Funny Stuff My Kid Says


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At the zoo, for Toddler Gersen's 3rd birthday:

Nearby little kid: "Look at them longhorns!"
Toddler Gersen (very primly and firmly interrupting): "It's called a cow, not a window."
Me and other little kids: ???
Mrs. Gersen: "Just let it go."

Shadow Lodge

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My wee one has burst into laughter when my wife comes out of the shower naked..not good for the wife's self esteem. To build on this while, laying on our bed or sitting on our couch she will poke my wife and giggle "You jiggly mom!". My wife points at me and tells her to poke me...though I am over weight as well my fat don't jiggle like moma's so the wee one quickly returns to my wife...more poking.
The wee one is also fond of being tickled and request tickles to specific parts, we draw the line at her butt which she loudly request when we are out in public.
Speaking of butts while bathing her once she asked names of her body parts and quickly deduced, on her own, that she had a front butt and back butt.
This summer we were over my mothers house and she was playing in the kid pool with her cousins. The youngest, Bishop, went after my wife with a squirt gun. The wee one charged after him, and successfully intercepted his attack. She later retold the story dubbing her cousin "Pesky Bishop" and herself a hero for saving mom and now refers to herself as "Captain Sammy". She also recounts this tale to anyone who will listen.
When she sees the moon in anything other than a full state or nearly full state then it is broken and missing it's other piece. I am then informed that we need to get a rocket ship and fly to outer space to find said missing piece and fix the moon.

Liberty's Edge

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Pathfinder Companion, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

From the Boy, last night:

Him: “What do you get when you cross a handy haversack with a freezer bag?”

Me, wincing in anticipation: “I don’t know, what do you get when you cross a handy haversack with a freezer bag?”

Him: “A Bag of COLDING!”


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Heh... pretty cool.


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=====

EXTREMELY minor Coco spoiler, but I'm a careful man:

Impus Minor: So, in Coco, there's a problem. Since you live for as long a you're remembered. Wouldn't it be better to be a villain? I mean, it's much easier to be remembered as a villain.
NobodysHome: Yeah, I suppose you're right. Everyone remembers Napoleon.
Impus Minor: Or Hitler. Or George Clooney.
NH: George Clooney?
IM: Yeah... (can hear my amusement). Wait. Who's George Clooney again?
NH: He's an actor. And he's alive.
IM: Oh, well, I'm sure he counts as a villain too. So yeah, Napoleon or Hitler or George Clooney will be remembered for their villainy...

=====
NobodysHome: Wow! Look at the moon tonight!
Impus Minor: Wow! It's really big! Is that a full moon?
NH: Yep.
Impus Major: Y'know, we seem to be having a lot of full moons lately.
NH: Yeah, it seems like we have one every month!
Impus Minor: I blame global warming.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

My three year old nephew has a particularly creative pronunciation of Millenium Falcon. Has a little bit of trouble with remembering the "L" in the middle, and Australian accents tend to make "e" sounds of "o" sounds.


Miyenium Falcen?

Silver Crusade

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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path Subscriber
Drejk wrote:
Miyenium Falcen?

Strangely he enunciates Millenium perfectly. So it sounds like Millenium Fakken. Which in the Aussie drawl sounds like a funny cuss.


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Vanykrye wrote:
Paraphrased from the latest email from the adult-child: "Um, don't send that package to my suburban Seattle address. I moved to Louisiana a couple weeks ago and just hadn't told you yet. Here's some great pictures from my drive though!"

Aiymi (wife of Vany) begins packing up the loot to send to the adult daughter in Louisiana. The same loot we didn't send to Seattle.

Daughter: Oh...no. Don't do that. I don't live there anymore. I'm in Colorado now.


Vanykrye wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Paraphrased from the latest email from the adult-child: "Um, don't send that package to my suburban Seattle address. I moved to Louisiana a couple weeks ago and just hadn't told you yet. Here's some great pictures from my drive though!"

Aiymi (wife of Vany) begins packing up the loot to send to the adult daughter in Louisiana. The same loot we didn't send to Seattle.

Daughter: Oh...no. Don't do that. I don't live there anymore. I'm in Colorado now.

Dude. She's everywhere, isn't she??


Syrus Terrigan wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Paraphrased from the latest email from the adult-child: "Um, don't send that package to my suburban Seattle address. I moved to Louisiana a couple weeks ago and just hadn't told you yet. Here's some great pictures from my drive though!"

Aiymi (wife of Vany) begins packing up the loot to send to the adult daughter in Louisiana. The same loot we didn't send to Seattle.

Daughter: Oh...no. Don't do that. I don't live there anymore. I'm in Colorado now.

Dude. She's everywhere, isn't she??

In the last 3 years, here's where we *know* she's lived:

Dallas
Back with us for a year
Chicago
Oregon
Colorado
Chicago
California (no clue *where* in CA, but it's a notoriously small state so the *where* is really just irrelevant)
Seattle-Tacoma
Louisiana (not New Orleans)
Colorado


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Kirth: "What holiday is in this month?"
Toddler Gersen: "Um, I think it's Easter. I will get jellybeans!"
Kirth: "No, Easter is in the spring. In December is Christmas."
TG: "Just like in Little Monster's Word Book!
Kirth: "Yes! And what are we doing for Christmas?"
TG: "I will go visit Glamma on an airplane! And momma will come too!"
Kirth: "What about dadda?"
TG: "No, he will stay here by himself."

:(


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DM_aka_Dudemeister wrote:
Drejk wrote:
Miyenium Falcen?
Strangely he enunciates Millenium perfectly. So it sounds like Millenium Fakken. Which in the Aussie drawl sounds like a funny cuss.

It's amazing what people will be convinced is a cuss if it's Australian.

In my hometown (tiny little place in northern Wisconsin), there was a bar called the Fair Dinkum.

No one knew exactly what it meant, but everyone was *certain* that it was really dirty.


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Not my kid, but one of my students:

He's Japanese, and three years old. English is his second language.
Every time a new holiday comes around (first Thanksgiving, and now Christmas), he says, sooooo hopefully:
"Thanksgiving? Trick or Treat?"
"Christmas? Trick or Treat?"


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Ok. That's adorable.


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Not "funny ha ha" but "funny now I know why you're 16 and only way 112 pounds you freak of nature"!

NobodysHome starts putting away dinner
Impus Major: So Dad, how did you make these brussels sprouts?
NobodysHome explains
IM: I don't understand why people need dessert. You can just have these brussels sprouts and they're better than dessert!

*SIGH* Where have I gone wrong?


Are these the same brussels sprouts that you made the Apricot sauce for?


John Napier 698 wrote:
Are these the same brussels sprouts that you made the Apricot sauce for?

Same recipe. And in fact yes, the same bag. But that was last week. This week is was just plain "cut 'em in half and roast 'em in olive oil, salt, and grated parmesan 'til they're crispy".

Tasty, but hardly dessert.


That is indeed strange. When I was 16, chains couldn't keep me away from dessert.


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I remember on the radio thinking the lyrics to Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap were 'dirty deeds and the Thundercheeks.' My father never told me why he laughed so hard until I heard the song again years later...


That reminds me of my brother's confusion on the lyrics of a Static-X song from the Wisconsin Death Trip album (1999).

"Fix"

Put it in / chill out / drop dead / I need a fix

He asked me, with a straight face, why Wayne was singing a song about "Puddin' and Jello".

Lost. My. Mind. :)

(lemme know if you find it)


Do you mean this?


lol

Well, yes.

*And* my mind. :D


Sorry, can't help you there. :)


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NobodysHome wrote:

Not "funny ha ha" but "funny now I know why you're 16 and only way 112 pounds you freak of nature"!

NobodysHome starts putting away dinner
Impus Major: So Dad, how did you make these brussels sprouts?
NobodysHome explains
IM: I don't understand why people need dessert. You can just have these brussels sprouts and they're better than dessert!

*SIGH* Where have I gone wrong?

Brussel sprouts? Abomination!

What kind of failure of parents rise their kid that it loves frickin' brussel sprouts?!!!


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My son preferred broccoli over french fries until he was nearly 10 years old. We didn't keep fries from him, either. He just didn't like them.


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Okay, I'm the kind of person who on most days is severely against any type of fart jokes.
It's a preschool teacher prejudice.

But this evening, my son farted in the bath, and it was a particularly nasty one, and I said, "Oh. my. goodness. What do you say?"

And he looked at me and grinned, and shouted, "EXPELLIARMUS!"

It was all I could do to keep from saying, "Ten points to Gryffindor!"


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At my sister's funeral lately, there were many people who were always mocking her that were doing the fake-loving-her thing people do.

One of the worst decided to talk to my 7 year old daughter. My daughter smiled as politely as anyone could imagine. When the older woman said "but at least she's in heaven now," my daughter, without breaking a beat or losing her innocent smile, said:

"Well, she could be in hell. We have no way of knowing."


Kit42 wrote:

At my sister's funeral lately, there were many people who were always mocking her that were doing the fake-loving-her thing people do.

One of the worst decided to talk to my 7 year old daughter. My daughter smiled as politely as anyone could imagine. When the older woman said "but at least she's in heaven now," my daughter, without breaking a beat or losing her innocent smile, said:

"Well, she could be in hell. We have no way of knowing."

Heh-heh-heh. Ah, children.


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Me: Come on. We just need to go in Daiso for a short time.

Son: You mean what YOU call a short time or what *I* call a short time? Because when grownups say a short time they never really mean it.


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At our Strange Aeons table, as Impus Major was explaining how Blackwarm (his necromancer) could so readily recognize undead:
Impus Major: Yeah. Recognizing undead is easy! I have this book. It's called the Encyclopedia Necrophilia.
NobodysWife and I double over laughing, as realization dawns on Impus Major's face as to what he just said.
Impus Major, feigning ignorance: What? What? They said it was a book for people who loved dead things...


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Me love you long time....well, actually, as an undead...me love you for ALL TIME!

Well played Impus Major, well played...


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As necromancers go, Blackwarm is a personal fav, I will note the "lack of necromancers in fiction" thread round these parts, sure, there are some, but I could see some Blackwarm fiction going BIG!! I mean humor, death, weird tengu sensibilities, and of course, more death which goes to undeath! What more does a story need...nothing...well, maybe some other main characters.. Too bad Handy bit it....and Larry....and the pickled punk, that would have been great support rotting meatbag cast :)


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GM_Beernorg wrote:
As necromancers go, Blackwarm is a personal fav, I will note the "lack of necromancers in fiction" thread round these parts, sure, there are some, but I could see some Blackwarm fiction going BIG!! I mean humor, death, weird tengu sensibilities, and of course, more death which goes to undeath! What more does a story need...nothing...well, maybe some other main characters.. Too bad Handy bit it....and Larry....and the pickled punk, that would have been great support rotting meatbag cast :)

Don't forget Mr. Bones, Tom Bones, and (as of last night) Fergillson. Blackwarm is learning to his dismay that skeletons and zombies don't make very good shock troops against CR 6-7 creatures.


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Hey there mummified cat whoooaaaoooo!! Oh right, Tom Bones has exited stage Boneyard :)


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Well, it's not unusual, I guess.


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To be loved by anywarm... :)

Shadow Lodge

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The wife and I took our daughter to the zoo with my family for the festival of lights (they do the zoo up in lights and what not). Being a could night we decided to leave her in her car seat as we readied the stroller and such. From the back seat I hear "Hey, pops! Pops, you forgot the last person! Hey, somebody help me here!"

Shadow Lodge

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Also recently my wife and daughter were out with my wife's aunt and uncle for their weekly waffle Wednesday. While sitting in the car waiting for my wife's aunt, her uncle told my daughter that he was going to get a waffle this week. Usually my daughter is the only 1 who does. She told him,finger in face, "You don't take waffles from little girls. You only get a tic tac."


GM_Beernorg wrote:
To be loved by anywarm... :)

Bravo, sir. Bravo.


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::takes a bow:: Why thank you Cal!

Liberty's Edge

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NobodysHome wrote:

Not "funny ha ha" but "funny now I know why you're 16 and only way 112 pounds you freak of nature"!

NobodysHome starts putting away dinner
Impus Major: So Dad, how did you make these brussels sprouts?
NobodysHome explains
IM: I don't understand why people need dessert. You can just have these brussels sprouts and they're better than dessert!

*SIGH* Where have I gone wrong?

When I ws a child, my parents had to tell me that I couldn't have any broccoli until I finished my pudding.


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How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat...?

Oh, wait, sorry, different thing :)


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Hush now baby, don't you cry.


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"Course Momma's gonna help build the wall..."


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"And by the way, which one's Pink?"

Liberty's Edge

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John Napier 698 wrote:
"And by the way, which one's Pink?"

Roger Keith "Syd" Barrett!


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Toddler Gersen: "I will bring my pink socks--I will need them at Chick-Fil-A, in case I need them at Chick-Fil-A!"


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Kirth Gersen wrote:
Toddler Gersen: "I will bring my pink socks--I will need them at Chick-Fil-A, in case I need them at Chick-Fil-A!"

Well, you really can't argue with that.


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Impus Major was waxing philosophical about how cool it would have been if the vikings had managed to maintain their foothold in the Americas, thereby causing Columbus and the following Europeans to have to do battle with bloodthirsty vikings instead of naive native Americans.

Impus Major: That would have been the coolest battle in history!
NobodysHome: See, Impus Major? You sit around worrying about what you're going to do with your life, but that's a really neat idea! You have this brilliant imagination. You could write historical fiction. You're really good at it, and it's a popular genre...
Impus Major: Yeah, but then I'd have to go on vacation and go to a snowy cabin and murder my family...

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