What is the worst roleplaying / backstory you have ever seen?


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I personally have not seen much bad roleplaying or bad backstories but I'm interested in reading some funny and horrible backstories and roleplaying moments. So have at it.

Sovereign Court

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This didn't happen to me but a close friend of mine. He was starting up a new game and advertised for it since he needed a few players to round out the party. He sends out a detailed email explaining chargen, the AP he was using, a couple of his house rules, and a few things he bans from his games.

One of the join ups sends a forwarded response asking questions about everything covered in the email. "What stat generation? Which AP are we going for?" /facepalm Then he begins to describe his characters background story and it was like 1500 words im not kidding. It was all kinds of weird things like, "dancing bear trainer, canoe maker, and ginseng smuggler." Thats just the things I remember. We had a good laugh about how the character would be like 900 years old to have all these experiences.

The he got down to mechanics and was like "I'm thinking ranger then into sorc, and then gunslinger for my first three levels. I am thinking witch for level 4. "Oh my race is human but I have orc blood too so im a human and half-orc." I told my friend to uninvite this guy asap! He was a trooper though and considered his enthusiasm as a good thing.

Fast forward about a dozen sessions and they finally had a falling out. Guy actively worked to derail every plot. When the party faced a difficult situation or foe, guy just wanted to quit the quest and just farm beets and raise chickens. He was finally asked to leave.


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I've told this story in the Worst PC thread but it bears repeating.

My first and worst GM had a homebrew setting that was most standard European fantasy except that the Dwarves and Gnomes ruled most of the land because my GM was an a&$#&&~ who liked Gnomes a little too much. We ran one horrible campaign in the world and then ran a sequel campaign with new characters.

Three players decided to coordinate their backstories which I thought was awesome. They decided they were brothers from a far-off Japan equivalent that had never been mentioned before. This was like the Seven Samurai wandering into King Arthur's Court. They got away with this because one of the players was the GM's favorite.

The player picked to be the oldest brother, and therefore head of their clan, was the most inexperienced of them. I think the others were hoping that he'd be more comfortable if he had more opportunities to try roleplaying. He was not.

His class was a fighter so he didn't have many roleplaying skills to make up for his inexperience. He decided to cede any roleplaying initiative by only speaking Japanese. His character could speak common; he chose not to.

This naturally led to him not speaking very often but when he did, it was just stupid. I should also mention that this player liked to play on his laptop while the session was going on around him so he rarely followed the plot.

At one point, the party was in a tense, high-stakes negotiation to end a war with a foreign nation. We were discussing possible trade ties as a long-term road towards peace. When we got to the part about what specific goods would be bought and sold, the Fighter blurted out "what about the women?"

Now I know what you're thinking: "He really intended to buy and sell women?" Well no not really. We were talking about alcohol because my cleric was a crazed Russian who owned Vodka distilleries. The fighter had read or heard somewhere that women traditionally brewed sake in pre-Modern Japan. I looked that up right then and there and it wasn't true at all. I still have no idea where it came from but it happened and the player was immediately punished for it. He had to step down as head of the clan in favor of a more experienced roleplayer and we teased him for weeks about it.

He still plays with us but he hasn't gotten any better about roleplaying. He's learned not to blurt anything out without making sure he knows what the plot is though.

For those who have read the Worst PC thread and have already heard this story, I offer a runner-up from the same player. In another campaign with another GM, he played a Tiefling Rogue with an average but serviceable backstory.

We all stuck in a dreamlike state where we were epic level and our wildest dreams had come true. Me and the Halfling sorcerer share one dream, the Elven ranger, the Human paladin, and the Half-Elven cleric shared another, and the Tielfing was left all on his own.

We had a blast roleplaying especially since me and the halfling went out and searched for the rest of our party so those players had to roleplay alternate versions of themselves. The GM expected the Tiefling to do the same but the player apparently wasn't up to that despite having over a week to think of something (and, believe me, he had plenty of free time.)

The Tiefling had been creepily hitting on a Tiefling NPC because he liked being creepy but the GM interpreted that as him liking her. So in the dream reality, they were together. The player decided to "screw reality back into place" by having lots of sex with his dream wife and therefore didn't actually do anything to escape the dream.

I don't mean that as him choosing not to because he wanted to stay in the Matrix-like dream. That's what the Half-Elf decided to do in order to escape persecution and have her Elven parents love her. The Tiefling just didn't want to do anything.

The sequence has fun but the Tiefling's part was just dumb. Was good for a laugh though.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I really once had a player show up to an open game with the following character (AD&D 1e):

The character was named Bill. He was a fighter. His name was "Bill the Fighter."

His back story was: "Bill is a fighter who likes to fight stuff."

Sovereign Court

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I had a player come to the game, obviously not caring and just being there for the lolz. So his backstory? He didn't have one.


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I had a guy with no backstory, and no name. He couldn't think of one, so his character sheet perpetually said "Pending" on the Name line.

So that's what he ended up being called. I allowed it on the grounds that his last name be Patent.

We had fun.


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Probably not the worst, but possibly the most overused. I played with a guy back 1e days whose every character was seeking revenge for the murder of his father/sensei/mother/chartered accountant/you name it. EVERY character. But what made it even funnier (and he does it to this day) is how he uses the wrong words to mean something else. For instance, his back stories all centered around (in his words) the character's personal bandanna. What he meant was "vendetta". But he didn't know the right word so he picked one that sounded a little like it.

Now, 30 years on, this has become part of our gaming lexicon and whenever anyone seeks revenge it's a "personal bandanna". We even made up our personalized bandannas once. Just because.

Sorry for the thread derail, but what it boils down to is the worst character background was always the best he could come up with; revenge for the death of someone.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Probably not the worst, but possibly the most overused.

Place camera directly over hero, pointing down, while the hero looks up into the camera and skyward screams "Nooooooooooooo!"

Sovereign Court

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Hello my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.


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*Looks into fridge*

"Oh, Hell, not again!"


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So, this guy made three mistakes:

-He was playing a dark, edgy anime character whose internal monologues (This was a 3.5e PbP) consisted of self-congratulatory gloating, purple prose, and explicitly thinking of the other PCs as "tools to be used."

-He was badly roleplaying a cliched shapeshifter. You know, he'd always correct himself mid-word when talking about himself or his past, he kept referring to stuff he could smell, and lavished way too much purple prose on how he couldn't wait to discard his current frail aspect.

-Did I mention the gorram purple prose?

The rest of the party got tired of it (by the end of the first page, come to think of it) and started hatching a plan titled Operation 'Sorry, But You're Obviously A Lycanthrope'. This would have entailed getting an iron collar (The 'Mark One Werewolf Restraint Collar") forged that would inflict a random condition when he transforms. Our DM was going to allow it because, unknown to us, the guy was playing a kitsune imported from Pathfinder. When he'd transform, the collar would just inflict nonlethal damage and wound his pride.

It could have actually made for some excellent roleplay, if he'd been any good at roleplaying. Or if the campaign lasted long enough to set the operation in motion.


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2e: Guy makes an Athasian halfling (with all the Dark Sun rules) to play in the Forgotten Realms.

"Here's my backstory: I wake up on the ground, and I'm wearing a helmet with the word 'spelljamming' inscribed on it."

/sigh/


"Gorram purple prose"?

Not computing.

Shadow Lodge

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DungeonmasterCal wrote:

"Gorram purple prose"?

Not computing.

Gorram

purple prose


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I've seen so many Drizzt, Legolas, and Gandalf clones, I would be entirely justified in just randomly weeping. Some players handle it well and roleplay their ripoff to the hilt, but even then it just reeks of LOLJUSTSAWTWOTOWERSANDIMABADASSNAO+5BOWPLZ!!!!!1111!!

Here's one of them: the Worst Gandalf Ever

D&D core, 3.0, 2004

When the DM told the player "no you can't have demigod powers and an outsider type", the player sulked until he finally rolled up an elf cleric with war and magic domains (and hated preparing heal spells). He named this character Arelrondalf...and I am not joking, not in the least. Most of the sessions were spent with him quoting LOTR films dialogue (just from the films, not the books) and insisting that his failed diplomacy attempts should work anyway.

The DM was an understanding, fair, clueless-in-a-good-way, and all around nice guy. He never caught on to any of Arelrondalf's passive aggressive crap, so the games were almost completely hilarious and the rest of us couldn't even laugh. Despite the ticking bomb, things went pretty well until Arelrondalf tried to dramatically suicide to save the rest of the party in one of the most surreal tabletop experiences I've had. I was running a human wizard/candle caster and the other players were a half-orc scythe-focused paladin and a dwarven something (started off as fighter and added thirty PrCs).

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - The balor's hurting. It roars in frustration and swings at [Scythe-Master-Paladin]. rolls The attack was too high and you're able to duck. [Necro-the-Candle-Caster], it's your turn.

Me - speaks to the paladin and cleric players I call out to you guys, "The anchor is still holding, but the fiend's death is harmful to all. Get back so we can finish him!" knew that Arelrondalf had at least two flame strikes left I'll just ready a magic missile and wait for them to move clear.

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - Now it's your turn, [Scythe-Master-Paladin].

Scythe-Master-Paladin - Can we use the pillars to shield us?

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - You can get behind cover points on the map here and points again here to help lower the damage.

Scythe-Master-Paladin - Okay, I'll move to...here. waits

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - rolls and shakes his head The balor misses and you're good to go. [Crazy-500-Class-Dwarf], you're still at five HP. You're waaaaay back here and it's your turn.

Crazy-500-Class-Dwarf - I'll take cure wounds potion for...rolls...nineteen, Alex! Then I'll move further away.

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - And you're at twenty-four. Arelondalf, it's your turn.

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - moves character token closer to balor but stops before entering threat zone I speak to the balor: "Go back to the shadows!" I cast--

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - confused look Wait! Are you sure you want to get that close?

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - nods and stares at the balor token "Go back to the shadows, demon!" raises hands

Me - slow motion facepalm We're not even on a bridge...

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - still raising hands I call upon Pelor's wrath and invoke flame strike rolls for damage and raises hands again

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - rolls and grins The balor fails its spell resi--

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - literally bellows at the balor figurine YOOOUUUUU SHALL...NOT...PAAAAAAASSSSSSS

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - raises eyebrows, but chuckles and continues Awesome, balor's dead. Arelondalf and [Scythe-Master-Paladin] roll reflex saves.

Scythe-Master-Paladin - rolls Sixteen! Nice.

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - rolls with a stern look Three. raises head a bit and dramatically speaks As the blast burns me away, I turn to the others--

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - Wait, you were at forty-six? Yeah, that puts you at neg-four. [Scythe-Master-Paladin], you've still got a couple of (lay on) hands left.

Scythe-Master-Paladin - nods I drop my scythe and run to Arelondalf. "Hang on, elf!"

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - annoyed When the balor exploded, its remains still burned upon the floor. Arelondalf collapses into the flames and whispers "Fly you fools!" closes eyes and lowers head

Scythe-Master-Paladin - thoroughly confused You're just unconscious, man. You live.

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - equally confused, starts looking through books to make sure he remembers the rules

Crazy-500-Class-Dwarf - cycles through a series of hilarious confused looks

Me - continues facepalm and tightens grip to keep from laughing

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - shakes head and closes book There's no fiery surface left after a balor nuke; you're good.

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - serious-business-face I fell so that you might live.

Scythe-Master-Paladin - But you're not dead! Lay on hands! Here, have some! reaches out

Crazy-500-Class-Dwarf - shrugs I'll just carry the silly elf back with us--we can spring for a raise dead, right?

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - frustrated, raises voice He's not dead!

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - still serious-business I cannot return...yet.

Jolly-but-oblivious-DM - realizes what's going on, gets angry, gets loud You're...not...dead!

Me - I pull out a mundane candle and light it over the elf. begins to sing Aaaamaaaazii-iiing Graaace! How sweeeet the sooounnnd, that saaaaaavvveeedddd...

Arelondalf-the-Neverheal - glares

The session broke down and we forcibly removed the player from Arelondalf. That character was never allowed to be reincarnated on a character sheet again.


Weirdo wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:

"Gorram purple prose"?

Not computing.

Gorram

purple prose

Purple Prose I got. Never heard of "gorram", but then I didn't watch "Firefly".


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Great college game where we were to create characters who had accomplished something to make then worthy of godhood. We had the powerful warlord who had enslaved nations, the holy paladin who had slain archdevils, the thief who picked the lock to heaven's gate and

"I'm a good cook. No seriously I'm a really, REALLY good cook."

Not a great backstory but still and awesome campaign.


i deal with many mediocre roleplays on a regular basis, being guilty of them myself, but i will tell you of the worst player i had to deal with at weekly william's table for a good 8 years or so

you can call me Ilina, i'm a mute girl of 25 years who could barely pass for under half her age, my boyfriend is a male of 25 years named Tim who happens to be a childhood friend of mine, and we started dating recently after having a long sibling like bond, despite no biological relation, he always wanted a younger sister to protect, and i am quite fond of cute anime girls due to their similarity to myself. we share this paizo account together. i communicate in public by writing on a whiteboard and having my boyfriend read aloud for me. i can hear, but i can't speak. but my boyfriend can both hear and speak. he is also one of the only 8 people in the world alive that can read my writing.

there is that large, smelly, chronic virgin male named Aaron, he is a potential Fatalite candidate, he is a former sex offender, he is a misogynist, and he likes to describe his sexual fantasies to me in front of my boyfriend and call it "roleplaying his character". he ignores my requests for him to stop his actions, because i pass the note to my boyfriend and he has to read it aloud, because i can't speak and he says "Ilina's not the one that said it". he knows i can't speak and sexually harrasses me telling me "Ilina needs to tell me to stop with her words like a big girl" because he knows i can't physically speak, he disregards my charades and disregards my whiteboard. every time i get frustrated he will tease me about "blushing". usually, every game, the DM and game store owner give me permission to slap Aaron with my whiteboard a few times

sometimes, i get caught doing it by the local mall cops, but they don't press charges, because they have worse things to deal with than a petite mute female slapping a large sex offender with a minature personal white board.

i get away with it due to the special circumstances, the Game Store Won't ban Aaron because he spends 15 times more in refreshments than any other player in the entire store, spending enough in refreshments per week to buy 2-3 hardcover pathfinder books. so this is generally guaranteed income on a small family owned store that rarely gets customers. the game Rooms have a policy that each player who enters a room, has to pay an individual fee to use a room, and all people who rent the same room, can't be denied access to the same play group as a store policy. 5 dollars per player, for 5 hours, and an additional 10 dollars for the room. Aaron pays the 5 dollars and knows we can't exclude him because he payed to join the group. so he can do whatever the hell he pleases. the game store charges whatever fees it can due to being such a small and money starved store.

Shadow Lodge

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isaak anderson 179 wrote:

Great college game where we were to create characters who had accomplished something to make then worthy of godhood. We had the powerful warlord who had enslaved nations, the holy paladin who had slain archdevils, the thief who picked the lock to heaven's gate and

"I'm a good cook. No seriously I'm a really, REALLY good cook."

Not a great backstory but still and awesome campaign.

I don't know, that sounds like a fantastic backstory. The standard PF game has a good share of nation-enslavers and archdevil-slayers - the world is literally built to make it possible to achieve such feats. But epic level cooks? Must be one heck of a meal.


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Hey, why not? "I have cooked meals so grand it has even garnered attention from gods themselves. They were so enamoured by my meals they could not help but reward me by making me the chef of the gods as none other could satisfy their appetites as I have done! My creations have even satisfied the hunger of great demons that would devour the world itself!" Quirky but awesome and I would totally let it in.


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For what is the worst backstory I have heard? It has to be -Player: "My character has a dark past that he keeps to himself. He doesn't care about much more than coin which is why he became a mercenary and will do anything to get paid." -Me: "So, every character you have ever made for the past decade?" -Player: "...Yes."


Jaçinto wrote:
For what is the worst backstory I have heard? It has to be -Player: "My character has a dark past that he keeps to himself. He doesn't care about much more than coin which is why he became a mercenary and will do anything to get paid." -Me: "So, every character you have ever made for the past decade?" -Player: "...Yes."

sounds like every homicidal transient orphan my boyfriend and i had the pleasure of traveling with. which is every PC we played with, regardless of system.

and my boyfriend and i, play cutesey small framed anime girls, regardless of campaign, but at least we can tweak the tone, usually more Gokou Ruri/Victorica De Blois and less Hello Kitty/Sailor Moon

sometimes we will take inspiration from a puella magi, beacon huntress, hyperdimension neptunia goddess, nanoha mage, precure or sailor senshi with a few tweaks, and we even played an enma ai wannabe and a genderswapped ciel phantomhive with her cambion maid that killed people by using literal mithril silverware.


Ok I have been avoiding Big Eyes Small Mouth like the plague but you are making me want to check it out now and give it a chance.

Also, that is a sucky predicament you are in. Want this guy gone but don't want to hurt the store since it seems to be struggling and he is giving it money. Though if he keeps it up, eventually you may have to inform the police on a sexual harassment charge which would probably stick what with this creep's priors.

I admit I kinda torment people at my table as well but I have rules. First, if I mess with you in any way I am giving you full permission to mess with me. if you can't take it, don't do it. Second, if I ever cross a line just tell me, in any form you are capable of doing, and I will stop immediately.

Aside from that, the best you can do maybe is have the GM make his game as distasteful to his player as possible. I mean, sure he can play but don't expect buffs from anyone and also, hey it looks like the monsters are all targeting him again. Basically try to make it so he wont want to play with your group and just to go to a different table.

Oh another bad background thing is when a player makes an interesting background but then totally dumps anything to do with it when the game starts. Ok, one player plays a merfolk character after his first one died. He put in his story that this was his character's brother and he was seeking revenge for the death of his brother. He finds out a giant moray eel killed him and then the party ate him. He just shrugs to the party with a "Oh ok then, whatever." After they admit they ate his brother's corpse.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16

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Jaçinto wrote:

Ok I have been avoiding Big Eyes Small Mouth like the plague but you are making me want to check it out now and give it a chance.

Also, that is a sucky predicament you are in. Want this guy gone but don't want to hurt the store since it seems to be struggling and he is giving it money. Though if he keeps it up, eventually you may have to inform the police on a sexual harassment charge which would probably stick what with this creep's priors.

I admit I kinda torment people at my table as well but I have rules. First, if I mess with you in any way I am giving you full permission to mess with me. if you can't take it, don't do it. Second, if I ever cross a line just tell me, in any form you are capable of doing, and I will stop immediately.

Aside from that, the best you can do maybe is have the GM make his game as distasteful to his player as possible. I mean, sure he can play but don't expect buffs from anyone and also, hey it looks like the monsters are all targeting him again. Basically try to make it so he wont want to play with your group and just to go to a different table.

Oh another bad background thing is when a player makes an interesting background but then totally dumps anything to do with it when the game starts. Ok, one player plays a merfolk character after his first one died. He put in his story that this was his character's brother and he was seeking revenge for the death of his brother. He finds out a giant moray eel killed him and then the party ate him. He just shrugs to the party with a "Oh ok then, whatever." After they admit they ate his brother's corpse.

Don't feed the troll. That user has a history of inventing over-the-top horror stories that don't add up.


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One of the most memorably bad concepts/backstories I have ever come upon is one of my favorite stories to tell.

I had been running a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP for about a year, and whenever I recruited new players, I tried to instill upon them how important it was to have an in depth concept for their character. It drives both the drama and investment for your gaming experience. I met a new player named John, and gave him my usual spiel. He got super excited and said he had an idea, but wanted to time work on it. He said he would get back to me in two weeks.

Two weeks pass, and he has sent me numerous emails about how pumped he was about his concept. He had been brewing it for two weeks now, and he knew I would be really into it. It was the best thing he had ever come up with.

Finally, we sit down on game night to make the character. I tell him to pitch the concept, and by now, I am really intrigued by his enthusiasm. He smiles, slaps his hand down on the table and says "German. Brujah." I wait for more, he just sits there.

That was his entire concept.

I should note for the none Vampire savvy out there, Brujah is simply a clan of Vampires. It would be akin to someone in Pathfinder saying their concept was a fighter. It is also important to mention he was not trolling me, and was completely sincere.

Shadow Lodge

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A summoner|alchemist in a gestalt game who introduced his character by entering the scene with his catgirl eidolon on a leash. And then was surprised and befuddled when the entire party and a few nearby NPCs reacted badly.

We to this day don't know his backstory and didn't care. Just from that introduction, it couldn't be anything but terrible.

Granted this player's characters tended to be one-note, two-dimensional, and utterly lacking in anything interesting about them to anyone but himself, with one or two rare exceptions, so I doubt this one was any different.


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Worst back story I ever saw was:
"Plane shifted from somewhere that taking all this stuff together makes sense."

----------------------------------------

Necromancer wrote:
I've seen so many Drizzt, Legolas, and Gandalf clones, I would be entirely justified in just randomly weeping. Some players handle it well and roleplay their ripoff to the hilt, but even then it just reeks of LOLJUSTSAWTWOTOWERSANDIMABADASSNAO+5BOWPLZ!!!!!1111!!...

I had a player that always wants to play Drizzt's cousin, nephew, brother, uncle, etc... Of course he never actually wants to deal with the problems of being a drow. Never hides what he looks like - but they should like me cause I've got a 12 charisma. Get's upset if there is any drow assault trying to take him back. He actually said once, "But after Drizzt everyone should know they can be good and the matrons would stop trying to get back the runaways."


I wish the Bad Apps* website still existed. It had some truly marvelous examples of horrendous backstories.

This was compiled by a guy who was a GM on GarouMUSH and it was, truth be told, kinda mean. But also hilarious in what people were trying to get by the application process.

My favourite, I think, was the guy who was part of a secret organization and had authority to call in nuclear strikes but obviously wouldn't use that authority because that might be overpowered and he was a cool guy like that.

Man I wish that site still existed.

*) This was at a time where App was short for application. Well. I guess it still is. But the non-software kind of application!


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Player brought to the table:

Samurai Wu-Jen Irda who had been constructed as weapon by an unknown power (2nd edition). So lets see: Oriental Adventures + Dragonlance + a touch of Warforged (before Eberron existed, so not sure how it would apply - but dang if it wasn't a close match) mashup. A powergamer package - except he hardly ever cast a spell and shot every opponent with explosive arrows for no apparent reason. Did I mention he had amnesia, so he didn't have a clue how he got there?


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Alex Martin 862 wrote:

Player brought to the table:

Samurai Wu-Jen Irda who had been constructed as weapon by an unknown power (2nd edition). . . .

Oh My Stars and Garters... you just gave me an unfortunate flashback to a second edition game where a "long time gamer" brought in an Irda unarmed fighter. Everything was an argument as to how the character functioned.

This was probably about the third time I had ever played table top rpgs. After breaking a dragon's wings and punching him to death, he ordered us to use the creature's patella to make one of the only pieces of armor he could wear... he went on and on about his character's amazing past which boiled down to "He's like an intelligent ogre and most of his race is dead." It was kind of like being an orphan on steroids. :\

And I've had some friends who could have made it interesting. He just made it annoying.


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Why on earth does Cloudstrider keep mentioning liking anime or being like an anime character? I honestly thought their self description was copy pasting a terrible character backstory from a previous game.

Sovereign Court

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Because some people are like that.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

During the 90s, the Highlander movies and TV series was somewhat popular, and inspired one of my players way too much.

We played Palladium Fantasy, which is somewhat analogous to D&D, and he wanted to play a Highlander type immortal badly. So bad, he begged everyone into letting him.

I reminded him that the group was creating first level, inexperienced characters. He went off the rails and made up some centuries long deep backstory that had him facing numerous decapitation battles in his past.

I reminded him that everyone was first level, which most likely meant his first "death" occurred to losing his first battle or having an accident as his character has no experience yet! So he rewrote to say he died the first time by falling down the stairs. He then kept crowing to the rest of the party that he was immortal and invincible and could never be defeated.

Another player finally had enough, and with his first level psychic character compelled him to cluck like a chicken. The save was failed, and for the next few hours, Mr. Highlander clucked like a chicken.

Shadow Lodge

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Alex Smith 908 wrote:
Why on earth does Cloudstrider keep mentioning liking anime or being like an anime character? I honestly thought their self description was copy pasting a terrible character backstory from a previous game.

S/he has always been like that. Anime characters/tropes are his/her favorite concepts.


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We typically don't share ours with each other, but my worst one was an old wizard who had gone senile. He was convinced that magic leaked out of your body when you touch things so he (this was before mythic) floated around on floating disk completely nude in order to keep from touching anything.

He was half crazed, slightly xenophobic, and hated other casters because of their mocking of his theories related to magical reservoirs and magical energy conduction. He was prone to long angry rants upon meeting another caster.

In combat he would chase people around, electricity sparking from his finger tips, screaming "i'm going to touch you!"

Edit: My gestalt character might have been the worst, not sure. He was a paladin/monk who had a backstory as a Fighter/Rogue. He had gone on the last exploration mission out of the city after the dimensional barrier that had stood for 1000 years fell (the city background and all that aren't mine).

When the previous expedition failed, he had been found by a nomadic band of halflings and nursed back to health. They said they had been led to him by a sign from Yondalla, Goddess of halflings, and so he became a worshiper and trained with the halflings that served her. When the new expedition was seen leaving his former home, he was given a sign and so left, to rejoin the expedition, this time as Yondalla's faithful servant and messenger.

The character was lawful good, but freshly so, and freshly religious. He had difficulties not taking things that didn't belong to him, but always returned them and paid for retribution. When people were punished for wrong doings they didn't even know about (a shrine that demanded payment but used a language no one else could hope to understand) he yelled at the deity involved. He constantly back talked to his own deity. He had a propensity towards trying to woo random ladies at bars instead of working on the mission.


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Jaçinto wrote:

Ok I have been avoiding Big Eyes Small Mouth like the plague but you are making me want to check it out now and give it a chance.

Me and my friends were very excited when we first got that, then as we were flipping through someone saw nipple clips.

We were kind of WTF for a minute until we started looking at it again and realized we'd accidentally gotten BBSW: Big Breasts, Small Waist, the porno version of BESM.

Needless to say, with a group of five adult men and a couple of children, that never got played.


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I had a player who didn't like to roleplay. I mean ever. First time he ever came to a game and I didn't know him at all, he shows up with a female elf paladin. I'm like "Score! This guy's really getting into a role!" So I open the session with background questions. He tells me "amnesia" for everything.

His next character is a dwarf fighter. I sent out a questionaire before the game started. Every answer was one or 2 words. For "where were you born" he answered "a village".

Next game he came in late so I gave him an NPC. The guy was another dwarf fighter with a fairly intricate backstory tied to another PC. This is a character made famous (that I mentioned in another thread) for being played with SO little RP that he nearly died standing exposed to the elements for 3 days in the middle of the town square while the rest of the party was off on Downtime.

Finally the last game he was in he made... another dwarf. This time however he made up a cleric. Predicitably he ignored the email for backstories. When I forced him to come up with one on the spot for the first session he said his home had been destroyed. I asked "by what?" He goes "what's the main monster for the ranger?" I answer kobolds. "Them; they did it."

Needless to say I constantly wondered why this guy sat down to play a "Fantasy RPG" if he disliked both pretending in fantasies and RP.


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Mark Hoover wrote:
Needless to say I constantly wondered why this guy sat down to play a "Fantasy RPG" if he disliked both pretending in fantasies and RP.

He did it to meet women..


Admittedly this was in Legend of the Five Rings not Pathfinder but:

We have a character who is playing in a Court Based Game. He wants to play the BAMF Bushi who can slaughter any foe. 5 Chapters, our PbP equivalent to sessions, in he gets fed up as we have currently had only 3 duels all of which my character handled as I had the higher Iaijutsu Skill so he decides to start challenging everything that was said to him saying that it is what his character would do. Thankfully our GM finally got fed up and when he challenged the lord the lord turned to my character for his champion. Needless to say an Iaijutsu and Kenjutsu Roll of 3k2 versus a Roll of 7k4 and 6k3 respectively is not a fair fight when it is to the death.

Then there was the Lecherous Monk played by the same guy that sounds kinda like Cloudstrider's case...

EDIT: I should probably clarify that this group typically can only get together IRL around once every month or 2 so we usually run a PbP game together.


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Kydeem de'Morcaine wrote:

Worst back story I ever saw was:

"Plane shifted from somewhere that taking all this stuff together makes sense."

----------------------------------------

Necromancer wrote:
I've seen so many Drizzt, Legolas, and Gandalf clones, I would be entirely justified in just randomly weeping. Some players handle it well and roleplay their ripoff to the hilt, but even then it just reeks of LOLJUSTSAWTWOTOWERSANDIMABADASSNAO+5BOWPLZ!!!!!1111!!...
I had a player that always wants to play Drizzt's cousin, nephew, brother, uncle, etc... Of course he never actually wants to deal with the problems of being a drow. Never hides what he looks like - but they should like me cause I've got a 12 charisma. Get's upset if there is any drow assault trying to take him back. He actually said once, "But after Drizzt everyone should know they can be good and the matrons would stop trying to get back the runaways."

Ignoring for the moment that Drizz't himself should be on this list, Kydeem's post reminds me of one of the players in my old WoW RPG game, who would alternately come to the table with some of the best concepts and roleplaying deliveries, and then later come to us with the worst.

This is the guy who freaked the entire party out by using Fabricate to render the corpse of a Manticore into piles of its constituent parts (meat on the left, bones on the right, organs in the middle, don't ask how he got the blood into those barrels). I'd seen some brilliant things out of him.

And then the WoW game happened.

I inform the players that the game will take place after the end of WarCraft 3, with a very uneasy and tentative alliance between the Orcs of Kalimdor, the Tauren, the Night Elves, and Jaina Proudmoore's (very) small Human/High-Elf outpost. The PC's will be various members of this alliance, and I inform them left, right, and center, that the old racial prejudices from the previous WarCraft games still exist and are going to be central to the game.

He comes in with a Human Paladin who is bent on rooting out evil, no matter where it lives. Okay, I can work with this.

Every time he gets a chance, he goes off on yet another attempt to get every Orc in the Barrens to be his friend. He goes out and tries to meet-and-greet, giving flowery speeches and bringing gifts (what amounted to blankets and beads, really) to the "poor downtrodden villagers." All of this was through a brief description and then "I'm rolling Diplomacy!" And when I would have them react poorly to his attempts, and when the other PC's would remind him, in character, that it's his actions, not his words, that will get him recognition and respect within the Horde, he invariably would reply with "But I have a super high Diplomacy skill!"

But you're coming off of decades of wholesale war between Orcs and Humans, we'd say.

"I have a high Diplomacy!" he'd retort.

But remember, the Orcs were kept in internment camps and treated like slaves and worse after the last war, we'd say.

"Doesn't matter. High Diplomacy!"

But Humans from your own Knightly Order engaged in the outright slaughter of Orc villages, butchering women and children as part of those earlier wars.

"HIGH. DIPLOMACY."

And it wasn't just a matter of "I don't know how to roleplay this situation," here. I've seen that before and that's fine. This was flat out "I have a +12 to my Diplomacy, I should be able to shift their reactions and make them my friends."

Had he actually roleplayed the efforts and gone out and done verifiable, brave, heroic things in the name of Thrall and the rest of that tenuous alliance, it would have been simple. But he just actively stuck to the "I have a high value in this skill, I don't have to roleplay or do anything to earn that result but get a good number on the die."

It was sad, really, because if any of the characters had the potential to bridge that gap, it was his.


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In the 20something group I GM for there are only a couple of players who get that Diplomacy is more than just a number on a character sheet. The others try to just, and this is a quote, "I try to Diplomacy him".


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I honestly only use Diplomacy like that if I am drawing a blank on what to say which is rare.


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That brings up something I have told people at our table. If you didn't want to actually do any talking and play out your diplomatic actions, why did you put your points into diplomacy and essentially build a face man?


DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Weirdo wrote:
DungeonmasterCal wrote:

"Gorram purple prose"?

Not computing.

Gorram

purple prose

Purple Prose I got. Never heard of "gorram", but then I didn't watch "Firefly".

A wise choice.

Liberty's Edge

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Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber

I'm sure there are a few of you out there...

I can't stand any back story that includes coming through a portal from a different setting... That drives me nuts for some odd reason.


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Dragnmoon wrote:

I'm sure there are a few of you out there...

I can't stand any back story that includes coming through a portal from a different setting... That drives me nuts for some odd reason.

Same here. I spend a lot of time creating a homebrew setting that I hope is interesting enough for players to want to "be from" rather than some other place. I do allow portals from one place in my homebrew to another, but not other worlds or dimensions.


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DungeonmasterCal wrote:
Dragnmoon wrote:

I'm sure there are a few of you out there...

I can't stand any back story that includes coming through a portal from a different setting... That drives me nuts for some odd reason.

Same here. I spend a lot of time creating a homebrew setting that I hope is interesting enough for players to want to "be from" rather than some other place. I do allow portals from one place in my homebrew to another, but not other worlds or dimensions.

Goodbye

Arcana (ancient mysteries, magic traditions, arcane symbols, constructs, dragons, magical beasts); Although robots are constructs, Knowledge (arcana) cannot be used to identify robots or their abilities and weaknesses.
Dungeoneering (aberrations, caverns, oozes, spelunking)
Engineering (buildings, aqueducts, bridges, fortifications); This is the most important skill with regard to technological subjects. Knowledge (engineering) can be used to identify a robot's abilities and weaknesses.
Geography (lands, terrain, climate, people); Used for astronomy.
History (wars, colonies, migrations, founding of cities)
Local (legends, personalities, inhabitants, laws, customs, traditions, humanoids)
Nature (animals, fey, monstrous humanoids, plants, seasons and cycles, weather, vermin)
Nobility (lineages, heraldry, personalities, royalty)
Planes (the Inner Planes, the Outer Planes, the Astral Plane, the Ethereal Plane, outsiders, planar magic)
Religion (gods and goddesses, mythic history, ecclesiastic tradition, holy symbols, undead)

Cause welcome to your knew world, where you don't know jack. You can make some educated guesses but, well, good luck.


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Dragnmoon wrote:

I'm sure there are a few of you out there...

I can't stand any back story that includes coming through a portal from a different setting... That drives me nuts for some odd reason.

GM required us to be savage species once. I chose earth elemental. Guilty as charged here :P


Orthos wrote:
Alex Smith 908 wrote:
Why on earth does Cloudstrider keep mentioning liking anime or being like an anime character? I honestly thought their self description was copy pasting a terrible character backstory from a previous game.
S/he has always been like that. Anime characters/tropes are his/her favorite concepts.

this account belongs to a couple, a male and female, both 25 years old and both into anime. we share it. we always have horror stories. but we aren't trolls.

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