Goog steps out of the swarm, then decides he really doesn't like these stupid rats.
"Sorry all yous gobs, this might hurt a little!" and he channels negative energy, hitting everyone except Torch, who is saved by the walls of the cabin.
Mogmurch hurls a vial of acid at Vorka
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Burned with fire and acid, and bleeding from several critical wounds, Vorka is maddened with pain and anger. She screams, "I'll dig your heart out WITH A SPOOOOOON!" as she tosses a flame at Chuffy, striking him head-on. This seems to be the last of her flame, so she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a blue potion. "Destroy them, Longtung!"
The rat swarm starts swarming back out the door, fearing the flames and acid spraying around in the cabin. They overwhelm Mogmurch, biting and scratching at him, and making him unable to take any complicated actions.
Longtung, hearing his mistress's command, chomps at Mic angrily. The wily goblin dodges his enormous mouth and laughs.
Twelfth Round:
Poog: firebombs Vorka
Mic: attacks the frog
Mogmurch: tosses an acid flask, misses and splashes Vorka, Mic, and the frog.
Chuffy: darts Vorka
Goog: channels negative
Vorka: tosses fire and pulls out a potion
Longtung: chomps
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Thirteenth Round:
Poog:
Mic:
Mogmurch:
Chuffy:
Goog:
Mic jumps out of the way of the acid, but a little bit lands on his toosh. "Hey, Watch it with that stuff... It burns." he rubs his bum and mutters to himself. "Now I won't be able to sit down for a week."
He proceeds in swinging his dogslicer at the over grown frog.
Goog pulls out one more javelin and tries to fling it at Vorka.
Poog aims for the cannibal with another firebolt, but follows his excellently aimed bolt with a dud.
With a groan, Chuffy steps forward, and stabs at Vorka!
Mogmurch enters the cabin to escape the rats and get close to Vorka.
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Vorka dodges two missles but doesn't see the attack coming from Chuffy. With a painful effort, the pustule-faced goblin leaps at the foe, his slash leaving both of them in the ground in bleeding heaps.
The rat swarm dissipates, the rats fading into shadows as they scurry away.
Seeing his mistress fall, Longtung bites at Mic in a frenzy, seizing him in his razor-sharp teeth and violently flinging him against the wall, then hopping over his broken, bleeding, and unconscious body in a desperate escape.
Thirteenth Round:
Poog: Attempts to fireball Vorka, misses.
Mic: Attacks the frog, misses.
Mogmurch: runs away from the rats.
Chuffy: Attacks Vorka, passes out.
Goog: attacks?
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After Vorka's remains, and Chuffy and Mic's wounds, are dealt with, a thorough ransacking of the shipwreck commences.
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Atop the rigging in rickety crow's nests, two vials of alchemist fire, three Desnan Candles, and a masterwork sling with sling bullets are found.
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On the upper deck, the little square room with a smokestack above it, letting out a steady, thin stream of smoke, sits with its door wide open, where Vorka's huge Mastiff, Cuddles, forced his way through. The doorway is decorated with a large number of rodent and bird skulls.
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Inside the room is a blood-splattered chamber of horror. Dead rodents, snakes, and birds have been variously nailed, tied, and hung around the walls. At the far end of the room, a large cauldron bubbles over an iron stove set against the aft wall, its stovepipe chimney extending up through the ceiling. A bloody burlap sack sits on the floor next to the stove. The center of the room contains a long, rickety table surrounded by chairs that contain several grisly decorations—a whole family of skeletal goblins, their bones bleached white and bound together by reeds and twine. Examination of the steaming pot reveals that a goblin arm and heart are being stewed in it, while the bloody sack contains the rest of the unfortunate Scribbleface, who apparently returned to the wreck, perhaps to steal more fireworks, only to fall prey to Vorka's unnatural appetites.
Scribbleface's hideous fate is, you all agree, proof positive that writing words can only bring you to a bad end.
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The true prize is in Vorka's dank cabin. Piles of broken human artifacts lay in heaps around the cabin. Many of these are decorative fans or wall-hangings, and Vorka has hung some of them on the wall, where they depict colorful serpentine dragons, towering cliffs, delicate humanoid figures, and strange buildings unlike any human constructions the five of you have ever seen.
A mild sense of avarice tells you goblins that these items would be worth a fair amount of gold to the right human collector, if you could find one who was willing to buy from goblins. However, as they're mostly made of thin wood and paper, they're probably more fun to burn.
Among the sturdier and more obviously valuable items are 140 gold pieces, a bejeweled silver and jade lantern built to look like a coiled dragon, a dozen masterwork shuriken, an ivory and gold fan depicting a gecko walking amid cherry blossoms (the reverse side of this fan has been used by Vorka to draw a crude map of Brinestump, not unlike the one Scribbleface created, and contains a secret that the goblins are unlikely to decipher anytime soon), a long hairpin with a red pearl at one end, a wand of create food and water with only 2 charges left, and an elixir of love in a crystal vial shaped like a heart.
The red chest contains the objects of the quest, though. Once Chuffy and Mic unlock it, they find 14 Desnan candles, 20 paper candles, and seven skyrockets, which should be more than enough to satisfy the chief for at least a few days. More fireworks might be hidden among the broken heaps of crates and barrels in the corners of the room, but this chest will require two goblins to carry back to the village, and will certainly do for now.
"BURN IT!"
"BURN TO A CRISP!!!" Poog agrees.
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After removing everything of value you can find, you set a handful of fireworks in the middle of the wreck, along with all the bomb accellerant Mogmurch can spare, and light the fuse. From a safe distance, you watch as the domain of the cannibal Vorka goes up in smoke and flames, occasionally punctuated by a firework you didn't find going off and arcing across the sky.
Then you begin the trek back to the village, arriving just before dark, and a big cheer goes up from the goblin tribe as you return triumphantly. The next night, a great feast is held in your honor. His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad decides that Chuffy, in honor of landing the killing blow against Vorka, will marry his daughter, the fearsomely corpulent and ferociously lusty Gupy Wartbits.
Mogmurch is declared Boss of Big Fire.
Mic is declared Head Village Sneaker and Stabber of Dogs and Horses.
Poog is given official title of High Priest of the Dog Stabbings.
Goog is given official title of High Priest of the Pig Pit and Squealy Nord Riding.
So the five hero goblins are given rewards and accolades, that will surely last their whole lives, or at least until the other goblins get bored.
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Months pass after the heroes returned victorious from their quest for fireworks. The tribe used the fireworks with great effectiveness against longshanks of the Sandpoint community. However, one day the five, along with an addition, the stalwart Reta Bigbad, were sent out by the chief to search for any other source of fireworks. Not having found any further fireworks, they reluctantly return home, only to find their village on fire, their tribemates slaughtered and the head of their chief stuck on a pike.
After enjoying the fire for a while, and stealing things from the dead bodies that the longshanks who did this overlooked, the six were faced with a decision. Clearly staying here would be unwise -- most of the huts are destroyed and clearly longshanks know where the village is. Making their own tribe would be very hard in a group of only six, especially with only one lady-goblin.
The closest tribe of goblins in Brinestump Marsh is the Birdcruncher Tribe. It seemed natural to go there first, and see if they have room for a few heroic goblins.
After a couple days of travel, you finally have arrived in Birdcruncher territory. However, something seems wrong. The Birdcrunchers appear unusually nervous and frightened, cowering around the entrance to their cave. They aren't even trying to defend their territory. And now, a wrinkled old goblin with bulging eyes is waddling out of the crowd, approaching you. She's obviously some sort of shaman—maybe even the chieftain. If anyone here knows whether or not you can join the tribe, it'd likely be her!
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"Well, well! What have we here? Licktoads, by the look of you, and from what I've heard, orphans as well, hmm? Looking for a new place to live, I suspect? Well, you might be in luck, because we need new blood. I be the witch of this tribe, they call me Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh. I'm NOT chief! Our chieftains have been... lacking... in chieftainish ways. We've been having problems lately with an ogre and his fire-breathing boars, you see, and any goblins capable of killing the boars and driving off the ogre -- or driving off the boars and killing the ogre, we're not too picky -- well, they'll not only be welcomed into Birdcruncher territory with open arms, they'll be made chieftains, one and all!"
With that, the gathered Birdcruncher goblins suddenly animate into cheers and song. Eager and excited, they surge out of the cave to welcome their saviors, but suddenly freeze as the old woman shrieks out a command for silence. The goblins freeze in place, and she continues in a softer voice. "But we can't just assume you're the stuff chieftains are made of. You might just be lucky. No, no... before we accept you as our saviors and before you'll even have a chance to face off against Pa Munchmeat and his pig... I declare we have a Chieftain Moot!"
The gathered goblins erupt into cheers again, and all of you goblins know why -- a Chieftain Moot is a day-long festival of games and dares, a tradition among the local tribes when the need to select a new chief arises. Those goblins who want to be considered for the role must endure a number of trials during the moot, and if they survive and win, they earn the respect and support of the rest of the tribe.
Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh barks a few orders, and the Birdcrunchers scurry off to start organizing the moot. She then invites the PCs into the cave to sit and warm their feet by the fire, and asks them to introduce themselves to her and ask any questions they may have.
Poog stands there with his mouth ajar, unsure what to say, for quite some time.
Having failed spectacularly in the last round of dares and challenges, he knew he had yet to prove himself.
Still, one thing Poog was good at was goblin bravado.
"Poog do all games and dares...easy peasy!" he says. "Poog once hit cannibal goblin in face with ball of fire. Poog think fire kill cannibal goblin. Poog help kill ogre and pigs!" he yells, though the fact that he swallows hard means there's a break in his voice when he says it.
"Poog powerful cleric of Zarongel! Poog have powerful Magic Stick of Not Be Dead he use to help goblins not be dead! Poog Master of Fire and High Priest of the Dog Stabbings!!!"
"Goog do all things EVEN BETTER THAN POOG! Poog is weaker twin!"
Mogmurch raised a bomb high in the air
"Mogmurch is Boss of Big Fire and really good at bomb throwing. He do your tests easier than eating living sluggies."
Mogmurch let out a cheer of his own to match the Birdcrunchers and stowed the bomb.
"We hero gobs gonna pass all your tests and even beat ogre and boars. We gobs conquered Vorka and her evil doggies and horse, we can beat anything."
Poog commences a typical day's work of trying to bite off Goog's remaining ear and gouge out his eyes.
"Poog better! Poog older and Poog wiser!" the goblin lies...their mother had never said which was older.
To the extent he is unable to complete the grim work, he settles for giving Goog an atomic wedgie.
Mic stops picking pockets long enough to look up at those words. "Chieftain Moot" He pushes the Goblin that he was just picking the pocket of and moves forward. "Mic will take this challenge and Mic will win."
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Reta chimes in over the others. "Reta is the strongest! Reta will be the best, beautifulest chieftain! All of the goblin suitors will have to tell me I'm pretty whenever I want. Reta was overseer of village stabbings and will kill the ogre and ride the boars away from here!" Reta then pushes past the twins and bonks Chuffy on the head "Say you like my dress!" She threatens.
"Poog think Reta prettiest goblin and probably strongestest! So help Poog gouge out Goog's eyes! He say Reta ugliest!"
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Sprattleharsh feeds you, and gives you a day and a night to rest and prepare for the next day's moot. () Most of the Birdcrunchers spend the day preparing for the moot itself, and they're very secretive about what types of dares and trials they're readying.
That evening, a huge feast is held around the cave's central bonfire. The feast consists almost entirely of various bird dishes—seagull soup, charred grackle, raven's-eye pudding, vulture-ups, spicy sparrow poppers, and squeaky beakies are just a portion of the often-challenging dishes presented to the PCs during the night. The feast also gives the PCs a chance to talk to the Birdcrunchers and learn a bit more about what's going on in the region, if you'd like. You hear a number of goblins saying things like:
"Me hopes these chiefs be as brave as Gnawsparrow, but more effective!"
"Me thinks the lady is not as pretty as Crunchsnood, but might live longer!"
"No more Piggy belching fire at us Gobbos!"
Asking about these names gets evasive answers, with other goblins trying to change the subject.
As darkness falls, Wise Mummy brings out the fabled Crunchy Crown of the tribe, a crown made of bird skulls, bones, wings, and twigs.
"Tomorrow, Birdcrunchers have new Chief! New Chief wears Crunchy Crown. New Chief kick ugly Munchmeat Ogre out of Ravenroost! New Chief get to loot Chieftain's treasure chest!" At this last, the Birdcrunchers ooh and ahh appreciatively.
"Goog will do all those things and be chief! You all wait and see!"
"Uh-uh. Chuffy going to be chief! Not silly Poog - he can't even ride!"
Poog mentally adds Chuffy to his list of people he wants to kill someday, but otherwise remains silent.
He does try to bully some more information out of a very small-looking goblin in the new tribe.
"What happen to Gnawsparrow and Crunchsnood!?" he asks harshly.
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Mic will try to listen in, while hiding in the shadows.
"Mogmurch will be chief, is biggest and bestest at fire! Fire is in charge."
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Reta nearly throttles the goblin commenting on her. "Reta is prettiest and will DEFINITELY live longer than you if you don't take that back!" Once the goblin has submitted, she will ask, "Who is Crunchsnood, and why did she die?" intimidate: 1d20 - 2 ⇒ (6) - 2 = 4
"Wing grinder take it back! Reta is prettiest! Reta is prettiest! Crunchsnood old chief, she... uh, die of gout!"
-Posted with Wayfinder
Poog listens to Wing Grinder's explanation of what happened to the old chief. He steps forth and speaks as loudly as he can.
"Poog ask Zarongel what happen to old chief and daughter! Poog not sure she die of gout!"
He takes some pickled fish heads and spills them on the ground. He examines how they fell, then tosses a little salt from his salt shaker. Finally, he plays a few notes of his splintery flute, and then lifts his nearly-dead frog, Dogfinder, to his ear.
"LIES!!! old chief not die of gout! Zarongel say what happen! The ogres -- Pa Munchmeat and his daughter and his piggies -- moved in. Chief Gnawsparrow took weapons to demand ogre leave, but not return! His daughter Crunchsnood became chief, went out to kill ogre, not return either! Cousin Featherlips become chief, he not want to go after ogres. Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh force him to write 'breathing' on piece of paper, and he forget how! She let him erase it before he die, so he cry as he go out to face ogres, not return either. Now no one want to be chief!"
Poog pauses for effect. "THAT what Zarongel say to Poog! But Poog kill ogre now! Poog be new chief! Poog maybe let prettiest goblin of all goblins be co-chief with him!" he says with a sickly wink at Reta.
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"Moot begins tonight!" shouts Sprattleharsh, attempting to regain control after Poog's showy stunt.
With a cheer, the Birdcrunchers lead the newcomers to a gully south of the cave.
Each of you is given a shortbow with three arrows, each with a different color of fletching. Wise Mummy ties a blindfold carefully around each of your eyes, and then explains the rules.
"We release cages of seagulls! Three over the course of a minute! You shoot 'em down! Guess where they are and shoot! Ones in first cage, 2 points, ones in second, 4, ones in third, 6! Each further away than the last! Goblins ready!"
She waits for a moment to see if anyone has any questions, and then completely ignores them.
"GO!" she shouts, pulling a rope that opens the first cage, and dives to the ground.
Chuffy waits for the last cage, then fires all of his arrows!
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Chuffy's first shot is right on target, hitting a bird dead on. The next one misses the bird and impales a stump that a goblin is sitting on, just inches below his goblinhood, making him faint dead away, and the other goblins shriek with laughter and surprise. The third just arcs away into the woods, and no one sees where it lands or if it hits anything amusing.
Mic shoots at the first round. with all three of his arrows.
Mogmurch attempts to fire at a bird from every grouping.
Goog will also fire one arrow at a bird from each of the three cages.
With his eyes covered, Goog is essentially useless, and can't tell where any birds are.
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Mogmurch's first shot misses the bird he's aiming at entirely. However, with utter random luck, it flies up into the air, hits a duck who happened to be passing by, which then lands on Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh's head. She is so surprised by this that she proclaims Mogmurch unbelievably lucky and gives him 10 points. With his successful hit in the second group of birds, he's in the lead with 14 points.
Goog is not quite as lucky, hitting one bird in the second group, but his other two arrows flying wild, provoking mocking laughter from the audience. Goog has 4 points.
Poog also decides to fire a single arrow at each round of releases.
If he is honest with himself, he has no idea what he's doing.
Thrick
Reta BB
GM Paladin