Just an excerpt from our campaing that had us rolling with laughter

Pathfinder First Edition General Discussion

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This is just a part of what happened in our last session that was hillarious and I wanted to share it, perhaps it can make someone else laugh as well :)
I'm not going to give any details about the campaign or the fight in an attempt to avoid spoilers, though perhaps some people might be able to recognize it.

So, in our party there's a paladin (melee/tanky type), a magus (who was absent this session, otherwise relying on magic, obviously the smartest and most knowledgeable character), a warpriest (focused on ranged combat and healing), and a kineticist (me, aether/fire combo). We're currently lvl11. I had my familiar with me, and the paladin had a holy dog with him (the previous night, the situation looked so bad that he prayed to his god for help, and rolled a natural 100 on a d100, so he received a nifty dog friend as a reward, which was already impressive enough :)).

We were trying to sneak into a place heavily guarded by enemies, of course trying to be quiet but it was not really working out that well. After a couple of fights we come to a room guarded by a single enemy (who was sleeping). My kineticist, the sneakiest character in the party with high perception, decides to go in first and check things out. He somehow fails to spot a homemade trap and ends up making enough noise to wake the guard. After a brief exchange of blows where he has taken a fair amount of damage, the guard runs away, with the 3 of us thinking he's almost defeated.

We try to chase him but only my kineticist could make it far enough to see around the corner. However, he sees that the hallway branches off, and thinks that there's no hope of finding/catching him before he raises an alarm. The warpriest turned around to take a look around the room that we came from, and the paladin with his dog went back into the room and looked down another hallway out of the same room (so he was a bit further away).

My character tries to look for tracks of where the guard went, but finds none. He does spot something round and shiny on the floor though. He tries to check it out (not touching it), but without the "walking encyclopedia of all things arcane" (the magus), he had no idea what it was (I rolled a 4 on Knowledge: Arcana).

So he retreats back to stand next to the warpriest and tells both of his buddies what he found. The paladin (with his non-impressive intellect and wisdom) absentmindedly comments: "It must be one of them... pearls of power, that you guys are always talking about". My character (also with non-impressive intellect and wisdom) says: "You know what, it just might be!".

He's not completely dumb though, he knows it might be a trap of some sorts, so he carefully, standing a good 30ft away, grabs the shiny thingy with his telekinetic powers. Nothing happens. He lifts it into the air. Nothing happens. He slowly brings it closer. Nothing happens. He then moves it closer to the warpriest, so that he could look at it and maybe identify it. And that's when the s*** hit the fan :D

A massive explosion went off. It caught everyone except the dog (kineticist, his familiar, and the warpriest were standing in a group, with the paladin like 15ft away, and the dog was just outside of the blast radius). Turns out that the guard dropped a bead from his Necklace of Fireballs on the ground as bait, then hid behind the next corner and waited for the proper moment to toss the entire thing at us.

Turns out there were 8 more beads on the necklace. We were hit by 9 fireballs simultaneously. Sure, they were of varying types, but the DM had to roll A LOT of d6s. The total damage came up to 130 points, but we all made our saves (luckily) and only took half of that. Still, we were pretty banged up.

Then the guard comes charging at the warpriest and knocks him unconscious. My kineticist is standing next to him and succesfully attacks the guard, and so does the familiar. The paladin sees his buddy fall down and decides to charge the guard, first dropping his current weapon and shield, and drawing his falchion during his charge, then hits the guard. The dog charges too but I'm not sure if it hit or not. Anyway, we were all surprised that this "guard" is even still alive, after taking so much damage. It made us suspicious if it really is just a lowly guard, but that's not important right now, I guess we'll find out next time.

Next round, the guard hits the paladin, leaving him at 12 hp. My kineticist was down to 23 hp. The familiar was at 21 hp. The dog I'm not sure, but somewhere in the 20s too. It was our turn and we're thinking, this thing cant have much health remaining, lets just kill it and heal afterwards.

I go first. I roll for my kineticist to attack the guard with Kinetic Blade (made of fire, so that it would hit on anything but a natural 1 (touch attack)), but of course I roll a 1. The kineticist swings the blade so hard, it misses the guard but nearly takes the paladin's head off. He was granted a reflex save to dodge the blade, and he successfully saved.

Next, the familiar. It tries to hit the guard with its ranged attack, but something goes wrong with the magic (because I rolled another 1 on the attack) and it blows up in its face, dealing 17 damage to it, leaving it at 4 hp!

Next, the paladin. He raised his trusty falchion for his first attack, but was apparently too enthusiastic about it (you guessed it, another 1) because it slipped out of his grip and was flung several feet behind him.

The warpriest's player is laughing and says "You guys cant roll, let me show you how its done!" and grabs his d20, rolls it, and absolutely rolls a 1 too :D

Anyway, the paladin still had his 2nd attack left, but sadly he was now all out of weapons. So he did the only sensible thing, and that is slapping the s*** out of the guard (unarmed attack). Quite literally, because in a hillarious twist of fate, he rolled a freaking 20, crit-slapping the guard into unconsciousness!

If someone was observing this from afar, it would look as if the paladin charged at the guard while intentionally flinging all of his weapons away, just so that he could punch him to death :D


Hope you enjoyed the story! :)

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