Infinite crates


Homebrew and House Rules


By pizza Lords command!
A separate table of just crate contents.
If a zero result happens it's an empty crate.
Negative results caused by cursed artifacts or rare defects means it contains 2D4 stasis boxes full of antimatter. These things always have warnings mirror written in common. "!yadsmood llit nepo ton oD" and "!regnaD"

Crate Table
1: 500 self sealing stem bolts.
2: Spool of power cable. Half a mile.
3: Roll for 1 random technological device, there are 3D6 of them in here.
4: 40 blank memory crystals, packed separately.
5: A tangle of wires and cables.
6: Full of spare robot parts.
7: Packs and packs of instant water.
8: Full of MREs. Meals ready to eat.
9: Was full of protean bars. Now it contains an angry rat swarm.
10: Full of emergency medical kits.
11: Full of D cell batteries, now with strange matter.
12: Lots of flashlights without the D cells to power them.
13: Big bags of charcoal and powdered lime to recharge the air purifiers.
14: Advanced glow sticks. They glow brighter and longer than normal, and every color possible. That includes puke green and blood red.
15: Pens, notebooks, ink erasers, normal erasers, rulers, plastic stencils, colored pencils, and several pencil sharpeners. Also one each hole puncher, stapler, box of staples, and a protractor.


16. Crate assembly and disassembly instructions.
17. Styrofoam peanuts protected by bubblewrap. 10% chance that someone (or something) has already popped all the bubblewrap, even if the crate was sealed...
18. A samophlange (3 1/4 inch).
19. Packs of disposable gloves (latex or non-latex).
20. Rolls of toilet paper (single ply).
21. Parts to build two mannequins, on male and one female form (race or species optional).
22. Dice, in all shapes, colors, and denominations (no d100s though). Standard sizes. Can function as marbles to discourage pursuit or as caltrops (non-lethal) if d4s are predominantly used.
23. Asbestos-based cannisters of spray foam insulation.
25. Spider webs with an old cocoon.
26. Personal datapads.
27. Hazmat suit with breathing apparatus.
28. Degreaser.
29. Packs of syringes, gauze, and alcohol swabs.
30. Handheld X-ray device.


31. Disassembled furniture & untranslatable (even with magic) assembly instructions.
32. Long-expired fireworks. 50% chance to do nothing when lit, 25% explode immediately, 25% work as they're supposed to. Craft (alchemy) can tell the difference in advance.
33. Cans of paint. 25% chance they have leaked and are now mostly solid.
34. Containers of solvents. The smell will be eye-watering at least and may be indescribable.
35. Fabric or plastic flowers.


36. Lawnmower blades.
37. Simple two-way communication headsets. Short range.
38. Stacks of styrofoam or plastic disposable cups.
39. Blast vests in bright, neon orange or yellow.
40. A beach-ball sized black sphere with an infinity symbol on one side (or an 8 if you look at it from a different angle). A viewing window reveals answers to yes or no questions if the ball is rolled or spun as they are asked. The interior contains a tasty, but toxic liquid which contains the blood of oracles. The device has a 40% of being right (just coincidentally), but 10% of the time the outlook is hazy, requiring you to ask again later.
41. The luggage that you lost on your last transport. It was shipped here somehow.
42. Packs of clean, serviceable underwear.
43. Welding torches.
44. Rolled up cot mattress.
45. A full drum set.
46. A disassembled crib for an infant.
47. Laser guns. No energy cells, but when powered they imprint and lock to the first user's palm and fingerprint ID, preventing others from using it without advanced reprogramming.
48. Lighting tubes (flourescent or not). Can double as fragile swords or, with imagination, as energy blades, but not really.
49. An advanced polymer riot shield.
50. Personal shaving kits, consisting of a small mirror and shaving foam with a medicinal, though brisk scent. A good-quality razor is included in each kit. (The kind with five separate blades. The first blade sings softly to the whisker, lulling it into a false sense of security. The second blade sneaks up from behind and holds the whisker in place. The third blade preps the whisker for surgery. The fourth blade cuts the whisker. The fifth blade counsels the whisker and gives it a hug.)


51:Emergency supplies. It's just generic paper towels and a rake.
52:A stack of junk mail addressed to occupant, an electronic hitch hiking thumb, 8 towels, and the electronic book/datapad The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.


53: Schrodinger's Crate. When you open it, there is a 50%-50% chance of a live or dead cat inside. No matter what you take out or put in, if you close it and open it, there is a live or dead cat inside.

54: Inside the crate is a slightly smaller crate. This continues, till finally, there is a small block of wood inside of the middle, smallest, crate.


Quote:
9: Was full of protean bars.

- scary thought. How would you make bars out of proteans? Why? And what effect would consuming chaotic outsiders have on rats?

Anyway,
55: Reams of blank paper.
56: Multiple layers of packaging surrounding a single electronic part the size of a finger.
57: Blankets.
58: Half of a coffee making machine.
59: Thin plastic or latex gloves.
60: Cleaning products.


Goth Guru wrote:
53: Schrodinger's Crate. When you open it, there is a 50%-50% chance of a live or dead cat inside. No matter what you take out or put in, if you close it and open it, there is a live or dead cat inside.

10% chance there's a dead 1st-level commoner covered in tiny scratch marks as a warning.

61. An ivory-white wedding gown with flowing satin train and mother-of-pearl inlaid corset and veil. It's sealed in plastic, carefully wrapped, and obviously valuable

62. Two activated stainless steel cobras (treat as iron cobras but possibly mechanical rather than magically animated and immune to rust). The command word to activate and deactivate them, 'fragile', is written on the side of the crate for safety.

63. Four quality radial tires with sweet rims.

64. Duct tape. A whole crate of duct tape.

65. Stacks of sticky-backed placards that read 'Employees must wash hands before returning to work'.

66. An extremely well-made composite bow with ten high-quality arrows suitable for use in professional archery competition.

67. Janitor and custodial uniforms.

68. Cartons of smooth, natural-cut, unfiltered tobacco cigarettes ('Critical Strikes').

69. A collection of moths and butterflies, carefully labeled and displayed in glass cases. A journal and notebook belonging to a well-known lepidopterist details the specimens.

70. Crate of hit-or-miss novelty gag items; bullet hole and hairline fracture stickers for placing on windows or portholes, stickers resembling an air gauge with a needle pointing at 'full' for covering a real space suit or air tank gauge, antigravity fake vomit (when package is opened it generates lighter-than-air bubbles internally that makes it float as though in a weightless environment), replacement soles for magnetic boots that affect polarity when the wearer runs or charges, making them attracted to each other and tripping the wearer.


avr wrote:
Quote:
9: Was full of protean bars.

- scary thought. How would you make bars out of proteans? Why? And what effect would consuming chaotic outsiders have on rats?

Anyway,

I am a lousy speller and have to depend on spell check. Look at the context. If it was made out of chaotic outsider snakes it would make the eater insane.


A joke Goth. Nothing more.


71: Protean Bars. Made by harvesting meat from Cow Proteans(they regenerate, but they do feel pain), every bite carries a DC20 chance of causing temporary insanity. That's an hour of confusion.

72: Peanut Brittle and fun. 500 identical cans labeled peanut brittle.
1-Normal peanut brittle,2-Spring loaded "snakes in a can",3-Empty can, or 4-Real venomous green snake(DC 15, 1-4 con damage till you make the save)


73. Used, disposable syringes, needles, and medical waste with a biohazard warning. This crate was on its way to the incinerator or disposal site.

74. As 73 above, but only the top six inches is needles and sharps. The rest holds illicit narcotics or contraband being smuggled. An insider working at the incinerator or disposal site is meant to intercept and retrieve them prior to the crate's destruction.

75. A wet/dry vacuum, with wheels and various hose attachments. Has a 15 foot power cord.

76. Reenactment-quality swords of various types. Suitable for costuming and stage battles but in actual combat conditions will break or bend on a natural 1 to hit.

77. A sizable and valuable amount of gold and platinum wire on spools.

78. Ten pairs of athletic running shoes in five different sizes: two pairs of each size.

79. An instruction and guidebook for 'How to Host a Murder' party game. There are simple costumes, fake beards and mustaches, and wigs for various characters like the Doctor, Debutante, Professor, Explorer, Butler, etc. as well as a fake corpse.
10% there's a real murder victim's corpse instead, concealed in the crate by the killer.

80. Jars of bee honey (clover) with one jar of royal jelly.


81: Full of Soylent Green bars.
82: Full of helium balloons. When you open the lid they all float to the ceiling.(requires gravity)


83. Portable gravity generator. When bolted to a surface, creates a relative plane of gravity within a 10-foot radius with that surface as 'down'. (Requires helium; one balloon's worth per 10 minutes of use).

84. Ray-Ban® sunglasses, with autonomous targeting computer and mini-darts. Anyone other than the wearer aiming a ray weapon or casting a ray spell triggers an interrupting attack from the stylish shades, causing a distraction penalty to the attack or a concentration check if they hit. The targeting computer has a +10 to attack and doesn't provoke attacks of opportunity. The darts deal 1d4 damage and the sunglasses hold up to five mini-darts. The targeting computer is also programmed not to fire on other wearers of Ray-Ban® sunglasses.

85. A small, gray rubber alien with spindly limbs and a bulbous head. It appears to have been dissected, with oddly-shaped rubber 'innards' stuffed back into it. 'Property of Roswell' is written on a tag on the dummy's toe.

86. A cryogenically frozen head of an elderly human male wearing a black beanie resembling mouse ears. If somehow reanimated, he's xenophobic, but a really imaginative artist and cartoonist (if he somehow gets the ability to draw or sketch).

87. A small hydroponics set-up, suitable for a small garden.

88. Ammonia-based fertilizer, suitable for a small garden or home-made explosive.

89. A mini-fridge that works great when powered, but tends to cycle every 20 minutes or so, vibrating loudly.

90. Packages of still-viable yeast, suitable for baking or brewing beer.


91. Full of Crowbars.
Now you can take 10 to open crates!

Greys will probably find 85 offensive.


92. Bobcat.


93. Crate of ten experimental 'tanglefoot'-style grenades. One has detonated and filled the crate with a solid block of foam rubber-like material. The remaining grenades can be salvaged with patient digging and chipping to find them or an application of universal solvent

94. 2d4 vials of Ooze-a-matic Solvent. When poured onto an ooze, slime, or jelly of Small size or smaller it acts as a disruption effect (as the weapon property, DC 15). Against larger oozes, on a failed save they lose one size category permanently (or until they grow normally), including all ability changes for changing size. Against normal mold it acts as a fungicide in a 5 x 5 foot area.


blahpers wrote:
92. Bobcat.

I recommend leopard statistics. Bestiary page 40. Include open bottle of air and humanoid bones. "I shall name him Bonkers!"


Pizza Lord wrote:

16. Crate assembly and disassembly instructions.

17. Styrofoam peanuts protected by bubblewrap. 10% chance that someone (or something) has already popped all the bubblewrap, even if the crate was sealed...
18. A samophlange (3 1/4 inch).
19. Packs of disposable gloves (latex or non-latex).
20. Rolls of toilet paper (single ply).
21. Parts to build two mannequins, on male and one female form (race or species optional).
22. Dice, in all shapes, colors, and denominations (no d100s though). Standard sizes. Can function as marbles to discourage pursuit or as caltrops (non-lethal) if d4s are predominantly used.
23. Asbestos-based canisters of spray foam insulation.
25. Spider webs with an old cocoon.
26. Personal datapads.
27. Hazmat suit with breathing apparatus.
28. Degreaser.
29. Packs of syringes, gauze, and alcohol swabs.
30. Handheld X-ray device.

Oh, a Samophlange.

https://wow.gamepedia.com/Samophlange

95.Top layer is extremely hot peppers, dried, and wrapped in plastic. The rest is many bundles of wacky weed.


Warehouse 23 is way ahead of you on stuffing weird stuff into boxes...


Tim Emrick wrote:
Warehouse 23 is way ahead of you on stuffing weird stuff into boxes...

Oh man, I miss that show. (Edit: Wait, that was Warehouse 13. Pretty similar though.)


Guess I should add something instead of just side-commenting. : )

Goth Guru wrote:
54: Inside the crate is a slightly smaller crate. This continues, till finally, there is a small block of wood inside of the middle, smallest, crate.

96. Inside the crate is a slightly larger crate. This continues indefinitely.


97. Inside of the crate are 420 water purification control computer system chips and one counterfeit platinum piece.


Coidzor wrote:
97. Inside of the crate are 420 water purification control computer system chips and one counterfeit platinum piece.

What? No GECKos?


98. In the bottom of the crate is an attached Well of Many Worlds. The monsters have been dumping garbage in here for years, so the consequences of opening this vary with the plane it currently opens to. I'm starting a random plane topic so look for it.


99. Disassembled leather-padded pilot/captain's chair with surround sound speakers and cup holder.

100. Experimental rocket fuel cannisters. Effectively burns 5 times as long and does 3 times the damage of equivalent alchemist's fire if burned. Improves speed and thrust when burned by an appropriately fast-burning engine (other engines or devices tend to explode).


101.A big gun that shoots dice of any size. It energises the dice with symbolic resonance so the dice does the damage equal to an amount rolled on identical dice. If the maximum is rolled, the dice explodes doing another die of damage. If another max is rolled it does another of those dice damage, and so on. It can be mounted to the included tripod or a ships gun mount. Big, metal dice do structural damage. Note that it's powered by a power cable that attaches to a power supply, generator, or a spaceships power system.

102.A set of big, metal, dice. A D4, D6, D8, D10, D12, D20, and a D100.
Choking Hazard.

https://darkelfdice.com/products/giant-d20-metal-antique-silver-35mm-rpg-ro le-playing-game-die


103.Books.300 books tightly packed. From here. The target thread contains 626 items and counting, so use D100, adding 100 the next few times, till you exceed the list and start over. Some books are unique and must be rerolled if they reoccur.

https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2pq11?100-Books-Found-in-the-Strange-Library#1


104. Pennants, flags, or banners from a family, house, government, or kingdom that no longer exists or is no longer in power.
105. Cases of locally-brewed beer. Depending on the beer's bottling, the crate, and its storage location, the beer may be good, warm, flat, or skunked and ruined.
106. The outfit of a little-known (but well-liked) vigilante, hero, or crimefighter who vanished long ago. Some tools of the trade are included as well as an experimental new gadget, device, or fighting move/maneuver with incomplete set of notes on its use.


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107. The crate is packed tightly with what at first appear to be imprinted copper ingots but are, in fact, incredibly dense food rations, one of which could feed an entire family for a month. (Longer, if they don’t like their kids too well.)


108. One gross of squeaky chickens.

109. One fully-assembled ark of the covenant, presumably an old 2D entertainment film prop. (Prop contains several gallons of sand; Hebrew instructions not included.)

110. Old sweaters. (Roll a d20 a dozen times to see how many if any fit you.)

111. Fifty cases of diet pills (one package opened with one bottle missing).

112. This huge-sized crate contains a core gravity drive.


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113. Returned 'recyclable' material. Not even goblins will touch it.

114. Sets of tools (screwdrivers, wrenches etc.) which fit no sizes/shapes of screws, nuts etc. known in your universe. Acceptable improvised weapons though.

115. Lighting fixtures.

116. Bags of powder labelled 'Dehydrated Troll'. Most have no use other than garden fertiliser, but one will turn into a troll given sufficient water and time.


While most crates are just 4 foot wide wooden cubes, they can be enlarged to fit odd contents. A Bobcat might require a 5 by 5 by 5 crate.

117.Full of jars of artisanal dill pickles, with rags as packing materials.

118.A short robot with tank treads, 2 robot arms, a head with a full sensory array, and some storage space in it's chest cavity. In it's head are 6 chip slots with one occupied by "Standard Assistance" which allows it to obey instructions given in common. It has 5 in one skill at a time, unless more specific chips are added.


119: Crate of crates. When this crate is opened there is a small crate inside. The inner crate cannot be opened until it is taken out. When it is taken out, it grows to full size and a new, small, random crate appears within.

120. Truly empty.
121: Full of coal.
122: ordinary rocks.
123: Cute, grey, ET figurines in cardboard boxes laced with heroine.
124: Dragon fossils individually wrapped in plaster.
125: Crate full of Twinkies. Peanut butter and pickle flavored. Goblins love them.


126. Ordinary rocks which someone has taken the time to paint an action comic strip upon. There are over 500 individual rocks, each with a panel of the story, akin to about a 100 page comic. There is no speech or dialogue, though each rock is incredibly expressive and, thankfully, numbered on one side.

If the entire collection is laid out visually and perused, it depicts the story of a gender-neutral space explorer piloting a ship to a planet and encountering environmental hazards, lost caverns and ruins, fighting off strange creatures and rescuing or romancing alien beauties of indeterminate species and gender, all while passing out toothpaste, toothbrushes, floss, and other dental hygienic products (the brand name, 'Sparkly Smile' is the only word ever visible in the entire story, probably a sponsor). Typically, the hero's success hinges on their use of the product or their perfect teeth, such as jamming a toothbrush into a gear to stop an ancient trap at a crucial moment, chewing through their bonds, or dazzling an alien princess with a smile.

If the entire collection is read (with no more than 4 stones missing or out of place), the reader is filled with a strong sense of courage at the incredible storytelling depicted and gains a +2 bonus to their next check to resist fear. A creature only benefits from this bonus once, unless they somehow lose all memory or recollection of having read the story and re-read it again later.

127. A case of 'Sparkly Smile' brand toothpaste, toothbrushes, dental floss and other oral care products. Suitable for dental hygiene and care.

Anyone having read the comic/advertisement from crate 126 above knows the proper use and application of the product for maximum effect. They receive a +1 equipment bonus to Bluff, Diplomacy, or Intimidate checks for 1 hour, as long as their clean teeth can be seen or are clearly displayed or visible.

128. A dozen 'Weenie Babies' toys (with tag). This was a failed line of collectible, plush toys that were stuffed with tiny, cocktail hotdogs instead of tiny plastic beans. Surprisingly, the doll keeps the hotdogs contents fresh and preserved, even after all this time. The line was rejected after testing revealed that children weren't always keen on 'gutting' or cutting open the dolls to get at the delicious contents and that accidental puncturing could spoil the contents. The outer casing of the toys rapidly deteriorates once pierced or opened.

Notable rare Weenie Babies found inside include Vienna the Pig, Brat the Dachshund (pronounced 'Brah't'), and Nathan the Wallaby, alongside the more common ones.


24:The printed out list of lists. Each item is itself a numbered list. There are even some lists, inside of lists, inside of a list, in the big list. You can see why pizza lord tried to skip over this crate.

129:Simple machines. A lever, fulcrum, 2 axles, 4 wheels, a wedge, and 2 pulleys. They are all in a mammoth fur bag of holding.

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