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It's still a cool name. At least it had it's 15 minutes of fame.


I know round 3 was sooooooo three weeks ago, but I have a question. Was the name for the character at all inspired by the Columbus Blue Jackets player Jakub Voracek, or is it just a strange coincidence that your villain has the same name as some NHL player from the Czech Republic?

Just curious, since I'm a big hockey (and Pathfinder) fan.


In ABC order:

Cody Coffelt — The Broken Crucible Foundry
Jerall Toi — The Old Cassomir Dollhouse
John Bennett - Apep's Head
Sam Zeitlin - The Black Mirror

gbonehead wrote:
John Bennett's Apep's Head and Sam Zeitlin's Black Mirror felt more like old-school Gamma World to me than Pathfinder - yeah, I know Numeria is out there, but we've got robots and lasers and pounds of skymetal and stuff just floating around willy nilly.

I disagree. One of my favorite parts about this contest is seeing the different niches that people chose to explore(chase rules, sabotage rules, etc). The published modules themselves have different flavors that appeal to different people. Not everyone will be into giant robots, but some people are going to love it, same with the skymetal tar pits.

So onward with the originality!

I hate people who use quotes at the bottom of their emails, but I think in this case, this one sums it up better than I can:
"It's better to fail in originality than to succeed in immitation." - Herman Melville

Keep up the good work all. Congrats to everyone who made it this far and thanks for putting the results of your hard work up for all of us to criticize from the safety of our computers.


I like the visual of a hanging garden inside a very industrial robot head. I get the impression it's like some wild, overgrown rainforest growing inside the head. So yes, it's one room, but it's almost like being outside. And I can see why Voracek would be interested in the head. Even if he can't get the crystal, if the head is made of skymetal, he'd want the head itself too.

I liked the word choice in the description. John wrote "Behind the pillar on the ground floor sits a small metal altar, three feet high, a mosaic of small flashing lights, lighted glass, buttons, and levers on its top." "Altar" for control panel. A "mosaic" of lights for buttons. It seems like it was kind of written with the verbiage that the PC's would use.

And while I understand all spacey stuff is supposed to happen in Numeria, I'm OK with it in Osirion. I don't know if a crazy, invading robot would really respect country borders. I'm pretty sure it's going to land wherever it damn well pleases and go to town from there.

As for the lasers, I agree that it's a bit odd that they would turn 360 degrees, but I think an extra sentence or two could explain that. Maybe the stop mechanism that prevents their total rotation has wasted away over the years. Maybe a strength check could break the anti-rotation feature and allow full movement.

Lastly, there is the issue of the metal eroding, even though it didn't rust, which is a little weird. But overall, I think it sounds like a fun encounter. You have my vote. Good luck.


OK, OK, with all these Hoarfrost entries I finally went back and reread the villain writeup. I now understand why everyone was having him kidnap people to lure the adventurers in. However, I think this is the only entry that actually pulls it off in that he studies those he has lured in first, to make sure they are worthy.

OK, now on to the encounter. In one of the other submissions, ice was also used as a part of the encounter. I think you combine the other idea of the ice being a hazard (slipping, falling through, etc) with this and you have a good setting. You also use the ice well in your own right, with the snowbank hiding places, the death by exposure, and the girl pinned to the ice.

I might be voting for this, but I think I'm running out of votes. Best of luck.


I agree with the earlier comments. Koschei is the villain, not Hoarfrost.

I also have the same problem with this one as with the other Hoarfrost submission, he's a hunter. I don't get the feeling he would like "hunting" his prey in a controlled, contrived maze.

And yeah, Kremlin has too much of a negative, contemporary connotation for the name.

It was a nice attempt, but I think it voilates the rules a little bit in that Hoarfrost really isn't the main villain. And even if he was, I don't think the situation really fits him. (but then again, this is the second time I've made that comment, so maybe I just don't get Hoarfrost's motivation).

Good luck with the voting.


This is definitely the most complicated encounter I've read so far. Which makes for an interesting, and fun time for the PC's.

And screw the judges, your map is great. Just the fact that the background was black, and better yet had a valid reason to be, gets you creativity points in my book. This is a very unique idea/location.

I think this is a great tie in with Voracek as well.

I guess my only criticism is in the initial description. It was way too complicated. I think if you simplify that backstory, you'd be better off.

You'll have one of my votes.


I think this could work. The PC's start exploring a house. It looks fairly mundane. Stairs. A basement. A tea room. Cells with prisoners. Dead bodies. A homunculus with a battle mage creating a flesh golem. Wait...backup.

I like that you took a creepy villain and exploited his creepiness. The more sinister rooms could have some very cool artwork to go with it.

I agree with some of the other comments in that I'm confused why all the new characters. I think you need Dev or Polald, not both. Whoever you keep can have a homunculus. I also like how Varstrius' daughter is not around. Maybe she thinks her dad is just into collecting little people who look like his sister. Maybe she has no idea that he's creating a flesh golem. She could either be an willing accomplice or blissfully unaware of his darker plans (though kidnapping is pretty dark in itself).

Mark said "I'm worried there's just too much going on. A GM running 6 creatures (of 5 different types) is going to pull his hair out." I think a good GM could handle it.

Overall, I think you will be getting one of my votes. Nice work.


This is a good entry, but I'm not sure if it's great. It has a lot going on, which is fine, but I have two main issues.

1. Hoarfrost is supposed to be a hunter. I'm thinking he's the Pathfinder version of a Predator. To that end, his tactic in this location seems counter to his character. He kidnaps women and children to lure adventurers to him. That's not really hunting. In addition, the adventurers that he wants to challenge aren't going to be the ones with farmhouses and wives and community ties. Hoarfrost wants to go up against the badass adventurers and I'm not sure too many of them waste their time with developing family ties.

2. My other issue is both a compliment and a criticism. I really like the ice idea. It's interesting and different and could make for some good roleplaying. Is it worth risking the ice to get better field position? Is it worth rescuing a friend stuck in the ice if you have to sacrifice an attack round?

However, I'm not sure the PC's would ever actually use the ice. There's plenty of room to the left of the ice for people to move through. Maybe if the ice was more of the location, it would work better. But you get points for the concept and its mechanics.

Currently, I'm on the fence on this one. Good luck in the voting.


I did not particularly like this villain in the last round, BUT I think the way you work in the location really works well. He loves trapping people, so he runs a foundry making shoddy metalwork so things break and people get hurt. Brilliant!

I agree, I was a little confused why the dark folk were involved, but I think Tarvin is evil enough to have those kind of connections. As to where they go during the day, one more map icon for "trapdoor" would cover that. The trapdoor leads down to a mini-dungeon level where the golem manual is kept.

And of course, the map is nice. It's clear. It's detailed. It's very professionally done.

I think you'll be getting one of my votes. Nicely done.


I'd have to agree, this makes a good encounter, but I don't feel it is "Super Star" level.

Also, the whole "seals are crumbing and an evil will be released" theme is a bit cliche.

I think this location could work if the story was a little different. Since the previous residents of the temple were affected by the seeping evil, the new tenants should be as well. A villain that is going insane would be a much better fit here. The Gentleman Knave is too controlled and intelligent for this location.

Overall, I think a few revision changes, including a new villain and more use of the seeping evil, could make this an OK encounter, but I probably won't be voting for it. Best of luck with the voting.


Why is she a cave druid? Other than living in a cave, her motive for being a villain is to release the shoggoth. It has nothing to do with preserving the beautiful stalactites and stalagmites.

Otherwise, I think the core idea of being sane and wanting to be insane kills this one for me. Sure, it's unique, but it doesn't make sense on several levels. Namely, I don't care how much you miss the good old days, if you were once insane, and now you're sane, part of that sanity is realizing that being insane really isn't that desirable.

You get huge points for the ooze riding thing, but I don't think that's enough for me to vote this one into the next round. Best of luck.


This is one of my favorites for this round.

This villain has everything, a cool concept, good backstory, attitude, and is based on one of the most unsuspecting villain pictures of the lot.

The stat block is simple and easy to follow.

If I had to pick one area for improvement, the only thing I can think of would be this line "a spontaneous midlife magical awakening". I'd like a bit more detail on this life-changing event. The way it is written, it's like she rolled out of bed one morning and decided she was fed up with trying to fit in. Instead she would from then on devote her life to a new spirit man she was going to create. I think almost any event you could come up with could be used to kick start this chain of events.

Overall, I think this is fantastic.

You have my vote.


Why does he hunt adventurers?

Comes off as simply bloodthirsty. I think he needs some backstory. Villains need a reason to be villainous.

I don't think I'll be voting for this one, but good luck.


I like the character, but not so much as a villain. Again, I could see the PC's teaming up with this guy to help overthrow an oppressive government (as long as the party wasn't too lawful).

Excellent character, but as a villain, I'm not sold. He almost seems...kind of noble.

But the write up was excellent. All parts of the entry were well done.

Probably won't vote for it as a villain, but you have some skills creating good NPC's.


I like the combat tactics. They use the dark and cave themes well. In fact, I think that's the strongest part of this entry.

Unfortunately, as others have said, he's just a cave druid.

I think this has potential, but it's lacking anything resembling a villain. Still, not a bad start, it just needs more.

Unfortunately, I can't vote for it as it stands. Best of luck with the voting.


This guy reminds me of Beast from the Xmen. He's a monster, but he can be a gentleman.

I don't see anything that is strikingly creative, but at least this villain has a goal other than to be evil for evil's sake. Reclaiming past glory is a believable driver for his actions.

I'm on the fence on this one. I think it's an OK villain, but nothing spectacular.


I like the idea of the hungry ghost monk. I had to go back and reread the actual description in the APG before I remembered that all they truly want is power. So to that end, the archetype works, but it tends to be a bit cliche.

The last line of the description has some promise "As soon as her powerbase is secure, she enters the Starstone’s cathedral." I think if somehow this was tied to the archetype choice, that would greatly increase the scores for this villain. The base idea is there, but the WHY needs to be there as well.

Unfortunately, as-is, it's not strong enough to get my vote, but best of luck.


You had me at, "Her coat of armor reeks of blood and embryonic fluid."

Let me comment on that one line for a second:
1. It's good because it immediately invokes a reaction (good or bad).
2. It's really not all that gross for gross' sake. Other entries include killing peole, blood, vampires sucking people dry, girls accosted (and probably raped in the street), and human/eidolon lust. C'mon people, this isn't that gross at all.

As for the villain herself. I like the idea of the Lullaby Lady. At first, I thought it kind of a cop-out name, but then I realized that it is a folk lore/myth kind of name that the commoners would use. That makes more sense, and emphasizes the Boogey Man theme. And the Sandman archetype is perfect for the lullaby angle.

I like the twist that she's trying to create a new crossbreed. It's a fun theme. The Aliens movies give us great examples (human/alien, predator/aliens). As a DM, I could come up with my own derro/human mosters, some more derro than human and some more human than derro.

OK, so the writing in the first paragraph is rough. I'm willing to overlook that given the extensive stat block. As for the problems of the stat block, I have to admit, I haven't double-checked the math on any of the entries. But with this one, the only thing that jumped out at me was one of the judge's comments on using the "elite array" ability scores. For monsters, shouldn't you use the Bestiary rules instead?

Overall, I like this one. You get my vote.


I really did not like this one at first, but after a couple readings I came to the realization that this villain is essentially trying to build a Death Star.

Think about it!
He collect sky metal.
He bullies smiths into working for him.
He can cast spells.
He is creating a metal contraption as a "conduit for Ayrzul's raw might."
This guy is Darth Freakin' Vader!

The description is definitely missing the detail on the device he is creating. Also, maybe he creates other smaller devices with the left over material. That way the adventure isn't one be build up, and can instead have other smaller conflicts along the way for the party to resolve.

You have my vote.


He likes to kill people...don't most villains? I don't think that's all that unique.

As others have said, he would have been better as the the Saboteur archetype from the previous round. He could have mines collapse and kill a whole lot of people at a time, and he never would have been found out. The Saboteur as described was set up to destroy things with intelligent, plot-point reasons. This guy just wants to kill people.

Sorry, I can't vote for this one. Best of luck.


He's not a nice guy, but I'm not sure if "villain" really fits.

If he used his hound mastery to bully the citizens of a city and operate as more of an untouchable kin pin, then maybe that could work.

As is, he's just not evil enough to be a villain. I could even see him being an NPC that would be friendly with an adventuring group, as long as the group's alignment wasn't too good.


Two improvements and this would be all set:

1. Explain how she remains in a comatose/suspended animation state.
2. Forget the archetypes, give her the Dreamspun sorcerer bloodline and let her mess with the heads of entire towns.

It would be GREAT to roleplay against her. Everyone in the town would have their memories changing. Their stories would change, and any kind of detect motive would show them to be genuine (if incorrectly so).

Unfortunately, as is, I don't think I can vote for this one, but it's close.


I've read this one a couple times. The idea of building a labyrinth in an attempt to create the perfect geometry to access another dimension is a very interesting theme (See Dario Argento's The Church).

BUT, I'm having a hard time getting over the burglar thing. I understand that there needs to be a tie-in with the rest of the world to make him a villain, but kidnapping builders doesn't really make sense. How does he know they're any good at building things? Is there some sort of Architect Guild that hands out giant signs that people can hang outside their homes?

You said, "His escalating dementia has encouraged him to break into progressively more elabrate trap-laden locales in search of better architectural slaves." Would architects be likely to trap their own homes?

I think the idea started strong, but it needs another tie-in to the community to make him a villain. Unfortunately, I don't have any good suggestions here.

Right now, I'm leaning toward not voting for this one.


Just seems like a character who is power hungry. Meh.

I'm also not sure what the archetype has to do with anything.

When I read "taboo techniques" that could have been interesting, but was never explained.

Sorry, I can't vote for this one.


Deacon of Ash. Love the name.

Unfortunately, with a name like that, much is expected.

I'd like to see...well...more burning stuff. Also, he's kind of a contradictory character. If he truly is waging a war against the undead, why all the negative energy stuff? Seems kind of counterproductive.

Like a lot of people, I really liked the Hound Master, but I'm not sure yet if I'll vote for this one solely based on the curiosity of what you might do in the next round.


You have my vote.

Some more info on what he does with the kidnapped victims would have been nice. But on the other hand, this leaves a lot to the DM to decide. Does he keep them bound and gagged? Does he kill them and keep their dead corpses until they start to rot? Does he treat them kindly and let them roam around as pseudo-servants, locked in and forever walking on egg shells lest he lose his temper and skewer them? There's a lot of possibility here.

Also, the actions of his daughter also make the character interesting. Who says the daughter is also evil? Maybe he is so screwed up and has so many captives that she sneaks one out everyonce in awhile as sort of a nice thing to do to "free" one of them. I realize that slavery isn't much of a freedom, but compared to some living hell that he could be putting them through (see above), it might be the only alternative the daughter can offer. OR, maybe she needs money to buy booze to keep him drunk so he doesn't beat her...or something.

Overall, I like the idea. The stat block also seems pretty solid. And you also get points for making an aged character (and noticing the subtle gray hair above his temples in the picture).


Interesting. Definitely a Holy Warrior. I'm not quite sure I understand all the upgrades in the shaken to fatigued to staggered. If I was using this with the empowered strike, I would be hurting people, to hell with the staggering stuff. I mean, if I'm fighting for my god, imbuing my weapon with holy power, I don't think I'm going to waste my time with staggering people.

Other than that, I agree, it's a one trick pony, but not bad. If you want to be a holy WARRIOR/super temple guard, then this would work.


I like the IDEA...but the actual mechanics don't back it up. I like the though that some crazy alchemist can modify metals for whatever purpose he/she may have. But there needs to be MORE.

I think the bonus to metal weapons is good, but what else can the archetype do? Maybe make the weapon keen or something?

Lastly, the name implies something to do with gold. I think one of the abilities should be gold related in some way.

Overall, I like the concept, but I would not be inclined to play the archetype as it is currently written.


I like the fact that this archetype addresses a little-used aspect of the game. In all my years of RPG-ing, I can't remember anyone ever trying to sabotage anything.

As for one of the earlier comments about this archetype being more of an engineer...there's nothing wrong with that!!! (though my opinion may be slightly biased). An engineer can use his skills to create or destroy, so I think it works.

I like that this is an intelligent archetype that is designed more for role playing than hacking and slashing. Yet the Improved Sunder feat still allows the character to be useful in a fight, in a unique way that fits with the core flavor of the saboteur.

I agree with some of the earlier comments about the Sabotage ability. It would be cooler if a sabotaged siege engine catastrophically failed, but the ability still allows the thing to be disabled, which could be quite useful. And I think that while the range adjustment wouldn't be used very often, it's a unique ability that is different than the obvious idea of just breaking stuff.

Overall, I could see myself playing this archetype, given the appropriate campaign.