I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
I fry it in a pan on the stove, put on some safety glasses and watch it like a hawk, fiddling with it, or flipping it as I feel is necessary.
I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
even when you shove it in the oven?
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I once made a joke about "terrible ideas like making bacon without pants." One of the people I was talking to very seriously informed me that her adult son had that exact thing and gotten 3rd degree burns on his thighs and that it was no laughing matter.
*face palm*
The slightly embarrassing fact about me in this anecdote is that I sometimes make jokes that turn out to be real and not funny. Sometimes? Maybe often even...
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even when you shove it in the oven?I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
Yes. Twice.
Yes. Twice.even when you shove it in the oven?I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
but... that's impossible!
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Yes. Twice.even when you shove it in the oven?I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
Aiymi says:
For crunchy bacon (eewww - meat should not crunch)
If you want to do oven, lay down parchment paper on a cookie sheet. Put a metal cooling rack on the parchment paper. Lay the bacon across the cooling racks.
For good bacon, skip the cooling rack. Go directly on the parchment paper.
Either way - 400 degrees (preheated), 12-18 minutes, depending on taste and bacon thickness.
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(eewww - meat should not crunch)
There are some wise men and women from the ancient world who believed that bacon transcends meat.
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I have had this argument... with myself... in my own head... more than once.
*sees something related to four year old daughter's love of unicorns*
"That's not a unicorn! It has wings!"
Yes, in every way, this.
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Yes. Twice.even when you shove it in the oven?I have never successfully cooked bacon.
I can make homemade marshmallows but I can't make bacon.
I have tried every "foolproof" method there is. It always gets ruined.
Well, I'm Southern, so my secret to cooking bacon perfectly is... to "deep fry" it in bacon fat. Seriously. My parents have a second electric skillet which is only used to cook Sunday morning's breakfast bacon. So, it usually has a half-inch to inch of rendered bacon fat in it, which is a perfect medium for frying more bacon. Every couple weeks, the top mostly clear layer gets poured off into a big bowl, then the bottom layer gets disposed of (in an old sealed jar into the trash), the skillet completely cleaned, and good bacon fat gets poured back in to repeat they cycle. As long as you keep an eye on it, it comes out perfectly done: 4 minutes each side at 350° F.
This also means there is ample bacon fat on hand for cooking eggs or seasoning vegetables.
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Well, I'm Southern, so my secret to cooking bacon perfectly is... to "deep fry" it in bacon fat.
...This also means there is ample bacon fat on hand for cooking eggs or seasoning vegetables.
This also also means you probably need to start roto-rooting your arteries.
My own family has three or four ways to cook bacon to satisfaction (which is funny, since we don't actually eat it all that often- it's something we cook when we're feeling lazy, most of the time).
Low flame under the skillet, take your time (this is my personal go-to).
Put it on a cast-iron object, insert into oven (My mom likes this one).
There are microwave approaches that work (none of us prefer this, but all of us can use it).
Cut into smaller segments, cook in skillet over medium heat (My sister's go-to).
Bacon in the oven btw, It always comes out perfect.
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I once made a joke about "terrible ideas like making bacon without pants." One of the people I was talking to very seriously informed me that her adult son had that exact thing and gotten 3rd degree burns on his thighs and that it was no laughing matter.
*face palm*
The slightly embarrassing fact about me in this anecdote is that I sometimes make jokes that turn out to be real and not funny. Sometimes? Maybe often even...
He got third degree burns? Jeez he was doing something wrong that's for sure. number one being not wearing pants.
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I didn't get my drivers license until I was 23.
27 here. (I'm currently 33.) Not really an embarrassment, though. I had no need nor desire previously.
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I applaud your bacon wisdom Ambrosia...I may be a Yankie, but I know when to bow to superior bacon knowledge :)
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I didn't get my drivers license until I was 23.27 here. (I'm currently 33.) Not really an embarrassment, though. I had no need nor desire previously.
I'm 16 but hated my lessons and driving is just incredibly stressful for me.
But I live in Seattle and my school pays for my bus fare so I manage pretty well.
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I consistently bribe my dog with treats in the morning so he didn't panic about me leaving.
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I've been stumped for the last decade or so seeing what I assumed was a special kind of shrimp that kept being advertised on restaurant signs. I used to think it was a Latin name for a specific species of shrimp, but then I saw it advertised a few years ago describing a restaurant's chicken wings, so I started assuming it was specific (likely Southern) cooking style or seasoning. You know, like chicken fried-steak or something. When I remember to google it when I get home, I can't find it.
Today, I finally stopped at one such restaurant. My excuse was I was popping in to grab a club sandwich and ice tea to go, but really I had to ask about their shrimp special advertised on the sign. And that, Internet people, is how today I gave the waitress/counter lady a new anecdote to tell about the wide-eyed idiot who cluelessly asked "What kind of seasoning/prep method goes in to making 'AUCEAT' shrimp?"
I've been stumped for the last decade or so seeing what I assumed was a special kind of shrimp that kept being advertised on restaurant signs. I used to think it was a Latin name for a specific species of shrimp, but then I saw it advertised a few years ago describing a restaurant's chicken wings, so I started assuming it was specific (likely Southern) cooking style or seasoning. You know, like chicken fried-steak or something. When I remember to google it when I get home, I can't find it.
Today, I finally stopped at one such restaurant. My excuse was I was popping in to grab a club sandwich and ice tea to go, but really I had to ask about their shrimp special advertised on the sign. And that, Internet people, is how today I gave the waitress/counter lady a new anecdote to tell about the wide-eyed idiot who cluelessly asked "What kind of seasoning/prep method goes in to making 'AUCEAT' shrimp?"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm a west coaster (U.S.), and I have never seen such a sign. So I would have been stumped, too.
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I loved AUCEAT shrimp as a kid, with a metabolism like a hybrid hummingbird-jackrabbit I could put away a shocking amount of food at all you can eat buffets.
Today, I finally stopped at one such restaurant. My excuse was I was popping in to grab a club sandwich and ice tea to go, but really I had to ask about their shrimp special advertised on the sign. And that, Internet people, is how today I gave the waitress/counter lady a new anecdote to tell about the wide-eyed idiot who cluelessly asked "What kind of seasoning/prep method goes in to making 'AUCEAT' shrimp?"If it makes you feel any better, I'm a west coaster (U.S.), and I have never seen such a sign. So I would have been stumped, too.
I've seen it made into an acronym before, but I've never seen that particular acronym. I imagine that the lady has heard it before.
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When I was a teen in driver's ed, my nickname was "Rico Swerve," and the other guys in the car would sing a modified version of "Rico Suave" until the instructor made them stop.
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That. Is. Awesome.
My driver's ed instructor just gave me a pass when it came to backing up through the traffic cones. I have a real problem with trying to visualize directions and spatial orientation so using a mirror was just terrible. Also, I could not back a trailer using a tractor or truck for the same reasons. That drove my dad crazy.
My driver's ed instructor just gave me a pass when it came to backing up through the traffic cones.
...
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That seems like the opposite of what your instructor should have done.
My driver's ed instructor just gave me a pass when it came to backing up through the traffic cones....
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That seems like the opposite of what your instructor should have done.
I had a Geometry teacher do the same thing. I was a pretty popular kid without being a jerk and found out I could get away with most anything by just being nice.
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Yeah, but when you mess up a hypotenuse, it doesn't dent my car!
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He once asked on a test how to find the hypotenuse and I answered: "Look for tracks around the waterhole". I knew he was grading my test when he burst out laughing. I nearly failed the test but he gave me five points for that answer.
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I am TERRIFIED of cows.
Growing up on a farm I had a healthy respect for them but was never scared. Except maybe this huge Angus bull we had. I had to constantly get my bluff in on him first (with the aid of a stock dog) every time I was near him.
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He once asked on a test how to find the hypotenuse and I answered: "Look for tracks around the waterhole". I knew he was grading my test when he burst out laughing. I nearly failed the test but he gave me five points for that answer.
I spent an entire semester coming up with test questions around my various plots to conquer the world (long story based on my real name, so won't go into it).
One student (who was already at a whopping 15% in my class) wrote on one test, "I refuse to help you in your nefarious plots, and therefore in good conscience I cannot answer this question."
I felt it was well worth half credit.
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I walk at 4.0km/h or like 2.4 miles per hour usually. Yes, I don't walk particularly fast. It got embarrassing when I was tail walker on the park run and found a little kid who was about eight with his dad moving faster then I did... Oops!
Also I back slided and ended up with a rather crap timing of 31 min 20 secs for this weeks 5km Park run. I should be able to get it under 31 min really...
I am TERRIFIED of cows.
that is a random thing to be afraid of...
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I am TERRIFIED of cows.that is a random thing to be afraid of...
Every year, cows kill more people worldwide than sharks, crocodiles, jellyfish, snakes, and spiders.
{whispers:} Also, Skrull-cows.
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I walk at 4.0km/h or like 2.4 miles per hour usually. Yes, I don't walk particularly fast. It got embarrassing when I was tail walker on the park run and found a little kid who was about eight with his dad moving faster then I did... Oops!
My roommate *loves* to go mountain biking and take day trips to various hiking trails, but tends to get out of shape during the winter, so the first few trips a bit rough. One spring, he's lugging his mountain bike up a mountain, after tumbling down said mountain on the last run an hour before, when a little girl and her father pass his wheezing battered red-faced form and she turns back and says, 'You can do it, mister! You're almost there!'
He never felt so out of shape in his life. :)
I am TERRIFIED of cows.that is a random thing to be afraid of...
Being scared of minotaur centaurs (minocentaurs?) is pretty rational, I reckon.
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I am TERRIFIED of cows.
There's nothing to be afraid of dearie! Just climb into this pot and you'll be safe!
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My coworkers like to ask me how I stay in shape in the winter so I hand them a stack of Pathfinder books, they stop asking after that.
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I walk at 4.0km/h or like 2.4 miles per hour usually. Yes, I don't walk particularly fast. It got embarrassing when I was tail walker on the park run and found a little kid who was about eight with his dad moving faster then I did... Oops!My roommate *loves* to go mountain biking and take day trips to various hiking trails, but tends to get out of shape during the winter, so the first few trips a bit rough. One spring, he's lugging his mountain bike up a mountain, after tumbling down said mountain on the last run an hour before, when a little girl and her father pass his wheezing battered red-faced form and she turns back and says, 'You can do it, mister! You're almost there!'
He never felt so out of shape in his life. :)
Lugging a mountain bike up a mountain isn't easy so he shouldn't feel bad about it. My ability to carry weights while going around is very limited. Meh. I don't mind people over taking me, especially today when I did my first 10 km run, because I know I'm going for the long haul, most park gogers are only doing 2.5 km or so. Its easy to go fast on 2.5 km. Not so easy when doing quadruple that. I know that for most, I would catch them down the line, it's just a matter of time.
Sure, I may not be going fast, but I can sustain that speed longer then most people would imagine.
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Yeah, I've been playing Fortnite.
Considering the only people I know of that play it are seven year olds, I'd say it's a bit embarrassing.
That sounds risky...
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And here in the the gud ol' USA they're turning the pork industry back 100 years by allowing them to do their own inspections rather than the FDA.
I like eating my bacon raw.
that is nutty...
I like eating my bacon raw.that is nutty...
Mmmm, porky
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And here in the the gud ol' USA they're turning the pork industry back 100 years by allowing them to do their own inspections rather than the FDA.
Wow yeah. Its not like the parasite isnt around anymore, but screening of local pork is so strickt that if a pig is infected, it always gets caught.
(I used to work with the guys who did those screenings in the lab)