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So I just started a game.
My hubby is running in it, so are a few friends.
We have to put our beloved cat down today, I am going to continue running a game because being busy will be the best for my mind during this time.
Does anyone have any other advice? I've GMed through grief before, but not such a sudden and unexpected loss.
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Do what feels best for you. Everyone grieves, but everyone grieves differently. Take the time and space you need and be communicative to your group of your needs.
I'm a RL lvl1 art therapist/counselor, and while I believe that roleplay and gaming can be excellent therapeutic tools, you gotta make sure your gaming group is a safe place, be aware that emotions can run high and that inner personal content may show up at the table.
I also don't wish to tell you the right way for you to grieve, but I'm a cat person and a gamer and I can relate. Two things that come to mind that I feel may work for me would be: dedicating a session or even a campaign to your friend (I think an invocation is the best way to kick off a story, and you can include a dedication there), or create a feline AC or familiar to play in honor of your friend. Again, that may not feel right for you.
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Do what feels best for you. Everyone grieves, but everyone grieves differently. Take the time and space you need and be communicative to your group of your needs.
I'm a RL lvl1 art therapist/counselor, and while I believe that roleplay and gaming can be excellent therapeutic tools, you gotta make sure your gaming group is a safe place, be aware that emotions can run high and that inner personal content may show up at the table.
I also don't wish to tell you the right way for you to grieve, but I'm a cat person and a gamer and I can relate. Two things that come to mind that I feel may work for me would be: dedicating a session or even a campaign to your friend (I think an invocation is the best way to kick off a story, and you can include a dedication there), or create a feline AC or familiar to play in honor of your friend. Again, that may not feel right for you.
my Hubby's AC was already modeled after our little angel, but he's changing that because it will be too hard for him.
Two points:
1) Grieving isn't 'one and done'. It's likely that these feelings will resurface from time to time.
2) There are no "right" rules for grieving
People may try to tell you how you "should" or "shouldn't" feel.
People may try to tell you how you "should" or "shouldn't" act.
Have some canned responses ready for them.
"Thanks for your concern"
"Thanks for letting me know how you feel"
"Thanks for letting me know how you would act"
"I appreciate your concern"
I don't know about GMing, but I have watch so many lose their lives, I channel that grief into hatred toward Gods in my character. Maybe you can do that with your villain? Just a good person who cared and lost so much, slashing back at the world?
As a career GM who has had enough personal grief I can only echo what others have already said. For me and my past pains being busy with friends in a safe distracting space is good. Nothing has ever removed or 'cured' my pain, but adding more pleasure and friendship helps me to balance it out, a reminder that the sun still rises. And don't be afraid to pause or stop the game early if you find you need to, anyone who has a problem with that is someone you don't need around you amyway.
Again echoing others, this is based on my experiences and how I am wired, you need to do what's best for you.
Only you can decide how best to grieve for you.
I know that when my mother died, I threw myself into miniature painting and watching the old "V" series on VHS.
Being around friends, in a comfortable environment, with something to keep your mind active may well be the best thing for you.
You also have my deepest sympathies.
As someone who has dealt with loss and struggled with depression on and off for years, my advice is to go for it. Getting yourself back into the things you love doing with friends is one of the best ways to move on and heal. I would also suggest putting the next session off for a while first, though. Just be sure not to let that turn into a pattern of delay
I'm sorry about the loss of your cat. :-( Losing a pet is awful, especially if you weren't expecting it.
Be gentle with yourself. If you think running game would help you, go for it. Having something to distract yourself can definitely be good in times like that. But don't be afraid to take breaks if you need to, even if it's mid-session. I'm sure your players will understand if you have to call it an early night on some occasions.
When my dog died a few years ago--very unexpectedly as well--I know that being around friends and loved ones helped. Just do what feels right for you. That's probably going to change from day-to-day and over time.
The only thing I could add is be cognizant of the other people who will be there. You say 'a few friends' and if they are good friends it probably isn't an issue. If they are just gaming associates though, not close friends it could be a little inappropriate to try and run a game for them when you are emotionally distraught.
As an extreme example, if I attended a PFS game with people I didn't really know and the GM was very emotional about the loss of a pet, at times interrupting or effecting a game because of it I would not be appreciative. I would of course sympathize, and wouldn't complain, but I would feel that it was inappropriate and that they should have just cancelled the event.
On the other hand, similar things have happened within my group of friends and I felt that it was great that they wanted us around during their time of grief, and if the game got delayed for a bit that was no big deal.
For me it's always helped to DM when I'm grieving from whatever (it use to be HORRIBLE breakups). Hopefully the game went ok for you, as I fully understand the need to keep your brain busy.
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The only thing I could add is be cognizant of the other people who will be there. You say 'a few friends' and if they are good friends it probably isn't an issue. If they are just gaming associates though, not close friends it could be a little inappropriate to try and run a game for them when you are emotionally distraught.
As an extreme example, if I attended a PFS game with people I didn't really know and the GM was very emotional about the loss of a pet, at times interrupting or effecting a game because of it I would not be appreciative. I would of course sympathize, and wouldn't complain, but I would feel that it was inappropriate and that they should have just cancelled the event.
On the other hand, similar things have happened within my group of friends and I felt that it was great that they wanted us around during their time of grief, and if the game got delayed for a bit that was no big deal.
Luckily for me, I only game with people I like and consider friends. I'm a bit... territorial when it comes to non-friends coming over to my house.
