Enter SultanFlephublamyek's Palace of Unearthly Delights...


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Scarab Sages

Come, come my friends enjoy all that my palace has to offer. Tell us your deepest desires, be it buxom wenches, tall dark and mysterious strangers, gnome bondage. Or perhaps you have a taste for exotic dishes, unicorn roast with a marmalade glaze. Ah, I think maybe a game of chance is more to your liking, the game room is this way.

Grand Lodge

Oh I have so much to offer many exotic dishes. How about my mum's Baby Brownie dessert.

Scarab Sages

Indeed baby Brownies have been a hit here in the past. The older ones tend to be a bit chewy.


I've got gold and I've got guile. Show me 'round the card tables...and I'll take a beef brat with thick mustard and a dark stout.


I will have one delight that is only slightly unearthly...thanks. Have to pace myself.


OOOOOOO YOU GOTS TRASH HEAP??? GLOFFY GLOFFY TRASH HEAP???

Scarab Sages

I want to New World Computing to rise from the corporate grave, complete with Jon Van Caneghem at the helm, and take back its rightful Might & Magic franchise!

Oh, yeah, and Justice for the past 15 years of shameless fascist dystopia would be a sight for sore eyes, as well - I want to see Dick Cheney and a few dozen other people damned Jacob Marley-style!

Scarab Sages

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:

I want to New World Computing to rise from the corporate grave, complete with Jon Van Caneghem at the helm, and take back its rightful Might & Magic franchise!

Oh, yeah, and Justice for the past 15 years of shameless fascist dystopia would be a sight for sore eyes, as well - I want to see Dick Cheney and a few dozen other people damned Jacob Marley-style!

Ah, it is to be expected that some request are going to be a bit more challenging. I believe you are seeking the Protean Room IHIYC. Down the wormhole to the chaos void, third endless chasm on your right. Wait, left, no right, no left... well best of luck. That part of the PoUD is always a little bit difficult to navigate.

Scarab Sages

Splendid, thanks. I've always wanted to try one of their famous Protean shakes....


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DICK CHENEY LOOK GLOFFY!

Scarab Sages

Actually that's Mrs. Cheney.


A lifetime visitor's pass to the multiverse, thanks!

Being in one place for too long... it makes you get itchy feet, you know?

Scarab Sages

Fortunately for you my sightless friend, one of the many doors here at the PoUD opens to that marvelous city, Tanelorn. From there the Moon Beam roads are yours to travel. If you see our friend Moonglum, tell him he owes me a story.


If I see him?

I'll bear it in mind, oh most generous Sultan, as I wander the selene streets. And if I should meet him, I shall surely bear his words back to you.

I like stories :3


I would like some unearthly delights to go please. This is a drive through isn't it?

Scarab Sages

The drive through is open even late. Please have a look at our value menu. Also we are having a special on faerie pies, buy 2 get 1 free. Please once you have made your selection pull up to the first window to pay the attendant and your order will be ready at the second window. The Universal Ointment is included in all orders.

Scarab Sages

Sultan: I would like a really good bowl of clam chowder. Have you got one of those?


I'll have a bowl of Korean spicey chicken noodle soup. Surely you import that don't you?


I'll have three dozen mustard packets and no questions, please.

Scarab Sages

The soup kitchen here at the Palace of Unearthly Delights is ran by some of the best Halfling cooks from Cheliax. Clam Chowder is for the riff raff, have some Half-Celestial Clam Chowder. No, no, no. Korean spicy chicken is so bland, have some of Alaeron's special blend spicy owl bear soup.
GoatToucher, the mustard packets are being delivered personally by my naga masesuse, and some of Katapesh's finest wares.


Give. Me. A. Type 40 TARDIS.

NOW.

Scarab Sages

Go down to the garage and pick one out. But remember you blow it up, you bought it. Also I will need to see your certificate of graduation from the Time Lord academy.


Can I have your soul?

Scarab Sages

My friend if it was still mine to give it would be yours. Alas the down payment and escro on a place as fine as this is indeed steep.

Scarab Sages

I want a mobile, sentient rose bush with the personality of an African Grey parrot!

Scarab Sages

Grey Rose of the Bush CR 5
XP 1,600
CE Medium plant
Init +1; Senses low-light vision, tremorsense; Perception +0
DEFENSE

AC 18, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (+1 Dex, +7 natural)
hp 52 (7d8+21)
Fort +8, Ref +3, Will +2
Immune cold, plant traits
Weaknesses cold lethargy
OFFENSE

Speed 20 ft.
Melee slam +10 (1d8+7)
Special Abilities Annoying Mimicry
STATISTICS

Str 20, Dex 13, Con 16, Int 13, Wis 11, Cha 18
Base Atk +5; CMB +10; CMD 21 (25 vs. trip)
Skills Bluff +20
ECOLOGY

Environment forest (warm)
Organization solitary, pair, or garden (3–8)
Treasure incidental
SPECIAL ABILITIES
Annoying Mimicry (Ex) The Grey Rose of the Bush can perfectly imitate certain sounds or even specific voices. The Grey Rose of the Bush makes a Bluff check opposed by the listener's Sense Motive check to recognize the mimicry, although if the listener isn't familiar with the person or type of creatures mimicked, it takes a –8 penalty on its Sense Motive check. The Grey Rose of the Bush has a +8 racial bonus on its Bluff check to mimic sounds (including accents and speech patterns, if a voice mimic) it has listened to for at least 10 minutes. The Grey Rose of the Bush cannot duplicate the effects of magical abilities (such as bardic performance or a harpy's captivating song), though it may be able to mimic the sound of those abilities. This ability does not allow the creature to speak or understand languages it doesn't know.

Now careful with this delicate little flower. She needs much care and love and is prone to eating her owners in the night. Also that mimicry will get a bit annoying but with time and training you can teach her manner of wonderful and delightful insults.


*creeps off to garage*

*universe breaks for a little while*

*universe fixes itself*

Uh... I just... uh... ran her in! Right!


Can I have the universe's soul?

Silver Crusade

Can I have toast?


Can I have his toast?

Scarab Sages

Sadly last week the universe's soul was touched by GoatToucher and is in rehab. As for toast, GoatToucher used it to touch the soul of the universe and subsequently had to be tossed into the pits of Mount Doom. The halflings left with it yesterday. Could I interest you in some nice pita loaf and the soul of an unborn galaxy perhaps?

Dark Archive

give me tarot cards that realy tell fortuns and can summun what is on the card to life

Dark Archive

also do you have a copy of the necronomicon by any chance.

Dark Archive

and what does Groetus do to Pharasma bone yard


Who needs the necronomicon when you can have a Universanomiconomicon. I would like that please real very soon right now.

Scarab Sages

It would seem that my guest are less concerned with delights and pleasures, and more concerned with ruling the universe. Though I suppose each has their own "delights". The library here at the Palace of Unearthly Delights is home to every book ever published, we even have nook and kindle versions. Please have a valid ID or library card ready so that you may check out the tomes you are looking for. As for Groteus and his adventures in the Boneyard, I believe those are best left answered in person when one enters the Boneyard on that fateful day.

Dark Archive

to rule the world no but free my lord cthulhu from

Dark Archive

from R'lyeh


Would you direct me towards the desserts kitchen, honorable Sultan?

Scarab Sages

Sultan, can I have your turban?


I would like your word that you will never tell anyone (living, dead, neverborn, or unborn) of Aroden's fate.

Also: two cantaloupes and a gallon of vegetable shortening, if you please.

Scarab Sages

It just so happens Cthulhu is by the pool now, or more likely at the bottom of the deep end.
The dessert carts should be around any moment, the halflings won't even allow me in the kitchens. I believe we may not wish to know all of their secrets, ruins the mystery and all.
What happens in the Palace of Unearthly Delights stays in the Palace, Aroden's secrets are safe here. Our cantaloupes are grown fresh in the gardens here and the vegetable shortening is made from fresh vegepygmies.


Can we have a host who does not make sarcastic comments about our desires to out do each other and rule the universe?

Scarab Sages

My apologies young one, I forget that even those of odd god like natures can have feelings as tender as a mortal teenager lost in the whirlwind of puberty. Please forgive my impudence and take this magic jar of souls, pulled from the River Styx by the finest thieves. Well maybe not the finest, if they were the finest they would not have found themselves plying their trade on the River Styx. And here a salve from the Elysian Gardens made from the tears of a thousand virgins just before their prom night.

Scarab Sages

*dry cough* Your turban?


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I would like some fresh this & some stale that, and no questions, please-an-thank-you.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Companion, Lost Omens, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

Wait!

I meant some stale that & fresh this.


A coupon to get you a memory boost, in favor of the clown?

Also, am i correct this is the place to get a bloody mary sunday on the rocks?

Scarab Sages

I'm Hiding In Your Closet wrote:
*dry cough* Your turban?

Very well, this one was starting to get a funk to it. I suppose I could break out the new one your mother gave me.

Scarab Sages

Irnk, Dead-Eye's Prodigal wrote:

Wait!

I meant some stale that & fresh this.

Ah yes, goblinkin. Welcome my fine little friend you'll do nicely in the refuse heap out back. Watch out for the Bleached Otyugh though. Go on then enjoy.

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