Players do the darndest things.

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He definitely said "Shove". One of my players couldn't help but laugh the rest of the night every time he thought about it. They'd complained and complained about not having the bag anymore, and then WHOOSH! It's all gone into the nothing.

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perhaps you should offer him a +1 grammar hammer

I should feel bad for that pun...but I DON'T

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Whenever you feel bad for a pun remember that Jokey the Unfunny Comedian exists.

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Mouthe dice funke, joy nanny!

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I think I may start shouting this when I roll...

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We had a couple of players that were fairly good... as long as they were not together.

The first played goofy characters, but made mostly good roleplaying and was a friendly guy.

The second one only played snobbish Ventrue Vampires, but he did well roleplaying them.

But when they were together, they just forgot roleplaying and goofed around to the point of ridiculousness.

The Ventrue player had been doing well until then. He had earned some respect and position. Until the other player came as a watcher to a session.

Dalindra was the GM. The Ventrue needed to feed so he went, well dressed, to a depressed neighborhood to feed on some buns. He was attacked in an alley. He was stabbed twice, ripping his expensive clothes but leaving him unharmed. They went on a struggle and finally the Vampire ripped the bum's neck with his fangs and fed on him.
Now the weirdness starts: he left the corpse in the alley and went to the street with his torn suit, his face and shirt soaked in blood, and started saying with a goofy bum's voice «Gimme somethin', duuuude!» to the people who passed (this was some sort of inner joke that the two players had and they had being repeating that words for a few time). People ran away from him, scared, but he went on.
Finally the Sheriff appeared, alarmed with all that chaos. And what did the Ventrue do when he appeared? You guess right:
«Gimme somethin', duuuuude!»
«Of course I am giving you something, my friend»
And the Sheriff put a stake through the Ventrue's heart (that paralyzes him) and took him into the Elysium to be judged.
They were not as harsh as they could be because it was the first time he did something like that. The player realized too late that the GM was not joining him in the joke. He lost all the respect and everybody mocked him for a looong time. When they saw him they always whispered in a low voice: «Gimme somethin', duuuude».

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(was sent here by Kileanna, here you go XD)

tldr; bard decides to prank wizard, wizard punishes bard by taking a huge s~%* on his bed

So I'm currently playing a CG Bard (his name is Desmond) in my first ever Pathfinder campaign. The majority of the party is CG (Barbarian, Cleric, Rogue), with the exception of the Paladin (LG, of course) and the Wizard (Ivellious), who is LN.

Ivellious is an elven racial purist, who believes all other races are vastly inferior to elves, although he doesn't take it as far as killing other races. Desmond, being somewhat of a ladies' man (or so he would like to think) has earnt the ire of Ivellious, who constantly refers to him as "scum" although he somehow tolerates my presence - not that we always manage to moderate our animosity for each other, as you will soon learn.

Anyways, this past session we were resting in a tavern, and Ivellious was drinking a glass of fine elven wine and studying his spellbook, while Desmond was quietly playing his lute. Deciding to have a little harmless fun, Desmond used Mage Hand to randomly turn the pages of Ivellious' spellbook, so as to annoy the hell out of him. Ivellious, getting understandably annoyed, used Mage Hand himself, to retune Desmond's lute so it was out of tune. Himself now pissed off, Desmond used Mage Hand AGAIN, this time using it to dump the glass of wine on Ivellious' head. Laughs were had, and the night went on, with Desmond becoming more and more drunk as time passed.

Here's where things turned into sheer hilarity - Desmond, by this stage being completely off his face, failed a Perception check to notice Ivellious leave the room in secret. He soon returned, saying nothing of what he had left the room for. Later on, Desmond decided that it was time to call it a night, and headed for bed.

However, as he lay down, he felt a strange feeling on his arms and chest. Me, feeling rather confused, initially thought that he had been hit by some kind of spell. This was promptly dismissed, as he then noticed the smell coming from around him. Getting up and looking at his bed, he noticed the large pile of elven faeces he had been laying in a few moments prior. While Desmond, having failed the Perception check earlier, did not connect the dots, the DM told me that it had actually been Ivellious who had taken a dump on my bed, as a drunken way of "punishing" me for messing with him. Everyone bursts out laughing at this, myself and Ivellious' owner included.

Anyways, thanks for staying for my story, and I hope to return with more as time goes on.

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I am officially one of those players. Or maybe my dice are just chaotic evil.

I'm playing an ifrit paladin in my friend's campaign, and my character is standing watch on the town's walls. He has a good reputation there with the street urchins so they constantly pester him for coins or candy which he usually provides gladly, but as he is standing watch one of the kids gets the bright idea to pickpocket him. I roll well on my perception check, so he notices it and grabs the kid by his ratty tunic and gives the would be thief a good firm scolding while held at eye level. I roll poorly on my intimidate, so to give him an extra scare, I decide that Sir Paladin is going to drop the kid in the moat outside the walls, and then let him back inside after a chilly night spent thinking about what he did. The dice have other ideas, and after telling the other urchins "this is what happens to thieves," I roll a natural 1 to toss the kid in the moat. So instead he lands just outside the moat. On his head. Next to one of the crocodiles I had forgotten lives in the moat. I decide he's going to leap down and try to save the kid, and do well on the check to jump, but fail the dex save to stick the landing, and Sir Paladin falls into the moat himself. While wearing full plate armor. My character drowned, the kid got eaten, and the other urchins were scarred for life by what they saw.

My new character is a gillman rogue who hates kids. Never again.

Oo That's some good combination of the dice being CE and the GM having a laugh at you. I think that making your character die was a bit too much.

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Damn, leaving a kid in a cold moat overnight? I mean, not to start a paladin thread, but...damn, your GM has a very different reading of "Good" than I do. That paladin should not be allowed around kids, urchin or no! ;D

Did your paladin worship a god of crocodiles or water? Because if I was a god of crocodiles and/or water, and looking for a way to punish one of my ex-paladins...

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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Damn, leaving a kid in a cold moat overnight? I mean, not to start a paladin thread, but...damn, your GM has a very different reading of "Good" than I do. That paladin should not be allowed around kids, urchin or no! ;D

Did your paladin worship a god of crocodiles or water? Because if I was a god of crocodiles and/or water, and looking for a way to punish one of my ex-paladins...

The DM made the paladin pay for his mistake. As I understand the story, the paladin did fall and it cost his life. Though not the way most GMs would do it. ;)

I'd never turn my back on THOSE dice again...

Actions have gravitas and are subject to gravity in someone's game... :P

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Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Damn, leaving a kid in a cold moat overnight? I mean, not to start a paladin thread, but...damn, your GM has a very different reading of "Good" than I do. That paladin should not be allowed around kids, urchin or no! ;D

Did your paladin worship a god of crocodiles or water? Because if I was a god of crocodiles and/or water, and looking for a way to punish one of my ex-paladins...

Lawful Good does not always mean Lawful Nice, and even LG Ifrits are supposed to be impulsive. The guards would have just hung the kid on the spot, so I thought a night in the moat would be letting him off easy. Plus I just have terrible luck in game when it comes to water. I've lost more characters to drowning or water related foes than anything else. So I'm never making another character who can't breathe underwater OR using those dice again.

Dark Archive

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I just have terrible luck in game when it comes to water. I've lost more characters to drowning or water related foes than anything else.

Running water is EVIL. Never trust water. Never.

I've tried to learn how to swim since I began adventuring because I was ashamed of not being able to swim. What kind of powerful enchantress/necromancer is afraid of water?

I grew up on a small fishing town, but I'd rather stay away from water. Other kids thought I was weird. I didn't care. Water was EVIL. They threw me to the river to play a prank on me and I almost drowned. It wasn't funny. Water is EVIL and it wants to kill you.

My adventures took me into a lot of sea-related places. It was like Destiny wanted to make my hatred for running water relevant for a reason.

It never went well. I cannot swim and I'm just fit enough to survive a 2 hours walk (3 at my best). Water wanted me dead.

So when my meat shields friends and I had the task to capture a sea elf that, of course, dwelt underwater, I wasn't very happy. I had water breathing cast on me, that made it easier.

The day was a bit stormy, just a bit. We went underwater. My friends kept doing it well, but water wanted me dead, so I kept being pulled by the underwater currents again and again, and hitting the port's seawall all the time until I was almost knocked out.

In the end one of my friends had to carry me. What an embarrasement!

Finally we spotted our prey. She hadn't noticed us. I was already injured and not very confident about casting my spells underwater so I didn't want to have a fair fight but a fair win.

I told my friends I was going to take care of her by myself. They looked at me like I was insane but I looked confident for the first time since we had gone underwater. They let me do it.

So I cast Magic Jar and take over the sea elf's body without her even noticing us. I come close to us, tell them I am her now, and grab my own unconscious body. I am confident of being able to swim properly with an aquatic body and we start swimming to the shore.

But guess what? Water is EVIL. Even with an aquatic body I end hitting the seawall again... twice. I don't care a lot if my borrowed body is beaten to death even if we want to capture her alive, but I'm still carrying my own body!

Finally I made it to the shore, but I'm never doing that again.

My best advice to all of you is to avoid running water. If you are on fire roll until you put the fire down, but don't jump into running water. Remember: Water is EVIL and it wants you dead.

Grand Lodge

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"I can't drown. Naderi won't let me."

MidsouthGuy wrote:
Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Damn, leaving a kid in a cold moat overnight? I mean, not to start a paladin thread, but...damn, your GM has a very different reading of "Good" than I do. That paladin should not be allowed around kids, urchin or no! ;D

Did your paladin worship a god of crocodiles or water? Because if I was a god of crocodiles and/or water, and looking for a way to punish one of my ex-paladins...

Lawful Good does not always mean Lawful Nice

It does mean "Good", though. You just described child abuse. Do we stick teenaged shoplifters in solitary? DO we stick them in solitary overnight in cold moats? A paladin is supposed to be better than the abusive law enforcement that hangs children for pickpocketing, so saying, "Imagine how much worse the guards would have been," means nothing.

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If Paladins had left Stabbyface in moat, he would've hung them up by their entrails.

But they just teach Stabbyface how to reads, so he locks the doors and burns them down.

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Can we keep this thread free of alignment and paladins arguments? There are already a lot of that threads everywhere and they usually go nowhere.

Uhm... have I already told in this thread how I became by accident that dick GM who makes a paladin fall? Twice?

I should search for the thread where I originally posted it and copypaste it. GMs also do the darndest things.

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Yeah, let's not turn this into another paladin thread. Please.

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Sorry. That's my bad. >_>

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Maybe, if you'd said that in Reno, I wouldn't have had to dig all those holes in the desert!!

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As I promised, Players do the Darndest Things, GM edition: Kileanna Does the Darndest Things, and Dalindra suffers the consequences. If you prefer it shorter: Kileanna is a dick GM.

This is a reposting of an old post.


I feel guilty. I have to confess. I caused a paladin to fall. At level 1. In his prelude.

This player had been wanting to play a paladin for some time and finally he could. The character had a background related to another recurring character from previous campaigns: he was looking for his sister who was also a paladin and had disappeared some years ago during a battle. Nobody knew where she had gone but the dryads who were the messengers and chosen ones of his goddess asking him to go on a long trip away from his home to search her, as they sensed she was in danger and she needed to be saved.
He traveled for years, carrying the word of the goddess everywhere he went and helping the poor, the hungry and everybody who needed help. He was the kind of paladin who'd rather get eaten by goblin babies than harming them.
This was all in the character background. Then we started the prelude with him finally finding out that his sister was actually the leader of a demon worshipping cult who had been ravaging the world for many years (she always wore a full plate so nobody knew what was under her armor. Many people thought she was not even human... and she wasn't, she was half elven).
So the poor broken man went back to his hometown to tell the dryads that he had failed and it was too late for his sister.
And here is where I messed up.
«We already knew. We sensed it through our bound with the goddess»
«Then, if you knew why didn't you tell me?»
I improvised too much on this conversation and I started to make it worse and worse instead of fixing it.
I don't remember the exact words, but the dryads ended telling him:
«We needed you. We only wanted your sister to be ours again»
Not «be with us», not «be one of us».«Be ours». The paladin was horrified. Had he been an slave for his goddess or for the dryads all those years? Why did they send him in a nonsense search for his sister? Was he only a pawn for a tyrannic goddess?
I could have just stopped and tell him I just had messed up and correct my words. But I went on.
Finally the paladin was so angry that he attacked the dryad, attempting to kill her.
What could I do? She was a messenger for his goddess. I made him fall. And he interpretated that he was being rejected by his goddess because he had realized her true colors.
He was told to go away and don't come back.
Tomorrow I will tell how this continued and how the paladin finally ended becoming a pretty cool antipaladin, who the player enjoyed playing but wasn't what he had intended to play anyway.

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Kileanna is a dick GM, take two.


We left our poor fallen paladin exiled, without a cause and with nowhere to go. Here I was improvising everything as all I had planned for this character had been screwed up.

In this setting there were two separate worlds: the above level world, where rules and laws were very strict and deshumanizing; and the underground world, where the only rule was survival of the fittest. Most people from above never went underground as they wouldn't survive there. But the opposite was also true, as visitors from the underground were often caught in legal traps or punished for crimes they didn't even know.
There were some undead communities underground. Most undead were intelligent and not necessarily hostile even though they were of evil alignment. They mostly wanted to unlive in peace.
So our wandering paladin encountered an angry dark elf from the underground yelling to a police officer, telling him that his friend had been killed and asking him to do something about it. The paladin approached, wanting to help, and asked what was going on. The officer answered that he couldn't be of any help, as the man who had been killed was an undead, and undead didn't have legal rights.
The paladin was confused. All his life he had been told that undead were nothing but a mindless plague. But that elf actually cared for his undead friend. He was curious about it and asked many questions: «Was your friend intelligent?» «Why was he killed?»
The elf kindly answered all the questions and he ended thinking that undead were only different life forms that, for some reason, were oppressed an despised.
The worse part came when, trying to come to an aggreement, the officer said that he had found a way to punish the killer: as he had left the corpse in the street, he could sue him for throwing garbage illegally.
The paladin, who had always revered life, was completely mad at the officer. How could he be so disrespectful?
Realizing he actually he did know nothing about undead and life in the underground, he decided to go on a journey to understand this alternate life forms a bit better.
Long story short, he went underground on a self discovery trip, found an old shrine where a long lost zombie-god manifested to him, and he became his paladin, making a new oath to defend life in all its forms and to fight for equal rights for the undead.
He is now the leader of an army of undead, monsters and dark elves. But he still has a paladin's mind in a lot of ways. He is a great character, and his player loves him... But still it isn't exactly what he intended to play, I just messed everything up and I ended having to improvise the whole story for him.

The next time I'd be telling the story of an alternate reality where an alternate version of him... fell again!

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Kileanna, just stop doing it! Take three.


Back to that story, we were GMing a story arc where alternate realities were colliding, so we created alternatw versions of the PCs to see how they developed. In this reality, the paladin's sister never fell, so he never left his home.

So he was there when a god-demon attacked his hometown, where his goddess lived. The god-demon had his soul linked to a child because of a failed binding ritual, and it was the kid (who the demon carried with him) who was spurring the demon to attack.
The devastation was terrible. Many people were dying and the paladin couldn't protect them. There was nothing he could do.
Only trying to kill the child.
He failed in his attempt, as the demon protected him well, but this caught the demon's attention. He was delighted seeing a holy paladin trying to kill a kid. As a chaotic creature he lost a bit of interest on destroying the town (he wasn't forced to do it, he just took it from the kid's mind and it looked like a good idea) and started to be more interested on corrupting the paladin.
Having caught his attention, the paladin pleaded to the demon that he left and released the child.
The demon aggreed, having found a new entertainment. «I'll do. But only if you come with me»
Knowing that it was the only thing he could do to save the day he aggreed. And the demon took him to his realm.
He never forced him into servitude, he just released him in his realm, deprivated of his paladin powers, and delighted on seeing how he had to sacrifice more and more of his principles to stay alive.
It was even worse when he fell in love with a demon worshipper he met there, as he had to do even more sacrifices to protect her.
Once he asked the demon to let both of them go: «You can leave whenever you want, I asked you to come with me, but I never commanded you to stay. But I can't let her go»
So he refused to leave without her.
She wasn't exactly an evil person, but she was power hungry. One day she performed a ritual to steal some demonic powers which left her more dead than alive. The paladin pleaded to his goddess to return back to him so he could heal her, but she didn't answer. With his love dying on his hands he swore loyalty to the demon if he saved her life. The demon aggreed again and so was a new antipaladin created.
This version of him is a broken man, who hates everything he has become and the world who has forgotten him. He hates his demonic master but he is also grateful to him because he is the only one who answered his prayers in a time of need.

In fact, this character was actually a cleric and I forgot when I told the story, but that changes nothing.

Lawful Neutral vs. Chaotic Neutral in my party.

Party meets an NPC. They need an item from said NPC. NPC says she will give them item if they find out who is trying to kill her.

Party interrogates everyone, uncovers the assassin, restrains said assassin.

Assassin informs the party that the NPC is a totally evil Night Hag from Abaddon trying to set up a business selling enslaved souls, and that's why the assassin is trying to kill her. Assassin begs the party for help, and promises they can take whatever they want from the NPCs corpse.

CN Fighter not really ok with the whole enslaving thing, walks over and initiates combat with the NPC.

LN Slayer not really ok with breaking a deal they already made with the NPC, goes to coup de grace the assassin.

Rest of the party is very confused.

And still it's a better solution than infighting. At least, only NPCs were harmed in this case.

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Ahh, the 'kill 'em all and let the gods sort them out' method.

Exactly my thoughts.

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Actually the assassin survived.

Because the Fighter dropped the NPC before the Slayer dropped the assassin (his vorpal sword went snicker-snack), and with the NPC dead, there was no more deal to break.

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Well, it is nice to see that the slayer does not hold on tightly to his expectations. He must be Lawful Flexible.

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A fellow player in a game I was in was very anxious about always being stealthy and discrete.

We had our own houses at that point in the campaign. One night, as part of the introduction to the next adventure, an NPC (known and friendly to the party) was to approach one of the characters at home under cover of the night to ask for aid. The GM randomly decided at whose house the NPC would present himself. To add some urgency to the situation and to show that there was indeed a threat, the GM had the NPC be attacked right in front of the house, after having knocked at the door. The NPC called out for help and threw in some screams of pain for good measure. The GM emphasized that the player was very much aware who was at his door, and that he was in trouble.

A number of things to keep in mind: the party was level 8, the NPC an unlevelled commoner without any combat skills or equipment, and the GM wasn't the type to randomly screw over players to get his kicks.

The player, of course, decided he was going to help the hapless NPC. But wait, what if the attacker would notice the player's character? Better spend a few rounds equipping every last item that gives a bonus on stealth. Better not open the front door, the attacker will notice! The backdoor then, at the other side of the house. Oh no, what if this door creaks when opened? The attacker will surely hear! Let's oil the hinges just to be sure, and open the door slowly and carefully because you never know. Things are going fine so far, now let's sneak around to the front and surprise this attacker.

All of that was reasoned out loud by the player, without the slightest hint of irony or contrariness.

By the time the character was at the scene of the attack, the NPC had stopped screaming more than a minute ago. The attacker was gone. The new story didn't kick off with a request for aid, but as a murder mystery.

"Let's oil the hinges first" has become a recurring joke in my circle when we're faced with doors.

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Another story, from a long time ago. I was the DM here, in a AD&D 2nd game.

The characters needed to find a treant. Just any treant, not a specific one. They needed a few leaves to bring back to an NPC. No one had the faintest idea how to find a treant beyond the obvious "probably in the woods".

They managed to find an old woodsman, who was willing to help them for a few gold. The guy, a ranger, led them into the woods and after some wandering around, he picked up a trail. "Ahhh! These be treant tracks, no two ways about it, lads." They followed the tracks for a while, the ranger explaining how treants make the peculiar tracks by slipping their roots in and out of the ground as they move about.

Eventually, the old man stopped, a few feet short of a massive tree. "Huh, isn't that just the darndest thing, lads, the tracks just stop at this here tree." One player didn't get the joke. "What the... how? Did it fly away? Oh, I guess it climbed the tree. I'll go see if it's still up there." By this time everyone was howling with laughter and the clueless player got annoyed. "You find the damn thing then if you think you know better." He didn't get what was going on until the tree asked them to be quiet.

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Those two were hilarious!
The first one made me think of the Deadpool trailer with the phone box (I cannot link it as I am not on a WiFi now).

The second made me remember of a treant in my WotW campaign who rolled a nat 1 on stealth and the PCs found in the middle of the road looking directly at them while obviously trying to fake to be a tree.

It could only be a better disguise if he had said: «don't look at me, I am just a tree».

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"Let's oil the hinges first". LOL

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Chyrone wrote:

During a con last weekend.

The team was trying to impress a few bidders at an auction, get some influence.
** spoiler omitted **

One of the NPC was into the other planes, and so knowledge of them or showing summoning skill would impress.

After discovering this, we decide to buy a scroll of SM I, using the loot we found on the bandits.

Found: AKA obtained via some 'persuasive' talking.
GM's head hangs at this, laughing and congratulating us on the improv.

Not a one-up, but in the same scenario, playing it at PaizoCon last year, we had someone come up with an AMAZING idea to impress all the bidders...

They came up with an idea to Planar bind a Monadic Deva to prove 'just how good' they were with the planes stuff, and to impress Vayde.

...One UMD roll later in significant success range the GM looks up at us, and goes, "Um, yeah, this goes completely out of the bounds of the scenario, I'm going to see if I can find the author to get his input on this, since he's here at the convention and there's this backstory thing..."

Since we were really doing well on time and having fun, we let the GM head on off for a few. He couldn't find the author, as they'd gone to bed, but they did find the editor, who came over, looked at our table, and said "Oh, it's THEM" (or something to that extent), and then laughed a bit and told the GM to 'go wild'.

Part of Vayde's backstory is that he really isn't a... shall we say, 'nice' person. And part of how the party that had done the Binding had negotiated with the Deva was by insisting that it was doing things 'For the Cause of Good'.

Devas have a property that shuts down all magic around them. This shut down everything Vayde had. (CR 12 entity in a L1-5 scenario). Vayde quickly became a splatter. We were lucky (because the GM was having way too much fun with it) to not get kicked out of the bidding.

HOWEVER, the torture was just beginning for the party.

Part of the bidding process is preventing Myrosype from winning certain bids or all of the bids... and I was the first to realize that... we had eliminated one of the bidders who could bid against her... AND she was using that to prove that 'SEE! IF YOU SIDE WITH THEM OR TALK TO THEM, YOU'LL DIE JUST LIKE VAYDE!'

We *barely* pulled it off, and it came down to our newest player leaning on one of the bidders while my rogue pulled out his lockpicking tools and started making mentions about how 'Uncle Guaril' would be 'so horribly disappointed' if 'he didn't come through for the Exchange'...

The Usual Suspect wrote:
Never tell me that evil characters can't work with paladins. Just don't stand in front of them when they are detecting evil.

My current character in a friend's game is a Lawful Evil Priest(actually a wizard) of Mystra. I'm 80% certain they don't know he's a wizard, but he's quite polite and allows the paladin(a lady) to go first.

He did have one more where he blew up at the paladin though. She has the Chisen One archetype so she had a familiar. A Lyrakein Azata. We trigger a trap that summons a CR appropriate Kyton and the fight begins. She has her familiar try to confuse it. The Kyton recognizes the Lyrakein's significance(as it flew out of the Paladin's backpack) and began focusing on it because it liked torture.

Not surprisingly, the player was shocked and upset her familiar was getting targeted.

My wizard, Gringoire? He can't have a familiar or a bonded item. His archetype replaces Arcane Bond. He still understands what those things are though and was well versed in religion. He knew that sometimes people don't answer the call of a Diety on their own and need a little help.

He was also jealous because in order to even work magic his adoptive family had to create a new kind.

So, upon seeing this torture demon attacking the Lyrakein, he chewed out the paladin and told her point blank "to keep her divine nursemaid in the backpack until it's time for religious lessons!"

It's the only time in the game so far I've roleplayed him getting angry and I know it shocked people.

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All you need is a plate of lead just hold it up whenever the detect evil comes your way. works for halfling rangers anyways.

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I was picturing an antipaladin dressed in a lead full plate:
«I can barely move but at least I'm safe from smiting»

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However he will die from lead poisoning unfortunately for him.

«Damn! I thought I was immune to it! I should have studied more and learn the difference between poison and disease.»

I'd suggest getting a permanent non-detection cast on you, or an amulet of proof against detection and location.

Silver Crusade

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Vidmaster7 wrote:
All you need is a plate of lead just hold it up whenever the detect evil comes your way. works for halfling rangers anyways.

Beat me to it.

I just love the STOP OPPRESSING ME!

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Help!...Help!...I am being alignment oppressed!

How can you tell he's evil?

Easy, he is the only one not covered in s**t!

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Asked for permission from Just your average clone to post this here, as I found it perfect for this thread:

Just your average clone wrote:
Kileanna wrote:

That actually reminds me of a player in a shattered star game I was playing in. He practically refused combat against our EVIL enemies, despite being CG, and would randomly attack party members 'Cuz it's funny!'. He insisted that his character (a half-orc gunslinger) be called 'Pinhead' whenever someone interacted with him. His laugh sounded like that screaming goat video. I am not exaggerating when I say that. He died after he gave a fisherman 50 gp to sail him to an island, realized that the fisherman now had 50 gp on him, and wanted to kill him for the money. He pushed the man off of the boat, realized that his money was still on the fisherman, jumped in after him with no ranks in swim, and drowned. The funniest part was that he blamed the GM for his death.

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O_o That is the most absurd thing I think I have ever read.

I know. When I read it I knew it belonged here.

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A 'Pinhead' indeed! ^^

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Just going to leave this in a spoilers tag because of Rise of the Runelords content.

We had a new player in the group. She had lots of PC gaming experience, but it was her first tabletop RPG. Her PC Lorelei Noelle was a rogue 3/druid 4 despite my best efforts to persuade her to try a less mechanically complex character for her first time out.

Not long after Lorelei Noelle joined the group, they encountered Black Magga. Those who've read or played the adventure know that Black Magga is a creepy sort of cross between a plesiosaur and an octopus with eyes on its tentacles, and that she's waaaaay over-powered for the party at that level. After a couple of rounds of completely failing to do any damage to Black Magga at all, the rest of the party switched focus to rescuing civilians from the chapel of Erastil that Black Magga was tearing apart.

But not Lorelei Noelle! She decided to try wild empathy. So while the rest of the party were rescuing people, Lorelei held out her arms and let the warmth of universal empathy seep out of her like some kind of druid-rogue St. Francis of Assisi, bending all her will on calming the terrible beast.

Black Magga popped up tentacles, peering at this foolish mortal in multiple dimensions. As an outsider with an intelligence of 25, she was frankly insulted to be taken for a mere beast. And so, she used her Dominate Person ability on Lorelei and left her with the command lay waste to the works of man ringing in her skull.

After they were done rescuing people, the rest of the party rounded up Lorelei, who had found an axe and gone all The Shining on the hut of some poor, terrified villagers.

Hey we (non-evil) druids love all living things, alas, some of them don't seem to love us back.

That said, kudos for a great response by Black Magga, a cookie and a +1 for you sir!

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