The Monkey's Treefort


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From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!


I don't know where the nausea comes from, but now, I'm getting indigestion from something as bland as un-flavored cooked Ramen Noodles. I'm taking Alka Seltzer chewables as if they were candy. Yeah. Medically, I'm a mess.


The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sorry to hear that John. I hope I'll still see you at GASP down the road...

So now today I can honestly say, I'm VERY happy I can stay up late AND still get a decent night's sleep...if only because I can sleep in past 6 am...7 might be pushing it...


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thanks, Tom. I'll continue to game as long as I can. Let me know when you're coming beforehand.


If I am coming to a GASP or even GASPCON, trust me, you'll be the first I tell.


John, can the tumor not be removed with surgery?


It can, once my employer decides to stop screwing me.

Spoiler:
They slapped Life Insurance onto Vision and Dental and called it "adequate." They're taking out what I think is Health Insurance, but they say I'm not covered. In short, I'm being stolen from.


Yes you are. I'd have someone look into that.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
John Napier 698 wrote:
The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(

While I won't go into the specifics, Missus Turin and I reached a similar conclusion when it comes to "contributing to the gene pool". i.e., we won't be.


Turin the Mad wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(
While I won't go into the specifics, Missus Turin and I reached a similar conclusion when it comes to "contributing to the gene pool". i.e., we won't be.

It wouldn't have something to do with the "Mad" part, would it?


Drejk wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(
While I won't go into the specifics, Missus Turin and I reached a similar conclusion when it comes to "contributing to the gene pool". i.e., we won't be.
It wouldn't have something to do with the "Mad" part, would it?

Not to my knowledge ...

Odds are likely that inherited genetic damage incurred from exposure to certain still-classified elements from the southwestern geographical region of the continental United States intermixed with a potpourri of highly undesirable garbage that the decisive majority of Turin's Tadpoles would assault any unfortunate egg with would result in semi-Lovecraftian horrors best left never conceived.

OTOH, if said spawnlings rolled very well, they'd be quite impressive. The odds are all in favor of the trashy end of the genetic House. That is not a tiger we would care to tangle with.

;)


Too late for me, already two junior captains running around, although I try not to hand down my jeans to them.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
Turin the Mad wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(
While I won't go into the specifics, Missus Turin and I reached a similar conclusion when it comes to "contributing to the gene pool". i.e., we won't be.
It wouldn't have something to do with the "Mad" part, would it?

Not to my knowledge ...

Odds are likely that inherited genetic damage incurred from exposure to certain still-classified elements from the southwestern geographical region of the continental United States intermixed with a potpourri of highly undesirable garbage that the decisive majority of Turin's Tadpoles would assault any unfortunate egg with would result in semi-Lovecraftian horrors best left never conceived.

OTOH, if said spawnlings rolled very well, they'd be quite impressive. The odds are all in favor of the trashy end of the genetic House. That is not a tiger we would care to tangle with.

;)

I'll wrestle a tiger for my kids, or more likely, because of them.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
captain yesterday wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Turin the Mad wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:
The Mad Comrade wrote:
John Napier 698 wrote:

From June of Last year. I gradually began getting double vision until one day it became very noticeable. I thought I had some sort of stroke, and all my friends begged me to go to the hospital. Once I got there, a CT scan and an MRI told the doctors that I had a Pituitary Macro-adenoma. And, it's growing sideways, putting pressure on the nerves behind my right eye. That's what's giving me the double vision, and the headaches when the air pressure drops.

But that's not all. I've also got Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, a Thyroid deficiency, and a low Testosterone score. When I was born, I was given a set of defective genes. I want a refund.

Your player rolled ... poorly.

Best of luck to you!

Thanks, MC. Good thing I now longer desire to be a Father. My maladies aren't anything I'd wish on my offspring. It seems that my father's branch of the family tree dies with me. :(
While I won't go into the specifics, Missus Turin and I reached a similar conclusion when it comes to "contributing to the gene pool". i.e., we won't be.
It wouldn't have something to do with the "Mad" part, would it?

Not to my knowledge ...

Odds are likely that inherited genetic damage incurred from exposure to certain still-classified elements from the southwestern geographical region of the continental United States intermixed with a potpourri of highly undesirable garbage that the decisive majority of Turin's Tadpoles would assault any unfortunate egg with would result in semi-Lovecraftian horrors best left never conceived.

OTOH, if said spawnlings rolled very well, they'd be quite impressive. The odds are all in favor of the trashy end of the genetic House. That is not a tiger we would care to tangle with.

;)

I'll wrestle a tiger for my kids, or more likely, because of them.

Were we to have children, I would be right there with you.

Others' kids I'm generally inclined towards the Protective Uncle route. Missus Turin tells me I have a calming effect/aura. I don't get it, but she insists that it is real enough. :)

We don't have kids of our own. Before the year is out this will no longer be an option barring immaculate conception of either the sacred or profane variety.


1 person marked this as a favorite.

You want immaculate conception! Mail me check tomorrow and I'll send the stork with baby next week!


"Doctor" Victor Moriarty, M.D. wrote:
You want immaculate conception! Mail me check tomorrow and I'll send the stork with baby next week!

Heh.

First thing I'd check is beneath the spawn's hair ... ;)


I'm tired and not feeling well. Good night, everyone. See you Monday.


I dunno about my genetic gene pool stuff...but I think it's more a matter of "Could such a woman be ready to handle me and then future offspring?" more than the whole "There might be huge physical, developmental and other problems for offspring."

Also fighting Lovecraftian horrors is like the third thing on list of things Paladins of Torm fight.


Meh. Already into the grandparent phase of genetic propagation. Monkey DNA FTW! Barring catastrophe my little chromosomes will be set into the 22nd Century, at which time I expect the randomness of the process to be gone.

I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.


Isn't that the plot of Age Of Ultron.


Ya know, I saw "Age of Ultron" but can't remember anything about it.


All I remember is "Ultron should have more back ups and probably won. Also not sure why we needed to mix the Birth of Ultron, the creation of Vision and the introduction of the Maximoff twins in the same movie."


1 person marked this as a favorite.

You can thank Fiege / Disney / Marvel for forcing that massive series of shoehorns to 'work' in Age of Ultron.


Well I mostly thank Feige since he was in charge of that...


Thomas Seitz wrote:
All I remember is "Ultron should have more back ups and probably won. Also not sure why we needed to mix the Birth of Ultron, the creation of Vision and the introduction of the Maximoff twins in the same movie."

Ah, now I remember. Thanks. If I forget something that recent that I do remember enjoying I'm kinda glad I missed "Infinity Wars: Part 1". I'd hate to have enjoyed something that big then forgotten about it.

Shadow Lodge

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Add me and my SO to the list of people voluntarily removing our content from the gene pool. I've got a fairly sizable list of minor issues that run in our family, including a vast array of allergies, some cancer tendencies, a few unfortunate mental patterns, and a few other issues; her family has a very very strong autistic streak (with multiple people on the Asperger's end of the spectrum and at least one so heavily on the deeper end that he's never going to be self-sufficient) as well as her own array of allergies and other mental challenges.

It admittedly also helps that we're both ace, but even if we weren't, we'd agreed long long ago that reproduction was off the table.

Dark Archive

Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.

This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.


Ode to Atemisia vs Themistocles - Breath Of Life


Florence + The Machine - No Light, No Light


Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.

Stuff and nonsense.


Dump stat saves, of course :/: 1d20 ⇒ 91d20 ⇒ 12


1 person marked this as a favorite.

Necromimic. A more powerful strain of mimics that hide in tombs and catacombs.

Silver Crusade

2 people marked this as a favorite.
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.

I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.


5 people marked this as a favorite.

I, OTOH, am disappointed.


Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.

I watched the miracle of life a bazillion times as a kid.

I kept trying to identify which sperm became the baby.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Treppa wrote:
I, OTOH, am disappointed.

Worry not, I will post a cartoon of people biologically procreating later. Best of both worlds.


2 people marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.

They have that! On the internet!!

Silver Crusade

1 person marked this as a favorite.
captain yesterday wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.
They have that! On the internet!!

I thought the Internet was just for edition wars and pictures of cats.


4 people marked this as a favorite.

Love you guys.


4 people marked this as a favorite.
Celestial Healer wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.
They have that! On the internet!!
I thought the Internet was just for edition wars and pictures of cats.

Main function of internet...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Drejk wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.
They have that! On the internet!!
I thought the Internet was just for edition wars and pictures of cats.
Main function of internet...

Ah, a true classic! ;)


It is a classic.

Almost like the classic of the PCs yelling at the paladin even though he didn't do anything extremely bone headed.


Vingorg wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
captain yesterday wrote:
Celestial Healer wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.
I am glad you linked to a cartoon, and not a video of people biologically procreating.
They have that! On the internet!!
I thought the Internet was just for edition wars and pictures of cats.
Main function of internet...
Ah, a true classic! ;)

I prefer the WoW version

Dark Archive

Freehold DM wrote:
Orthos, Post-Singularity wrote:
Patrick Curtin wrote:
I hoping there is a digital copy of me still extant as well in the 22C. I’m rather sanguine about the thought, I think it would be fun to have a bunch of digital monkeys ooking around the Internet.
This is certainly the superior option to the messy biological alternatives.
Stuff and nonsense.

Oh you.

Silver Crusade

4 people marked this as a favorite.

It is done.

It was not for the faint of heart. I have seen things no man should ever see. No doubt the visions of those horrors will stay with me for years to come.

But I endured the foulness and emerged victorious.

The fridge has been cleaned out.


4 people marked this as a favorite.

Lord have mercy on your soul.


3 people marked this as a favorite.
Celestial Healer wrote:

It is done.

It was not for the faint of heart. I have seen things no man should ever see. No doubt the visions of those horrors will stay with me for years to come.

But I endured the foulness and emerged victorious.

The fridge has been cleaned out.

All the while listening to "Livin' in the fridge" by Weird Al.


5 people marked this as a favorite.

*frantically scribbles down new adventure idea involving cold environments and many varieties of slime molds*

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