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As ugly as a hat full of a~#~$#$*s.
Hes got a head on him like a half sucked mango seed.
A few tinnies short of a slab.
About as useful as a one legged man in a arse kicking contest.
All froth and no beer.
All over the place like a drunken spider.
Bangs like a dunny door in a storm.
Bum nuts (eggs).
Champagne lifestyle on a Beer budget.
Couldn't organise a fart in a chilli eating contest.
Fit as a mallee bull.
Flat out like a lizard drinkin.
Given birth to a politician.
Goin to drain the one eyed trouser snake.
Got a head like a diseased rice bubble.
Hava optic at this.
I'm off - like a bucket of prawns in the hot sun.
Mad as a cut snake.
Sweating like a pregnant nun at confession.
Wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.
Full as a centipede's sock drawer
Go off like a frog in a sock
He needs that like a third armpit.
May your chooks turn into emus and kick your dunny door down.
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He can make a coconut smile.
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Like stapling jello to a tree
As useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle
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You're building a fire, not inventing it!
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Fhat the Wuck?
Dumber than a bag o' hammers.
Eat a bag of dicks!
Cos' dammit!
'Slowvakian stumphumper!
(More lost than a) Deer tick on a monkey's ass!
Something someone said in conversation with me today:
"It's like trying to plait piss"
Die in a fire.
That's a you problem (point at the person while saying it)
Problem lies between keyboard and chair.
How dare you insult a perfectly respectable disease like syphilis!
You can't trust them any farther than you can push a fully loaded aircraft carrier, uphill, on dry land, with your *ahem*.
As welcome as a turd in a punch bowl.
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Not my circus, not my monkeys
You can't make bacon out of a dog.
Like pissing while running.
The wit and wisdom of our greatest ever Prime Minister his comments were always brutal but funny.
/Sigh.
Emperor Paul, we need you back!
Not a phrase, just a word: monstropolous
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"He's a committed and born-again douchaholic, well-steeped in all forms of douchery."
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
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My hovercraft is full of eels.
Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
"Lumps of criminal garbage"
"Unrepresentative swill" of our Senate. Both from Paul Keating.
"That's what you get for mixing metaphors in mid-stream with too many cooks and not enough Indians."
"Boundless capacity for incompetence".
"Noisome buffoon."
"The continent of the incontinent." A few of mine.
"Both feet in the bad boot."
"Lumps of criminal garbage"
"Unrepresentative swill" of our Senate. Both from Paul Keating.
He was our best ever PM.
The link above goes to so many fine examples of his razor tongue.
#bromance
Oh I agree.
I think we should change the name of the senate to the Unrepresentative Swill in his honour.
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Some Australian army slang. Shifty can confirm if correct.
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again. Often heard prior to the delivery of a pineapple (q.v.); i.e., one is about to be lumbered with an unpleasant task.
Boots - A suck up. Refers to somebody who is so far up somebody else's backside that all that you can see is his/her boots.
Coffin nail - A cigarette. Also known as 'lung lollie'.
Dart thrower - A member of the Australian Intelligence Corps. Refers to the perceived method of identifying compounds/areas of interest for future operations, usually conducted eyes-shut with non-master hand to ensure statistically random results.
Digger – A soldier of the rank of private or equivalent in the Australian Army, for example Look after your diggers, Lieutenant. Term comes from the Anzacs.
Dog and pony show - A painstakingly prepared briefing, usually of little real substance or value, pandering to the whims of a senior officer. Also used to describe having to participate in some sort of display for civilians as a recruiting drive. E.g. 'The boys got stabbed to do a dog and pony at the footy on Friday night.'
Fitter and turner - An Army cook. It means "to fit good food into a pot and turn it into sh-t".
F.R.E.D - A small device which is a combination of a can opener, a bottle opener and a spoon. Officially named a "Field Ration Eating Device", but more popularly known as a "F--king Ridiculous/Retarded Eating Device". In the Air Force this acronym can also denote a 'F--king Ridiculous Electronic Device'.
(To get) Holes In Your T Shirt - To get shot, usually on a "Two Way Rifle Range".
Koala Bear - Refers to somebody who is generally considered a protected species and useless in the greater scheme of things. Usually accompanied by the phrase "Not to be exported or shot at" was used to refer to 1st Armoured Regt.
Mango - Term for Army Reservist. Green on the outside, yellow on the inside and too many of them give you the s~~%s.
Mordor - Canberra, the Australian National Capital and location of Army Headquarters.
Motion thickness - Involuntary erection experienced by male personnel when sitting over the wildly vibrating wheel arch of a Unimog truck. A traveller (q.v.) or travel fat . The sort of pun you find really funny when you're 18 years old.
Motorbike licence - A ruse to get diggers to volunteer for something. Sgt: Has anybody here got a motorbike licence? "I have Sergeant!" Sgt: Good. Grab these shovels and go dig a latrine.
Two-way rifle range - The battlefield.
Wanking spanner - Your prominent hand
Some Australian army slang. Shifty can confirm if correct.
BOHICA - Bend Over, Here It Comes Again. Often heard prior to the delivery of a pineapple (q.v.); i.e., one is about to be lumbered with an unpleasant task.
Boots - A suck up. Refers to somebody who is so far up somebody else's backside that all that you can see is his/her boots.
Coffin nail - A cigarette. Also known as 'lung lollie'.
Dart thrower - A member of the Australian Intelligence Corps. Refers to the perceived method of identifying compounds/areas of interest for future operations, usually conducted eyes-shut with non-master hand to ensure statistically random results.
Digger – A soldier of the rank of private or equivalent in the Australian Army, for example Look after your diggers, Lieutenant. Term comes from the Anzacs.
Dog and pony show - A painstakingly prepared briefing, usually of little real substance or value, pandering to the whims of a senior officer. Also used to describe having to participate in some sort of display for civilians as a recruiting drive. E.g. 'The boys got stabbed to do a dog and pony at the footy on Friday night.'
Fitter and turner - An Army cook. It means "to fit good food into a pot and turn it into sh-t".
F.R.E.D - A small device which is a combination of a can opener, a bottle opener and a spoon. Officially named a "Field Ration Eating Device", but more popularly known as a "F--king Ridiculous/Retarded Eating Device". In the Air Force this acronym can also denote a 'F--king Ridiculous Electronic Device'.
(To get) Holes In Your T Shirt - To get shot, usually on a "Two Way Rifle Range".
Koala Bear - Refers to somebody who is generally considered a protected species and useless in the greater scheme of things. Usually accompanied by the phrase "Not to be exported or shot at" was used to refer to 1st Armoured Regt.
Mango - Term for Army Reservist. Green on the outside, yellow on the inside and too many of them give you the s~#~s.
Mordor - Canberra, the Australian National Capital...
cool.
I know bohica from one of the greatest comics ever, negation.
Motorbike licence - A ruse to get diggers to volunteer for something. Sgt: Has anybody here got a motorbike licence? "I have Sergeant!" Sgt: Good. Grab these shovels and go dig a latrine.
A table variation is "Who wants to go for a helicopter ride?" or any other question that leads people to stick up their hands so you can dirk them with a crappy job.
Pineapple is also spot on.
On a side note, FREDs are like lint, and I have a bajillion of the damn things in my house.
BOHICA, dog and pony show and coffin nail I've heard before. Probably not original to Australian army slang. The others are new to me.
A lot of it is shared with the British and U.S military there is more than 100 years of shared history.... Australian military have been fighting beside the British since the Crimean war and beside the U.S since the 4th of July 1918 at the battle of Hamel The battle was the first time in the war that American troops participated in an offensive action under non-American command. Ten American companies joined with Australian troops under Australian command, although six were recalled before the battle. They were lucky because they got the best General of WWI, Sir John Monash.
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Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime.My hovercraft is full of eels.Do you want to come back to my place, bouncy bouncy?
My nipples explode with delight!