DP Smith's page

I must say that I enjoy this villian.

His only ambition is to become a god, and around his neck hangs the key... or at least would, if it wasn't for the fact that the stone is a lie and he is only succeeding in slowly killing himself as his mind is destroyed.

Thats a great way to get an emotional hook for this villian. He isn't just a villian you want to destroy. It invokes a degree of pity.

I do agree that the architype feels a tad forced, and that him personaly breaking in and kidnapping people is a bit odd, but this is a minor issue.

As for the portrait I think its a good fit. I don't see a regal looking elf in that photo. I see a snide, arrogant looking "elf". I say "elf" as all we see is a face with pointed ears, and he also looks rather aged, which is not something I normally attribute to elves. Having the stone age his apperance was a good call.

Overall this is a very solid entry, I look forward to what you will produce in further rounds.

+1 Vote.

I see that I have struck a note with some people. My comment was rather curt so allow me to clarify.

There´s absolutely no suggestion of that, whether using halflings/gnomes as stand-in´s or not.

´Dressing them up as gross parodies of Sulliana´ (his murdered sister) is the only mention of what he does with his victims.
That´s not pedophilia, nor something that I believe most pedophiles are interested in.
I mean, if he so creeped you out, that you were compelled to imagine how much MORE evil he could be, sure, I can see imagining that (or the plurality of OTHER sick s~*% people have suggested in this thread, e.g. with his daughter), but that doesn´t have a basis in his actual entry.

And thats the problem, he doesn't say WHAT he does to his victims (beyond the dressing up). There is obviously more because there is no mention of what he does with them between the dressing up and disposing. Leaving a grey area like this is very dangerous for this villian. People will fill this gap with however they interprete it. As is, this villian could never be published because of this. If one person on a message board reads this and says "H'm...thats sounds a lot like a pedophile" then there would be hundreds, thousands of people in the general public who would see the same thing. If this grey area had been filled then I would see this villian differently ( I have no delusion in my mind that he was intended to read this way ), but as is it's a glaring oversight.

DP Smith wrote:

Wow... you made the pedophile villian. Maybe you didn't intend this but that was my first impression.

No vote.

This speaks more to YOU, than to the villain. He has nothing to do with pedophilia. That is a very slippery slope you are on.

Did someone close to you die?
YES

Were they younger than 18?

YES

Do you love them and miss them terribly?

YES

YOU ARE A PEDOPHILE

???

Haha, flame bait if I ever saw it. But I'll bite.

Saying he has nothing to do with pedophilia is like saying going around your neighborhood, handing out candy from a windowless white van to children has nothing to do with pedophila. However innocent your reasons, people are going to see it that way.

Your slippery slope argument is also absurd, as you are missing the key point:

Do you go around town kidnapping "little folk" to dress up as your dead sister, and then keep around doing SOMETHING with them until you grow bored and sell them into ( more perminant ) slavery?

YES? THEN YOU ARE A PEDOPHILE!

As I said above, he doesn't say what he does with them once he dresses them up. It's not a function of my character or the character of anyone else. Unfortunatly we live in a time when the sexual abuse of minors is in the lime light. These themes are prevalent in our daily lives, regardless of whether or not we want them to be. In the future please attack my arguements over my character.

I want to be clear, I do not think that Artus intended this. It probably never crossed his radar, or maybe the word count worked into it and he hoped it wouldn't be seen this way. However when writting for a public audience one needs to stop and think of all the ways their work could be interpreted.

Wow... you made the pedophile villian. Maybe you didn't intend this but that was my first impression.

No vote.

I'm sorry to say but this archetype is really... meh. You didn't really design anything here, which is a pretty big setback in a design competition.

Making the Paladins AC dependent on wisdom is also problematic. One of the great things about the Pathfinder Paladin was removing their dependency on wisdom. Adding it back is a real problem for me.

Thematically this archetype is good, though not branching out into other themes doesn't show much creativity. Pigeon holing it into a very specific setting is also a problem in my books. It would work better as a prestige class I think.

Best of luck in the competition, if you make it through I would hope to see a bit more diversity out of you..

H'm Viper Monk eh? Sounds like it could be interesting, lets dive into it then.

The first thing I notice is the amount of flavor text at the beginning. Description is good but it seems to carry on for a little to long. Not a show stopper but does set me off from the get go. I do really enjoy the theme you have here though, definitely a great concept for a monk.

So the defining feature of this class is the Viper Strike, and unfortunately I think you may have shot yourself in the foot with it. It sounds like it would be a pain to deal with as a GM, and also seems to be fairly overpowered.
I don't really agree with the criticism that going (Ex)traordinary was a bad choice, it all depends on how the reader sees this ability functioning. Maybe adding some flavor text here would have alleviated some of this.

All the changes not related to Viper Strike are great though . Really ties into the theme well, while providing useful utility.

You might have one of my votes here. I'm willing to look over some mechanics issues if the flavor behind it is good.

Best of Luck.

I really enjoy this archetype as I find its lack of extra bells and whistles refreshing. It's a very iconic character that stands on its own, and by removing any setting defining characteristics, it lets the player decided who their character actually is.

Mechanics wise the Knife Fighter is very tight. Making Knife Expert a first level ability was a bold choice, but without it I think this class falls apart at the lower levels. It encourages the player to use a dagger from the beginning. Without it I could see most players choosing to swing a more powerful 1-handed weapon until the dagger abilities start kicking in. Not to mention at the end of the day you are still swinging a dagger.

The class seems fairly balanced to me. Trading in the weapon trainings for extra perks with the dagger makes sense. Yes you are trading in abilities you aren't going to use but...that's the point. I would be very disappointed if this class didn't replace weapon training, as it's theme would be lost which is the main selling point. It makes playing a dagger wielding fighter a viable option, which is awesome (death by a thousand paper cuts).

Quicker than the eye may give the advantage of going first but it's not the most overpowered initiative bonus I've seen in the game.
The worst one I think is the divination school ability forwarned which gives an initiative bonus equal to half the wizard's level, but also at level 20 treats every initiative roll as a natural 20.

Don't forget the fact that they (divination wizards) ALWAYS get to act in the surprise round (no perception check required).

This one defiantly has one of my votes. Loved the glove and enjoy the archetype.

Good luck!

Congrats on making it back into the top 32, and with a wicked sick item to boot. I like that it uses one of the new combat maneuvers introduced in the AVG; it really takes advantage of some of the new mechanics Pathfinder has introduced.

I don't agree with people saying that the bird needs stats. It seems clear that this was intended to be a spell effect, wrapped in cool imagery. Maybe the shadow conjuration is throwing people off, but any other choice wouldn't have fit with the theme of the item.

Good luck in the coming round, I look forward to seeing your Archetype.

Very cool item, I especially like your description of it. I'm a sucker for crazy optical systems. I can defiantly see this getting use in my gaming group, though the 400ft ball seems kind of awkward to me.

The crafting requirements really should include daylight though, and anyone who can channel energy should be able to use/make it.

Congrats on making the top 32, and good luck in the next round!

I love this encounter. I can see the players talking about this encounter for months to come. Your location is also good. Cliche? Maybe, but you really do something unique with it.

My only nitpick (and yes it is very trivial) is that it's Meteorite, not Meteor; As an astronomer I felt obligated to point that out.

Definitely has my vote. Can't wait to see what you do next round.

Hm... I on the fence about this one. I like the imagery, flying glass bees are pretty cool, and from a story perspective the glass eating can make for some interesting plot hooks.

However, I don't really like monsters who specifically target PCs loot. It's not as bad as a Rust Monster but...

Goodwork on the writing/description though, might be enough to push me over to your side.

Hmm...

This one is tricky. The concept is cool, and I like how its parisite nature but the way you described it does sound much more like an item.

I think you spent to much time describing the armor and not enough on the monster. Hence is just comes off as an intelligent item.

I feel like there is some real potential here but unfortunatly your description seemed to miss the mark.

... greedily slurps up the soupy remains.

Wow! Now that is some powerful imagery... I like.

This seems like a really cool monster. I agree that the name could use some work, but the concept is solid...unlike the unfortunate adventurer who falls prey to it.

I like this monster. It would definitely have to be used in service to the story, but I don't see that as a draw back.

As for how it would work in an encounter, I see it really being a function of the DM's imagination. In addition to adding a psychological component to the battle the monster also possess lethal abilities. Extreme pain can easily incapacitate, or even kill people. When mucking around with peoples vision, it's quite conceivable for them to accidently turn on each other, especially after being set on edge.

I can see myself using this in my campaigns. I always enjoy adding some horror elements to my games, It allows for some GREAT role-playing.

This definitely has one of my votes. I'm very interested in seeing what else comes from this contestants mind.

Hahaha, now this sounds like a fun item.

I keep envision some goblins playing the most deadly game of hot potato ever.

Congrats on making the top 32!

I love this concept. A item with both strong role playing and in game uses. An amazing item for villains, and still a great player item.

I can definitely see me using this to create some fun and interesting encounters.

Great Work!