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So... In December I suffered a horrific injury in a vehicle crash.
Struck by a semi, I was a passenger in an SUV.
It's been so hard to try to come back from. Between the massive debt from the first surgery, the loss of a job, the pain, even the loss of almost everything I loved to do it has not been good.
Gaming can help more than people realize I think. It's still a place where my busted body doesn't matter. I can't really do any of the other things I loved, but I still have this.
Doesn't matter if it's PF, D&D, Rifts, etc. Gaming can be a godsend. I don't know where I'd be without it.
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I'd been through years of abuse and self.denial. After quitting all my hobbies because someone convinced me to do it, I got out of that situation and got back to roleplaying.
Being able to solve in game situations, putting myself on the skin of other peoplw, focing myself to be strong because my character needed to be to overcome her difficulties made me recover my trust in myself and my will to enjoy life.
GMing again made me see I I can do stuff that other people enjoys, and interact again with many friends that I had lost.
Also, putting my own problems in the mind and situation of other characters allowed me to analyze them from an outside perspective and realize things about my own life and priorities.
So I know what you mean. I am now fully recovered (as much as one can be) and I hope you soon are too. Even if your body doesn't being able to enjoy your hobbies and your life again is very important.
My best wishes, HWalsh.
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HWalsh, good to see you back. I pray you continue to heal on every level.
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Freehold DM wrote: HWalsh, good to see you back. I pray you continue to heal on every level. Much appreciated. Sadly this is as good as it's gonna get for me. The unfortunate truth is, being relatively poor in the US means the 2-3 other surgeries I need to recover, not to mention the physical therapy and such are far outside my grasp.
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And from me as well. Depending on the condition, there are rehab things you can do yourself, if improvised. Surgery is another matter, of course. Still, not giving up, and by extension, making sure you are not depressed, is extremely important.
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I was in a really terrible wreck 12 years ago. I still have anxiety driving and it's getting worse as the years go by. I foresee that in just a few years I won't be able to drive at all if it continues on this track.
I also had a severe mental and emotional breakdown in early 2007. I told my group I had to stop gaming for awhile and that was the only time in over 30 years of gaming I'd taken so long off from it. I started back about 2009. I was afraid my group would have lost interest after so long, but they didn't and we're still gaming to this day.
My depression has caused me to lose interest in nearly every hobby I used to love. Reading, watching tv and movies, going out with friends, even just hanging around and talking with friends has become very difficult for me. But I've hung onto gaming and it's been the one constant activity I can count on to keep me busy and occupied so that I don't dwell too much on my depression, anxiety, and disabilities.
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Sissyl wrote: And from me as well. Depending on the condition, there are rehab things you can do yourself, if improvised. Surgery is another matter, of course. Still, not giving up, and by extension, making sure you are not depressed, is extremely important. At the risk of not getting too deep into it, what happened with me was my left leg was crushed. The center console of the SUV shot into the passenger side. We toppled end over end and spun.
My friend was driving, I didn't even realize how bad I was hurt. I called 911 and got them on the way. My friend was unconscious for a few seconds (he came to pretty fast) and I kept him talking. The EMTs and rescue workers got there and I couldn't figure out why they were concerned with me, my friend was the one who was knocked out and was bleeding (he only had a cut on his arm and face but it looked really bad to me, who only had a broken tooth and cut on my cheek as far as I knew) and I refused to let them get me out first.
I insisted they get him out, I was like, "Yeah I'm fine. Pretty sure my leg is busted, get him out. Get him out he has a family, he's the important one here."
They finally get him out and are like, "Sir, have you looked at your leg?"
I look down, and I don't see a leg. I can darn sure feel a leg. I am confused, that is when they explain that it is still attached but it is trapped in the console. So they cut me out.
Anyway, long story short, the biggest problem was that my left leg had multiple fractures with a tibia plateau fracture with a lateral component (Broken knee). The hospital screwed up and didn't do a CT scan so they missed the knee, they noted the back injury though and had me walk, that night, on the broken knee. I fell over screaming when I tried to put weight on it.
They said, "It is a bad contusion, you'll be fine."
2 days later, after convalescing with the pain not going away, I lost feeling in the leg. Went to a different hospital and they were like, "Oh geeze."
So in this case, now, six months later, the back injury is fine, the shoulder is fine, arm is fine, I still need some dental work but that is not really a big deal comparatively, but the leg needed surgery and unfortunately the swelling caused compartmentalization and damaged the nerves meaning the leg doesn't work properly, all kinds of hyperextended everything, they had to do surgery to put the knee back together (Which, since our driver was deemed at fault the insurance didn't even cover) but now they say they need to replace the knee, and they say I need a vascular surgeon because the arteries and such are crushed, and I need a neurosurgeon to look at the nerves because, right now, I have intermittent monoplegia (basically the leg goes numb and then refuses to move), and well those things just ain't cheap.
There is nobody, at least where I live, who wants to hire someone with these kinds of injuries so... Its not been pleasant. I have my gaming... Leg or no leg my Paladin can do everything they could do before the wreck.
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DungeonmasterCal wrote: I was in a really terrible wreck 12 years ago. I still have anxiety driving and it's getting worse as the years go by. I foresee that in just a few years I won't be able to drive at all if it continues on this track.
I also had a severe mental and emotional breakdown in early 2007. I told my group I had to stop gaming for awhile and that was the only time in over 30 years of gaming I'd taken so long off from it. I started back about 2009. I was afraid my group would have lost interest after so long, but they didn't and we're still gaming to this day.
My depression has caused me to lose interest in nearly every hobby I used to love. Reading, watching tv and movies, going out with friends, even just hanging around and talking with friends has become very difficult for me. But I've hung onto gaming and it's been the one constant activity I can count on to keep me busy and occupied so that I don't dwell too much on my depression, anxiety, and disabilities.
Yeah. I have seen most of friends maybe 2-3 times since the accident. I lost the house and had to move in with someone and I get it. I don't read anymore, I don't get any enjoyment out of movies much, it blows. You don't realize how important simple things are to you until you can't do them anymore.
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Don't give up. I tell myself that every day. My wreck caused me some very severe problems with my leg, as well, though not nearly as bad as yours. I hope things get better, even if only a little. That goes a long way. And keep playing that Paladin. Fight the good fight.
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You can get better. When i messed up my back there was one point i could barely get to the bathroom. A year later i could walk accross the bridge
They are coming out with new technologies and surgeries every year. One of them might be able to help, if not now then in 10 years.
Get. The damned pain meds. Its not wussing out, its not going to change who you are. Its not a matter of "toughing it out".
You're not likely to become a heroin fiend because people have problems when they come off the meds. It sounds (like with me) there's no likely future where thats going to happen. Get what you can and use them to stay active. Injuries you don't move just keep getting worse.
And yes, there have been weeks where "I can't do anything drastic, I need to run next week" has been the +2 bonus on a will save that i needed.
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I have to have pain meds on a daily basis or I can't cope with the pain most days. There's nothing wrong with taking them if you can afford them or you have insurance. Just be judicious with them and don't take more than necessary.
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Throughout the last year I was really depressed, not on meds, and unable to see a therapist. Playing tabletop was the only thing getting me out of my room outside of classes and was 100% keeping me alive.
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BigNorseWolf wrote: You can get better. When i messed up my back there was one point i could barely get to the bathroom. A year later i could walk accross the bridge
They are coming out with new technologies and surgeries every year. One of them might be able to help, if not now then in 10 years.
Get. The damned pain meds. Its not wussing out, its not going to change who you are. Its not a matter of "toughing it out".
You're not likely to become a heroin fiend because people have problems when they come off the meds. It sounds (like with me) there's no likely future where thats going to happen. Get what you can and use them to stay active. Injuries you don't move just keep getting worse.
And yes, there have been weeks where "I can't do anything drastic, I need to run next week" has been the +2 bonus on a will save that i needed.
I get meds when I can afford them. Further treatment is a little outside my reach at the moment. Healthcare in the US is not so good for those who are low on the economic rung.
Like one test runs $1600 up front. The $80,000 surgery wiped me out heh.
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This should be covered by auto insurance?
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BigNorseWolf wrote: This should be covered by auto insurance?
Sadly no.
My friend was judged at fault, so the insurance covered the liability maximum. $25k, I got nothing but a $55,000 bill. Suuuucked.
Lost my job in the process. Was not fun.
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Insurance is a racket. Some companies will do anything to keep from paying. After my accident in 2005 MY insurance company jumped in and came right to the forefront to help. The insurance of the people at fault tried fight paying me what was owed for my medical bills and pain and suffering. When I threatened to get a lawyer they caved.
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Is it just me, or is anyone else feeling it might be time from some crowd funding (if HW wouldn't mind) Paizoians leave no man behind! And while I am also quite poor, I am more than happy to tout such a thing on the Flying Pincushion blog. Not to get political, but lack of urgent healthcare because some paper pusher decides that "fault" should have anything to do with getting a much needed surgery PISSES ME OFF, and generally I try to rail against things that piss me off.
Just a thought...plus, I sort of regard folks on these boards as extended family, a wonderfully strange and odd extended family, but hey, I LIKE it that way!
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BigNorseWolf wrote: This should be covered by auto insurance?
My car insurance covers $1k in medical expenses. That was an ER visit and x-rays when I had my accident.
When my parents had theirs last year, they had better insurance. Their insurance covered $15k. That didn't even cover the helicopter flight to the hospital.
Car insurance won't cover much serious injury care in the U.S.
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HWalsh wrote: BigNorseWolf wrote: This should be covered by auto insurance? Sadly no.
My friend was judged at fault, so the insurance covered the liability maximum. $25k, I got nothing but a $55,000 bill. Suuuucked.
Lost my job in the process. Was not fun. The s%&!ty part is where to go any further you would have to sue your friend due to their liability.
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I like Beernorg's thinking.
Another thing to think about; we have a pretty diverse crowd here, anyone know a charity or know someone that works with charities that might be able to help?
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Bardez -
Unfortunately, their insurance already paid out the maximum possible so the only amount I can go for beyond that is for personal which, they don't have it. They took me into their home when I lost mine and have helped me enough that to do anything like that is unthinkable.
I did a go fund me, but absolutely 0 help. I even got retweeted multiple times by a politician (Sam Ronan, great guy) several times and got nothing. Well not nothing, I got hate mail. I am not even kidding, I got pure hate mail.
Nothing like telling a guy in a wheelchair that they need to take personal responsibility for being a passenger in a semi collision. LOL
The GFM was:
Linky
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The scary part, the SUV looks like it is "slimmer than it should be" like there is a camera defect? That isn't a camera defect. That fold you see in the center? That is because the vehicle actually got crushed and like folded up like a ^ point in the center (you can see it on the hood) and so, like, an SUV that would now be wide as a compact car.
Its sort of funny if it wasn't absolutely terrifying at the time.
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Despite all the hardship and pain you went through, you're still alive, so that counts for something. My doctors said it was a miracle all I had was a broken tibia and fibula in my left leg and a bunch of torn chest cartilage. I was knocked across a 5 line highway, rolling and spinning and ending up inches away from a drop off. I started screaming for help immediately then shock set and I began laughing. I knew I had a broken leg by the feel of it and I just couldn't stop laughing. Even when the first responders got there and began cutting the door off to get me out I told them I'd only had the SUV (A Honda CRV) 12 days (truth) and to not scratch my paint. Then they put me in an ambulance and then later gave me a lot of morphine.
I'm a really heavy guy, so my recovery time took longer because I had to wait longer before putting my full weight on my leg. And I won't lie; I got addicted to a painkiller called Talwin. But my doctor told me flat out that without the pain medicine I'd be in sheer agony and we'd wean me off the meds when the time came. Just take it one crisis at a time he said, and I did.
I truly hate you're in the situation you are, and if I could help I certainly would. All I can offer is an ear and a shoulder if you need them, but they're free and you can use them anytime.
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DungeonmasterCal wrote: Despite all the hardship and pain you went through, you're still alive, so that counts for something. My doctors said it was a miracle all I had was a broken tibia and fibula in my left leg and a bunch of torn chest cartilage. I was knocked across a 5 line highway, rolling and spinning and ending up inches away from a drop off. I started screaming for help immediately then shock set and I began laughing. I knew I had a broken leg by the feel of it and I just couldn't stop laughing. Even when the first responders got there and began cutting the door off to get me out I told them I'd only had the SUV (A Honda CRV) 12 days (truth) and to not scratch my paint. Then they put me in an ambulance and then later gave me a lot of morphine.
I'm a really heavy guy, so my recovery time took longer because I had to wait longer before putting my full weight on my leg. And I won't lie; I got addicted to a painkiller called Talwin. But my doctor told me flat out that without the pain medicine I'd be in sheer agony and we'd wean me off the meds when the time came. Just take it one crisis at a time he said, and I did.
I truly hate you're in the situation you are, and if I could help I certainly would. All I can offer is an ear and a shoulder if you need them, but they're free and you can use them anytime.
Much appreciated, and yeah I am glad I am still alive. They couldn't explain how we weren't dead. The sheriff was first on scene and the fact that we both made it out of there was a surprise to everyone. I had lost my father only a couple months earlier and was still reeling from that, I was his caretaker for the last four years, and I like to think that the reason we lived was that he stepped in from wherever he is and lent a hand.
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Also I second the comment about being a big guy.
I went through and was deemed able to put weight on it, which I can, sort of about 2.5 months ago. Sadly it is pure pain to do so. They checked it, and basically said, "We were afraid of this, we'll have to replace the knee."
I was floored, I was like, "Dudes, you just charged me eighty grand for surgery, what do you mean I need to replace the knee now?"
Then they found out that the tendon is hyper extended and will require surgery (tendon repair surgery) because when I took a step the top of the leg went forward over the knee (basically it bent the wrong way) then they have deemed the nerve somewhere between the knee and the ankle is pinched, severed, or partially severed (leaning to partially severed as I still get feeling and can move it about 60% of the time, though the left side is always dead) currently the leg swells up if I am not laying back elevated, and they said I need to see a vascular surgeon because they believe that some of the plumbing must have been crushed.
So, unfortunately, I am so far in the hole that I can't even get an appointment with a vascular surgeon, a neuro surgeon, or a doctor who specializes in tendeopathy (a sports medicine specialist I guess? I have a reference but they want $500 up front to even see me.) a few times we have floated, given my financial status, amputation as I might be able to regain more use from it, but because of the knee it would have to be an above the knee amputation and those have limited recovery as well so... Its just a mess.
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It sure is. I'm truly sorry.
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I mean, though it could be worse. I still have my brain, I still have my hands to type, so I can still play and run games on Roll 20 and such.
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True. Silver linings, I suppose!
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I got angry when I read about the hate mail. I mean, if you don't want to donate, don't do it! You don't have to insult anyone! Specially a person who is going through some serious sh*t.
Is there a way to get some attention for your crowdfunding? The fact that a surgery exists but you cannot afford it just sucks. There has to be a way.
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Bardez wrote: HWalsh wrote: BigNorseWolf wrote: This should be covered by auto insurance? Sadly no.
My friend was judged at fault, so the insurance covered the liability maximum. $25k, I got nothing but a $55,000 bill. Suuuucked.
Lost my job in the process. Was not fun. The s@!~ty part is where to go any further you would have to sue your friend due to their liability. Don't sue the friend. Sue the hospital that missed the knee injury.
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Knight who says Meh wrote: Bardez wrote: HWalsh wrote: BigNorseWolf wrote: This should be covered by auto insurance? Sadly no.
My friend was judged at fault, so the insurance covered the liability maximum. $25k, I got nothing but a $55,000 bill. Suuuucked.
Lost my job in the process. Was not fun. The s@!~ty part is where to go any further you would have to sue your friend due to their liability. Don't sue the friend. Sue the hospital that missed the knee injury. We have looked into that actually...
The problem with a lawsuit like that is that you have to prove that the hospital made the injury worse. So said my lawyer. This is a catch 22 though since the hospital never did the CT of the knee, which is why they missed it (contusion my rear end, you can see it is broken in the photo heh) then I have no way to prove that them telling me to walk on it did any further damage because I have no comparison.
Or, as 5 different lawyers have told me, you could win, but it could take a long time, and we can't take a case like that pro bono.
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Kileanna wrote: I got angry when I read about the hate mail. I mean, if you don't want to donate, don't do it! You don't have to insult anyone! Specially a person who is going through some serious sh*t.
Is there a way to get some attention for your crowdfunding? The fact that a surgery exists but you cannot afford it just sucks. There has to be a way.
I'm trying. I am going through the disability stuff now on it.
Oh yeah the hate mail was less than fun. My personal favorite still came in the form of a tweet that said, "I was going to help you (spelled u) but then I found out you are a lib."
The next closest one was, "You should take personal responsibility, if you didn't have health insurance, it is your own fault."
My view on it is that there are just some really twisted people in the world and they like to make others feel bad. I try not to let it get to me.
I will say, it does feel good to rant though... I haven't felt this much community good will in a long time. :)
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I don't know how car insurance works in the US. In Spain having an insurance that covers damage to passengers (but not the driver) is compulsory.
The one who said "I'm not helping because you are a lib" annoys me. Being human should be more important than labeling people.
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Remember... Whatever you go through, whatever suffering or agony ends up in your lap, you still have one thing to be thankful for: You are not the guy who sent the hate mail.
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Kileanna wrote: I don't know how car insurance works in the US. In Spain having an insurance that covers damage to passengers (but not the driver) is compulsory.
The one who said "I'm not helping because you are a lib" annoys me. Being human should be more important than labeling people.
It is compulsory. In Georgia you must have $25,000 worth of coverage.
What isn't compulsory is that required medical care be $25,000 or less.
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+1 for Sissyl I could not have said it better myself.
I bet if we put our collective heads together, we can make something happen. There is allot of brain power and knowledge on these boards, even if we are "mostly" liberals...
Of note, GORRAM IT I HATE INSURANCE!!! (I too have had some less than awesome times with insurance I pay for, then it...wait for it...lets me down or drops me when I use it ::GASP::)
By our powers combined, WE CAN DO THIS!
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One of my friends is legally blind, so I will share her lament: "It sucks that we got all of the punk and we're still waiting on the cyber."
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GM_Beernorg wrote: +1 for Sissyl I could not have said it better myself.
I bet if we put our collective heads together, we can make something happen. There is allot of brain power and knowledge on these boards, even if we are "mostly" liberals...
Of note, GORRAM IT I HATE INSURANCE!!! (I too have had some less than awesome times with insurance I pay for, then it...wait for it...lets me down or drops me when I use it ::GASP::)
By our powers combined, WE CAN DO THIS!
In our case when my mother passed, I stayed with pops to help him and keep an eye on him. This limited my work options as he couldn't afford to move so I got kind of trapped in a tiny town called Douglas. (Not to be confused with Douglasvill GA which is much larger.)
3 months after he passed was the accident. The ironic part? I wrote a book. A novel. My dad always said he wanted me to finish one of the novels I started and I did, in November, 2 months after his passing. The night of the accident, my friend and I went out because a Publisher showed interest and we were going to celebrate by picking up some cheap Christmas gifts.
The accident put me out of commission for months and though I have an agent, and we are hammering out the editing, and the publisher was interested it put everything in jeopardy and we are still trying to sort it out. 117,000 words. YA Modern fantasy.
Sometimes I feel like the Universe has it in for me. :P I just seem to have constant bad luck. Maybe I need to find a cleric to cast Remove Curse.
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Philo Pharynx wrote: One of my friends is legally blind, so I will share her lament: "It sucks that we got all of the punk and we're still waiting on the cyber."
AGREED!
A Cybernetic leg would solve a LOT of darn problems right now. LOL
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naww HW, you just need a cute and fun nature witch (or warlock) with the Fortune Hex!
(well, and a cybernetic leg...will need a technomancer for that though LOL)
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I just rolled over trying to sleep and defended myself from the vicious wall with. Perfectly executed knee strike.
Owie. :(
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HWalsh wrote: I just rolled over trying to sleep and defended myself from the vicious wall with. Perfectly executed knee strike.
Owie. :(
that monstrous wall! Clearly the only load it was bearing was a grudge against you!
gives hwalsh 100 XP
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An engineering joke Freehold....really? :P
Plus, well know that elbow strikes are for walls, knee strikes are for gazebos!
HW...ok, we really do need to get you a cybernetic leg if you are going to continue beating up walls (seriously though man, do be careful and I hope you didn't do any further harm to that troublesome joint!)
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GM_Beernorg wrote: An engineering joke Freehold....really? :P
Plus, well know that elbow strikes are for walls, knee strikes are for gazebos!
HW...ok, we really do need to get you a cybernetic leg if you are going to continue beating up walls (seriously though man, do be careful and I hope you didn't do any further harm to that troublesome joint!)
It wasn't intentional. Heh my bed is small. :P
But no the impact didn't do damage. The bone, so sayeth the orthopedic surgeon is all nice and healed. The inside is all jagged and rough and needs to be replaced but the outside is ok.
I just can't use it due to nerves, tendons, pain, and such. So far I'm grateful to you guys here who donated. That thing was up for months without anyone helping. It saw no movement until here and that means a lot.
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