paizo.com Recent Posts in Knight's Gambitpaizo.com Recent Posts in Knight's Gambit2014-02-28T07:08:01Z2014-02-28T07:08:01ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitMikko Kalliohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#282014-03-10T22:22:37Z2014-03-10T22:22:37Z<p>A big "thank you" to everyone who have voted for me, offered useful critique or otherwise supported me. :)</p>
<p>I'll try to answer individual questions a little later.</p>
<p>I hope to see you all again in next year's RPGSS, and I'll probably be seeing some of you much sooner!</p>A big "thank you" to everyone who have voted for me, offered useful critique or otherwise supported me. :)
I'll try to answer individual questions a little later.
I hope to see you all again in next year's RPGSS, and I'll probably be seeing some of you much sooner!Mikko Kallio2014-03-10T22:22:37ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitCuraighhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#272014-03-10T07:36:16Z2014-03-10T07:36:16Z<p>Congratulations Mikko,</p>
<p>I think you have definitely nailed Vigil for the seed of your adventure. I think it also allows for low level PCs a chance to work in this powerful city. There may be too many things going on here: chase scenes, secret tunnels, orc invasion, and Gilder to frame for it. But you have given the developers enough choices they can help you decide which to keep and which to drop. The presentation also shows a level of detail I've come to expect and should also make it easy for a developer to help you along. The downside is if the PCs don't use these elements it has wasted words. I dinnae think this is the case though. Any of these not germane to this adventure could be something to explore or sidetrack after the PCs have finished and waiting for the next one to start. </p>
<p>The title is weak (especially with the quip in the coins), reference gives the plot away once the PCs meet Lady Sirana (though 'Sir Erram' might be a red herring for the chess savvy). </p>
<p>Overall I found reading this proposal the easiest and the most complete/developed of the four. Well done! </p>
<p>Keep.</p>Congratulations Mikko,
I think you have definitely nailed Vigil for the seed of your adventure. I think it also allows for low level PCs a chance to work in this powerful city. There may be too many things going on here: chase scenes, secret tunnels, orc invasion, and Gilder to frame for it. But you have given the developers enough choices they can help you decide which to keep and which to drop. The presentation also shows a level of detail I've come to expect and should also make it easy...Curaigh2014-03-10T07:36:16ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's Gambitfrank gorihttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#262014-03-09T03:01:17Z2014-03-09T03:01:17Z<p><b>Knight's Gambit</b>
<br />
<b>The Good:</b> We get a little intrigue, a cool as heck monster, and some excellent prior round tie ins.
<br />
<b>The Bad:</b> I'm not buying the betrayal... maybe if it was an infiltrator from Chellax or there was a possession of some kind?
<br />
<b>The Ugly:</b> Unfortunately the core of your idea invites direct comparison to Victoria's and her names and some of her concepts have a little more appeal.
<br />
<b>Overall:</b> You got outshone a little this round,plain and simple. That said this is a fairly good effort and your round 2 and 3 performances might be enough to win.</p>Knight's Gambit
The Good: We get a little intrigue, a cool as heck monster, and some excellent prior round tie ins.
The Bad: I'm not buying the betrayal... maybe if it was an infiltrator from Chellax or there was a possession of some kind?
The Ugly: Unfortunately the core of your idea invites direct comparison to Victoria's and her names and some of her concepts have a little more appeal.
Overall: You got outshone a little this round,plain and simple. That said this is a fairly good effort...frank gori2014-03-09T03:01:17ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitSteven Helthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#252014-03-08T06:49:34Z2014-03-08T06:49:34Z<p>Congratulations, Mikko! Based on your other rounds, I have high expectations for this entry. You're in the Final Round of RPG Superstar!</p>
<p>I think your plot has some very clever elements, and your new monster is very creepy-cool. I dig creepy-cool. The adventure has some moving parts that ultimately seem to work against it, transitioning the story and making it anticlimactic. However, working through that problem might yield a more organic transition and that would make this one of the better adventure plots I've read in a while.</p>
<p>Name is cliche. You can do better!</p>
<p>Having said that, I have never really bought the "fund raiser" trope, where the vigilant loyalist gains money and recruits to his cause because he stages enemy activity, essentially betraying his duty in a misguided effort to execute his duty. Secondly, you base the adventure on another assumption I don't easily buy: that the who's-who of Lastwall have grown complacent in their duties. Are they not described as "never forget" paladin-types?</p>
<p>Trying to combine the orcs of Beltzen with the spooky forces of the Whispering Tyrant is also a little too LotR for me. You have many great ideas, and I think you have bright future ahead of you. But I also think you have tied your adventure too closely to themes that are either derivative, or readers just won't fully buy into. With that in mind, I am unlikely to vote for your entry over the others, but I'll keep looking things over and let you know! </p>
<p>Good luck, my friend!</p>Congratulations, Mikko! Based on your other rounds, I have high expectations for this entry. You're in the Final Round of RPG Superstar!
I think your plot has some very clever elements, and your new monster is very creepy-cool. I dig creepy-cool. The adventure has some moving parts that ultimately seem to work against it, transitioning the story and making it anticlimactic. However, working through that problem might yield a more organic transition and that would make this one of the better...Steven Helt2014-03-08T06:49:34ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitAsgetrionhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#242014-03-08T00:12:57Z2014-03-08T00:12:57Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">James Jacobs wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Asgetrion wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Jacob W. Michaels wrote:</div><blockquote><p> As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.</p>
<p>Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously not a problem as he recommended that module too) so that could probably be done here as well if it's deemed necessary (though again, I don't think it is). </blockquote>Very good points, Jacob. I was kind of thinking the same when I read James' comments... why couldn't Mikko do the same with his proposal? </blockquote>He absolutely could... but the nature of this proposal seems to me to be really much more appropriate for Vigil than the other location. AKA: There'd have to be more adjustments to this adventure's plot if it was shifted away from Vigil than there would be for the other. </blockquote><p>And what if it was designed for higher levels, e.g. 7-9? Wouldn't that work better, especially if Mikko adjusted the villain's motive/demeanor and rewrote the necromantic lab part? And IMO the lab isn't out of place in Vigil, but then again I try to steer away from "there can't be any evil NPCs or thieves' guilds or secret shrines in this LG city" type of boring cliches (as seen in certain areas in FR). I know Vigil is special, but still I think it's kind of hard to swallow that there would be no evil cabals/cults or spies in the city...James Jacobs wrote:Asgetrion wrote: Jacob W. Michaels wrote:As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.
Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving...Asgetrion2014-03-08T00:12:57ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitRich Malenahttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#232014-03-07T18:30:03Z2014-03-07T18:30:03Z<p>Mikko! This is an excellent idea for a proposal! Mysteries work very well at these levels, and everyone wants to save the city. I like the misdirect here of showing a powerful NPC before we know she's the villain, and I really like her admittedly complex relationship with the faith of Iomedae. A power-grab in Vigil needs to feel significantly different than a power-grab in Corentyn, and I think you've done a good job here of working within believable motivations. She does feel more LN than LE to me, but I like this NPC!</p>
<p>That being said, I think that a threat to Vigil must involve the military, but adding an army and the government sidelines the PCs a little too much, especially at these levels. What I really want to do here is Investigate the Rook at level three, gaining some leads but never solving the mystery, and then eventually Ruin the Rook's Endgame around level seven. The storyline is excellent, but I think a module is too short in the life of a PC for the plot arc. I want this to be a trio of PFS scenarios at different tiers, or at least part of a Vigil AP in books 1 and 3. </p>
<p>You've got great characters, a fun setting, a crazy scary monster, but I think the overall scope of your plot is a little too much for a single story. Which means that I'm in the position of likely not voting for your submission while REALLY wanting to play through this story. I'm definitely going to have to think about this one! Great work, Mikko!</p>Mikko! This is an excellent idea for a proposal! Mysteries work very well at these levels, and everyone wants to save the city. I like the misdirect here of showing a powerful NPC before we know she's the villain, and I really like her admittedly complex relationship with the faith of Iomedae. A power-grab in Vigil needs to feel significantly different than a power-grab in Corentyn, and I think you've done a good job here of working within believable motivations. She does feel more LN than LE...Rich Malena2014-03-07T18:30:03ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJacob W. Michaelshttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#222014-03-07T14:51:23Z2014-03-07T14:51:23Z<p>But again, as with another of the modules, the level could simply be bumped up, which would help solve part of that problem.</p>
<p>And I think if some of the development ideas get taken into consideration — i.e. have the climax come DURING/AS PART OF the orc attack — the PCs can be at the center of the action. They'd have some encounters with the orcs themselves, but they'd have to go stop the next facet of Sirana's plan while the rest of the city is dealing with the orcs (there'd need to be some tweaking involved — either with exactly how far Sirana was willing to go or her control over the orcs — but I think both of those could work).</p>
<p>Honestly, I thought the NPCs in this story were a bit less of a consideration than their role in Victoria's.</p>But again, as with another of the modules, the level could simply be bumped up, which would help solve part of that problem.
And I think if some of the development ideas get taken into consideration -- i.e. have the climax come DURING/AS PART OF the orc attack -- the PCs can be at the center of the action. They'd have some encounters with the orcs themselves, but they'd have to go stop the next facet of Sirana's plan while the rest of the city is dealing with the orcs (there'd need to be...Jacob W. Michaels2014-03-07T14:51:23ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitMicManhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#212014-03-07T09:18:17Z2014-03-07T09:18:17Z<p>I would not say that, it is not the tie in that weakens this proposal, it is the fact that the second part of the adventure is too grand for the group. That there are just too many NPCs around to marginalize anything the PCs could do is just adding injury to insult...</p>
<p>We had a GM once that did this in most of our weekend long sessions. In the end the PCs would be shoved aside to let "the real powers" handle the problem. Powerful angels, archmages and even deus ex machinae were invoked because the final villain/encounter would easily have killed the whole group...</p>
<p>Everyone hated it and we had a long talk after a especially nasty Level 20 adventure.</p>
<p>This adventure reminds me of it and that is simply bad...</p>
<p>However I think it is nevertheless a great success to advance so far as a (presumably) non-nativer speaker. Well done!</p>I would not say that, it is not the tie in that weakens this proposal, it is the fact that the second part of the adventure is too grand for the group. That there are just too many NPCs around to marginalize anything the PCs could do is just adding injury to insult...
We had a GM once that did this in most of our weekend long sessions. In the end the PCs would be shoved aside to let "the real powers" handle the problem. Powerful angels, archmages and even deus ex machinae were invoked...MicMan2014-03-07T09:18:17ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitLars Johanssonhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#202014-03-07T06:41:42Z2014-03-07T06:41:42Z<p>What cruel irony, having stronger tie-in to city than the competitors weakened his position.</p>What cruel irony, having stronger tie-in to city than the competitors weakened his position.Lars Johansson2014-03-07T06:41:42ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJames Jacobs (Creative Director)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#192014-03-07T03:03:25Z2014-03-07T03:03:25Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Asgetrion wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Jacob W. Michaels wrote:</div><blockquote><p> As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.</p>
<p>Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously not a problem as he recommended that module too) so that could probably be done here as well if it's deemed necessary (though again, I don't think it is). </blockquote>Very good points, Jacob. I was kind of thinking the same when I read James' comments... why couldn't Mikko do the same with his proposal? </blockquote><p>He absolutely could... but the nature of this proposal seems to me to be really much more appropriate for Vigil than the other location. AKA: There'd have to be more adjustments to this adventure's plot if it was shifted away from Vigil than there would be for the other.Asgetrion wrote:Jacob W. Michaels wrote:As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.
Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location...James Jacobs (Creative Director)2014-03-07T03:03:25ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitAsgetrionhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#182014-03-06T21:40:51Z2014-03-06T21:40:51Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Jacob W. Michaels wrote:</div><blockquote><p> As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.</p>
<p>Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously not a problem as he recommended that module too) so that could probably be done here as well if it's deemed necessary (though again, I don't think it is). </blockquote><p>Very good points, Jacob. I was kind of thinking the same when I read James' comments... why couldn't Mikko do the same with his proposal?Jacob W. Michaels wrote:As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.
Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously...Asgetrion2014-03-06T21:40:51ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitMark Griffinhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#172014-03-06T15:48:13Z2014-03-06T15:48:13Z<p>Mikko, you were a favorite of mine coming into this round, and it's easy to see why. You are a great designer. While I didn't like your item, you were easily one of the best in the second and third rounds. Your design is also the best in this round, having the most varied combat encounters, far and away the best non combat encounters, and the coolest monster.</p>
<p>Unfortunately there is more to a good module pitch than design. The story didn't grab me at all, and as many people have pointed out this story wouldn't work in this city with 3rd level PCs. I'm sorry to say that I won't be voting for you to be the RPGSuperstar, even though I think your design skills are superstar. Good luck in the contest and in the future.</p>Mikko, you were a favorite of mine coming into this round, and it's easy to see why. You are a great designer. While I didn't like your item, you were easily one of the best in the second and third rounds. Your design is also the best in this round, having the most varied combat encounters, far and away the best non combat encounters, and the coolest monster.
Unfortunately there is more to a good module pitch than design. The story didn't grab me at all, and as many people have pointed out...Mark Griffin2014-03-06T15:48:13ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJacob W. Michaelshttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#162014-03-06T15:24:06Z2014-03-06T15:24:06Z<p>As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.</p>
<p>Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously not a problem as he recommended that module too) so that could probably be done here as well if it's deemed necessary (though again, I don't think it is).</p>As far as level goes, I'm not sure if it's a big deal that this might work better at a higher level. James mentioned in his review of "On Fertile Ground" that he'd have Robert develop it at higher levels, which obviously wasn't a major issue for him, since he still recommended it. I don't see any reason Mikko couldn't do the same if he wins and James wants.
Personally, I think this works in Vigil, but James also suggested moving Victoria's location (again, obviously not a problem as he...Jacob W. Michaels2014-03-06T15:24:06ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitAsgetrionhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#152014-03-06T08:07:51Z2014-03-06T08:07:51Z<p>Alright, this is a tough one to judge; I concur with others that it probably shouldn't be placed in Vigil. Besides, it's a boring place anyway; way too goody-goody for my taste, which is why I'm not fond of certain FR cities, either. </p>
<p>Mikko, your proposal has some really great elements. It features the most exciting combat encounters out of all the four entries, and I just love the centianima! </p>
<p>The background would be more believable if Sirana was insane, or had some other motivation for her actions. But I love well-written mystery investigations, and this is one, so I think I could make it work for my players. </p>
<p>My biggest problem is the scope of these events, namely Knights of Ozem and all the other good-aligned NPCs. As James said, the PCs would be irrelevant to the defense of this city, and I fear at least my (veteran) players would also take the hint and pass the ball to the "big guns", so to speak. It would be a different matter if this was a high-level adventure, but low-level PCs are not supposed to tackle armies, and I think at least experienced players would see it that way and back down.</p>
<p>Having said all that, I think this is my favorite proposal, and I'll definitely vote for you! </p>
<p>Pidetään peukkuja ja toivotaan että voitat, kaima! Kunhan vain eivät kaikki tuolla rapakon toisella puolella vetäisi hommaa kotiinpäin... ;)</p>Alright, this is a tough one to judge; I concur with others that it probably shouldn't be placed in Vigil. Besides, it's a boring place anyway; way too goody-goody for my taste, which is why I'm not fond of certain FR cities, either.
Mikko, your proposal has some really great elements. It features the most exciting combat encounters out of all the four entries, and I just love the centianima!
The background would be more believable if Sirana was insane, or had some other motivation for her...Asgetrion2014-03-06T08:07:51ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitLars Johanssonhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#142014-03-06T07:11:30Z2014-03-06T07:11:30Z<p>I heard about RPG superstar from a colleague a little while ago and wanted have a look. Since only four are left, I try to comment each. I'm not a designer and so commenting just from player's perspective. I'll focus on three things: fun (memorable combat and so on), variety (use of different monsters, places and so on) and villain(s).</p>
<p>Ok, so the action start with rival gang then halflings themselves. Description gives a nice idea about the combat, probably most detailed and interesting combat terrain so far compared to the first two proposals I read. Why the key? Then some investigation. Quite many skill checks and different skills, something for everyone not just skill monkey. Very CSI. Then combat, and to next place. Dead critters and (probably) interesting terrain. Weird monster but ok now we know what halflings were going to do with the key.</p>
<p>Second part. Second mission isn't exciting sounding but the orc tower and bar brawl, dwarf karaoke(?) and chase (also in reverse) sound really really fun and varied. ORcs attack is big, you went through loopholes to make it work, but have to admit it sounds epic that swarm of orcs spreads into city then are easily killed by forces of good but not before PCs swoop in to kill steal the boss.</p>
<p>War meeting is a nice recap, again different skills can be used. Rescuing an orc from paladins? Huh how many times do you get to do that? Fun idea. But good players will have trouble fighting paladins, expect a more difficult combat because they have to use non-lethal force and free actions to apologize, lol. Then facing villain; checkerboard floor sounds fitting for intelligent "chessmaster" villain.</p>
<p>In short, you used loopholes to make this fit in Vigil, but the action is hands down absolutely the best, most FUN, most imaginative of these three proposals I read so far. An non-combat encounter aren't just "listen to this dialog" or "make one skill check" like the other two proposals I read.</p>
<p>As a player, fun is what I want. Good luck in voting!</p>I heard about RPG superstar from a colleague a little while ago and wanted have a look. Since only four are left, I try to comment each. I'm not a designer and so commenting just from player's perspective. I'll focus on three things: fun (memorable combat and so on), variety (use of different monsters, places and so on) and villain(s).
Ok, so the action start with rival gang then halflings themselves. Description gives a nice idea about the combat, probably most detailed and interesting...Lars Johansson2014-03-06T07:11:30ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitChristopher Waskohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#132014-03-05T21:21:14Z2014-03-05T21:21:14Z<p>Congratulations again for making it this far, Mikko! No matter what happens, Paizo will be lucky to have you onboard as a writer!</p>
<p>Looks like my brother hit this one first, just like with Robert's, so I won't repeat anything he said. </p>
<p>VIGIL! My proposal was set in Vigil too! ^_^</p>
<p>Your proposal lacks the narrative of some of the others. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it harder for me to digest. There's something to be said for your short-to-the-point-no-questions-asked-sentence structure, though, I think that's one of the way you're able to pack so much stuff into such a short space. </p>
<p>I lied, I will reiterate something Nick said: Vigil doesn't seem like a good fit for this story arch. There are many many ways the Vigil authorities maintain the Lawful Good social contract within city walls, and many of the developments in this adventure violate either those defense mechanisms or common sense (I didn't really buy the whole "set up a fake attack on the city using two separate evil organizations, one of which is controlled by my half-sibling, all to swoop in and save the day" motivation for your primary villain). This may work in a more morally-ambiguous setting, but from what I understand pretty much everyone in Vigil is on more or less the same page about the crusade. </p>
<p>Really wonderful work this whole season, Mikko. You should be very, very proud of all you've accomplished, and will continue to accomplish after this week. Best of luck!</p>Congratulations again for making it this far, Mikko! No matter what happens, Paizo will be lucky to have you onboard as a writer!
Looks like my brother hit this one first, just like with Robert's, so I won't repeat anything he said.
VIGIL! My proposal was set in Vigil too! ^_^
Your proposal lacks the narrative of some of the others. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it makes it harder for me to digest. There's something to be said for your short-to-the-point-no-questions-asked-sentence...Christopher Wasko2014-03-05T21:21:14ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJoel Flankhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#122014-03-05T20:10:31Z2014-03-05T20:10:31Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Mark D Griffin wrote:</div><blockquote> <div class="messageboard-quotee">Joel Flank wrote:</div><blockquote>Also, Torack's tactics don't work. Throw anything makes you more effective when throwing ranged improvised weapons. A copper piece isn't something that would qualify.</blockquote>I think coins work just fine with Throw Anything. The rules for improvised weapons are pretty vague, and you just need to find a weapon it's similar enough to and use that damage. Sling stones seems similar enough to me. Also the feat is literally called Throw Anything, and since coins fall under the category of "anything" and can easily be thrown, I'd just give it a pass. </blockquote><p>I'm going to respectfully disagree here. An improvised sling stone could work...to replace a sling stone, but that's no longer thrown, it's a projectile weapon. If you threw a sling stone, I know I'd rule it wouldn't do any damage, it's just not an effective thrown weapon, and neither would a coin. But no need to take what's at best a GM call and turn it into a thread de-reailment.Mark D Griffin wrote:Joel Flank wrote:Also, Torack's tactics don't work. Throw anything makes you more effective when throwing ranged improvised weapons. A copper piece isn't something that would qualify.
I think coins work just fine with Throw Anything. The rules for improvised weapons are pretty vague, and you just need to find a weapon it's similar enough to and use that damage. Sling stones seems similar enough to me. Also the feat is literally called Throw Anything, and since coins fall...Joel Flank2014-03-05T20:10:31ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitMark Griffinhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#112014-03-05T16:21:23Z2014-03-05T16:21:23Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Joel Flank wrote:</div><blockquote>Also, Torack's tactics don't work. Throw anything makes you more effective when throwing ranged improvised weapons. A copper piece isn't something that would qualify.</blockquote><p>I think coins work just fine with Throw Anything. The rules for improvised weapons are pretty vague, and you just need to find a weapon it's similar enough to and use that damage. Sling stones seems similar enough to me. Also the feat is literally called Throw Anything, and since coins fall under the category of "anything" and can easily be thrown, I'd just give it a pass.Joel Flank wrote:Also, Torack's tactics don't work. Throw anything makes you more effective when throwing ranged improvised weapons. A copper piece isn't something that would qualify.
I think coins work just fine with Throw Anything. The rules for improvised weapons are pretty vague, and you just need to find a weapon it's similar enough to and use that damage. Sling stones seems similar enough to me. Also the feat is literally called Throw Anything, and since coins fall under the category...Mark Griffin2014-03-05T16:21:23ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJacob W. Michaelshttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#102014-03-05T15:24:02Z2014-03-05T15:24:02Z<p>Oh, I didn't even pick up on that, Isaac. I'm glad he's not Calistrian with a Deck of Hellwasp Stings. :)</p>Oh, I didn't even pick up on that, Isaac. I'm glad he's not Calistrian with a Deck of Hellwasp Stings. :)Jacob W. Michaels2014-03-05T15:24:02ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitPaul Brownhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#92014-03-05T07:16:13Z2014-03-05T07:16:13Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Quote:</div><blockquote>Quirk: Torack uses Throw Anything with Arcane Strike to turn any object into a deadly missile. He prefers copper coins, often quipping “Let's see how much you're worth!” when attacking.</blockquote><p>Knight's <b>Gambit</b>, eh? Ehhh?Quote:Quirk: Torack uses Throw Anything with Arcane Strike to turn any object into a deadly missile. He prefers copper coins, often quipping “Let's see how much you're worth!” when attacking.
Knight's Gambit, eh? Ehhh?Paul Brown2014-03-05T07:16:13ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJacob W. Michaelshttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#82014-03-05T06:55:17Z2014-03-05T06:55:17Z<p>Hey Mikko,</p>
<p>I'm going to go through these doing my best not to read any judges/other voters' comments (though I'll admit I've glanced at a few). My thoughts will pretty much be stream of consciousness.</p>
<p>I like the name, though I think maybe making it •The• Knight's Gambit might be a little stronger. Definitely makes me assume we're going to be in Vigil ... and we are. I like that. I think it immediately summons the feel of Lastwall, which is an area I think is rife for development. As I said to Victoria, it was one of the areas I was most interested in so I'm glad to see you also playing with it.</p>
<p>I love Sirana's setup. Love it! It's a classic ends justify the means scenario, where she's convinced that she's working for the better good of the city, even if her methods could result in some deaths. I think I'd even make her LN, not LE, since she's doing what she's doing for what she sees as the greater good.</p>
<p>Whoops, some awkward phrasing in that prologue. I don't think the house wants to hire the PCs. :)</p>
<p>And then, ouch. The bonus location is the first thing I don't love about this module. That is one dull location. </p>
<p>Act I: Another investigation. Probably not surprising considering we're looking at low-level urban adventures. I like that the smugglers encounter felt independent from the other clues — making it feel more sandboxy — and I wish you had a couple more of these that felt like they stood on their own and could be done in any order, rather than one clue simply leading to the next as happens with Minra leading to the necromancer. Bringing in some R2 monsters is fun, though I think it feels a little odd to use two of them in one encounter. </p>
<p>Speaking of monsters, though, your new monster seems strong to me. I like that flanking works against the PCs in this case.</p>
<p>Act II: The clues seem a bit more independent here, which I like. I'm not thrilled with the chase scene developing, though. We've had enough warning to avoid these types of escapes, since a simply hold person can short circuit the whole scene.</p>
<p>I like the big orc fight at the end of the scene. That feels very appropriate to Vigil, and having them suddenly in the city walls would probably cause some quick chaos. This feels like it could be a real set piece battle to me, and I'd like to see it played up a bit more. Perhaps have the PCs have a few different battles they can be involved in, with the more they do, the more prestige they get (meanwhile, the knights of Vigil of course end up responding as well, so the longer the PCs take, the less prestige they take because the knights are wrapping things up on their own).</p>
<p>Act III: Setting the PCs against paladins could be risky — if a PC's playing a paladin, is that something he's going to do? I think it works for me, but I don't know if it works for a module (if that makes sense). I might change the paladins to cavaliers. That might make for a less dramatic scene, but I think it would probably work for more players.</p>
<p>Wait, and now I'm confused. They sneak into the manor, escape with the orc ... and then have to get back in? And who's the hostage? Is it someone the PCs are going to care about?</p>
<p>I have to admit I'm torn. This one was my favorite leading into Act III and then I think it kind of fell apart a little. I really want to like it as I think Sirana's my favorite bad guy in the four pitches, but I want more emphasis on her idea of the ends justifying the means. I'm not sure the PCs really have reason to hate her by the end of the module. What if instead of just branding Gallowspire's symbols on the undead, she brands it on a handful of people she's killed and then staged to look like some dark ritual. She wasn't expecting them •actually• rise as undead, though. The whole thing then culminates in the orcish sneak attack before the PCs learn she's responsible (and perhaps they break into her manor one time to extract the evidence against her, which is the only way to derail her scheme). (Or perhaps they learn during the sneak attack that Sirana's going after the Watcher Lord/someone else who she feels is hampering her scheme — Erram? — and they have to race to stop her in the midst of the chaos of the orcish attack!)</p>
<p>I'm going to read everyone's comments, but I'm leaning toward voting for this one initially — that said, I'm doing it I think because of the potential I see in it as there's a lot I'd want cleaned up in development.</p>Hey Mikko,
I'm going to go through these doing my best not to read any judges/other voters' comments (though I'll admit I've glanced at a few). My thoughts will pretty much be stream of consciousness.
I like the name, though I think maybe making it *The* Knight's Gambit might be a little stronger. Definitely makes me assume we're going to be in Vigil ... and we are. I like that. I think it immediately summons the feel of Lastwall, which is an area I think is rife for development. As I said...Jacob W. Michaels2014-03-05T06:55:17ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitJoel Flankhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#72014-03-05T05:25:09Z2014-03-05T05:25:09Z<p>Congrats on your final round entry. What's with Lawful leaders deciding to go all Chaotic as the main bad guys? Especially with inquisitors, which after paladins are about as devout towards a deity's ethos as can be. I couldn't buy the set up on this at all unfortunately, especially with the hand waving away of how Sirana still gets her inquisitor powers. I think it could be made to work if in fact she was being manipulated by a real agent of Gallowspire to delude her into thinking this was the best way to go to invigorate Vigil. Also, if she really think's she's acting in the best interest of Vigil and Iomedae, why would she use misdirection to conceal her real alignment, since she would still consider herself to be LG?</p>
<p>I also felt a lot of the investigation portion of the adventure was had to understand the connections to the actual plot. Why would the PCs even investigate missing children when they're on the trail of a traitor, much less why would Sirana try to manipulate an immured? Also, how does she control the miscaster in the first place to do what she wants?</p>
<p>While the presenting of evidence is a cool scene, the description of the game mechanics seems confusing. While there should be multiple ways to use different skills in scenes like this, having a "right" skill for each piece of evidence seems off. If I'm playing a PC skilled at diplomacy, why would I want to try to use perform oratory or manipulate point of law, instead of just using diplomacy, much less why would I think one method was somehow superior to what my character (or the party's overall set of skills for that matter) can do? </p>
<p>Also, Torack's tactics don't work. Throw anything makes you more effective when throwing ranged improvised weapons. A copper piece isn't something that would qualify.</p>
<p>Finally, for the default assumption that the PCs are mostly good characters, why would the fight paladins? They just finished presenting evidence to the council, shouldn't they be able to tell the Law abiding paladins on guard that they need to escort this prisoner to provide more evidence? If they couldn't, I think many PCs would do everything they could to avoid attacking paladin guards of a LG city.</p>
<p>Kudos on the chase scene, I'm a big fan of these and wish they got used a bit more often in print.</p>Congrats on your final round entry. What's with Lawful leaders deciding to go all Chaotic as the main bad guys? Especially with inquisitors, which after paladins are about as devout towards a deity's ethos as can be. I couldn't buy the set up on this at all unfortunately, especially with the hand waving away of how Sirana still gets her inquisitor powers. I think it could be made to work if in fact she was being manipulated by a real agent of Gallowspire to delude her into thinking this was...Joel Flank2014-03-05T05:25:09ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitNick Waskohttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#62014-03-05T01:50:39Z2014-03-05T01:50:39Z<p>Congratulations on making it this far, Mikko! I've been a bit of a lurker throughout this contest since I didn't want my comments to come across as propaganda on my brother's behalf, so this is the first round where I feel I can contribute my opinions while voting is open. I've been really impressed by your work thus far, and I'm hoping my advice can help you in your future writing.</p>
<p><b>Things That Got Me Excited:</b>
<br />
You, sir, possess a real gift for cramming a lot of awesome stuff into a small space. My favorite part of Paizo's modules and APs is the wide variety of unique encounters offered in each installment, and with a well-constructed investigation, a chase scene, an invasion, a war council, and a final confrontation with the Big Bad, boy does this deliver. You have a knack for creating expansive plots without getting too big for your britches, and that is a valuable talent. Furthermore, Sir Erram's speech, the sample chase cards, the character bios, and other details show me that you see not just the forest but the trees as well. You have demonstrated these qualities in every round of this competition, and for that alone I must say I am a huge fan and I am already looking forward to playing everything you publish in the future.</p>
<p>I completely agree with Amber - the centianima is a stroke of genius. I really sends shivers down my spine (creepy shivers as well as "I have a great idea of how to use this monster" shivers).</p>
<p>Steven Helt got a lot of praise last year for using a stronghold as his big reward, and I think you used the same concept effectively with The Hideout. I especially like that you provided the hideout at the <i>beginning</i> of the adventure, which makes it more involved in the story at hand. I would have liked to see you flesh this out more, but I guess you only have so many words with which to describe an empty warehouse.</p>
<p>I love how you incorporate so many earlier RPGSS entries. Not only do I think it's cool writing, but it shows me you are thinking on your feet; you didn't have this pre-written for years so you could tweak it for the contest.</p>
<p><b>Things That Got Me Worried:</b>
<br />
Pretty much all of my concerns can be summed up with one statement: you took a huge gamble setting this in Vigil. As James Jacobs already said, this makes encounters like the "Necromantic Lab" very difficult to swallow, and it makes it impossible to cast the PCs as the heroes who fended off an orc horde (if the invasion was anything to write home about, then a 3rd level party would have been creamed). You may have gotten more traction if the PCs weren't actually at the invasion, but their actions directly impacted the outcome (death toll, citizen's fear, etc). That makes more sense to me because a few low-level scoundrels can make a big impact on a surprise attack without actually being on the front lines. Furthermore, the impact of the PCs' actions could subsequently affect the difficulty of the War Council and attempted execution encounters (which I, for one, would LOVE to roleplay out).</p>
<p>Another point that wasn't mentioned was that if Sirana is a major player in Vigil, odds are her actions throughout this adventure would have triggered her Shield-Mark/Sword-Mark/both. Especially towards the end, a lot of her actions seem worthy of activating a <i>mark of justice</i>, and someone in her position without the Marks would be very suspicious indeed.</p>
<p>I am ambivalent about Sirana as a character. One one hand, I love the setup of a "lawful good" vigilante (pun intended) serving as the villain, since the point she is trying to make is a valid one and it casts her in an intriguing shade of gray (my favorite type of character). That being said, Vigil does not seem like the place where a shade of gray is appropriate. The whole city is more or less on the same page ideologically, and it literally stands as a beacon of light against an all-consuming darkness.</p>
<p>I sympathize with the struggles you faced using this city; my brother's proposal would have also used Vigil, and getting around its whitewashed purity was a huge pain in the neck.</p>
<p><b>Overall:</b>
<br />
I really like this pitch. The story is captivating, and there is no shortage of awesome things to do. There are certainly flaws, but your attention to detail and your track record thus far have me convinced that you can fix them if given the opportunity. I still need to read the rest of the submissions, but you are quite likely to get my vote.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>Congratulations on making it this far, Mikko! I've been a bit of a lurker throughout this contest since I didn't want my comments to come across as propaganda on my brother's behalf, so this is the first round where I feel I can contribute my opinions while voting is open. I've been really impressed by your work thus far, and I'm hoping my advice can help you in your future writing.
Things That Got Me Excited:
You, sir, possess a real gift for cramming a lot of awesome stuff into a small...Nick Wasko2014-03-05T01:50:39ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitPaul Brownhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#52014-03-05T01:20:11Z2014-03-05T01:20:11Z<p>I really, really enjoy this one. For me, it is in the Top Two with Robert's entry. I like the villain and her motivations. I can see how a fake attack might be a loophole of how to have an adventure in Vigil without being overshadowed by the native defenses.</p>I really, really enjoy this one. For me, it is in the Top Two with Robert's entry. I like the villain and her motivations. I can see how a fake attack might be a loophole of how to have an adventure in Vigil without being overshadowed by the native defenses.Paul Brown2014-03-05T01:20:11ZRe: Forums: Round 4: Submit an adventure proposal: Knight's GambitAmber Scotthttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qqqr?Knights-Gambit#42014-03-04T04:53:24Z2014-03-04T04:53:24Z<p>Hi Mikko! First off let me say I <i>love</i> the centianima. Great name, great concept. If I was giving out an award for Best Bonus Monster in an Adventure Proposal, you would get it. That aside, I have a few comments for you to consider, both for this proposal and for future writing. I’m approaching my judging from the perspective of a freelancer who’s had to learn some hard lessons over the years. I hope my comments encourage you and help improve your writing as you continue in the RPG industry. </p>
<p>The idea that the people (or a person) in charge create a fake emergency to solidify trust or power is not an original one, but that’s not necessarily a problem. Few plots are wholly original. That said, familiar plots need some sort of twist or unusual angle to keep them feeling fresh, and I didn’t feel “Knight’s Gambit” had that freshness. Deeper motivation on Sirana’s part beyond “proving the orcs are dangerous” (and later “looking like a hero”) could have helped the adventure. The fact that she has a half-orc brother would have been a great way to add that depth—if Sirana was afraid her brother was exploring his orc heritage and somehow got the idea that orcs were misunderstood but noble warriors, she might try to stage the attack for his sake more than the city’s. That’s a pretty thin example but you see what I'm getting at.</p>
<p>The encounters within the adventure are interesting and varied, and you use environmental details (such as the halfling warehouse) to help keep combats energizing. I found Act I poorly organized, though, and had difficulty following some of the encounters. “Missing Daughter” for example left me confused as to how Sirana found out about Minra and why she cared enough to lock her up and then let her free during the orc attack. In “Necromantic Lab,” I wondered why Sirana left the halflings a key to the pet shop’s basement. Did she expect them to use it as a bolthole or something? Maybe she thought the halflings could use a little pet zombie bunny to love (“the hopping dead"!). You don’t have to explain <i>every</i> little detail or proposed outcome in an adventure, otherwise it starts looking more like a project plan than an exciting story. However you should make sure there are logical links between one scene and another, or between a standalone scene and the main plot.</p>
<p>Once again: the centianima is <i>awesome!</i> Even its short description lacks clarity, though. This line:</p>
<div class="messageboard-quotee">Quote:</div><blockquote>This centipede assembled from the bones of numerous animals skitters forth sideways…</blockquote><p>left me wondering how an animal can skitter forward and sideways at the same time. Watch out too for instances of “varied” or “numerous” or related words. You can almost always add punch and interest by using proper nouns instead. Consider the difference between “assembled from the bones of numerous animals” and “assembled from yellowed rats’ skulls, snakes’ vertebrae, gnawed ribcages of pigeons, and other small bones.”
<p>You do a great job of making the adventure open and sandbox-y, with lots of encounters the PCs can pick and choose between (though the Act I encounters lead pretty directly from one to the other). I would have liked to see a narrower focus in Act III. As near I can tell, the PCs enter Act III with no real idea of who the Rook could be. They should have at least a suspicion, I think, or an indication that the Rook is a high-ranking official. As it stands, they’d have no idea Sirana was behind everything if they failed to interrogate the orc prisoner in “Saving the Enemy.” I can just imagine a poor GM tearing his hair out as the players say, “What can one orc prisoner tell us, really? I want to go search for the Traitor’s Gate again.”</p>
<p>Your title is okay, though familiar. The phrase "queen's gambit" is used so often that changing queen to knight isn't all that exciting. I'm not the most awesome title-generator (just ask my editors) but off the top of my head I think "Knight to Rook" would be just as appropriate and more engaging.</p>
<p>Congratulations on your excellent entry! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and I see why you made it to round 4. Your submission didn’t quite reach the top of my list, though, and so I do not recommend “Knight’s Gambit” to be the winner of the 2014 RPG Superstar competition.</p>Hi Mikko! First off let me say I love the centianima. Great name, great concept. If I was giving out an award for Best Bonus Monster in an Adventure Proposal, you would get it. That aside, I have a few comments for you to consider, both for this proposal and for future writing. I’m approaching my judging from the perspective of a freelancer who’s had to learn some hard lessons over the years. I hope my comments encourage you and help improve your writing as you continue in the RPG industry.
...Amber Scott2014-03-04T04:53:24Z