101 Ways To Make Your Players Say "Oh F-"


Pathfinder First Edition General Discussion

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LuniasM wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
The mounted stuffed heads of animals and other beasts begin acting as if they were alive. Pleasant Dreams, yinz B**ches.

ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS. ANCIENT SINS.

ANCIENT BLOOD AND BLACKENED SKIES. THE FOREST DARK SHALL ONCE MORE RISE.

I've really got to fire my taxidermist...


Lady-J wrote:
Klorox wrote:
do 4 lvl casters qualify for lichdom?
yes you just need to have craft wondrous items and 11 caster levels

Commoners that take Master Craftsman do too.


When the Gnome Inventor says, "It's perfectly safe!"


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When the GM asks, "Are you sleeping in your armor?"


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Scott Wilhelm wrote:
When the Gnome Inventor says, "It's perfectly safe!"

Sorry, what was that second part? I was busy shouting "Oh f---" after you said "the Gnome Inventor..."


Scott Wilhelm wrote:
When the GM asks, "Are you sleeping in your armor?"

To flip it and make the GM go, "Oh F_~"

"Nope. I splurged and bought folding plate."


Tableflip McRagequit wrote:
Scott Wilhelm wrote:
When the Gnome Inventor says, "It's perfectly safe!"
Sorry, what was that second part? I was busy shouting "Oh f---" after you said "the Gnome Inventor..."

Did those little bastards escape Krynn?!


The Mad Comrade wrote:
Tableflip McRagequit wrote:
Scott Wilhelm wrote:
When the Gnome Inventor says, "It's perfectly safe!"
Sorry, what was that second part? I was busy shouting "Oh f---" after you said "the Gnome Inventor..."
Did those little bastards escape Krynn?!

According to the Spelljammer books; they did


i made at least 3 other people in my group say "oh f---" when i was describing some one my character is hunting down. he's a scientist who is being harbored by a kingdom that is actively trying to take over the continent and every one in the party in and out of character hates them.

me: "its difficult to explain in detail without my backstory in front of my but just think of it this way he is basically hitler if hitler was actually smart and also a mad scientist"

at least half the party: "oh f---"


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102. Rust Monster.
102a. Rust monsters.
102b. Rust monster swarm.
102c. Rust monsters swarms.
102d. Flying incorporeal metal-touch rust monster swarms.


102) Rustzilla, King of Rust Momsters.


Azten wrote:
102) Rustzilla, King of Rust Momsters.

Oh F...


Azten wrote:
102) Rustzilla, King of Rust Momsters.

I had to fight that once as a third or fourth level party of 3. We had to fight with the wooden rod of an Earth Breaker (improvised weapon), Unarmed Strikes (as not monk) and someone that was constantly summoning in new weapons.

Good times.


Any creature with 15ft+ reach...... a superlative pain in the ass!


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102.

We found out the headquarters for the superhero team we're going to be playing soon is being funded by Kickstarter.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

102.

We found out the headquarters for the superhero team we're going to be playing soon is being funded by Kickstarter.

That is actually more "What the f-!"


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LOL probably so!


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102. Tell your players you're running a superheroes game. Get them all whooped up for that. Help them build awesome Golden Age heroes. First session? Show up in a Rorschach mask.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

102.

We found out the headquarters for the superhero team we're going to be playing soon is being funded by Kickstarter.

"Kickstarter Man! They're going to blow up the Town Monument!"

"Sorry, kids. Saving monuments and landmarks was always a reach goal. Maybe if your parents had been a bit more generous. Now come on, it's time to cross the street..."


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quibblemuch wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:

102.

We found out the headquarters for the superhero team we're going to be playing soon is being funded by Kickstarter.

"Kickstarter Man! They're going to blow up the Town Monument!"

"Sorry, kids. Saving monuments and landmarks was always a reach goal. Maybe if your parents had been a bit more generous. Now come on, it's time to cross the street..."

Brilliant!


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

102.

We found out the headquarters for the superhero team we're going to be playing soon is being funded by Kickstarter.

Kickstarter is all well and good, but surely the superheeo team use a Patreon campaign for running expenses?


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DM: (rolls d20 and flinches) "Uhh... which hand did you use to open the door?"


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Malignor wrote:
DM: (rolls d20 and flinches) "Uhh... which hand did you use to open the door?"

102. Corollary: "Which one of you picked up the ITEM again?"

(You say "item" in lower case and not italicized. The players inevitably hear it huge, all caps, italicized, and, most likely, written in blood-drippy font.)


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102. Having AC 30, and still the enemy hits on rolling a mere 14, with vital strike and power attack.

No wait...that was me about my mooks. Darned cavalier.
All the trouble to make a nice challenge and cavalier ruins the chances :D


Our GM created a ridiculously powerful magic sword that tended to wield its people. When the party Warblade picked it up, he failed his Will Save and nearly killed the party.

When we finally got the situation under control, we were left with a choice. We couldn't destroy the sword. If any of us picked it up or took possession of it in even the most abstract sense, they would start making Will Saves until they failed one. The only other option was to leave it where it lay, waiting for some random or not-so-random person to pick it up and work its mischief on the world. That is what we finally did.


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I apologize for the conduct of my kinsman.

Dark Archive

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quibblemuch wrote:
Malignor wrote:
DM: (rolls d20 and flinches) "Uhh... which hand did you use to open the door?"

102. Corollary: "Which one of you picked up the ITEM again?"

(You say "item" in lower case and not italicized. The players inevitably hear it huge, all caps, italicized, and, most likely, written in blood-drippy font.)

102. Corollary to the Corollary: "You pick up the item? Uh... Do you still have that character appearance description you wrote when we started? I need to see if you wear gloves."

This actually happened once. Ask pipedreamsam.


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LuniasM wrote:

102. Corollary to the Corollary: "You pick up the item? Uh... Do you still have that character appearance description you wrote when we started? I need to see if you wear gloves."

This actually happened once. Ask pipedreamsam.

Adventurer's Rule 102: If the GM asks "Are you wearing gloves?" you say "YES!"


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Scott Wilhelm wrote:

Our GM created a ridiculously powerful magic sword that tended to wield its people. When the party Warblade picked it up, he failed his Will Save and nearly killed the party.

When we finally got the situation under control, we were left with a choice. We couldn't destroy the sword. If any of us picked it up or took possession of it in even the most abstract sense, they would start making Will Saves until they failed one. The only other option was to leave it where it lay, waiting for some random or not-so-random person to pick it up and work its mischief on the world. That is what we finally did.

Go back with about 50 pounds of lead ingots and a caster with fabricate that has an Int bonus of at least zero. Set lead ingots about the blade. fabricate crafts on take 10 a simple block of lead encasing the intelligent sword. If it can't move on its own accord, it gets no saving throw as the result is harmless. Now that it is safely ensconced in at least an inch think membrane of lead, go on an ocean cruise and huck that damned thing overboard when you're over the deepest part of the seas. Problem solved for, oh, a few centuries at least. ;)


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quibblemuch wrote:
102. Tell your players you're running a superheroes game. Get them all whooped up for that. Help them build awesome Golden Age heroes. First session? Show up in a Rorschach mask.

You know, I saw a guy pull that off at a convention once. Full mask with some ink in a pattern, and an additional layer of invisible ink. The later would only show up as he exhaled, (warmth of his breath I think) so it was constantly shifting shapes.


"Your fireball explodes in a brilliant flash of light and a searing wave of heat. Everyone's ears are left ringing from the sudden and immensely loud sound that resulted. The room lies in shambles, scorched furnature litters the floor. [Fighter's] armor bears blackened scars, and she's missing most of the hair on her left side.

The Swarm seems unaffected. Next."

Dark Archive

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quibblemuch wrote:
LuniasM wrote:

102. Corollary to the Corollary: "You pick up the item? Uh... Do you still have that character appearance description you wrote when we started? I need to see if you wear gloves."

This actually happened once. Ask pipedreamsam.

Adventurer's Rule 102: If the GM asks "Are you wearing gloves?" you say "YES!"

GM Rule 102: If a player's safety hinges on whether or not they are wearing gloves, either ask way ahead of time or check their character sheet, writeups, description, etc. The player will always say "YES!"

Evil GM Rule 102: Design traps which trigger based off the proximity of gloved hands.


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Evil GM Rule 102a-35: Proximity triggers based on beer breath or an excessive quantity of your minion's loot in their pockets are also valid. ;)


Scott Wilhelm wrote:

Our GM created a ridiculously powerful magic sword that tended to wield its people. When the party Warblade picked it up, he failed his Will Save and nearly killed the party.

When we finally got the situation under control, we were left with a choice. We couldn't destroy the sword. If any of us picked it up or took possession of it in even the most abstract sense, they would start making Will Saves until they failed one. The only other option was to leave it where it lay, waiting for some random or not-so-random person to pick it up and work its mischief on the world. That is what we finally did.

Sounds a lot like Stormbringer or Mournblade, from the Elric book series by Michael Moorcock. Truly evil weapons that constantly fought to control their wielders, or at least use them for their own ends.


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The Mad Comrade wrote:
Go back with about 50 pounds of lead ingots and a caster with fabricate that has an Int bonus of at least zero. Set lead ingots about the blade. fabricate crafts on take 10 a simple block of lead encasing the intelligent sword. If it can't move on its own accord, it gets no saving throw as the result is harmless. Now that it is safely ensconced in at least an inch think membrane of lead, go on an ocean cruise and huck that damned thing overboard when you're over the deepest part of the seas. Problem solved for, oh, a few centuries at least. ;)

Just like we did to old Grandma...


The Mad Comrade wrote:
Scott Wilhelm wrote:

Our GM created a ridiculously powerful magic sword that tended to wield its people. When the party Warblade picked it up, he failed his Will Save and nearly killed the party.

When we finally got the situation under control, we were left with a choice. We couldn't destroy the sword. If any of us picked it up or took possession of it in even the most abstract sense, they would start making Will Saves until they failed one. The only other option was to leave it where it lay, waiting for some random or not-so-random person to pick it up and work its mischief on the world. That is what we finally did.

Go back with about 50 pounds of lead ingots and a caster with fabricate that has an Int bonus of at least zero. Set lead ingots about the blade. fabricate crafts on take 10 a simple block of lead encasing the intelligent sword. If it can't move on its own accord, it gets no saving throw as the result is harmless. Now that it is safely ensconced in at least an inch think membrane of lead, go on an ocean cruise and huck that damned thing overboard when you're over the deepest part of the seas. Problem solved for, oh, a few centuries at least. ;)

Just to finish it off, cast transmute rock to mud on the sea bottom, put the whole disaster in the mud, then cast transmute mud to rock.


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102.
The party stealthily sees the bbeg put the McGuffin into a bag of holding.
Once he is away, they gather around and grab into the bag to try and pull it out.

They instead pull out a primal dragon.


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Reintroducing a villain from games we played 30 years ago (some of us have been together as a group that long).


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Reintroducing a villain from games we played 30 years ago (some of us have been together as a group that long).

I love it.... you could almost build an entire section on this. Little hints and clues.... seeing if any of the party could remember as to who this stranger was... ;))


That's very true! When I start the new campaign this fall I think I'll do just that!


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Thirty years? I'd be happy if my players could remember what happened in the previous session...


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102 - Sometime after introducing your party to the fun known as Succubus in a grapple thread. "a pair of shapely arms grabs you from behind, and a feminine voice says 'Wanna cuddle?'"


Chyrone wrote:

102.

The party stealthily sees the bbeg put the McGuffin into a bag of holding.
Once he is away, they gather around and grab into the bag to try and pull it out.

They instead pull out a primal dragon.

That or it's really a bag of devouring.


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102. The party, after having restored the family name of a dishonored nobleman, is invited to a banquet in their honor, to celebrate them. During part of the ceremony, surrounded by elite guards and other nobles, while the princess is bequeathing them with various honors, the party cleric steps back, pulls out a heavy crossbow, and starts loading it.

He was paranoid that something bad was going to happen.

The rest of the party was paranoid that he was mind controlled.

The GM was paranoid that his nice party was about to end in bloodshed.

It was an Oh F- moment for all!


DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Reintroducing a villain from games we played 30 years ago (some of us have been together as a group that long).

Introducing their 20+ year old PCs as villains in new campaings could also be a thing


That would be pretty interesting, too!


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102. So, you drank the Vampire's healing potion?

Spoiler:
Healing potions that use Inflict spells.


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102. Congratulations team, you've defeated the dreaded lich lord. It was a long and tiring battle, but you have won.
His gear? A frost enhanced blade +5, an ice plate +3 and a helm of intellect +6 with the power to control undead.

...sure, you can claim it as loot, you could even put it on, if you feel like it.
(GM waits, and is not disappointed)
...You have put on the lich lord's equipment, and you feel quite beefy. In fact, you also feel the irrepressible urge to murder the living, as your flesh turns cold.

Roll for initiative....


102: You fall to the bottom of the pit trap with a thud, and a click, as the pressure plate at the pit's bottom sinks into place. You quickly flip over, and see the trapdoor above you open...


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102. At a museum/great hall:

GM: statues of huge dinosaurs (or something else scary and strong) decorate a hall.
[Insert # of statues]

The team heads to another room to investigate.
PC: Right, now to investigate the other room.

GM: Coming back to the hall with the [insert # -1] statues, you take a turn left to the other room.

PC: Wait, don't you mean [# statues]?

GM: I said [# -1]

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