1001 Important House Rules


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297. Authoritative Film cannot deny this rule

299. Excessive Elvish Nationality and Racism will no longer be tolerated

300. A person cannot play the Imperial March upon entering their gateroom without at least 12 Anti-Paladin levels

301. Muppets are no longer a valid companion type

302. Mentioning either of the US Presidential primaries forces an immediate damage roll of 1d20 against their character

303. Repeated mentions of the current political situation will summon a Terrasque

304. 'Trump' is not a valid word in any Golarian language

305. 'Drumpf' is an acceptable Drow surname

306. Bringing real armor and weapons to the table will incur a +1 base attack bonus (Badass)


306a.) No, Dave, a butterknife doesn't count. Put that down before you hurt yourself.

306b.) Neither does a bike helmet.

307.) If you see a Dire Rodent of Unusual Size... run.


307a.)Guinea Pigs may not count, unless they are going to knock you off of a bridge.
Take it to The Bridge.


308.) Dire Pandas are terribly violent, but only towards bamboo.


309.) Threads never truly die. They just go to sleep for a while.

309a.) I am, of course, talking about fashion.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

310. Threads can die, but when dead, they grant any creature within 10ft. of them the use of True Resurrection as a spell like ability, but only to revive the thread.


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311.) If you encounter a Thread Necromancer, just run.

312.) "Pew pew!!!" is an acceptable verbal component for any ray spell that a spellcaster casts.

313.) Any player who wants to play a Mesmerist must hypnotize the GM first.


314.)If players can use magic cards, so can the GM. The limit of one artifact per character still applies. Chub Toads are CR1, but having the GM play the goblin with a lit powder keg on their back as a wandering monster might make you reconsider.

Shadow Lodge

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Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

315.) Any player who wants to play a Brawler must buy the GM a boxset of Bruce Lee movies.

316.) Any player who wants to take the Sacred Geometry feat must give the GM their credit card number.


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316a.) They must also have won the Noble Physics Prize.

317.) Smalll mediums are not allowed to commit crimes.


317B.) IE no small mediums at large. :)

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

317c.) Large mediums are free to commit as many crimes as they please.


318) The GM is above the law.


319.) Skeletons must be both spooky and scary.

320.) If you find a way to master time travel, you are allowed to date your past self or you future self.

321.) Once per day, PCs must take 10 seconds to count backwards.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

321b.) PCs must count backwards to -30 or take 1d12+18 points of sonic damage from a screaming voice in the back of their heads


322.) The Tarrasque's vision is based on movement. If you stay totally still during an encounter with it, you'll be okay!


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323. The GM must maintain an entirely straight face while the players discuss Rule #322.

Shadow Lodge

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Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

323b> Playes must discuss Rule #332 while high on helium


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324: If a player draws from the Deck of Many Things, any other player has the option to knock some sense into them.

325: If a player draws five or more cards from the Deck of Many Things and nothing bad has happened, the other players are obliged to by the drawer a drink.

326: If a player draws seven or more cards from the Deck of Many Things and nothing bad has happened, the other players may search the drawer's room for remains of human sacrifice.


327:If the Tarrasque steps on your not moving character by accident, then you dead character is still ok. They could become some kind of undead that doesn't know it's dead.

327B: Their exceptional faith may get them into Heaven, which is very ok.

Silver Crusade

328. Party leadership is not necessarily based on seniority. Especially not at hot dog eating contests.


329. "Shoanti Horse Laxatives" will be added to the Craft: Alchemy production list.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

330.) All drinkable items made using Craft (Alchemy) have a 25% chance of causing hallucinations that last the entire rest of the day and act as a constant Confusion effect. The GM must describe all hallucinations as they occur.


331.) Every police officer/town guard/sentinel on the wall is required to have donuts as their favorite food. No exceptions.

332.) To work in a flying hospital, healers must take the Hippogriffcratic Oath.

333.) Only once you are halfway down the the road to the lower planes is your bard allowed to sing "Highway to Hell."


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335.) A bard of 19th level or higher can open a gate to the lawful evil alignment planes by signing "Highway to Hell", or the lawful good plane by signing "Stairway to Heaven".


334.) Bardic performance can dance if it wants to.
334a.) It can leave its friends behind.

336.) If your character does not know what love is, no one can hurt him no more.

Scarab Sages

337.) A bard of 15th level or higher can bring Good-aligned characters back from the dead by singing "Heaven Is A Place On Earth."

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

337b.) Singing "Heaven Is A Place On Earth" requires a skill bonus of atleast +40 in Perform (Karoeke)


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338.) You can play a Cleric or Paladin of Aroden only if you have a Bernie Sanders campaign button or T-shirt.


339.) You can play a Cleric or Antipaladin of Uragthoa only after eating every single kind of food that exists.

340.) Kamqats are never a good omen.


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341.) Creatures with damage resistance now suffer additional damage from any weapon that bypasses that resistance, equal to the resistance. Thus a werewolf with DR 1/silver suffer an additional point of damage from silvered weapons. They suffer 1 point subdual from the touch of silver on their skin. This does apply to PC lycanthropes.


342.) All players are required to know what the terms in their abilities mean if they want to use the ability that it is included in, otherwise it has the opposite effect. For example, DR is Damage Reduction.


342B.)Unless the actual definition makes no sense. With damage reduction, they take the damage and then it is removed. Thus if a stone golem has taken full damage it crumbles and you cannot put the hit point back.:p


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343.) DR now stands for Danger Ricotta.

343a.) Cheese is now the enemy of all adventurers.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber
Ventnor wrote:

343.) DR now stands for Danger Ricotta.

343a.) Cheese is now the enemy of all adventurers.

343b.) Unless you are from Wisconsin - then it provides healing.

344.) During the month of November mustaches provide a natural AC bonus and bonus to Fort Saves versus Disease. Men must actually grow a mustache while women can make do with fake ones.

Liberty's Edge

345.) All Bombs and fireballs deal double damage on the 5th of November.


344B.) Female dwarves can have mustaches and beards.:)


139. The number '139' is a powerful occult symbol signifying both the repetition of patterns and the violation of them.

Scarab Sages

346.) NO SMOKING - of anyBODY, of anyTHING, or of anyBODY's anyTHING!


347.) Please put out any burning orcs. Only you can prevent dungeon fires.


348.) No one, under any circumstances, likes boiled goose.

349.) You gain a +2 bonus to diplomacy if both you and the person you are trying to influence are wearing fingerless gloves.

350.) A boombox is not a toy.

350a.) Never, ever hit the turbo bass.


351.) If you say turbo bass, and someone makes a fish pun, the jokes on you.(Goes Turbo Bass fishing)

Scarab Sages

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352.) The following abilities are acceptable substitutes for Charisma on the corresponding types of Perform skill:

Act - Intelligence
Dance - Dexterity
Keyboard - Dexterity, Intelligence
Percussion - Strength, Dexterity
Stringed - Dexterity, Wisdom
Wind - Wisdom, Constitution
Oratory - Wisdom
Sing - Constitution
Comedy - Intelligence, Constitution


"you forgot Mime!",(Dives for cover).


353.) Always forget mimes.


354. Your angle of play is proportional to your min/max stats.

For example: if you play a simple, reasonable wizard, you get to sit on your rear end. But if your monk can destroy everything in the entire module without breaking a sweat, you have to play while doing a handstand the entire game.


355. Use your animals wisely:

Dogs are natural role players. You can dress up your dogs in LARP costumes and have them engage with all the other players.

Cats, cats will kill you. Thus they are natural Dungeon Masters. If you are actively trying to kill your players' characters, then have your cat co-DM; but be aware that the cat will not accept a position below you. Therefore, all of the cat's decisions are final and there will be no arbitration. Do not dress them up. In fact, avoid cats.


356.) When in doubt, fireball.

139.) The number '139' is a powerful occult symbol signifying both the repetition of patterns and the violation of them.

357.) Giving your allies a thumbs-up is a valid way to use Inspire Competence.


358) Zoidberg is, now and forever, the popular one.
359) Any time you use a mounted charge, you must play the Mario Kart theme.
360) Whenever there is a creature affected by True Strike, the Kirby star music must play for the duration of the effect.
361) Players with an Aberrant Tumor must use the plural first person when speaking in character. Failure to comply is punishable by being beaten to death with rulebooks.
362) Any character affected by levitate must speak, in and out of character, with helium.


JTDV wrote:

355. Use your animals wisely:

Dogs are natural role players. You can dress up your dogs in LARP costumes and have them engage with all the other players.

Cats, cats will kill you. Thus they are natural Dungeon Masters. If you are actively trying to kill your players' characters, then have your cat co-DM; but be aware that the cat will not accept a position below you. Therefore, all of the cat's decisions are final and there will be no arbitration. Do not dress them up. In fact, avoid cats.

355B.If the GM likes cats, then a cat is allowed to jump on the table an lie down on top of the figures. The cat probably wants to be picked up or otherwise played with. Further, cats are treated as godlike monsters who cannot be harmed by anything in game. They can run off with a figure, removing them from play till the figure can be retrieved.

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