Funny S#$& My Kid Says


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Tiny T-Rex calls Winnie the Pooh "Poopy Bear" even after watching it:-p


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Vod Canockers wrote:
When my nephew was small, he couldn't say Chicago, it would come out as Codger. So we would watch the Codger Cubs, the Codger Bears, the Codger White Sox, etc on TV.

Two of the three teams play like codgers, so it's accurate.


captain yesterday wrote:
Tiny T-Rex calls Winnie the Pooh "Poopy Bear" even after watching it:-p

Who told you that you were allowed to procreate, sailor?

You're making this cross-thread revenge thing difficult. Making me interject non-sequiturs in innocent threads. You should feel ashamed of yourself


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My 6-year-old daughter, while holding her mother's camera phone out at arm's length and striking a pose:

"Look, Dad! I'm taking a selfish!"

Out of the mouths of babes...


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Wow! A threefer of fun from Impus Major!

(1) After listening to how he first met his honorary uncle, he said, "So you're telling me I just lay there, staring at you with my cold lifeless baby eyes?"

(2) While carefully working his plate. "I don't want to contaminate perfectly good meat with pointless vegetable matter."

(3) Again, I'm violating the spirit of the thread, but:
"Hey, Impus Major, now that you're 14, want to see a 'stupid teenager trick'?"
"Sure."
"OK. Put one of those plastic balloon decorations up your nose."
"OK. Now what?"
"Now you have a plastic balloon decoration stuck up your nose."

After a few moments of vainly trying to extract it: "I hate you, Dad!"

Scarab Sages

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As we were getting in the truck to go to the grocery store, the boy told me his nose smelled hot.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Tiny T-Rex, after putting on underwear this morning grabs his toy excavator and heads for the door

mom (chasing after with an armful of clothes): don't you want to get dressed first!" more a statement then a question really

tiny T-Rex (sighing): Ugh! i am!

out the door he went:-p

evidently clothes go out with winter here


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captain yesterday wrote:

Tiny T-Rex, after putting on underwear this morning grabs his toy excavator and heads for the door

mom (chasing after with an armful of clothes): don't you want to get dressed first!" more a statement then a question really

tiny T-Rex (sighing): Ugh! i am!

out the door he went:-p

evidently clothes go out with winter here

I like that little guy.


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Tiny T-Rex calls Danimals "deady animals" when told they were in fact called Danimals he corrected himself, calling them "deady Danimals":-)

Yes he knows they're actually yogurt, I hope....


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Impus Major spent his spring break in nothing but tighty whities and a fluffy pink bathrobe (stolen from NobodysWife ages ago). I ran game night on Wednesday as usual, and his friends came over. At their appalled faces he said, "I'm on break, and I don't need to wear clothes on break! You can't make me!"

So don't count on Tiny T-Rex growing out of it any time soon...


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remembers fondly when the wife and kids left for four hours and the entire time was spent in boxers playing video games and catching up on Hell's Kitchen and Archer

I don't know where they could possibly get that from.... probably their mothers...


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When my son was just shy of 4 years old, we took him to his first movie in an actual theater, Disney's "Hercules". He was very excited, but we had to wait for show time so we had lunch at the Chili's restaurant next door.

The waitress was very cute and made a big fuss over him (he was a pretty cute kid). He looks at her and says, "I'm going to see my first real movie today, and I'm having lunch with my mom, dad, and my aunt and uncle." Then he lowered his voice to a slightly deeper pitch and goes, "Would you like to go with me?" While she was unable to go, she practically squealed with delight and brought him the biggest ice cream dessert they had. For free.


Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

While getting the dog and Tiny T-Rex ready for a walk just a bit ago I accidentally called the dog Goofy Ball instead of Goof Ball, now I gotta spend the whole walk explaining to the neighbors why he's calling our dog Goofy Balls :-)


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Unnatural 20 wrote:

When my son was just shy of 4 years old, we took him to his first movie in an actual theater, Disney's "Hercules". He was very excited, but we had to wait for show time so we had lunch at the Chili's restaurant next door.

The waitress was very cute and made a big fuss over him (he was a pretty cute kid). He looks at her and says, "I'm going to see my first real movie today, and I'm having lunch with my mom, dad, and my aunt and uncle." Then he lowered his voice to a slightly deeper pitch and goes, "Would you like to go with me?" While she was unable to go, she practically squealed with delight and brought him the biggest ice cream dessert they had. For free.

I don't know why this came up under one of my aliases. But anyway, it was my kid.

Liberty's Edge

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captain yesterday wrote:
While getting the dog and Tiny T-Rex ready for a walk just a bit ago I accidentally called the dog Goofy Ball instead of Goof Ball, now I gotta spend the whole walk explaining to the neighbors why he's calling our dog Goofy Balls :-)

Just tell them it's a surfing term.


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#3 to #4 "My eyes aren't waterproof!"


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No kids. But when my brother was 17 he was heading up country to meet some friends to go camping. As he was speeding along a lonely stretch of the highway, this cop pulls out from a cattle crossing, hits the lights and pulls him over. The cop struts up to the car, and when my brother rolls down the window the cop says to him "I've been waiting for a punk like you all day." With a perfectly straight face my brother replies "Well, I got here as fast as I could..."


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So, with a tiny house and not enough money to do major remodeling, I just cut a hole in the back of our (6' deep) closet to create a "doorway" to the garage, in the hopes of eventually moving our 14-year-old in there.

Impus Major promptly named it, "The Gateway to Whimseyshire".

And yes, I *LOVED* being able to call home while at a work meeting and say, "Impus Major, venture forth into Whimseyshire, brave the Vaults of Ice, and bring forth victuals for your brother!" and have him understand the instructions perfectly.

Scarab Sages

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The boy referred to Batman, Superman, Flash and Green Lantern as the Justice Sleeves.

Scarab Sages

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"Mommy, you sit here and fire the butt canons."


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My now 7-year-old daughter was asked if she would get her mother's phone for her. Her answer:

*sigh* -- "What a waste of my potential."

Sovereign Court

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So we're taking my friend's 9 year old to Gencon this year and we had a few sessions of PFS, to teach him at home. His 6year old younger brother really wanted to try it to so he played a Druid. The next day he jump out in front of dad pointing a finger at him:

"Hands up I'm a spell caster!"


Dementrius wrote:
When you can't read, this sign apparently means "No Boomerangs"

To be fair, it is an easy to make mistake there, with the shape of the arrow.


Gars DarkLover wrote:
Dementrius wrote:
When you can't read, this sign apparently means "No Boomerangs"
To be fair, it is an easy to make mistake there, with the shape of the arrow.

It makes sense to me.

Scarab Sages

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"Daddy, I farted in the tub, and it was spooky."


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Pathfinder Companion, Maps Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

All Super Heroes are "Super Readers"

Sovereign Court

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So every 4th of July weekend we do two things, go to a local parade/picnic and grill out at a friends place where among other things we throw axes at watermelons. When you hit the watermelon everyone yells "eat the blood of your enemies!" and you have to take a bite outta your kill.

So one year the axe throwing was the night before the parade. My friend had his 4 year old daughter on his shoulders after the parade, as we're all walking over to the picnic. She leans over, sticks her face in her dad's face and loudly asks "Dad, are they going to have blood of our enemies?"

Silver Crusade

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Spoilered for length, and maybe content...

:
So I'm watching South Park on my laptop, and it's the episode involving legalized medical marijuana in Colorado. One of character, in order to partake, gives himself testicular cancer by putting them in the microwave. This results in his balls swelling up so big he can ride them "like a hippity-hop." His friends see him lighting up, and ask him to share. He refuses, but explains what he had done to be able to buy the stuff.

It's at about this point in the story that my daughter, about 3 at the time, crawls up in Daddy's lap.

She looks at the screen and sees several men bouncing down the street on their "hippity-hops."

And she exclaims, "It's a sack race!"

Scarab Sages

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At the splash pad on Saturday, my nine year old nephew was whining and b@+#*ing about....something (it kept changing). So my boy, who's four, says to his cousin......

"<redacted>, you get what you get, and you don't throw a fit".

Only it was more like he sang it.

Scarab Sages

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Conversation from this morning:

The Boy: Daddy, are you going to be a good little monkey?

Me: Probably not.

The Boy: Are you going to be a bad little monkey?

Me: Maybe.

The Boy: A bit of both?

Me: More than likely.


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My kids take laziness to a whole new level.

We had this conversation while Impus Minor was on Skype with Girl Next Door, so she could hear everything we said.

Impus Minor: Hey, Dad! Can Girl Next Door(TM) come over?
NobodysHome: Not until you're dressed.
Impus Minor: WHAT?!?!?!?!
NobodysHome: You can't have company over until you're dressed. It's really pretty simple.
Impus Minor: OK, sorry, Girl Next Door! You can't come over!

-----
And now it's an hour later, they're still gaming together on Skype, and he's still not dressed.

*SIGH*


*cough* he really is ahead of the game when it comes to macking on girls.

Scarab Sages

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NobodysHome wrote:

My kids take laziness to a whole new level.

We had this conversation while Impus Minor was on Skype with Girl Next Door, so she could hear everything we said.

Impus Minor: Hey, Dad! Can Girl Next Door(TM) come over?
NobodysHome: Not until you're dressed.
Impus Minor: WHAT?!?!?!?!
NobodysHome: You can't have company over until you're dressed. It's really pretty simple.
Impus Minor: OK, sorry, Girl Next Door! You can't come over!

-----
And now it's an hour later, they're still gaming together on Skype, and he's still not dressed.

*SIGH*

I applaud your son's rebellion against the norms of society!


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Aberzombie wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

My kids take laziness to a whole new level.

We had this conversation while Impus Minor was on Skype with Girl Next Door, so she could hear everything we said.

Impus Minor: Hey, Dad! Can Girl Next Door(TM) come over?
NobodysHome: Not until you're dressed.
Impus Minor: WHAT?!?!?!?!
NobodysHome: You can't have company over until you're dressed. It's really pretty simple.
Impus Minor: OK, sorry, Girl Next Door! You can't come over!

-----
And now it's an hour later, they're still gaming together on Skype, and he's still not dressed.

*SIGH*

I applaud your son's rebellion against the norms of society!

Hey, *last* summer Impus Major declared himself "Princess Wigglebottom" and spent the entire summer in tightie whities and a fluffy pink bathrobe.

Same wardobe this summer, even on gaming nights, but the Princess has left the building.


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NobodysHome wrote:
Aberzombie wrote:
NobodysHome wrote:

My kids take laziness to a whole new level.

We had this conversation while Impus Minor was on Skype with Girl Next Door, so she could hear everything we said.

Impus Minor: Hey, Dad! Can Girl Next Door(TM) come over?
NobodysHome: Not until you're dressed.
Impus Minor: WHAT?!?!?!?!
NobodysHome: You can't have company over until you're dressed. It's really pretty simple.
Impus Minor: OK, sorry, Girl Next Door! You can't come over!

-----
And now it's an hour later, they're still gaming together on Skype, and he's still not dressed.

*SIGH*

I applaud your son's rebellion against the norms of society!

Hey, *last* summer Impus Major declared himself "Princess Wigglebottom" and spent the entire summer in tightie whities and a fluffy pink bathrobe.

Same wardobe this summer, even on gaming nights, but the Princess has left the building.

I like this kid!

The Exchange

I shouldn't, but I like this thread.

Scarab Sages

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Me: Were you climbing on the back of the sofa?

The Boy: Yeah, but that was an accident. So, give me a piggie back ride. That's my exercise.


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My younger brother just asked if Alton Brown on Food Network was Elton John...


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My 7-year-old, while getting fitted for her first pair of glasses, tried on her mother's (who was also getting new lenses at the time). Her reaction (in her outdoor voice, of course):

"Wow! I am going to be so blind!"

Silver Crusade

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I was showing my little brother this mug. He thought it was cool, until

"Rubbery lumps? Are you gonna be giving me poop tea?"

He also does the most hilarious George Takei impersonation.


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Having got into a discussion about poisonous fungi, my daughter, intending to say a certain fungus caused hallucinations in blue-and-white monochrome, told me it caused hallucinations of blue-and-white metronomes.
I love the visual of blue-and-white metronomes ticking away in all those hallucinations.


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So my daughter's bedroom door has her initials on it, KLS. Every time I take her in there for the past 6 months she points to the S, and I say, "S". Last week she started saying "S" herself. Its become her new favorite thing to say. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she's saying "S"...


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Once a month I have to attend what I call, "The Stupidest Meeting in the World." The guy who runs it has no idea how to run a meeting, and rambles on at length about trivial details that no one cares about. Sitting through the meeting is suffering.

So my manager and I were IM'ing back and forth about how bad this month's particular meeting was, when Impus Minor got home.

He listened for a minute.

"Dad? What are they talking about?"
"Oh, nothing in particular, Impus. I don't really have to listen, I just have to have it on in case they ask me any questions."
"Dad?"
"Yes?"
"Why do they all sound so sad and tired?"

I almost fell out of my chair laughing, and immediately IM'ed it to my manager. She LOVED it.

Wisdom from the mouths of pre-teens.


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When my son was about 7 I managed a video store (yeah, one of those recently deceased things) and he asked if he could go to work there. I told him there were certain requirements, like age and so forth, that kept me from hiring him. His response was, after looking at the movies organized by category and said, "Well, those bozos you have working for you now don't even know their alphabet. I at least have that on them".


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My youngest (a girl), proclaiming to the family that dinner, a large batch of hot dogs, was ready:

"We've got wieners! And I don't mean boy parts!"


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Baby Gersen has turned 1. She can walk, scurry, climb, and apply a mean leg-lock. But when she wants to tell us something, instead of making sounds, she waves her hands in a variety of intricate, incomprehensible patterns, and makes weird faces.

This totally baffled me until I stayed home one day and realized that Mrs Gersen has been showing her "Signing Time with Alex and Leah" every day.

I'm fine if Baby Gersen's first language turns out to be ALS, but I'd rather she didn't learn to make that horrible rictus smile the signing lady uses.


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I killed the thread!

Also, for the record, that should have been "ASL," not "ALS." Sign language, good; Lou Gehrig's disease, bad.


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My eldest (four-year-old):

"I have too many lovers for all my love!"

Heh.

I'm pretty sure that a) "lovers" means "loveys" i.e. his family/friends, and b) he has the basic premise backwards i.e. he loves everyone in the whole world (because he's said that several times).


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Update: I posted this on the Baby Gersen thread, but thought I'd share it here as well:
She spoke her first sentence! (You'll recall that, until now, she waved her hands in faux sign-language, rather than verbalizing.) Not a word -- a sentence!

It was, "I'm a pout-pout fish."


Very adorable Kirth, though what is the scientific Latin name of this "pout-pout fish" she speaks of, I have empty aquariums, and I want one! :)

(bonus points if she is emulating some sort of puffer fish)

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