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I, Carla the Profane, have some time spare in between missions and decided to keep a journal on all the insults thrown at me. I do this to make a little cash on the side. And perhaps fame. And perhaps a chance to bed with that glorious tankard-mug of a Guaril. In time, I will write a book on this subject. And no, I am not in love with him. No, really. Seriously.
Being a half-orc woman and a bard at that, I casually hear the most intruiging and half-witted swearwords known to man. Now that I have recently lost my job as a mercenary in the town of Riddleport I'm getting sick of borderline stupid Varisian vocabular as it only encompasses all that is dirty or unworthy of sea-travel, and I believe there are many, many more verbal incentives to trod on the honor of your beloved enemies.
Therefore I want to call upon my Sczarni brethren to share whatever profanity they have heard over their years of adventuring, in order to bolster my comedy performance, have some nice words ready whenever some loser Silver Crusade smug rears his head and give this poor, poor woman a chance at glory and fame!
The book so far has advanced quite nicely:
Exalted Profanity: Verbal Abuse for Every Occasion
-By Carla the Profane
- Chapter 1: Common insults (Ment for commoners, thugs, dwarves and general lowlife)
- Chapter 2: Special insults (For gnomes, intelligent lowlife and goblins)
- Chapter 3: Common insults for special people (For slightly important people, simpletons and orcs)
- Chapter 4: Special insults for special people (on important people and other arrogant genitals)
- Chapter 5: Insults for somewhat sentient beings (on nobility and other mammals)
- Chapter 6: Undefinenable curses (on truly important members of society and rovarug worshippers)
- Chapter 7: Plain yet effective rudeness (or: elves and other treehuggers)
- Chapter 8: Common battle stupidity (my party and other lackeys of obsolete causes)
- Chapter 9: Sexual harassment (anything, really)
- Chapter 10: Interpreting uglyness (abberations, demons, undead and probably you)
- Chapter 11: Racial flavouring (And why you are superior to basically anyone)
Afterword: Progressive idiocy in faction fanaticism (For anyone who disapproves of your faction choice, the all-seeing Sczarni Eye)
Appendix: List of vague obscenities (For anything that does not understand the meaning of words; main reference for improving party morale)
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Ohh ohh ohh this has Ponitificor written all over it!
I call those worthless long leggers talls! Stupid talls.
Some of my favorite insults. Well I do not like shiela fatty fat needs to march it off! She would not share her chocolate biscuit with me!
Then there Vasline Armbrush.
I like Uncle Gorilla, he gets me things cause I am a good pathsearcher.
Especially chapter 11. We all known deep down us gnomes are the besterest!
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Long Leggers... Talls... Shee-la fatty fat...
...Noted! Thanks for the input, Pontificor. Might you come across some new ones you know where to leave them!
On a sidenote: Chapter 2 seems to be written especially for a mighty goblin like yourself. I'll add a special column on 'speech impairment and how to make use of it', purely for professional goals of course.
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While escorting some goblin scum out of Irrisen yesterday I noted down some of their more... alluring words:
"Your mother must've been the human!"- Directed at my orc heritage
"Longshanks Lady" - I kind of like this one
"Your mother is a demon" - rather boring, but occasionally effective
"Worm" - A friendly ice troll by the name of Rhimetusk provided this one after much thought
"You're a disgrace to goblin society!" - helpful vs. gnomes
"You're a good lad" - I was particularly insulted by this one
"Dwarven lockpick" - Our dwarven barbarian just ran through a door