DungeonmasterCal's House of Respite


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I concur.


Last day in my classroom for the foreseeable future. County's issued a stricter stay-at-home effective at midnight, so trying to get materials to kids for curbside pickup today.

It feels weird.


How strict are we talking?


Strict enough that our super emailed out "effective tomorrow, teachers are not allowed in the building." I guess it's the first stay-at-home order that's gone out. I don't live or work in that county, but since half our district is in its boundaries, we're treating the entire district as though it's under effect.


Sharoth wrote:

Dresden Files: PEACE TALKS Official Book Trailer

OMFG!!! THAT WAS AWESOME!!! I can't wait for the book.

O. M. G. That was AWESOME!

Forget the next book!
Whomever is in charge of THIS gem should just go back and turn ALL of the books into Movies!
NOW!

<Aged wizzie starts bounding up and down on his couch in anticipation of this book. WHich comes out in JULY.>

I. Can't. WAIT!
:)


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Arg, JULY?

I wish authors would be more considerate and spew out their volumes at a pace that keeps up with my reading. Those bastards.


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[shameless plug]Amazon just discounted my paperback by 37%. Also, it's available for order from any local bookstore (a lot of indie stores are really hurting, but will do online orders with curbside pick-up or delivery. They'll be able to get it by April 1, I believe.[/shameless plug]

Ok, that's the last shameless plug.

Back to terrible puns, grognard stories, and Monkey Santa shenanigans from now on...


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Shameless plugs FTW!
:)


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And in OTHER news, between stories of companies both good and not-so-much, I give you,... the (accident & Injury) lawyers.

In Lousy-Anna, it is very common to see TV adds and billboards everywhere. In fact we (reportedly) have a lot of peeps leaving the state to escape the (allegedly, but I believe it to be true) rampant lawsuit abuse.

What are they doing in this time of crises? Helping out to prove that the old adage about lawyers isn't true? Providing uplifting messages in place of their usual TV adds?

Nope. In fact as best I can tell, they have drastically INCREASED the number of TV adds.

Why?

Because with more people staying at home, there are being fewer accidents. So less people calling their offices for their services.

The lawyers are going crazy!

Stay at home people! Not only are you helping prevent the spread of Covid-19, but you are helping to drive the accident lawyers out of business!

It's a Win-Win!!! :)

This has been an Aged Wizard Public Service announcement,
We now return you to your regularly scheduled rambling.
:)


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You know, experts say most accidents happen at home... Have you had an accident at home?

*hysterically over-acted clip of person falling in kitchen*

Is someone else to blame?

*grainy black-and-white picture of toddler at falling person's feet; sinister music plays*

Let us fight for you!

*dollar signs appear next to befuddled toddler*

We don't get paid unless you get paid!

*almost incomprehensibly fast narration*

Of course we f%*#ing get paid. What kind of idiots do you think we are? Like we wouldn't get paid. Hey! Eddie! This moron thinks we only get paid if they get paid! Right?


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"Works on contingency.?

No, money down.!"


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Dammit.

My county just issued a Stay-At-Home order. No gaming.

Why must I be lawful neutral? When did this happen? I used to be cool!

NARRATOR: Quibblemuch was never cool. And I learned that sometimes shows about childhood nostalgia might really be a desperate effort to avoid the present. Also, my first girlfriend would grow up to be a smart mathematician, while I'd end up duct-taped to a bed by cosplay Ryan Reynolds.

*Turn, Turn, Turn starts playing*


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Virtual tabletop sites!


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quibblemuch wrote:

Dammit.

My county just issued a Stay-At-Home order. No gaming.

Why must I be lawful neutral? When did this happen? I used to be cool!

NARRATOR: Quibblemuch was never cool. And I learned that sometimes shows about childhood nostalgia might really be a desperate effort to avoid the present. Also, my first girlfriend would grow up to be a smart mathematician, while I'd end up duct-taped to a bed by cosplay Ryan Reynolds.

*Turn, Turn, Turn starts playing*

I'm not sure to applaud that or curse your name for 7 generations to come. I pulled the muscles of my back on both sides of the spine yesterday and breathing is hard. Laughing is right out. And then I read that. Damn you and your clever wordplay!


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Well, then you're definitely not going to want to see this historic Monkey Santa Throwback Thursday.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
quibblemuch wrote:

Dammit.

My county just issued a Stay-At-Home order. No gaming.

Why must I be lawful neutral? When did this happen? I used to be cool!

NARRATOR: Quibblemuch was never cool. And I learned that sometimes shows about childhood nostalgia might really be a desperate effort to avoid the present. Also, my first girlfriend would grow up to be a smart mathematician, while I'd end up duct-taped to a bed by cosplay Ryan Reynolds.

*Turn, Turn, Turn starts playing*

I'm not sure to applaud that or curse your name for 7 generations to come. I pulled the muscles of my back on both sides of the spine yesterday and breathing is hard. Laughing is right out. And then I read that. Damn you and your clever wordplay!

Clever Quibble. Too clever for his own good,...

<Black, unmarked SUV's pull up outside Quibble's home,...>


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quibblemuch wrote:
Well, then you're definitely not going to want to see this historic Monkey Santa Throwback Thursday.

Wouldn't that be, "Baboonrishnikov"?


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Ragadolf wrote:
quibblemuch wrote:
Well, then you're definitely not going to want to see this historic Monkey Santa Throwback Thursday.
Wouldn't that be, "Baboonrishnikov"?

Ordinarily, you'd be correct. But one of my SchwaBeams® ricocheted unexpectedly off the cursed Trenchant Tangerine of Thanatotic Tinnitus and accidentally silenced that poor, innocent "N". {hangs head in shame}


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quibblemuch wrote:
Well, then you're definitely not going to want to see this historic Monkey Santa Throwback Thursday.

STAHP. My painkillers aren't strong enough.


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Got some awesome pictures of a red-tailed hawk from my front porch this afternoon.


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That's Awesome!

An even BETTER pic?

The red-tailed hawk, carrying off Monkey Santa,...

(OR being RIDDEN by Monkey Santa. Either way.) :)


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(≖_≖ )

*updates Pounce List*


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Apes fighting apes, how delightful. I need some of that "popped corn" as they call it.


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There has been a sharp-shinned hawk (it's a real thing) living in my neighborhood for several years now. I've seen it less than 10 feet away sitting on a fence eating a lizard once.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I saw a hawk murder a crow.


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Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Maps, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
captain yesterday wrote:
I saw a hawk murder a crow.

I saw a murder of crows attack a hawk.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

We have a robust hawk population around us, one has a nest in the tree behind the house.


We had some pigeons that began to roost in one of our barns when I was growing up. One was a beautiful white fantail that must have escaped from a collector or breeder. I saw it heading back to the barn one morning just as a red-tailed hawk hit it from above. Feathers literally seemed to explode off the pigeon to drift down like snow. The hawk never landed with its prey but kept on flying.


I saw a hawk dive in my neighborhood, at the porch of the house across the street. It was either going after a cat or a squirrel. The dive was beautiful and swift, and then it backpedaled in mid-air RIGHT as it got to the porch, I think it's intended prey went 'ZIP' and skedaddled. ;P

Once, a few years ago, we were doing one of the long drive things, and I saw a FLOCK (not a 'flock', a FLOCK, as in a LOT) of some small birds, chasing a large hawk around the sky. The hawk was running for its life! It ended up diving into the trees and we lost sight of it as we drove on.
Still one of the most amazing/funny things I have seen to this day.


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Monkey Santa wrote:

(≖_≖ )

*updates Pounce List*

>_>

<_<

O_o

<Swiftly researches 'Protection Vs Monkey' Spell. GREATER version.>


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Hawks? Yeah. Quite a few. Also have an eagle in the backyard. And deer. And turkeys. Foxes. Raccoons. The neighbor's cat, which is not his cat, but does live in the house he bought...


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NEIGHBOR: Yesterday, during homeschooling, I got out the tape measure and taught the kids what six feet looks like.

ME: Gah. That seems a little grim.

NEIGHBOR: ...

ME: Ohhhhh. Right. You meant horizontal distance.

NEIGHBOR: *appears relieved to have a six foot head start on me*


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>_>

<_<

O_o

<Adds 'Protection vs Quibbles' to the list,... JUST in case,...>

;P


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NO ONE EXPECTS THE QUIBBLE INQUISITION!


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Hey, I saw that episode on Star Trek.

"The Trouble with Quibbles",... yeah that was it,... ;)


3 people marked this as a favorite.

Monster: Necrotyugh

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Nuuuuu, why would you do that to the noble Otyugh?


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Just gonna leave this here in case any of you are CBS executives...


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<slinks quietly out of yard...>


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Rysky wrote:
Nuuuuu, why would you do that to the noble Otyugh?

<.<

>.>

*scribble-scribble-note-scribble*


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Give it some electrical affinity, and you've got yourself a Pikotyugh.


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<Is not sure whether to throw PokeBall or not...>


Xenthya, Nuzlocke Trainer wrote:
<Is not sure whether to throw PokeBall or not...>

NOT.

Definitely NOT.
O_o


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Monkey Santa wrote:
Just gonna leave this here in case any of you are CBS executives...

I'm not a CBS executive, but I play one on TV. And if this were presented to me I'd have to say, "Kid, I'm gonna make you a star!".


5 people marked this as a favorite.
DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Monkey Santa wrote:
Just gonna leave this here in case any of you are CBS executives...
I'm not a CBS executive, but I play one on TV. And if this were presented to me I'd have to say, "Kid, I'm gonna make you a star!".

*cut to six months later*

Monkey Santa lies on the floor of a splendid Hollywood mansion. He is surrounded by crushed Red Bull cans and bottles of EXTRAORDINARILY expensive banana brandy

MONKEY SANTA: Groaaaannn... I can't believe I squandered all my fame and money.

DAVID CARUSO: Who the hell are you and how did you get into my splendid Hollywood mansion?!

MONKEY SANTA: You're the cop. You tell me. *hrrrghhh*

DAVID CARUSO: Great. I've got monkey chunks on my shoes. Those were real Adidias! None of that knock-off s+%! non-famous-TV-actors have to wear.

MONKEY SANTA: I'm still big. It's the pictures that got small...

Fade to black


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LOL!!


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BWAhahahahahahahahahahahahahaha,... (etc ad nausuem)
:)


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Ahhhh. Social distance... This is the good life. Just relax... and let my mind drift. Yeah... I'll just lie back and think pleasant thoughts. Porg pot pie... Chocolate-covered jawas... Eh... glazed womp rat! Ohhh!

They think I'm crazy, but I know better. It is not I who am crazy. It is I who am MAD! Didn't you hear them? Can't you see the crowds?

Oh, my beloved ice cream bar... how I love to lick your creamy center! And your oh-so-nutty chocolate covering! You're not like the others. You like the same things I do. Light sabers...boiled sarlacc leather...WOOKIEE BREATH!

We're not hitchhiking anymore! We're RIDING! IN AN IMPERIAL CRUISER!

I stabbed my daddy. But he wanted my ice cream bar. WHY WOULDN'T HE LEAVE ME ALONE?!


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He's finally gone too far.


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Mammon's monkeyshines.

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