Yeah I would say that is a pretty big turn off.
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Thank you, Terquem. As you say, it's about consent. Children can't give consent, but then, it's not a given that an adult can either, whether through intoxication, other forms of incapacitation, severe emotional turmoil, cognitive handicaps, or the like.
Due to the consequences of assumed ability to consent I'm more in favor of laws favoring possible victims and protecting them from accusations of lying about their consent or ability to give it. That's actually why most places have the laws set up to punish those that take advantage of people who are intoxicated or mentally handicapped. Emotional turmoil is something much harder to gauge and write laws around though.
More on topic. Heavily subscribing to a faith-based rather than acts-based religion makes it hard for me to become involved with someone either as a friend or romantically. Religion is cool and hey I'm religious, but when your arbitrator of "good person" comes down to saying some magic words instead of how your actions affect other people then your religion sucks.
when your arbitrator of "good person" comes down to saying some magic words instead of how your actions affect other people then your religion sucks.
Amen to that -- assuming the action affect others in a good way: stoning adulterers is very action-based and defintely affects others, but I'm very much against it.
Amen to that -- assuming the action affect others in a good way: stoning adulterers is very action-based and defintely affects others, but I'm very much against it.
Oh of course, but that takes a bit longer than instant to figure out.
Oh of course, but that takes a bit longer than instant to figure out.
And an amazingly large number of people would say "of course" we should be assassinated for saying that stoning is wrong. It's an amazing world we live in -- not always in a good way.
Due to the consequences of assumed ability to consent I'm more in favor of laws favoring possible victims and protecting them from accusations of lying about their consent or ability to give it. That's actually why most places have the laws set up to punish those that take advantage of people who are intoxicated or mentally handicapped. Emotional turmoil is something much harder to gauge and write laws around though.
Most interestingly, many adults are never capable of giving consent, at least not if consent has anything to do with mental faculties. How do we deal with that as a society? Tell them that if your IQ is below X, you're not allowed to have sex? It's... a problem.
Most interestingly, many adults are never capable of giving consent, at least not if consent has anything to do with mental faculties. How do we deal with that as a society? Tell them that if your IQ is below X, you're not allowed to have sex? It's... a problem.
It is problematic. I'd probably start by trying to remove as much societal pressure to have sex as possible. We can't really have a perfect world, but moving as close as possible to one is the goal. Child abuse is much easier to fix and shouldn't be stalled because there is a much harder problem to solve in the same line of problems.
Most interestingly, many adults are never capable of giving consent, at least not if consent has anything to do with mental faculties. How do we deal with that as a society? Tell them that if your IQ is below X, you're not allowed to have sex? It's... a problem.It is problematic. I'd probably start by trying to remove as much societal pressure to have sex as possible. We can't really have a perfect world, but moving as close as possible to one is the goal. Child abuse is much easier to fix and shouldn't be stalled because there is a much harder problem to solve in the same line of problems.
The child abuse issue is also complicated; there have been cases of people exonerated because they honestly did not know the age of their partner. However, to fix that, we have to turn around and fix the societal pressure to have sex.
As for fixing the societal pressure to have sex: Good luck. You'll regret trying it.
The issue of the rest of the child abuse should be easy to fix, as you said.
It's easy to define and write laws against, but that's nothing like the same as fixing it.
I meant easier in the context of it being easier than writing laws regarding how intelligent someone has to be as an adult to give consent without it just straight up being eugenics. It's still hard and needs a huge amount of effort devoted.
Intelligence is a prerequisite.
Due to the consequences of assumed ability to consent I'm more in favor of laws favoring possible victims and protecting them from accusations of lying about their consent or ability to give it. That's actually why most places have the laws set up to punish those that take advantage of people who are intoxicated or mentally handicapped. Emotional turmoil is something much harder to gauge and write laws around though.Most interestingly, many adults are never capable of giving consent, at least not if consent has anything to do with mental faculties. How do we deal with that as a society? Tell them that if your IQ is below X, you're not allowed to have sex? It's... a problem.
I run into this on rare occasion at the day job. it is indeed a very, very complicated issue and a serious problem. I've had people on both sides of that issue, and it's hard either way. I don't even want to get into the headache that individual states laws cause.
Indeed. Sum total, it's not a simple thing to determine WHO can give consent and who can not. Across the world, age of sexual majority varies by a few years (and that's not including places like Yemen with 8-9) from around 13-18. When the laws regarding this were set up, I seem to recall it was based roughly on average menarche, which was a few years later than now (10-13 or today, 13-15 in the past). In the old nordic cultures, marriage wasn't the big issue, it was engagement, which you were free to do when you turned 14 (confirmation), which meant you were an adult in the eyes of the village, and couples lived together from that point.
Youths today mature earlier than they did in the past. Some of it is hormonal spills from food and whatnot, other parts of it is more available information and more options. And yet, they are allowed precious little influence. There are many who would give voting rights for 16-year-olds. Children at the age of 10 or so are allowed to decide which parent they will live with after a divorce and are seen as competent to do this.
Again: Consent is NOT a simple issue. But demonizing anyone comes with a heavy cost.
Terquem: Sorry... =(
A big turn off for me is not reciprocating physical contact. I've been described as a teddy bear, and when someone is aloof, distant, or pissed with things like hugs or massages its disappointing.
I've learned over the years that, really, with physical contact of any sort, it's best to assume "no" unless there's an explicit "yes" given. This complicates relationships, since those tend to work in implicit...
A big turn off for me is not reciprocating physical contact. I've been described as a teddy bear, and when someone is aloof, distant, or pissed with things like hugs or massages its disappointing.
For some people, growing up, getting grabbed didn't mean they were going to be hugged and cuddled -- it meant they were going to be hurt. In those cases, one can sort of understand why they'd be reluctant as adults. It's not necessarily personal against you.
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A big turn off for me is not reciprocating physical contact. I've been described as a teddy bear, and when someone is aloof, distant, or pissed with things like hugs or massages its disappointing.For some people, growing up, getting grabbed didn't mean they were going to be hugged and cuddled -- it meant they were going to be hurt. In those cases, one can sort of understand why they'd be reluctant as adults. It's not necessarily personal against you.
Yeah, but it doesn't mean I want to date those people. If they can't be comfortable with my personality, it wont work out anyway. I also wont push anyone. If they don't want it, that is up to them entirely. But I will be less attracted to them for it.
I don't assume anything. I ask.
Same here. I often get told I'm odd or strange, and then things go downhill from there.
I don't assume anything. I ask.Same here. I often get told I'm odd or strange, and then things go downhill from there.
That's kinda sad man. But your actions are proper.
But I can understand the attitude of fearing contact. My own issues are very much emotional/mental, so I have an... equivalent reaction with my genuine emotions. When certain actions have hurt you before, you do your damnedest to avoid them another time.
Still, in any case it takes time & trust. And, well, if you arent willing to give your partner the time to learn to trust you... well it aint going to work out anyway.
So another turnoff: people who cant respect boundaries.
Not everyone will fit together. That is sort of the whole premise for this thread.
This thread has made me glad I decided to "get out of the game". At 50, the whole business of dating and such is just too much trouble.
Darn it, when I struk out with Sissyl, I was just about to ask DungeonmasterCal to the prom, man, what are the odds.
Proms are a conspiracy anyway, man! Let's all just stay home and play pathfinder instead!
But yeah, we all have our issues. Suffice it to say, we are all looking for someone who will stand ours and who'se issues we can tolerate. As long as we are honest with ourselves, we can all get what we want/need.
I was just thinking of something an old prof I had told me. "Women marry men with the hope they will change, while men marry women they hope will never change." I am still very much in the game but getting worried I'll never find the one.
I work under the premise "Everyone (including myself) is delusional(in some way or another) and prone to misinterpretation, so be as explicit as possible". (by me)
Yay for quotes!
I'm realising my turnoffs are pretty generic stuff that could apply to almost any kind of relationship. Never had a romantic one, but I'm young so I aint stressing out too much. Working on self-improvement and such. Gonna be a long journey, but hey, self-improvement benefits me first and foremost, so no time wasted at least eh? And if I end up never having a relationship... well, it happens. "Better to have loved & lost than never loved at all" they like to say, but frankly, someone who's never has the fortune to love cant really tell the difference.
I am getting shockingly depressing. Hm...
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So glad I met my wife before internet dating became the norm. My sympathy goes out to anyone having to use those sites.
Before internet dating we used liquid courage.
A few general turn offs are:
- Political/religious people on either side who are unable to converse without arguing.
- People who smack/lick their fingers when eating. Ugh, I know it's petty but it just just grosses me out.
- People who are overly into kids stuff like My Little Pony, Pokémon. It's just creepy.
- People who prefer squares over hexes. :P
-MD
- People who are overly into kids stuff like My Little Pony, Pokémon. It's just creepy.
- People who prefer squares over hexes. :P
-MD
I see we can never be, Muad'Dib....
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I was just thinking of something an old prof I had told me. "Women marry men with the hope they will change, while men marry women they hope will never change." I am still very much in the game but getting worried I'll never find the one.
You forgot the final part of that saying. Men never change, and women do.
-MD
what?
The thing is... regardless of your sex, finding someone is more like an ad campaign than a chase. Among the most attractive things about someone is that they are happy and that they like you. To get someone's interest, you need to live a life they want to be a part of. What you look like and what money you make is a far less important issue. Live as well as you can, making sure you actually meet people you might be attracted to, and you'll find someone. Most people do, you know?
Some of us do not, but eh. That's part of life. I admit I have, at least in part, made my bed on this one.
Well, I've certainly identified one thing which seems to be an instant turn-off with a lot of women after the first date...
Me.
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The light switch...
Unless its a dimmer switch.
Yeah that is one of my biggest turn offs.
