Would you kindly.....

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Veal have different meaning to goblinz, so we bring you bowl of bird brains and Mountain Dew, which is morning water from mountain's plants.
Good luck...

Next poster, you would kindly retcon the plot of indiana jones 4 to better non-aliens plot?

Scarab Sages

In Indiana Jones and the Most Overdue Library Book in History, Indie finds an ancient manuscript in his attic. It details stuff about horrible cults and dreaming elder things and all that, but what's at least as interesting is the stamp on the front cover: It was borrowed from the great Library of Alexandia centuries and centuries ago, and Dr. Jones just doesn't have that many nickels, so he has to return it as soon as he can! Hijinks ensue. Also, Sean Connery and John-Rhys Davies reprise their roles in this, and Indy does not discover a surprise son.

Next poster, would you kindly make a new zodiac based on your choice of modern fiction mythos?

I chose pokemon! They would make a great zodiac! (I would give you my work, but nintendo sued the hell out of me so that they could use it for their next game. It was that good)

Next poster please counter sue nintendo!

I start a class action against Nintendo for all the strained thumbs and eyeballs they have caused over the years. Clearly there should have been some warning labels.

Next poster please tell us the outcome of our suit.

We were gonna win, but nintendo settled out of court and now I have all this POKEMON MERCHANDISE!!!!!!!!!!!

The next poster shall buy some of my merchandise at ridiculously expensive prices.

:takes pokeball and [redacted]:

Pikachu, I choose YOU!

:Pikachu is released into [redacted] where, terrified, it immediately and repeatedly [redacted] until it [redacted]:

:shivvers: Mmm... -That's- the stuff...

The next poster has gotta catch them all.

I have caught them all. Now bow to my Groudon!

The next poster shall be my rival.

And done. I always wanted a rival.

The next poster will be taped to the wall for the next three weeks.

Alright, but only so I can feel the sensation of tearing the tape off, only to have it reapplied. Cheaper than a waxing, but just as grotesque!

The next poster will describe how they scrubbed me with a loofah after my depilation.

Hi-ho hi-ho off to work I go. First we start start with the [redacted], then with much furious [redacted] we move to the [redacted]. Now that is done the [redacted] can be removed and [redacted] and [redacted]. Hold still this next bit will hurt I promise.
the Next poster will fetch the [redacted] and insert it in the [redacted]
*slaps GT* Stop crying or I'll give you a reason to cry.

Yes it was very [censored] and [censored]. Now hold real still so I can do a [censored]. Ready for this squeegee?

The next poster shall [censored].


Next poster, would you kindly thrash around Goddity, Squeegee, GoatToucher, BlindKitsune & Molten Dragon for not thinking what thread they're in?

This is not 'the next poster' thread, have fun thrashing them.


Haven't you checked false factoids? We are merging threads now. Budget cuts. However I will still thrash all of the people on that list who are not me.

Would you kindly thrash Wylliam Harrison for being a pedant?

Poog thrash teal-eyed half-robo dude, but what is pedant?
Besides, Poog no hear of any budget cuts, G-Oddity be liar.

Next pozter who cannot be Goddity, you would kindly shank Goddity for the common good?

Sovereign Court

Finally! A chance to have at the False Deity, shank sank!

Next poster, would you kindly invite all the other gods to play this game.

Gladly. They shall all be killed with the Death Ray™. I cannot wait to get Rovagug back for betraying me. Even though I was going to betray him. And even though my plan worked and I got to clone him. I still need revenge.

Next poster would you kindly prepare me a weapon to kill the gods with.

Scarab Sages

Hear, I call it science.
Next poster would you kindly entertain us with a rousing story of the good ol' days.

2 people marked this as a favorite.

See back in the good ol' days, we walked uphill in the snow to the dungeon both ways! And we never had no gunslingers, we only had proper fantasy! And we died all the time and we liked it! None of your fancy resurrection spells.

Next poster, would you kindly build us a time machine so we can go back to the good old days.

It's quite sophisticated, and is only a 1 way trip.
It might be slightly unstable, but step right in.

Next poster, would you kindly inform the kingdom of Talingarde that their Branderscar prison is going to get a bust-out and that they should tighten security.

Certainly. I kidnap His Majesty in the dead of night, bind and gag him and lead him on a personal guided tour of all the security holes in Branderscar that could be exploited by a sufficiently dedicated individual with a helpless man strapped to their back. Then I knock him out and leave him in his bed.

Next poster, would you kindly regale us all with a completely over the top rendition of your favorite breakfast foods.

Certainly. [redacted]

Next poster, would you kindly sing us a merry song to aid with the digestion of breakfast?

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Longshanks eat bread, longshanks eat butter,
goblins kill longshanks, make them die in gutter.

Longshanks when sad, eyes go red,
especially and more when goblins slice longshanks dead.

GoatGroper drink milk, drinks it with oats,
but goblins take and kill, all of his goats.

Next poster, you would kindly carry off crying GoatGroper.

Calm down, now - even you have to draw the line at dead goats, GT.

The next poster will yodel the Swiss telephone directory for us.

Pulg wrote:

Calm down, now - even you have to draw the line at dead goats, GT.

The next poster will yodel the Swiss telephone directory for us.

Its would you kindly not next poster. You are BANNED.

Next poster would you kindly get the thread and the format right.


Would you kindly close your eyes and (try to) type the first thing that comes into your head?

Scarab Sages

The Dalai Lama has converted to Judaism. Yes, I really did type that with my eyes closed.

Next poster, would you kindly add a strange new wrinkle to the Israel/Palestine conflict?

Its kind of embarrassing, but I miss-calculated with my Old Age Ray™ and made everyone there wrinkly and old.

Next poster would you kindly fetch me a wing of wingless bat for the magic brew.

Finally a quest worthy of a goblin hero and his trusty steed. Come Mr. Pickles adventure, fame, glory, honor, and feisty goblin wench await.
Next poster would you kindly, well this is embarrassing, point me to the nearest wingless bat colony.

Certainly! It's in a cave just over the next hill...don't mind the humanoid bones scattered along the path...or the ritual circles drawn in blood just inside the entrance...nothing but wingless bats in there. Couldn't possibly be anything else.

Next poster, would you kindly follow The Goblin Knight and...well...make sure he fulfills his purpose there? It's important.

Sure thing. After all, he is fetching it for me anyway.

Next poster, would you kindly work out what the next ingredient is going to be and where we can get one?

Scarab Sages

Ripple Crisp, the single best breakfast cereal ever! You can find it in the 1990s section of your local grocery store!

I don't know what to do. No request was made.
Next poster would kindly inform IHIYC of the rules of this particular forum game.

Scarab Sages

I know the rules. I will stick an ice cream cone into my forehead unicorn-style as penance. Mea Culpa.

Next poster, would you kindly pass my ice cream cone-forehead off as the latest and greatest fashion sensation?

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Sure thing.

1. Pass the Diplomacy and Bluff checks to convince the world that this brand new unicorn disguise grants all the sunshine-farting and rainbow-pooping abilities of a true unicorn.
2. ...
3. Profit!

Next poster, would you kindly help me figure out the best way to avoid being crushed while swimming in my room full of money?

1. Give it all too me.

2. Donate whatever left to charity

(well...just me profiting)

Next poster, would you kindly hide in the wardrobe?

Of course. I'm leaving the door open, of course, because I know that it is very foolish to shut oneself into any wardrobe.

Next poster, would you kindly explain why it's so cold in here?

You are in the fridge. Foolish watch.

Next poster would you kindly explain the absence of existence?

That's easy, the robber naming himself Existence has been killed and sent to the 3rd layer. Contracts are so neat things.

Next poster, would you kindly clean up that ice hockey arena?

Scarab Sages

Okay! *trundles out on Zamboni*
It sure is bumpy.
You didn't mean I should wait until after they've finished playing the game, did you?

Next poster, would you kindly summon Captain Exoplanet?

You rang?

Next poster, would you kindly unsummon me?

*casts dismissal*

*rolls d100*

Hmm...2%...welp, hope he's having fun...wherever he ended up...

Next poster, would you kindly sing to me?

Now whip it into shape
Shape it up
Get straight
Go forward
Move ahead
Try to detect it
It's not too late to whip it
Whip it good

Next poster, would you kindly identify the basic grammatical error in those lyrics...?

...Or drop and give me twenty.

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Whip it well.

But I need to work on my arms anyway. *does three to five pathetic attempts at push ups and collapses*

Next poster, would you kindly...help me up? Arms...so tired...

Previous poster, you whiny young whippersnapper! In my day, we did "drop and give me a million!" or "drop and give me ten million!", and we didn't complain! You really don't wanna be weaker than me, do ya?

Next poster, show him what I mean.

Its okay. They counted funny back then. by one million he means 2 and by 10 million he means leave the room for a cup of coffee. Its not hard to be weaker than him. However he did get the format wrong so...

...next poster, would you kindly show us a suitable punishment for those who get it wrong? Because if we get it wrong too much then Wylliam Harrison complains at us. And no one wants to hear that.

:produces a burlap sack filled with hungry weasels and perturbed fire ants, a metal rod, and an angular object about the size of a grapefruit marked "suppository":

Next poster, would you kindly brace yourself for impact?

Can't. Too busy crashing into the ground.

Next poster would you kindly buy me a new spaceship?

Here you are. Nineteen-eighties Lego Style.

Next poster: would you kindly explain your behavior last night?

Well I found new PFS Character Generator and got to test it. It isn't my fault that I could not get any sleep because I had so much fun making characters.

Next poster: Would you kindly explain rumours concerning ties between Gillmen and Aboleths?

Scarab Sages

Well, sometimes tentacle porn results in conception.

Next poster, would you kindly bring Vincent Price back from the dead, cast him as the next Doctor, and give us a preview of what that will be like?

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