Some containers from limbo give truly random results when something is pulled out. They are not necessarily something that was ever put in the bag. The only rules are general game balance and possibly being funny. If they should be too big for the bag, they come out shrunken then rapidly expand to full size. Usable 3 times a day. Things put in the bag will seem to disappear. When a 20 is rolled, the current owner can select from the table or anything previously put in the bag.
1(or less): Fumble: The result will be from the disastrous Kender fumble tables. A link will be provided later.
2: Glave: Normal. Non magical.
3: Silver hammer. It's a hand/throwing hammer. Being made of chaotic silver it will bypass a lycanthrope's damage reduction.
4: Trank pistol. There are 3 darts left. Treat as sleep poison but not light sensitive.
5: Banana Peels. Enough to make one ten foot square surface slippery.
6: Seltzer Water: It's carbonated water, so it can put out fires or clean off dirt. 5 shots each of which can do 2D4 to fire creatures or slow an ooze for 2D4 rounds.
7. Icky ichor.
8. Funky fungus.
9. A crate. Roll on Goth Guru's Infinite Crates table for contents.
10. A magic bean. Roll on Magic Beans!! table.
11. As #3, but it's ordinary silver, so will bypass a lycanthrope's damage reduction.
12. Unwashed gym/exercise clothes.
15. A laundry bag containing a pin-stripe suit, patent leather shoes, and a fedora (+2 equipment bonus to Intimidate if all worn together), alongside a violin case containing a straight-razor and a Thompson submachine gun (with fully-loaded drum magazine). So you're ready to join the Italian Mob.
16. A glowing green crystal (illuminates as a torch). If touched to or thrown at a creature with damage reduction, it suppresses 10 points of DR (other than epic, piercing, blunt, or slashing) for 1 hour. It bursts apart into glowing sparks once this occurs.
17. A chaos emerald, except it has 10 charges and does not regain charges. It automatically loses one charge per day. It also absorbs and suppresses all spell manifestations on the plane it's on. They just don't happen. People can still see visible casters casting and can still try to identify their spells based on seeing that... but there's no manifestations other than ones specifically listed in the spell being cast. When the emerald runs out of charges, it disappears.
18. A strange book. Roll on the 100 Books Found in the Strange Library table.
19. A fine, porcelain bowl (1gp) with silver spoon (1gp) containing ice cream. Roll on Goth Guru's Ice Cream Flavors table.
22. A [Quall's] button token (shirt) (50 gp). It looks like a shirt button and functions as a feather token. When activated, it turns into a nice, clean shirt (10gp value). Quall experimented with buttons before his feather token idea took off. He planned to have numerous tokens sewed into his shirts and coat to pull off as needed, but his wife got tired of resewing and stitching up his shirts... so he tried making a token that made a shirt before dropping the whole idea.
23. Bag of 100 silver coins. They're normal silver, but if these exact 100 coins are in a bag, that bag can be used to bypass a lycanthrope's damage reduction. Damage as an improvised medium weapon (1d4).
24. The shield of wonder.
25. A small rock. Unfortunately, this is actually a giant boulder and it rapidly expands to a 12-foot diameter obstacle. The holder can make a DC 15 Reflex save to drop it quickly in an adjacent square (even if thrown, it expands quickly and drops into place). Any creature in a square where the boulder expands (excluding the bag owner if they already saved), needs a DC 15 Reflex save or take 2d6 damage as they're crushed a bit before being pushed away.
If the holder failed their save to drop the boulder, they are crushed underneath it for 3d6 damage and must roll on Goth Guru's Things Found Under a Rock table. Ignoring any result that isn't them.
27. A hardened puddle of melted candlewax with a wick sticking out. It does not detect as magic and, if lit, it burns like a candle for 1 hour and the wax reforms into a fully intact candle as it burns. It goes out after that time and is otherwise a completely functional normal candle that can be reused as such. It only does this once, being ordinary melted wax afterwards.
28. A syringe containing an ambiguous substance. Roll on Goth Guru's What's in the Bottle table. These will mostly be things you definitely don't want to inject into yourself... but that should be the case with any random needle and syringe you find laying around. Craft: Alchemy can potentially identify the substance (DC varies). There is a 20% chance the user accidently pokes and injects themselves as they draw the syringe (DC 15 Reflex; negates; +2 to save for heavy gloves or gauntlets).
If you're a [cuddly] GM, you can substitute the Potions table for less lethal/fun results.
30. A cryptid container. Contains a shrunken cryptid floating in a suspension liquid. If the bottle is broken or breached, the cryptid resumes it normal (deceased) size. Determine randomly what type of cryptid it is, or roll on Goth Guru's Curious Cryptid table.
Notes on 28. If you inject a piece of metal in a saline solution, the ghost in the metal will try to possess you via the magic jar rules. Properly used Sovern glue as an injectable can stop critical bleeding.
About 30, all urban legends are cryptids. Mothman is a ghost.
31. Quantum marbles (non-magical but detect as chaos). Sometimes called quantum caltrops or quantum glueballs. These eerily gray, slightly headache-inducing marbles are hard to look at and can be spread into a 5-foot space. Whenever a creature enters their square, there is a 33% chance they act as marbles, a 34–66% chance they act as glueballs and stick the target to the floor (Reflex DC 15 avoids but half speed and difficult terrain in that space still), and a 67–100% chance they act as caltrops (ignoring DR/chaotic and ignoring armor bonus from heavy shoes unless they are metal or incredibly hard-soled). They vanish after 5 minutes.
32. A pair of scissors tied to a 2-foot string. Can be untied with a DC 11 check, but it doesn't stop the scissors from working, since it's just tied around one of the handles.
33. A miniature portrait of a toy soldier wearing legwarmers and carrying a bag of flour (2 gp).
35: Cartoon hole. Rolled up hole that when put against a wall forms a ten foot long, 6 foot wide, tunnel through the wall. Can also be used as a pit. All GM rulings are final.
36. A red boxing glove, it's on the user's hand already when they pull it out. It's over any normal-sized gloves they're wearing, but any other bulky coverings or gauntlets are now in the bag and must be drawn later (or this result again for the same user). The boxing glove has an iron horseshoe inside that converts the damage it deals to lethal. The user is compelled to shake it out immediately after the first time striking someone. 10% chance that it's a lucky horseshoe.
37. A lacy, duelist's glove dangling between the user's fingers. They are compelled to slap the nearest antagonist in their life with the glove as a touch attack. The attack deals 1d6 (no Str) damage on a hit and the user is immediately compelled to shake the lacy glove, causing an iron horseshoe to fall out despite there being no logical way it could be in there. The first person struck with the glove is compelled to accept a reasonable challenge from the user (DC 12 +1 per point of damage). 10% chance that it's a lucky horseshoe.
38. A 5-foot length of hemp rope (1 lb.; strong transmutation). Anytime someone says the word 'rope' in any language in the vicinity of the rope, it doubles in size (and increases in weight; 2 lbs per 10 feet). The first time this rope is cut, the cutter receives an equal percentage of their max hp in damage, based on the length cut (max 50%, because that's the farthest you can cut a rope from either end). If the cut location is unknown (because it was tied or coiled when cut), roll 1d4+1 x 10% for the amount of hit points lost by the cutter (Fort DC 18; half). After that, the rope is normal rope (in two pieces).
39: Grappling gun. It shoots a grappling hook out on a 100 foot cable. Perfect for swinging over a deep crevasse, or being pulled up to the roof of a building.
40. A stretchy unitard/singlet sized for the user [detects as moderate transmutation]. It's made of blue fabric with orange lettering and numbers. The letters for Paizo University (P.U.) are on the front and back as well as a number that equals the user's max hit points at the time they drew it (this doesn't change later). When worn, it allows the wearer to gain a +10 competence bonus on checks to reverse or escape a grapple or pin 3/day. The wearer is imparted this knowledge as well as the restriction that this only functions when it's the only clothing worn other than boots, gloves, a hood or headband, and a cape (not a cloak). After any strenuous activity or combat where its power is used, it seems inordinately soaked with sweat, grime, blood, or tears and gives a –2 penalty on Charisma checks against others until thoroughly washed. Like actually washing it.
41. A magical disguise kit containing one of the following:
1. Doctor: A white coat, stethoscope, and head mirror. Can pull out small hammer for testing reflexes.
2. Mom: A bathrobe, fuzzy slippers, and hairnet with curlers in it. Can pull out rolling pin.
3. Barber: Curly fake mustache, apron, and comb and scissors.
4. Make-up artist: Curly wig, smock, and bag of cosmetics. Can pull out a powder brush or pancake for bigger application.
5. Exotic dancer: Either veils, big feathery fans, or a headpiece covered in fruit with big, gold hoop earrings. Also has the entertainer's outfit to match that style.
6. Angel: Light blue-white robe, fake wings, and fake golden halo connected to thin metal rod on back of robe. Can pull out a small harp.
The magical outfit takes a standard action to fully apply and allows an immediate disguise check, but using the wearer and the target's opposed Charisma's in place of their normal abilities. Incredible roleplay can adjust this. The effect lasts no more than 3 rounds and any damage inflicted on a target while wearing a disguise or immediately after is nonlethal. The kit must be used within 1 minute of drawing before it disappears.
42. A folded-up umbrella made of pink material. The user can open it as a move action and it grants a +2 shield bonus against one attack. It also automatically deflects or absorbs any liquid attacks as well as orbs, rays, blasts, and direct bomb attacks (which can still cause splash damage) directed at the user. It grants a +2 Reflex save against effects originating in the direction it's facing. These might char or destroy the umbrella, leaving a scorched metal frame behind. Against lightning and electrical attacks, however, any such attacks within 30 feet of the wielder automatically target them and they receive a –2 penalty to saves and cannot use evasion. Electrical attacks delivered by touch, such as shocking grasp, are not redirected (though the user still gets the –2 penalty against such effects directed at them if applicable).
The umbrella also allows its wielder (when opened) to feather fall once. The umbrella lasts for 1 attack or 1 minute otherwise.
41 is going to need it's own topic, Random Costumes, because it can include Devil costume(includes pitchfork), Wolfman(fangs and claws are soft plastic), sheep, goat, pony, unicorn, the list goes on.
41 is going to need it's own topic, Random Costumes, because it can include Devil costume(includes pitchfork), Wolfman(fangs and claws are soft plastic), sheep, goat, pony, unicorn, the list goes on.
Certainly, GMs can also substitute or add to the list:
7. Southern Belle: including day gown, white gloves, bonnet, and fan. Can produce lacy handkerchiefs to wave or dangle.
8. Coach: Either for a sports team or a ringside coach for a boxer. Can produce a water bucket or spritzer and towel to wave/fan in target's face.
9. Gangster: Including big-shouldered coat, low-brimmed hat, and shiny, patent shoes. Can produce a toothpick or cigar to be prominently clenched in teeth while talking except when using it to point for emphasis.
10. Chef: White chef's hat, apron and coat. Can produce frying pans, pots, rolling pins, or trays. Such items may include cookies, muffins, cakes, or dough as appropriate. Wearer's can make a Profession or Craft check related to actually make tasty edible versions. Poison or detrimental effects can't be created (though they can be added to such items if such poisons are available, taking the normal time and actions to perform, such effects are limited to causing sleep, drowsiness, or unconsciousness and any ability damage or drain is temporary and wears off within 1 minute).
43. An IV bag of whole blood. Compatible with any creature (unless they have a specific allergy or reaction to blood). If the needle is injected into any such creature (no damage), the bag drains in one round and replaces up to 25 hit points lost to bleed damage in the past 48 hours and additionally 1d4 Con lost to bleed or blood drain effects within the past 48 hours by the target. It also heals 1d4 hit points lost for any reason (CL 10 or +10 to checks to overcome effects that resist healing but does not detect as magic).
44. Lit birthday cake. Three-layers, random amount of candles (1d100). Might be an ice cream cake. Random flavor or roll on Goth Guru's Cake Flavors or Goth Guru's Ice Cream Flavors table.
45. Warm pie. Roll on Goth Guru's Random Pie table. Can be edible or used as a throwing weapon.
46. Hand mirror (silver)
47. Live chicken
48. Rubber chicken filled with ball-bearings.
49. Sack of bottle caps.
50. Baseball bat (wooden). Treat as club, no improvised weapon penalty.
51: The entire physical universe. As it replaces the old universe, time goes back to the beginning of the current encounter. Will save to realize what just happened.
52. The entire meta-physical universe. It replaces the old universe, time goes back to the beginning of the current encounter if one is occurring. All creatures and NPCs now have the elite array of abilities, not just PCs and notable NPCs (and does include animal companions or pets). This is unnoticeable unless indirectly noted (like losing in arm-wrestling to someone you have beaten easily before recently) and NPC casters gaining bonus spells or slots from increased abilities automatically have them as though they always existed. It lasts for 1 week before the universe rights itself.
53. A part of the meta-magic universe. It overlaps the old one. GM picks a random metamagic feat (or roll on Goth Guru's Meta-tastic Metamagic Menu) and all spells other than cantrips are considered to have that metamagic applied to them (if possible). This does not increase casting times but does includes the level increase, meaning many casters will be unable to cast certain spells. Casters that happen to have that metamagic feat already, receive a –1 reduction to the normal level increase (minimum +0). Spells that can't have that particular metamagic feat applied are not increased. This is automatically noticed and understood by all casters when it happens and lasts for 1d4 days before the universe rights itself.
54. What appears to be a long beaded necklace sized for a Large creature. Strangely, it doesn't have a clasp, though there's a finger-sized ring on one end that seems like it would use one, and the beads get progressively larger as one goes along the length, rather than small to large in the center and then back to small again.
55:The character pulls out a script. The characters are now all voice actors. They are at a story conference talking to the head animator, producer, several NPC voice actors, the head writer, an advertising exec., and a studio executive, all played by the GM. They must decide what will happen in the cartoon with the intention of attracting the most viewers, advertisers, ect. When the conference ends the game resumes with the events as discussed. Now is a good time to confront a disruptive player. Try to get everyone on the same page. The cartoon is either a Saturday morning kiddie show, a late night adult anime, or maybe a prime time satire of the genera.
57. As #56, except the command word is 'arbadacarba' and the first use is normal, but after that, the wand continues to work every single round, casting the spell and expending a charge until empty. It will target and be centered on the nearest creature that wasn't in a previous area of effect (though such creatures can be caught in another if they've moved). This will likely be its user the next round. Putting it away does nothing, it doesn't need line of effect, it has unlimited range, and can detect invisible, ethereal, or otherwise unseen or coexistent creatures (though they might not be affected). Destroying the wand, successfully dispelling it, or succeeding at a DC 22 Use Magic Device check can end its casting early. It can't be used while it's casting (to cast two glitterdusts per round, for instance).
58. The user will feel that they've grabbed something in their fist, like a pebble, but when they withdraw their hand, they will find that the inside of their fist has tiny eyes, either googly eyes or painted on, and the sides of their thumb and index finger are tinged red like a mouth. The hand can talk and can observe the situation. It immediately says something encouraging, introducing itself with a random name and then casting a spell to benefit the user based on the situation.
Talking hand:
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It can only cast Verbal spells of 2nd-level or lower (it doesn't need a Focus for [it]true strike[/i]). In most cases, a true strike, knock, command, blur, feather fall, or hold portal might work if you don't want to make your own list. It casts at CL 3 and does not provoke AoOs. It then wishes the user the best of luck, and they regain the use of their hand, holding a random stone (roll 1d6).
d6
1: It's a glue stone and they can't open their hand until it dries in 5 minutes, universal solvent is applied, or a Strength check DC 12 is made (oil or alcohol, including wine or other solvents, lowers the DC by 2)
2-3: It's a pebble, suitable for use in a sling.
4-5: Low quality gem.
6: Semi-precious gem.
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If the user does not possess a suitable hand for making such a face, their limb is instead covered with adhesive, which they instinctively know they can use as a glue seal spell, requiring them to touch the target surface or object.
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It only works for the one who drew it and it only works once per day for scrying. Additionally, it can be used once per day as an augury spell. The drawer is aware of these properties.
After the first time it is successfully used, however, unknown to the user, they lose a small part of their past. From that point, whenever the character tries to remember something or use a Knowledge check to think about something they've learned (ie. the player says something like, "Do I remember...?"), at which point, no more than once per day, the GM can just say, "No", and the character gets so caught up in trying to think or remember that thing they spend one round just muttering or holding their head and saying things like, 'Think... think. It's on the tip of my tongue. What...was it?" or similar. After that round, the GM rolls on the confusion table until they get a result of 'Acts normally', with all other results being continued concentration. Being attacked or directly threatened will end this early. After that, the character can make a Knowledge or Intelligence check (or maybe just remember if it didn't require a check).
Since it only works for the drawer, most people will not buy or accept it (10 gp possibly, as a magical curio or crystal), but getting rid of it doesn't end the effect. Only returning it to the bag. If destroyed, all (or at least, the vast majority) of its pieces must be returned to the bag to end it.
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60: +4 cape of dork boy
+4 AC that stacks with everything else. Every NPC will call the wearer Dork Boy.
61: Great sword of plastic bricks. When you hit something with it, it falls apart and becomes +4 caltrops.
62. +4 Cape of Cork Girl
A purple, merlot-colored cape of light satin. A silver stitching emblem on the back shows a stoppered wine jug and a jar of what might be pickles.
Cape:
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NPCs will refer to wearer as 'Cork Boy/Girl', but they don't know why. Wearer gets a +4 bonus to open jugs, jars, wine bottles, and other stoppered containers, but only within 1 minute of someone else attempting it first. Wearer can Take 10, but not 20. If they fail, they may make one retry but a failure renders Cork Girl fatigued and the cape cannot be used for 24 hours.
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63. Sword of Drastic Pricks
The user draws forth a sword that they are proficient with (shortsword, longsword, or greatsword). If not proficient with any of these, it will be a shortsword and they will count as proficient with it. The blade is luminous red steel with a pronounced needle-like point.
Sword:
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This +2 sword functions normally until swung at a foe. The wielder will suddenly start stabbing and poking and jabbing frantically at their target and every other creature within reach of them. Each time an attack is made with the sword, the attack roll is made once and checked against each creature's AC. Against the intended target, the sword deals normal damage, against all others it inflicts 1 damage. All damage dealt by the sword of drastic pricks is piercing, regardless of how it's used (though it can be nonlethal). Special effects for striking targets, such as additional energy damage, sneak attack, poison, or delivering spells only apply to the intended target.
The sword will remain for 24 hours or until the wielder loses or gives up possession of it (not just drops or has it disarmed), at which time it vanishes.
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64. Animal Totem Pole
A thick, 1-foot piece of carved wood, smooth and polished with crude, indecipherable animal shapes. It's about as heavy and thick as a human's forearm.
Totem:
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(Moderate Conjuration) If dropped or thrown to the ground, the stump of wood stands upright and roots itself to the floor and grows to five feet in height and 1–1/2 to 2 feet in diameter. The animal carvings will become more distinct and allow identification of them. There are five animal forms, one foot tall each, standing one atop each other.
Roll randomly among animals found on the summon nature's ally I, II, and III lists (1d3). The topmost animal will always be a flying or winged creature (use Eagle (I), Axebeak (II), or Dire Bat (III) if you don't have a custom GM choice). Determine the other animals similarly, though no creature can be found more than once on the totem pole and the lowest, base creature will be from the summon nature's ally III list and will not be a winged or flying creature.
Two rounds after the totem rises, the topmost wooden figure will start moving and transform into a living (summoned) creature it depicts. This will occur every two rounds until the final, base totem creature comes to life. Totem creatures are not under anyone's control, but they will attack the drawer's foes if present. If no foes are present, the totem creatures generally mill around chaotically and noisily (which could attract enemies), though they don't attack each other, even if natural predators. Totem creatures cannot be dispelled as long as one creature in the totem remains unsummoned (though an antimagic effect can wink them out) and will remain for 1 minute after the final creature forms. They disappear if reduced to 0 hit points or less.
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65: Laughing gas grenade
Pull the pin and throw. Causes a 30 foot radius cloud wherein anything that breathes mut fort save 18 or be subject to Hideous Laughter as the spell. Usually dissipates after 20 minutes, so, the entire combat.
66. Laughing Gas Grenade II. As #65, except the pin also explodes in a similar 10-foot radius cloud when the grenade does. The clouds only last half as long, 10 minutes, so still the entire combat.
67: Horn with rubber bulb that detects as magic. When the bulb is squeezed it makes a sound like a goose. It also summons 1D6 angry geese. They bite for 1D2+1, crit on a creature's most sensitive parts for triple damage, and attack the nearest target. They persist for a whole combat, or until slain, and the horn can be used 3 times a day. You should quickly learn to point it at the enemy when you use it. Each goose is S sized and has 2D4+2 hits.
68. Standalone Pillory
A wooden framework meant to secure the head and heads of a criminal. When pulled forth, it drops full size to the ground.
Pillory:
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(faint Enchantment) The pillory is capable of securing Small or Medium creatures of roughly humanoid shape (raising or lower slightly for height purposes). Any such creature except the drawer within 30 feet that can see it is subject to a compulsion to move forward and place themselves into the device (DC 15). Only if no other creatures fail the save does the drawer have to attempt one or be affected instead.
Affected creatures will move forward, avoiding threats and defending themselves to be the first to do so. The restraining board has a simple latch that clicks into place upon being closed that can be easily opened by anyone other than the restrained (unless they have a free prehensile appendage) with a touch attack (AC 10, does not provoke). They remain there as long as possible. If anyone releases the latch (to try and place themselves in the pillory, for instance), the captive is moved safely 5 feet away and can make a new saving throw to resist the compulsion to try and return.
The pillory is heavy, but not immovable (50 lbs). Anyone inside loses their Dexterity bonus and has their speed reduced to 5. The pillory remains for 1d4 minutes before vanishing. Anyone in the pillory when it vanishes is dimension door'd to a safe place, regains hit points equal to the rounds spent in confinement, and a +1 CHAOS! bonus to their saves for 24 hours.
Creatures in the pillory can be slapped, pelted with non-lethal attacks, or humiliated, but any excessive abuse (even non-lethal), like continuous beating or attacks or any damaging attacks or spells will cause initiators to very clearly sense that that is a bad idea. Continuing to do so, or allowing such a prisoner to be damaged by their action will cause that prisoner to be dimension door'd a safe distance away and the offender put in their place (no save) with the enchantment breaking for all other parties to be replaced with a vengeful outrage effect (DC 17) until the pillory is destroyed or vanishes. The pillory remains for 1 minute after this occurs before vanishing. In this case, the confined creature is left behind and becomes fatigued.
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69. A copy of the Kama Sutra (or the campaign equivalent).
Book:
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The book is a well-made copy, printed in the drawer's language (or Common otherwise) with illustrations. It provides a +2 equipment bonus if available for reference for any suitable actions (GM's discretion).
Upon drawing it, all creatures within 30 feet with line of sight to the drawer and the book save against unnatural lust, focusing on the drawer.
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70. An exact replica of a random melee weapon in the drawer's possession, except it's silver and counts as chaotic (even if non-magical). Lawful or axiomatic abilities will be chaotic instead (or non-existent).
Silver Weapon of CHAOS!:
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It lasts 24 hours or until it leaves the drawer's ownership (sold or given to another, not just loaned or set down). Unknown to the drawer, if they place the original weapon in the bag, the chaotic silver one will remain (they are imparted this knowledge immediately if they do so, but the original is gone, barring some chaotic further draw from the chaos bag).
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72. Old Oaken Bucket II
[moderate Enchantment] Identical to #71, but it cannot be refilled with liquid once emptied. Ever. Attempting to pour or add liquid, even magically with spells like create water, fail and it all just splatters around. It can be used to hold other things; eggs, straw, nails. But if those items become liquid, like grapes getting crushed into juice, it splashes out. This makes it good for protecting items from moisture and rusting, and means the bucket can be used as a sort of diving helmet, though the air doesn't refresh. If made into a helmet, it does protect the wearer's face from being splashed with liquids, like acid, pepper spray, or venomous spittle.
The bucket can be refilled or have liquid added if the original water hasn't been emptied yet.
73. Old Oaken Bucket III
Identical to #71 but it's full of abnormal water. The water is alcoholic and tastes like beer, and looks like beer, and acts like beer.
TL/DR It's beer.
74. Old Oaken Bucket IV
Identical to #71 but it contains a dormant slithering tracker. It resembles water when at rest (DC 18 Perception). If touched, poured out of the bucket, jostled overmuch, or if someone tries to drink it, it 'animates' and attacks the nearest creature. It's otherwise normal, as is the bucket.
75. An immense, clown-headed, spring-loaded jack-in-the-box is pulled forth, with the spring sticking out of the chaos bag. It's a creepy clown and it starts hissing out vile things about the rise of chaos and the impending evisceration and death of the world.
Creepy Clown-in-the-Box:
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As long as the drawer continues to hold it by the head, it just glares with its bloodshot, bulging eyes and spews invectives from its cracked, yellowed teeth with its booze-tinged breath. Every round, as a swift action it makes a single Intimidate check (+10) against every creature within 30 feet, including the user, to demoralize them. The drawer may make an opposed Strength check as a standard action to stuff the head back into the sack (DC 14). Others may assist.
If the drawer ever lets go of the clown head, it must be grappled and pinned to stuff it back in the sack (CMB/CMD +10/22). Each round, in addition to demoralizing, it will attack a target (10 ft. reach) with a bite attack (+8 attack, 1d4+4 damage; Fort save (DC 15) or develop alcohol addiction). It can move 10 feet as a full round action by stretching its spring neck and biting onto relatively stable objects and dragging the sack along.
It is not a living creature and is invulnerable to all damage except a child's laughter (from an actual child, laughing with joy, though it can be an evil, disturbed child laughing at the sheer chaos going on). Each round it's subjected to that, there is a 75% chance it retreats into the sack (vanishing). If silenced for one minute, it glares and retracts into the sack as well. Destroying the chaos bag causes it to vanish.
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76. Old Oaken Bucket V
Identical to #71 but once emptied it can only be refilled by one pure of heart. Such individuals can refill it by submerging it in a spring of holy water and politely asking it to fill. Any individual can do this only once in their lifetime, and it makes one ineligible for future trials that require total purity. But hey, now you've got a bucket of holy water, so that's pretty nifty I would say.
77. Cough Drops
Four red lozenges that smell of sweet cherry candy. They have a pleasant taste and will soothe the throat of those who suck upon them. Just biting or chewing them tastes good, but is less effective.
77. Cough Drops II
As #77, but anyone putting one into their mouth feels a distracting, unpleasant tingle in their throat and starts coughing. This lasts for one hour and gives a –2 penalty to checks involving talking. Verbal spells or command words require a Concentration check to complete (DC 15 for command words or DC 15 + spell level for verbal spells or scrolls, Con may be used in place of a casting stat). They taste even better, requiring a DC 10 Will save after the effects wear off or the user eats another if available. "It wasn't that bad. And they do taste really *cough* good. And they are called 'cough drops' after all. Kinda *cough* on me."
78. Old Oaken Bucket VI
As #71, except it's new, made from hickory, and empty.
79. Old Oaken Bucket VII
As #71 except it has a hole in the bottom, so it won't hold liquid very well. It's still full of water when drawn, but not for long. It was created this way, so mend effects won't fix it, but the bottom can be replaced or patched normally or a suitably-sized cork can be used to plug it.
80: Beret of Miming
This hat when donned covers the wearer with a personal silence spell, adds mime makeup to their face as a disguise spell, and provides the Mime feat. They can use cartoon powers, or cast any spell silently, as long as they can act it out convincingly. Stealth is +4 as a conditional modifier.
81. Beret of Maiming
As #80, it detects, identifies, and functions as a beret of miming unless the identify check exceeds the DC by 10. The first time the wearer mimes something that could potentially be dangerous, its curse activate
Beret of Maiming:
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(CL 15; auras: strong chaos, strong illusion)
The first time the wearer mimes doing something the GM feels could be potentially harmful, physically, to the wearer, they make a DC 20 Will save (they receive no alert whether successful or not) or the curse activates. The silence effect becomes permanent, the make-up cannot be removed or hidden, even with illusion, disguise, or magic. Full face coverings, like masks or helmets, either get painted with disturbing mime-face or fall or drop off. If the wearer saves, they must save again the next time they take such an action.
Depending on the action, the result can be different. A mime who pretends to be trapped in a box, will find themselves trapped in an actual glass or other type of box. A mime who feigns pulling on a rope, suddenly finds it wrapping around them and trying the strangle them. A mime walking against the wind in a potentially precarious position (alliteration) may find the wind suddenly blowing them towards a cliff, edge, pit, or off the sidewalk into traffic.
The constructed items or effects are illusory creations that are invisible (and entirely immaterial) to everyone but the mime. If able to see illusions, they see the faint outlines. To the mime, the illusions are quasi-real and are fully functional (in detrimental ways to the mime). The save to see through them is DC 20 for the mime, but even on a success the objects are 20% real and effective against them.
Most others, even if the mime could ask for help under the silence effect and if they could interpret the miming for help as something other than an act, can't actually affect or typically see what it is that's happening.
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Additional notes:
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Some additional possible triggers:
– A mime pantomiming lighting a stick of dynamite or throwing a grenade could end up with the explosive materializing for them and stuck to their hand. Others would see them shaking their hand frantically as though trying to dislodge something.
– A mime pretending to peel and eat a banana or pretending to toss a piece of fruit or other objects into the air and catch it in their mouth may find themselves suddenly choking.
– A mime pantomiming riding a horse may suddenly be lifted into the air as though mounted (others can see this, even if they can't see or interact with the mount) and get carried off in a likely dangerous direction, potentially falling off and hurting themselves if they fail a sudden Ride check, or possibly being carried skyward if the mimed creature was somehow capable of flight.
– A mime trapped in a box, may find themselves running out of air, possibly in a collapsing box.
– A mime feigning juggling may find a spiked or fiery juggling ball appear in their hand if they implied they were juggling balls, possibly a sharpened blade if they say they mimed juggling blades or axes.
– A mime feigning drinking may have to make a check to avoid choking as actual (to them) liquid forms in their throat, or it could be ingested poison.
– A mime pantomiming opening an umbrella may be struck by lightning (invisible, silent, and undetectable to others), leaving them blown off their feet and smoking. Or possibly caught in a strong gust of wind and dragged in a precarious or dangerous direction.
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Most illusory effects dissipate or end as soon as they do some damage (to the GM's satisfaction) or the mime someone extricates themselves (drops the spiked juggling ball, gets out of the glass box, cuts or escapes the rope noose, etc).
Otherwise, the curse remains until removed by a remove curse spell coupled with a dispel chaos within 10 minutes of each other. Once triggered, the beret loses all power and can be removed or worn by the mime or another with no effects, beneficial or detrimental (other than the fashion statement wearing a beret sends).
82: Target
A large, plastic, sticker with the concentric circles of a dart board. All missile weapons are drawn to it. If placed on the back of an enemy, it adheres. If placed on a floor or ground it eventually attracts a meteor, satellite, or other space object, destroying the item.
83: Pie
Seemingly normal pie stuns any creature it hits. DC 18 will save to snap out of it next round. Keep trying to save till successful.
84. Pie II
As #83 except there is almost nothing seemingly normal about this pie. Short, writhing tentacles poke forth through the crust and around the edges. If thrown as a touch attack, it attempts to grapple any target it hits (+10 to grapple CMB/CMD). On a confirmed critical hit, it strikes the target's face (if applicable) and it receives a +4 bonus to CMB and CMD as it wraps around their head. The target is also blinded and cannot breathe until freed.
The pie is not a creature. It deals 1d4+2 nonlethal damage while grappling. If it misses its target when thrown or the target escapes its grapple, it lasts for one round, where it attempts to grapple any other creature within 5 feet. If successful, it continues as above. If not, it dissolves into a foul-smelling pile that reeks of elderbeastberries.
85. Pie III
As #83, but if the pie successfully strikes a target, 1d4 additional pies materialize from that pie and fly towards the nearest creatures to that target within 15 feet (can include the original thrower, no more than one pie per target). Use the same attack modifier as the original.
86. 15 Minutes of Fame
An 8-inch, round wall-clock (though the drawer may not realize what it is). It has 15 numbers around the face and a single hand pointing to 15 and slowly counting down. For the next 15 minutes, everyone seems to know general details and the name of the drawer on sight. The drawer receives a +4 fame bonus to interactions with others during this time unless they already have a relationship from actual interaction (enemies, friends, people they've interacted with in ways that would have influenced initial reaction, etc. Not just a merchant they met or talked to). If the clock is destroyed or put back in the bag, the effect ends. There is no way to extend it.
87. 15 Minutes of Flame
As #86, but the drawer bursts into seemingly harmless flames. They give off slight heat but don't damage creatures or objects. Anyone passing or interacting with the drawer for the next 15 minutes feels compelled to taunt and tease and criticize them on the slightest things (DC 15 Will to resist). They aren't hostile (unless they were already). The drawer is exceedingly sensitive to such things directed at them during this time. Such taunters have the equivalent of a sanctuary effect against them for two round after any such taunt (Will save DC 15 to attack them). The effect persists regardless of what happens to the clock (though it does keep track of the remaining duration).
89. Bottom of the bag
Surprisingly, it's the bottom of the bag or backpack. It turns inside-out briefly, and 1d3 other results are rolled, falling out of the bag (if possible, roll again for results that don't work) before it returns to normal.
90. Beret of Mining
Similar to #80, this magical hat only works when the wearer mimes digging or tunneling, at which point it functions as expeditious excavation. Unknown to the wearer, it only functions for 2d4 rounds after the first use. After that, if the wearer tries to mime mining again, the dug out area collapses in (though it is briefly excavated). If the wearer is in the excavation at that time, they risk being... wait for it... beret'd alive! The beret loses all power when this happens except for the silence effect, which persists as long as wearer is buried.
91. Oven mitt.
A perfectly functional oven mitt. It's on the wearer's hand when they withdraw it from the chaos bag. If they had a glove or other covering, it's under the mitt. If they had a bulky hand covering, like a gauntlet, it's now in the bag and must be drawn later. Roll on Goth Guru's Tabards, Posters, and Handbills chart to see what design or slogan is stitched into the oven mitt.
"Oh, dang, looks like someone left some dust in this bag." And then next thing you know it starts hopping around and now you've got a dust bunny on your hands. Tiny creatures born from neglect after one decade too long without cleaning a bag of holding, dust bunnies are not appreciated by most, as they tend to just release dust and lint wherever they go. This doesn't have any mechanical effect, but everything just looks and feels a little dirtier when they're around. Fortunately, one good stomp is all it takes to get rid of them in a poof of lint, if you can catch them..
93. Lust Bunny
Similar to #92, including making things feel a little dirtier when they're around, but for different reasons.
94. Velvet choker trimmed in ermine (250 gp)
95. A jagged red crystal shard.
(Aura: strong Chaos). When drawn, the drawer feels compelled (Will save DC 15) to jab it into themselves (1 damage + half strength bonus, bypass DR). If they do, they receive fire resistance 10 for 1 hour. If they succeed, and choice not to impale themselves anyway, they immediately drop it. Any other creatures within 15 feet that see it must make a Will save DC 10 of be compelled to grab it and jab themselves. The crystal shard lasts 1 minute or until used, at which point it shatters into glowing red motes.
96. A jagged green crystal shard.
As #95 except any creature jabbed begins sweating and excreting acid. Any creatures touching or striking the user with a natural or unarmed attack, or struck by a natural or unarmed attack from the user, take 5 points of acid damage. The user is immune to this acid (though it does have a harsh, caustic, eye-burning scent), but their equipment and gear and touched items are not. They have time to immediately start removing gear once they start excreting acid, but some things that take time, like armor, may still be damaged.
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As the user draws their hand out, if contains a pile of green slime. This slime is imbued with CHAOS!. Being only a small piece and not a whole 5-foot patch, it deals 2 points of Con damage to those touching it. It deals 1 point less to chaotic creatures and 1 point more to lawful creatures. The drawer takes this damage and may immediately fling, throw, or drop it. If not, it can only be removed by freezing, burning, or other methods to kill it after that point.
The patch remains active as a normal piece of slime (and will eventually grow into a 5-foot patch, dealing 1d6 Con damage as normal but maintaining the CHAOS! properties). Until then it will only do 2 points of Con. Otherwise it is destroyed as normal if exposed to fire, cold, or sunlight.
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The slime does not affect the Chaos Bag.
99. Red Balloons
99 Red Balloons:
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The user is holding one. The rest just fly out at a rate of 11 per round (10 on the first round) and can't be stopped unless a dispel magic or similar effect is used. They aren't lighter than air, but they do drift and float slowly before settling on the ground. More than 20 in a square will spill out into an adjacent space and start to fill that. Any square with at least 10 balloons applies a –1 to attacks made at targets into, out of, or through it. After a minute, if not disturbed, they settle down and don't cause any hinderance until disturbed (moved into or an attack kicks them up). The balloons are otherwise permanent until destroyed or popped, at which point they vanish.
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100. A ruby dagger.
(Moderate transmutation) A masterwork dagger made of ruby with a leather-wrapped hilt sized for the drawer. It has no enhancement bonus but is enchanted to be as strong and durable and deadly as an equivalent steel blade (though it doesn't count as metal). It can be enchanted further.
101: Cubic Gate. This small metal cube will expand into a large metal gate if touched to the side of any doorway. Even one of a pair of trees. The gate is made of thick metal bars and has a hidden button on your side that if you push it turns it back into a cube. The DC is 19 to pick the lock.
102. Cubic Door
This hand-sized metal cube looks like a die and has a number of pips on each face (1d6). Each side has the same number of dots.
Cubic Door:
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(CL 20, strong conjuration) When placed into a square or rectangular room with four or more exits (max. size 100 square feet) and the cube is tapped a number of times equal to the pips on a side, the cube grows into a door and vanishes. Each of the entries into the room becomes a metal door (hardness 20, 100 hit points). Existing magical doors are not replaced. All doors open outward.
Anyone outside the room opening a doorway into it sees unpierceable, swirling fog. Anyone inside can see out easily. When one door to a room is opened, all other doors do so as well, even if locked or otherwise sealed or blocked, requiring all doors to be locked or barricaded to effectively stop them from opening.
Objects, spell effects, and creatures trying to enter the room find themselves exiting a random other door with no sense of direction or orientation. Sound and communication is still possible across the threshold.
Only someone knocking on the door a number of times equal to the pips on the original cube before stepping or guiding someone else through can enter the actual room (within 1 round), though it can still be accessed via teleport or through the ceiling, floor, or other methods.
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103. Handful of flash powder.
104. Potion of fire breath (CL 10)
Clearly labeled.
105. Shrunken head
Eyes, nose, and mouth stitched shut. It's of a random humanoid type and class/profession. It has the barest minimum of backstory, (explorer, tribal warrior, etc.), but its whole existence is basically chaos and being a shrunken head. Attempts to magically communicate with it (speak with dead) require unsealing the lips and a Will save against the chaotic images, screams, and descriptions that spew out into the caster's mind (it doesn't actually speak). Rendering them confused for 10 minutes or 1 round on a successful save.
106. Shrunken head II
Soulspeaker. It already contains a message (eyes stretched open) and will state to the drawer (others may overhear), "The command word is '[word]'."
Effect:
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The word is random, chosen by the GM, but the next magical item the drawer tries to use has that as its command word, whatever it was before and whether they knew it or not. This can be handy when finding a new item, but may cause confusion or lost time when grabbing their own item and trying to activate it, in which case it won't work. The word doesn't change for the item until the drawer tries to activate it, but after that point it is permanent.
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After delivering this message, the head's eyes close and it functions as a normal soulspeaker, though the original message is never repeated (unless the owner says it, but it won't have the original effect).
107. Anvil
This palm-sized metal blacksmith's anvil immediately starts to expand in the drawer's hand to full size and weight (100 lbs.) The user can choose to immediately drop it back into the bag or drop it on the ground (safely, in either case). It cannot be throw effectively. If they do neither, it automatically falls to the ground and they need a DC 12 Reflex save to avoid 2d4 damage from it striking a foot or other appendage. The anvil is otherwise solid, normal, and on a workable base, suitable for blacksmithing. It is upright and stable unless it lands on a surface it could break through from the sudden impact of its weight, such as a wooden floor or platform.
108. Soy sauce packets
109. Produce flame (CL 10)
When the user withdraws their hand, it's wreathed in flame, as the spell. Cannot be dismissed but reaching into the chaos bag with it extinguishes it (the other hand can be used to draw something else).
110. Yarn
An oblong skein of pale, yellow yarn (100 yards/300 feet), suitable for knitting or navigating labyrinths.
111. Handful of change (approx. 50 coins)
28 cp, 10 sp, 10 gp, and 2 pp (or roll randomly).
