101 Ways To Make Your Players Say "Oh F-"


Pathfinder First Edition General Discussion

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GM: the large green slug like creature starts reciting poetry and it sounds exactly like this.


Diachronos wrote:
Errant Mercenary wrote:
Kileanna wrote:


99.(In the case of the Swashbuckler from my S&S campaign). "You enter the room. There is a jellyfish/anemone inside."

SINGLE. MOST. DEADLY. ENCOUNTER. EVER. My players still remember that...the only undefeated villain they've left.

Random number between 100-200. The otherwise plain looking person starts casting. Do a spellcraft. Hm..no that only gets you up to 6th level spells: you dont know what he's casting.

My party had more trouble with the godd*** devilfish from Book 1 of S&S. TPK the first time, and my alchemist still died because she failed her Fortitude save against its blood cloud when the DM let us rewind and attempt.

That one was pretty dangerous too. My players could have ended on a TPK there, nut they didn't want to get close to it and they taunted it to get it out of the water so they could target it. As it isn't very intelligent I allowed this to eventually work (it costed them many attempts) but if I was a more evil DM they would have died there.

The fun fact with anemonae and jellyfish was that the Swashbuckler had a really hard time on every single encounter against them, often brought into negative HP, swallowed whole or poisoned. The fact that they are immune to precission damage didn't help (even if he easily overcame their DR).

102: GM- "I have been reading The Silmarillion and I love Tolkien's narrative style! I'll be trying something similar for my descriptions in this campaign."

Silver Crusade

102) Bring back a villain that had previously killed a PC, only with a few levels/templates slapped on for good measure.


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Alternatively, 102- GM: "I've been reading A Song of Ice and Fire and I love Martin's treatment of characters. I'll be trying something similar on this campaign."

Alternatively, now 102: "This campaign will have Tolkien's narrative and Martin's treatment of characters... Let's start!"

Shadow Lodge

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Matthew Downie wrote:
Gaurwaith wrote:
102) Your group of level one adventurers falls into a "Pit of 102 Housecats"
Careful - that's 10,200 experience points you're potentially giving them.

And still not get them to level three! Bwahahahahaha!


102) Bring back one of the PC's more trusted allied NPCs, have them reveal to her all their plans, give a major plot device to her to take care of it, only to reveal later that she has been corrupted by the BBEG and turned into a ravenous cannibal who has given the major plot device to the BBEG.

(Again, happened in a campaign and it was glorious!!!)

102) Not bringing your full plate and weapons into a fancy banquet and realizing that some of the guests want to have you as a dessert.


102) Incorporeals at level 1 (I am GMing a game with that).
102) Channeling energy to harm undead without realizing that your ally is a dhampir (happened last session)


The Mad Comrade wrote:

97. "A coal black winged unicorn appears out of thin air and impales [insert character here] for [huge amounts of damage] on a surprise round charge attack, killing [insert character here]. Roll initiative."

When I was in high school but had association with (and later joint enrollment with) Georgia Tech, one of the professors there was a DM who was INFAMOUS in the forum community (yes, the 1960s-design/1970s-era mainframe there had a Forum on it in the late 1970s/early 1980s) for doing things like this, only with things like carnivorous apes rending instead of unicorns stabbing. For some weird reason, he had quite the following, but I'm glad I never played under him.


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Matthew Downie wrote:
Gaurwaith wrote:
102) Your group of level one adventurers falls into a "Pit of 102 Housecats"
Careful - that's 10,200 experience points you're potentially giving them.

So make it a swarm?


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Apparently Hugo Dyson quite literally said "Oh f---" when Tolkien was reading drafts of Lord of the Rings.


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Boomerang Nebula wrote:

GM: the large green slug like creature starts reciting poetry and it sounds exactly like this.

102) You are facing Cthulhu (or appropriately monstrous and superstrong creature), and it starts declaiming Vogon poetry ...


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Klorox wrote:
Boomerang Nebula wrote:

GM: the large green slug like creature starts reciting poetry and it sounds exactly like this.

102) You are facing Cthulhu (or appropriately monstrous and superstrong creature), and it starts declaiming Vogon poetry ...

102) You are facing Cthulhu (or appropriately monstrous and superstrong creature), and it starts singing this song...

(+1 if the GM is an awful singer like me)


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102) One of the other players says, "My character is deaf-and-dumb and only uses sign language. To stay in character, I'm going to do the same."


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102. You are facing Cthulhu and he gets real pale and runs away from whatever is behind you.


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102. DM - *rolls* What's your AC again? Ah, I was right. Yeah, he hits you on a 2.


Isonaroc wrote:
13. Rappan Athuk

My favorite dungeon.


If my players would do dungeon crawls I'd love to run Rappan Athuk, despite my reticence and difficulties in running pre-written adventures and modules.


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102. And he succeeds the fort save against your coup-de-gras. He wakes up and continues to attack.


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103. "You see a small, winged faerie. It has an outsized pair of pliers."


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104. "You find the dungeon entrance as described in the map. You see strange writing over the entrance. Roll a linguistics check. [Player rolls.]Success, it reads, 'Welcome to Alpha Complex.'"


Alpha complex? I miss the reference.


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Klorox wrote:
Alpha complex? I miss the reference.

Paranoia.

Dark Archive

Oddman80 wrote:

61) GM: "Hey guys. Sorry I had to miss the last couple sessions. Speaking of which, I want you to meet my girlfriend - she's going to be joining us from now on. Nown she's never played before, so be patient, but I've helped her make a character that I think she will enjoy playing. Its an awakened pony packlord druid... what did you say her nane was, sweetie? that's right, Fluttershy"

they might not say it out loud. but i guarantee they will be thinking it.

No.

Liberty's Edge

102. "What's that? You got a 32 on your perception check? You just found a scrying sensor."


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102: "Ok, you're in your room with the prostitute. What are you going to do?"


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102. "What's that? You got a 32 on your Perception check? You don't spot it--I mean, anything. There's nothing there."

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

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102. "Your goddess wouldn't let you do that. You lose 1 level."


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SmiloDan wrote:
102. "Your goddess wouldn't let you do that. You lose 1 level."

I don't say "Oh f---" in those circumstances. I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves...

Shadow Lodge

AdamWarnock wrote:
91. GM: You round a bend in the forest path to find that the person you were following is no longer in front of you. Looking behind, you find that the people following you are no longer there either.

I did this; PCs freaked out. GM seal of approval!


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102. When one of my players saw I had recently acquired Horror Adventures, they uttered the aforementioned phrase.


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Pathfinder Maps, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

102. The PCs are tasked with taking a small package to a renowned sage in a far off land. They are under express orders not to open the package, and to protect it at all costs. During their travels, they hear tales of a powerful, homicidal wizard operating in the area. Known simply as "The Heart Collector," rumor has it that the wizard recently lost something extremely precious to him. Should the PCs ever open or otherwise investigate the small package in their charge, they find that it contains several well-preserved, shrunken, humanoid hearts.

And if that's not enough:


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305. arrive at the session with 3 giant boxes of d6's and during that sessions boss fight count them out and say hmmm guys i need 62 more d6's


102) When you make a hundred and two jokes about needing more dice.


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102. "This is my kleptomaniac homicidal kender PC from a former campaign I played. Your mission today is securing his trip to the next town. You are going to love him, he is so funny!"

(Solution: wrap him like a sausage and put him in your bag of holding. If he asphyxiates, nobody told you that kenders needed to breathe!)


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Gaurwaith wrote:
102) When you make a hundred and two jokes about needing more dice.

There was one was about needing more pawns. That's something entirely different!

102. "To fix magic/caster disparity, I have made some houseruling about how magic works. First one: I have imported Paradox from Mage: the Ascension"


102-whatever. "You enter the ruined temple to find it packed with wall-to-wall Orcs. Roll initiative."

Silver Crusade

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Kileanna wrote:
102. ...nobody told you that kenders needed to breathe!

I laughed so hard no sound came out.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32

Tableflip McRagequit wrote:
SmiloDan wrote:
102. "Your goddess wouldn't let you do that. You lose 1 level."
I don't say "Oh f---" in those circumstances. I prefer to let my actions speak for themselves...

It was the penultimate session of the campaign, or I would have done your name. I didn't want to ruin everything for everyone else. I think the DM kind of had it out for me for some reason. My PC died twice (no one else got killed), and he seemed to target my PC's vulnerabilities in particular (-1 Dexterity saves). It's a 5th Edition campaign, and I play a support Hill Dwarf Life Cleric; it's not like I was hogging the spotlight or anything. I was just making everyone else better (buffing with bless or just fixing them up with cure wounds, healing word, mass cure wounds, and mass healing word).


102: Adding class levels to anything, seriously nothing quite screws with a player like an already frustrating monster with class levels.


quibblemuch wrote:
Klorox wrote:
Alpha complex? I miss the reference.
Paranoia.

Duh, and they did publish an adventure where the complex was invaded by D&D characters, didn't they?

Long ago, in a faraway galaxy...


409. gm: "new campaign today it will be in the attack on titans universe and your all humans"


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420: The witch stares at you through red, bloodshot eyes, giggling and cackling over the billowing fumes of her cauldron. She smiles at you and says "Time to get baked!"


And I keep telling her to stay away from the free-range mushrooms. She doesn't know where they've been.


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102. After you step through the waterfall you realise your spell book isn't waterproof.


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102) "Who's ready to use my new system for tracking the edge damage on your weapons?"


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102. GM: The Mendevian commander assigns you to a new unit called the red shirts.


103. Dragon with antimagic field.


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102. HOLD UP, CHAINSAW BARBARIAN AM STATTED REALLY REALLY CRAPPY. LET BARBARIAN FIX FEW THINGS, THEN AM ROLLING INITIATIVE.


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SmiloDan wrote:
It was the penultimate session of the campaign, or I would have done your name. I didn't want to ruin everything for everyone else. I think the DM kind of had it out for me for some reason. My PC died twice (no one else got killed), and he seemed to target my PC's vulnerabilities in particular (-1 Dexterity saves). It's a 5th Edition campaign, and I play a support Hill Dwarf Life Cleric; it's not like I was hogging the spotlight or anything. I was just making everyone else better (buffing with bless or just fixing them up with cure wounds, healing word, mass cure wounds, and mass healing word).

At my particular tables, that's sort of an occupational hazard for being the healer. Good tactics for the monsters is knocking the cleric out of the combat first. It sows panic in the other side, prevents buffs, and makes sure that the next person down stays down. It might not be personal, is what I'm saying, but then, I'm not at YOUR table, so I can't really tell.


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These are awesome! I haven't been to the Forums in awhile, and seeing this thread first really made my day! Thanks!

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