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:steams a bonsai, eats it with lo mien noodles, onions, and green peppers:
Next poster, would you kindly perform an erotic dance to aid with my... digestion?
They call this one the "farting wing flap of seduction" :prances about, flipping his wings and exuding noxious odors:
Next poster would you kindly spray some air freshener?
Very well, just so happens i have this pine-smell spray.
*spray....spray...spray....*
Next poster, would you kindly show GoatToucher to 'the room' for rehabilitation.
Sure thing...it's the one with the goat thats never been touched and the electrodes right?
Next poster, could you kindly administer the therapy?
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Heh, heh again, all to gladly.
Oh no. Quick he slipped out of the restraints.
Sweet baby Aroden, what is he doing with that goat and the electrodes and leather straps and surgical gown, and two pints of Ben And Jerry's, and so, so, so, much coco butter?
Next poster would kindly repaint the cielling of the Sistine Chapel with a mural of the Fast and the Furious?
Aaaaand done. My favorite part is the reclining Paul Walker receiving a can of Red Bull from the extended hand of a celestial Vin Deisel.
Next poster, would you kindly wipe all this ice cream and coco butter off of me?
YES, YES, GODS YES! Finally someone needs me.
Quickly next poster would you kindly use me to remove the ice cream and coco butter from this poor sod?
But, of course. *Picks up The Squeegee and caresses all of GoatToucher's secret crevices and bumpy spots to remove all of the ice cream and coco butter*
Next poster, would you kindly do something to either remove or re-enforce this image in our minds?
One metric buttload of brain bleach coming right up.
Next poster please do not complete this request.
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He wanted to splinter the Church of Asmodeus into a thousand pieces into a thousand pieces, and scatter it to the winds - and they couldn't have that, of course....
Next poster, would you kindly kick this thread back into gear?
No! No! NO! NO!
OK.
Next poster, would you kindly reassure me that what I've done was right?
Sure, as you see here on your bank account, you're 1k richer.
Next poster, would you kindly organize an arena for the Cheliax vs Absalom boxing matches?
Certainly. First, I'll fill the arena with creamed corn a foot deep. Then I'll have gloves made from the skin of suckling pigs, and filled with the proto-feathers of the most adorable ducklings. I'll buy gags and masks to the masseurs that will attend to the fighters' needs between matches (willing or no). Finally, I'l have one of my more unusual machines brought up out of my "work room" to be used on the losers. It will be a delight to the senses!
Oh, and the first five hundred attendees will receive a complimentary short whip and jar of GT brand Rump Ointment!
Next poster, would you kindly give the color commentary for the first match between the Ulfen Death Squad and The Fiend Fantastic?
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Ladies and gentleman we find ourselves in 665th round of the title match between Ulfen Death Squad and The Fiend Fantastic. Let me tell you this has been a brutal match and the crowd is loving it, they have really whipped themselves into a frenzy. The kids are really enjoying those short whips, and what was in the jars again? The creamed corn is splattered all over the place. The Fiend Fantastic has worn out more masseurs in his corner than I can count. Ulfen Death Squad started strong in the early rounds but after a visit or two to GT's Numerian H.I.P.P.O. 5000 he is really starting to have trouble with his right hook. The Fiend Fantastic may just win this one. Oh that was a dirty cheap shot, I don't know how that elderly woman got in the ring but she is really give our boys a once over. Wait, wait that's no elderly woman that is GT in drag.
Next Poster would you kindly restrain GT so we can get back to the action.
Gladly and the Queens Raven goes back into his gilded cage.
Next poster, would you kindly take up professional wrestling?
Oka-GAHHK.
Hello.
Don't panic.
I am not his future self murdering him because this is the worst idea anyone has ever had.
EVER!
I really mean it.
So yes he did it, but I undid it because I like the world as it is.
Next poster please fix the temporal mess i made by denying my own existence.
Yes but I don't understand where the blue police box came from.
Next poster, would you kindly assist doctor who cleaning up the temporal ejaculation?
But I don't like to run that much silly boy. But if I must, we need to go back to the begining of it all.
Next poster would you kindly fetch me some 3D glasses and a yo-yo?
Of course, 1 3d spectacles, 1900 style and a wooden yoyo, they'll be delivered day after tomorrow by postal service.
Next poster, would you kindly replace Sissyl's hook-hat with something more colorful?
Certainly! I have this lovely red leather hood made from only the most fantastic fiend skin, quite against his will and with much struggling, I might add! I really tried to capture the grimaces of pain for you on this headwear. It's a damn sight better than the screaming, skinless rictus I left him with, that's for sure.
Next poster, would you kindly get me a cool beverage? All this haberdashery is thirsty work!
Just let me find a whip made goat hide.....
Next poster, would kindly butcher all the goats GT has touched and fashion a whip from them?
Sure!
*Cue amazingly fast goat slaughter and spiky whip fabrication*
Here you go.
Next pozter, would you kindly censore the beating krevon give GoatGroper with this whip.
Certainly. First he [redacted] with a [redacted] until I [redacted], which lasted for several hours. Then he took a [redacted] covered it with [redacted] and [redacted] as hard as he could. He then produced a [redacted] which he had [redacted] at 350 degrees for 45 minutes, and then [redacted] with [redacted], much to the delight of all present.
Next poster, would you kindly get me a moist towelette? This experience has left me a-glow.
Sure, i've found this bunch of lobotomized nutjobs. They can scream plenty, not worth for anything else though.
Next poster, would you kindly arrange a bomb to detonate and destroy the latest Zon-Kuthonian church.
Surprise **hits you with a whip** now build me a monument to my glory!
Next poster, would you kindly beat the clown if he slows down preferably with the goat hide whip.
Got it. *tears out a hobo's heart and eyes, then immediately chows down on eyes as soon as the heart is finished.*
Next poster, would you kindly go bring that thing hiding in my closet out?
Certainly. It's T.V.'s Mark Harmon, star and executive producer of the hit CBS show NCIS! Good to see you Mark!
:MH waves jovially and is promptly stuck unconscious with a sap and brought into GT's "workroom" to have all sorts of unwholesome adventures:
Whoo... :dabs himself with AoZK's moist towelette:
Next poster, would you kindly describe your idea of a fun evening? Spare no details.
Sure thing, i sit back in my hellish sofa, ordering the punishment of all those mortals who are spending their time down here. If any dare speak up to my devilgirl torture executives, i shoot firebolts at them, before ordering unholy punishment, giving full authority to the devilgirls to do it as they see fit.
The rest is just unfathomable for your feeble mind and is too horrible to hear.
Next poster, would you kindly obstruct the development of the next Call of Duty?
Oh, I think I might be able to fathom.
And I certainly will halt production. I will divert them to Duke Nukem: Abomination.
Next poster, would you kindly scratch between my shoulder blades? I can't quite reach.
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Now, I'm no expert on the anatomy of... whatever you happen to be... but I'm pretty sure that those aren't your shoulders
Next poster, would you kindly love me, now that I can dance, DANCE, DANCE,
Absolutly...work, work...awwe shake it now work work
Next poster, would you kindly angry dance like Kevin Bacon in Footloose?
If you insist.
:disrobes, oils up, and dances about, furiously lashing his body with various objects. It is a feast for the senses, filled with the sights, sounds, and scents of arousal. You are left forever changes, and not entirely for the better:
Next poster, would you kindly draw me a bath?
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Sure, a sec, *draws a bath shape on a piece of blackboard with chalk*
Next poster, would you kindly shut down that nuclear reactor?
Ummm, I think the labels are in Arabic....I can't read Arabic.
Next poster, would you kindly translate before we all die?
Sure thing. From my high school level Arabic I think it says fold tab A into slot B then cut the blue wire. Curiously none of the wires are blue.
would the next poster please cut one of the wires and tell us what happens, if they can.
How about the red one?
KABOOOOOOOOM!
Next poster get me a resurrection!
Certainly! I'll have to "work" on you remains for a while, however.
Next poster, would you kindly bring me thirteen pounds of veal brains and a Mountain Dew so I can begin?