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For the record, as a general rule of thumb, the only thing more dangerous to introduce to an argument than metaphors is an attempt to paraphrase.
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I don't think we are actually disagreeing. I certainly agree with you in your example. In both circumstances, the problem is dismissing the pain and lived experiences of a marginalized group. Whether imperialist forces or bigots online, it is the people inflicting harm on others that is the problem. The problem isn't pointing to it and saying "this is wrong and you are wrong for reinforcing it".
If there's anything we've learned from people who compare those of us advocating for trans rights to the Nazis, it's that bad actors will always be happy to appropriate the language and ideas of social justice and use them against us. So I think that's a fair point.
That being said, I don't think Saedar is saying "if someone calls you prejudiced, you aren't allowed to disagree" in that quote. It reads to me more like, "just because you don't realize you're being discriminatory doesn't mean you are incapable of being discriminatory".
I think you're both right and I misinterpreted Saeder. My apologies for having done so. I 100% agree with both of your points.
I've said this before but its worth reiterating. The discussions on these many threads the last 2 months have made me significantly more aware of trans issues than I was in the past. I don't think that my underlying position has really changed much (I think I've always been trans friendly) but my knowledge certainly has, my awareness of some dog whistles certainly has. Hopefully that fact is of some value to you.
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People unintentionally do problematic things all the time. A certain word often used to mean "screwed out of something" is part of a racial slur towards Romani people. It's so uncommon to know that - and what happens when I tell people? They apologize, say they didn't know, and stop using the word. People learning things they do are unintentionally harmful helps them stop doing it.
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I think we all have to remember that there is a learning curve, even for folks trying to be good advocates. I was really lucky to have five separate people educate me on trans issues, one of them my own kid.
Have I misgendered people by mistake? Yep. But I quickly learned that the best response to a correction on pronouns was, "Oh, thanks for reminding me." And then proceed to use the correct pronoun.
Apologizing profusely, or worse, claiming that it's too hard to remember, is sort of exhausting, and puts the burden back on the trans person instead of letting everyone sail gracefully past the misstep.
If you make a mistake, and someone tells you it's a mistake, that's okay. Don't assume that they think you are a terrible person. They're taking time to correct you because interactions with you matter. You're worth correcting. I think it's best to treat yourself as if you are playing a new RPG, and the veterans are helping you learn the rules. We all make mistakes. The important thing is to try and learn from them.
That's my take, anyway. KC made a proposal for a universal pronouns field in website support, and I hope Paizo's tech team enacts her proposal. It would be so much easier for us to not misgender if we could all see the pronouns.
Hmm
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You can contribute to the conversation after the people who are actually affected tell you what the issues are. If we let cis people define our experiences on their terms, then they definitionally will not match our experiences. Perhaps you did not actually understand Cori's point, so I'm providing additional context. :)
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People unintentionally do problematic things all the time. A certain word often used to mean "screwed out of something" is part of a racial slur towards Romani people. It's so uncommon to know that - and what happens when I tell people? They apologize, say they didn't know, and stop using the word. People learning things they do are unintentionally harmful helps them stop doing it.
That's very well-put.
If someone chooses to take all criticism personally, that sucks, but that's on them. I wish they would be more open to considering that they may have made a mistake that hurt someone else, but I can't force them to be a better person, nor can I indefinitely coddle them and pretend their bad actions don't sometimes have bad consequences for me or others.
It sucks to find out you messed up, but a big part of being a good person is admitting your mistakes and trying to do better.
