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Last year I reviewed every item in the thread. I separate it out to keep track you’ll see the reviews in the format below. If I really, really like it I might PM you my email address and try and recruit you into freelancing for my 3PP brand The Flying Pincushion which currently publishes under the d20srd banner.
Please do not take offense I will occasionally get curt in my reviews but they will be honest. Sometimes I’ll couch that in polite terms sometimes I’ll be tired and grumpy which is a good replica of what happens when you are voting.
#) Item name
The Good positive feedback
The Bad minor quibbles
The Ugly borderline rants
Overall Opinion in summary will grade from 1-5 stars
1= DQ or cull worthy
- Poor formatting with bad concept
- joke items
- serious rules issues
-serious writing problems
or a compound of criteria from 2
2= Makes the cull but lower middling for me.
-Worthy concept but poor formatting
-Less then fond of underlying concept
-Obvious rip off of another item or clearly stolen from a fantasy novel
-Combination of lesser issues or really light version of greater issue.
3= Middling, I up vote as often as down.
-Too class specific
-Rivers of blood, gore or other theme issues with excellent execution.
-Naming issue
-Usable but just not Superstar in concept
4= Upvoted a great deal I liked it just not top 32 liked it
-Flawless formatting
-Good writing
-Good concept
-Tight design
-Just not all of that together
5- Top 32 worthy, I’d consider this for top 32, I might even message you about trying out for some work with my 3PP
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1) Manservant Mannequin
The Good: I see the utility and it's an original idea which gains you some points. Writing is solid, format on point.
The Bad: Alliterative names are a misstep.
The Ugly: Last I checked dimension door doesn't changer your shirt and your requirements need something like unseen servant. That add in power of a guardian was another misstep made it a little close to a SAZ which is a mistake I can relate to.
Overall: 3 stars. Rereading it I like it a little better, but its still going to lose to a lot of pairings. I could see this in a book of items and the core concept is fairly cool but the execution is missing a spark of superstar.
2) Shawl, Spell-Mirror
The Good: You went mythic which helped this stand out and represented a design risk, tip of the hat to you. This is mechanically balanced and I do not object to the price tag, formatting is a-ok.
The Bad: I hate that name, no flavor just sets expectations to exactly what it does.
The Ugly: I strongly dislike items that use spell rebound, or auto screw a spell without costing something of consequence. Costs no action, and expending a source of daily points is meaningless.
Overall: 2 stars. I have a downvoting reflex on items that screw every npc spellcaster I want to throw at my PCs. It may seem harsh and I see potential in you but you're thinking too much like a player in a room full of GMS.
3)Bracelet of the Peaceful Dove
The Good: I recently designed an archetype for the oracle that would make great use of this. There is a market for people who want to play peaceful characters surrounded by murderhobos.
The Bad: You use trigger words for fatigue: stay away from words like peaceful, tranquil, sleep, ect when you want someone to say up one more minute past 2 am and vote for your item.
The Ugly: Is the dove making a touch attack or is it auto hitting? Penalty to Bluff might cause the violence the dove is supposed to prevent. Conflict drives story, I'd hesitate with allowing this item.
Overall: 2.5 I like it better then other 2s but less then most threes. It'd be a 3 if you didn't spam the item's name in the entry and I'm not wild about the name. I could edit this to a 4 star item but not a 5.
4) Provocateur’s Pamphlet
The Good: Good word choices like gravitas. I'm not opposed to political items and with this an idea can spread like wild fire.
The Bad: Lacking the kind of visuals you get with a Superstar item, it's missing salt.
The Ugly: For me this item needs a table with adjustments based on how close the author is to a reader's alignment. Needs to have a point where the magic fades otherwise it has a severe balance issue. You writing is very good just didn't think everything through or you need another pair of eyes.
Overall: Solid 3 stars middling item for me. I don't hate it but I'm not quite willing to pay a pennie per word on it either, even in a book of utility items.
5) Boots of Spellwalking
The Good: I like that the boots help a spell caster's mobility that's a good way to go. I think you really went for superstar, there's a sense of going for it with this.
The Bad: This is way to powerful for the price.
The Ugly: The drawback isn't a drawback, ability to ignore difficult terrain takes care of the only possible penalty, stomping to force a concentration check on top of everything is way too OP.
Overall: 2 stars. This screams first draft with no editing. Wording is awkward in places and the execution of concept piles on a little too much. Join a writing circle, you have a voice but you need a filter.
6) Abiding Light
The Good: Consumable was a good choice, I like the morale bonus and the secondary effect. Formatting is solid, writing is solid, and name works.
The Bad: Moral bonus and light effect isn't very exciting.
The Ugly: Pricy for a consumable and there's some seriously wasted words here. I don;t need you to tell me you can;t see it thru a wall.
Overall: 4 stars. This had absolutely everything going for it except the core concept fails to be superstar. Please don;t take offense but you're the kind of writer I'll give one of my ideas to and see if you can work it into something we can both use. You have the mechanics down, you're missing the cool factor here.
7) Battleforge Gauntlets
The Good: Great name, evocative imagery.
The Bad: I was concerned with how this interacts with weapons.
The Ugly: The drawn out of a creature power is confusing.
Overall: 3 stars- I'm admittedly a little biased as you're one of my contributors. You upvote your friends plain and simple, but this wasn't your best effort. Warning you of the missteps was a little late on my part as I recall you had already submitted.
8)Astral Thief’s Opera Gloves
The Good: I like that the different gloves have different effects and if I got the concept right this was intended to let you rob bags of holding and what not.
The Bad: Description paragraph wastes time with background- a no no for me.
The Ugly: There's some sloppy unclear writing. I wanted to like these but had a hard time voting it up.
Overall: 2 stars. It hurt that there were quite a few steal related gloves this year, naming and again some sloppy writing I'm sure you are aware of in retrospect hurt this concept. For the record I really liked the consideration given to unarmed attacks.
9)Spellmason's Mallet
The Good: I upvoted this item frequently. I liked the way it interacted with magic which runs contrary to my natural dislike of spell manipulation items.
The Bad: The wall of force power should have been trimmed.
The Ugly: Last line saves this from being a weapon.
Overall: 5 stars, In expected to compete with you in the top 32 but what do I know... PM me if you like doing archetypes.
10) Stanhope of Bloody Roots
The Good: Excellent name, balanced mechanics and fairly good writing.
The Bad: You made me google stanhope and the scar hex, not good to do to the voters, hyperlink.
The Ugly: Ever see your players eyes glaze over and realize you're giving too much back story? This item personifies that moment.
Overall: 4 stars. To be fair I like how different we approach things it makes for a good working relationship as we approach designs from very different angles. I liked this but I would have advised you to trim out the first paragraph entirely. Original as heck but not superstar.
11) Spellsnaring Gauntlets
The Good: Writing is on point, as is formatting, and this is a flawless execution.
The Bad: Price seems low even with the limit.
The Ugly: I rolled my eyes at the name. I'm being brutal because this item is a trope. I saw something like this in the top 32 before and in voting last year. I catch your spell and throw it back at you isn't very original sorry.
Overall: 4 stars. I'd let you edit my work. Formatting is flawless, the writing and execution is flawless, the idea is just well worn territory. I'd like to give you something to work just to see what you'd do with it. I'd give you free copies of my products just to proof stuff before it goes to layout, I'm seriously that impressed.
12) Bullet-Catching Duster
The Good: Description was dam cool, you clearly have system mastery and good formatting skills.
The Bad: Name is a little weak.
The Ugly: Gunslingers are a divisive class for a lot of grognards, you might as well give away votes based on that prejudice. I'm doing a gunslinger book in a bit this item with a little reworking would fit in nice if I did items.
Overall: 4 stars. Ignoring the marketability of the class specific items, this would be welcome in an equipment guide.
13) Lake Maker Spigot
The Good: The few times I up voted this were based on the last paragraph. Format is good, no spelling errors.
The Bad: Weird item choice.
The Ugly: If you're bringing the kitchen sink to superstar it better do something other then shooting water.
Overall: 1.5 stars. I can't remember if this got culled would not have been surprised. Your writing is fine, but its a SIAC and lacking the imaginative flare I want in an entry. I learn little about you as a writer by reading this.
14) Cloak of a Thousand Daggers
The Good: Had a lot going for it, mechanically sound, formatted well, well written, cool name, and decent idea.
The Bad: Counter attack damage is unclear, yeah I get prolly 1 daggers worth but what if I'm a small or large creature. needed more definition.
The Ugly: If I'm wearing a cloak of animate daggers I want the option to parry with it instead of counter attacking.
Overall: 4.5 stars. This would make my top 64 for sure but juuust a little outside for top 32 there were soem great items this year.
15) Taxonomist’s Codex
The Good: Good name, balanced powers, good mastery of the rules.
The Bad: Basically mimics the powers of a successful skill check, not superstar.
The Ugly: It is possible this steps on the bard's abilities.
Overall: 3 stars, you gave me nothing that makes me go wow I want that in my game...
Will resume reviewing in a bit.. Will get to every item posted.
Thanks for the Good, Bad, and the Ugly GM_Solspiral! I heartily agree that I made some conscious design decisions that should have been made the other way!
And I really should have probably chatted with you about it BEFORE submission :)
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16) Cloak of the Shadow Twin
The Good: I have a love hate relationship with the glut of good shadow items this year because I think we caused the judges voter's fatigue which of course is why you don't see any of us in the top 32. This was a really good item. Specifically you used 20% hp total and limited the power of the duplicate which shows restraint.
The Bad: Price is low for what this does.
The Ugly: The addition of a teleport power is just one step too many. I think I made a similar mistake on mine own shadow item the shadow archer's gage.
Overall: 4.5 stars- I had this pegged just outside the top 32 which is where it landed. Great minds think alike feel free to message me if you want to try an archetype for one of my pubs. Pay is pretty much standard which is to say... low but you'll gain XP.
17) Tabard of Sanguine Symbiosis
The Good: There seems to be a crowd that goes for blood every year. This was one of the if not the best blood related item. I liked this.
The Bad: Alliterative name and blood item make me drink 2 shots in superstar bingo.
The Ugly: Last power shouldn't hear the wearer by the way it worked before should do more DR as it covers you better or something. Generally I have a distaste for blood items.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. I could see this going into a book and I would certainly consider buying it as an upgrade to quickrunner's shirt were I playing a melee character. Writing is tight, I'd look at more of your stuff if you sent it my way.
18) Sanguine Gem
The Good: You can write and format these are steps in th right direction.
The Bad: Favored by, drink. Blood item, drink. Cursed item that can kill you, drink!
The Ugly: Swiss army knife of feats that can KILL the character using it. 3,500k is both too little and too much. These are fatal flaws
Overall: 1 star- It's harsh but I'd straight DQ this under not a wondrous item. It didn't get DQed but I didn't vote for it either. I'm not saying this to be mean but research previous contests when its available the forums are there to look at. Come back stronger next year, if you have the ambition the description text tells me you can write.
19) Sibilant Sistrum
The Good: I like its an instrument and that bards can get more use out of this by spending performance, that is nice tight mechanics. You demonstrate a good vocabulary too and your text is clear.
The Bad: Alliteration with an sss sound for snakes makes me less likely to take it seriously.
The Ugly: A DC 5 perform check is so low you might as well cut it... Its a waste of words and mechanics. Concept is less then thrilling an instrument that summons things is a trope.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling for me. That bit about the bardic performance raises this from a 2. You'll come in stronger next year, I can tell.
20) Bracer of Forceful Restraint
The Good: I see the sparks of originality that got you into rpg 2012. There's cinematic text, tight mechanics, and solid formatting.
The Bad: Couldn't resist the feedback on the wearer huh?
The Ugly: Its a magical version of a net gun and handcuffs.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling for me. Reminds me of a spell from 2nd ed did bands of force around a target, liked that spell but never used it once. Haste, fireball, or hold person were always better options. This is how i feel about this item this year...
21) Glove of Face Filching
The Good: I see a rogue using this on a guard then using the guards voice to call off reinforcements. I get where you were going.
The Bad: Alliterative name, Drink!
The Ugly: Got yer nose err mouth. I get this is a serious entry, its mechanics are too well thought out not to be but the description plus the whimsical name probably hurt you with the voters big time. Some poor choices on what is an otherwise mechanically sound utility item.
Overall: 2 stars- Lower middling for me for the reasons I outlined.
22) Bloody Sheath of the Bravo
The Good: You managed to marry the concept of a blood item which I'll generally disdain to swashbucker theme which generally wins at everything. Well done another good blood item.
The Bad: Last power was over the top.
The Ugly: Price is too low for adding essentially a dazzling display feat replacement, an unlimited number of uses ranged attack option to a melee weapon, and the ability to add another property to weapon.
Overall: 4 stars- lose the last power and double your price and I could see top 32. If you ever want to work together on something PM me we'll talk projects I love your trapster book.
23) Grips of the Drowning Dark
The Good: I'm so glad you posted this because I started my keep folder after reading this and never copy pasted it into my folder of goodies. To say the least I dug it.
The Bad: This sentence is an undefined power, rookie error "In addition, once per day, directly following a failed attempt to grapple a foe, the wearer of these gloves may beseech aid from the dangers that lurk beneath still waters as a free action, for them to finish what she could not."
The Ugly: Drawbacks are a trap, you almost always regret them. If you need a drawback dial back a power its too much or up the price.
Overall: 3.5 Stars- little better then middling. Your writing is top notch but your formatting and mechanics are off base. you can be taught mechanics- teaching someone to write like that is harder. Drop me a PM maybe I can direct you to some opportunities that'll help you get experience and come back stronger next year.
more on the way...
24) COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND
The Good: This can save a party from a TPK which is useful. Writing is on point. No game balance issues, you even nailed down a solid price.
The Bad: Fair escape items aren't really superstar. All caps title is off putting, not a fan of referring to then item in its entirety in the descriptive text.
The Ugly: Random rolling effects (even location) is a no no. Bigger sin was the choice to mention you can never land within a mile of the same spot twice. This item makes more work for a GM which is an unfortunate design flaw.
Overall: 2.5 Stars- Higher end of lower middling for me. You can replace the random rolling to random location within 200 miles without specifying how and let the GM decide that. Saves words and avoids a known pet peeve. Even perfecting the execution make this a solid utility option rather then a superstar item.
25) Shears of the Hairless Hag
The Good: This was original and interesting. Item description is fun, power is neat.
The Bad: The alliteration in the name plus the effect can me misconstrued as a joke item.
The Ugly: A cool item with a cool effect I'd never have a character use partly dues to the image and charisma damage. Maybe I'm just vain?
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. to put it bluntly its 2 hexes in a can with a little extra Zazz. I'd still be happy to work with you if you want to try some archetypes. As it happens developing a witch book now.
26) Dust of Fantastical Terrain
The Good: I liked that these were consumable and dealt with terrain in a way that was greater then basically entangle in a can.
The Bad: This would end up needing another 500 word of errata.
The Ugly: You took a half step out of the box on going entangle but saw your shadow and ran back in the box. You could lose the overgrowth bit and leave plant growth in the requirements and just stay something like the user can sculpt the terrain as they wish and add some errata. The forced plant growth box hurt this item for me.
Overall: 4 star solid upper middling item here. Idea has superstar potential but execution fell a little short for me.
27) Baldric of Revealing Mists
The Good: Solid name, good mechanics, neat effect, and very good description.
The Bad: Mist items were victim to redundancy this year.
The Ugly: Price seems low, I'm unclear on what happens if I activate this in someone else's fog cloud...
Overall: 4.5 stars- Just outside the top 32 for me. It's good do not mistake me, but it got edged out by some other items for me... would make a top 64 list for sure. Would work with you if you want to freelance on the cheap :)
That should wrap up the 1st page... If I missed you post here with what you item is and what page and I'll circle back for it.
28) Soul’s Visage
The Good: Template use is on point and its written in a clear voice.
The Bad: If I'm not mistaken this was DQed on word count...
The Ugly: I don;t use the honor system, not sure where that draws from maybe if you go obscure on the rules provide a link?
Overall: 1 star DQ or Cull for me. It's so niche that you'd lose the public vote, also remember that one of the judges isn't Paizo. Fails in the know thine audience commandment.
29) Thespian's Globe
The Good: You're playing into bards which are a favorite so point there. Description is fair, template use on point.
The Bad: You guessed it this is under priced as is.
The Ugly:First sentence loses me a little, 1st effect is ok but not exciting its basically a microphone or vid display, second power is where it gets interesting. You buried your lead. Mechanically this should have charges or limits and save is fairly high.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. I din't love or hate this, not bad at all for a first attempt.
30) Sandstone Sirocco
The Good: Love the visuals and descriptive text. Good work on formatting, pricing, and requirements.
The Bad: Clunky wording around the scouring magical writing.
The Ugly: Any self respecting murder hobo want to know what happens to enemies caught in the sand vortex. You left out the interesting part!
Overall: 3 stars- solid middling for me. This had potential but missing the most likely attempted use is a fatal flaw.
31) Lucky Golden Tooth
The Good: I really liked the mechanics of this. Think of the grillz comments as more of a playful ribbing then the mean girls picking on you. This is a solid item as was the other tooth frankly they both got their share of up votes from me.
The Bad: I like items this powerful to have a slot though.
The Ugly: First sentence is hyperbole. Show don;t tell.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. I liked this item and and would give you lots of work if all your mechanics are that elegant. It is missing the cinematic flare required to be a superstar item though. PM me and we can chat about projects if you want a shot.
Going to bed, Choker of Spell Stifling you're on deck for the AM.
It was 231 words and showed up for me after the cull several times, so I'm assuming it wasn't DQ'd.28) Soul’s Visage
The Bad: If I'm not mistaken this was DQed on word count...
Fair enough. Its not a bad item its just so darn niche I couldn't really give it a high rating.
32) Mask of the Wayang
The Good: The game doesn't really have a great deal of ways to hold a powerful spell caster captive. You saw a problem and tried to solve it.
The Bad: Featureless items are the hallmark of insecure writing.
The Ugly: I'll be blunt, this looks like an item I've seen in the Sword of Truth series and in The Wheel of Time series. Even if the similarities are unintentional, you have to know the genre.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. Magical handcuff aren''t going to be Superstar. Congrats on your first entry, get feedback and practice with the blazing 9 you'll get better.
33) Mask of the Wayang
The Good: I like the name, the theme and the item description was very nice.
The Bad: A skill bonus is not Superstar.
The Ugly: Way cheaper and more effective then this item, a wand of invisibility. The most interesting effect of this IS the drawback.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. Awesome name promises me something cool design execution falls flat. The first line fo this item gives me some hope, there's a better mask of the wayang in you- try it again and I'll even critique it for you give you some tips.
34) Thunderstorm Mantle
The Good: Lots of awesome- love you went for mythic, description had me for the first half or so, when you repeated the skewering bit I liked it less. I like the theme and you restrained yourself from going to far on the execution.
The Bad: This is fairly inexpensive for the effects.
The Ugly: Your mythic-fu is weak. Take that out and the item gets about 50% better. lets look at my mythic power options... I can add an extra dice to a d20 roll for one use, or take another action, or give my magic cloak a minor boost in power at best.
Overall: 3.5 stars- between middling and upper middling for me. The swirling weather trope hurt you for sure. I'm going to be harsh and say that you may be a victim of an overly cautious writing circle.
35) Glaring mask
The Good: Stopping a charging foe with an intimidating glance is awesome. I love the core idea here.
The Bad: The name is bland, needs salt. Commas in cost and price.
The Ugly: This becomes 300% better by simply changing the rules of Intimidate. Make an opposed will save vs intimidate, failing by 5 makes a victim shaken failing by x makes x ect. You were on to something but the mechanics are a little too timid. If you were in my writing circle I'd encourage you you to take more risks.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. The Intimidate skill is a good design space ripe for a top 32 item, you saw the right space just needed a draft or three more.
36) Manipulator's Headdress
The Good: I like headdresses, I liked the name, the description in both versions works well for me.
The Bad: you spotted the DCs are high and a lack of use limitations.
The Ugly: The name promises me a social item which I don't get in the execution which hurt you with me. The image of grappling and puppeteering someone with my head slot item frankly breaks the suspension of disbelief.
Overall: 3 Stars- This was quite middling for me. I don't actively dislike it or really like it much. Not bad for a last minute submission but then again you know better.
37) Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
The Good: This was in my top 32. Formatting spot on, I like the tricky, I'm a sucker for mad monkeys, and Sun Wukong is my favorite Pathfinder deity.
The Bad: Forcing myself to call you out on using mad monkey spell...
The Ugly: Price is a little low for an unslotted item, I'd add about 10k to the price personally.
Overall: 5 stars- this was a top 32 item for me. PM me, I'd give you archetype work to start see if you can hang in that space. Pay isn't fantastic but doing something you love to do is...
38) Bucket Hat
The Good: Sleep hex is very powerful, a counter to it is a good idea.
The Bad: The name was a bad choice for me.
The Ugly: It's hard to get specific but this was an item that failed to think out all the right effects in execution. a bucket fo water triggered by sleep spells and hexes is cool but what if that character is on fire, no water then?
Overall: 2 stars- made it past and deserved to get past cull but lacked the execution to rise above lower middling for me. It's hard to get more specific without the item.
End page 2...
Thanks for taking the time to review my item and offer your insight. I also appreciate your dedication to review all of the items. Great work.
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Page 3
39) Scepter of Fools
The Good: Good name, straight up fun item. I like the mechanics.
The Bad: Item is understandably expensive, you hit the nail when you say this is a borderline artifact.
The Ugly: Giving a history on the item is a misstep, perform comedy is very niche, and the concept of an adventurer using this is a stretch for most games.
Overall: 3 stars- middling to me. There are elements I love about this item but there are parts that leave a bad taste. I'd have a hard time editing this into something I'd pay to print.
40) Boots, Tower
The Good: I looked past the formatting issues and liked the general idea here. Maybe it's because I've been on stilts working drywall with my dad.
The Bad: It's hard but you can jump with stilts... Its a little stupid but it can be done.
The Ugly: Sorry to say formatting is your bane here... Feet are ft. for example. I also would have loved to see a kicking option with these.
Overall: 2 stars- lowering middling because of formatting issues. This was a cool idea that fell down on execution. If you do not have a writing circle, find one and practice up for next year.
41) Mapper
The Good: I admire your ability to make variants in the same item, and this item would be cool in a fantasy novel.
The Bad: You chose the worse off 2 names, I like cartographer's sphere better,
The Ugly: Never make an item that can spoil a GM's fun. If the GM wants the party to get a map the GM will provide one, this essentially lets players behind the screen too much and that is bad design.
Overall: 1 star- cullable for me. Tough love is that this is an excellent execution on a bad idea.
42) Soulvine Seed
The Good: Name is neat, there's some plot opportunities in the concept which appeal to my Inner GM, and formatting is on point.
The Bad: Last paragraph adds nothing to this item's appeal and in a game with tons of downtime like kingmaker this can be an issue plus plant growth or aging effects?
The Ugly: Saves are high for the costs, not sure if this is a permanent theft of ability, and frankly it takes several reads to get this item. I'm still unclear on if a connection persists after the secondary effect wears off, Does the victim get their level back?
Overall: 1 star- cullable for me. This is an example of compound execution sins. Price is high for the DC of the saves and really low for the effects. The superfluous sentence on the end opens up options for abuse by an enterprising druid. The utility is sketchy and possible to really abuse if you have any ability to poly morph and the right captive. If you have a writing circle, join another one. This feels like a last minute draft, I'm fairly certain I've seen better from you in prior years.
43) Kana'ti Fetish
The Good: Like the Goleran tie in and the hunter gatherer style of it. I like someone has to braid it for you to activate it.
The Bad: What kind of action is it to finish the braid? How long it the fetish active one this is done?
The Ugly: + to movement, stealth, and darkvision make this a SPIC, a SAK, and you're treading on well worn ground as tons of items have these types of effects.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. The first 2 paragraphs make we want to love this item which leads to a big letdown when we actually get to what it does.
44) Circlet of Substantial Foresight
The Good: Divination that fabricates an item that will be useful in the near future is a cool plot item concept. Formatting is sound.
The Bad: Depending on the items manufactured this is prolly typically under priced.
The Ugly: Wall of text.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. I have a hard time getting excited about this as a voter. Plot items are not Superstar and the competition was really good this year.
45) Slaying Shroud
The Good: I like that you thought about design in the villain space and the shadow choices make sense.
The Bad: If I encounter a character with shadows that are languidly swirling around with shadowy tentacles I'm reacting the same way I would if a king was like this sallow creep adviser of mine is named wyrmtongue you can totally trust him.
The Ugly: Your market is mostly people who want to play the good guy.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. I can dissect this more but bottom line is that I up and down voted this depending on its competition. You want to be the item that makes me downvote the others because it's that good.
46) Sinister Collar
The Good: You picked a design space and committed to it. putting tentacles on things is Lovecraftian and I'm a Lovecraft kind of guy.
The Bad: wouldn't a weapon with writing tentacles be a little hard to use?
The Ugly: You replace quickdraw for an item and make it seriously difficult to disarm. I can get locking gauntlets or a weapon cord for allot cheaper.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. I'd say there's some utility here but I have balance concerns and you have some format issues (non italicized spells tentacle beast requirement) that lowered the score.
47) Breach Master’s Epaulets
The Good: military decorations with an actual effect, and one useful in battle for both functions, I dig it.
The Bad: Want a bigger section of wall to lose my DR.
The Ugly: I love the flavor but it is a hard sell for the slot used (shoulders being the cloak slot and all and at the price. For that price I wan bigger wall sections and I don;t like you can recall it into a ribbon.
Overall: 4.5 stars- top 100 material for me. Just not quite a top 32 item for me
48) Scatterstone
The Good: A consumable that can save a party from the severity of a surprise round. Solid evocative writing made this an early favorite of mine.
The Bad: tactical acumen my butt this should have haste and be CL 5th minimum
The Ugly: OK this is an item that falls down on price. You're breaking action economy and a high level party can afford for every member to have like 10 of these. This should be a precious resource for a low and middle level party.
Overall: 2 stars- middling. Balance issues hurt this item bad. I could give it 4 stars with a more reasonable price. 4 stars is high as I go for a SIAC. Writing is really,really solid though- I'd look at more from you.
49) Orb of Supplicants' Shadows
The Good: I loved and hated this item. The mark of good writing is the reaction it evokes, so kudos to you on that. Good call on the linking and I like you took risks by going mythic.
The Bad: Evil is a tough design space in an open vote, the drawback will lose you some of the min max vote.
The Ugly: I'm not sure a healing power is a good trade for the mythic expenditure, it should also do restoration. Price seems really low for the level of awesome-sauce you're doling out even if its a little niche.
Overall: 5 stars- I liked this item a lot. If it wasn't in my top 32 it was because there were items I liked a little better and the pricing seems off. I'd offer you 3PP work right now except for the last line of your feedback post...
posting this now will be back shortly.
Marathon Voter Season 7
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6) Abiding Light
Please don;t take offense but you're the kind of writer I'll give one of my ideas to and see if you can work it into something we can both use. You have the mechanics down, you're missing the cool factor here.
And that's cool. It wasn't my most original idea. But if you ever want to shoot an idea past me, I'm not too proud to do polishing work. :)
I also do monsters, adventure writing, etc.; feel free to contact me for work for hire. A partial run-down of some of my work is on my profile (I really need to get around to updating that.)
Not bad for a last minute submission but then again you know better.
I'M SO ASHAMED. D:
Thanks for the review, I'll pick it up a bit next year. :)
50) Talisman of the Puissant Familiar
The Good: Killer name and I really like the idea of a skunk familiar maintaining an illusion spell or something.
The Bad: 9rd should be 3rd, and I believe you meant 6th typo here is a bummer, hard not to see it.
The Ugly: Turned into an overpowered SAK after the first power.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Honestly, drop everything but the first power and let the familiar do things like direct spells that require a move action and you just made a top 32 item for me.
51) Jar of Imprisoned Echoes
The Good: Sweet name, the writing is excellent, this feels like something a dark fairy would use.
The Bad: as you mentioned SiaC which I can forgive
The Ugly: Does the dead body get a save?
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling for me. The name gives everything away and its an evil character item which can be hard to vote for. A few years ago this would be a top 32 level item but quality of the content in this contest has risen enough where you were out competed for me.
52) Cloak of Synthetic Infinity
The Good: This item is cool as heck, I love the idea of wearing a localized nebula, writing is quite solid.
The Bad: Price is way too low.
The Ugly: You nailed it, the last power doesn't work for me. If you give me localized space I want more than damage I want reverse gravity or something.
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling for me. Edit the last power with an effect that ties better to the concept and raise the heck out of the price or drop the last power entirely. If you have a blog or something PM me the webaddress I'll look at more of your stuff for sure.
53) Guillotine Torc
The Good: This is one of those items that as a voter I hated, then it grew on me with multiple reads. Writing is on point as are mechanics.
The Bad: Torc, drink!
The Ugly: Its pretty Gonzo. I for one would like it better with the anti vorpal property.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling. Its a little horrific and weird, but useful and interesting. My voting on this varied with mood. Points for not being boring.
54) The Jester’s Drinking Buddy
The Good: The writing is really good, the pricing and formatting is on point and I like jesters.
The Bad: Not into the design choice that says I can;t fix the condition like normal.
The Ugly: 2 major issues: 1) its a tracking nightmare for a GM and you cannot trust a player to do so. 2) power balance is way off for me, basically the user is immune to a great deal by this.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. I would down vote this unless there was something I disliked more. The writing is really solid but the power balance is a major deal breaker.
55) Water Rat Pouch
The Good: Neat concept, its a little creepy which I like.
The Bad: name is too literal and I agree the campaign tie in was a misstep.
The Ugly: I take issue with any item that shuts down an enemy this hard for such a low price point. I might like it better as a lower priced consumable.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. The ugly says it all.
56) Resonant Tines
The Good: Name is straight up awesome and I like sound based items.
The Bad: DC is way to high for price and effect, overpowered.
The Ugly: It's a tuning fork with obvious effects. Give em a twist on ear-piercing scream, or have it only effect ghosts and haunts something other then a SIAC with a power boost.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. Naming is hard but the core idea here needed more work I am sorry to say.
57) Band of the Undying Bond
The Good: Well written, well formatted, hyper linked, and I like the design space.
The Bad: Niche.
The Ugly: I like this better is you include animal companions.
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling. Its a fine utility item I'd barely change to print, but its lacking Superstar mojo and it was a tough field this year.
End page 3.
43) Kana'ti Fetish
Thank you, Solspiral. This is the type of feedback I need. I LOVE color - but lack umph on rules knowledge and follow through of that sort.
What I get is that - with the feel, and the unique attunement, I was on to something. The MEH of what it actually did is what killed it for me.
I am happy to work with this!
I am in your debt, Sir!
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8
aka Black Powder Chocobo
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43) Kana'ti FetishThank you, Solspiral. This is the type of feedback I need. I LOVE color - but lack umph on rules knowledge and follow through of that sort.
What I get is that - with the feel, and the unique attunement, I was on to something. The MEH of what it actually did is what killed it for me.
I am happy to work with this!
I am in your debt, Sir!
That's how I was last year, too; cool Golarion-themed idea with lots of flavor behind it, but the overall effect was 'meh' instead of the 'great' it needed to do better.
Take it to heart next year and I'm sure you'll do better :) Look forward to seeing your result next RPGSS!
54) The Jester’s Drinking Buddy
The Good: The writing is really good, the pricing and formatting is on point and I like jesters.
The Bad: Not into the design choice that says I can;t fix the condition like normal.
The Ugly: 2 major issues: 1) its a tracking nightmare for a GM and you cannot trust a player to do so. 2) power balance is way off for me, basically the user is immune to a great deal by this.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. I would down vote this unless there was something I disliked more. The writing is really solid but the power balance is a major deal breaker.
I have to say, I was both excited and terrified to get your critique. One of the design points I struggled with was whether or not to limit the uses per day. In the end I decided against it because I figured keeping track of what ailments where on the buddy and the player was way more complicated than I wanted. Never crossed my mind that a player wouldn't be trustworthy to keep track actually... I will take that as a wonderful compliment on the group of people I game with! (and note that possibility in the future)
I was hoping that the fact that the buddy could die vicariously would balance out the power (it can only take so much poison), but it seems I overestimated that. I was also hanging my hat on my writing and visuals. Back to the drawing board, I have some work to do.
Thank you so much for your feedback, I really appreciate it! I can definitely use this to improve.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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56) Resonant Tines
The Good: Name is straight up awesome and I like sound based items.
The Bad: DC is way to high for price and effect, overpowered.
The Ugly: It's a tuning fork with obvious effects. Give em a twist on ear-piercing scream, or have it only effect ghosts and haunts something other then a SIAC with a power boost.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. Naming is hard but the core idea here needed more work I am sorry to say.
Thanks for the review. Glad you liked the name.
The DC I placed high as it is a short lived effect (1-4 rounds) with a recurring save with a decreasing DC (DC 20, 18, 16, and 14, respectively, if the max duration is attained), but yeah, I can see your point on that one. With the 2nd level spell being used, I probably should have placed the DC at 17 or 15 (which would have the 3rd or 2nd save be at level for the spell level).
I do have to argue the Spell In A Can claim though. The effects from the item are not duplicated spell effects. The spell sound burst is a straight up damage inducing spell. If I went with the tines inflicting sonic damage, yes, it would be a SIAC. Instead, I went the route of the sonic force being transformed into different effects from those of the spell used in its creation. The effects are still sonic in nature, but as they do not duplicate the effects of the spell used in creation it isn't a SIAC.
Thanks for the review; I'll definitely pay closer attention to the DC element.
Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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35) Glaring mask
Funny thing is, the first draft of the talent I made in my campaign (the item was a reworking of that talent) actually worked using Intimidate.
I changed the Talent to DC based on charisma because the bonus became too god for a campaign free talent.
I opted for a fixed DC in the item because, browsing the core items seems like the standard. You rarely see variable DCs in Magic items in general, and often when you see them is based on the builder, not on the wearer.
So I felt that for the sake of consistency I had to go for a fixed DC as well.
The item is indeed a shy attempt. I noticed the contest open on the last week, and it was a busy week. So I literally reduced myself on working on the item a few hours before the deadline.
I preferred to go for a cool concept (stopping charges with a glare) and making the item as clean and simple as possible avoiding every potential oversight.
I knew that raised the possibility to not be "Superstar enough" by I already tried to go crazy while in a hurry 2 years ago and I assure you ... that wasn't pretty.
The name is kinda bland, I do agree.
I don't want to say that I intended to be bland, just intended to remain modest, again for the sake of consistency.
When I see at the core wondrous items, masks in particular, I read names like Miser's mask, Stalker's Mask, Mask of the Krenshar.
I wanted to do something that felt just at home in the core list of items as a Low level item. Something simple, yet unique. By your and other comments I think I nailed it. It just wasn't enough, and I also had a few issues with the format.
Thanks for the review.
I hope I will finally remember the contest in advance next time, so I can work a little more on a good item and I promise, It will be more daring
RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
aka Arkos
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37) Sun Wukong's Puzzle Box
Thanks for the feedback! Mad monkeys is one of those spells that is amazing and silly all at the same time, so I don't mind it being both a Good and a Bad.
And holy cow, great work on this epic thread of critique! I'll certainly send you a PM once this whole thing calms down.
49) Orb of Supplicants' Shadows
The Good: I loved and hated this item. The mark of good writing is the reaction it evokes, so kudos to you on that. Good call on the linking and I like you took risks by going mythic.
The Bad: Evil is a tough design space in an open vote, the drawback will lose you some of the min max vote.
The Ugly: I'm not sure a healing power is a good trade for the mythic expenditure, it should also do restoration. Price seems really low for the level of awesome-sauce you're doling out even if its a little niche.
Overall: 5 stars- I liked this item a lot. If it wasn't in my top 32 it was because there were items I liked a little better and the pricing seems off. I'd offer you 3PP work right now except for the last line of your feedback post...
Thank you very kindly for this review.
If you mind taking a question, what would you price this as?
Boots, Tower
The Bad: It's hard but you can jump with stilts... Its a little stupid but it can be done.
The Ugly: Sorry to say formatting is your bane here... Feet are ft. for example. I also would have loved to see a kicking option with these.
Overall: 2 stars- lowering middling because of formatting issues. This was a cool idea that fell down on execution. If you do not have a writing circle, find one and practice up for next year.
Stiltwalkers in the house! Thanks for the review, and although you can jump with drywall (maybe) or spring loaded stilts, I figured that not many people can jump - as in the game skill - using peg stilts. That aside, I was worried about the formatting issue after some comments on the Voter's Incessant Ramble, and agree that was probably my downfall. I think your idea of adding an attack option would have definitely kicked it up a notch.
So other than utilizing the players in my gaming group as a writer's circle - and drawing on your experience in the industry - do you have alternate ideas on how to connect with people who would be interested in sharing writing? It also seems a little counter intuitive to share your design ideas with others, but I guess you just share your secondary ideas to practice the writing, correct? Thanks again, I really appreciate your feedback!
58) Chillforge Stein
The Good: This might have been my favorite plot item. Tight design meets cool idea.
The Bad: I'm not wild about the chilling power that masks the other power.
The Ugly: Its a cool SIAC but still a little but SIAC.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling. If someone sent me this as a freelancer they would get my attention for sure.
59) Stormtide Jar
The Good: You picked an under designed space that would be welcome in an under water or ship heavy campaign. Formatting on point.
The Bad: pottery under water...
The Ugly: There's some clarity issues, like can this be used on the ocean or underwater? Intent seems to be land use which is a little weird.
Overall: 3 stars- middling. At the end of the day this is an amped up hydrolic push with damage.
60) Coeurl Domino
The Good: This is clearly meant for a rogue which is a good choice. I like the name and the concept.
The Bad: Take a shot every time you use wearer in the entry and you'll get trashed.
The Ugly: Too many powers and the inky black look is overblown this is from a fellow shadow item.
Overall: 2 stars- this isn't quite so bad as I'd cull it, you just need a little more editing.
61) Cloak of Adamantine Chains
The Good: Cool name, powers are useful, and I like the kyton feel of it.
The Bad: steps on a weapon and an armor.
The Ugly: 100 feet of adamantine chains is WAY more then 20 lbs.
Overall: 3 stars- middling. You went for superstar just went a little far in spots.
62) Clarion Cymbals
The Good: The alliteration doesn't bother me here, I like its an instrument that takes up a slot, its formatted correctly and the language is clear.
The Bad: boring skill bonus.
The Ugly: So you stun your friends too which is a fairly large issue. Its unclear if the wearer is also stunned. Bonus to rolling a 20 should have been cut.
Overall: 3- middling. There's elements I like and elements I do not, its a fine first effort.
63) Tatiana’s Turtle Tureen
The Good: You're very original, I'll give this entry that and its formatted well.
The Bad: Here is an example of forced annoying alliteration in a title.
The Ugly: Resist the urge to write back story into the item. Am I wrong to say this is basically a portable oven that doubles quantity? I ask because its unclear what imprinting the food does.
Overall: 1 star- Cullable. When its unclear what the item does, that it mostly seems to cook soup and it has a silly alliterative name it should not survive the cull. This may seem harsh but you can do better.
64) Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress
The Good: Unique concept, all the benefits of armor no drawbacks, written well, and format on point.
The Bad: it's complicated
The Ugly: The number of ways this can be abused... No mention of arcane failure or restricting casters is the first issue. No mention of say taking your new armor clothing and wearing another suit of armor on top stacking AC and abilities.
Overall: 2 stars- cool idea but lacked some restraint in execution I down voted it consistently. I know some loved it but I couldn;t see past the potential abuses.
65) Fury Powder
The Good: If this wasn't a top 100 item it shoulda been. I loved this one.
The Bad: I kind of wanted one more power adding it to beer and getting a rage potion out of it.
The Ugly: you didn't showcase much in the sparse word count presented.
Overall: 4.5 stars- just a little outside top 32 for me. Nice job!
66) Astral Spike
The Good: I like a spike that prevents teleportation of any kind so cool idea.
The Bad: Also functions as a kitchen sink...
The Ugly: I count 4-5 powers the keeps are the first one and the banishment one the rest does not belong. Its also under priced even with just those two powers.
Overall: 2 stars- cool idea poor restraint lower middling for me.
67) Icicle of the Frozen Waste
The Good: I like the cold theme but less then obvious method of going about it. I like the Goleran tie in.
The Bad: The first power is a little hard to grasp the text needs more clarity.
The Ugly: Boiling water doesn't make sense for the second application and could seriously be dropped from the first.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. The muddy language in the first power hurt your score with me.
68) Venicaan Lantern
The Good: I like that its a lantern that mounts to a staff and I like the breath of life extension and the entire mechanic there.
The Bad: The name sucks.
The Ugly: EMS- if you want me to take an item seriously as a voter do not make a pun like this. The entire first line on the description would improve the item by being cut.
Overall: 2.5 stars- lower end of middling. The pun cost you but this isn't a superstar item at its best (healing items rarely are.) I'd put it in an equipment guide for sure.
69) Witchbane Glove
The Good: Creative design space and you deliver on the promise you item's name makes.
The Bad: cool I'll wear a sequined glove on the other hand.
The Ugly: My item screws this class very specifically and all other spell casting classes in a more general manner for the low low price of 5,500...
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. Its dangerous to alienate a class with your design, you risk alienating a voter who loves that class. The mechanic would be fine if it remained solely defensive the addition of throwing the magic back took it into eye rollingly familiar territory.
70) Tactician’s Go-Ke
The Good: I can see the utility of pushing folk around the battlefield. Writing and formats are fine.
The Bad: Breached the real world fantasy wall.
The Ugly: Were we playing Go? Because I wanted to play pathfinder. When it was speculated this would make top 32 I wanted to say something because I knew you were being set up for a let down, I downvoted this almost every time I saw it and I made Marathon by day 3. Rereading it I like it slightly better then I treated it but that first line irked me a great deal during voting.
Overall: 3 stars- in retrospect this is middling, during voting I felt differently. Obviously other voters felt differently,
71) Dragon Skin Cloak
The Good: Dragons are a major part of the appeal of fantasy so good call there. I like you used a charge limit.
The Bad: energy protection is predictable
The Ugly: I can feel you trying to find a way to work this into a breath weapon but not being able to justify it.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Predictable isn't bad it just isn't superstar.
Hey GM, looks like Rysky's Lantern of Solace slipped through the cracks between #45 and #46.
I'll fix that soon
So other than utilizing the players in my gaming group as a writer's circle - and drawing on your experience in the industry - do you have alternate ideas on how to connect with people who would be interested in sharing writing? It also seems a little counter intuitive to share your design ideas with others, but I guess you just share your secondary ideas to practice the writing, correct? Thanks again, I really appreciate your feedback!
I've come by quite a few industry contacts through various social networks. Google plus community has a great game designer's network for example.
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*snip*
44) Circlet of Substantial Foresight
The Good: Divination that fabricates an item that will be useful in the near future is a cool plot item concept. Formatting is sound.
The Bad: Depending on the items manufactured this is prolly typically under priced.
The Ugly: Wall of text.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. I have a hard time getting excited about this as a voter. Plot items are not Superstar and the competition was really good this year
*snip*
Thanks for taking the time to review GM_Solspiral (you too mamaursula!) I think this is fair. I'd like to understand "wall of text"? I think it means I was too wordy (which I would not be surprised as I've been told that before.) Add some additional curiosity since I seem to be the only one afforded that particular "ugly". :-)
Definitely learned a lot from my first foray into RPG S*. Looking forward to contests in 2014 and beyond.
Cheers,
MM
from page 2
72) Lantern of Solace
The Good: You committed to the theme well and executed it with a remarkable word economy. Powers don;t scream OP, formatting is fine.
The Bad: Disrupting the undead should cancel the hide undead effect at least for the target.
The Ugly: Makes it easy to bipass an obstacle which is a no no in my book.
Overall: 3 stars- middling. I don;t love or hate this.
back to page 4
73) Vinculum Vests
The Good: The powers are well balanced, the writing is clear adn you avoided the wall of text.
The Bad: you bolded where it is improper to bold, also This, every time your item came up...
The Ugly: The intro paragraph about how great everyone looks in their matching sweater vests was often where you lost me. Stick to the facts and avoid hyperbole.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Sharing one's saves is ok and the aid another bonus was nice.
74) Imp Stone
The Good: I like that you can use it as a whetstone, I like the detect drawback, I like the general utility and it's adherence to theme.
The Bad: you surely see the formatting error in the bottom line, 24 hr attunement DRINK.
The Ugly: Its a bit of a SAK and that can be hard to vote for. I think there was a similar item to this out there as well.
Overall: 3.5- upper end of the middle for me. I have a weakness for magic whetstones.
75) Treestrider’s Satchel
The Good: You managed to both avoid the obvious and make a really original storage container!
The Bad: If it ain't broke don't fix it.
The Ugly: Flavorful but like why wouldn't I just stick to a bag of holding over this.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me despite what I'm going to say next. Here is what I'd do with you item... Evil druid learns alchemy and starts "storing" vials of oil of impact in trees near a logging camp.
76) Jingasa of Steadfast Defense
The Good: Love the name and the description of this item.
The Bad: you made me google jingasa!
The Ugly: So this is niche in a controversial class. It's a public vote some people are going to hate it soly fro being a gunslinger item.
Overall: This was like a top 100 item for me 4.5 stars. Pm me if you want to try gunslinger archetypes.
77) Ashen Ka Shabti
The Good: Neat idea, its basically an urn you can make someone choke on...
The Bad: Name isn't my favorite feels Hebrew which breaks that real world wall.
The Ugly: Its a little bit monster in a can.
Overall: 4.5 stars- Really close to top 32 for me. Your choice to alter existing monster statistics, make it a consumable you hesitate to consume... just well done. PM me if you like working class crunch or want to network.
78) Reanimating Battle Bones
The Good: I like the Goleran ties for this one and the kill something and get your flesh back mechanic. Your writing is actually pretty on point.
The Bad: 9k is cheap for an item that can resurrect you.
The Ugly: This becomes useless at a certain point because you will be facing opponents that will waste you as a skeletal champion thus just making it harder for your friends to resurrect you.
Overall: 1 star for me. You did an excellent execution on a seriously flawed concept. Items that activate after death are meta-gamey basically characters should think they are either beyond a challenge or buy items they feel will prevent death. Just my 2 copper.
79) Fire sculptors gloves
The Good: I pegged these as top 32 material figuring they would be popular with the voters.
The Bad: price is too low for the power level
The Ugly: The sculpting it into a fire creature is the cool part of this, spark is fine I think I'd lose the charge mechanic.
Overall: 5 stars- despite its flaws the fire sculpting was really a favorite bit of mine made me think you'd make top 32. PM me if you don;t already command better then $0.01 a word, but you prolly do...
80) Medallion of the Nine Spheres
The Good: I really dug how this interacts with pearls of power, mechanics are tight and you clearly have talent.
The Bad: Name is a little boring for what it does.
The Ugly: The ioun stone bit seems unnecessary to me. An item that has no function without another item also seems sketchy.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. This is clearly good, its jut not top 32 good. I'd print it if a freelancer sent it to me on a project though. PM me if you don;t already command better then $0.01 a word, but you prolly do...
END PAGE 4... that was a lot of items!
Thanks for taking the time to review GM_Solspiral (you too mamaursula!) I think this is fair. I'd like to understand "wall of text"? I think it means I was too wordy (which I would not be surprised as I've been told that before.) Add some additional curiosity since I seem to be the only one afforded that particular "ugly". :-)Definitely learned a lot from my first foray into RPG S*. Looking forward to contests in 2014 and beyond.
Cheers,
MM
These are very stream of conscious reviews. Wall of text is when you don;t break things up into paragraphs after being wordy.
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These are very stream of conscious reviews. Wall of text is when you don;t break things up into paragraphs after being wordy.
Thanks for taking the time to review GM_Solspiral (you too mamaursula!) I think this is fair. I'd like to understand "wall of text"? I think it means I was too wordy (which I would not be surprised as I've been told that before.) Add some additional curiosity since I seem to be the only one afforded that particular "ugly". :-)Definitely learned a lot from my first foray into RPG S*. Looking forward to contests in 2014 and beyond.
Cheers,
MM
Thanks!
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Dude, thank you. I can't say it enough: you people rock.
This ties into the "it's complicated" issue you correctly pointed out, but am I incorrect in thinking that "the item slots of the armor are utilized while wearing the outfit" negates the stacking armor issue? (This is meant as a technical question, not as an arguement against the fact that it wasn't clear. Just want to make sure I have the rule right).
Thanks again.
So the out fit then would take up both the chest slot and armor slot... chest slots and armor slots are different. I did glaze over that in three readings. I think the problem is that to simply the wording you'd need actually more words to clarify, pushing you outside the 300. The mind is still wrapping around the previous sentence as you read the new one.
I'll beating myself up when we get to page six for sure, as my own item is over complicated which is an issue I had last year as well.
from page 2
75) Treestrider’s Satchel
The Good: You managed to both avoid the obvious and make a really original storage container!
The Bad: If it ain't broke don't fix it.
The Ugly: Flavorful but like why wouldn't I just stick to a bag of holding over this.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me despite what I'm going to say next. Here is what I'd do with you item... Evil druid learns alchemy and starts "storing" vials of oil of impact in trees near a logging camp.
That is a really good point, and one I have gotten from several reviewers thus far. I really hadn't considered that the existing container items are already superb, so trying to squeeze into that niche was a long shot. I'm glad that the flavor got me into the to 100, though, so next year I'll direct my ideas towards a new (and hopefully unexplored) facet of the game.
Thank you all for your insightful critiques, this contest has been one of the most impressive learning experiences I've ever had in my time as a writer!
81) Coil of Ionic Inversion
The Good: What this does is clear despite the sci-fi babble aspect of it. Price is on point as is formatting.
The Bad: "who you gonna call? GHOST BUSTERS"
The Ugly: You're breaking what I'm calling the fantasy wall. Cariac arrest is what will to completely aside form the idea that this is a taser or proton pack. It also borders on being a weapon to me.
Overall: 2 stars- Its on the border of DQ territory for the weapon-like function.
82) Cilice of Shared Suffering
The Good: Balanced mechanics, interesting concept.
The Bad: I google imaged Cilice...
The Ugly: It evokes BDSM and Flagellants to mind, makes it really hard to vote for.
Overall: 3 stars- middling. I did not see this past the cull and it is mechanically sound. I suspect I'm not the only one that had a problem with the mental imagery.
83) Skeleton Orb
The Good: This has two very cool if somewhat niche utilities.
The Bad: DC on that reflex save? You have plenty of word space for it.
The Ugly: 800gp... I get its consumable but that won;t stop a 12th level necromancer from having 30 of these. Sweet 30 extra minions I can control easy peasy. Am I in trouble better drop ALL of THEM.
Overall: 3 stars, middling for me. The price makes this a serious power balance issue, as does a lack of limits on how many can be carried and still have an extra minion effect.
84) Mantle of Butterflies
The Good: Well written, I like the effects, flavor, and balance.
The Bad: aren't mantles typically on the shoulders?
The Ugly: Would need errata. Does my rain of frogs spell eat your mantle of butterflies?
Overall: 4 stars - Upper middling for me. You made top 100 so the voters felt differently but I guess it prolly hurt your item reminded me of Anthony Adams practice item...
85) Fierani Fletching Hoop
The Good: Unique item, memorable, I like that its a crafting item with some teeth.
The Bad: this had soem formatting errors you've corrected here but were glaring in the voting.
The Ugly: I'm taking 3 months off from adventuring to make 90 bane arrows, best 4,200 gold purchase ever!
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. I can forgive the formatting error but the game balance issue is bad. APs like kingmaker can have downtime that lasts for years...
I'm out of steam I'll finish up page 5 tomorrow... good night
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9
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GM, thanks for the excellent feedback on my ashen ka shabti.
I agree the name is foreign sounding. Ka is the ancient Egyptian word for the shadow of one's soul, and a shabti is the small satues Egyptians buried in their tombs for when the interred reached the afterlife. The statues had prayers form the Book of the Dead inscribed on them in order to summon forth slaves and other workers the entombed had in life in order to carry out their duties in the afterlife. I had other names, but this one fit the best for me and those who I had read it over. Also, PM sent, I am definitely interested in what you have to say.
Thanks again.
52) Cloak of Synthetic Infinity
The Good: This item is cool as heck, I love the idea of wearing a localized nebula, writing is quite solid.
The Bad: Price is way too low.
The Ugly: You nailed it, the last power doesn't work for me. If you give me localized space I want more than damage I want reverse gravity or something.
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling for me. Edit the last power with an effect that ties better to the concept and raise the heck out of the price or drop the last power entirely. If you have a blog or something PM me the webaddress I'll look at more of your stuff for sure.
Wow, thanks! I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, I definitely had some trouble with the pricing. Thanks again for the review. I don't have a blog or anything (yet), but I am interested in getting into game design (obviously), so is it alright if I PM you anyway?
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Star Voter Season 7
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62) Clarion Cymbals
The Good: The alliteration doesn't bother me here, I like its an instrument that takes up a slot, its formatted correctly and the language is clear.
The Bad: boring skill bonus.
The Ugly: So you stun your friends too which is a fairly large issue. Its unclear if the wearer is also stunned. Bonus to rolling a 20 should have been cut.
Overall: 3- middling....
Thank you, I'm glad you liked the general idea. I agree I went a bit to far, I was trying to make use of my word count. I'll find a different way next year, lol. I've definitely got room for improvement, especially since I'll have more than a few months of RPG experience under my belt next year.
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
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85) Fierani Fletching Hoop
The Good: Unique item, memorable, I like that its a crafting item with some teeth.
The Bad: this had soem formatting errors you've corrected here but were glaring in the voting.
The Ugly: I'm taking 3 months off from adventuring to make 90 bane arrows, best 4,200 gold purchase ever!
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. I can forgive the formatting error but the game balance issue is bad. APs like kingmaker can have downtime that lasts for years...
I wish to thank you for your honesty ... a couple issues. I had lost my only copy of my item and needed The Keeper of Lists send me a copy ... I knew of my couple of formatting errors and while I was at it I did change that error. ... it bugged me.
As for your UGLY comment, I think you missed the final line of text in the item. I created this item as a daily use item, ALL arrows either created or enchanted by the hoop that were not used during the day of that creation reverted back to their original state.
So ... an owner of this item cannot stockpile BANE arrows or stacks of arrows.
It was meant to be an item that served the user as an emergency supply of ammunition or give some ammunition a little punch. My idea came from the Vietnam era US Ranger Long Range Recon Patrol ... and I converted an item that would allow say an elven ranger of the Fierani forest able to stay in contact with a tracked enemy without having to break-off and re-arm.
Thanks again ... I plan on getting better.
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@ Daethor go ahead.
@ everyone:
Someone in another thread mentioned feeling unqualified to critique. I do this partly because its a way to give back to the community, partly as talent scouting this year, and partly because critiquing the work of others teaches me.
If you want to be a writer, write. Expressing your opinion is practice. Expressing what you liked, and didn't like is practice and you learn more about your voice to boot.
You do not have to go crazy with it like I do but it is a good learning experience.
Thanks again ... I plan on getting better.
"Any arrows created or enchanted by the hoop that are not used the day they were created will revert to its original state."
Ok you are correct I totally missed that. Make the review a 3 star. The replacement ugly would be that this is a fine utility item but crafting items aren't going to make you a superstar. If you learned something by the experience then you are already better then when you started.
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38) Bucket Hat
The Good: Sleep hex is very powerful, a counter to it is a good idea.
The Bad: The name was a bad choice for me.
The Ugly: It's hard to get specific but this was an item that failed to think out all the right effects in execution. a bucket fo water triggered by sleep spells and hexes is cool but what if that character is on fire, no water then?
The name "bucket hat" is a play on words, it isn't just a hat that's a bucket, it's also an actual bucket hat (i.e. one of these: http://headstarthats.co.uk/images/Beige-and-White-Bucket-Hat.jpg ). I must admit, I didn't know that these hats were known as bucket hats until I did a bit of research.
If you want to see the actual item it's here: http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9&page=6?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item -thread#283
Richard
84) Mantle of Butterflies
The Good: Well written, I like the effects, flavor, and balance.
The Bad: aren't mantles typically on the shoulders?
The Ugly: Would need errata. Does my rain of frogs spell eat your mantle of butterflies?
Overall: 4 stars - Upper middling for me. You made top 100 so the voters felt differently but I guess it prolly hurt your item reminded me of Anthony Adams practice item...
Thanks so much for the feedback! I thought mantles were shoulder items too (they were in 3.5), but page 459 of the Core Rulebook says mantles are chest items.
I don't get the Anthony Adams reference.
The item summons butterflies, it doesn't become butterflies, and the summoned swarm is treated as a normal swarm with 40hp, so your "rain of frogs" effect would affect the butterflies normally.
Anyway, thanks again!
FYI - This is referring to my Worked Example Thread which was using a swarm of butterfly theme for the item.
The items are different, they just have similar imagery.
If you want to see the actual item it's here: http://paizo.com/threads/rzs2qkn9&page=6?2014-Critique-my-Wondrous-Item -thread#283
@richard the addendum would be this:
Good- same, Bad- Is a favorite of... DRINK, Ugly- Niche in a way that isn't thought out. the bucket hat should solve any problem 2 buckets of water can solve in a hurry. Are you on fire- not anymore thanks bucket hat. In a dessert sun and getting dehydrated- Impossible you have the bucket hat. Take it off and say a command word and take a drink.Overall- Use your word count more wisely. I'm not say go SAK but take the logical leaps your design presents.
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The point of the hat though is that it triggers automatically since you're hardly going to be able to speak a command word when you're being put to sleep. The other uses of the hat that you mention don't *require* that, however adding the ability to use a command word to make it work is certainly an idea.
Richard