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Windstrider Mail
Aura faint evocation and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 6,100 gp; Weight 10 lb.
Description
Sleek gray stripes line the sides of this +1 mithral shirt. When worn, the wearer’s clothing and hair dance about as though caught in a faint breeze.
Three times per day, the wearer can transform into a surge of living wind, moving up to 60 feet in a straight line as a standard action. This line need not be horizontal; the effect can be used to traverse hazards or reach elevated platforms. All creatures in the line between the wearer’s starting point and destination are blasted by the squall. The wearer attempts an overrun combat maneuver against every creature in the area, with a +10 circumstance bonus to CMB. Failed overrun attempts do not stop the wearer’s move, and the wearer’s maneuvers and movement do not provoke any attacks of opportunity. Flying creatures in the area must make a DC 15 Fly check or fall 20 feet, taking appropriate damage and falling prone if they reach a solid surface.
Creatures more than one size category larger than the wearer are not affected by the windstrider mail's effect, but they do not inhibit the wearer’s move. If the wearer’s path is blocked by an object, such as a door, he makes a Strength check to move or burst through the object with a +5 circumstance bonus.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gaseous form, gust of wind; Cost 4,100 gp
Price/Cost don't match, seemingly having double-accounted for mithral. Basically a +1 mithral shirt with an extremely versatile movement ability 3/day. This probably should cost a bit more than it does for that effect, but after fixing the price to 7,100 (to match the cost), that's part of the way there. There's some passive and a bit of indirection as to what the item is trying to do. For instance, the overrun maneuver is not necessary to move through the square, which is the main point of overrunning someone; if the intent is simply to trip people by succeeding at 5 or more, then that should be made clear, perhaps with a trip maneuver at a +5 instead of an overrun maneuver at a +10, that then doesn't matter at all unless it succeeds by 5 or more.
That being said, the author manages to convey multiple aspects of the ability, without overpowering the fact that this is supposed to be an armor, and formatting looks good. After looking at everything, I'm going to give this one a Week Keep.
Hi there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your item: flavor, usability, and how the item is presented. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and I oversee every third-party Pathfinder Roleplaying Game product that makes its way onto Paizo.com.
Flavor
Good name, with abilities that tie into the name.
Usability
I don't actually recall this particular set of abilities available in armor before—this is a very excellent thing. Potential for changing up combat with three dimensional movement, and also non-combat options.
Presentation
Format is good, nothing glaring in regards to style. Possibly a little underpriced.
Final Thoughts
An excellent item that has a lot of potential for use both in an out of combat. I do recommend this item for advancement.
Kept.
Modules Overlord
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My approach to judging these items is "How would I approach this as a developer?" If I would be pleased by the turnover and not see any reason to give negative feedback to the writer, that's great! If I'd keep it but it would take a lot of work or I'd want to let the writer know what needed improvement, that's fine but not perfect. If I'd scrap the item because it would be faster to write new material myself, that's bad.
I may have a weak spot for this armor, because I like items with ongoing minor effects (being tosled by a breeze) that suggest/tie into its main power, and I like combing movement and attacks a limited number of times per day. I think it leads to creative events in combat, and sometimes solutions to problems out of combat, without breaking the action economy. I think the price needs to be a good bit higher and there are some mechanical issues to be worked out. Is the wearer actually wind, like as if affected by gaseous form, or can abilities and attacks affect her normally? Does the movement provoke attacks of opportunity? does Improved overrun have any impact on these abilities?
But none of those are enough to make me dislike it. Keep.
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Congrats, Chris! I really am impressed with you (and Nick's) design skills, so I'm pleased to see you advance. Go knock 'em dead and make the Freelance Forge proud.
Congrats, Chris! I really am impressed with you (and Nick's) design skills, so I'm pleased to see you advance. Go knock 'em dead and make the Freelance Forge proud.
Like many times before, we Jacob's seem to speak with one voice. Good job!
HECK YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a good feeling about this year, now go map the floor with the next challenge!
Thank you so much to all the judges and voters who supported my entry! I'm deeply humbled and honored to be welcomed back into the competition, and I hope to do everyone proud!
I think ... there are some mechanical issues to be worked out. ... Does the movement provoke attacks of opportunity?
I believe this issue was addressed in the item description:
"Failed overrun attempts do not stop the wearer’s move, and the wearer’s maneuvers and movement do not provoke any attacks of opportunity."
Nice armor. I like it. I'd use this!
Congratulations, Christopher! :)
w0ot! Go Chris! Had no idea this was your item, but I loved it and have already added it into my home game!
The mechanical issues have already been pointed out. Other than those issues, I really like this armour. It is relatively cheap, does one thing well and didn't try to shoehorn in extra unnecessary abilities.
Congrats Christopher!
I thought this was a pretty good item. It has good visuals, lots of interesting ways to utilize it in and out of combat.
I would have used the word 'line' instead of 'area', and you forgot the 's' in 'lbs'. But apart from those small issues, this was very well done.
Good luck in the second round.
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32!
First of all, I love the description paragraph. Very evocative and nicely hints at the powers without being too showy or ridiculous. Furthermore, the main ability itself is a nice one, allowing for greater mobility without going overboard. Personally I'd like it to be usable more than three times per day, but that would hike the price up something ridiculous.
Not a huge fan of the overrun ability, though it is logical. While it gives the item more versatility, I don't think overwhelming force when I think of wind. I think people sliding slightly backwards, straining against the current. Overrun as a combat maneuver is to me something pushing something else down, which doesn't mesh well with the wind theme.
Nevertheless, a good item and I upvoted this a lot. Glad to see it advanced. And the best of luck for the future!
It's great to see you make it back to the top 32 again, Chris. This item fills a clear niche that needing filling for low-level mobility boosting armor. It fills the niche with great style, evocative visuals, and solid mechanics. I was, however, confused about the purpose of the overrun (I had to read Mark S.'s explanation to realize what it probably was).
Congratulations!
Congratulations Christopher. Your item has a lot of cool factor! I can picture it in action, which is great. Best of luck!
I agree that the item seems a touch underpriced for what it does-- at low levels this is essentially functioning as a limited, solo, dimension door. Okay, it's not quite THAT good what with the straight-line restrictions and so forth, but it would definitely be used to get out of many of the tight spots that D-Door traditionally does get used for, and is circumstantially even better than D Door, due to things like 'not needing to make a concentration check' and having offensive capability built in. You could use it to get out of a grapple, for instance, as I'm reading it (unless I'm missing something), which is a very useful ability just in its own right. Add in the ability to get through a crowded, bottle-necked door/line of enemies to reach their caster/leader-- or to cross a chasm-- or to return swiftly to your allies if the line of battle has cut you off from them-- or as a quick, free retreat if you are running out of HP and nobody can heal you-- and this starts having so many uses that it makes it a really, really good item... but an item that needs to be more expensive.
I wouldn't want to price it too high: I like that it's not uber-costly. I'm not doing any sort of pricing formula for it, but my gut feeling is that around 10K would feel 'right' to me. Alternately, cutting the use per day down to one might let you get away with the lower price, but that would seem a real shame.
It's a neat item, though, and for sheer versatility alone I think it deserves its spot in the T32.
Chris! Welcome back to Top 32!
I'm sad to say I only saw this once or twice!
Love the intro.
You skirted a line of giving an example of how to use the power (no no) by tying it into a sentence that clarifies the rules of it (nicely done).
I would have actually liked to see a penalty to the attack for the AoO instead of not provoking...but that's my own personal thing.
Overall, super cool wind-person power. You know what to do...looking forward to seeing your R2.
Congratulations on making it to the Top 32! Well done!
This item is unique with strong imagery. I like that part. But overall this didn't excite me as other items did. It also had the unfortunate effect of resembling certain birds from the Angry Birds games that I was never able to overcome. Personal bias aside, well made and interesting.
Welcome back to the Top 32, Christopher!
You're windstrider mail reminded me of my groundbreaker cloak from last year and so I immediately liked it. I saw it early in the voting period (maybe even my third or fourth pairing) and had a strong feeling it would make the Top 32. Well done.
The name is evocative, as well as the description. You cleaned up the most common questions players and GMs will have about its use. I wouldn't mind or worry about seeing this in one of my games. I might think it was priced a little too low, but only because the overrun operates on CMB and thus scales well with the character, something I appreciate in an item. This could very well be the armor a light-armor user sticks with for the rest of the game. Mistmail is an armor I would put in the same grouping though and that only costs 2,250gp, so I don't think your pricing was too far off.
Good work overall! I look forward to seeing more.
Hi fellow Chris! Welcome to the top 32! I'm going to try to give everybody a short review, so here goes:
Something about the item's description leaves me wanting. Just gray stripes aren't enough to tell me this is something really cool-looking. I think if the wispy effects and main action were somehow more connected to the armor, I would be more excited for this.
The effect is a familiar trope, but you wrote it well. I know exactly what I can and can't do with this, and it opens up the door to improvisational use, which DOES excite me.
Good job! I look forward to your map.
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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Congrats on making the top 32.
I like it overall, as someone says, it's simple and does one thing well, and that's fine. Does it belong in the top 32? Yes, but it's relatively straightforward ability doesn't make it pop as a "wow, now that's an awesome item that does cool new stuff", so hope you kick it up a notch in subsequent rounds.
It's interesting that two of the top 32 are armor that transforms you into an element and provide really cool movement powers - obviously there aren't enough cheaper magic items to let non casters move around more - without paying a lot for something like winged boots.
Why am I critiquing every item? Well, frankly, I love this sort of thing. I sincerely enjoy editing and the art of the critique. I have long considered starting a blog to that end, and maybe this will be the kickstart I need. Speaking of which, if you want to hire an editor, I'd be happy to help ;)
Regardless, the point of my criticism is always to help. Nothing is perfect, so everything can potentially be made better. My comments will often be less than flattering, but they will never come from a place of malice. The point here is to make your item better, not to make you feel bad.
So, what am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? My primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience. What I am generally not looking at is flavor text. Descriptions of your item will only hurt if the item evokes imagery I dislike. I care about theme, of course, but a crow item with blind and pilfering hand in it is thematic enough--I don't need to read about different kinds of dark wood were used and how many crow parts are sticking out of it.
Finally, know that I did not read any critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to the critique!
As always, congratulations on making the top 32. No matter what I thought of your item, you won, and you should feel awesome!
This wasn't initially on my keeper list, but it was by the end of the competition. It's definitely my favorite armor in RPG Superstar. The cost is off, but that's not a huge deal to me. Frankly, I appreciate both that its Mithril and that it's cheap enough that people might actually be able to acquire it.
No, my only objections, the only reasons it wasn't instantly on my keep list, were:
1) 3/day. Why does everything have to be so limited? I hate daily limitations, and this ability is so cool and so useful, I really wish it could be used more. I'll only really get to use this once, maybe twice a day at most, because I will be worried about wasting uses of it before I really needed it. At least until I get to be a higher level and have a couple of these suits laying around.
2) Overrun is a weird maneuver to have chosen. You get around them regardless, right? And there's no AoO? So, the only thing you're getting from the overrun is maybe making them prone? Why not make it Trip? Or just a custom combat maneuver?
If my party found this item, though, we'd keep it. Mithril Shirts are easily the most commonly worn armor in Pathfinder, maybe tied with Mithril Breastplates, so, this is an easy keep, especially when combined with the awesome ability, no matter how limited it is. I might want to custom order it, but I might also want to just save the cash for more AC. It would depend.
Overall, great item, one of the best in the contest.
Windstrider Mail
Aura faint evocation and transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 6,100 gp; Weight 10 lb.
Description
Sleek gray stripes line the sides of this +1 mithral shirt. When worn, the wearer’s clothing and hair dance about as though caught in a faint breeze.Three times per day, the wearer can transform into a surge of living wind, moving up to 60 feet in a straight line as a standard action. This line need not be horizontal; the effect can be used to traverse hazards or reach elevated platforms. All creatures in the line between the wearer’s starting point and destination are blasted by the squall. The wearer attempts an overrun combat maneuver against every creature in the area, with a +10 circumstance bonus to CMB. Failed overrun attempts do not stop the wearer’s move, and the wearer’s maneuvers and movement do not provoke any attacks of opportunity. Flying creatures in the area must make a DC 15 Fly check or fall 20 feet, taking appropriate damage and falling prone if they reach a solid surface.
Creatures more than one size category larger than the wearer are not affected by the windstrider mail's effect, but they do not inhibit the wearer’s move. If the wearer’s path is blocked by an object, such as a door, he makes a Strength check to move or burst through the object with a +5 circumstance bonus.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gaseous form, gust of wind; Cost 4,100 gp
Is the Item Decorative?
Well, mithral shirts are usually fairly attractive-looking, but someone seems to have painted stripes of a rather dull tone on this one, which somewhat detracts from the item's appearance.
Decorative score? 2 out of 7.
Does the Item have Any Obvious non-Decorative Use Around the Home?
No. And visiting nieces make this an item hazardous to even have anywhere around a home where they might get their hands on one.
non-Decorative Domestic Use score? -1 out of 7. (Yes, that's right, that's a negative mark. My nieces are already quite capable enough, thank you, of leaving a trail of destruction whenever they come to visit.)
Does the Item seem Likely to be Helpful in the Fantasy Setting of an Imaginary World where 'Operation Sealion' is taking Place?
So the (for simplicity's sake) Nasties are lining up with all their little boats to launch an invasion-attempt across a strait upon a nation of perfectly (socially) harmless tea-drinkers. And then there's this item.
So what impact is this item likely to have on proceedings?
The item description seems to me a little unclear on what susceptibilities to damage a wearer possesses whilst 'transformed'. Given the item's 'budget cost' and the fact that air elementals (something at least close to embodiments of 'living wind') are by no means invulnerable to damage (especially not the ones which are of only modest size and power), it seems to me highly probable that it is still very much possible to damage a wearer who is 'transformed'.
I'm also unclear on for how long after the 60 foot 'rush' move that the initial transformation process permits the wearer to make, the wearer remains in a 'living wind' state.
Without this data, I'm not going to make any over-dramatic assumptions about the item's battlefield performance levels, and my evaluation is that the item might merely be vaguely useful during the beach-landings phase of Operation Sealion (if the operation makes it that far).
'Sealion' score? 2 out of 7.
Total: 3 out of 21.
Congratulations for having made it to Top 32 AND Top 16!
Sorry I'm late to the party, I hadn't realized how big a task commenting on everyone else's items was going to be in the Official Critique Thread!
Seeing as how many other people have commented above me, and you've moved well on from this point... I'm going to keep my comments brief. To understand my rating system, see my larger post on my critique thread.
As an overall comment, each and every one of you that made it to the Top 32 must have had a "Publishable" item in my opinion because you appealed to not only the voters but also the judges -- so if I say "Rewrite" it's more to be "rewriteable to be SUPERSTAR!"
Publishable -- You and Jeff Heikkinen, with his flowing fortress armour, should work on an elemental-becoming armor book. Maybe talk to Brian Fruzer for a lava-themed one.
Windstrider Mail
Congratulations Christopher,
This did get upvotes from me and it was largely because the movement effect was more important than the combat capabilities. Many people will use the overrun more often than scaling a difficult wall, but the writing still makes the CM seem incidental. All the questions that might come up were addressed, which tells me this item comes from a designer, not a player or even a GM.
I doubt this is helpful at this stage in the game, but in the player vs. GM vs. designer rubric of writing stay focused on the third (though it seems you are being all three. Well done! :)