Random Food Table


Homebrew and House Rules

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Weather in the dining hall of an abandoned space station or operating a ripped magic tablecloth, here is a table of random food. Anybody can contribute. It only has to be edible by someone or thing.
1: Earl Gray tea, hot.
2: Glass of peach iced tea.
3: 2 Chicken enchiladas, mild.
4: live rat.
5: Steak tartar with raw broccoli.
6: Extra spicy beef and bean chili.
7: Vegetarian quick stir with brown rice.
8: A hay burger with fries.
More food
9: A large bowl full of curry, a smaller bowl of sour cream, and another small bowl of pineapple chutney. All bowls are full to the brim, good luck mixing them.
10: 2 bowls of chicken soup with rice. On the bowls are Maurice Sendak characters with the lyrics "Happy once, happy twice, happy chicken soup with rice!" in their word balloons. There are saltines on the side. It weakens most diseases to the point of plus 4 to the patient's saves and It also grants a new save vs diseases.
11: A deep dish personal pizza with chunks of pineapple and broccoli floating in the soybean oil rich tomato sauce.
12: Tuna Noodle Casserole
13: Fission Chips. It's fish and chips made from radioactive fish and potatoes. Note that it makes mutants grow back their extra limbs.
14: Mustard, onion, and blue cheese sandwich. It weakens most diseases to the point of plus 4 to the patient's saves and It also grants a new save vs diseases. Yes it stacks with chicken soup.
15: Quesadilla with more cheese on top.
16: 2 Hot dogs with a plastic ketchup bottle.
17: A Texas Hot Dog with the works. That’s a foot long on a extra large bun with beanless chili, mustard, relish, onions, and grated cheese piled on top.
18: 2 all fish patties, lettuce, cheese, onion, tomato, tartar sauce all on a sesame seed bun.
19: Gyro.
20: Pot roast with soft cooked potato, onion, turnip, and carrot.
21: Box of hydro bits. The cereal made almost completely of hydrogen, and a little sugar.


Hydrogen? Wouldn't it float away?

22: Meat pies. Nominally containing pork.
23: Fruitcake.
24: A can of chilled blood labelled "Ambrosia".


Like the hydrogen pellets they use in fusion experiments. It's a sugar molecule coated in hydrogen atoms, then compressed against like molecules.

If you would like them to float upward when the box was opened, then by all means do it. :)


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25 Egg and bacon
26 Egg sausage and bacon
27 Egg and spam
28 Egg bacon and spam
29 Egg bacon sausage and spam
30 Spam bacon sausage and spam
31 Spam egg spam spam bacon and spam
32 Spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam
33 Spam spam spam egg and spam
34 Spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam
35 Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam


Cereal on the ceiling. I know at least three people who'd want to see the hydro bits factory burn down...yeah, let's go with that interpretation.

36. Spaghetti bolognese
37. Jelly snake sweets
38. Whatever it is, it's gone bad and is infested with rot grubs now.


39.Spam, spam, spam, and spam. May cause Viking to start singing.

Collect 100 hydrobits boxtops and send them in for your free gravity boots. Then you can enjoy your cereal while dancing on the ceiling!

What a feeling.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovo6zwv6DX4


40. Pickles. Roll again on the table to determine what kind of pickle.


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41. Melted bowls of icecream. Roll on Goth Guru's 1001-derful Flavors chart to determine flavor. Can be refrozen but... it's just not the same.

42. Jerky. Roll on creature table to determine type.

43. Hamster feed pellets. Available in regular, giant, and miniature giant space hamster varieties.

44. Large, green gelatin mold with bits of fruit inside. Lime-flavored. Jiggles randomly, seemingly on its own, but is harmless.

45. KFC; Kettle-Fried Cockatrice. 10 secret herbs and spices seal in the flavor. 1 herb seals in the sweet, sweet petrification potential.

46. Fudge brownies laced with PCP (Powdered Chronoton Particles). One hour after consumption, if the imbiber is still metabolizing (ie. not dead or petrified), they revert physically to their condition at the time of eating including physical ability damage or drain, poisons, hit points, and hunger.


47.Great big gobs of greasy, grimy, gopher guts. Mutilated monkey meat. Big bloody bloody birdy feet. In a big bowl with no spoon.


47. Chocolate mousse.
48. Chocolate mouse.*
49. Chocolate moose (chocolate bunny-sized)*
50. Chocolate bunny.*
*50% chance to be solid or hollow chocolate.


51. Stir fry, hot and tasty.
52. Stir fry, cold and congealed.
53. Stir fry, terrifying amounts of spices.


54. Chilled veal balls in a dill sauce
55. Pickled pig's knuckles
56. rose hip tea
57. tripe soup
58. ratatouie
59. chili and rice
60. Alpo in a can
61. dehydrated food in a pill; just add water and then re-roll on the table
62. a shot of Snakejuice liquor
63. a full samovar of piping hot coffee
64. fish eye stew, extra kelp
65. curry
66. chromatic dragon charcuterie
67. a loaf of head cheese
68. ambrosia salad
69. 6 pomegranate seeds, arranged in a line, each labeled with a month name through the seasons of late autumn through early spring
70. chilled monkey brains
71. spumoni
72. Protein powder, flaxseed oil, and a variety of fruits next to a source of milk, water and a bullet-shaped device consisting of a cup attachment that fits over a base with mechanical blades
73. caviar, made from the roe of giant gar
74. fermented yak's milk
75. a saucer of cream
76. a canister of buzzing flies and live crickets
77. snake surprise
78. dates
79. soilent green
80. the corpses of the fallen, freshly slain and artistically displayed upon platters with the designs of the ghoul king's court
81. roadkill
82. energon cubes
83. a tube of raw cookie dough
84. barrels of peanuts in the shells beside a long bar with tapped kegs and shelves of various liquors
85. gruel


Mark Hoover 330 wrote:

54. Chilled veal balls in a dill sauce

55. Pickled pig's knuckles
56. rose hip tea
57. tripe soup
58. ratatouie
59. chili and rice
60. Alpo in a can
61. dehydrated food in a pill; just add water and then re-roll on the table
62. a shot of Snakejuice liquor
63. a full samovar of piping hot coffee
64. fish eye stew, extra kelp
65. curry
66. chromatic dragon charcuterie
67. a loaf of head cheese
68. ambrosia salad
69. 6 pomegranate seeds, arranged in a line, each labeled with a month name through the seasons of late autumn through early spring
70. chilled monkey brains
71. spumoni
72. Protein powder, flaxseed oil, and a variety of fruits next to a source of milk, water and a bullet-shaped device consisting of a cup attachment that fits over a base with mechanical blades
73. caviar, made from the roe of giant gar
74. fermented yak's milk
75. a saucer of cream
76. a canister of buzzing flies and live crickets
77. snake surprise
78. dates
79. soilent green
80. the corpses of the fallen, freshly slain and artistically displayed upon platters with the designs of the ghoul king's court
81. roadkill
82. energon cubes
83. a tube of raw cookie dough
84. barrels of peanuts in the shells beside a long bar with tapped kegs and shelves of various liquors
85. gruel

Depending on the space available. 80 might be a head on a platter.

84 might be a bag of peanuts and a tankard of ale.
Nobody spoiler 69. They should have learned their mythology darn it!


Mark Hoover 330 wrote:

54. Chilled veal balls in a dill sauce

55. Pickled pig's knuckles
56. rose hip tea
57. tripe soup
58. ratatouie
59. chili and rice
60. Alpo in a can
61. dehydrated food in a pill; just add water and then re-roll on the table
62. a shot of Snakejuice liquor
63. a full samovar of piping hot coffee
64. fish eye stew, extra kelp
65. curry
66. chromatic dragon charcuterie
67. a loaf of head cheese
68. ambrosia salad
69. 6 pomegranate seeds, arranged in a line, each labeled with a month name through the seasons of late autumn through early spring
70. chilled monkey brains
71. spumoni
72. Protein powder, flaxseed oil, and a variety of fruits next to a source of milk, water and a bullet-shaped device consisting of a cup attachment that fits over a base with mechanical blades
73. caviar, made from the roe of giant gar
74. fermented yak's milk
75. a saucer of cream
76. a canister of buzzing flies and live crickets
77. snake surprise
78. dates
79. soilent green
80. the corpses of the fallen, freshly slain and artistically displayed upon platters with the designs of the ghoul king's court
81. roadkill
82. energon cubes
83. a tube of raw cookie dough
84. barrels of peanuts in the shells beside a long bar with tapped kegs and shelves of various liquors
85. gruel

Surprised no one else number 79 Soilent Green, did not know a Metal Band was on the menu. Perhaps Soylent Green w2as what he was looking for Mr. Heston has been forgotten already...


86. Peanut butter and tuna fish sandwiches
87. Warm sweetbreads, served in the head; roll on subtable for appropriate animal type
88. Egg salad from a gas station; roll on subtable for appropriate worm-based biological improvements
89. 3 bowls of porridge of successively larger sizes; one is permanently cool to the touch, one is perpetually too hot to eat (though deals no damage); one is the appropriate temperature to the taster's liking
90. Elven wine, Dwarven Ale, and a cornucopia of halfling produce
91. a single, multicolored candy labeled Everlasting Gobstopper
92. a dispenser with a lever and spigot which pours out a protein-based gelatinous white paste; some say it has the consistency of runny eggs
93. Lucky Charms and an Endless Bottle of Milk
94. Roast Nebri, with Croids for desert
95. Deviled eggs, with real devils
96. Avacado toast
97. Tater Tot Hot Dish
98. a bucket of blue and white candies with an extremely bitter taste, labeled with the word Tide
99. A dolphin tartar salad, sharkfin soup, whale steaks with a pufferfish oil glaze, and candied coral ice cream for desert
100. Neverending macaroni and cheese that never binds up the consumer and regardless of calorie count will never result in excess fat to the body of the consumer

Also yes, I meant SOYLENT, not SOILENT, thanks for the correction.


.98.Each Tide does 3D6 acid damage to any living creature that tries ti eat one. Trying to convince any living creature to eat one causes an immediate shift to evil. Feed only to washing machines.


Mark Hoover 330 wrote:
Also yes, I meant SOYLENT, not SOILENT, thanks for the correction.

I don't know, If I was playing a Monster as a Character the Metal Band would do just as good.

101. Slime Stew


102. Bowl of shredded wheat. No, not the cute little spoon-size ones that sometime have the frosted sugar on one side. This is like the shredded wheat you had at grandma's house that was like a [gosh-darn] bale of hay you had to crumble up in your fist and pour sugar on from the ceramic bowl she kept at the breakfast table.


103. The OG granola bar. That bland brick of hard tack. And no, you are not allowed to add sugar to it...ya filthy sinner!


104.Cooked, dried, and salted fish of the day in a wooden box.


105. a proper Chicago dog; Vienna beef dog, in a poppyseed or plain bun, served with relish, diced white or yellow onion, mustard, tomato, pickle quarter; sport peppers optional, but recommended; seasoned with celery salt

106. a proper Chicago stuffed pizza; pizza made "upside down" resulting in slices at least 4" thick, each with more cheese than a mortal human adult should consume in a day; acceptable toppings include sassage, peperoni, some conventional pizza-based vegetables; ham and pineapple are forbidden

107. a proper Chicago beef sandwich; thick Italian bun, Vienna beef shredded; Italian spice au jus (served either in the sandwich "dipped" or on the side), peppers (sweet or giardiniera mix are acceptable); cheese optional: baked with mozzarella, melted cheddar or provolone, cheese-equivalent sauce are all acceptable options

You'd never guess where I grew up or why I still have a gut forty six years later... :)


108: I can’t believe it’s not Blood. 4 bags. AB, O. AB negative, and O negative. Looks like blood, tastes like blood, transfuses like blood, and works like blood in a ritual or as a material component.

109: Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets, tater tots, and a small dish of honey mustard dipping sauce piled high on a plate.


110. Honey-glazed locusts.

111. Frozen apple slices and a warm dish of caramel dipping sauce.

112. Actual, good old-fashioned whole blood. Straight from the veins of honest, sweaty, hard-working men and women of the human strain (humans, half-elves, and half-orcs only, none of those plane-touched abominations); farmers, ranchers, and herders only (sometimes criminals, but only if they were also farmers, ranchers, or herders). Contains none of the high amounts of saturated fats you'll find lurking in [that other brand]! Believe it!


113. Blood sausage, 2 fried eggs, boiled, fried potato, stewed carrots and cabbage, and a dollop of mustard

114. Mutton served roasted with a brown ale glaze, "Dwarven" potatoes (twice baked, with a "beard" of melted white cheddar), and a tankard of cider

115. Stewed vegetables and rabbits' ears, served with a loaf of oatmeal bread and a glass of whiskey

116. Giant Ironbloom mushroom caps, fried in Darkmantle blubber, with fermented Slurk slime liquor

117. Boiled Reefclaw pincers in the shell served with melted butter, a bowl of lemons and a trencher of brine-salt cracker bread

118. A single, soft-boiled Owlbear egg served in the shell, standing in a cup (serves up to 4 Medium adults), paired with oatcakes and honey, a cheese board and toast points; an urn of coffee to the side

119. Fresh salad greens garnished with dandelion, roast sunflower seeds and a spicy dill and pepper oil vinaigrette; Assassin Vine roots stewed with cattail tubers, pearl onions, carrots, celery and cabbage served cold in a tomato base; thinly sliced, honeyed wheat bread with a hazelnut butter; served with a crisp glass of effervescent white wine kept magically chilled in it's flute

120. A board of Dire Boar ham loaf, soft oily cheeses and day old rye served with a cup of grog and the insult of the day by a half-orc who doesn't much care if you enjoy the fare


121. A full glass of water.
122. A half-full glass of water.
123. A half-empty glass of water.
124. An empty glass of water.


If 120 comes from a food replicator or somesuch, the plate has a magic mouth on it which provides the insult, over and over, 10 times.

112 has the blurb on it even if it comes out of a food replicator, and is thus a lie.


125. Who-hash.
It's normal hash, but someone's added the word 'Who' in front of it. Unless it's found in its can, there's probably no one around to explain the difference between the two and, since there is no difference, you can probably just call it 'hash' and no one will ever know.

126. A three-decker toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich... with arsenic sauce.

127. Green eggs and ham.
Delicious, but contains green slime spores which cause 1d3 Con damage one hour after being consumed.

Unless...:

... they are consumed in a location pleasing to the gods. Such as:
In a house with a mouse.
In a box with a fox.
In a room with a broom.
In a tower taking a shower.
At a bench with a wench.
On a giant lizard with a wizard.
In a palace from a chalice.
From a pail while at sail.
On a table while unstable.
In a crow's nest during Octoberfest.

In which case the imbiber gains +4 enhancement to Con for 24 hours instead.


Pizza Lord wrote:

125. Who-hash.

It's normal hash, but someone's added the word 'Who' in front of it. Unless it's found in its can, there's probably no one around to explain the difference between the two and, since there is no difference, you can probably just call it 'hash' and no one will ever know.

126. A three-decker toadstool and sauerkraut sandwich... with arsenic sauce.

127. Green eggs and ham.
Delicious, but contains green slime spores which cause 1d3 Con damage one hour after being consumed.
** spoiler omitted **

With the Cat in the Hat, because he knows a lot about that.


128:Space food: A four course dinner in 4 squeezable tubes. Condensed chicken soup, pureed (roast beef, potatoes, and mixed vegetables), Trifle, and peanut butter.

Dark Archive

129. Savor (TM) Protein Packs. These tubes are about the shape of toothpaste tubes and have a spinny ring around the cap-end that clicks into one of four different positions before the tube can be opened and the gooey mass within imbibed. Depending on which of the four positions it was locked into, the mass tastes A) too salty, B) too sweet, C) too spicy, D) Yuk, what the hell was that? In any event, it contains all the nutrients a growing (medium-sized whatever) needs for a day, but does nothing for thirst. It's also gluten-free, lactose-free, sugar-free, low in sodium and (technically) vegan, even if may *taste* meaty.

130. Witchety grubs. Mostly still alive.

131. A pickled punk. Judging by the tattoos, possibly Sid Vicious.


132. Beef stew on a bed of rice.


133. Sufferin' Succotash: the traditional bean-and-corn dish seasoned with enough cayenne, diced peppers and other such spices to make the consumer require a DC 10 Fort save or be sickened for one hour

134. Adventurer's Fricassee, now with 20% MORE adventurer

135. A bucket of ice cold bottles of beer alongside a plate of freshly cut limes

136. Cookie salad

137. Orange Cat Lasagna, served with striped tail baked in

138. Veggypygmie Surprise

139. King's Hawaiian Bread and chilled spinach dip

140. Bachelor Chow


141: Pot Roast. A small iron pot coated with a peanut butter crust.


142: Cottage Cheese, topped with fruit salad, on a bed of lettuce.


143. Frozen Yogurt (fro-gurt).
The fro-gurt is cursed... (Imbiber takes an additional 1 point of damage from heat and fire attacks and feels like they're melting)
but it comes with a free topping!
The topping contains potassium benzoate...

144. Mansion Cheese. Like #142, but topped with ambrosia (which is the same as fruit salad, just fancier sounding) and on a bed of gilt-leafed lettuce.

145. Clodhopper Stew. A thin, watery stew mainly containing onions or leeks, and with old shoe leather in place of meat.


146. Spit roasted constrictor snake, basted with the juice of Maraschino cherries, over a bed of wild greens with coconut water to drink

147. Bacon fried crispy and served with a side of catsup

148. Large bell peppers stuffed with a mixture of ground meat, white rice, finely diced tomato, onion, and garlic, then baked with a generous coating of cheese and served with a savory tomato sauce

149. Lizard-on-a-stick

150. Buffalo cockatrice wings, orc warbull burgers, and boiled basilisk stew


151:Real Country Ham: Salt cured with no Sodium Nitrate.


152. The flesh of the non-believers with a spicy mayo


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153:Is potato, baked with butter.


154. Rye Biscuits and Curd Cheese, Mug of Cider
155. Salted Veal and Dried Cabbage, Tankard of Beer
156. Barley Porridge, Mug of Beer
157. Roasted Artichoke, Mug of Mead
158. Boiled Pork and Pinenut Bread, Tankard of Stout
159. Dried Crayfish and Walnut Bread, Tankard of Cider
160. Braised Boar and Soft Cheese, Glass of Brandy


161:Spaghetti and Meatballs, small bottle of red and bottle of white wine


Goth Guru wrote:
109: Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets,

162. chicken-shaped dinosaur nuggets

163. two hot dogs
164. freshly-steamed snow-crab legs
165. freshly-snowed steam-crab legs


166:Pullet Surprise(Roast chicken that animates and attacks nearest living thing)


167. Gummi-bear Surprise. Handfuls of multi-colored and flavored candies which, unless their heads are specifically bitten off before swallowing, animate within the imbiber's throat and scream in tiny anger as they fight for their lives, stretching their gummi arms and legs out in brave defiance of their fate. Their existence only lasts for a few seconds, but they inflict 1 point of non-lethal damage for each bear swallowed before being fully consumed or gagged back up. Always bite the heads off your gummi-bears first.


168:Corn on the cob drenched in butter and salt.


Goth Guru wrote:
168:Corn on the cob drenched in butter and salt.

For me, I really like corn


169:Mustard lamb with new peas and potatoes, bottle of cold duck, and a champagne glass.


170. Hard tac, boiled in bacon fat and chicken broth, with dandelion greens and a handful of dried raisins added


171: Ox tails, collard greens, and grits on a platter. Accompanied by a tall glass of lemonade.


172: candied eyeballs in a lillybloom broth, served as a soup and garnished with shaved sprite's wings

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