1001 Important House Rules


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Scarab Sages

78. Any player who shows up wearing a bicorne to their first game gets a free +1 to their BAB for their first character.


79. Anyone who shows up wearing a hat they're insisting is a "trilby" has to leave.
80. Anybody who chooses to play a "Chaotic Neutral" character—with quotes—must accept Threw It On The Ground as their theme song.


81.) Every True Neutral character is permanently paralyzed, so that there is no chance for them to perform either good or evil actions.

Dark Archive

82. Dice rolls landing on the floor may only be accepted if the player then licks the floor clean afterward. If they are too sick to game next week, they gain a negative level.


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83. For all intents and purposes related to the game rules, all characters everywhere are treated as being True Neutral by the game, regardless of how they act or think. There, now you can stop arguing about how to interpret the alignment rules and just get on with playing the game with complex, deep characters.


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83b.) Anyone who actually attempts to play a complex, deep character will be exiled via catapult.

84.) Every player who plays a Slayer Character must indicate a heavy metal song that is their character's theme song.

84b.) This also applies to Skalds.

85.) To cast a spell in game, you must present the actual material component for that spell at the table. I hope you live near caves where bats live!

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

86. Anyone planning to play a Swashbuckler must buy the GM a box-set of Errol Flynn movies.

87. Anyone planning to play an Antipaladin must have been arrested multiple times on counts of murder.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Companion Subscriber

88. Anyone planning to play a Cleric of Cayden Caliean must buy drinks for the whole group before and after every game or lose their powers.


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89.) Anyone planning to play a Cleric of Groetus must demonstrate an in-depth knowledge of Linkin Park songs.

89b.) That player will then be exiled via catapult.

Scarab Sages

90. In order to play a Shaman, you must have had at least one experience with peyote, ibogaine, and/or psilocybin.


91. Anyone who suggests solving the martial spellcaster disparity by targeting familiars should have all their characters polymorphed into trolls till they admit their error.

Scarab Sages

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92. Anyone playing a Cleric of Desna must wear giant butterfly wings to the game.


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93.) Any character wanting to wield a katana must describe how it is made of glorious Nippon steel folded 1000 times every time it is drawn.

94.) It is perfectly acceptable to make machinegun sounds whenever your Ranger makes a full attack with her bow.

95.) Full-and-a-half plate is not an actual kind of armor.


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95) Gunslingers are required to bring Nerf replicas, wear a duster, have at least 1 rodeo buckle, and speak half in John Wayne quotes.


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96. Anyone casting any sort of summoning spell has to utter the verbal component, "Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there."


97.If the rules do not forbid it, they encourage it. :)


98. He who breaks the law goes back to the House of Pain.


99. If they want to go back to the house of pain, they get to help run it.

Scarab Sages

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100. Infernal-blooded Sorcerers receive 1000 bonus starting gold and Skill Focus (Appraise) as a bonus feat because they are "a man/woman of wealth and taste."


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100b.) They only receive their starting bonuses if they politely introduce themselves as such.

101.) Gnomes must always tip 3.1415 percent, without exception.

102.) Asmodeus will no longer accept first-born children in return for evil magical powers. He has too many of them as it is.

Scarab Sages

103. Gozreh, however, is now accepting first-born children in return for neutral magical powers. Times are tough.

104. Cayden Cailean will accept gifts of gold, silver, and tales of adventure in return for good magical powers...but you only rent Cayden's magic, really.


105.) If you want to play a halfling character, you must refuse to wear shoes, both in and out of game, for the duration of the campaign.

106.) If an ancient unkillable ghost demon asks you if you are a god, you say "Yes."

107.) Vampires cannot cross running water, cannot enter a home without an invitation, and cannot walk in sunlight without being disintegrated.

107b.) Except when they can.


107c.)Even if less than 5% vampire they are still called Daywalkers.


107d.) Vampires NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER sparkle. Even if you glue glitter to them. Gluing glitter to a vampire is grounds for banishment.


107e.) Any vampire with an Eastern European Accent must possess no fewer than 3 mansions.

108.) It's Frankenstein's Monster, not Frankenstein, dang it!

109.) You don't need to add the Dire Template to Werewolves. They're already scary enough as it is.


110.) Half Dragon trolls are completely legitimate. Stop whining you weaklings.


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111: DMs presenting opponents with more than two half-(X) templates shall be stuffed into a burlap sack and beaten with tire irons until they stop wriggling.


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112.) When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore. Not any other time.

113.) Pudding shall not be consumed until all the meat is eaten.

114.) After casting a Delayed Blast Fireball, if you turn around, walk slowly away, and put on a pair of sunglasses, the spell deals 100d6 extra damage and you are immune to its damage.


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115: Kender shall only be mentioned as an ingredient for soup.


116: A legal system exists manly so halflings can sue anyone who uses the K word.


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117.) It is not necessary for your drow character's name to have an apostrophe in it.

118.) Having a rapier wit allows your insults to score a critical hit on a roll of 18-20.


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GoatToucher wrote:
111: DMs presenting opponents with more than two half-(X) templates shall be stuffed into a burlap sack and beaten with tire irons until they stop wriggling.

But I like my half-red-dragon/half-blue-dragon/half-green-dragon/half-black-dragon/half-w hite-dragon Gold Dragon!


119. Naming your Golarion halfling PC "Jim Kender" is not a valid loophole. Get out. Now.

But nobody tell my current GM.


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120: Anyone making a slim, hairless footed, pointed heard halfling and referring to it as a "-Kender-, gentler Hobbit" will be sacked.

By which I mean thrown into a burlap sack and beaten with tire irons until they stop wriggling.


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121.) Anyone who tries naming their character Ken Dur will be exiled via catapult.

122.) A Quinggong Monk can increase the damage of their Scorching Ray Spell-Like ability if they take 5 full-round actions to shout "KA-ME-HA-ME-HA!" (1 full-round action per syllable.)


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122a) The damage increases further if a cool pose is struck while doing it.


123: All damage is healed when a character walks out of frame and back in again.

Silver Crusade

124. Every time a gun is fired, the wielder and all within 5 feet must make a fort save against Tinnitus.


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125: The disease "filth fever" will hereafter be known as "The Shrieking Poops".


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126: If a player is unable to attend a session, his character will be determined to have eaten some bad clams, and be afflicted with The Shrieking Poops until the player returns.


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127.) Only android bards may use "the Robot" as the performance piece of their inspire courage performance.

128.) It doesn't matter how hard you try. A golem made entirely out of butts just isn't going to work.


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129.) Anyone declaring their elementalist wizard can use any element on the period table is to be made to eat 2 grams of Francium.


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129b.) That being said, Focusing on the Francium Elemental School is allowed.

130.) Do not feed the trolls.

130b.) In all definitions of the word.

Silver Crusade

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131. Any character named "Fredegar" shall be generated using a 30 point buy.


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131a) That's 30 point-buy using 137ben's adjusted point-buy system, in which 30 points is only enough to buy a single score of 11, and in which the standard 'heroic' array of 15/14/13/12/10/8 costs 294 points.


132.) Anyone naming their 3 int half orc barbarian after the GM will be burned at steak.


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133.) Anyone who burns steaks will be burned at the stake.


I think rule 133 is a misteak.


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Goddity wrote:
I think rule 133 is a misteak.

134. All puns must be recorded in the International Registry of Puns (tm).


135. Paladins are not permitted to proactively pursue paths paired with PCs deploying Perform (puns). Antipaladins alone are allowed to associate alongside allies as amoral as aforementioned.

136. Alliteration without a point is not actually that clever. It's the equivalent of a bard saying, Gee, I guess you couldn't BEAR it... when there are no bears involved.

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