Phloid's Unofficial "Edit My Item" Thread


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Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

Shellfish bastard I am, I'm going to ask for your opinions on three items: this year's entry, 2013's entry, and 2012's entry that got me into the top 32.

Phantom Guardian’s Ring (2015 entry)

Spoiler:
Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot ring; Price 12,000 gp; Weight

Description
Speaking the command word for this ring causes your words to form into a ghostly projection of yourself. The projection is Medium-sized (regardless of your current size) and occupies one empty square within 30 ft., standing on the ground in that space.

The projection can make one attack of opportunity per round. It threatens squares around it and deals damage as if it were wielding a masterwork longsword. It uses your base attack bonus and ability scores to determine attack and damage rolls, but does not actually possess those attributes: it is not alive and is little more than a projection of your spirit. It cannot be damaged or struck by attacks, cannot speak, and remains stationary other than to make attacks of opportunity against creatures that pass. It uses your senses: if you can sense something, so can the projection.

The projection does not block line of sight or effect. A creature can move into or through the projection’s space without penalty and without making an overrun attempt, though the projection will make an attack of opportunity if it is able.

A projection can benefit from flanking and can flank an opponent with you or your allies.

If you wield an enchanted melee weapon, the projection’s longsword is instead a weapon of the same type (i.e.: a longspear, light mace, or greatsword), and the projection’s weapon shares your weapon’s enhancement bonus. If you wield an enchanted shield, the projection may make a number of attacks of opportunity each round equal to the shield’s enchantment bonus.

The projection remains for one minute before fading.

A phantom guardian’s ring functions three times each day.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, spiritual ally; Cost 6,000 gp

First Light (2013 entry)

Spoiler:
Aura strong evocation; CL 15th
Slot neck; Price 45,000 gp; Weight
Description
An effervescent, illuminating liquid of condensed, ancient light fills a small vial attached to a leather cord meant to be worn around the neck.

Wearing first light increases the ambient light around the wearer, empowers light magics, and reflexively defends the wearer.

First light sheds light like a torch.

Ambient light (magical or otherwise, and including the light created by a first light) within 60' of the wearer is increased one step (from normal to bright, from dim to normal, etc.) to a maximum of bright light. Creatures that are harmed by sunlight are accordingly harmed by bright light amplified by first light.

Any spell with the Light descriptor cast within 60' of the wearer is cast at +1 caster level. Any spell with the Darkness descriptor cast within 60' of the wearer is cast at -1 caster level.

The wearer may, as an immediate action after being attacked (whether successfully or unsuccessfully), attempt to blind the attacker by willing the vial of first light to surge in brightness. The attacker must make a DC 22 Reflex save or be dazzled for one minute. If the attacker fails the Reflex save, they must make a DC 22 Fortitude save or be blinded for 1d3 rounds. A successful save in either case negates the effect. This ability can only be used once every 1d4 rounds as the item must recharge between uses. During this recharge time, a vial of first light loses all its other properties (including shedding light).
Construction[b]
[b]Requirements
Craft Wondrous Item, daylight, sunburst, access to the Light domain; Cost 22,500 gp

Spellbreaker Gauntlets (2012 entry)

Spoiler:
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot Hands; Price 22,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Spellbreaker gauntlets allow the wearer to break magical barriers and defend their allies.

Three times per day as a standard action, a wielder of spellbreaker gauntlets may attempt to dispel non-instantaneous magical barriers (such as a wall of force, a forcecage, or a resilient sphere, but not a wall of stone) by substituting a Strength check for a caster level check. If the wielder has a bonus to sunder attempts, they may also apply this bonus to their Strength check. If such a barrier has an effect for coming in contact with it or moving through it, he must make a saving throw as if he had interacted with or moved through the barrier.

In addition, when a line, burst, emanation, or cone effect includes a wielder of spellbreaker gauntlets within it, the wielder may spend an immediate action and outstretch an empty hand to alter the effect's shape to protect his allies. He willingly forgoes his normal saving throw (if any) and his spell resistance (if any), taking the effect's full affects, but is treated as a wall or other obstructive object for the purposes of determining the effect's area. Further, he creates a 15' cone originating in his square and directed immediately away from the origin of the triggering effect. Creatures in this area are not affected by the triggering effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, bull's strength, dispel magic, lesser globe of invulnerability; Cost 11,250 gp

You did a rather in-depth review of the cloak of a thousand daggers last year, and I found it illuminating and insightful. Please feel free to hold no bars on these items.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

1 person marked this as a favorite.
theheadkase wrote:

Chrysalis Carapace

Aura strong abjuration; CL 14th
Slot armor; Price 65,800 gp; Weight 40 lbs.
Description
This +3 reflecting suit of full plate armor is sweet smelling, honey-tinted, and made from layers of the discarded cocoons of giant moths or gloomwings.

Any creature worshiping a deity with a nature theme may add this armor to the list of armors in which she is proficient.

Three times per day the wearer can command the chrysalis carapace to form a split in the back with a loud cracking sound and sprout delicate looking butterfly wings. The wearer gains a fly speed of 40 feet (perfect) for 10 minutes. At the end of this duration, the wings furl back into the armor and the split seals itself.

Once per day the wearer can will the chrysalis carapace, as an immediate action, to force any one creature casting a spell to make a concentration check adding the wearer’s level to the DC. If the target fails the concentration check, the spell is lost to the caster and absorbed into the armor. Absorbing a spell in this manner causes the chrysalis carapce to open dozens of ragged slits and diaphanous, winged insects to pour out over the armor, granting the expeditious armor special ability for 1 hour.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, fly, spell turning; Cost 32,900 gp

Chrysalis Carapace (Phloid Edit)

Chrysalis Carapace
Aura strong abjuration; CL 14th
Slot armor; Price 79,800 gp; Weight 40 lbs.
Description
Lightly covered in an iridescent dust, this +3 full plate was constructed by overlapping the discarded chrysalises of star monarchs, the magical emissaries of Desna. It has the same strength as steel but is 1/5th lighter.

Once per day, the iridescent powder and luck of Desna can be called upon to reflect a single spell back at its caster. This functions as the spell turning spell, except that the wearer may add the effects of up to two metamagic feats he knows as though the caster had applied those feats. These metamagic feats (or feat) cannot have a combined spell level increase of more than 2 levels. Adding these feats does not change the actual spell level, nor does it change the casting time. Heighten Spell may not be selected for this ability. The wearer may attempt a Spellcraft check to identify the spell being cast before choosing what metamagic feats to apply. Failure to identify the spell may cause metatmagic feats to be applied that are ineffectual on that spell.

Three times per day as a standard action, the wearer can command the chrysalis carapace to split at the shoulder blades with a loud cracking sound (Perception DC -5) and sprout delicate butterfly wings. The wearer gains a fly speed of 60 feet (good) for 10 minutes. At the end of this duration, the wings furl back into the armor and the split seals itself.

The chrysalis carapace is treated as medium armor for a character with divine powers granted by Desna.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, any two metamagic feats, fly, spell turning; Cost 39,900 gp

Editor's Notes

Spoiler:
The name is pretty good, but gives some confusion whether it is a cocoon or a shell of some kind. It is likely you are using "carapace" as a metaphor for armor which is fine, but since both words are affiliated with insects of different sorts this adds to the confusion. A chrysalis is somewhat like a carapace I guess as it is another harder skin of the insect, but it is not what I think of when I think of a carapace (turtle shells, beetle shells, crab shells). I got a bit of an entomology lesson on this item. To get technical, cocoons (used in the description) are the silk outer covering of the pupa in most moth species. I found conflicting statements whether the shell inside a moth cocoon is referred to as a chrysalis, but butterflies definitely have a chrysalis and no cocoon. They are not synonymous terms and a cocoon would not be considered a carapace. But I questioned via PM and you said to go with butterflies. And I don't think you can use butterflies in Pathfinder without a connection to Desna so I just embraced it. Still, it is a good name and I could not come up with anything I liked better.

Your description, though evocative, does confuse the theme even more. It twice gives me a bee feeling. I'm pretty sure that was not your intent, but you probably should have said that it was "amber in color" instead of mentioning honey. Do chrysalis smell sweet? Do butterflies because they eat nectar? I don't know. I like adding other senses besides sight, but if the associated smell is obscure, it should probably be avoided. Also I think it is better to state what the item is made from instead of giving two possibilities. Since I went wholly to Desna I chose the chrysalis of her butterfly-like helpers, the star monarchs. The only negative side effect of going with a Desna theme was that it kind of took the item away from druids and nature, but it made the armor proficiency allowance easier. This is good because the original line that allows a worshiper of a nature deity to be proficient with this armor has issues. First, you should not make such ambiguous statements. Who defines a nature theme? It is just too loose and open to interpretation. Secondly, it allows any worshiper to wear this, not just a divine spellcasting class. I'm pretty sure my non-religious barbarian would suddenly find new faith in Gozreh if we came across this armor. I tried to fix this while still keeping the intended purpose. Desna fixed that, though made it more niche. Of course is you have to embrace a deity with your item, Desna's a good choice.

I tweaked the flying ability some. I moved it closer to the flying of a fly spell, which would be between the flying ability of a gloomwing and a star monarch. It was already limited by duration so I did not want to limit the speed as well. I did decrease the maneuverability because (perfect) seemed a stretch for butterfly wings. I put the flying ability later in the description so as not to bury the lead.

Though maybe it should be, Reflecting is not an armor quality, but it seemed to be an important function of the item with the last ability having a similar vibe. Some critiques did not like the final ability for several reasons. The expeditious armor ability being granted by an insect swarm is also strange. As cool a word is diaphanous, I had to look it up and you don't want to make people do that while voting. The original ability as written is weird because it uses the wearer's level to adjust a DC. Not only is this beyond the norm, but it does not seem like there is a reason why the wearer's level makes it harder for the caster to cast his spell. Just through shear awesomeness? It is not clear. Maybe if the moths were the distraction, but they are not deployed yet. I had to go with something else. Because of the reflecting quality and the fact that the last ability kind of has a spell turning/absorbing vibe to it, I decided to borrow the reflective quality and expound on it. I played with automatically adding certain metamagics, but there are so many that were possible to add to single target spells. I left it open to add what the wearer has. This would be better when the wearer could plan his feats to use this armor. Certain feats would be more useful than others and many will be wholly ineffectual. These are the possible feats to use: Adds one spell level: Bouncing Spell (APG), Disruptive Spell (APG), Ectoplasmic Spell (APG), Elemental Spell (APG), Extend Spell, Flaring Spell (UM), Intensified Spell (APG), Merciful Spell (APG), Piercing Spell (UM), Rime Spell (UM), and Toppling Spell (UM). Adds two spell levels: Burning Spell (UM), Concussive Spell (UM), Empower Spell, Persistent Spell (APG), Sickening Spell (APG), or Thundering Spell (APG). Some of these will just fail depending on the spell reflected. I think this is a cool ability and I hope you think it is cool too. It is quite a powerful ability with the right planning, so even though there is one fewer ability overall, I knocked up the price some. I'm only eyeballing the prices here but I think this is more powerful over all. My price might still be too low. Playtesting may identify this.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Nickolas! I like you're rewrite. I wanted to avoid naming Golarion specific stuff by name, which is why I didn't name Desna or Gozreh or some such.

I agree with you about the ambiguity of the nature theme statement...I should have said nature portfolio but I couldn't remember that term! That would have been specific enough and left it open enough for druids (which you are correct, I was aiming for druids and witches and such).

I got a good entomology lesson from you as well...I did some research on butterflies and moths but did not get into chrysalis vs. cocoon...just goes to show.

The expeditious quality was a little too subtle...the moths were supposed to be "carrying" the wearer away to safety, hopefully out of the range of the spell, at least where it was targeting. A play on the fact that chrysalis are protective coverings.

Lessons learned, I still like my item, but I love this rewrite! Thanks for taking the time!

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Rusty Ironpants

Every time I see this thread, I read it as the "Eat My Item" Thread.

Sorry, please continue.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

Russ Brown wrote:

Every time I see this thread, I read it as the "Eat My Item" Thread.

Sorry, please continue.

I'd prefer it if the creator of Honeycomb Cuirass made that particular topic.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Russ Brown wrote:

Every time I see this thread, I read it as the "Eat My Item" Thread.

Sorry, please continue.

Well, I hope no one feels like I am eating their item. Maybe just cooking it a little more sometimes.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

goldomark wrote:

Rerouting shield

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot Shield; Price41,970 gp; Weight 15 lbs
Description
This polished +2 heavy steel shield is perfectly round and has golden runes engraved ont its rim. When the wearer of the shield is aware that he is the target of an attacl, the shield can become a one-way portal that redirects the attack to another target. Activating this ability is an immediate action that must be used before the attack role is made. The new target of the attack must e within 30 ft. of the wearer and in line of sight. The AC of the new target is used to see if the attack hits. This ability can be used three times per day.

Alternatlyy, once a day, the shield's wearer can make a bull rush manoeuvre against one creature to force it to enter a one-way portal. When this ability is used the wearer of the shield gets a +4 bonus to his CMB. If the manoeuvre is successful the creature reappears up to 30 ft. of its initial position in any direction that is within line of sight of the wearer. The creature cannot reappear in solid objects and if no free space is available the attempt automatically fails. When using this ability the wearer of the shield cannot move with his target. A creature can decide not to resist the bull rush.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, dimension door; Cost 21,070 gp

Rerouting shield (Phloid Edit)

Shield of Open Doors
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 7th
Slot shield; Price 43,000 gp; Weight 13 lbs.
Description

Sporting a satyr faced knocker on its front, this over-sized +1 bashing heavy wooden shield is actually a gilded oaken door, trimmed down, repurposed, and infused with teleportation magic.

Three times per day before the wielder rolls the die on a bull rush or shield bash attempt, the wielder may have the outer surface of the shield transform into an dimensional doorway as a free action. If the roll is successful, the target of the bull rush or shield bash is not pushed back or dealt damage, but is forced through the doorway and teleported to a location within 70 feet of the wielder. This location must be unoccupied, level-ground the wielder can see and must contain enough room to fit the target without being squeezed.

Alternatively, the wielder can use one of the above daily uses as an immediate action when he is the subject of an opponent's bull rush or overrun combat maneuver before the combat maneuver die is rolled. The wielder receives a +4 circumstance bonus to his CMD against this maneuver and if the opponent fails to beat the wielder's CMD, it is subject to the teleportaion effect as above.

Finally, the wielder can also spend one of the above daily uses to teleport a willing adjacent ally up to 70 feet as a standard action.

These abilities all fail on creatures larger than Medium size.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, bull's strength, dimension door; Cost 21,657 gp

Editor's Notes

Spoiler:
The name was not terrible with the a little alliteration in "rerouting", but with my changes and the slight twist in theme, I changed it. It's an ok name. Names are not my strong suit.

The problem with the original first ability is that it is usable at will, once per turn as your immediate action. Once per round is too much, with no limit to it. Why does the portal only work three times per day? I'm sure you can describe the portal as flickering or something to give this some believablity, but as it stands it is to good. It is also not entirely unique. It works better as a shield, but this has been attempted before in RPGSS. That being the case, I am dropping this first ability in my edit and concentrating on the second ability and expounding on it. Taking a look as your critiques also shows that this is the ability that voters really liked. I also explored your own suggestion for changes.

For the last ability which I am running with, the shield seemed to be a bit small and I thought a tower shield would be more appropriate. It also allowed me to use the repurposed door theme. Unfortunately you can't bash with a tower shield so Heavy Wooden was the next best option and I described it as over-sized in the description and added some weight. There were no other problems with the mechanics and it all went together pretty well (unless I'm forgetting something). I took away a +1 enhancement to give it the bashing ability. This not only allows it to apply a +1 to the bashing ability, but also deals more damage if it is out of uses, or the basher does not want to use a daily use. This is really a shield basher's weapon, but I wanted it to be good for characters who were not specialized in the shield. I nearly arbitrarily stuck a Reflex save on to the teleportation effect and had the decision to use a use come after the roll was made, but this seemed unsound. But it does make it somewhat better. I almost had it teleport the wielder, but that would only make sense if it left the shield behind, and who wants that? Of course Dimension Door does have a much larger range, but I figure 10 feet per caster level was adequate and would keep the power level down

I really like the repurposed door theme that I added, but I know that it is a little humorous and might be seen as a joke by some voters. Though I have not posted it to the critique forum since I'm busy with this, I'm certain that the fact that my item was humorous is what killed my item this year. Just wondering what you think of that part (and anyone else who reads this).

I'm just ballparking prices and costs, but I figure this is about on par with your item's pricing.

There were a number of errors in the original (misspellings, British spellings, missing characters, wrong homophone), but I can assume by your profile that your first language is likely French and not American English so you deserve some slack. As a suggestion, make sure you have a native speaker on your pit crew to check your work. I'm always looking to expand my own pit crew and Bad American English is my first (and only) language. Anyway, there was some good ideas here and I hope you can really bring the mojo next year.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 8

I really like the door theme. I do not think it is silly the way you've done it here. It opens up a lot of possibilities for powers. Very nice.

What is the item similar to mine that was in RPGSS?

I do speak French. I'm from Montréal, Québec.

Thanks for the edit. It is inspiring.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

goldomark wrote:


What is the item similar to mine that was in RPGSS?

I don't remember off the top of my head. It was not one that made the top 32. It was a cape or something that could redirect attacks. There may have been more than one over the years.

I do fairly extensive research when I edit these and I knew you were from Québec based on your Paizo profile. I assumed French as a first language due to this and that was likely the reason your written English was a little rough in parts. You got me beat and I envy that you are (at least) bilingual. I took Spanish classes, but it didn't stick. Use it or lose it, I guess.

Anyway, great item, and it was fun to take your idea and run with it. Thanks for sharing.

Star Voter Season 8

Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I think I'll leave mine for someone to consider.

Staff of Infiltration

Spoiler:

Aura moderate varied; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 104,700 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
This tall, thick, polished black staff is capped at both ends with soft black leather, and makes no sound upon striking any surface. The staff allows use of the following spells:

Detect Secret Doors (1 charge)
Detect Thoughts (1 charge)
Nondetection (2 charges)
Greater Invisibility (2 charges)

While holding the staff, the wielder is also centered in the effect of a silent table spell. The staff can also be used as a +1/+1 quarterstaff. If the wielder hits a creature with the staff, the effects of the silent table spell are centered on the creature hit for one round. A creature struck by the staff can not be the center of the staff's silent table effect again for 24 hours.

Construction
Requirements Craft Arms and Armor, Craft Staff; detect secret doors, detect thoughts, nondetection, greater invisibility; Cost 52,350 gp


I realize silent table gave it a SIAK feel, but until trying to price the item and hunting spells, I hadn't seen silent table, and it went from modifying the silence spell to pretty much exactly the effect I wanted.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Jaragil wrote:

Raven Leather

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 10th
Slot armor; Price 69,875 gp; Weight 20 lb.
Description
This +2 studded leather armor is made from oiled black leather and has been decorated with numerous feathers and beads of obsidian.
As a standard action the wearer can transform himself into a flock of ravens made out of shadows and spiraling feathers. This effect functions as gaseous form, except the wearer has a flying speed of 40 ft., fills a space of 10 ft. and every creature within this area is considered to have concealment. The wearer can stay in this shape for 10 minutes per day. This duration does not need to be consecutive, but it must be used in 1-minute increments.

Alternatively, the wearer can transform himself into a corporeal raven swarm. The wearer gains a +4 size bonus to Dexterity, a –2 penalty to Strength, fly 40 ft. (average), low-light vision, scent and the swarm traits. The wearer’s swarm attack deals 2d6 points of damage. Each round spent this way counts as 1 minute of the wearer’s normal time. If the wearer’s hit points drop below 0 while in the raven swarm shape, he immediately returns to his normal form, falls unconscious and is dying as normal. This is a polymorph effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, beast shape II, gaseous form; Cost 35,025 gp

Raven Leather (Phloid Edit)

Murder Swarm Armor
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot armor; Price 78,500 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
Description

Inky feathers adorn the collar and cuffs of this blackened +5 studded leather armor, and its studs have been fashioned from onyx to resemble the beady black eyes of crows.

As a standard action the wearer can transform himself into a murder of crows. In this form, the wearer gains the swarm traits for a group of Tiny flying creatures, a +4 size bonus to Dexterity, a –4 penalty to Strength, fly 40 ft. (average), low-light vision, scent, and his space becomes four contiguously shapable 5-foot cubes. As a swarm he takes half damage from slashing and piercing weapons, 50% more damage from area effect spells, and is immune to most spells targeting individual creatures, but is considered to have a hive mind that can be effected by mind-affecting spells and abilities.
The wearer’s swarm attack deals 1d6 points of damage for every 5 hit dice of the wearer, and causes distraction as the universal monster ability (DC 10 + 1/2 wearer's HD + wearer's Con modifier). The wearer may choose not to harm allies within the swarm, and all creatures within gain concealment.
If the wearer’s hit points drop below 0 while in the crow swarm shape, he immediately returns to his normal form, falls unconscious, and is dying. This is a polymorph effect.

The wearer can stay in his murder of crows form for 5 minutes per day. This duration does not need to be consecutive, but it must be used in 1-minute increments, and each minute used decreases the armor's enhancement bonus by 1. The whole enhancement bonus is restored each morning.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, beast shape IV; Cost 39,325 gp

Spoiler:
This one is super cool to be sure. Great vibe. Great visuals. Before reading the other critiques I would say my biggest complaint is that it does two things that are almost the same thing. It seems to me that these two abilities could be combined into one and maybe give the armor another ability of some kind. As you pointed out it likely would have made a better cloak, but maybe I can give it some more armor mojo.

Now, after reading all the critiques I see that many picked up on the same things I was thinking. I think only one mentioned that the two transforming abilities should be only one ability. Someone also mentioned transforming into a single "dire raven" which is something that crossed my mind as a possible added ability. I am also unfamiliar with the video game that evidently contained something like this. Though it would most easily be a cloak or cape, and could have been better placed as a ring in this year's competition, I want to keep it the same type and concentrate on making this more armor like in some way. Several of the critiques mentioned that the game needs more good light armors, but I was tempted to go with feathery hide armor and give it a bit of a creepy druid vibe and maybe change the requirements. Alas I thought I could expound on your description in a cool way that I think you alluded to, and left it as studded leather.

I decided to tweak the theme a little from ravens to crows. I did this for two reasons. Crows are a bit smaller to picture a better swarm, and a group of crows is called a "murder" and that is awesome. Many people know this, but I don't think that it is as commonly known that a flock of ravens is called an "unkindness." And that is just not as creepy and cool. I changed the name based on this. The original name was ok, but kind of mundane. Didn't really have an awe inspiring impact. I'm not sure mine is that great (naming is not my strongest area) and it has the negative that it is not entirely clear we are talking about a "murder of crows" until a little later in the item. I'm generally a big fan of having what the item is in the name, but this is less important when you are talking about weapons and armor, and "Studded Leather" just adds an extra mouthful.

Out of the two transformation abilities I definitely liked the second one better. I think using gaseous form is an interesting way to do a cloud of creatures, but it just seems less useful. Besides the duration, the differences between the two are not enough not to just combine them IMO. So for the edit that is what I did. I think your mechanics writing is really quite good here so I mostly cut and pasted. I added some details that I thought might be missing from the original, though some of it is repeating swarm abilities for ease of play. Since I combined the two abilities into one, I had a problem with the two duration/uses mechanics, but I basically split the difference in some ways. In order to really bring in the armor function of this item I grudgingly decided to max out the enhancement bonus and make the uses per day eat these up. I'm not crazy about this mechanic, but it was a way of saying "I'm armor for a reason!" It also addressed some of the critiques that this armor does not protect well enough. Now it does unless you use its ability too much. I doubt that anyone would use this ability for more than 2 or 3 minutes (2 or 3 times) per day. I increased the usability of the transformation ability and that of the armor overall, thus adding to the power and ball-parked the price accordingly. Your item was over cost, I think, but changing the enhancement bonus had to increase the cost.

Anyway, this was a item with a lot of mojo, that may have had some minor missteps. It was among the hardest to edit and try to make it better that I have done on this thread so far. I don't know what your history is with RPGSS or with game design, but you only have this year's voter tag. If this is your first entry you are worlds ahead of most first time entrants. I expect next year you will have something equally worth of praise as your entry this year, and perhaps a top 32 finish. Good luck.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

I really like the Murder Swarm edit, especially for the visuals. With a name like that though, I almost expect an interaction with Sneak Attack.

Edit: I don't really like the "Swarm" in the name though. Maybe Murderflock or something like that.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Petty Alchemy wrote:
Murderflock

Yeah, i like that. Names aren't my thing and I new the "murder" part would be a little misleading until the first couple sentences, where hopefully there was an "Ahah!" moment. It is well known that a flock of crows is called a "murder," right? Maybe that is not as commonly known as I think it is, which is a problem.

And those were Jaragil's visuals for the most part. I just had the honor of tweaking them.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Petty Alchemy

I think it is common knowledge that crows are murders (just as lions are a pride).

Specifically I like your adaption of bead-eyes to stud-eyes, explaining why it is indeed studded leather a little better. Didn't mean to transfer too much of the credit from Jaragil. I liked his use of Leather in the title as well, more evocative than just "Armor".

Marathon Voter Season 8

Hey, and thanks for taking time to edit my item! It looks great.

My original idea for this armor/cloak was the visual, but when I started to think about the mechanics I wanted to provide the wearer means to move around swiftly and also to provide minor battlefield support with the concealment. Plus the ability to participate in the battle by becoming an actual raven swarm for a few rounds per day. I was aiming for mid-level armor, but then I somehow botched the price.

Your version is of course more of an end-game armor, and I like what you've done with it. I agree that combining the forms is a much more streamlined approach and quite honestly looks better on paper. It's also a powerful ability so making this an end-game armor is almost a must. Personally I might go back to the original divide if I tried to reduce the price. I think either approach has potential. (Though are magic items supposed to know how many hit dice the wearer has? I remember someone mentioning that this is frowned upon.)

As to the criticism that it needs to be more armor-like, I have been toying with the idea of being able to turn into the gaseous form shape if you've been hit in combat. Something along the lines of:

If the wearer is hit in combat he can as an immediate action transform himself into a flock of ravens. This must be done after the attack has hit, but before the damage is rolled. This works as the spell gaseous form...

This has its own problems because you're effectively auto-avoiding attacks. Well, at least in early levels. However, the time limit of 1 minute at minimum would still apply, so you would avoid the attack, but you'd also be removed from combat for 10 rounds, which I believe would balance it out. You could also shift into this form during your own turn, as normal. I'm unsure whether this approach would work and how I could word it to also include the corporeal form. That couldn't be allowed in combat because then you could shift back after a round. Plus you would take potentially less damage because of swarm traits.

And this was my second year trying. My first item was overly complex and not all that visually appealing, so I survived the cull, but didn't make it to the Top 100. Well, hopefully next year.

Thanks again for your work!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Jaragil wrote:
(Though are magic items supposed to know how many hit dice the wearer has? I remember someone mentioning that this is frowned upon.)

As far as using the HD of the wearer, I'm not sure what the official rule is for that in a magic item or when transforming into swarms. I guess I should have looked up polymorph spells in the Magic chapter. It looks like the distraction DC should have been 19. But as far as the swarm damage, I'm not sure. There is no official spell that transforms you into a swarm that I can find, but damage for polymorphed creatures is based on the new form's attacks and adds the new Strength score of the polymorphed character. The to hit is the character's attack bonus and his improved Strength or Dexterity. I'm not sure about swarms, but it seems like it should get something from the character inside of it as far as attacks and damage are concerned. The ability in the Raven Leather/Murder Swarm Armor changes the character's Str and Dex, but swarms don't care about these abilities when it comes to attacks and damage.

I also thought of a defensive ability like you suggested, but with a cloud of feathers or a swarm of crows to protect you. But I figured the bird swarm ability was enough, especially when I pumped it up to be more powerful.

And you're welcome and I'm glad you liked it. I liked yours too and it is among my favorites I've edited so far, but my edit is not among my favorite edits. The mojo from original to edit is not as wide as some of the others.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

JK Ironak wrote:

Ring of forgotten acquaintance

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot ring slot; Price 7,000 gp; Weight — lbs.
Description
This ring grants you a +5 competence bonus on Bluff and Diplomacy checks, but only against a person who's history you know (or guess correctly). You have to start the conversation with something akin to: "Don't I know you from..." and name an actually place/organisation etc. where the person used to live/work for. They will be, for a short while, convinced they met you before, but forgot all about you. The confusion and embarrassment will make the Diplomacy and Bluff checks easier.
Construction
Requirements Forge ring, eagle’s splendor, creator must be 12th level; Cost 3,500 gp

Ring of forgotten acquaintance (Phloid Edit)

Ring of Imagined Acquaintance
Aura moderate enchantment and transmutation; CL 10th
Slot ring; Price 12,000 gp; Weight
Description
This gaudy gold and gemstone ring bears the inverse emblem of a noble house or wealthy guild house, and reeks of perfume and opulence.

When worn continuously for 24 hours, this ring attunes itself to the persona of its wearer. If it is ever removed from the finger, it looses this attunement until worn continuously for another 24 hours.

As a standard action an attuned wearer may flash the ring at a target humanoid within 50 feet forcing that target to attempt a DC 16 Will saving throw. Blind or sightless creatures are immune to this effect. Depending on the target's current attitude toward the wearer, it receives a bonus or penalty to this save: Hostile +8, Unfriendly +4, Indifferent +0, Friendly -1, Helpful -3.

If the target fails the save, the wearer telepathically plants a name and/or an organization into the target's mind. The target believes wholly and surely that he knows the wearer by that name from a friendly dealing with his family or organization. This increases the target's attitude toward the wearer by one step and grants the wearer a +4 circumstance bonus to Bluff and Diplomacy checks toward the target. Additionally, the target takes a -2 penalty to Will saving throws against mind-affecting effects originating from the wearer. This is a mind-affecting charm effect.

Only one target may be affected by the ring at a time. To end the effects the wearer must take off the ring only briefly. The target is suddenly no longer convinced of his memories and his attitude toward the formerly attuned owner drops by two steps.

Construction
Requirements Forge ring, eagle’s splendor, modify memory; Cost 6,000 gp

Spoiler:
I'm sure you are aware by now that skill bonuses are not interesting and not really superstar. I get that your item tried to use some unique methods to add some extra RP to things, but encouraging RP should be done in more subtle ways. Magic items should be about the game mechanics and standard effects.

Unfortunately, this is pretty hard item to turn into something approaching superstar status. Social items are just hard and there is very little that has not already been done. For my edit I took the general idea and added more mechanics to it. In the end, there is nothing that this does that would not likely be done better than a Charm Person spell. This effect is permanent until the wearer removes the ring, and improves the chance chance to get other mind-effecting effects to work, but overall it is kind of mundane. I don't think an item like this has much of a chance of RPGSS top 32, but might be worthy of a book of magic items.

There were some template errors in the original. I'm not sure why the creator must be 12th level. I appreciate your ambition here but there are some general no no's in this item and to edit this I will have to add a lot. It appears from you posts that this is your first attempt at RPGSS and the first magic item you've ever written. It took guts to enter. And it took guts to post for critique and one of my edits. The willingness and ability to take criticism is a great quality for a freelancer to have. It is great that you entered and I bet with all you learn from the forums this year, you will come back with something awesome for next year. Good luck in RPGSS 2016.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

James Casey wrote:

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller

Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 14th
Slot none; Price 48,830 gp; Weight 4lbs.
DESCRIPTION
This +2 defending scimitar appears sand-blasted and pitted from lack of proper care. Upon closer inspection the blade appears to shift and swirl like sand on the desert wind. The weapon feels lighter than normal and glowing yellow motes of dust seem to trail in its wake when wielded.

When a worshiper of Sarenrae has the weapon drawn and casts a conjuration spell, a mini-sandstorm erupts from the sword, engulfing the caster’s square. This sandstorm protects the caster by providing total concealment against attacks of opportunity triggered by the casting of the spell. The sandstorm does not impair the caster’s concentration, line of sight or any other senses. The sandstorm lasts for the duration of the casting time of the spell and then dissipates.

While the sword is drawn, all creatures summoned by the wielder via spell gain the sand creature template instead of their normal template.

Sand Creature Template (CR +2)
Creatures with the sand template are formed of sand, dust and ash particles from the elemental plane of fire. A sand creature’s quick & rebuild rules are the same.

Rebuild Rules: AC increase natural armor by +5; Ability Scores +4 Str; Senses gains blindsight 60ft.; Defensive Abilities gains DR 5/bludgeoning; immunity to all mind-affecting effects; immunity to bleed, critical hits, paralysis, poison, sleep effects, sneak attacks, and stunning. Vulnerability to Water

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, ash storm, dust form; must be a worshiper of Sarenrae; cost 24,415 gp

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller (James Casey's Edit)

James Casey wrote:

I think this would have been a stronger entry. Similar concept but focused a bit more.

Sarenrae’s Desert Defender
Aura strong abjuration and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 62,315 gp; Weight 4lbs.
DESCRIPTION
The blade of this +3 defending scimitar appears to shift and swirl like sand on the desert wind. The weapon feels lighter than normal and glowing yellow motes of dust seem to trail in its wake when wielded.

When a worshiper of Sarenrae has the weapon drawn and casts a conjuration spell, a mini-sandstorm erupts from the sword, engulfing the caster’s square. While the sandstorm is active, it provides the caster total concealment against melee and ranged attacks of opportunity triggered by the casting of the spell. The sandstorm does not impair the caster’s line of sight or movement. If the caster moves during the casting of the spell, the sandstorm travels with the caster. The sandstorm lasts for the duration of the casting time of the spell and then dissipates.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, ash storm, shield; creator must be a worshiper of Sarenrae ; cost 31,000 gp

Sarenrae’s Desert Defender (Phloid Edit)

Sarenrae’s Scimitar of Summoning
Aura moderate evocation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 67,315 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
No matter what its surroundings, the blade of this +3 flaming scimitar seems to reflect the fires of the sun, the flames flickering off as it swings through the air.

Whenever a proficient wielder casts a summoning spell he may sacrifice a prepared spell or daily spell slot as a free action to augment the summoned creatures. A prepared spell so sacrificed must have the fire descriptor. Likewise, a sacrificed spell slot must be of a spell level where the wielder knows a spell with the fire descriptor. The natural attacks of the summoned creatures gain the a +1 enhancement bonus and the flaming weapon special quality for a number of rounds equal to the level of the spell sacrificed.

Once per day as a free action and as part of the somatic components of spellcasting, a proficient wielder may spin in a circle producing a whirling firestorm that erupts from the sword and surrounds her. These flames do no damage but provide total concealment to the wielder until the beginning of her next turn. The firestorm does not impede the wielder at all. If the spell the wielder casts while using this ability is a summoning spell, the natural attacks of the summoned creatures gain the +1 enhancement and the flaming special quality for 4 rounds without the need to sacrifice a spell or spell slot. A sacrificed spell using the above ability adds to this 4 round duration.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, fire shield, flame strike; Cost 33,500 gp

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller (Phloid Edit)
Sandstorm Scimitar
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 62,315 gp gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
The blade of this +1 dancing scimitar appears to swirl like sand on the desert wind, dust trailing off as it swings through the air.

Once per day as a free action while making a standard attack, or as part of the somatic components of spellcasting, a proficient wielder may spin in a circle producing a whirling sandstorm that erupts from the sword and surrounds him. This sand provides total concealment until the beginning of the wearer's next turn preventing attacks of opportunity for movement and spellcasting. The sandstorm does not impair the wielder’s vision or movement.

Additionally, three times per day as a standard action, the wielder may send forth a 15 foot cone of stinging sand. Creatures within the cone take 3d6 damage and are blinded for one round. A DC 14 Reflex save halves this damage and negates the blinded condition. The owner may activate this ability even as the scimitar dances.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, animate objects, ash storm; Cost 31,000 gp

Editor's Notes:
I want to start out by saying that there are some cool ideas in this item (both of them). I think that there was likely some missteps, but overall these are interesting items with great visuals.

I am not one well versed in Golarion lore, so as soon as I finished reading your items, I looked Sarenrae up on one of the wiki sites. I read her article looking for a mention of "sand" or "deserts" and didn't find either. Sun and flaming hair, but no sand or deserts. Certainly there is a lot of sun in the desert, but that is a loose connection. There was a mention of an Empire of Kelesh so I clicked the link and read about that desert kingdom. So that's the connection. I get it, but I'm not sure if it should have been Sarenrae themed or just desert or Empire of Kelesh themed. Does Sarenrae have a penchant for summoning creatures or conjurations spells more than other gods? The abilities come off as being from a god of air or earth and of one of fire and the sun. Though I think Golarion themes are generally good in the competition they should remain a bit loose so that they can be applied to other powers without too much trouble. I think in this case it may not have been as tight as it should have been in some ways and maybe a stretch in others. Obviously there is more Sarenrae lore than what is on the wiki, but with my limited knowledge it doesn't quite seem to fit. I'm sure I'm not the only voter who would be in this situation. Some of the critiques of your items also seemed to feel the same way. To put it in the terms of the Earth religions, it would almost be like assigning a sand/desert theme to Islam (or any of the Abrahamic religions) because it originated in the desert or is currently practiced there. I read your post about your own character who worships a deity close to Sarenrae. Is it possible that that deity is more sand and desert related than Sarenrae is and perhaps you conferred too much on to the sun goddess of Golarion for this item because she is primarily worshiped in a desert kingdom?

The original item had too much description in my opinion. I keep all my items limited to one sentence of description. This is often a hard thing to do and still get all the awesomeness you envision into it, but I think it is worth it.

On to the powers. As interesting as I think it is to create a monster template and I think it is a cool and interesting addition to templates, I'm not sure RPGSS is the place to do this. You also don't want to put a new spell in your item description. You could have done a very similar thing without introducing a creature template by just stating the few properties that makes it what it is. The template is quite a bit more powerful that the celestial or fiendish template that it replaces and there is no limitation to it. All you have to do is have the weapon drawn. You should have shot for CR +0 or +1 like the other two templates. I don't really get some of the additions. Why does a creature made of sand get +5 AC and +4 Str? DR yes, but better AC? The other powers seem to make sense. But I digress.

It also seems too good to have the first ability happen every time they cast a conjuration spell without a daily limit or something. It makes you immune to AOOs from casting. That's really good. Maybe everytime they cast a summoning spell, but all conjurations? Healing spells are conjurations. I think it is just too good to be unlimited.

I do think it is fine to make a deity based magic weapon, meant for her clerics, to have spellcasting abilities, but perhaps not a great choice for RPGSS because you will have voters questioning it.

There were a couple minor template errors (missing space, lack of capitalization). Forgot to change the power level from strong to moderate in the second version. Missed abjuration and the shield spell in the first version, but you likely picked up on that for the second.

When looking to edit this item, I'm wasn't sure which way to go. Do I try to push it closer to a Sarenrae theme? To do that would likely cut some or all of the sand which is the main theme. Can I use fire instead? Do I cut Sarenrae out? Then it will lose its last reason to be a scimitar, and likely end up as a rod or staff meant for a wider spellcasting group (which might also include Sarenrae). Do I concentrate on the spellcasting mechanics or the sand and whirlwind mechanics? I think the former is the better option, though I am loath to totally change the item type. So since you gave me two items I'll give you two items back. Both are simple and kind of a step away from your item, but take your theme and a similar mechanic in each of them. There is probably more mojo in your item overall, but without as many theming issues. I actually did three, but the third was another step away and I spinned it into one of the others. Even the one I kept tied to Sarenrae seems a little to much like a rod or wondrous item but at least it has the flaming ability and grants the flaming ability too. The duration for this seems like it might be too short, but with 3 (1d3) flaming creatures it might seem long enough. Forgive the triple alliteration in the name. It could not be helped and get Sarenrae in there.

As far as pricing goes, I didn't mess with it or recalculate it. Two items was enough and I have just been eyeballing the prices. I'm still confused which one you are supposed to add the cost of the masterwork weapon. The SRD seems to say one thing for weapons and the other for armor, which doesn't make sense. And there are examples in the magic items that have it in both the cost and price, and others that only have it in the cost. I don't know. Looks like you did it to both in the first one (doubling it in the price) and the price only in the second one. I followed the second model, but I'm still not sure what is right.

Overall, you had some good ideas here, but I'm not sure they were put together quite right. It was hard to edit without running into the same issues. Watch to make sure your themeing is spot on and I'm sure you will be in the top 32 again soon. Good luck in RPGSS 2016.

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8 aka Jrcmarine

Thank you very much for the edit Nickolas. It was not only excellent, I feel it was spot on. I wish I had had more time this year and more people to bounce my idea.

The sandstorm was really meant to protect healers while they are in the middle of melee. I play several clerics who wade into melee. While in melee I liked the idea of a healer having the protection of the sand. I think what I should have done is actually done an x/day, similar to the re-write you gave. I think 1/day is a bit under-powered if the item is tied to a specific deity and would rather see 3/day or 1+CHA modifier or something similar to the domain power usage. I could even see sacrificing a channel slot to cause the effect.

I liked the edit of the first entry but wanted to stay with the sand theme. I think swirling mini-sandstorms give a very strong visual and are unique in the game. There really aren't any effects in the game that truly replicate what I was looking for. Or at least I couldn't find them. Anyway, I like the edits and appreciate the time and thought you put into them and the critique.

THANK YOU!

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8

...so close now!


Would love for you to have a go at mine, as well.

Campaign Staff

Spoiler:

Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 143,000gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This stout iron-bound oak staff is topped by a fist-sized knob of polished granite, carved so that the entire staff resembles a castle watch-tower of worked stone. Inspired by the fluid nature of magical warfare, a campaign staff allows its wielder to function effectively in both offensive and defensive siege roles via access to the following spells:
  • rampart (2 charges)
  • move earth (2 charges)
  • transmute mud to rock (2 charges)
  • transmute rock to mud (2 charges)
  • wall of stone (1 charge)
  • magic siege weapon, greater (1 charge)

The wielder may also spend charges to summon Medium, Large, or Huge earth elementals to serve as assistants to repair damaged structures, clear heavy debris, or wreak havoc on the enemy.
  • 1 charge – 1 Medium earth elemental
  • 2 charges – 1 Large or 2 Medium earth elementals
  • 3 charges – 1 Huge or 2 Large or 4 Medium earth elementals

Summoned elementals remain for 10 rounds and only one such summoning can be active at any time.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, magic siege weapon, greater, move earth, rampart, summon monster VI, transmute mud to rock, transmute rock to mud, wall of stoneCost 71,500gp

Thanks!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Mikael Sebag wrote:

Enlightened Jian

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 29,335 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Swirling, cloudlike engravings run the length of this slender, almost weightless +2 mithral temple sword.

A monk who attacks with this elegant blade may use his Wisdom modifier instead of his Strength modifier on attack and weapon damage rolls. A monk also treats the blade as a monk weapon for use in his flurry of blows.

As part of a regular move action, the wielder can spend 1 ki point to gain the benefits of air walk (as the spell) until the start of his next turn. He may spend 1 additional ki point at the start of each turn as a free action to maintain the effect, up to a maximum number of consecutive rounds equal to his Wisdom modifier (minimum 1).

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, air walk, spiritual weapon, creator must be a monk; Cost 15,675 gp

Enlightened Jian (Phloid Edit)

Jian of Enlightened Steps
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 12th
Slot none; Price 39,335 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description

Swirling, cloud-like engravings run the length of this slender, feather-weight +2 ki intensifying mithral longsword.

The jian of enlightened steps ignores 5 points of hardness when attacking inanimate objects, even those carried by creatures. The wielder may spend 1 ki point to apply this ability to creatures with hardness, or to ignore up to 10 hardness on inanimate objects, for a number of rounds equal to his Wisdom modifier (minimum 1).

While moving as part of a move action, the wielder can spend 1 ki point to gain the benefits of air walk (as the spell) until the start of his next turn. He may spend 1 additional ki point at the start of each turn as a free action to maintain the effect. After activating or maintaining this ability and before his next turn, the wielder can come to stand on the most precarious of surfaces such as swaying twigs or grass as though he were a creature of Fine size and 1/1000 his weight. He may stand there as if on a solid platform that is able to sway with the wind, for up to one minute. He may jump from this perch, but leaving that five foot square without spending another ki point to [I]air walk]/I] returns normal weight and gravity to the wielder.

Construction
Requirements Cloud Step, Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Spider Step, creator must be a monk of at least 12th level; Cost 20,675 gp

Editor's Notes:
Interesting. Makes me want to go watch Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon again. Good name too. Has a double meaning. I love that. It is really well done, especially for being rushed.

There are some issues that you critiques pointed out. First, monks are not proficient with long swords. This could have been easily taken care of with a few words, or by changing it to a temple sword, a nine ring broadsword or a pair of butterfly swords, but the Green Destiny was definitely a longsword. Of course it might have been better to step away from this association. Air Walk is a weird spell to be tied to a sword, though it does fit your theme. Footwear seems to be more likely of course. The Green Destiny did not make them able to leap about and stand on the lightest tree branches, but it was their own power and force of will which is represented by the use of Ki so I mostly give this a pass. I don't care for the Wisdom substituting for Strength. That kind of mechanic is really easy to do and can often break the game. The monk already uses his Wisdom bonus enough to not have him get it to attacks and damage too. And monks cannot cast these spells so it would have to multiclass with these requirements. Some did not like the name, but I think it was clever, and at least one other thought it was great. As was pointed out by several critiques, this theme is not really original, but might be something that has not been fully explored within the rules. That being said, this should be explored with an archetype or a prestige class and likely not a magic item, or at least not a sword alone.

I'm not very well versed in the wuxia genre. I loved Crouching Tiger and I've seen House of Flying Daggers (but don't recall it very well), but that's about it. That being the case, I'm not sure what other abilities would fit for this item.

My approach to editing this item was to fix some of the parts that didn't jive with critics and maybe add something to it. I pondered it for a couple hours and the only thing I could think to do to it was to allow the wielder to stand of the smallest of surfaces as though he were much smaller. It is not that great and does not add much to the item. I also took the suggestion of one of the critiques and added an ability to ignore hardness while cutting the Wisdom bonus to attacks. I love the scene in CTHD when she uses the Green Destiny to slice the swords of the two guys who were trying to intimidate her. Then I also added the Ki Intensifying special quality which seemed appropriate (or ki focus). This raised the price, but I'm just eyeballing the costs for time. It seems like it should only be created by monks, but of course monks don't cast these spells. I searched through the feats available to monks and found Cloud Step (which increased the caster level). This of course kind of puts a damper on the sword's main ability since 12th level monks can just take the two feats to do something very similar, but it works for Requirements instead of spells. Some loved the name and others hated it, so I changed the name, but left it somewhat the same too hoping to please everyone. With the name change I alluded to the air walk ability to try and tie it a little closer to the sword. That's the best I can do to edit this item.

I really liked your original item even though I don't think it was or could quite be superstar, mostly for the point that it should not be a sword and would be better as an archetype or prestige class (and there is already a feat that mimics its main ability). There is no helping that in this competition. This was one of my favorite original items I've edited on this thread, but not one of my favorite edits. It just did not add that much to the mojo. Anyway, great job and I can't wait to see what you come with next year. Good luck in RPGSS 2016.

Champion Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
"Nickolas Floyd wrote:
monks cannot cast these spells so it would have to multiclass with these requirements.

Two things to think about.

First, a monk with craft as a skill could take the Master Craftsman feat and make it.
Second, anyone with Craft Magic Arms and Armor could make it with a +5 to the DC.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Azouth wrote:
"Nickolas Floyd wrote:
monks cannot cast these spells so it would have to multiclass with these requirements.

Two things to think about.

First, a monk with craft as a skill could take the Master Craftsman feat and make it.
Second, anyone with Craft Magic Arms and Armor could make it with a +5 to the DC.

Well, that's true, and I'm aware. Note that you have to take Master Craftman as a monk before you can take Craft Magic Arms and Armor. I just said that in my stream of consciousness notes. And that's not something that would be in the requirements for a item. If you want to restrict an item to be created by a non-spellcasting class or a specific race not necessitating a spell-casting class, you have a few options. Feats (especially class specific feats), or class features. Or just say "creator must be a monk" or "a dwarf." In the latter case, these have some class or race like ability and not a spell ability. And in this particular case, Air Walk should be a requirement but if you want to say that its creator must be a monk, you should find another way to do it in the requirements if you can.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

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Lucus Palosaari wrote:

Dynamic Staff

Aura moderate varies; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This plain wooden staff bears archaic sigils burnt into its surface, that change to reflect the spells currently contained within the staff. Unlike most staves, which have a static set of spells that can be cast from them, a dynamic staff holds three spells that can be changed by the wielder daily. The staff allows use of these three spells through the normal means of wielding a staff, except that they consume a number of charges from the dynamic staff equal to their spell level.
When a spellcaster imbues this staff with a spell to recharge it, the chosen spell replaces one of the three possible spells that can be cast from this staff (spellcaster’s choice). Imbuing a spell that the staff already possesses simply recharges it. Rather than regaining a single charge when imbued, the dynamic staff gains one charge per spell level of the prepared spell or slot expended. The staff can never gain more than 10 charges, with additional charges being lost. This imbuing counts as the spellcaster's one imbuing of a staff per day. Spells with expensive material components can never be imbued into the dynamic staff, simply failing to be cast if used.
For a randomly generated staff, treat it as a scroll to determine what three spells are stored in it.
A spellcaster who selects the dynamic staff as their bonded object can replace any one spell in the staff with the spell they cast from their spellbook using the bonded staff as they are casting it.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, limited wish; Cost 10,000 gp

Dynamic Staff (Phloid Edit)

Metastaff
Aura moderate varies; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 62,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The surface of this smooth oaken staff is branded with arcane sigils that betray the spells currently stored inside and are magically changed when a spell is replaced. When a metastaff is found it contains three spells of sixth level or lower from a single class's spell list. The spells contained within can be determined with a minute of observation and a DC 20 Knowledge (arcana) without need for detect magic.

Unlike most staves, a metastaff can hold up to three spells of 6th level or lower that can be changed by the owner. Adding or changing a spell inside the staff can be done in lieu of recharging a staff when the owner prepares spells or regains spell slots and counts as the spellcaster's staff imbuing for the day. If the staff already contains three spells, one is chosen to be replaced. The spell to be added must be one the owner can prepare or cast spontaneously, and he must forgo one prepared spell or spell slot of a level equal to the spell being added. Metamagic feats may be used to augment a spell added to the staff. This increases the caster level of the spell imbued and the spell or spell slot sacrificed to place the spell as per the individual metamagic feat, but cannot increase the spell level above the 6th level maximum. The staff can be recharged as a normal staff instead of changing a spell.

• 0 or 1st level spell (1 charge)
• 2nd or 3rd level spell (2 charges)
• 4th or 5th level spell (3 charges)
• 6th level spell (4 charges)

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, any two metamagic feats, mnemonic enhancer or imbue with spell ability; Cost 31,000 gp

Editor's Notes:
This is an interesting take on a staff. In reading it, I'm not sure what to think of the mechanics. I usually take some notes before reading the critiques, but all I can say is that things can be made clearer and probably a change to the charge/recharge mechanics as they don't quite feel staff like. I'll take more notes when I see what others have to say about it.

And after reading the reviews and commentary, my thoughts were verified and expounded upon. Though the idea is cool, there are definite balance and abuse issues. In editing this item I am going to try and tweak the mechanics and try to bring them more inline with the standard staff rules while limiting its power.

I decided to limit the spells up to 6th level and make charge costs based on spell level. These escalate a little fast maybe but due to the versatility of this staff I feel they are appropriate. I also added the ability to add metamagic feats to the spells put into the staff. "Dynamic Staff" was not a terrible name, but with this added ability I thought "Metastaff" was maybe a better fit. There were likely metagame issues with the original where it could recharge the staff and change a spell at the same time. Though it may have worked, it also broke the mold for staves and the number of charges added and spent. I tried to curb these issues by making the changing of a spell use up the daily staff recharge without adding a charge. This still allows the owner to change its staff spells to all 0 and 1st level spells so that charging it takes a weaker spell that the caster might not miss so much, but this does take at least two extra days (at least one to get rid of the highest level spell, and one to put it back) so I think this self balances. All staves favor campaigns with frequent down time, and these loses of a couple days will not always be worth while. To replace your last line, I also nearly added this ability:

Quote:
Once per day, a spellcaster who has chosen the metastaff as their bonded object can cast any spell from their spellbook or one of their spells known as if it were one of the spells in the staff. This spell must be of 6th level or lower and costs the appropriate number of charges.

But I thought it was likely as step too far and was considering cutting it. Word count issues made this an even easier choice.

Overall, the original was an interesting idea that maybe went a step to far in some areas. As far as the edit goes, I still get the feeling that this kind of breaks the staff rules too much, but the ability to add metamagic feats to these spells (which may have not been completely banned in the original, though it did not elaborate) does give it some interesting options as far as staves go. Anyway, I hope you like where I took your item. It was interesting to explore and shows that you have some great ideas. I wish you luck in next years competition.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Nickolas Floyd wrote:
Lucus Palosaari wrote:

Dynamic Staff

Dynamic Staff (Phloid Edit)

Metastaff
Aura moderate varies; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 62,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
The surface of this smooth oaken staff is branded with arcane sigils that betray the spells currently stored inside and are magically changed when a spell is replaced. When a metastaff is found it contains three spells of sixth level or lower from a single class's spell list. The spells contained within can be determined with a minute of observation and a DC 20 Knowledge (arcana) without need for detect magic.
Unlike most staves, a metastaff can hold up to three spells of 6th level or lower that can be changed by the owner. Adding or changing a spell inside the staff can be done in lieu of recharging a staff when the owner prepares spells or regains spell slots and counts as the spellcaster's staff imbuing for the day. If the staff already contains three spells, one is chosen to be replaced. The spell to be added must be one the owner can prepare or cast spontaneously, and he must forgo one prepared spell or spell slot of a level equal to the spell being added. Metamagic feats may be used to augment a spell added to the staff. This increases the caster level of the spell imbued and the spell or spell slot sacrificed to place the spell as per the individual metamagic feat, but cannot increase the spell level above the 6th level maximum. The staff can be recharged as a normal staff instead of changing a spell.

• 0 or 1st level spell (1 charge)
• 2nd or 3rd level spell (2 charges)
• 4th or 5th level spell (3 charges)
• 6th level spell (4 charges)

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, any two metamagic feats, mnemonic enhancer or imbue with spell ability; Cost 31,000 gp

I really like your version, and your rationale for adjustments are sound. A number of others made similar comments/observations and especially after various back and forth, the core concept is a little broken, so making a staff like this that is still really a staff, etc. just gets really tricky!

Only thing I'd alter is the name, as this is one of those items where metagaming is a concern, I wouldn't want to do anything to remind the users of that, but I even like your rationale for why/what you changed the name to.

Thank you so much for doing this!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Lucus Palosaari wrote:

Only thing I'd alter is the name, as this is one of those items where metagaming is a concern, I wouldn't want to do anything to remind the users of that, but I even like your rationale for why/what you changed the name to.

Thank you so much for doing this!

lol. Totally. I should have called it the Metagame Staff.

And your welcome. Keep up the good work.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Eremite Rod

Aura strong necromancy; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 58,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This bone rod, made from a bleached humanoid tibia, has a meager amount of sinew running its length and jagged shards of metal protruding from the tibia's head. Chain-like shadowy glyphs wrap the exposed bone surface, twisting and undulating in areas of bright light. The wielder can cast up to three spells per day that gain the pain descriptor and creatures that take damage from the spells must make an additional Fort save. On a failed save, a creature takes 1d4 bleed damage and suffers from pain while bleeding. The pain causes the creature to take a –2 penalty to AC, attacks, and Reflex saving throws, and must succeed at a concentration check to cast spells. The additional Fort save and the concentration check uses the spell's DC. Increase the DC by 1 if the spell has the evil, lawful, or shadow descriptor.

This rod acts as a +2 wounding bone light mace that can deal ability damage on a critical hit. The wielder may choose to eviscerate the target instead of the extra damage dealt by a critical hit. If eviscerated, the wielder chooses an ability score that takes 1d4 points of ability damage.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Rod, bleed, howling agony; Cost 29,000 gp

Eremite Rod (Thomas LeBlanc Edit)

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Eremite Rod

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 58,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This bone rod, made from a bleached humanoid tibia, has sinew running its length and jagged shards of metal protruding from the tibia's head. Chain-like glyphs wrap the exposed bone surface, writhing in areas of bright light. The wielder can cast up to three spells per day that gain the pain descriptor and if the spell has the evil, lawful, or shadow descriptor, add +1 to the Difficulty Class for the saving throw. Creatures that take any hit point damage from the spells must make an additional Fort save. On a failed save, a creature takes 2d4 bleed damage in addition to the damage dealt by the spell.

This rod acts as a +2 wounding bone light mace that can eviscerate the target instead of dealing extra damage on a critical hit. Eviscerating the target allows the wielder to deal 1d4 points of ability damage to Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Rod, bleed, disfiguring touch; Cost 29,000 gp

Eremite Rod (Phloid Edit)

Rod of the Elder Kyton
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 52,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
Covered in shadowy, chain-like glyphs that ungulate in the light, this rod is crafted from a humanoid tibia with jagged shards of steel protruding from the tibia's head.

Three times per day as a free action, the wielder may augment a damage dealing spell he casts to cause bleeding and extreme pain that hampers normal function. If the augmented spell has the evil, lawful, shadow, or pain descriptor, any save DCs of that spell increase by 1. Creatures that take damage from the spell must succeed at an additional Fortitude save at the spell's DC, or take 1d6 bleed damage and be sickened by pain for as long as it bleeds. While sickened by this effect creatures must succeed at a concentration check to cast spells. This manifests as an effect related to the augmented spell. Sonic spells causes the ears to bleed; cold spells cause cracked and bleeding frostbite; fire spells cause bleeding blisters; et cetera. This is a pain effect and creatures immune to bleed are also immune to this effect.

The rod of the elder kyton acts as a +1 wounding bone light mace. On a critical hit, the blade fragments excise a bit of flesh or a part of an internal organ from the victim causing the bleed damage from the wounding ability to become Strength, Dexterity, or Constitution damage (wielder's choice).

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Craft Rod, bleed, symbol of pain; Cost 26,000 gp

Editor's Notes:
My initial impression with the submitted version is that it does an interesting and as far as I know a fairly unique thing in adding a descriptor to a spell. The descriptor that it adds is a lessor used one and a more recent addition to the game. That means it will less likely do anything to make the spell special or have any additional effect. I'd like something in the description of the effect to explain how a spell dealing cold damage or sonic damage (or other damage) causes extra pain and bleed damage. I can imagine ways, but a line that picks the most interesting damage type and give an etc cetera statement. The language on the ability is a little loose. I would also just use a condition or pair of conditions that make sense for someone being in pain. I see that you are mimicking most of the effects of the Howling Agony spell. Of course it would have been easier just to use the spell, but slightly less superstar as a SIAC item. This is really a villain item. This should be avoided in RPGSS as most people are interested in a hero item. I really didn't get the name. I looked up "Eremite" and from both Google and Webster's, and it is a Christian hermit who wanders the desert as a test of faith. This just confused me more. Finally, a search of the SRD said it is a very high CR Kyton from the Bestiary 3 that has an evisceration ability. When I see a word I don't know I look it up on Google first. I would also recommend that if you use a name that seems like a made up word, do a search or two online to make sure that the term does not mean something else as well. If you are themeing a magic item toward a monster, I would recommend using a well known monster from the Bestiary. Not all voters own the Bestiary 3. I don't own one and even if I did I would have probably skipped reading the Eremite because it is a high level and a fiend, two things I am not interested in for my games. I'm not saying I'm the majority in these things, but it seems like using the Eremite has several strikes against it. Though evocative, I think the description in your item is too long. I'm a big believer in keeping descriptions to one sentence. A strong aura is 13th level or higher but you probably realized that when you edited your item.

Taking a look at the critiques of the original item, the feedback was mixed. It was pointed out that there are a lot of things to track here and that there were some powerful effects in some abilities. One of my approaches to editing this item was to cut down on those some. As far as the ability goes, it does seem like it is almost a metamagic rod. If we were not constrained by the rules of the contest I would say make Pain Spell into a feat and make a metamagic rod that uses it. But that is not very superstar and you did some other things with this item. My favorite part of this item is how it uses descriptors in the mechanics. I'm not sure how original this is, but I'm all for ways to use spell descriptors more. That being said, when a magic item ability has a descriptor associated with it it comes in a line at the end of the effect, and though this ability modifies a spell, I see no reason it could not come at the end of ability. The evisceration ability is kind of a monster ability in a can, but that is sometimes ok. The ability is however pretty powerful as some have pointed out. You limited the ability scores to the physical ability scores in your edited version which is an improvement. I do think that the 2d4 bleed damage is a bit much though and would have rather you kept it at 1d4 or went to 1d6. In my edit, I tied it into the wounding ability but changed it to ability damage. This both separates it more from the Eremite ability and ties it to the weapon more. I lowered the enhancement bonus to keep the power down some as well.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Covent wrote:

Dreaming Star

Aura strong illusion (shadow); CL 17th
Slot ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight
Description
Coalesced from purest ether, shining with a flickering multi-hued corona of palest starlight, a dreaming star resembling a constantly transforming gemstone, rests in a delicate and intricate ring setting reminiscent of the night sky, which channels its unfettered power.
The wearer of a dreaming star may once per day, upon command, evoke from herself or a willing or unconscious subject, whom she can touch, a dream or fantasy which she forces into reality.

For a number of minutes equal to the wearer’s charisma score the evoked fantasy manifests as if created via shades used to emulate create demiplane. Individuals, details, and items within the dream are as if created with persistent image, with the exceptions of adding tactile sensory feedback and operating as they would in the dream rather than to a script.

The wearer of a dreaming star may as a full round action choose to destroy the star while it is manifesting a dream so as to allow her to select one item or person from that fantasy and grant them a permanent form. Items created by this use of a dreaming star may not have a sale value greater than that of the star. Individuals created thus are as created by Simulacrum using the bearer’s level as caster level, with the exception that they maintain their own free will and are only as loyal to the bearer of the star as they were in the dream that created them.

This use of the dreaming star immediately ends any dream or fantasy currently manifested by the star.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, persistent image, shades, simulacrum; Cost 25,000 gp

Dreaming Star (Phloid Edit)

Ring of Manifest Fantasy
Aura strong illusion; CL 17th
Slot ring; Price 120,000 gp; Weight
Description
Coalesced from motes of stardust and shining with a multi-hued corona, this delicate ring is set with a large gemstone that appears to transform before the eyes.

Once per day as a standard action, the wearer of this ring can conjure a dream or fantasy into reality. This conjured vision must come from the wearer's mind or the mind of a willing or unconscious creature touched. This functions as the shades spell used to emulate create demiplane, and both the dreamer and the ring's wearer must enter this dream realm. The details of the dream, including characters, environments, and objects, are as if created with persistent image except that tactile perception is included and it does not follow a set script but the will of a willing subject or the subconscious of an unconscious subject. An unconscious, unwilling dreamer may succeed at a DC 20 Will save to control the dream. This effect lasts for up to 1 round per level of the dreamer.

As a full round action that ends a manifested fantasy, the wearer may destroy the ring in order to bring one item or character from that dream into reality. Items created in this way are made of shadow and may not have a price value greater than 2,500 gp per level of the dreamer. Characters brought to life this way are as created by the simulacrum spell except that it is granted its own free will. Its personality and loyalties are otherwise as they were in the dream. A completely fictional character created in this way may not have more levels or HD than the dreamer that created them.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, persistent image, shades, simulacrum; Cost 60,000 gp

Editor's Notes:
This item was hard to read. The the word choice is odd and that makes it hard to understand in a number of places. Evocative and interesting words are fine in the description, but this item looks like the writer was trying too hard to impress with a large vocabulary which makes it seem muddled. A sentence with more than two commas should usually be broken into two sentences. The first two sentences have four commas apiece. The readability is less of a problem as the description nears the end. One thing I will try to approach with my edit is to simplify the wording while trying to retain the interesting writing. One of the judges stated that this item's powers seem more in line with an artifact and I have to agree with that statement. Someone else mentioned that this gives a PC more creative control of the game than is desirable. I also agree with this. It just seems to go too far in my opinion. There are some interesting ideas to be sure, but it breaks the mold of what a magic item is. There also doesn't seem to be a compelling reason for this to be a ring.

That being said, I am keeping it ring for lack of a better item that is legal for this years RPGSS. And I'm resisting the urge to make it a minor artifact for the same reason. Removing those restrictions and I would turn it into a dreamcatcher-like object or a bedroll or something and a minor artifact for sure. I am also tempted to add a conjuration spell such as Major Creation or even Wish of Limited Wish to explain how it can make objects real, but since Shades can duplicate this effect (sort of) I'll let it pass with a mention of shadow stuff in the description. I'm also increasing the Price since it is not an artifact, but it has nearly god-like powers. The item is immensely complex and requires the reader to reference four fairly high level spells to get how it works. This is one item where I would definitely recommend hyperlinking to make this easier for voters.

All in all, I REALLLY LIKE this item. it could be super creepy and a great plot device. It makes me think of Inception and has some cool applications. For all the reasons above, I don't really think it is a contender for RPGSS, but it is really interesting and fun and I didn't want to ruin that. I did want to change the name, but names are not my strongest area. Anyway, I hope you like the minor changes and additions I added to your awesome item. Good luck with next year's competition.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

You do a wonderful job with everything you edit but the name... I almost universally hate the redesign name.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

GM_Solspiral wrote:
You do a wonderful job with everything you edit but the name... I almost universally hate the redesign name.

Yeah, names are not my best area, but I only change them when I feel the original name doesn't quite fit or misleads in some way. I usually don't love my names either, but it is somewhat more subjective than mechanics. But thanks for the compliment.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Oggron wrote:

Foe Stitcher

Aura Moderate Conjuration; CL 9th [Price 15,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
According to legend this weapon once belonged to a cruel fey queen.
This oversized needle counts as a +2 silver rapier. Whenever Foe Stitcher deals piercing damage to an enemy, it creates a silver thread that connects the weapon to its victim. This thread counts as invisible except to the wielder of Foe Stitcher or those under the effect of See Invisibility or an equivalent and possesses a maximum length of 200ft. The thread possesses hardness 5 and 12 hp, it can be cut through by the usual means or with a dc 25 strength check.

Any enemy inflicted with a silver thread can be subject to a Drag maneuver at range as a Standard action. This can be modified with feats as per the Drag maneuver.
Whenever a second enemy is damaged with Foe Stitcher, the first enemy damaged becomes subject to a ranged drag attempt as a free action. Treat the second enemy as the one initiating the drag maneuver for moving the first enemy. Enemies affected by this ability cannot move farther away from each other than the distance they were apart when the ability was used, without first breaking the thread connecting them. Subsequent drag attempts by the wielder continue to target the first enemy struck. Only two enemies can be effected by this ability at once. If enemies would be dragged into adjacent squares as a result of this ability they are sewn together, which causes them to count as entangled in addition to the restricted movement.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Animate Rope, Chain of Perdition
Cost 7,500gp

Foe Stitcher (Phloid Edit)

Foe Stitcher
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 5th
Price 25,320 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Though augmented with a crossguard, this +2 alchemical silver rapier resembles an enormous sewing needle engraved with symbols denoting fey witches.

As a free action when the foe stitcher deals combat damage, the wielder may cause it to create an invisible magic thread that connects the weapon to its victim unless that victim succeeds at a DC 14 Reflex save. If the save succeeds, the victim is immune to this ability for 24 hours. Failure causes the victim to be entangled and connected by the thread. This thread can be seen by the wielder and as a standard action, he can grab the thread and pull to use the drag combat maneuver on the victim. Unless they are adjacent, the wielder does not take an attack of opportunity from the victim and does not need to move with the victim. The thread can be seen by any means that would thwart the invisibility spell and has and AC of 10, hardness 5, and 12 hit points. It can be broken with a DC 25 Strength check and automatically breaks if it extends beyond 170 feet. The thread dissipates after 10 rounds.

If a second victim is connected, the wielder's drag maneuver effects both victims and moves them closer to each other when successful instead of toward the wielder. Both entangled victims cannot move any distance away from each other while they are entangled, but may use the drag maneuver on each other as a move action. The foe stitcher can only entangle two victims at any one time and connecting a third victim automatically frees the first.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, animate rope, chain of perdition
Cost 12,820 gp

Editor's Notes:
Interesting concept. Really good for being written on your iphone during a break from gaming. It actually has a similar name and somewhat similar function to my own item this year. Mine was a little goofier though. The line about belonging to a fey queen is a no, no for magic items. Background should be avoided and this makes it seem like there is only one of these items when they should be able to be created by anyone many times over. In the future, avoid saying that it was "owned by," or "created by," or even "favored by." Don't tell the reader what happened to it before the PCs got it, but what it looks like at that time. This description can have subtle hints or allusions to its past history, but don't state it explicitly. There were quite a few template errors in the original. I'm not going to point them out here, but I did fix them in the edit. There are a number of problems and difficulties with the mechanics, but nothing that can't be fixed. Once of your critiques mentioned that this is a rip off of Nuibari from Naruto. I've no idea. I'm not into it so I'm not going to worry whether it is or isn't and try to bring it away from that IP, but I would caution you if that was indeed your inspiration. It was pointed out that it was weird to make one foe use his CMB on another (without enchanting him or something), so my edit changed that. The aura was listed as conjuration but the two spells were evocation and transmutation.

For my edit, I tried to keep the same function but add to it. I went with a Reflex save since it is usable at every successful attack. Then I added the entangled condition right from the start since that is one of the functions of Animate Rope with its Reflex save. It is still fairly easy to escape so I hope it all balances out. Unfortunately the word count is nearly maxed out and there are still some questions that might come up in play. I wanted to add damage when the two victims are pulled together, but I went with the two being able to pull each other though it may be that they would likely work together and make this moot. I raised the price some because some critiques said it was too low and I think I increased the power some. I still don't get the price and costs of magic items and armor. The SRD seems to say two different things and official published items show different results, but I added the cost of a masterwork rapier to both. Overall, I'm not sure my version is much better, but perhaps its a little clearer and clears up a few things. This item was a great entry for a rush job. I can't wait to see what else you have. Good luck next year.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Haladir wrote:

Dirk of Treachery

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 18,302gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
The blade of this long, thin dirk appears black as night, and its hilt and crossguard are likewise unadorned and colorless. Invented by the cult of Father Skinsaw, and now favored by assassins and conspirators throughout the Inner Sea, this +1 keen dagger strikes deep when its victim is unaware of its presence. Against an opponent that is flanked, flat-footed, or denied its Dexterity bonus to AC, this weapon's enhancement bonus increases by +2.

When attacking an opponent that had considered the weilder to be a friend or ally (GM's discretion), the dirk of treachery deals an additional +2d6 pecision damage. This additional damage is not doubled on a critical hit.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, disguise self, inflict moderate wounds; Cost 9,302 gp

Dirk of Treachery (Phloid Edit)

Betrayer's Blade
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 24,302gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
Faint crimson rivulets stain this sleek +1 keen dagger resisting all measures of cleaning, and even scratching the surface away only reveals the same blood color throughout.

The betrayer's blade strikes deep when its victim is unaware of its presence, increasing its enhancement bonus to +3 against an opponent that is flanked, flat-footed, or denied its Dexterity bonus to AC.

The first time the wielder attacks a character whose current attitude toward him is Friendly or Helpful, the wielder is considered 4 levels higher for class abilities that grant extra precision based damage. Additionally, any saving throws, ability checks, or skill checks imposed on the victim or necessitated due to this attack have their DCs increased by 2. This includes Constitution checks to stabilize if this attack causes the dying condition, the Heal check to stop bleed damage caused by the attack, the Fortitude saving throw for a coup de grace, saves against poison delivered by the attack, and any class ability or feat that necessitates a save or check due to the attack.

The betrayer's blade's sleek design grants a +3 circumstance bonus to Sleight of Hand checks to conceal it upon one's person which stacks with the dagger's normal bonus to conceal. When concealed, the betrayer's blade can be drawn just as quickly as if it were not concealed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Deceitful, Quick Draw, keen edge, creator must have sneak attack or another precision based damage ability; Cost 12,302 gp

Editor's Notes:
There are a few mistakes in the original. I know you realized that you missed Keen Edge. That must have been where you got the Transmutation aura, but the two spells you did list are Illusion and Necromancy. I would have dropped the disguise self spell and maybe looked for another transmutation spell to replace Inflict. If you want to add something just for flavor, try a feat or a minimum skill ranks. You should really try to keep your items craftable with spells from a single class. There is some leeway with clerics because of their domains, but this should be only for cleric specific items. You might have that here, but I'm not going to look up whether clerics of Father Skinsaw have access to all these spells.

After reading the critiques and commentary on this item, there seems to be a consensus that this item is not a heroic PC item. Nobody wants a character in the party who is looking to stab his friends in the back and a PC who is always looking to make NPC friends who he can then stab in the back can be just as problematic. That being the case my approach to editing this item is to try and bring it more into the realm of heroic roleplaying by PCs. The Sword of Subtlety works because it enhances the rogue's key feature and does not require an RP trigger. I want to come into these lines but at the same time distance it more from the Sword of Subtlety.

Of course I cut the backstory as magic items should not have backstory. It is tempting to do so in RPGSS because you think that the judges want to see that you can come up with story elements. But these items are as though they were in a book of magic items and not an adventure path. They should be fairly generic. You can tie your item to part of Golarion lore, but not with backstory. It should be done more subtly. Use a deity in the item name, or say in the description that it bears the symbol of Desna. You can imply the type of person that would make such an item, but don't tell the reader who did. And don't be too specific. Maybe the one the party found wasn't created by the weapon smiths of Egorian because they are nowhere near Cheliax. World spanning religions and organizations are fine, but may also alienate a few voters who really don't like that part of Golarion. If the theme does not scream out association with a piece of Golarion lore (like butterflies and Desna), then avoid it.

As far as names go, everyone has their pet peeves. Some people don't like X of Y names. Some don't like Verb Noun names. You can please some of the people some of the time, blah, blah, blah... Names are important, but I would not try to avoid the traditional item naming conventions and end up with something that does not really speak to the item's function. I changed the name since no critique really loved it, but names are not my thing and I wouldn't swear by it.

I like the concept of history imprinting on items even it is not quite original. Your dagger comes off as the dagger of a traitor, while mine seems like it might be Ted Bundy's dagger, though the are functionally similar. Bonus points if you can identify the pseudo-historical betrayer who vaguely inspired my description.

With the abilities, I left the first ability alone, though reworded it. For the second ability I used the attitude rules since they are pretty easy for the GM to equate to characters since there are only five categories. Most NPCs will likely fall under Indifferent and therefore be immune, but if the character wants to schmooze a character just to backstab them, this can be done with a Diplomacy check (or Bluff done rule 0). I tied the damage not to the Bane ability but to the precision damage ability of the wielder. I wanted to add something to this because it seemed a little on the bland side so I also had it increase the DCs of effects related to this attack. This works a smattering of feats and ability options for rogues, the 20th level Master Strike, the Assassin's Death Attack, and the other listed effects. This ability is way wordier than I wanted it to be, but it was either that or it didn't do much at all without a very small set of character options. And then I added a third ability that you alluded to in your own analysis. Since daggers already get a +2 bonus to conceal, I gave it an additional +3. Then I allowed it to be drawn while concealed as though it were not concealed effectively giving the wielder Quick Draw with the dagger and allowing a wielder with Quick Draw to draw it as a free action even though it is concealed. Though it is situational, I think its power is increased some and I think your original costs might have been a little low so I increased the cost/price some. I think it is better to overshoot this a little than to come under trying to get it spot on. The creation requirements wre tricky here. There were really not very many good spells that fit, at least in the core SRD. But since this is a rogue weapon I just kept the Keen Edge spell and added some feats that fit. It is not ideal, but could be made by a 7th level rogue with the right feats. Anyway, I hope you like what I did to it and can see the reasons why I did what I did. Good luck in next year's competition.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Allana Sliwinski wrote:

Harlequin’s Hurlbat

Aura Moderate Illusion and Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot None; Price 45,000; Weight 2 lb.

Description
A well balanced steel hurlbat bound in colorful ribbons that catch the eye, it creates a distinctive whistle as it spins through the air.

This +1 returning hurlbat feels most at home in the hands of a performer. The wielder can attempt a DC 15 Perform (juggle) check as a standard action and can maintain it as a move action on subsequent rounds. Activation conjures three +1 hurlbats each with a range of 30 feet and affects the wielder with a mirror image spell creating 1d4+2 illusory doubles.

The wielder can throw a conjured hurlbat as a standard action. A struck opponent takes damage normally and must make a DC 15 Will Save or be dazed for one round as the bright ribbons disorientate them. When all three conjured hurlbats are thrown or the performance ends the mirror image doubles and conjured hurlbats disappear.

This effect may be activated 3 times per day.

A bard wielding this weapon gains the martial weapon proficiency: hurlbat; and increases the save DC for any bardic performance using this weapon by +2.

Construction Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, abundant ammunition, daze, mirror image, telekinesis; Cost 22,500 gp

Harlequin's Hurlbat (Phloid Edit)

Harlequin’s Hurlbat
Aura moderate illusion and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 45,308; Weight 3 lb.

Description
Decorated with colorful trailing ribbons, this heavy but well-balanced +1 returning hurlbat (Ranged Tactics Toolbox pg.18) makes a sharp tone when struck as well as distinctive whistles when spinning through the air.

A wielder with 5 ranks in Perform (juggling) is automatically proficient with the harlequin's hurlbat and may use it in Perform checks of any of the following categories as long as he substitutes his Dexterity modifier for his Charisma modifier: dance, juggling, percussion, and winds.

As a standard action, the wielder may toss the hurlbat above his head and succeed at a DC 15 Perform check (using any of the above categories) causing the harlequin's hurlbat to split into four identical +1 returning hurlbats. The wielder can then maintain juggling these four hurlbats as a move action each round or as a free action with a Perform check (DC 15 +1 for each previous check). While juggling, the wielder may throw the hurlbats as ranged attacks, all of them returning to be juggled again at the beginning of the wielder's next turn. Once the juggle ends all four hurlbats reform into one.

While juggling, three times per day as a standard action, the wielder can create 4 illusory doubles of himself that shuffle and merge within his space. This functions as the mirror image spell and lasts until all figments are destroyed or the juggle ends.

Construction Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, fabricate bullets (UC), mirror image, telekinesis, creator must have 5 ranks in Perform (juggling); Cost 22,808 gp

Editor's Notes:
As an alternate, I might have skipped over this item edit so as not to effect voting in case you were rotated in. For the period that you were a top 32 contestant, this would have been even more egregious. But it just so happens that I got to your item on the same day that the top 16 ere announced. I'm sorry that you did not make the cut, but as an alternate you might not have had the time and motivation that the others did right from the top 32 announcement. Alternate is one of the worst places to be after the top 32 are announced.

Anyway, I do like the concept behind your item. Very cool. Some might think it is silly, but evidently I have more appreciation for the whimsical in my rpgs than many people. I think there were some missteps and in my edit I will try to correct them while balancing it more. There were some that thought it was overpriced for how the mechanics were set up. I was shooting for about your same price. Your caster level was 7th, and you must have gotten this from the Returning ability, but Returning should be at a CL of 9th level because Telekinesis is a 5th level wizards spell. That's not your mistake as much as it is those who edited the magic item chapters of the books. I'm not sure where you got a 15 DC for the daze ability. Should have been 12 by my calculations (0 level spell plus +2 Int bonus for a caster that can cast 5th level spells). In any case I could not warrant keeping the daze ability for a number of reasons. One, your item had 4 required spells from 4 different schools of magic. Your aura technically should have been "moderate conjuration, enchantment, illusion, and transmutation. I would change the item's abilities before I put four schools into one item. For this same reason I changed Abundant Ammunition to Fabricate Bullets since it is a transmutation spell and then had the additional hurlbats transform from the oversided original. Another reason I dropped the dazing ability was that it just seemed weird that a few ribbons on the axe that hit you was the thing that dazed you. It would have made more sense if it were juggling pins (clubs?) and hit the victim in the head. It just seemed a little weird.

My fix to allow more characters to use this hurlbat without needing a specific character build seems to work I think. They would need 5 ranks in Perform (juggling), but that's it. Then they can use three different more common Perform skills. Some might have a problem with using these hurlbats as musical instruments (especially as a wind since you don't actaully blow into it), but you can't please everyone. My edit also allows the wielder to make full attacks with the juggling hurlbats, regaining them again as returning weapons. I made the juggling ability usable an unlimited times per day, but since this is likely to be a character's signature weapon and is no more powerful than an Efficient Quiver or the like (even less so) I feel this is balanced. Lastly, I set the number of Mirror Images to 4 because there are four hurlbats too and this is the rounded down average on 1d4+2. I do realize that with four images there are 5 copies of the wielder, but 3 seemed too few. I considered making it five hurbats, but even four seemed one to many, but I wanted all attacks in a full attack to be usable for high level characters with four attacks. I could have gone either way on this.

Overall, I really liked the concept behind your item. After taking it apart and putting it back together, I'm not sure I'd have picked it as top 32, but it was good enough concept to place in the top 36 and be picked as first alternate so you know how to get votes and impress the judges. Next year think through your item and its usability and maybe playtest it if you can. I'm sure if you come up with another fun concept and work on your mechanics, you'll be in the top 32 again soon. Good luck next year.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Jeffrey Swank wrote:

Celerity Blade

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 47,315 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Forged with an infusion of quicksilver and quickling blood, this +1 speed mithral longsword’s mirror-like blade shimmers as droplets of mercurial liquid course from hilt to point. This weapon is nimble despite being a longsword, and functions as a light weapon. The crossguard depicts the visage of a quickling that changes expressions ranging from sneering at foes to smiling when blood is drawn.

The celerity blade harnesses the energy of the fey creature and grants the wielder a charge attack that does not need to move in a straight line. The wielder’s base land speed is doubled while charging, leaving streaks of silver trailing behind.

This blade’s swiftness grants the wielder the ability to hide its movement from view, and on the first round of initiative targets are considered flat-footed whether they have acted in the round or not.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, cat’s grace, lighten object, haste; Cost 25,815 gp

Celerity Blade (Phloid Edit)

Quickblood Blade
Aura moderate illusion and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 58,310 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Infused with silver and quickling blood, the mirror-like blade of this +1 speed alchemical silver shortsword shimmers with droplets of mercurial liquid, and its crossguard depicts the sneering visage of a quickling.

Up to three rounds per day the wielder of the quickblood blade can amplify the energy of quicklings, attacking so fast he seems to appear in two places at once. After making an attack with the blade during a full-attack action, the wielder may skip his next attack with the blade to move his speed as a free action. The wielder may not leave the opponent's threatened area, but appears as a streak of silver granting him total concealment during the move. If he begins and ends this movement on opposite sides of his opponent, he is considered to be flanking for his next attack against that opponent this round.

Alternately as a free action, the wielder may use one of the above daily uses to double his base land speed when making a charge attack with the sword. He can make a single turn of up to 180 degrees at any point along this movement and while moving with this ability he appears as a silver blur granting him total concealment.

Both of these abilities grant concealment instead of total concealment against quicklings or any character under a haste effect.

The blade may be drawn as a free action, or if the wielder has the Quick Draw feat, an immediate action, even before initiative is rolled if not surprised. While in hand the blade grants a +2 circumstance bonus to initiative.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Improved Initiative, Quick Draw, blurred movement (ACG), haste; Cost 29,310 gp

Editor's Notes:
The original item breaks a couple rules that I think should not be broken by PCs. A light longsword. Charging in any movement pattern. Totally subverting the surprise rules. And all constant or at will. These all seem to be things that should not be done, and certainly not at this price. Certain classes and builds would kill for these abilities and this might become a given purchase for these characters. That being said, it is hard to do an item that speeds a creature up that is not just Haste or Expeditious Retreat in a can. There was ambition here and I like that. I also love the theme because quicklings are among my favorite fey.

There was at least one critique that loved the name, but I don't care for it. I see the word "celerity" at a glance and I read "celery." It reads as a vegetable knife at a glance and you don't want that. It takes a double take to get it right. There were other items in voting that did this to me too. I read "aureole" as "areola" once and could not stop giggling about my mistake. I believe I voted for that item anyway, so it didn't turn me off from the item. This is not an item breaker, but is something I'd avoid it someone pointed it out to me.

The critiques were all over the place. Some loved it. Some thought it over reached. Many had an issue with one ability, but all three abilities got some negative attention by different critics. There is a definite argument to be made that this should be footwear or something. One of the critiques pointed out that mercury is poisonous as well.

There was some mentions that longswords should not be light weapons and I think I agree. There is another issue with this being a longsword as well. This is obviously a rogue weapon, but unless the rogue is an elf, he is not proficient with this weapon, despite it being light. It is possible that you thought that making the rogue take Martial Weapon Proficiency or a level of fighter was a balancing point of this item, but this is not a good restricting element for an magic item.

My approach to editing this was to replace or curb some of the abilities. I realize that what I did were fairly big changes, but I think I kept it within theme. The new primary ability combos very nicely with the Speed weapon quality and even scales with the level/BAB of the wielder. This ties it to being a weapon more instead of it seeming like it could be a pair of boots. It is still clearly a rogue, but I could see fighters liking this item as well. I changed and curbed the charge ability making it slightly less awesome but about the same effect most of the time. But I made it use one of the 3 daily uses too. I nearly added a mercury poison effect, but this seemed a little outside the theme, that not being poison. That being the case I decided to change the item's material and description, but leave the description mentioning "mercurial" liquid that may only be a metaphorical adjective describing the appearance. Maybe it's quickling blood? It still gives the impression of mercury and it is well known by the nickname "quicksilver," so quicklings and silver give enough allusion to this word without making the weapon poisonous. The light weapon situation was a sticking point. I wanted to do something more than just change the item to a shortsword or rapier, but just allowing Quick Draw was just too easy and Feat in a Can. One of the critiques suggested an initiative bonus and because I couldn't think of anything else, I combined the two. I went with shortsword since that is the quickling's weapon in its stat block. In looking for spells that might make good requirements with the changes I found Blurred Movement which mechanically mimics the Quickling ability. Unfortunately it is an illusion spell, but I figured that it was ok to augment the speed blur. The other spells I found had issues. Burst of Speed is not a wizard spell and neither is Linebreaker (also a half-orc racial spell). And there was Expeditious Retreat, but that does not sound like an offensive spell. I added Quick Draw since it mimics that feat and expands on it. I added some to the cost/price as I think I made it stronger. I'm just eyeballing the price and this could be off in one way or another. Though I've added words to all of the items I've edited on this thread, this one is right at the max. I nearly dropped the last ability due to this, but I think all of them are worth saving. Instead I reworded things to cut some words and cleared up my own writing by doing so.

Anyway, I hope you like what I did, even if it changed your original abilities. There was definitely some great mojo here and some super good writing. One of the best written I've had the pleasure of editing. Keep up the good work and good luck in next year's contest.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Papasteve08 wrote:

Perpetual Vortex Staff

Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 35,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description

This matte black, metallic staff is composed of small, hexagonal discs that perpetually disconnect, revolving momentarily in an erratic orbit, and reattach in ever changing locations. Perpetually unraveling and reforming a few discs at a time, the staff remains in a state of chaotic equilibrium. The perpetual vortex staff allows the use of the following abilities:

Steps of faith (1 charge) Discs swarm underneath the wielder with each step, interlocking and creating a solid surface beneath her. This ability stays active for up to 3 rounds. While active, the discs support only the wielder wherever she moves, creating walkways or stairs to aid her passage.
Throw the first stone (2 charges) Release a deluge of discs, forming a heaping mound of loose rubble that buries a target within 30 feet. A buried target cannot cast spells with somatic components and must take a full round action to extricate themselves. A DC 20 escape artist check reduces this to a standard action. Once the target is free, the affected space(s) become difficult terrain.
Cleansing vortex (3 charges) Discs swirl in a violent torrent around the wielder, creating a maelstrom of spinning metal and debris. While this ability is active, ranged attacks that target the wielder take a -4 penalty to hit and all adjacent creatures take 3d6 bludgeoning damage per turn. The wielder may also attempt a free bull rush attempt as a swift action once per turn to push all adjacent creatures back 5 feet. Succeeding on this check by more than 10 also knocks the creature prone. This ability lasts for up to 3 rounds.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, force punch, shifting sand, stone shape; Cost 17,500 gp

Perpetual Vortex Staff (Phloid Edit)

Lodestone Staff
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 55,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This glossy black staff is composed of smooth, squat stones that perpetually disconnect and reattach in ever changing locations with distinct clacking noises. The lodestone staff allows the use of the following spells:

Magic stone (1 charge)
Stone shield (1 charge)
Raging rubble (2 charges)

The wielder may spend an extra charge on each of the above spells and use the staff as the source of the stones in that spell. With the exception of magic stone, the whole staff transforms for the duration these spells, reforming when they end. This alters the spell's school to Transmutaion and adds the following effects.

Magic stone: A thrown stone sticks to creatures made of metal, or the metal armor or shield of the target. The target must succeed at a Will save or have his weight load increased by one step for 13 rounds. A target can only be affected by one stone at a time.
Stone shield: If the stone is struck by a metal weapon, the weapon's owner must succeed at a Reflex save or have the weapon stick fast. If the weapon sticks, the stone remains until no weapons are stuck, and it provides cover in its square. A stuck weapon may be removed with a DC 23 Strength check as a standard action.
Raging rubble: One five foot square of the swarm sticks to up to four characters with metal armor or made of metal, causing damage and distraction every round the spell is maintained. The swarm decreases its size by five feat for each character so affected.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, magic stone, magnetic field (People of the River), raging rubble (ARG), stone shield (ARG); Cost 27,500 gp

Editor's Notes:
So before I read the forum critiques, my first observation is that this isn't really a staff. A staff holds spells and this does not. It has abilities that sort of mimic the charge expenditures of a staff's spells, but that does not necessarily make this a staff. The second ability has no attack roll or save. It just buries someone. It doesn't matter what magic you have or how quick and nimble you are. You're buried. Abilities should always have a chance to avoid or diminish the effects. It might be fine as far as balance goes because it is so easy to escape, but for 2 charges it should be better. It doesn't deal any damage though it feels like it should. Staff spells for two charges are usually around third level spells. This effect is barely the power of a first level spell. It is not much better than the Daze cantrip, but at least Daze allows a saving throw. Then the third ability is way more powerful. Again there is not attack or save. It deals damage "per turn" but does not say when. Is it during the wielder's turn? During the adjacent creature's turn? Is it at the beginning of the creature's turn or can he move to avoid damage? It is really not clear. The best thing about the item is the visuals it presents. It is too bad spells weren't found that could run with this description. That is probably what I will end up doing with my edit.

I don't care for the name either. The disks move about perpetually, but vortex? I just don't see it. I'm not real good with names, but I think it needs a change.

After reading the critiques it appears that this item was DQed for word count. That's tough, but as a consolation I think that it would have suffered from not really being a staff. Many critiques praised the theme and the cool visuals. The first time I read the description I pictured the stones as hermatite or magnetite (lodestone), the kind you find in tourist gift shops (at least in the west). Though you described them as "matte" and they are usually glossy, the color was right and the sticking together and moving around (like with the same polarity repulsing each other) just brought up this picture in my mind. That being the case, magnetic stones was the theme I went with when I looked for spells and the abilities I could add to them. There is the Stone of Weight (Lodestone) in the Core Rules cursed items and the more recent "Lodestone" shaman curse, which were the inspiration for the first ability. These three spells and the short addition I thought to add to them were the best I found and could come up with. There are two Oread racial spells here so I thought about making the creator has to be an Oread, but since racial spells can be learned by others, I decided against it. I had one other spell that I was going to add, but it put me over word count so I cut it. It's added ability was just an additional spell effect anyway. The only real magnet spell is Magnetic Field so that pushed this up to a 13 CL. Yours should have been 11th because Craft Staff requires 11th level. The save DCs of staff spells are usually set by the user, but I used the caster level to set the Strength DC and the duration for the lodestone effect. I'm only guessing at prices for this thing without comparing to other items but I raised the price.

Anyway, I'm not sure if my version is superstar, but it does have some mojo. Some of that mojo was stolen and adapted from your version. You had a great theme here. Watch your word count. Keep up the good work and come back next year with something that really shines. Good luck in RPGSS 2016.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Nickolas Russell wrote:

Heaven's Tether

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 71,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
The reflection of this silvery staff shows only clouds moving rapidly against gravity. These clouds occasionally escape Heaven's Tether and quickly dissipate. Once per day the wielder can still the reflection, calming the clouds and becoming bound to the sky for 1 min./level. For the duration, stabilizing against the effects of a Levitate spell is automatic and does not require a full round, and spells can be cast while falling. Casting a spell during a skybound fall does not require a concentration check. The staff allows the use of the following spells:

Feather fall (1 charge)
Levitate (1 charge)
Glide (Advanced Player's Guide) (1 charge)
Hostile levitation (Ultimate Combat) (2 charges)
Reverse gravity (4 charges)

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Feather Fall, Levitate, Glide, Hostile Levitation, Reverse Gravity; Cost 35,750 gp

Heaven's Tether (Phloid Edit)

Heavens Tether
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 61,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
The reflection in this mirror-like staff is not of the surrounding environment, but of fast moving clouds pierced by rays of the sun.

The staff allows the use of the following spells:

Levitate (1 charge)
Fly (2 charges)
Overland flight (3 charges)

While under the effects of a levitate spell the wielder can make attacks and stabilize himself automatically as a free action. He can raise and lower himself at twice the normal rate.

Once per day the wielder can cast a spell from the staff as an immediate action, but only while free falling more than 20 feet. Once per day the wielder can also cast two spells from the staff as a single spell by spending the appropriate number of charges. In this case both spells run on its own duration.

While under the effects of levitate and either fly or overland flight, the wielder's maneuverability becomes perfect and his fly speed increases by 20 feet (or 10 feet with medium or heavy armor or medium or heavy load).

While under the effects of both fly and overland flight the wielder's fly speed is 100 feet (80 feet with medium of heavy armor or load) and the bonus on Fly skill checks is equal to the lower caster level of the two spells.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Quicken Spell, fly, levitate, overland flight; Cost 30,500 gp

Editor's Notes:
First of all, great name. And I don't just mean the item. I've met a bunch of Nicholas's, but I think you are the first I've seen with the same spelling as me. I'm sure there are many, but you know as well as I do that everyone assumes the traditional spelling and has to be corrected. And, we both have two first names. You can't trust a man with two first names. At least that's what I've been told. My maternal grandfather's first name was Russell and my paternal step-grandfather's first name was Floyd (he raised my dad). Funny.

Anyway, the item name. I was dubious at first, but after reading the item, it fits and I like it. This is a pretty straight forward staff with a good but not great theme. The additional abilities are kind of meh and some of the spells are kind of redundant. What I have been doing with items that lack mojo is I take the thing about the item that has the most mojo and expand on that. In this case I think that thing is either the name or the idea of begin tethered to something fairly intangible.

In editing this item I want to expand on the name and relate abilities and spells to the name even more than the original did. I don't know that Hostile Levitation and Reverse Gravity really fit the name. Heaven's Tether makes me think that it helps bind the wielder to the sky and not mess with others. This is somewhat subjective, but because it is Heaven's Tether and not Tether of the Heavens it doesn't seem to fit to be hostile (one a place where souls are saved after death, and the other just the sky or space). I hope that makes sense. My first idea was to make it a staff that could save the wielder or another attuned character from a deadly situation (like falling and casting Feather Fall for instance). The idea was that it tethered the person to their mortal life. I built it and it was kind of cool, but it required four different magic schools and was a little over word count. I decided to scrap it and start over keeping closer to the original theme. I settled on more of a super flying staff and augmented the spells by combining them once per day. The Fly/Overland Flight fly speed seems like a huge boost, but just lowering it by 10 feet makes it only 10 feet faster than combining Fly and Levitate (for a light load character) and I wanted it to be worth it. Perfect maneuverability didn't seem to be enough for combining with Levitate, so it got what it got. Though this makes some awesome flying, it has no real offensive abilities so I decreased the price by 10,000 gp.

This is ok. I'm not crazy about it and I don't really think it is superstar, but the theme was not super exciting. Your original item had a good name and some interesting visuals. The writing was a little confusing in places. Next year let others read your submission and let you know where it gets confusing so you can edit before submitting. There is a spark in this item and I would not be surprised to see your next idea in the top 32. Good luck with RPGSS 2016.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Deadeye’s Shepherd

Aura moderate transmutation, minor conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 69,400 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Naturally curved, thick spiraling ram’s horn forms the limbs of this +2 adaptive composite longbow, creating a recurve and concealing the wheels within the rack. Pictographs of bighorn rams locked in combat are painted along the arrow rest and sight window.
As a full round action, the bow may fire a blunted arrow that performs a Bull Rush maneuver using the archer’s CMB +2 instead of dealing damage. Unless firing while in melee range, this action does not provoke an attack of opportunity; the arrow is otherwise treated as though it was the archer making the combat maneuver.

Once per day the bow can summon a large sized bighorn ram (use the stats of a megaloceros) that willingly serves the archer as though it were a war trained mount. The bighorn ram will remain summoned for 9 hours.
If the wielder has a ring of the ram the ranged bullrush attack deals normal damage and charges can be spent to increase CMB on a Bull Rush by a +1 and deal +1d6 bludgeoning damage when using the deadeye’s shepherd. As a swift action, the wielder may elect to spend a charge from the ring to have the deadeye’s shepherd function as a +2 club of impact for one minute.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, bull’s strength, lead blades, mount, righteous might, telekinesis, warp wood; Cost 34,900 gp

Deadeye's Shepherd (Phloid Edit)

Ram Strike Bow
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 45,400 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Gracefully recurving toward the riser, the string nocks on both ends of this +2 adaptive composite longbow are each carved to resemble the spiraling horns of a bighorn ram.

As a full round action, the wielder can fire a single arrow that carries the force of a charging ram. If the arrow hits, it deals bludgeoning instead of piercing damage and the wielder rolls a bull rush combat maneuver against the target as a free action, applying the bow's enhancement bonus to the combat maneuver roll. If the wielder wears a ring of the ram in one of his ring slots, he may spend charges from the ring before the attack roll. For each charge spent (max of 3) the attack and combat maneuver rolls each receive an additional +1 enhancement bonus and the arrow deals +1d6 extra bludgeoning damage per charge spent. This special combat maneuver does not provoke attacks of opportunity, though the ranged attack still might.

Additionally, whenever the wielder attempts a bull rush combat maneuver in the regular fashion, he may hold the bow crosswise before him to brace against. This adds the bow's enhancement bonus to the combat maneuver roll and if successful the wielder may add an extra 5 feet to the distance he pushes the opponent back, or may instead add one charge to a ring of the ram he wears.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Improved Bull Rush or linebreaker (ARG), bull’s strength, telekinesis; Cost 22,900 gp

Editor's Notes:
I know that GM_Solspiral is a third party publisher and just by his own publishing is a more accomplished designer than myself. Although there is a chance that he and I will do some work together in the future, I will edit and critique this item like any other. I hope that he would expect nothing less.

First of all, I did see this one in the voting. I don't remember what it was up against or if I voted for or against it, but I remember thinking that it was weird that it had wheels. I'm not a bowhunter myself but I do motion graphics for hunting and fishing television shows so I know a bit about bows. Modern bows have oblong wheels and work on a pulley system to decrease the full draw weight while increasing the energy released behind the arrow when loosed. These are called "compound bows," and I often have to stop and make sure I am saying "compound" instead of "composite" when talking about these bows with colleagues. Both terms could imply "made from laminated horn, wood, built with a recurve, meaning that the bow remains bow-shaped even when unstrung," which is how the 3.0/3.5 PHB described composite bows, but this was not in the SRD so is not in Pathfinder. Composite bows were the most sophisticated bows of the middle ages and for hundreds of years. They are still used today in hunting and sport archery, though are built with more modern means and materials, and they are commonly referred to as "recurve bows." The compound bow (with pulley wheels) was not invented until the 1960's and have recently gotten some major engineering upgrades. I'm not sure if you got the two kinds of bows mixed up or if you wanted to introduce modern bows to the game (as a kind of steam-punky, tinker gnome, inventor alchemist kind of thing). I don't think the theme and description really addresses this, so in my edit, I'll eliminate the reference to wheels.

I saw one reference to both hunting and fishing in the rant thread and there is a decent chance that this was the the hunting item referenced and my item was the fishing item referenced.

We have already established that we don't have the same tastes in names, but as far as the name goes, I don't really get the "shepherd" part of it. It has a loose connection with sheep, but these rams are mountain sheep (Bighorn Sheep) and not the domestic verity that is typically shepherded. It also seems to imply that this item "shepherds" deadeyes, when in function it is more like the archer is the shepherd. Deadeye is not a great fit either because the bow's accuracy is not really the theme. It is just kind of a loose fit. I'll be changing the name in my edit, but I have a feeling you'll prefer the original. How about Ram Bow. Rambo used a bow, right? ;)

If I am not mistaken, magic items do not have two different aura strengths, even if there are two different schools of different levels. It is just one power level based on the caster level and all the schools involved in its creation.

There are some template errors in the text (item names italicized in three places), but it can be assumed that you just did not complete the formatting when you posted it to this thread, but had it right when you submitted.

I do like the first ability and will likely only tweak its usability and wording in my edit. The second ability is different in the way that it requires another magic item to be usable. In my edit I will look to give it more function without the ring, but making it better with the ring.

After my initial notes I will see what the critiques and your own notes say on it. It looks like you had a couple critiques that mentioned the bow type discrepancy. One mentioned that the bow does too much, which I think I would agree with in general. One had a problem with the connection with the Ring of the Ram which I partially agree with. I think it is fine to connect the two, but this should be a very minor addition to the bow. Maybe one of the two abilities it grants. A couple mentioned the weirdness of having a weapon summon a monster. This is a small issue with me, but my biggest problem with it is that it creates a CR 4 monster with the Mount spell as the requirement. A Summon Monster would be a better fit, but that being said I might cut the ability altogether. And the last critique is your own G,B&U critique. In that you mentioned losing the wheels and the summoning ability. Those were two ideas I was leaning toward. And you are right that it has some "sexiness." Now I'll see what shakes out.

In my edit I changed the description because I had a hard time picturing spiraling bighorn rams horns as the limbs of a bow. Maybe a crossbow, but not a long bow. Maybe ibex horns would have worked. There are many breeds and many of them have bow shaped horns if put end to end (without a recurve). But alas I kept it bighorn themed. I'm a big believer in a single descriptive sentence as most published items (outside of adventures) have one or less. When I first read the first ability I did think it was odd that this required blunted arrows. One of the critiques pointed this out as well and reminded me. Basically the original item is a +2 Adaptive Longbow that can summon a dire bighorn as a mount, but without two other items (blunt arrows and Ring of the Ram) that's all it does. You might think that making the character carry blunt arrows is a good balancing factor for this ability, but if I owned this bow, I'd carry nothing else. There is no drawback for using blunt arrows (though maybe there should be). I see no reason then to make this require special arrows. I made my edit deal damage without the need of the ring. I think this is a really good ability with no daily limit, that's only limiting factor is that it takes a full round action so I added that the arrow has to hit and then there is separate Bull Rush roll. This also allowed for damage even if the Bull Rush fails.

I think that the language on the Ring of the Ram ability is a little unclear in the original. It is not quite clear if the multiple charges can be used like it can with the ring's ability, but I think that is what you intended so I rewrote the ability. I nearly cut it because I have qualms about linking to magic items like this, but I settled for a slight deemphasis on the connection. I considered making the two items needed to summon the dire ram, but a weapon summoning a monster like this is kind of outside the realm of weapons so I decided to scarp the summoning, as cool as it is. To deemphasize the Ring of the Ram connection I cut the ability to spend a charge and turn the bow into an Impact Club. This ability, more than the other involving the ring, almost demands that the two be acquired together. The first ability only adds more power to the bow's primary ability, instead of being totally dependent on owning the ring to function. The ring does make the first ability quite a bit more powerful, but I evened them out some by allowing the ability without the ring to deal damage. Another issue I have with the ability that turns the bow into a club is that there is just something about using a bow as a bludgeon. It just makes me think that would end up with a broken bow. They're just not made for that. If it were indeed a compound bow, this would be worse. You bend or tweak the pulleys the lightest bit and the whole system falls apart. And I think it is just a step too far to add this ability. One too many abilities and kind of seemed like an afterthought (though it is a pretty powerful ability). I played with a couple different secondary abilities all revolving around bull rush combat maneuvers, but what I ended up with was allowing the bow to be used as a brace when bull rushing and either get an extra five feet of push or recharge one charge to the ring that the owner may or may not have. Again, this ability is not dependent on having the ring, but gives an option if the ring is owned. The requirements were tough. Most of the spells that deal with bull rushes are water spells. Linebreaker is not a wizard spell, but it is the only one that seemed to work. I also don't like using racial spells, though anyone can learn these spells with GM permission. Still, I thought it best to make Linebreaker alternate with Improved Bull Rush. And I know that Power Attack is required for Improved Bull Rush, but since Linebreaker is the alternative I figured this is ok to leave off. With the changes I made I figure the power decreased quite a bit, though I am not calculating costs, but just estimating.

Overall, I'm not super excited about this edit. It fixes some of the issues with the original, but I think the first one is more "sexy." Does the sexy out weight the issues? I don't know. I guess not enough to make the top 32 this time. It was an attempt to Advice 32 its way into the top 32 and likely nearly did. Good luck next year. What ever you submit I'm sure it will have a lot of mojo.

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka surfbored

If you still have the time and willpower to do these, I would really enjoy getting your take on my item...

Bonewarp Chain:

Bonewarp Chain
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 12,300 gp; Weight 40 lbs.

Description
Constructed of twisted steel rings, this +1 chainmail covers the wearer from head to toe, leaving only his face exposed. When worn, the armor imparts an uncanny, often unsettling, range of motion.

With a swift action, the wearer's head spins freely upon his neck, undulating from one shoulder to the other. This effect grants the wearer All-Around Vision (Bestiary 2, page 294) until the start of his next turn. The wearer's limbs shift and rotate around his torso as if unanchored, providing a +4 enhancement bonus to his CMD. Furthermore, with a move action, the wearer automatically frees himself from the pinned condition.

Humanoid creatures witnessing the armor's disturbing ability for the first time must make a DC 12 Fortitude save or become sickened for one round. Regardless of the result, the creature is immune thereafter.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, excruciating deformation; Cost 6,300 gp

Thanks!

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

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Jerry Keyes wrote:

If you still have the time and willpower to do these, I would really enjoy getting your take on my item...Thanks!

Sure. There are three in front of you I think and I've been averaging about 1.2 per day so by Thursday or Friday I should post a revision here. Thanks for participating.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

James, I am going to do your 2015 entry and when I'm done with all the other 2015 entries posted on this thread, I will come back to your other two. Hope that's ok. I believe there are three others after this one.

James Raine (2015 entry) wrote:

Phantom Guardian’s Ring

Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot ring; Price 12,000 gp; Weight
Description
Speaking the command word for this ring causes your words to form into a ghostly projection of yourself. The projection is Medium-sized (regardless of your current size) and occupies one empty square within 30 ft., standing on the ground in that space.

The projection can make one attack of opportunity per round. It threatens squares around it and deals damage as if it were wielding a masterwork longsword. It uses your base attack bonus and ability scores to determine attack and damage rolls, but does not actually possess those attributes: it is not alive and is little more than a projection of your spirit. It cannot be damaged or struck by attacks, cannot speak, and remains stationary other than to make attacks of opportunity against creatures that pass. It uses your senses: if you can sense something, so can the projection.

The projection does not block line of sight or effect. A creature can move into or through the projection’s space without penalty and without making an overrun attempt, though the projection will make an attack of opportunity if it is able.

A projection can benefit from flanking and can flank an opponent with you or your allies.

If you wield an enchanted melee weapon, the projection’s longsword is instead a weapon of the same type (i.e.: a longspear, light mace, or greatsword), and the projection’s weapon shares your weapon’s enhancement bonus. If you wield an enchanted shield, the projection may make a number of attacks of opportunity each round equal to the shield’s enchantment bonus.

The projection remains for one minute before fading.

A phantom guardian’s ring functions three times each day.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, spiritual ally; Cost 6,000 gp

Phantom Guardian's Ring (Phloid Edit)

Ring of Ancestral Guardians
Aura moderate divination, evocation, and necromancy; CL 9th
Slot ring; Price 66,000 gp; Weight
Description
This ancient-looking locket ring features an engraved cameo portrait of indiscernible race and gender hinged over an inky black void that emanates barely noticeable whispers.

Up to five times per day, the wearer may open the ring's locket as a standard action causing a stoic ghost-like warrior of the wearer's race to swirl into an empty space within 60 feet. This transparent guardian is treated as a spiritual ally armed with a traditional martial weapon of its race, though it may not move from its space and it does not make any attacks other than attacks of opportunity. The guardian may make up to four attacks of opportunity per round as with Combat Reflexes. All creatures can pass through the warrior and it does not block line of sight or line of effect. If another guardian is manifested while one or more is currently active, the new guardian cannot be placed closer than 15 feet from any other. A guardian manifests for 7 rounds before disappearing and returning to the ring the following morning.

If summoned outside of combat, the wearer may ask one or two released guardians a question each about a future action as the augury spell. If three or four guardians are questioned they can answer one question each as a speak with dead spell. They can only answer culture and history questions about their race and are correct within the limits of their culture's knowledge. If five guardians are so questioned, they answer five questions as the commune spell with the knowledge of their most prominent racial deity.

Construction
Requirements Combat Reflexes, Forge Ring, augury, commune, speak with dead, spiritual ally; Cost 33,000 gp

Editor's Notes:
The name seems good as long as it matches the abilities in my edit. I'll get to that and we will see if that is the case. You were at 297 words so this might be the reason that there is not really any description to speak of. I'll see what I can do about that in my edit.

Often times people make a magic item that should have been a different kind of item. Maybe it is a sword that does something that would make more sense as footwear. This seems to be a bigger problem this year since the catch(almost)-all category of wondrous items were not allowed and some designers may have converted ideas from wondrous items they were planning submitting. Or it could be that they just assigned powers that would make more sense in another item slot. I don't think this is the case here. I think the case here is that this should have been a spell. The effect does not really seem to be linked to the item type and the effect is really all this item is about. It is also written in second person addressing the reader as you. Spells are written in second person and magic items are written in third person. I don't know why, but that is the way it is. I haven't read your critiques yet, but it is likely someone else pointed this out.

As far as the effect goes, it is neat. Simple. Not really powerful. As written, I'd say if you were to turn this into a spell effect it would likely be not more than third level and likely 1st or 2nd. It scales with level somewhat, but as a spell this would likely be based on caster level or the casters stats. Unless you have a magic shield with at least a +2 bonus it only makes a single attack of opportunity each round. Not a very good guardian to hold off a raving band of goblins. That might have been an oversight and is kind of weird (why based on the user's shield?). It works better as another combatant in battle but even then it is stationary and can only make opportunity attacks so is quite limited in use. The price point is fairly low though so I don't think you misjudged its power much.

It has been forever since I've read the Spiritual Ally spell and it is more similar to your effect than I remember. That being the case I see no reason that you could not have just used the spell with added limitations. This obviously pretty much makes this a spell in a can and that is not good. And this is probably the reason I thought it would make a better spell, cause it nearly is one. That said, it is time to look at your critiques.

A couple critiques thought that it was way under priced or over powered, but I don't think so. One said it gets a copy of your magic item, but it only gets the enhancement bonus. These quick one line critiques don't always take the time to examine the effect. Maybe if you could give it a ranged weapon and it could attack without an AOO. The image can't be killed (without being dispelled just like spiritual ally) but it can barely do anything unless quarters are super tight and movement is limited. It can't itself move. Unless the opponent is stupid, it will likely make a single AOO before it is simply avoided for a minute. It can help flank, but only if the flanked opponent is ok with remaining flanked. A withdraw action or a five foot step or two and you're out or harms way. It's best at the center of a 15 foot room without doors where a prolonged fight must take place and remain until through.

One critique mentioned the fact that the projection originated from the wearer's voice and that was odd. I agree and thought that when I read it, but since it was the only real attempt at a descriptive point I figured it was used to give it a "oh that's different" kind of take. It is something I will look to change in the edit. Andrew Black had an interesting idea to let it copy your teamwork feats (I hate teamwork feats though and feel they are only useful as catalysts for the Cavalier and Inquisitor class abilities and would likely make it all feats or all combat feats). Several pointed out the shield weirdness. No one that I saw pointed out the second person perspective.

So in editing this item (which I will remain an item because that is what the contest demands) I choose to attempt to bring the item closer to a 7th character level effect and by doing so, maybe give it some more mojo. I decided to embrace the Spiritual Ally spell with some of the changes you made. In doing this, I eliminated a lot of words and had room for another ability which made it more of an item and less of a Lessor Spiritual Ally spell. This gave it more versatility as well as making it more desirable for higher level characters, though with the side effect of making it more powerful and expensive. I took away its "clone of the wearer" theme to make an ancestor spirit theme, but in some ways this has more flavor. I got a description in there to that I think is decent. One thing I don't like about the addition is that it required giving it three schools. I avoided the Divination spell since it is so much like Augury. Using it would have eliminated Speak with Dead and Necromancy, but I thought it gave it a bit more creepy ghost vibe. I'm just approximating the price/cost and am not taking the time to fine tune those. Overall, I'm fairly happy with this edit and I hope you like it.

For next year's competition I would say, make sure that your item effect reads more like an item than a spell effect, and that it is uses a spell, it makes meaningful changes with as few words as possible. I did like the spirit guardian theme and appreciated the limits put on it to lower the power, but it kind of made it a bit dull and wordy with a bit of a lack of descriptive coolness. I really liked your Cloak of a Thousand Daggers last year as it oozed with flavor. Like me, you have one top 32 finish so we know you have it in you. I expect that you have another one quite soon. Good luck in RPGSS 2016 and I hope my edits/critiques help.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

responses to the Phloid edit:
Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Deadeye's Shepherd (Phloid Edit)

Ram Strike Bow
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 45,400 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Gracefully recurving toward the riser, the string nocks on both ends of this +2 adaptive composite longbow are each carved to resemble the spiraling horns of a bighorn ram.

As a full round action, the wielder can fire a single arrow that...

Not bad, I'd completely keep the alteration of the description. The wheels were a wrong step as were a number of the modern bow elements. I was going for a way to retain the impossible looking rams horns as abow and I thought wheels like a modern bow hidden inside would make that work.

The blunt arrows were a choice and there is actually a difference. Blunt arrows are nonlethal and take the penalties for such that was partly the intent on using them. The wielder is making a choice between dealing their damage and bull rushing for no damage or soem if they have a ring of the ram.

I was picturing an archer that defends a mountain pass. bull rush arrows can knock someone off a cliff. The bighorn he'd ride would be more surefooted then he in the terrain.

The name is a reference to Old Deadeye i.e. Erastile who is a nature community god that watches over small settlements. I was attempting to redefine what folk associate with Erastile as herders are small communities too. My other working name was Shepherding Recurve.

The summoning power was originally going to be a ghostly bighorn that used the bow as it's horns. The club power was kind of a last minute addition and I sort of regret it as a choice.

I very nearly submitted something more like this but it felt too sanitized. I feel somewhere in that idea there's a mechanically sound version that doesn't lose it's mojo. Maybe it's simply the visual of the arrows appearing to be a charging ram just before impact?

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

GM_Solspiral wrote:
The blunt arrows were a choice and there is actually a difference. Blunt arrows are nonlethal and take the penalties for such that was partly the intent on using them. The wielder is making a choice between dealing their damage and bull rushing for no damage or soem if they have a ring of the ram.

Blunt arrows are not non-lethal all the time. They have the option of being non-lethal if the shooter takes the -4 penalty where regular arrows do not have this option. There is otherwise no difference besides the piercing vs. bludgeoning, which I think is likely a mistake of the designer of the blunt arrow. I'm not sure why I'd carry regular arrows with this option.

SRD wrote:

Arrow, blunt (20) 2 gp — — — — 3 lbs. B see text

Arrow, Blunt: These arrows have rounded wooden tips. They deal bludgeoning damage rather than piercing damage. An archer can use a blunt arrow to deal nonlethal damage (at the normal –4 attack penalty for using a lethal weapon to deal nonlethal damage).

And I got that you wanted it to either deal damage or bull rush, but I thought it better to reduce the emphasis on the Ring of the Ram by allowing damage without and balancing this with an additional CMB roll to bull rush.

GM_Solspiral wrote:
The name is a reference to Old Deadeye i.e. Erastile who is a nature community god that watches over small settlements.

Well there is my lack of Golarion knowledge biting me again. I just assumed Deadeye was a term for a generic talented archer. Maybe Old Deadeye would have gotten me to search the term on the Golarion wikis.

I thought about something to do with surefootedness, but that seemed like something that boots should do. Your goat mount was a good compromise and might have worked better as a weapon ability if the bow did turn in to the sheep.

I hear you on the sanitized thing. My edit is not superstar enough and I feel you attempted an Advice #27 item and I think it was nearly there. There might have been other things that held you back (like the wheels and the strong ring tie-in).

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Nickolas Floyd wrote:
I'm not sure why I'd carry regular arrows with this option.

To carry regular and blunt arrows together for a mix of available damage types. The cost difference is negligible. (Or you don't own the APG that contains blunt arrows, or you fight so many skeletons that you just laugh at bludgeoning damage.)

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Garrett Guillotte wrote:
Nickolas Floyd wrote:
I'm not sure why I'd carry regular arrows with this option.
To carry regular and blunt arrows together for a mix of available damage types. The cost difference is negligible. (Or you don't own the APG that contains blunt arrows, or you fight so many skeletons that you just laugh at bludgeoning damage.)

Well, that's obvious. But I've only ever carried standard arrows and what I meant to imply is that if I were to only carry one type of arrow from now on, there is very little reason for that arrow type not to be blunt arrows. If I owned a Deadeye's Shepherd it is even less likely I would carry standard arrows since its ability requires blunt arrows to function. According to an Archives of Nethys search, 13 monsters have DR X/piercing and 54 have have DR X/bludgeoning. None have DR X/bludgeoning or piercing. If I have to choose between standard or blunt, I'm going with blunt. And then I have the option of dealing non-lethal with the standard -4 penalty too. I think they should have had a drawback of some kind. They should have dealt damage as one size smaller, or cut the range increment, or something. Dealing only non-lethal would have defeated their purpose against skeletons and the like.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Notsonoble wrote:

Staff of Infiltration

Aura moderate varied; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 104,700 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This tall, thick, polished black staff is capped at both ends with soft black leather, and makes no sound upon striking any surface. The staff allows use of the following spells:

Detect Secret Doors (1 charge)
Detect Thoughts (1 charge)
Nondetection (2 charges)
Greater Invisibility (2 charges)

While holding the staff, the wielder is also centered in the effect of a silent table spell. The staff can also be used as a +1/+1 quarterstaff. If the wielder hits a creature with the staff, the effects of the silent table spell are centered on the creature hit for one round. A creature struck by the staff can not be the center of the staff's silent table effect again for 24 hours.

Construction
Requirements Craft Arms and Armor, Craft Staff; detect secret doors, detect thoughts, nondetection, greater invisibility; Cost 52,350 gp

Staff of Infiltration (Phloid Edit)

Housebreaker Staff
Aura moderate illusion and transmutation; CL11th
Slot none; Price 54,700 gp; Weight 6 lbs.
Description
This long, matte-black staff is capped at both ends with black leather that forms a small sack filled with led pellets. The staff can function as a +1/+1 quarterstaff and the wielder may choose to use either or both ends as +1 saps. The staff allows use of the following spells:

Detect secret doors (1 charge)
Knock (1 charge)
Silent table (1 charge)
Greater invisibility (2 charges)
Passwall (3 charges)

If this staff is the target of a silent table spell, the wielder may touch or strike a target creature or object with the staff to extend the spell effect to that creature or object for one round. A creature or an object in possession of a creature can avoid this effect with a successful DC 14 Will saving throw.

Construction
Requirements Craft Arms and Armor, Craft Staff; detect secret doors, detect thoughts, greater invisibility, nondetection, silent table; Cost 27,350 gp

Editor's Notes:
Before reading your item's critiques these are my first impressions. The name is ok, but "infiltration" gives me the idea that the staff may help the user scam their way into an organization or location. Google definition: "Enter or gain access to (an organization, place, etc.) surreptitiously and gradually, especially in order to acquire secret information." The staff actually helps to sneak inside and not be detected at all, rather than gaining trust and becoming a member to obtain information. It is kind of a loose definition, but I might have gone with something else. It has some similarities with the Staff of Stealth (two of the same spells). It also has the Disguise Self spell so might make a better "Staff of Infiltration." At this point I'm not sure what I will do with this item, but either the name or the theme will likely change.

I question the inclusion of the Silent Table ability not for it being a spell in a can, but overall. Granted, it greatly reduces sound to make sneaking easier, but it also lowers the DC of any sonic effects coming from inside. Is this the reason you would want to put it on another person? And only for a single round? And not again for 24 hours? I just don't see the purpose to give this to an enemy you are beating with the staff for a single round. There is an interesting idea here that it prevents someone from yelling for help, but it is so short and limited to be almost pointless. It would also seem more flavorful on an assassin's dagger or something. The Dagger of Silent Screams maybe. The Silent Table spell is a good 2nd level spell. If I'm not mistaken, as long as you carry the target item, it essentially boosts your Stealth checks for moving silently by +20, but unlike Silence it does not prevent you from casting spells (only decreases the DC of sonic spells and may be difficult to be heard for spells that require being heard). That's a really nice spell. I think there were better ways to do this ability that is both more useful and more interesting. Making it useable on a target more than once in 24 hours is a start.

And then I was going to read your critiques, but there aren't any. Since you posted with your item "I think I'll leave mine for someone to consider," there is a possibility you meant to post to the critique thread instead of my "Edit My Item Thread." I PMed you and you confirmed this, but did not post to the critique thread prior to me writing this. Well, I'm sure you can still get some critiques over there, but I will edit your item anyway, and give you a little more critique than I normally would. Your template errors were minimal, but you forgot the bullets on your staff spells and did not italicize them (at least here). You should only capitalize the first letter when listing staff spells so "secret," "doors," "thoughts," and "invisibility" should not be capitalized. The aura should not be "varied" as it does not change. It should be "moderate abjuration, divination, and illusion" for all the spells in the requirements (silent table should be there too, but it's illusion and covered by G Invis). The Staff of Stealth does not have the Abjuration school despite the Nondetection spell so there is some weirdness in published staves and it looks like a school can be dropped in logical cases. Three schools is not ideal. Your spells in the requirements should be alphabetized (greater invisibility before nondetection and silent table at the end). They should be listed with the bullets, first by charge cost and then by alphabet (again Greater Invisibility above Nondetection). Staves need to be at least 11th level by default for the craft feat. I haven't checked the pricing, but this staff seems awfully expensive considering the Staff of Stealth is only 36,800 gp.

Now the edit. I have to determine if I want to keep closer to the original item's abilities or if I want to go more the route the name suggested to me. I think going the name route would end up being more of a "conman" staff so I think I will keep the theme as breaking into a place. Instead of making the staff silenced with padding in the description and then silenced again by the Silent Table effect, I added saps to the staff to maybe take out unsuspecting guards. I changed the spells by cutting the one Abjuration spell (Nondetection) to add transmutation and to make it further different than the Staff of Stealth. I added Knock as I figured that was useful for getting into some place (and it is Transmutation). I cut Detect Thoughts because, though it may be useful to read the minds of those in the building I'm breaking into, it was a bit out of the B&E theme. Then I added Passwall, because if you can't find a door, you've gotta make one (and it's Transmutation). In the finished item there are two Transmutation spells, two Illusion spells, and one Divination spell so I dropped the Divination school from the aura.

I essentially kept the same Silent Table ability but required it to be cast on the staff and allowed it to be conveyed every round, though giving it a Will save to prevent. I think this is a better balance for the ability than having Silent Table anytime it is held (is this dismissible at all?), and gives it more usefulness being able to keep the silence going as the victim is eliminated (or knocked out). It can be used to silently take out a guard, but also be used to silence a squeaky door or quiet a breaking window. I tried to come up with another ability to add to the staff, but I could not come up with anything I liked. The final edit is just a lightly tweaked version of your own item, but probably not enough for superstar status.

Overall, I liked the theme of your item, though I think it was pretty standard staff with not a lot of extra mojo. The Silent Table ability was a nice touch, but not fully realized. I think there is a spark of something interesting. My guess is you were unaware of the Staff of Stealth. Next year make a few searches for similar items. I recommend using the Archives of Nethys for this. Staves were a risk since they are just spells in a can, so I commend you for trying "hard mode." I think if you come with something with a little more mojo next year you have a good chance of breaking into the top 32. Good luck in next year's competition.

Star Voter Season 8

Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Thanks Nick

This shows quite a lot about how it didn't quite go the direction I was hoping for. The staff was originally designed for helping someone spy more than a burglar staff. I've posted it in the critique thread now along with the version I almost posted but went THIS IS OP at the last minute and nerfed.

That said, for a burglar staff your edit is definitely impressive, and gives me an idea of where to go next year. The sap option is a nice touch.

I had indeed missed the staff of stealth. Odd that, I'd been using PFSRD to make sure I wasn't duplicating when doing the final build. I'd probably pulled more of the illusion and left more of the divination had I seen it. I don't think it'd done much better that way, but at least it wouldn't have been as much of a clone.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

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Doc_Outlands wrote:

Campaign Staff

Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 143,000gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This stout iron-bound oak staff is topped by a fist-sized knob of polished granite, carved so that the entire staff resembles a castle watch-tower of worked stone. Inspired by the fluid nature of magical warfare, a campaign staff allows its wielder to function effectively in both offensive and defensive siege roles via access to the following spells:
rampart (2 charges)
move earth (2 charges)
transmute mud to rock (2 charges)
transmute rock to mud (2 charges)
wall of stone (1 charge)
magic siege weapon, greater (1 charge)

The wielder may also spend charges to summon Medium, Large, or Huge earth elementals to serve as assistants to repair damaged structures, clear heavy debris, or wreak havoc on the enemy.
• 1 charge – 1 Medium earth elemental
• 2 charges – 1 Large or 2 Medium earth elementals
• 3 charges – 1 Huge or 2 Large or 4 Medium earth elementals

Summoned elementals remain for 10 rounds and only one such summoning can be active at any time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, magic siege weapon, greater, move earth, rampart, summon monster VI, transmute mud to rock, transmute rock to mud, wall of stone; Cost 71,500gp

Campaign Staff (Phloid Edit)

War Siege Staff
Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 113,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This stout, iron-bound, oak staff is capped with a gray granite topper carved to resemble a castle watchtower complete with model siege engines and crew figurines. The staff allows use of the following spells:

Greater magic siege weapon (UC) (1 charge)
Telekinetic assembly (UC) (1 charge)
Greater energy siege shot (UC) (2 charges)
Move earth (2 charges)
Rampart (APG) (2 charges)
Wall of stone (2 charges)

If a wielder with 5 or more ranks in Knowledge (engineering) or Profession (siege engineer) casts a spell that specifically targets siege engines, he is considered proficient with that siege engine for the duration of that spell. If two or more different spells are cast on the same siege engine, the wielder is considered to have the Siege Commander feat in regards to that particular weapon as long as two such spells remain in effect. Additionally, a wielder with the skill requirement above may spend an extra charge to cast telekinetic assembly from the staff on an already assembled siege engine. This changes the duration to 10 minutes/level, and allows the weapon to operate telekinetically as though fully crewed while the wielder functions as its crew leader.

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Siege Commander, Siege Engineer, greater energy siege shot, greater magic siege weapon, move earth, rampart, telekinetic assembly, wall of stone; Cost 56,500 gp

Editor's Notes:
Before looking at your critiques I'd have to say that this is a solid staff with an interesting theme. That being said, I think it does too much. Six spells is a lot for a staff and then there is essentially three summon monster spells to boot (and I'm not sure why they are not just such with a restriction). There are quite a few staves that have 6 spells and one or two that have seven. The only one that has nine or more is the Staff of Power and that is the Staff of Freaking Power! Although the earth elementals and the note that they can assist in menial labor on battlements is close to the theme in some ways, I think it is the outlying problem. It is fairly unlikely that the elementals will be utilized like this, especially since they don't have any abilities that lets them manipulate earth and stone as this staff does. And they only last 10 rounds, so though they are big and powerful, there is not a lot of work they can do in a single minute. They are going to be used, as most summoned monsters are, as a beat-stick and that is not as much within theme. And writing these as an ability rather than a Summon Monster spell implies that they are summoned as a standard action rather than a full-round action. That's kind of breaking the rules. At this point I'm not sure what I will replace this with, but I'm sure I'll come up with something cause there is theme to work with here. There are a few template errors, but I will not mention them here. Take a look at the edit and compare it to the original to spot these errors.

The description has minor issues for me. The "knob" of granite makes me think that it is just a ball of stone and maybe a stone for a catapult, and then it is described as being carved to look like a watchtower. Confuses me for a second and I think the culprit is the word "knob." I'm also not sure how the "entire staff" looks like a castle tower? It is awfully skinny and mostly made of iron bound oak. I just don't see it. And then you have the "inspired by" line. Avoid that kind of thing. You should imply these things in name and description without having to say it. That's how you know your theme is strong.

Overall, I really like the theme and before looking at your critiques I would say that my approach to an edit will be to expound on the theme the name suggests to a greater degree. The name is not quite as descriptive as I think it should be. Obviously you were referencing a military campaign, but "campaign" as a gaming term describes something different and that gets a little muddled. This is a big staff with a lot of spells with fairly cheap charge costs so the price is approaching the right amount I think.

Now to check out your critiques. There are only four listed in the Tracker, but they mostly agree with me. Jaragil suggested the ability to man a siege weapon alone, which might be worth looking into. He also suggested a scrying spell, but I'm less interested in that idea (though handy in a siege). Feros mentioned that it is a SAK item, but I see this less so, though the summoning elementals might lean this way. There are five spells that create battlefield obstacles in the earth and one that augments a siege weapon. The siege weapon (and the summoning spells) are the outliers. I might even make the edit even more of a SAK to expand the theme to more than earthen redoubts and battle ground obstacles (and one siege engine spell). GM_Solspiral made a couple suggestions, but the one I like at a glance is the use of the staff as a ram. We'll see.

Now for the edit. Designing staves is hard or boring, or both, because it involves a lot of spell research and reading. In the end I went fully on the siege engine and bulwark defenses theme. I'm sure that if there were magic items in Ultimate Combat, something like this would have been created for it. I'm not particularly impressed with the Rampart spell as a 7th level effect, but it fits so well for the staff. You might have thought the same thing in making it cost 2 charges. I decided to make Wall of Stone, Move Earth, and Rampart all cost 2 charges since they all have nearly the same general function with some differences in casting time and slight difference in materials and whether they use existing material or conjure materials. I realize that Wall of Stone appears on two published staves at 1 charge, but I think it is powerful enough to make it cost 2, especially when we are talking about putting trebuchets behind it. The two abilities I replaced the elementals with both involve siege engines and making them more awesome. The two also combo with with each other. One is kind of a feat in a can, but how many characters specialize in siege engines? Do PCs take these feats? Maybe in a dedicated war campaign (as in the RPG term). It does still require some of the prerequisites of the feat so I think this is an ok way to do a feat in a can. I lowered the price a little, though I did not do any math for the staff and I'm just eyeballing it. Seams good, but maybe a little less useful than summoning earth elementals. Anyway, I hope you like the edit.

I think your item was good and I didn't feel it was a SAK as it was all themed together. I think the elementals was going too far, but overall it had some mojo. Pay attention to how items of its type are templated. There are rules for all of them. I think you could come up with something for next year that really shines. Good luck with RPGSS 2016 and all your future gaming ventures.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Notsonoble wrote:

Thanks Nick

This shows quite a lot about how it didn't quite go the direction I was hoping for. The staff was originally designed for helping someone spy more than a burglar staff.

Well, it had the one Detect Thoughts spell that I think was spy themed, but overall I feel it leaned stealth. Disguise Self and Glibness are two spells I can think of that would lean more "spy" and "infiltration" than sneaking and hiding. But you had a good idea. It was kind of done before with the aforementioned Staff of Stealth. Good luck next year.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Phloid

Jerry Keyes wrote:

Bonewarp Chain

Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 12,300 gp; Weight 40 lbs.

Description
Constructed of twisted steel rings, this +1 chainmail covers the wearer from head to toe, leaving only his face exposed. When worn, the armor imparts an uncanny, often unsettling, range of motion.

With a swift action, the wearer's head spins freely upon his neck, undulating from one shoulder to the other. This effect grants the wearer All-Around Vision (Bestiary 2, page 294) until the start of his next turn. The wearer's limbs shift and rotate around his torso as if unanchored, providing a +4 enhancement bonus to his CMD. Furthermore, with a move action, the wearer automatically frees himself from the pinned condition.

Humanoid creatures witnessing the armor's disturbing ability for the first time must make a DC 12 Fortitude save or become sickened for one round. Regardless of the result, the creature is immune thereafter.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, excruciating deformation; Cost 6,300 gp

Bonewarp Chain (Phloid Edit)

Bands of Disturbing Deformation
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 16,400 gp; Weight 35 lbs.
Description
Constructed of horizontal, overlapping strips of steel, this suit of +1 banded mail covers the wearer from head to toe, and imparts an uncanny and unsettling range of motion.

Three times per day as a standard action, with the squeal of metal on metal, the wearer can have his head spin freely upon his neck, and the segments of his torso and the attached limbs rotate individually for the next 10 rounds. This allows the wearer to see quickly in 360 degrees and turn his body effortlessly, preventing him from being flanked. The wearer's twisting and rapidly changing body provides a +2 circumstance bonus on feint attempts and to combat maneuver bonus on dirty trick, disarm, grapple, and trip attempts. He also receives a +4 circumstance bonus to CMD. Humanoid creatures other than the wearer who witness this shocking body deformation must succeed at a DC 14 Fortitude saving throw or become sickened for one round. A creature who successfully saves is immune to the nauseating effects of all bands of disturbing dislocation thereafter.

This armor has an arcane spell failure chance of 30%, a maximum Dexterity bonus of +3, and an armor check penalty of –4.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Extend Spell, effortless armor (UC), excruciating deformation (UM); Cost 8,400 gp

Editor's Notes:
I was especially excited to see this item posted to my edit thread. I saw this item at least twice during the voting period and wanted to edit it immediately. That is not to say it was bad. Quite the contrary. The reason I wanted to edit it was for one specific reason. I thought the armor type was wrong. I just don't see tiny links of chain facilitating this kind of movement. Do they stretch? Do they disconnect and reconnect? Do they just twist? It just seems like the links would restrict this kind of movement. It was immediately obvious to me that this armor should have been banded mail where the banded segments pivot and spin over each other. I picture banded mail something like lorica segmentata armor of the Romans but with full manica and leg guards as a full suit. To me, this makes a lot more sense. Unfortunately it raises it to heavy armor, but there is nothing that really says it shouldn't be heavy armor. I voted for this one at least once and posted this on the rant thread when I did (I was ranting about the competition):
Nickolas Floyd wrote:

And then another wondrous item. Sorry, but that is not a weapon just because it can be used as one and you say it is a weapon.

And its competition should have been a set of banded mail, but it is still the right kind of magic item for the competition and kind of clever.

The name is pretty good as far as coolness, but does not describe the item perfectly. Like the chainmail, this slightly misleads from at least what I picture how the item works. I picture the item magically cutting the wearer in segments so that he can spin freely at those segments, and not really "warping" the bones of the wearer. Warping the bones, like twisting rope or something, would mean the head would have to untwist the opposite direction and I don't get that from "spins freely upon its neck." Maybe this is just how I picture it, but the name kind of implies otherwise and I get conflicting images. This is not a huge deal, but something I will likely tweak (probably by changing the name).

I don't really get the "undulating from one shoulder to the other" line. Does this mean the head is moving back and fourth from one shoulder to the other? That's how it reads to me, but it just doesn't seem to make sense. I was thinking the head would just spin completely around on the neck like a wheel. If that was your intent I think there was a wording mistake here. I'm not sure I like the move action to automatically free from the pinned condition. Maybe it should have been a standard action, and I can see possible pinned situations where being able to rotate like this may not be an automatic escape. I'm a big believer in the rule that everything should have a roll of some kind.

Now this item was a late comer to the critiques thread, which means it will not have as many critiques, at least as I write this, but lets see what others have to say. Only two critiques at this point. Both of them had some similar points to make along my initial thoughts.
Jaragil (whose really cool Raven Leather I edited on this thread) suggests boosting the abilities and I would somewhat agree with this, but so often in these edits I'm boosting the power of low level items and increasing the price. I want this one to remain low level, but we'll see what shakes out. The same critique mentioned that the last ability seems to not be well supported. Sure it is weird to see this in action, but to make someone nauseous? I get his point, but it is minor and I think there are subtle (flavor) ways to make this more appropriate for the item without adding an enchantment or fear effect. And I check again and now there are two more critiques, and Lucus Palosaari (whose unique and cool Dynamic Staff I edited on this thread) points out that All-Around Vision is for a monster with eyes all around its body. I agree that this is the precedent and so I suggest not using the monster ability and instead just say that the wearer can see and turn in any direction and cannot be flanked. The words are minimal and avoids this association.

As I began editing the item I felt like the swift action activation for the first ability is superfluous. Unless I know I'm going to use my swift action for something else (fairly infrequent) I'm gong to use this ability every round, and is my GM gong to make me remember to say this every round? I thought maybe a free action, but that still leaves the possibility that I will forget to mention it and a mean GM might refuse to let me not be flanked later. Not only that, a free action means the wearer can NEVER be flanked and that seems a bit OP. So I thought it was better to have the ability grant all-around vision for a certain time as a standard action activation and this could also activate the disturbing ability. I boosted the ability a bit with feinting, CMB and CMD rolls so I decided to limit it to 3 times per day. Five rounds didn't seem like enough, and 5 minutes seemed like too long, so I added Extend Spell and went with a 10 round duration. I also considered a Boots of Speed type number of rounds per day thing, but I wanted it to be a bit more powerful than that. I chose to give a bonus to certain combat maneuvers and to feint attempts cause it seemed like such movement might help with them. Then I gave a bonus to CMB since it seemed like such maneuverability would help in avoiding all PC combat maneuvers. I liked in your version that it could make your allies sick the first time they see it, and I wanted to have that possibly be the case more than ones. I made it so that the witness has to successfully save to become immune from that point out. This is fairly innocuous in most encounters since you will usually kill your enemies, but makes it more fun at the table when the rogue keeps puking his guts out when the fighter goes all spinny but he only has to save one time. One critique suggested making the armor out of mithral, which I think was a good idea, but I wanted to keep the cost down so I decided against it. I did however add the Effortless Armor spell so I could lower some of the movement restrictions associated with the heavier armor type. It seemed logical that it would have some more mobility than masterwork banded armor, but I traded the movement of the spell to ease other movement restrictions (a little spell failure and Max Dex). Its a trasmutation spell too. I did add a bit of power to the item, but not an extreme amount. Cut a bit of the power to the first ability by limiting it to 3 times per day and making require a standard action to activate, though I also gave it a long duration. I raised the price a little. I'm not crazy about the new name, but I wanted something that calls out the disturbing nature of the visuals more than the original name did.

Anyway, I really liked your item, both in the voting and while editing it. It had major mojo. Keep up the good work and you will likely make top 32 soon. Good luck in next years RPGSS.

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