| Triops stock image by Steve Jurvetson, Wikipedia Commons. Blinky himself not pictured, by virtue of not being found when we checked the bowl for his corpse... |
Death of a Three-Eyed Wonder
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Do you have an office pet that you can use to terrorize your coworkers? Is your terrifying office pet a living fossil that evolved just as the first terrestrial creatures set foot on land? Does your terrifying, living fossil office pet bear a striking resemblance to an aboleth? No? Well, then perhaps you should upgrade your office pet. Might I suggest... a triops?
Meet Blinky (so dubbed by Sutter). Blinky was hatched from an innocuous-seeming package of bark and detritus a mere two months ago. Even when he was a little filter-feeding larva, I could see the evil glint in Blinky's three eyes. He was destined for great things. He exercised dutifully, swimming around his bowl. He learned to hunt in that bowl, chasing down and consuming his weaker triops brethren. He had to absorb their power, as he knew he had to be strong. He moved onto the faster crustaceans that had the gall to hatch along with him, punishing them for swimming in his bowl as if they were his equal. He ate his broccoli and avoided his peas (a creature after my own heart).
It was not long before he had grown over an inch long. That's when he knew he was ready. Ready to escape his bowl and cause terror.
Alas, the poor creature has shuffled off this mortal carapace. Was it the new plant I introduced to the bowl just before the long weekend? Was it the cold seeping through the window? Was it the excitement of fulfilling his life-long goal of terrorizing Wes as he sleeps? Or was it Wes himself, intent on a mission of assassination and horror-eradication? I'm betting on Wes.
Don't worry, Wes. The next generation is already gestating. Soon, they will be larval, and before you know it, they will be tiptoeing through the vents, watching you type. Watching you with their three eyes. Waiting for you to sleep. The triops are coming for you, Wes.
Chris Self
Finance Manager