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Hmmm maybe we should carve swastikas in our foreheads. Maybe that's the look women are going for these days. I'm gonna go practice my crazy stare in the mirror now.
So one lunatic discovered another lunatic, and they fell in love. Sounds like everybody, especially the people they aren't dating, wins.
Perfect time of the year for this news. Best of luck explaining why you're still single at Thanksgiving and Christmas and Charles Manson isn't.
All cripes, I forgot the holidays are coming up. People are getting antsy for me to start providing grandkids for these get togethers.
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All cripes, I forgot the holidays are coming up. People are getting antsy for me to start providing grandkids for these get togethers.
Mom: You heard about Charlie Manson? um humm. He's a murdering lunatic and he's found a wife. What's taking you so long? You're not even nearly as crazy. That's fine. I guess I'll just have to die never knowing what it's like to have grandchildren. No. NO. It's Fine. I'm fine. Your poor mother can just die alone without little ones to spoil and perpetuate the gene pool. No really. I'm fine. I worked for three days to make this meal for you, because I love you, and all I want is for you to find someone nice and settle down. But it's fine. No really. I knitted this onzie, but it looks like I may never need it. Maybe it'll fit the neighbors dog. Its fine. ... ... ... ... ...
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All cripes, I forgot the holidays are coming up. People are getting antsy for me to start providing grandkids for these get togethers.Mom: You heard about Charlie Manson? um humm. He's a murdering lunatic and he's found a wife. What's taking you so long? You're not even nearly as crazy. That's fine. I guess I'll just have to die never knowing what it's like to have grandchildren. No. NO. It's Fine. I'm fine. Your poor mother can just die alone without little ones to spoil and perpetuate the gene pool. No really. I'm fine. I worked for three days to make this meal for you, because I love you, and all I want is for you to find someone nice and settle down. But it's fine. No really. I knitted this onzie, but it looks like I may never need it. Maybe it'll fit the neighbors dog. Its fine. ... ... ... ... ...
Have you been to my parent's house? :)
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Have you been to my parent's house? :)All cripes, I forgot the holidays are coming up. People are getting antsy for me to start providing grandkids for these get togethers.Mom: You heard about Charlie Manson? um humm. He's a murdering lunatic and he's found a wife. What's taking you so long? You're not even nearly as crazy. That's fine. I guess I'll just have to die never knowing what it's like to have grandchildren. No. NO. It's Fine. I'm fine. Your poor mother can just die alone without little ones to spoil and perpetuate the gene pool. No really. I'm fine. I worked for three days to make this meal for you, because I love you, and all I want is for you to find someone nice and settle down. But it's fine. No really. I knitted this onzie, but it looks like I may never need it. Maybe it'll fit the neighbors dog. Its fine. ... ... ... ... ...
Lets just say that I too was very grateful to my sister when she started procreating.
Lets just say that I too was very grateful to my sister when she started procreating.Have you been to my parent's house? :)All cripes, I forgot the holidays are coming up. People are getting antsy for me to start providing grandkids for these get togethers.Mom: You heard about Charlie Manson? um humm. He's a murdering lunatic and he's found a wife. What's taking you so long? You're not even nearly as crazy. That's fine. I guess I'll just have to die never knowing what it's like to have grandchildren. No. NO. It's Fine. I'm fine. Your poor mother can just die alone without little ones to spoil and perpetuate the gene pool. No really. I'm fine. I worked for three days to make this meal for you, because I love you, and all I want is for you to find someone nice and settle down. But it's fine. No really. I knitted this onzie, but it looks like I may never need it. Maybe it'll fit the neighbors dog. Its fine. ... ... ... ... ...
I have no such luck.
I have a 1/2 brother who has 2 kids, but he and my father rarely talk, maybe 3-5 times per decade.
On the other side of my family I'm an only grandchild. I don't even have cousins.
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Answer: I have standards.
Bah! I have exaggerated standards!
Also my mom has actually stated that she accepted that she won't become grandmother, but I am not sure if she really feels that way.
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Advantages of living in Poland: no thanksgiving.
Advantages of parents living in England: no family christmas.
Advantages of not keeping contact with the rest of family: obvious.
What's your excuse?What do I need one for?
You're married, you don't count.
The answer is right there in front of you. Commit murder. Get caught. Go to prison. The crazies will be flocking to throw marriage proposals at you. Worked for the Menendez brothers. Worked for Scott Peterson (who, ironically, was sentenced for murdering his wife,) and it's worked for good 'ol Charlie.
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I recently got to cross something off my bucket list and that was to make out with Ariel the Sexy Roller Derby Chick. I've wanted to do that for, oh, seven years now, and it was just as awesome as I had always imagined!...even if she kept belittling me and telling me "You're doing it all wrong." Man, it was f!$!in' hawt!
She lives in the Bay Area now and comes back once a year or so. Last year, we had a pretty good time, but she kept talking about some dude named Nicky P., so I didn't make a move. And then, after she left, I realized, I know Nicky P! I've even met Nicky P! He's her gay friend who dragged her out to California in the first f@*&ing place! [Facepalm]
This year, she gets into town and takes me out. After three hours of her plying me with pumpkin-flavored alcoholic beverages, touching my arm repeatedly and then dragging me into a Hispanic karaoke bar for what I imagine must've been some of the worst Latin dancing the world has ever seen, I got the idea that maybe, just maybe, she wanted me to kiss her. Well, I was right. I'll spare you the gory details, but at some point she goes, "Oh Doodlebug, I would've made out with you last year!"
[Facepalm]/Huzzah!
Anyway, the reason I'm not married is because I'm a big loser and have real problems recognizing when women are interested in me.
Anyway, Hama, life is too short! Don't be like Doodlebug! Go get a woman!
(I wonder if UPS will let me transfer out to the Bay Area...)
So, do goblins do it in the street?
Congratulations !
I don't know if it will cool down the fiery temper you display in OTD's, but getting laid can't hurt.
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Based on my experiences of online dating, the following appear to be essentials for the modern Britlander woman:
1) Full set of teeth (tick!)
2) Job (tick!)
3) Not living with parents (tick!)
4) Not being 'only after one thing' (Jam? the ability to leap tall buildings at a single bound? A functional national rail transport system? Tick, anyway - I can play the long game...)
5) Following on from point 4, not sending strange women pictures of your dinkle (tick...)
6) Not posting photos of : you with your kids (interesting...), yourself draped over a sports car, yourself cuddling a smacked-up tiger, you with no top on flexing your pecs (tick!)
7) Not being a hopelessly immature mid-30s nerdish man-child (ti... er, er, MOVING ON!)
Of course, American/Serbian/German women may differ completely. IDK.
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Based on my experiences of online dating, the following appear to be essentials for the modern Britlander woman:
1) Full set of teeth (tick!)
2) Job (tick!)
3) Not living with parents (tick!)
4) Not being 'only after one thing' (Jam? the ability to leap tall buildings at a single bound? A functional national rail transport system? Tick, anyway - I can play the long game...)
5) Following on from point 4, not sending strange women pictures of your dinkle (tick...)
6) Not posting photos of : you with your kids (interesting...), yourself draped over a sports car, yourself cuddling a smacked-up tiger, you with no top on flexing your pecs (tick!)
7) Not being a hopelessly immature mid-30s nerdish man-child (ti... er, er, MOVING ON!)Of course, American/Serbian/German women may differ completely. IDK.
My experience with online dating has driven me to prefer sending out job resumes. At least there when they don't respond I can pretend it is because I don't have the qualifications they are looking for.
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...
Anyway, the reason I'm not married is because I'm a big loser and have real problems recognizing when women are interested in me.
Anyway, Hama, life is too short! Don't be like Doodlebug! Go get a woman!
(I wonder if UPS will let me transfer out to the Bay Area...)
I have the same problem. I'm completely oblivious when I'm being hit on. One basically just has to say it to my face.
That being said it's fortunate that I'm a gay dude. When it comes to sex we're not known for subtly.
Funny thing is I've been happily and monogamously married for almost ten years. As you might imagine he's the direct type also.
Basically i'm "safe" now in that people can tell me things without worrying that I'll try to get into their pants or let them in mine. Anyhow, with this safety I've had more than one person tell me that they used to hit on me hard and I never seemed interested. Truth be told once upon a time I totally would have slept with them, but I didn't realize they were hitting on me.
Oblivious. Party of 1.
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Back when I was single, the only people who ever hit on me were gay guys.
Unfortunately for me and for them, I'm not.
C'est la vie.
Back when I was single, the only people who ever hit on me were gay guys.
Unfortunately, I'm not.
C'est la vie.
Sad for you, but my saving grace. Kinda funny that.
C'est la vie indeed.
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Charles Manson has a date (for marriage). What's your excuse?
Well, gosh, it's probably because my state still considers such a thing illegal.
Two divorces and three marriages? Upholds "sanctity of marriage."
Murdering Chuck Manson gets wed? Still upholds "sanctity of marriage."
Two loving, moral, law-abiding, tax-paying people in a committed relationship who just happen to be the same sex? Nope, sorry, not for you.
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It's not that I don't notice being hit on by women (but I suspect that happens too), it's that I have problems discerning between being hit on and her just being nice to me.
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Perfect time of the year for this news. Best of luck explaining why you're still single at Thanksgiving and Christmas and Charles Manson isn't.
In my youth, when I'd been at a wedding or christening, and the ancient female elders were going 'You'll be next, you'll see.", I entertained myself by imagining myself returning the favour at the next funeral...
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Answer: I have standards.
I actually said that once, in front of about 5 female family members, and got a Death Glare from the deepest fires of the Abyss.
Too bad that unlike me, my family does not consider my dog a suitable substitute for offspring. They're rather practical folks, and in their estimation, a bichon serves no practical purpose - can't hunt, can't guard, can't herd.
I like to remind them that she does exactly what her breed was developed to do - keep me company and act as a great bedwarmer.
She's still not welcome at family gatherings, though.
Some folks just don't comprehend that constant human companionship is not necessary for everyone.
I guess I can consider myself fortunate that my parents respect the fact that I'm not interested in being in a romantic or sexual relationship and that I'm doubly not interested in having children.
Granted it probably helps that my brother IS married and has a child and my sister has made no secret of her desire to find a boyfriend and eventually get married and have kids. So I'm an acceptable write-off loss in the quest for grandchildren.
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So, do goblins do it in the street?
In the alley.
[Makes variety of smug, insufferable, swaggering, male gestures]
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Serbian girls are either gold diggers who base their looks on trashy 80s porn stars, crazy to the bone or taken. So no luck there :D
I never notice when a girl is hitting on me. Not that I get hit on often.
Like my friend says, I need airport signals to notice. Wave those fancy conical lamps and I might get the idea.
I'm 27 so my mother is just beginning the regime of motherly torture called "Why don't I have grandchildren yet".
And she's really out of luck. Neither I or my sister want to have kids anyway.
If she wants them that badly she could always adopt.
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Serbian girls are either gold diggers who base their looks on trashy 80s porn stars, crazy to the bone or taken.
Next stop: Serbia.
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Answer: I have standards.I actually said that once, in front of about 5 female family members, and got a Death Glare from the deepest fires of the Abyss.
Too bad that unlike me, my family does not consider my dog a suitable substitute for offspring. They're rather practical folks, and in their estimation, a bichon serves no practical purpose - can't hunt, can't guard, can't herd.
I like to remind them that she does exactly what her breed was developed to do - keep me company and act as a great bedwarmer.
She's still not welcome at family gatherings, though.Some folks just don't comprehend that constant human companionship is not necessary for everyone.
"he more I'm around people the more I like my dog. ~ Mark Twain (paraphrased)
Serbian girls are either gold diggers who base their looks on trashy 80s porn stars, crazy to the bone or taken.Next stop: Serbia.
I literally laughed out loud at this.
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If she wants them that badly she could always adopt.
You can't adopt grandchildren.
Grandparents-to-be who want grandchildren want to have all the fun of having kids with none of the responsibility.
Don't think this is bad, mind you, just the way it is. Looking forward to it myself when my kids are old enough.
If she wants them that badly she could always adopt.You can't adopt grandchildren.
Grandparents-to-be who want grandchildren want to have all the fun of having kids with none of the responsibility.
Oh I know what they want. But of the available options....
If she wants them that badly she could always adopt.You can't adopt grandchildren.
Grandparents-to-be who want grandchildren want to have all the fun of having kids with none of the responsibility.
Don't think this is bad, mind you, just the way it is. Looking forward to it myself when my kids are old enough.
Dear Elon Musk,
Congrats on SpaceX, Tesla, and Paypal. Would you like to make a few more billions? If so, I need an investor for my latest get-rich-quick scheme business venture: Rent-a-Grandkid...
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Serbian girls are either gold diggers who base their looks on trashy 80s porn stars, crazy to the bone or taken.Next stop: Serbia.I worked with two Serbian chicks a few years back. Damn. I mean, seriously, DAMN. ;-)
But, yeah, like Hama says, crazy to the bone.
But yeah, crazy. Worse if there is Russian or Ukrainian blood mixed in there somewhere, trust me, I know firsthand.
Serbian girls are either gold diggers who base their looks on trashy 80s porn stars, crazy to the bone or taken. So no luck there
Just head southeast a bit down the Danube -- most Bulgarian women are smoking hot, and I really like their sense of humor there, too.