| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Imagine you are a wizard toiling away in your laboratory while your apprentice is practicing spells, mixing chemicals, or doing other equally dangerous things. What's the worst possible phrase you dread hearing from him/her?
"I shouldn't have touched that."
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Was that iron-bound book very valuable?"
"Did you know there's an apprentice's union?"
"I was practicing my Old High Draconic declensions while dusting in the Special Library. I'd never noticed the echo, before..."
"HELP! HEL-!"
<in another voice> "I'm FREE!"
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Now where did I leave that broom?"
Looking over his master's shoulder at the unspeakable horrors in the summoning circle
" you gonna eat that after you're done, I am hungry"
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Uh.. we had a slight magical malfunction. Nothing to worry about, though. I'm sure that thing with the tentacles that just appeared is nothing to worry about."
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Umm, master, remember that jar you told me never to open, I sort of broke it while dusting, and now its very much open..."
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Oh, so THIS is the book he was talking abo..... (new voice) I...LIVE...AGAIN...
| 9 people marked this as a favorite. |
"I drank the first three drops of that potion you were working on"
"I mastered Disguise Self! You were really impressed with my vigor last night!"
"That is a LOT of tentacles"
| 10 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Oops."
"Your ex wife's here, I'll put tea on"
"I never knew they got so big."
| 5 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Disbelieve illusion! Disbelieve illusion! Aww, hell."
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
"So exactly how much IS a soul worth, anyway? ... Hypothetically speaking, of course...."
| 5 people marked this as a favorite. |
"I don't remember it glowing like that last time..."
"Master, remember that tower you used to have..."
"Hah! 'Messing with time is too dangerous he said' Well I'll show him...wait...he hasn't said that yet..."
" Uh oh, I did it again!"
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Don't ask, just run."
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
" *runs into the room and slams the door shut, leaning up against it and looking at you wildly as he speaks out of breath* Look, before I tell you what happened, you have to promise me that this isn't coming out of my pay!"
| 7 people marked this as a favorite. |
"So...exactly how common are ravens around here, seeing as your familiar w...is one?"
|
"Master! Master! The Forbiddance spell calls for incense and a vial of holy water. Will a vial of unholy water do? ...Okay, hypothetical question: What if I already used unholy water to cast Forbiddance?"
(the apprentice mage props a chair up against the laboratory door and casts Hold Portal on it) "Master, before you flash-fry me with Flame Strike, I just need to ask... if I kill everything I just summoned by mistake, will I get any experience for it? ...Okay, new question: Hold Portal will hold up to a Knock spell or... twenty, yes?"
"Master, here is the scroll of discern lies you asked for. Took me forever to find it."
The wizard casts the spell on one of his minions, who turns to ashes.
"Oh, it says disintigrate."
(After a long lecture on the proper protections to take when summoning Succubi)
"Yes master, of course. Now could you repeat that all again, I kind of wasn't listening..."
---
"What was in that old forbidden jar anyway?"
---
"Hey master, I managed to activate that new artifact from Numeria!"
"Um... Master, was I supposed to do that?"
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
"Yeah I said the words... ok maybe not every last syllable, but I said them!"
| 9 people marked this as a favorite. |
"What was that name I wasn't supposed to say? Ah! It was Hastur! I wasn't supposed to say Hastur! Well I won't be saying Hastur again I know that!"
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Hey I have an idea..."
Uhhhhhh, no idea what happened.
or
Is it necrophilia if the dead try to seduce you?
"I knew I should have listen to that funny little kender Tasselhoff Burrfoot.."
| 4 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Just as a completely hypothetical question: how long does it take for tentacles to go away? You know, the ones that replace your eyes?"
"Hm. I suppose that scroll of maximized empowered widened delayed fireball was a dud."
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Your mother-in-law called. She said she has mastered the "Teleport" spell... Oh, she is here.
"I just struck a deal for power with that talking book, I mean, how evil can a book be anyway...AHHH my face, my lovely face!
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
"Hey, you guys! Watch this..."
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
"Klaatu, Barada, Necktie!"
"TENTACLES!"
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
- (Heard from the other side of your bedroom door.)
"Um... Master? There was a gentleman at the door... Said his name was... and I don't know if I heard this right... Mr. Dragon? He said you would know who he is and you have something that belongs to him. I let him in and he is currently waiting in the foyer."
- "I HAVE THE POWER!" (And then an explosion rocks your wizard's tower.)
- "fltang htlep Cthulhu!"
"They didn't have all the components you asked for but the shop keeper assured me that these substitutes would work just as well."
"So I was cleaning your summoning chamber and I scrubbed all those scribbles off the floor and walls."
"My names A. S. Modius, I'm your new assistant."
"Why is 'Summon Tribble' marked as an Apocalypse-Level spell?"
"So I was cleaning the Enchanter's Bench when I accidentally knocked a Handy Haversack into the Portable Hole..."
"What do you mean, 'where are the planar binding scrolls?' I thought those were the sendings we were using for birthday invitations!"
"Do you have another one of those spell book thingies?"
"Hey! Did you know that this door leads to another plane?!"
"Uhhh...just a hypothetical, but what would happen if the sphere of annihilation got away from me...?"
*Runs into the room and slams the door and locks it, while tentacles are reaching around the door from every gap and opening*
"Funny story. TRUE story..."
| 11 people marked this as a favorite. |
Then you have nothing left to teach me.