The Stay-At-Home Wizard (and the Breadwinning Familiar)


Advice


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So, we've all heard that one about the wizard:

Quote:

"Knock knock"

"Don't disturb me, you magically illiterate imbecile!"

Yes, our stereotypical wizard friend values his library time (and his fair complexion stands up poorly to natural sunlight.) Yet still, he needs to make a living somehow, and the life of a murderhobo has pay that's hard to beat these days. So let's see if we can coddle him, shall we?

Let's give our friend a Glove of Familiar's Touch, and a permanent telepathic bond to his familiar. Now, he can perform all manner of murderation and murder-facilitation from the comforts of his own kitchen, in his pajamas, while his tea is steeping.

"But isn't sending your familiar into melee the first step in making familiar tartare?" you might ask: which is why our friend has chosen a familiar that won't stay dead for long. But still, to avoid too many unfortunate bouts of greatsword-induced sleepiness brought on by opportunity attacks, we can have it do some stretching to give it reach.

It takes some gold, limits you to touch and personal spells, and eats a few feats. But, isn't it worth it to enjoy your crumpets in peace? So which touch spells are best? Are there better classes than wizard for this idea? What (preferably slotless) items could enhance the familiar's powers to put it on-par with an in-person PC?


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Spirit Binder improves your familiar markedly, as would Beast-bonded witch.


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Beast Bonded witch lets you give your familiar your feats.

Then use a Crown, Cat's Eye to see through were the familiar is.

Then later if you get your familiar to be able to say your name then use a Bracelet of Friendship to have your familiar teleport you to them or them to you.


Oh man, those archetypes are EXCELLENT. Feats are a game-changer - I'm thinking that going for Spring Attack is a good option. The familiar could get it by 9th level with the Beast-Bonded Witch, or by 10th level with the Spirit Binder Wizard.

After reading the witch touch spells, there are a lot of really nasty ones in there! I am tempted to make a LE witch with an augur kyton, dishing out hellish treats like:

1: Chill Touch
2: Aboleth's Lung, Disfiguring Touch, Touch of Bloodletting, Touch of Idiocy, Vomit Swarm
3: Bestow Curse, Excruciating Deformation, Call the Void, Vampiric Touch
4: Fleshworm Infestation, Touch of Slime, Spite, Poison
5: Blood Boil, Wreath of Blades
6: Slay Living, Lash of the Astradaemon
7: Harm, Plane Shift
8: Frightful Aspect

Any other good feats besides the Spring Attack line that I'm missing? (An arbiter has Flyby Attack already so Spring Attack is less necessary if you're going that route.)


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Lunging Spell Touch could be very useful, and is quite easy for your familiar to qualify for. Lunge stacked onto it would make things even more fun, although it would have to wait until twelfth level (except for Spirit Binders, whose familiars can get it at level six.

A wizard hook is a cheap way to boost your familiar's attack rolls.

Oh, and about a couple of familiar metamagic rods once you can afford them?


I don't think it is possible to make a familiar where the familiar alone is better than the familiar and the wizard together. Even with the options above to make this as strong as possible, it is simply quite a bit weaker than actually building a wizard that gets off his rear end and does his job.

In a group where everyone else was terribly unoptimized it might be a valid option to purposefully nerf yourself, in any other situation I would think you would be a drag on the group. If I was in such a party, I'd be voting to kick you out and convince a wizard that was actually willing to do the job to join us.


Once your wizard is capable of casting Possession, this is really handy. Go into battle with your familiar and a borrowed body. Any time you "die", cast Possession to rejoin the battle with whatever low-will meatshield is on hand. Probably best done with a Psychic Bloodline Tattooed Sorcerer or Blooded Arcanist with the same bloodline, since that means not needing to worry about what kind of armor you wind up in as far as your spells are concerned.


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Dave Justus wrote:
I don't think it is possible to make a familiar where the familiar alone is better than the familiar and the wizard together. Even with the options above to make this as strong as possible, it is simply quite a bit weaker than actually building a wizard that gets off his rear end and does his job.

Of course it isn't. But that's not the point!

Dave Justus wrote:
In a group where everyone else was terribly unoptimized it might be a valid option to purposefully nerf yourself, in any other situation I would think you would be a drag on the group. If I was in such a party, I'd be voting to kick you out and convince a wizard that was actually willing to do the job to join us.

Unless you're in THIS party!


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Now, if you want to take this one more step...

Quote:
"This man is only the assistant!"

you can keep your familiar permanently in the form of a human, and then give your familiar its own familiar. The party never needs to know that the actual wizard isn't even there.


Is there a way to make Discern Location permanent, or just castable by someone who can't normally cast it. AKA someone who doesn't have it on there spell list or can't cast spells. Then you could easily have an item on the familiar that lets you know exactly were he is. Yes I know you can just cast it as a wizard, but I also want to know for an idea I have. Also this way you would always were they are.


RumpinRufus wrote:

Now, if you want to take this one more step...

Quote:
"This man is only the assistant!"
you can keep your familiar permanently in the form of a human, and then give your familiar its own familiar. The party never needs to know that the actual wizard isn't even there.

The hat is pretty terrible for staying human permanently, since people will notice you saying the command word every three minutes.


QuidEst wrote:


The hat is pretty terrible for staying human permanently, since people will notice you saying the command word every three minutes.

Just make the command word something like 'hmm' or another common, meaningless noise. There's no downside to it going off inadvertently, is there? It just remains active.


Artifix wrote:
Is there a way to make Discern Location permanent, or just castable by someone who can't normally cast it. AKA someone who doesn't have it on there spell list or can't cast spells. Then you could easily have an item on the familiar that lets you know exactly were he is. Yes I know you can just cast it as a wizard, but I also want to know for an idea I have. Also this way you would always were they are.

There is Status.


Ioun stones are obvious magic items to give a familiar, especially one pretending to be a wizard.

Also, you know that the Scar hex lets a witch use their hexes (including beneficial ones) on the target up to a mile away, and the Soothsayer lets them be pre-cast? No use if the familiar's in a different country but for adventures in the same city or something it's doable.


RumpinRufus wrote:
Artifix wrote:
Is there a way to make Discern Location permanent, or just castable by someone who can't normally cast it. AKA someone who doesn't have it on there spell list or can't cast spells. Then you could easily have an item on the familiar that lets you know exactly were he is. Yes I know you can just cast it as a wizard, but I also want to know for an idea I have. Also this way you would always were they are.
There is Status.

But what of a way to make it permanent?


Set of Dungeon Rings. Jailers ring on wizard, Prisoner's Ring on familiar.


Could one possibly make a Spirit Binder's familiar an Improved Familiar?

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