paizo.com Recent Posts in Cerulean Pyre Promenadepaizo.com Recent Posts in Cerulean Pyre Promenade2014-02-07T19:44:16Z2014-02-07T19:44:16ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeMark Griffinhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#222014-02-19T18:42:38Z2014-02-19T18:42:38Z<p>I voted for this one as well. I really appreciated the whimsy in the encounter location. You have a good eye for the fantastic.</p>I voted for this one as well. I really appreciated the whimsy in the encounter location. You have a good eye for the fantastic.Mark Griffin2014-02-19T18:42:38ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre Promenadefrank gorihttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#212014-02-19T18:17:46Z2014-02-19T18:17:46Z<p>You had my vote... This was really a cool encounter. PM me if you're interested in exploring some freelance.</p>You had my vote... This was really a cool encounter. PM me if you're interested in exploring some freelance.frank gori2014-02-19T18:17:46ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeTarionsCousin (alias of Todd Worrell 4)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#202014-02-19T03:37:13Z2014-02-19T03:37:13Z<div class="messageboard-quotee">Mark Nordheim wrote:</div><blockquote>I'm feeling good about how well I did in the competition this year. And I've improved every year I entered. So maybe next year will be my year. I'm definitely going to look into some other freelance possibilities as well. </blockquote><p>I picked your entry as one of my top four and am disappointed and surprised that you didn't advance. You obviously took a great deal of time and effort.
<p>I look forward to buying your freelance work.</p>Mark Nordheim wrote:I'm feeling good about how well I did in the competition this year. And I've improved every year I entered. So maybe next year will be my year. I'm definitely going to look into some other freelance possibilities as well.
I picked your entry as one of my top four and am disappointed and surprised that you didn't advance. You obviously took a great deal of time and effort. I look forward to buying your freelance work.TarionsCousin (alias of Todd Worrell 4)2014-02-19T03:37:13ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeMark Nordheimhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#192014-02-19T03:10:13Z2014-02-19T03:10:13Z<p>Thanks Joel. That means a lot to me. I'm excited to see how many people really liked this encounter, even though I didn't advance. I must have been very close — my entry was one of five that had 2+ judges recommending it and the other four all made the top 4.</p>
<p>I'm feeling good about how well I did in the competition this year. And I've improved every year I entered. So maybe next year will be my year. I'm definitely going to look into some other freelance possibilities as well.</p>Thanks Joel. That means a lot to me. I'm excited to see how many people really liked this encounter, even though I didn't advance. I must have been very close -- my entry was one of five that had 2+ judges recommending it and the other four all made the top 4.
I'm feeling good about how well I did in the competition this year. And I've improved every year I entered. So maybe next year will be my year. I'm definitely going to look into some other freelance possibilities as well.Mark Nordheim2014-02-19T03:10:13ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeJoel Flankhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#182014-02-19T01:11:01Z2014-02-19T01:11:01Z<p>Mark, sorry to see you didn't make the top 4. Your entry was my favorite of all of them, and the one I'd want to play the full adventure of the most. House of the Serpent's Hand was probably the most polished entry, and had a wonderful map, but I actually had no problem with your map, and your encounter and implied adventure just screamed fun to me. Looking forward to seeing what else you come up with freelance or in future Superstar years.</p>Mark, sorry to see you didn't make the top 4. Your entry was my favorite of all of them, and the one I'd want to play the full adventure of the most. House of the Serpent's Hand was probably the most polished entry, and had a wonderful map, but I actually had no problem with your map, and your encounter and implied adventure just screamed fun to me. Looking forward to seeing what else you come up with freelance or in future Superstar years.Joel Flank2014-02-19T01:11:01ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre Promenadefrank gorihttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#172014-02-18T15:27:30Z2014-02-18T15:27:30Z<p>I believe your assessment that you are ranked somewhere in the 4-5 range is about right. If maps were not a factor this would be 1 or 2.</p>I believe your assessment that you are ranked somewhere in the 4-5 range is about right. If maps were not a factor this would be 1 or 2.frank gori2014-02-18T15:27:30ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeMark Nordheimhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#162014-02-18T04:13:29Z2014-02-18T04:13:29Z<p>Ok. It turns out some of my obligations for tonight were cancelled. So I'm going to write about my design now.</p>
<p>Based on my reading of the popular encounters in previous years, I decided that I would do best if my location was a complete adventure site that promised many possibilities beyond the single encounter. That said, the encounter also had to stand on its own. The urban requirement was also an important factor — I wanted to make sure the location was undeniably urban (not just some house that could have the same encounters in it if it were set in the countryside) while still meeting the criteria above of being a complete adventure site.</p>
<p>I also wanted to choose a city that had an interesting hook, but wasn't so developed in existing campaign material that it would feel wrong to add something large to it. After reviewing a lot of countries and cities, Nex, and specifically Oenopion, stuck out as meeting those criteria particularly well.</p>
<p>Somehow, the idea of an alchemical marketplace that used to be a fortress and forge, and that still hides secrets, came into my head as a synthesis of all of the above. The rest of the location's history and flavor were developed to flesh out the concept and make it as cool as I could without taking too much word count away from the encounter. I tried to bring out the wonder of Nex as I interpreted it in my description.</p>
<p>I chose the busy shopping area of the Promenade for my encounter because I wanted to emphasize the urban nature of the location. I also wanted to make sure the encounter highlighted the overall theme of the location. The first thing I thought of for this was an alchemical monster escaping and menacing the populace. Once the monsters I had available were revealed, I saw that the emberling fit well. And a lot of the specific details of the encounter were written so that there was a reason for the emberlings to appear in the plaza. It almost felt like the core of the encounter was writing itself after I saw the monster.</p>
<p>At this point I had what amounted to a fight with interesting background. The final details were added to make sure there was something to do beyond just fighting the monsters. I thought about what actual players would do, and how bystanders would react to the situation. This led to the addition of the unruly youths and the ability to take items from the nearby shops. I felt that those additions had made the encounter worthy of submission.</p>
<p>The map was done last, after I was 99% done with the text. And I'm kind of embarrassed about it, given that my day job involves geographic information systems. That said, I'm an applications developer, and have never trained as a cartographer. I'm still not exactly clear about what a good map for this particular encounter would look like. I'm planning to spend some time working on this aspect of design after the contest is over. I learned a lot about other aspects of design from past failures in this contest and expect the same result when it comes to the mapping part.</p>
<p>Now to address some comments from the judges and others:
<br />
<ul><li>The coincidence of monsters popping up at the exact moment when the PCs arrive actually bothers me a lot when its overused. But I thought it worked out alright in the context of this encounter — it allowed me to make the rest of the encounter work how I wanted it.<li>I used the term "unruly youths" as a compromise. I didn't want the people being rescued to be so sympathetic that it felt like a child endangerment story, but they still had to appear to be worth saving.<li>I won't deny that there was some Willy Wonka influence on the description of the apparatus.<li>I felt limited by the rules about modified stat blocks when coming up with stats for the unruly youths. I wanted something with less hp than the pig farmer, but everything I found in that category had something else wrong with it that made it inappropriate without modifications I wasn't sure I could get away with.</ul></p>
<p>I know there are a lot of issues in the comments I haven't gotten to. So if you want to discuss anything else about this, feel free to ask.</p>
<p>Thanks again for the kind words and votes!</p>Ok. It turns out some of my obligations for tonight were cancelled. So I'm going to write about my design now.
Based on my reading of the popular encounters in previous years, I decided that I would do best if my location was a complete adventure site that promised many possibilities beyond the single encounter. That said, the encounter also had to stand on its own. The urban requirement was also an important factor -- I wanted to make sure the location was undeniably urban (not just some...Mark Nordheim2014-02-18T04:13:29ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeMark Nordheimhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#152014-02-18T02:38:39Z2014-02-18T02:38:39Z<p>Hey all. I'm very happy with the response that this encounter received, whether I advance to round 4 or not. And just like last round, I think I'm right on the edge between those advancing and those not. So tomorrow might be an interesting day for me.</p>
<p>I did want to thank everyone who commented and voted. It means a lot to me, and the feedback was very thoughtful. I'm sure my future designs will be stronger for it.</p>
<p>And I'd also like to thank Brian Fruzen for the emberling. I thought up the basic concept for this encounter after Sean posted his preview of the rules, but before the round 2 monsters were revealed. The emberling not only fit the idea I was already working on, but it also improved the encounter with its interesting design.</p>
<p>And on a related note, I'm also very happy that two of the other top 16 decided to use my portrait phantom in their encounters. It was fun to see them placed into real adventuring situations.</p>
<p>I never got to the design notes or response to comments on my round 2 entry because my life is pretty busy right now, but I hope to be able to do it this time. If I make it to round 4, working on my module proposal will have to take priority. But if I don't advance, I'll certainly have a chance to write something more about my encounter within the next week or so.</p>Hey all. I'm very happy with the response that this encounter received, whether I advance to round 4 or not. And just like last round, I think I'm right on the edge between those advancing and those not. So tomorrow might be an interesting day for me.
I did want to thank everyone who commented and voted. It means a lot to me, and the feedback was very thoughtful. I'm sure my future designs will be stronger for it.
And I'd also like to thank Brian Fruzen for the emberling. I thought up the...Mark Nordheim2014-02-18T02:38:39ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeBobsonhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#142014-02-18T01:41:43Z2014-02-18T01:41:43Z<p>I <i>really</i> like this encounter. Unfortunately, I kept it in an open tab, unread, until it was too late to add it to my vote. So my apology for that, and I really hope it makes it to the next round despite that. Good luck!</p>I really like this encounter. Unfortunately, I kept it in an open tab, unread, until it was too late to add it to my vote. So my apology for that, and I really hope it makes it to the next round despite that. Good luck!Bobson2014-02-18T01:41:43ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeSam Harrishttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#132014-02-17T22:51:05Z2014-02-17T22:51:05Z<p>Hi Mark! This is a really evocative place you've created, and I really like that you played up the "urban" nature of the encounter — that is to say, there are people here. I like that it's a rescue, and I think it makes clever use of the R2 monster. The place feels alive and conveys a sense of wonder and danger, even as it's a low-level encounter. Nice work!</p>Hi Mark! This is a really evocative place you've created, and I really like that you played up the "urban" nature of the encounter -- that is to say, there are people here. I like that it's a rescue, and I think it makes clever use of the R2 monster. The place feels alive and conveys a sense of wonder and danger, even as it's a low-level encounter. Nice work!Sam Harris2014-02-17T22:51:05ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeHaladirhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#122014-02-16T17:35:03Z2014-02-16T17:35:03Z<p>After reviewing all of the Round 3 submissions, I have cast one of my votes for Cerulean Pyre Promenade. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>After reviewing all of the Round 3 submissions, I have cast one of my votes for Cerulean Pyre Promenade.
Good luck!Haladir2014-02-16T17:35:03ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeJoel Flankhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#112014-02-15T22:39:25Z2014-02-15T22:39:25Z<p>Great job - this is the first encounter this round I'll be voting for. I really like that you developed a complex encounter with multiple monsters, environmental effects (the steam and the crowd), and the added complexity of trying to save the urchins.</p>
<p>In addition, you've provided a good sketch of a location worth being in a gazetteer of Oenopion, which could be re-used as a good city location for NPC interaction, shopping, or just a bit of cool window dressing. The tie in with a full alchemical dungeon below is also well done.</p>
<p>My only quibble is the stats for the urchins - not sure why you didn't use the beggar commoner 1 stats from the NPC guide, and applied the young template on top of that to truly make them vulnerable mechanically.</p>Great job - this is the first encounter this round I'll be voting for. I really like that you developed a complex encounter with multiple monsters, environmental effects (the steam and the crowd), and the added complexity of trying to save the urchins.
In addition, you've provided a good sketch of a location worth being in a gazetteer of Oenopion, which could be re-used as a good city location for NPC interaction, shopping, or just a bit of cool window dressing. The tie in with a full...Joel Flank2014-02-15T22:39:25ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeHaladirhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#102014-02-15T00:43:14Z2014-02-15T00:43:14Z<p><b>First Impression:</b> From the name, I have no idea what to expect. The map is... weird, and doesn't make a lot of sense on its face. Intro is well-done. And it's in Nex! Okay, I'm intrigued.
<br />
<b>Upon Reflection:</b> The PCs just blunder into trouble, which is kind of cliche, but it works here: they have a reason to be where they are. The visuals are strange and cool: I'm a sucker for old-school weird and wonderful dungeon dressing. (The weird magical machines that serve no apparent purpose made me think of the very early D&D module <i>B1: In Search of the Unknown.</i>) I like the combination of the magical mishap, monster appearance, and impromptu rescue mission. This would be a very fun encounter both to run and to play through. Two nitpicks: First, since it's not from a core source, you'd technically need to provide a full stat block for the ooze swarm. Second, I would have made the unruly youths younger and would have introduced them earlier as older prepubescent kids who are trying to impress each other. Finally, I think you should have called out that the cloud of colored steam had the effect of, say <i>obscuring mist</i>.
<br />
<b>Overall:</b> This is my favorite encounter that I've read so far. I think it has the right balance of wonder, excitement, originality, and fun. The weak point is the map: it's pretty hard to follow and doesn't do the text justice. I'm giving it an A-.</p>First Impression: From the name, I have no idea what to expect. The map is... weird, and doesn't make a lot of sense on its face. Intro is well-done. And it's in Nex! Okay, I'm intrigued.
Upon Reflection: The PCs just blunder into trouble, which is kind of cliche, but it works here: they have a reason to be where they are. The visuals are strange and cool: I'm a sucker for old-school weird and wonderful dungeon dressing. (The weird magical machines that serve no apparent purpose made me think...Haladir2014-02-15T00:43:14ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre Promenadefrank gorihttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#92014-02-14T14:15:39Z2014-02-14T14:15:39Z<p><b>The Good:</b> Interesting location, love the intro.
<br />
<b>The Bad:</b> Challenge is a little low for my tastes.
<br />
<b>The Ugly:</b> That map isn't very good.
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<b>Overall:</b> 8.5/10 the map cost you a 10. I love the design and writing but the map is a 5 the writing a 10. I weigh more heavily on the writing and design but this is on the bubble for my vote. If there were aq top 8 for sure... this is detestably in the 3-5 zone for me.</p>The Good: Interesting location, love the intro.
The Bad: Challenge is a little low for my tastes.
The Ugly: That map isn't very good.
Overall: 8.5/10 the map cost you a 10. I love the design and writing but the map is a 5 the writing a 10. I weigh more heavily on the writing and design but this is on the bubble for my vote. If there were aq top 8 for sure... this is detestably in the 3-5 zone for me.frank gori2014-02-14T14:15:39ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeHordshyrdhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#82014-02-13T20:07:14Z2014-02-13T20:07:14Z<p>I like your addition of the final blurb, it implies that this encounter can be the beginning of a greater adventure, but still allows this to be a simple one off encounter that the PCs can chock up to "just another day in Nex" Or something of the like.</p>I like your addition of the final blurb, it implies that this encounter can be the beginning of a greater adventure, but still allows this to be a simple one off encounter that the PCs can chock up to "just another day in Nex" Or something of the like.Hordshyrd2014-02-13T20:07:14ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeRonarsCorruptionhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#72014-02-13T19:14:37Z2014-02-13T19:14:37Z<p>This feels like the intro to an adventure, which is good, because it says at the end that it is. There's a few weird bits I want to bring up, though.</p>
<p>For instance, this plaza is full of professional alchemists but the way you describe the tubes, apparently nobody has noticed that there's an active alchemical engine just below the plaza? Maybe they assume it's just powering the other things, I guess.</p>
<p>I'd also really like to have just a little more information as to "why now?". You have what and why, but this encounter just starts off as if it were waiting for the PCs. Some explanation of why the emberlings appear now rather than two years before - or from now - would be appreciated.</p>This feels like the intro to an adventure, which is good, because it says at the end that it is. There's a few weird bits I want to bring up, though.
For instance, this plaza is full of professional alchemists but the way you describe the tubes, apparently nobody has noticed that there's an active alchemical engine just below the plaza? Maybe they assume it's just powering the other things, I guess.
I'd also really like to have just a little more information as to "why now?". You have what...RonarsCorruption2014-02-13T19:14:37ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeCuraighhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#62014-02-13T00:32:51Z2014-02-13T00:32:51Z<p>Well done Mark,
<br />
<b>Is the encounter fun?</b> Yes, though the hook is a little happenstance. Protecting the youths, crowds, and steamy cover add a little more than just combat.
<br />
<b>Is the encounter difficult to interpret?</b> Map is quite clear & the critters are given decent timings.
<br />
<b>Does the monster fit?</b> Yeah, I wonder how the smoke and soot of bellowing cloud will mix/interact with steam.
<br />
<b>This way to Dragathoa…</b> (I like to see more than the encounter :) Very much, from the map to the shops and even to the hidden forge. </p>
<p>Good luck!</p>Well done Mark,
Is the encounter fun? Yes, though the hook is a little happenstance. Protecting the youths, crowds, and steamy cover add a little more than just combat.
Is the encounter difficult to interpret? Map is quite clear & the critters are given decent timings.
Does the monster fit? Yeah, I wonder how the smoke and soot of bellowing cloud will mix/interact with steam.
This way to Dragathoa… (I like to see more than the encounter :) Very much, from the map to the shops and even to the...Curaigh2014-02-13T00:32:51ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeKiel Howellhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#52014-02-12T00:33:58Z2014-02-12T00:33:58Z<p>Hmm. Interesting possibilities but let's see what you present.</p>
<p>Cool alchemical wonders you describe.</p>
<p>I like that the PC's aren't necessarily sent there. Could be a bit wishy-washy or hand-wavey but I like that you point out the different methods.</p>
<p>Willy Wonka's lab?</p>
<p>Again with "alchemical war machines"...what kind?</p>
<p>Ok...emberlings!</p>
<p>Hmmm....willful looting. With the owners watching.</p>
<p>Overall, this is...interesting...but it feels undeveloped. There are tons of possibilities to the encounter but it is pretty lackluster in the end. You then end up with the fantastical alchemical constructs and whatnot...which overshadows your actual encounter. I don't think I'll be able to give my vote to this but I won't be sorry to see you progress..</p>Hmm. Interesting possibilities but let's see what you present.
Cool alchemical wonders you describe.
I like that the PC's aren't necessarily sent there. Could be a bit wishy-washy or hand-wavey but I like that you point out the different methods.
Willy Wonka's lab?
Again with "alchemical war machines"...what kind?
Ok...emberlings!
Hmmm....willful looting. With the owners watching.
Overall, this is...interesting...but it feels undeveloped. There are tons of possibilities to the...Kiel Howell2014-02-12T00:33:58ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeJohn Compton (Starfinder Senior Developer)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#42014-02-11T06:28:50Z2014-02-11T06:28:50Z<p>Hey Mark, congratulations on making it to the top 16. </p>
<p>I am the developer of Pathfinder Society Organized Play, which means I see lots of short adventures and self-contained encounters over the course of a year. It’s a developer’s job to read through, revise, and fact-check pretty much everything, so it’s tough to boil down what I’m looking for into a couple of clever headers. Essentially, I’m approaching this round like I would a scenario turnover, which involves marking up a copy of your encounter and providing feedback on what you did and how you might improve—my teaching experience in action.
<br />
[Spoiler omitted]
<br />
[Spoiler omitted]</p>
<p><b>Setting</b>
<br />
A massive alchemical marketplace in Nex has great potential for strange effects, and both your setup and the bells and whistles of the encounter match the flavor nicely. The handful of decorative wonders provides just enough description to engage the players without bogging down the text with needless details. I must say I’m surprised you cited the gout of flame as the namesake of the promenade when the structures are all constructed from blue bricks; perhaps I’m just having some trouble visualizing what this area looks like in profile, as there seem to be shops in most places (as evidenced by the map) and an undefined number of towers rising for various parts of the area.</p>
<p>Does the steam not have any effect? Does it also not obscure vision? If it does, how much does it obscure?</p>
<p>It’s nice to have some notes on how to continue the adventure, but as a stand-alone encounter, I would also appreciate allowing the PCs some more ways to understand why this disaster happened without having to explore an underground complex. You don’t have to reveal all of the background, but some further clues (such as a bystander hypothesizing semi-accurately what might have happened or fragments of the emberlings that the PCs can analyze) would be nice.</p>
<p><b>NPCs and Creatures</b>
<br />
The emberlings fit this location well, and their motivations are true to the creature’s description. Why is it important that the PCs might spot the emberlings before the constructs emerge? Can one side gain a surprise round? How much warning do the PCs get? What are the consequences of success or failure?</p>
<p>I’m going to put on my jaded, paranoid gamer hat for a moment. When I see a “small gang of unruly-looking youths” running in my direction immediately after an explosive catastrophe (I assume immediately because it’s all part of the same read-aloud text, which means I as a PC haven’t had a chance to act), I assume that these new arrivals are trouble; they could be ill-dressed cultists, looters, or saboteurs intent on channeling the released energy to destroy more of the city. Their role as child-endangerment victims is a little clearer once the action starts. Even so, you’re asking my character to rescue a bunch of reckless, pubescent rascals who seem to be able to predict trouble and race toward it faster than a GM can declare “Roll for initiative.” I also encourage you to avoid adjectives that imply judgment in your read-aloud text (e.g. “unruly-looking”), as that is Telling rather than Showing; demonstrate in a few words how I as a player might infer that they’re unruly, such as you do in the clause that ends that sentence. Regarding your treatment of the youths mechanically, take a second look at the youths’ stats. Neither the emberlings nor the ooze swarm is likely to one-shot any of these youths, so it’s likely that they’ll be able to flee without much trouble—especially since each has some space to back up as part of a withdraw action to avoid attacks of opportunity.</p>
<p>I do love the chance to pull some random alchemical wares from a specialty store—points for that, though I’m curious as to why Craft (alchemy) or Spellcraft wouldn’t also work for finding potions. I also like how the situation escalates as one alchemical disaster leads to another with the ooze swarm’s appearance. Having a few events chain off of one another in this way not only illustrates that the PCs are part of a complex and dangerous situation, but it also reflects well on your encounter-building skills.</p>
<p><b>Numbers</b>
<br />
You numbers all seem fine. The skill DCs are all reasonable for this level without contradicting any entries in the <i>Core Rulebook</i>. That is, of course, assuming that the glass here is magically hardened.</p>
<p><b>Style</b>
<br />
Avoid the use of future tense, except in dialogue or in exceptional circumstances in which the outcome really is 100% guaranteed. Where you are using future tense, Paizo typically uses present tense, sometimes with the subjunctive or conditional mood.</p>
<p>You’ve done a good job of using those conditional if-then sentences, which are all-important in writing encounters. Overall, your writing seems solid and would require little rewriting. </p>
<p><b>Closing Thoughts</b>
<br />
This is a good encounter that combines several creatures and a fairly straightforward rescue angle. It gives the players a good opportunity to experience Nex both descriptively and mechanically.</p>
<p>I <b>do</b> recommend this encounter for advancement.</p>Hey Mark, congratulations on making it to the top 16.
I am the developer of Pathfinder Society Organized Play, which means I see lots of short adventures and self-contained encounters over the course of a year. It’s a developer’s job to read through, revise, and fact-check pretty much everything, so it’s tough to boil down what I’m looking for into a couple of clever headers. Essentially, I’m approaching this round like I would a scenario turnover, which involves marking up a copy of your...John Compton (Starfinder Senior Developer)2014-02-11T06:28:50ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeRobert Lazzaretti (Contributing Cartographer)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#32014-02-10T01:03:31Z2014-02-10T01:03:31Z<p>Confusing map design, with very specific but confusing elements needing to represented. The encounter itself sounds cool, but making the map for this one is a challenge that may end up with a confusing final.</p>
<p>I do not recommend this encounter for advancement.</p>Confusing map design, with very specific but confusing elements needing to represented. The encounter itself sounds cool, but making the map for this one is a challenge that may end up with a confusing final.
I do not recommend this encounter for advancement.Robert Lazzaretti (Contributing Cartographer)2014-02-10T01:03:31ZRe: Forums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeCrystal Frasier (Contributor)https://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#22014-02-09T20:14:19Z2014-02-09T20:14:19Z<p>Hi! I’m Crystal and I’m one of your judges this round. I’ll be looking at your encounter not just as a GM and writer, but also as a professional cartographer, to see how much fun it would be to run and if the map helps or hinders the experience. For a little background, I’ve been writing for RPGs since the late 90’s, and am the author of <i>The Harrowing</i> and <i>Pathfinder Adventure Path #80: Empty Graves</i>, and I try to apply the standards of pitch, challenge, fun, and map design to my own writing just as I’m applying them here.</p>
<p>[Spoiler omitted]</p>
<p><b>Pitch</b>
<br />
This is a “PCs wander by and a fight breaks out” encounters, but it gives a very good reason for the PCs to be there, for the monsters to be there, and for innocent bystanders to be there, so I think it works. I especially like the children playing in the rainbow colored steam because that’s exactly what some kids would do. My only strong quibble is that we try to downplay child endangerment in Pathfinder products. There’s a lot of background for the encounter as well, probably more than is needed, but it doesn’t end up stealing word count from anywhere that especially needs it. The encounter also suggests further adventure without mandating it to understand what’s going on.</p>
<p><b>Challenge</b>
<br />
The encounter is mechanically-balanced, and the steam is going to hamper the emberlings as much as the PCs so it shouldn’t swing the fight for either side. The encounter does seem a bit high-level for what boils down to pest control.</p>
<p><b>Fun</b>
<br />
It’s an exciting encounter with strange creatures, an unusual environmental effect, and innocent bystanders to be saves. The location and added elements help it stand out from typical “go in this room and fight this monster” setups. Giving players the option to shoplift alchemical weapons from the nearby stands and shops adds some outstanding flavor.</p>
<p><b>Map Design</b>
<br />
The concept for this location is much stronger than the map. Most of the space is given over to nondescript shops and plazas that don’t play into the encounter and don’t suggest that they’ll be important at any other point. If those unusused portions seemed a little more functional or lived-in or had some interesting interconnecting elements it would save the map, but as-is it's the weakest part of this submission.</p>
<p>Despite the map problems, I think this is a nice, balanced encounter with a lot going on. I <b>do</b> recommend this encounter for advancement.</p>Hi! I’m Crystal and I’m one of your judges this round. I’ll be looking at your encounter not just as a GM and writer, but also as a professional cartographer, to see how much fun it would be to run and if the map helps or hinders the experience. For a little background, I’ve been writing for RPGs since the late 90’s, and am the author of The Harrowing and Pathfinder Adventure Path #80: Empty Graves, and I try to apply the standards of pitch, challenge, fun, and map design to my own writing...Crystal Frasier (Contributor)2014-02-09T20:14:19ZForums: Round 3: Design an encounter: Cerulean Pyre PromenadeMark Nordheimhttps://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qnwl?Cerulean-Pyre-Promenade#12014-02-17T21:52:23Z2014-02-07T02:32:05Z<p><span class=messageboard-bigger><b>Cerulean Pyre Promenade</b></span>
<br />
==========</p>
<p>Among the prominent sites in Oenopion, Nex’s city of alchemists, is a cluster of blue-brick buildings known as the Cerulean Pyre. The district takes its name from the gout of brilliant blue flame that has issued from the top of its highest tower ever since the builder, Farikka Vyme, was assassinated three centuries ago.</p>
<p>Lady Vyme was an alchemist of exceptional skill and renown who sought political power on Nex’s Council of Three and Nine. Outmaneuvered by her rivals in Quantium, Vyme constructed these buildings as her personal redoubt and began fabricating alchemical war machines to claim a seat on the council by force. She was killed by her rivals before she could launch the assault, leaving only her fortress as a reminder of her power.</p>
<p>In the centuries following the death of Lady Vyme, the buildings of the Cerulean Pyre have been repurposed by the inhabitants of Oenopion. Many of the smaller structures are used as shops or residences, while others serve as laboratories, barracks, or warehouses.</p>
<p>The largest and most ornate building of the Cerulean Pyre is today known as the Promenade. Once the center of Vyme’s alchemical research, the Promenade consists of a large central hall with numerous laboratories, forges, and foundries located in the various side chambers. Ownership of the Promenade has been subdivided, and each chamber is now controlled by a different proprietor. The central hall of the Promenade is open to the public, and many of the alchemists that work there have converted parts of their chambers into shops to sell their potions and other wares.</p>
<p>The central hall of the Promenade contains wonders that were created by Farikka Vyme for unknown purposes. Among these are a fountain that flows upside-down, a statue whose face always resembles the observer, and a vat of viscous orange fluid that expels violet bubbles.</p>
<p>Recently, unexplained crashing and clanging noises have been heard in the Promenade and throughout the Cerulean Pyre. Rumors abound that Farikka Vyme left undiscovered secrets in her redoubt, and that her final revenge is nigh.</p>
<p>The PCs may have entered the Promenade to investigate the rumors of the strange sounds, or they may have come to purchase alchemical supplies. Either way, trouble finds them when they reach the central hall’s Plaza of Swirling Steam. </p>
<p><span class=messageboard-bigger><b>Plaza of Swirling Steam (CR 5)</b></span>
<br />
==========</p>
<p>Read the following when the PCs first approach the area:</p>
<p><span class=messageboard-ooc>The hall widens into a 60-foot wide sky-lit plaza with a bizarre apparatus at its center. Seven three-foot wide vertical glass cylinders are clustered together and extend from the floor to roughly half the chamber’s 40-foot height. The cylinders are interconnected by a haphazard array of smaller tubes at various heights. Torrents of swirling, multi-colored steam pulse up and down the cylinders at a rapid pace, producing a dazzling display of color. Occasionally, tiny flashes of lightning erupt within the steam in the upper reaches of the apparatus.</span></p>
<p><span class=messageboard-ooc>Beyond this, the hall is full of people. Natives of this city, they are buying, selling, talking, or otherwise conducting their business in the plaza; they pay little notice to its décor. Several shops line the plaza, with names like Everyday Alchemy and Prujak’s Potion Emporium.</span></p>
<p>Though unknown to the locals, the steam cylinders here extend deep underground and connect to the boiler system of Farikka Vyme’s hidden forge, where her greatest alchemical war machines were created. PCs can recognize that the steam likely originates from an alchemical boiler by making a DC 20 Craft (alchemy) or Knowledge (arcana) check.</p>
<p>The boiler has run continuously since Vyme’s death, but is now malfunctioning as it runs short of certain reagents that stabilized its operation. The malfunction has led to the formation of emberlings deep inside the boiler, as well as a build-up of melancholic ooze inside the glass cylinders. More recent additional malfunctions have reduced the temperature of the boiler sufficiently that two emberlings have climbed the cylinders in search of a new heat source. Upon reaching the Promenade moments ago, they began chewing through the glass to escape. Noticing the emberlings through the dense steam before they break their cylinder requires a DC 25 Perception check.</p>
<p>Once the PCs have entered the plaza, read the following:</p>
<p><span class=messageboard-ooc>Suddenly, a loud •pop• fills the air, followed by a crash, as one of the glass cylinders shatters. Colored steam swirls into the plaza at a rapid pace as the throng of people flees the broken apparatus. Unlike the majority of the crowd, a small gang of unruly-looking youths wearing clashing colors is running towards the cylinder, frolicking through plumes of steam with irreverent glee. The youths appear oblivious to the glowing, vaguely insect-shaped figures that can be seen emerging from the steam.</span></p>
<p>The PCs objective in this encounter is to protect the populace of the city from the emerging monsters, including the unruly youths who do not realize they need protection.</p>
<p>The fleeing crowd impacts movement through the squares marked on the map (see <i>Gamemastery Guide</i>) for the first round of combat, after which all bystanders except the unruly youths will have fled the plaza.</p>
<p>The swirling steam fills the squares indicated on the map, providing concealment. The steam is warm and smells strongly of lavender, but is harmless (the lightning effect observed inside the cylinders will not occur in the escaped steam). The remaining glass cylinders may also be broken (hardness 5, hp 5, Break DC 22) in order to release additional steam in a 10-foot radius around the point of the break.</p>
<p>If the PCs attempt to enter one of the nearby shops to acquire items that will assist them during combat, each PC searching may attempt a DC 10 Perception check each round. Roll 1d6 for each PC that succeeds to determine what type of helpful item is found:</p>
<p>1. Flask of <i>acid</i>
<br />
2. Flask of <i>liquid ice</i> (<i>Ultimate Equipment</i>)
<br />
3. <i>Tanglefoot bag</i>
<br />
4. Potion of <i>resist energy (fire)</i>
<br />
5. Potion of <i>barkskin</i>
<br />
6. Potion of <i>cure moderate wounds</i></p>
<p>Shopkeepers near the plaza will forgive the cost of any items taken, so long as they are used to defeat the monsters. With sufficient time, virtually any potion or alchemical item can be found and purchased somewhere in the Promenade.</p>
<p><b>Creatures:</b> All creatures start at the positions indicated on the map. The two emberlings are highly agitated due to the lack of heat in their new surroundings. They will attack the nearest fleshy creatures they can find, using their Bellowing Cloud ability when threatened.</p>
<p><b>Emberlings (2) CR 2</b>
<br />
XP 600 each
<br />
<b>hp</b> 26 each (R2)</p>
<p>A single melancholic ooze swarm that has accumulated inside the apparatus will also emerge and seek out the flesh of nearby creatures. The ooze swarm begins inside one of the small tubes connecting the cylinders and must spend the first round of combat maneuvering through the apparatus to get out into the plaza. The swarm expands to cover its standard 10-foot space after emerging from the tube. </p>
<p><b>Melancholic Ooze Swarm CR 1</b>
<br />
XP 400
<br />
<b>hp</b> 17 (<i>Pathfinder 43: The Haunting of Harrowstone</i>)</p>
<p>There are five unruly youths running around in the steam. They do not realize the threat posed by these monsters until it is too late. Once they have taken damage from a monster’s attack, the youths attempt to flee, but it is likely that they will be choking, nauseated, or otherwise incapacitated as a result of the attack.</p>
<p><b>Unruly Youths (5) CR -</b>
<br />
XP -
<br />
<b>hp</b> 9 each (use statistics for <b>Pig Farmer</b>, <i>NPC Codex</i>)
<br />
<b>Melee</b> none (the youths are unarmed and will not make attacks)</p>
<p><b>Development:</b> A pair of guards (human warrior 3, <i>Gamemastery Guide</i>) arrives two minutes after the glass breaks to investigate the commotion. If there are still monsters in the area, the guards flee to bring in reinforcements.</p>
<p>Assuming the PCs have defeated all of the monsters, the guards thank them for protecting the populace. If the PCs performed exceptionally well (for example, they may have prevented any of the unruly youths from coming to serious harm), the guards look favorably on any attempt by the PCs to explore the shafts under the broken apparatus and deal with possible continuing threats (a DC 15 Diplomacy check is sufficient to obtain permission). Otherwise, they cordon off the plaza and consult the authorities of Oenopion on how to proceed. The authorities may eventually commission an expedition to explore the shafts.</p>
<p>If the PCs explore the shafts, they find that the walls consist of slippery glass all the way down (Climb DC 25). Each of the various cylinders descends 30 feet straight down before curving off into a maze of twisted glass tunnels, filled with steam. The maze is patrolled by monstrous oozes and eventually exits into the boiler, where additional emberlings lurk.</p>
<p>Beyond the boiler lies Farikka Vyme’s forgotten forge. Here, the PCs battle strange constructs, explore the intricacies of Vyme’s war machines, and perhaps uncover the secrets of the Cerulean Pyre.</p>Cerulean Pyre Promenade
==========
Among the prominent sites in Oenopion, Nex’s city of alchemists, is a cluster of blue-brick buildings known as the Cerulean Pyre. The district takes its name from the gout of brilliant blue flame that has issued from the top of its highest tower ever since the builder, Farikka Vyme, was assassinated three centuries ago.
Lady Vyme was an alchemist of exceptional skill and renown who sought political power on Nex’s Council of Three and Nine. Outmaneuvered by...Mark Nordheim2014-02-07T02:32:05Z