Good, Bad, and Ugly Critiques


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Scarab Sages Marathon Voter Season 7

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steelhead wrote:
It also seems a little counter intuitive to share your design ideas with others, but I guess you just share your secondary ideas to practice the writing, correct? Thanks again, I really appreciate your feedback!

I would advise you not to be overly proprietary with your designs. Collaboration tends to make game design better, not worse; and most creative types aren't going to "steal" your ideas. If they are truly creative, they have ideas of their own. What you will tend to find is that the mutual feedback creates new ideas.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

ARGG lost like 5 reviews to a browser crash!!

86) Spellsnaring Canvas
The Good: This is actually a fairly cool little utility item prepared spellcasters would love.
The Bad: Utility items typically aren't superstar
The Ugly: Between the name and the bit about the spells effects being imprinted, I misread this initially as having negated the spell which was a no no. This impresses that word choice can have unintended consequences. Ideally people read things carefully, cray marathon voters might not remember to do better then skim at 2am when the promise themselves they will vote just 2-3 more times then go to bed.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling. I can see this in an equipment guide or something like it but not as a superstar item.

87) Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating
The Good: I can see why this made top 100 it was cool to see an earth themed hand slot item and the mechanics are fairly well balanced and theatrical.
The Bad: Should either be 5 total charges or 3 of each power, this 10 total charges means you'll otherwise almost never run out destroying the point of a charge mechanic.
The Ugly: Warning do not drink a liquid for the next line... The visual I get for the second power is that you fondle/finger the earth and it ahem elevates you in a 5ft column. Description includes pistons which is also phallic and associates with internal combustion engine breaking that fantasy wall you shouldn't avoid breaking.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. Not trying to get a rise out of you but between the sexy-wexy imagry and the charge mechanic this was more like the bottom of the upper class for me. Congrats on top 100 though, a few edited choices and wow.

88) Gloves of Mercurial Synthesis
The Good: Superstar idea but you got ninjaed by a slightly better execution in the top 32.
The Bad: I would have stuck with cold iron and silver.
The Ugly: Ok so this is awesome for monks and nat attack builds but the other one (quicksilver gauntlers...) extended it into a weapon. IF your two executions had a baby the child would be an instant classic item as is both lack a little luster in the light of the other.
Overall: 4.5 stars- Just a little outside. You'd make my top 100, these were well done.

89) Bauble of the Weeping Fey
The Good: Unique idea and interesting utility.
The Bad: Someone took Lucky's eye for cereal hording?
The Ugly: Ok so this is an item that lets me tell if I'm perceived by dazzling me and making one of my eye's glow, bet they really see me now.
Overall: 1 star- cullable. The idea is sound but the execution fell down hard. The drawback out weighs the benefit since you can only tell if one creature perceives you, and fairy fire makes you glow so the answer is they do now...

90) Flawed Pictograms Eat Stuff Much
The Good: I love goblins and dearly wanted to love this.
The Bad: Flawed naming of grammar conventions.
The Ugly: You take a looong paragraph to get to the powers and that paragraph makes me less likely to continue reading. When we get there it becomes SAK.
Overall: 1 star - cullable. You had a cool plot item but it was executed poorly out of the context of a flavorful adventure's text. These missteps cost you. Some serious editing would make this an interesting utility item at best.

91) Trickster’s Calling Card
The Good: I love tricksters and wanted this to be a clever slap in the face kind of item. You designed in a beloved space.
The Bad: A rogue could buy this or paint graffiti the paint is cheaper by far.
The Ugly: The police would buy these and make suspects use them, since it identifies with the trickster's unique personality they now have your magical finger print.
Overall: 1 star- This was cullable in my book. Not only is it solving a problem that doesn't exist (how do I taunt victims better) and in fact creates new ones.

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Marathon Voter Season 7

First, thanks for doing critiques. It's a lot of work.

I understand why you disliked my item, and that's fine. I want to make sure misunderstanding on that doesn't get in the way of my question here. You gave the Gloves of Mecurial Synthesis a 4.5 and said that the Quicksilver gloves were even better. What makes you like them? They seem unimaginative and mechanically uninteresting to me. To the authors of said items, it's obvious the community liked your items and you can't win over everyone. I'm sorry to call you out, but I'm honestly trying to understand a prevailing opinion in the community.

Finally, I recommend to you that you don't refer to 1 star items as cullable. A 1 star rating conveys your opinion on the item fine; saying it is cullable seems unnecessarily harsh considering the bottom 20% of items are generally extremely poorly written with no attention paid to either the rules or formatting. By saying this you're also taking away the one victory some might have had in this contest in their item not being culled. I personally have thicker skin than that, but I think you'll unnecessarily discourage people.

RPG Superstar 2014 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 7 aka devilfluff

GM_Solspiral wrote:

**snip

88) Gloves of Mercurial Synthesis
The Good: Superstar idea but you got ninjaed by a slightly better execution in the top 32.
The Bad: I would have stuck with cold iron and silver.
The Ugly: Ok so this is awesome for monks and nat attackbut the other one (quicksilver gauntlers...) extended it into a weapon. IF your two executions had a baby the child would be an instant classic item as is both lack a little luster in the light of the other.
Overall: 4.5 stars- Just a little outside. You'd make my top 100, these were well done.

I actually kicked around letting the quicksilver gloves make unarmed attacks bypass damage reduction, but dropped it to avoid overpowering the item. Maybe that would have been an improvement... I appreciate the insight and parallel thought process. :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

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Start PAGE 6

I'm not gentle... its good for you.
92) Ever Beating Heart
The Good: If I'm getting this right this is a way to keep someone from death after the get past negative damage in excess of their con, you point the "heart ray" and keep it beating, that's very useful.
The Bad: I just did a better job describing what your item does then you did.
The Ugly: Know thine market. Healing items do not play well with voters, I feel like there was a way to attack with this but that was muddy. Feels like a draft that you needed another pair of eyes on.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. Join a writing circle like the Blazing 9 they will help you get better, I see a little potential but it needs some practice and nurturing.

93) Shadowmancer’s Heart
The Good: Another cool shadow item that had a lot going for it.
The Bad: Italicize spells, I'm unclear if this only functions to sorcs with shadow bloodline.
The Ugly: Do I get my negative levels back when the shadows dissipate or are destroyed? Strict reading says I do not.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling. Could be more of a contender but the drawback is too severe. Edges on the border of being an SAK which I forgive for it's general coolness.

94) Teapot of Potion Mixture
The Good: Alchemy is a fun design space and I like how it breaks the rules a little.
The Bad: Predictable design, I knew the gist of what this was going to do by reading the name.
The Ugly: Quadruple the price. Seriously, divides potion durations and mixes them which dramatically alters action economy. I'll just drink 1 super potion and get 3 effects and so will everyone else in the party...
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. Execution and ideas are mostly fine except for there's a glaring game balance issue.

95) Plague Cake
The Good: Meanest plot item prank ever.
The Bad: missing apostrophe: ship's biscuit
The Ugly: It's not really adventuring gear.
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling. I like this but its a GM item really, not a superstar item. Well written and solid execution though.

96) Shadow Archer’s Gage
The Good: I tang to play tag with a pair of these. Interesting utility, fun visuals.
The Bad: missing a "the", shadow item- DRINK
The Ugly: First power was an afterthought to tie in the word gage a little better, last power should be cut in favor of clarifying and strengthening the 3rd power.
Overall: 5 stars- Yeah I'm biased but I think this really was top 32 material. Injured by a glut of shadow items in the top 100 and some tossed in choices that should have been cut. I maintain the image of a shadow not matching its owner and the owner with a shield and empty hand firing arrows is cool as sh*t.

97) Akene Amulet
The Good: I emphatically loved the crap out of this and it was in my top 32.
The Bad: up to 4 people can blow on this activates my inner Andrew Dice Clay though.
The Ugly: I would like to have seen a sickening power or something... 30 ft cone of you get an allergy attack might have pushed this up that extra step.
Overall: 5 stars- seriously I felt you were one of about 7-8 items that were robbed. PM me if you want to freelance, I'll give you a shot at some archetypes.

98) Lens of Forceful Concordance
The Good: You're a unique little snowflake I'll give you that.
The Bad: Clunky "so called" wording.
The Ugly: The game balance issues are rampant. I can hit up to 6 targets with a ray or save how about a death effect? got lucky and targets the worst save in the group guess they all die then!
Overall: 1 star- Cullable. Clunky wording I can forgive, severe game balance issues I cannot.

99) Gloves of Suspended Arcana
The Good: Balanced choices mechanically. Text is clear and its formatted properly.
The Bad: Price too low for what a magus could do with a pair of these.
The Ugly: Spartian wording means the execution better be perfect. Description of the look is lacking and falls into the runes trope.
Overall: 4 stars- Upper middling for me. Pricing balance issue and not showing enough of your writing cost you.

100) TORC OF TERRAN TRANSFORMATION
The Good: I dig on Terrans and I get you ascetic here.
The Bad: Torc trope -DRINK, Alliteration -DRINK
The Ugly: For starters why not just have the character turn into an earth elemental for X number of rounds. 11 minutes that need not be consecutive is not a meaningful restriction at all. OP especially for the price... all those immunities should not be assessable for that little GP, without looking at a chart I'm guessing affordable but like 6th level... crazy.
Overall: 1 star- cullable. Pretty sure it was, voters are not kind to game balance issues.

101) Green Thumb
The Good: I like plant items and this one showed some creativity in the mechanics so kudos for that.
The Bad: Real world colloquial expressions shouldn't be your name
The Ugly: Steal didn't make sense to me and entangle like effects and plant growth like effects are quickly becoming a contest trope.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me.

I covered Bucket hat already...

102) Somen Mask of Shinjitsu
The Good: No game balance issues, plays around in Tian territory which is cool, and I like its a samurai mask
The Bad: Really not feeling the name.
The Ugly: A skill bonuis and save bonus is not going to win you superstar, and I'd pay 3k gp for this max.
Overall: 2 stars- Lower middling for me. To be blunt its a little forgettable. Practically lost me by end of 1st line.

103) Fleshless Shroud
The Good: This would be the bees knees in a Walking undead type of game. I like that you detect as undead as well that was a nice touch and the writing is genuinely solid.
The Bad: requirement spells are off, I'd go with the spell that make you invis to undead.
The Ugly: You're not going to make superstar by making the hero more able to avoid combat.
Overall: 3 stars- middling to me. I was Meh about this and voted based on it's opponent. Example of an extremely well executed uninteresting concept. I'm confident when you come into the right idea you'll give it a Superstar execution so there's that.

104) Bone Snatcher Bracelet
The Good: I like the utility of this and that is grants the wearer absolutely no control over the undead.
The Bad: Warning don't click if you are easily offended your item does this
The Ugly: Monster in a can.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. It's just not exactly innovative design which is what the contest seeks.

105) Crown of the Murder King
The Good: I like you went with the crow version of murder rather then what Cain did to Able.
The Bad: This is what I though about your item's name GAH!
The Ugly: Some clunky choices, simply summoning a swarm of crows that granted concealment would have been more elegant then your last paragraph.
Overall: 3 stars for me- Just middling. I applaud that you went for it and you made soem choices I liked but the name was a non-starter for me.

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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Pandora's wrote:

First, thanks for doing critiques. It's a lot of work.

I understand why you disliked my item, and that's fine. I want to make sure misunderstanding on that doesn't get in the way of my question here. You gave the Gloves of Mecurial Synthesis a 4.5 and said that the Quicksilver gloves were even better. What makes you like them? They seem unimaginative and mechanically uninteresting to me. To the authors of said items, it's obvious the community liked your items and you can't win over everyone. I'm sorry to call you out, but I'm honestly trying to understand a prevailing opinion in the community.

Finally, I recommend to you that you don't refer to 1 star items as cullable. A 1 star rating conveys your opinion on the item fine; saying it is cullable seems unnecessarily harsh considering the bottom 20% of items are generally extremely poorly written with no attention paid to either the rules or formatting. By saying this you're also taking away the one victory some might have had in this contest in their item not being culled. I personally have thicker skin than that, but I think you'll unnecessarily discourage people.

On your first point: it is a great deal of work I should be spending on my blog, or on a project in editing, or on another one I'm selling to KP but I feel I owe this community. Something Clark Peterson said in a thread inspired me to go for it when it came to starting a 3PP. I'm almost all the way there (I publish in a temporary aligned partnership.) My first published work was a blog post on Kobold Press which I looked into because of Wolfgang. Because of Superstar it clicked with me what I want to do, and it's write and publish fantasy and gaming material.

On your item: I was a little harsh at the end there. Sorry, it was because I was getting a little frustrated at the end of that string. I was not a fan of your item but I should have applied a little lube to that Overall section.

On the gloves that let you bipass weapon type DR: Because it solves an annoyance for players. By 5th level or so I'm going to have to keep track of each of my bi-passing DR weapons, their weight and what not. The weapon composition DR that some monsters have doesn't really slow players down so much as it creates more paper work. As a GM I keep track of what my players have so it creates more work for me as well, or I could let my players get a pair of gloves that deal with it and have a few less things to worry about...

On the term Cullable: The point I'm trying to drive with this is that format isn't everything, sometimes its a game balance issue or a serious design flaw and I'm trying to highlight the severity. I'm not out to discourage anyone really, I'm trying to help people get better. Honest actionable detailed feedback from someone with design credits is hard to come by. I will dial that back a little.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka King Tius

@GM_Solspiral: Thanks for the review! I appreciated the clip, especially since I thought you were going to link to this. I prefer to think of my item as a "can for monsters" instead of a "monster in a can" but now that I have been through the competition once I can see how it lacks that superstar pizzazz.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

PAGE 7

106) Cloak of Inversion
The Good: I dig the being able to go 2d gonzo fun effect of this and up voted it a few times. You mechanics were balanced and on point.
The Bad: Duration seems long but since you can only use it once I'm like meh.
The Ugly: Gamers play Legend off Zelda...
Overall: 3 stars- middling. You executed on a great idea from another source, that is not Superstar. If you live under a rock and haven't seen that game it's still something a gamer should be familiar with so no pass on that.

107) Helm of Brass
The Good: Your design shows boldness which I applaud, you had me until the helm was opening rifts.
The Bad: Your bullet points would be regarded as a waste of word count from most publishers as you can merely reference where tto find the planar traits.
The Ugly: Seriously cut that bit with the plane of fire it opens a can of worms in errata, can salamanders come thru? When the rift closes is everything going to be on fire? Does it cause weather shifts due to the sudden infusion of really hot air?
Overall: 3 stars- middling. This becomes more fo a contender with just a little restraint, still nice job.

108) Linebreaker’s Sabatons
The Good: There's a barbarian out there with a "rager" for these.
The Bad: charge mechanic
The Ugly: Linebacker is immediately my association with this. I think awesome blow was a step too far a bullrush bonush would work better IMHO
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling. These had a cool factor but there were so many good items this year that would draw my votes over this.

109) Corsair’s Coir
The Good: I'm not put off by the alliteration, I like the swashbuckery feel of these.
The Bad: Pluralization of the item's user "this allows them to..."
The Ugly: This is what a table id for. I know including a table gets you beat up with some voters but it would separate and provide some clarity to your item's description.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling for me. Small choices in editing would dramatically improve the clarity of your writing. I think you'd benefit greatly with a little more practice in a writer's workshop. This was a cool idea but the execution was a little lack-luster. It was not bad by any means but not stand out good either.

110) Aberrant Eye
The Good: Your writing is really solid. Text is clear and evocative which is the hard part.
The Bad: Eye item- DRINK
The Ugly: Tough love time, 6 sentences to describe what your item looks like 9 before we get a real effect. 12 sentences before we get to the interesting effect... You're entry was 13 sentences.
Overall: 4 stars- These had a cool factor but you are a little to verbose with description and sparse on effect clarity.

111) Harbinger's Knock
The Good: I f**king loved this. Knock, knock- open door to some intimidated monsters, or better compel a dungeon beasty to unlock the door for you...
The Bad: +8 to intimidate is excessive, go +5.
The Ugly: If anything screamed to be glove these did. Your description of the knocker was a little ho-hum which I easily forgave.
Overall: 5 stars- despite my quibbles I'd totally work with you, Pm me if you want to network.

112) The Frosting Sheath
The Good: I like sheaths they are a cool design space, your item description worked well, and I'm partial to cold items.
The Bad: Avoid cliches like chilled to the bone.
The Ugly: You fell into the drawback trap, what if I have a ring of warmth? Or I'm undead?
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Make the wearer able to stab the ground and make it icy, or chill someone's armor or weapon and this is a cool bit as is it's kind of ho-hum.

113) Dwarven Songwood
The Good: I like the concept of a magic item that can be used to make a large quantity of temporary magic items that was fairly cool.
The Bad: fell into the crusted with runes trope
The Ugly: Ok so apparently some people like a book you can read on a long plane ride stretched into 3 movies. Do I need to say its way obvious this is a riff on The Hobbit? If someone missed it you even borrowed the ability of his elvish blade.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Borrowing heavily from a source like that is not going to get you hired by a professional, no one wants to get sued on IP issues or get bad press on IP issues. The entire genre owes Tolkien a debt without a doubt but this is too blatant for my tastes. Sorry that seems harsh but please take that to heart because your mechanics were actually quite original.

114) Marrow of borrowbone (ink set)
The Good: You broke your item description up into bullet point which is totally an excellent choice. I like your formatting.
The Bad: a google search and d20srd search don't tell me what a borrowbone beast is.
The Ugly: Ok so this is about teamwork, you can exchange items and that it. Its a tattoo that lets you swap items with a buddy. I want the time I reread that 3-4 times back.
Overall: 1 star- This item's description is like an inside joke, only the reader isn't on the inside. The drawback only served to make it worse. I suggest networking with other aspiring writers, might help with clarifying your text. The constant references to "borrowbones" detracted so heavily that removing it would make this like 3 stars.

END PAGE 7

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

Quote:

106) Cloak of Inversion

The Good: I dig the being able to go 2d gonzo fun effect of this and up voted it a few times. You mechanics were balanced and on point.
The Bad: Duration seems long but since you can only use it once I'm like meh.
The Ugly: Gamers play Legend off Zelda...
Overall: 3 stars- middling. You executed on a great idea from another source, that is not Superstar. If you live under a rock and haven't seen that game it's still something a gamer should be familiar with so no pass on that.

Which Zelda game is this from? I've played quite a few of them (though mostlyonly the 2D ones, admittedly; played a couple of the 3D ones but didn't care for them) and I don't recognize it at all.

Silver Crusade

Orthos wrote:
Quote:

106) Cloak of Inversion

The Good: I dig the being able to go 2d gonzo fun effect of this and up voted it a few times. You mechanics were balanced and on point.
The Bad: Duration seems long but since you can only use it once I'm like meh.
The Ugly: Gamers play Legend off Zelda...
Overall: 3 stars- middling. You executed on a great idea from another source, that is not Superstar. If you live under a rock and haven't seen that game it's still something a gamer should be familiar with so no pass on that.
Which Zelda game is this from? I've played quite a few of them (though mostlyonly the 2D ones, admittedly; played a couple of the 3D ones but didn't care for them) and I don't recognize it at all.

It's from the new 3DS remake of A link to the Past. I was in no way basing my item off the game, though I can see the similarity. I don't play Zelda games, and the idea that I copied it or should have been aware of it meerly because I play Pathfinder is a little presumptuous. I prefer to think of it as "great minds think alike". :)

That being said, I still appreciate the feedback from the OP, and will endeavor to do better next year.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

I didn't even know there WAS a remake of LTTP. I might have to see about picking that up, that's my favorite Zelda game to this day and I just got a 2DS.

Anyway, as you were. =)

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8 aka Cathara

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Start PAGE 6

95) Plague Cake
The Good: Meanest plot item prank ever.
The Bad: missing apostrophe: ship's biscuit
The Ugly: It's not really...

Thank you! It was a silly grammatical oversight >.> And yeah, it is more of a DM's friend or a specialised rogue item. I love rogues and using distractions like this but it's not something that would get enough love.

Star Voter Season 7

Orthos wrote:
Quote:


114) Marrow of borrowbone (ink set)
The Good: You broke your item description up into bullet point which is totally an excellent choice. I like your formatting.
The Bad: a google search and d20srd search don't tell me what a borrowbone beast is.
The Ugly: Ok so this is about teamwork, you can exchange items and that it. Its a tattoo that lets you swap items with a buddy. I want the time I reread that 3-4 times back.
Overall: 1 star- This item's description is like an inside joke, only the reader isn't on the inside. The drawback only served to make it worse. I suggest networking with other aspiring writers, might help with clarifying your text. The constant references to "borrowbones" detracted so heavily that removing it would make this like 3 stars.

Thanks for the input. This is my first time entering, and I got too wrapped up in creating an entire adventure. I had planned on using Borrow Beasts for my entry in the second round (although it wouldn't have worked after seeing the 500-600 word limit, since they were to have a society and all that...). The adventure would have made the item even cooler, but I thought it would be appealing enough to possibly make it a round or two further. Once you get some cool ideas on how to use an item you've created it's hard to imagine the perspective of someone who does not have those same cool ideas in their head.

Thanks again for the review. Lord willing I will be far more prepared for next year.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

PAGE 8

115) Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser
The Good: I admire your pricing and breakdown into multiple level items, description is good and I mostly get what these do.
The Bad: Fell into the rune trap...
The Ugly: My biggest issue is that I have no idea if the intent is for temporary enchantments or permanent. If it's permanent I assume the strap is consumed or does the runestrap have to remain tied. It's like you forgot text or something.
Overall: 2 stars- the lack of clarity really hurts this.

116) Cloak of the Pestilent Trespasser
The Good: Mechanics make sense and this is intriguing as a plot item.
The Bad: In voter fatigue I sometimes read this as persistent trespasser and got that "Every Breath You Take" in my head.
The Ugly: This is a fine item for evil characters but that alienates a lot of the voters that are going to vote based on what they'd like to see their characters get.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me.

117) Flowerpot of Joyous Revitalization
The Good: I have a character that would so love this from 3 5 because she wields a sentient plant as a weapon...
The Bad: its so niched
The Ugly: Its a SIAC that works on only a very specific subset
Overall: 2 stars- Its not that it's bad, it is just very campaign specific.

118) Robe of Resonance
The Good: You kept it simple tidy and useful.
The Bad: Runes- DRINK
The Ugly: Simple can really work, but there needs to be innovation, this lacks that. It just says that thing you do, now you do MORE.
Overall: 3 stars- This may be the exact center of the contest for me. That doesn't mean it's bad the contest got noticably better this year.

119) Legend Locket
The Good: I like the name.
The Bad: Alliteration- Drink
The Ugly: Ok this is an example of an item that makes things annoying for a GM. What happened again? I don;t remember did you take notes, no. but my magic item says I remember it exactly.
Overall: 2 stars- Memory modification items are a misstep generally.

120) Cylinder of the Lights of the First World
The Good: Solves a problem for you if you have that GM that makes you track every once of weight, ration, and copper.
The Bad: couldn't this fairy fire the target at least?
The Ugly: The better solution is to not game with that GM.
Overall: 3 stars- the name made me want more. This is really awesome if you have "that" GM. I have a house rule that if you carry more then 100 arrow and have the bowyer/fletcher craft skill I do not make you track arrows.

121) Goggles of Dimensional Analysis
The Good: The goggles slot get very little love. I like the scalability of this and that it has an unusual effect of letting you track teleportation.
The Bad: DC 35 power is over the top.
The Ugly: Example of ruining the game for a GM. The bad guy teleports away... player rolls dice "f**k your attempt at a recurring villain we got'm"
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me for the reasons I've outlined.

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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Thank you so much! I appreciate all the hard work you are putting and have put into this. Your review was super helpful. You rock!

Grand Lodge RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8 aka Jrcmarine

GM I too was a HUGE fan of the Akene Amulet and thought for sure it would be top 32. It certainly made my top 32. Very nicely done author!

Marathon Voter Season 8

Quote:

115) Runestrip of Enchanting, Lesser

The Good: I admire your pricing and breakdown into multiple level items, description is good and I mostly get what these do.
The Bad: Fell into the rune trap...
The Ugly: My biggest issue is that I have no idea if the intent is for temporary enchantments or permanent. If it's permanent I assume the strap is consumed or does the runestrap have to remain tied. It's like you forgot text or something.
Overall: 2 stars- the lack of clarity really hurts this.

Thank you for the review. I did mention in the entry that removing the runestrip is a move action, which was supposed to indicate that they are in fact reusable, but perhaps this could have been clearer.

My first time trying so I didn't even know there was such a thing as a rune trap. Oh well, better luck next year.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

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PAGE 9

122) Lock of a Legend’s Hair
The Good: You went simple, consumable, useful, and mythic in a well thought out item, Kudos.
The Bad: I wouldn't have minded a minor moral bonus until the item is consumed.
The Ugly: The alliteration may have hurt it but I'm stretching.
Overall: 5 stars- this was elegant work, PM me if you're interested in networking for future projects.

123) Eye Sockets Bracer
The Good:Innovative and creepy in a good way.
The Bad: This encourages the murder hobo gangs.
The Ugly: I'd have gone with fewer eye slots and a lower price 56k is a tough sell.
Overall: 4 stars- upper middling. This is an example of doing an eye based item the right way.

124) Myriad Scabbard
The Good: You saw a RP problem (having a bunch of situational back up weapons with no way to store them and fixed it.
The Bad: except there's tons of items that already solve this problem.
The Ugly: I get it your item is a little more helpful with action economy but that is not a superstar concept.
Overall: 3 stars- useful but Middling for me, great name though.

125) Dead Jester's Cap
The Good: Creepy in a good way and I kind of love the description even though it is superfluous.
The Bad: Super nich
The Ugly: When you make a bunch of zombies laugh uncontrollably I want something to happen to living observers because that's just creepy.
Overall: 3 stars- middling but it will likely make it into a game because I regularly use an NPC called Hal the Friendly Necromancer and his wife is a Jester type bard. She used to paint his undead minion like clowns to make them less scary, for some reason that failed?

126) Banker’s Monocle
The Good: This is the type of item that would exist in a world that has magic.
The Bad: super nich usages.
The Ugly: Some things belong off screen in a game this is one of them.
Overall: 1 star- This just doesn't work in the context of this contest and most games.

127) Stone of Knowledge
The Good: You went for low level consumables which is cool of you, and I for one like utility items.
The Bad: Name is a little too literal.
The Ugly: Skill bonuses are not going to win you superstar.
Overall: 3 stars: demonstrates simple design astetic making this middling for me.

128) Skinflayer's Scalpel
The Good: I like the name and this is well written.
The Bad: Got yer nose.
The Ugly: It's a bad move when an item makes me associate it with a movie that has both Nicholas Cage and John Travolta.
Overall: 2.5 stars- The writing won some up votes but the ick factor was often a non-starter for me.

END PAGE 9

Dark Archive Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

PAGE 9

124) Myriad Scabbard
The Good: You saw a RP problem (having a bunch of situational back up weapons with no way to store them and fixed it.
The Bad: except there's tons of items that already solve this problem.
The Ugly: I get it your item is a little more helpful with action economy but that is not a superstar concept.
Overall: 3 stars- useful but Middling for me, great name though.

Thank you for the feedback.

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

Thank you for reviewing my item: Somen Mask of Shinjitsu

I went through hours on the name itself.. Here is why...

The Name Somen means Mask but also means noodle. Depends on how its used so had to follow it up with Somen Mask. I didn't want someone to google it and get noodles. (sigh)
Example of the Mask: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:MAP_Expo_Somen_Edo_01_01_2012.jpg

Ok so now to the second part of the name.. (explaining the ability to see through the fog of illusions or lies.)

Shinjitsu really is a series of (2) characters that make up the meaning (Truth)
http://www.stockkanji.com/Truth_shinjitsu

This is very difficult again to translate perfectly and took me a few brainstorm sessions with some folks from Japan to determine how this differs from the Defensive fighting style named the same.

All that for a name.. I love it now because I understand it. I figured the name alone would inspire research and draw in interest for the culture which I have come to love.

Now for the next part, the abilities of it. I wanted this mask to provide the Samurai with the ability to see through the "Fog".

In Japanese Myth the "Fog" is a Oni created haze that hides reality and truth. I wanted the Samurai to be able to peer through this and always offer the clear and wise choice.

I envision that each of these Masks is more a symbol of the love the Shogun might have for a certain warrior of theirs. Thus having each one specially painted or marked with symbols. IN order to reward their Lawful service by allowing them to always see truth for what it is.

The trick is bringing this out in a way that is game play friendly.
My solution was the maximum bonus (+5) to Sense Motive. That is really the honest way to see through lies. Next to allow them to see through magical spells cast at them/around them that are trying to hide reality. This I had to be crafty on and originally I was thinking to go for simply True Seeing but that is way off base because of the additional benefits it offers outside my goal. So I finally argued myself into electing to offer them up a +3 to saves against spell effects which is the best way to validate a protection while not allowing them to literally see through magic. More rather to ignore it non-magically.

So this ended up really being very small in ability when it all came down to it. And the feedback I'm seeing is mostly Skills in a can and Saves in a can.

After spending so much time looking at Cloak of Elven Kind, Boots of Elven Kind and things along that nature I really cut this down (magically) to its roots while trying to still soak it into the culture I imagined it coming from. Tian is a wonderful idea and my hope is to one day add to its splendor.

Thank you again for looking at this objectively.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

PAGE 10

129) Item name
The Good: positive feedback
The Bad: minor quibbles
The Ugly: borderline rants
Overall: Opinion in summary will grade from 1-5 stars

130) The Wanted Nail
The Good: Makes a peasant temporarily a knight and replaces a real knight's mount on the fly. I can dig the crusader inspiration if I'm pegging it right "my kingdom for a horse."
The Bad: The name doesn't really work well for me, does nothing to convey what this does.
The Ugly: The activation phrases are a misstep for me. You do not see this in Pathfinder items, there's a reason.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me.

131) Jellyfish Belt
The Good: positive feedback
The Bad: "de weaerer?"
The Ugly: Spell in a Can with a water trigger that is niche inmost campaigns.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling for me. Hurt by fond memories of last year's dessicated jellyfish that functioned as a submersible.

132) Gloves of the Artful Gardener
The Good: You came at this contest with a unique item, your mechanics are on point, you managed pricing and requirements gracefully.
The Bad: 2nd sentence should be 2 sentences and the end is a little clunky. Name adds little.
The Ugly: I'd simply go with lethal damage against plant creatures and what not. For completeness I'll mention this is somewhat a niche item.
Overall: 3 stars- Middling for me. I know you are top 100. If you submitted this to me as a freelancer I'd give you a second chance. Bottom line is I'm not in love with the core idea of these but your execution is more then solid.

133) Treads of Momentum
The Good: I like the name and you stay relatively simple with the effects which works out to your favor. I see why you are top 100.
The Bad: The description strikes me as overblown.
The Ugly: I'd price these a little higher like 5k or so.
Overall: 5 stars- You weren't in my top 32 because I only saw you once or twice before I started saving items.

134) Bloodgorged Gloves
The Good: I like the imagination of the second power.
The Bad: vampiric touch on a blood themed glove is pretty cliche
The Ugly: The gross out factor is you're primary detractor. Starts with the name and into the description, the gore vote is vastly out weighed by the anti gore vote.
Overall: 3 Stars- You'll come back stronger next year.

At this moment that's every item on the thread, Huzzah.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Thanks so much for your critique on the Chillforge Stein. It is much appreciated.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

PAGE 7

Aberrant Eye
The Good: Your writing is really solid. Text is clear and evocative which is the hard part.
The Bad: Eye item- DRINK
The Ugly:Tough love time, 6 sentences to describe what your item looks like 9 before we get a real effect. 12 sentences before we get to the interesting effect... You're entry was 13 sentences.
Overall: 4 stars- These had a cool factor but you are a little to verbose with description and sparse on effect clarity.

Thanks. Pretty much what I appraised it as myself in hindsight. As I said, "long on flavor, short on effect." As for the bad, if that's what you pick as the worst of it, I'll take it. Obviously, people submitting items won't know what the memes of the year will be, but I'm well aware that, once they're all in, that repetition colors the reception of the items. I noticed the surfeit of eye items myself in the voting and knew it would hurt me.

Oh, the ugly. The funny thing is, last year I got in to the top 32 on an item that had hardly any description to it at all, and I felt that was its major flaw. I guess I was tending a little toward overcompensation.

I feel even though I didn't make it into the top 32, or even the top 100, I am pretty satisfied with my work this year, while I recognize that I could have done better.

Thanks very much for the critique.

Lantern Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka SirGeshko

Orthos wrote:

I didn't even know there WAS a remake of LTTP. I might have to see about picking that up, that's my favorite Zelda game to this day and I just got a 2DS.

Anyway, as you were. =)

Technically, its a sequel. Same worldmap, similar dungeons, but with a 2D twist.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Cyrad

GM_Solspiral wrote:

103) Fleshless Shroud

The Good: This would be the bees knees in a Walking undead type of game. I like that you detect as undead as well that was a nice touch and the writing is genuinely solid.
The Bad: requirement spells are off, I'd go with the spell that make you invis to undead.
The Ugly: You're not going to make superstar by making the hero more able to avoid combat.
Overall: 3 stars- middling to me. I was Meh about this and voted based on it's opponent. Example of an extremely well executed uninteresting concept. I'm confident when you come into the right idea you'll give it a Superstar execution so there's that.

I appreciate your assessment. I may have went the wrong direction with my core idea of a cloak that renders flesh invisible or perhaps the concept just wasn't strong enough to carry a great entry. I'll come back next year with a stronger concept, I promise!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

135) Dice of Movement
The Good: You got the formatting correct and you didn't go with a random effect which is hackneyed with dice.
The Bad: rolling doubles is more common then I think you intend for the drawback.
The Ugly: Drawbacks are a design flaw. You got a number of the other ones.
Overall: 2 stars- lower end of middling. The biggest design sin in your entry is the complete lack of theme or visuals to latch onto. Good design isn't just avoiding the pitfalls its knowing where to take a risk. It's having an idea with some originality and taking that idea to the logical places that are fun.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

136) Stone of Elemental Blood
The Good: You went with an alchemical item which I can appreciate. I also like that this item creates a way to get s sort of treasure out of a monster that might not normally be suitable.
The Bad: Elementals don't typically bleed, thought that every time I saw the name.
The Ugly: I guess my main issue is that an adventuring hero's priorities post dragon battle are likely: 1) healing, 2) where's the dragon's hoard? 3) how are we going to move all that? by the time most PCs would remember the dragon has bleed out. Then there's the issue that aside from dragon's you're going to need a great deal of errata.
Overall: 2 stars- I get where you're coming from particularly with dragon blood but the execution isn't there for me.

END PAGE 10 (since there's exactly 500 posts)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Thanks GM_Solspiral, useful comments :) I may look at refining the item more as I liked the concept once I had the idea.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

PAGE 11

137)Leaf of the Seasons
The Good: Like Vivaldi you took inspiration from the four seasons, and you did 4 winds with unique effects which was a bold design. In particular the imagery worked.
The Bad: Daze is a great deal more powerful then dazzle, should be wither or. Copper for spring?
The Ugly: The powers are not in balance which is a problem since they cost the same.
Overall: 2.5 stars- Lower middling to middling for me. I think the way to go would have been one leaf composed of 4 metals with lesser powers for each wind/season with a generous use and one grand 4 wind power with a strict limit of uses. It's a cool idea but fell down in the execution.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

138) Pantaloons of Grit
The Good: These were fun and got some upvotes on its sheer audacity
The Bad: Pantaloons are a belt slot? I thoughtthe belt was to hold them up...
The Ugly: The fun light description was this item's charm, but the substance was a little lacking when it comes to mechanics.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. Much like the swashbuckler your style needs to be backed up by substance, show me the sword/gun play.

139) Protean Horn
The Good: It's different which I admire, great name, and I like instruments that so something less obvious.
The Bad: link obscure references... warpwaves don't come up a ton.
The Ugly: Lack of restraint is the problem, if you stuck with a clear solid fog effect that the horn blower could ignore this would be a little less convoluted.
Overall: 2 stars- lower middling. You get 30 seconds to a minute to get a vote from a harried voter, confuse them and the other item walks away the victor. This item was complex...

140) Archimedean Lever
The Good: This was interesting and I really like that it gets a boost with immovable rod.
The Bad: Is Archemedies in Goleran?
The Ugly: How many portcullis come up?
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. This seems like a fun item but really too niche to get a ton of votes.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

141) Headband of the Hirsute
The Good: There's a fair amount of whimsy in this without going completely overboard into the joke item category.
The Bad: I'm iffy on the stealth bonus and diplomacy penalty for this.
The Ugly: Player vanity is going to work against you with the voting public. If I wanted to be a hairy social out cast I'd play WoW for a month or 30, then I could get to be one in RL (tongue thoroughly in cheek)
Overall: 3.5 stars- little better then middling for me. Your balance was fine and it stood out enough to win against most of the other middling items. You got style but I need more substance for a top 32 effort.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

GM_Solspiral wrote:

12) Bullet-Catching Duster

The Good: Description was dam cool, you clearly have system mastery and good formatting skills.
The Bad: Name is a little weak.
The Ugly: Gunslingers are a divisive class for a lot of grognards, you might as well give away votes based on that prejudice. I'm doing a gunslinger book in a bit this item with a little reworking would fit in nice if I did items.
Overall: 4 stars. Ignoring the marketability of the class specific items, this would be welcome in an equipment guide.

Thank you for the review GM_Solspiral. If I were able to, I'd say feel free to use it in your book but Paizo owns it now so ;-)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

142) Ersatz Twin
The Good: Basically I'm looking at a cheap consumable that creates a better then normal illusion double which can be very useful.
The Bad: Conversational phrases make this less professional: "not much to look at" or "on the other hand" are phrases that need to be cut.
The Ugly: This meanders into rambling to be blunt. The writing feels like a stream of contentiousness first draft.
Overall: 1 star: You got the formatting and a workable concept but the execution was extremely amateurish. If this was your first draft and first attempt at professional game design it shows. There's hope for you yet but I'd encourage you to find a writing circle and workshop.

143) Clipper Clasp
The Good: There's some panache to this. I like the concept of riding a save for some extra movement.
The Bad: Isn't a cloak of resistance powerful enough without the boost?
The Ugly: The stagger mechanic just wrecks the function of this somewhat niche item. If I'm a melee character that last thing I want is to be moved away from a caster, gaining no reduction of damage to boot. If I'm a caster I don;t want to be staggered and unable to cast and move. Especially with no save...
Overall: 3 stars and middling to me. Lose the staggered condition and this remains niche but gets a 1 star bump to upper middling and worth publishing in a item compendium.

144) Hand of the Monkey
The Good: I tend to like monkey based items and I like that this plays with polymorphic effects.
The Bad: How many monk druids to you see in play?
The Ugly: Super Niche design. Most GMs are going to hand waive the object manipulation as an ape anyway and huzzah I can speak any language except the most useful one.
Overall: 2 stars= lower middling to me. Grammar errors are not the problem the core issue is marketability. Like it or not you're selling your item to the voters to get it in front of the judges, you're not going to do that without sparking someone imagination. Aside form the niche problem there's no real visual, this is a pure mechanics item.

145) Boulder Thrower’s Kit
The Good: I LOVED this. You pulled off a good theme, balanced mechanics, and even a sensible drawback.
The Bad: I'm not too worried about brickwork...
The Ugly: It's unclear if the wielder can take boulders and shrink them in a way other then catching them which would hurt the utility of this item severely.
Overall: 5 stars- PM me with your email if you're interested in some 3PP work I'll give you a chance based on these.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Start PAGE 6

I'm not gentle... its good for you.
98) Lens of Forceful Concordance
Overall: 1 star- Cullable. Clunky wording I can forgive, severe game balance issues I cannot.

Ok, thanks for your time.

However, have you thought about the fact that by the time save or die magic (already greatly weakened in PF) becomes a factor the save to avoid being affected by the Lens is negligible? The occurance you state would likely be very rare (it's a once per day item) and the stuff of legends ("remember how we once managed to...").

The other feedback that I got was that not too many people thought the Lens to be even USEFUL because they didn't get what it actually can do (so clunky wording and burying the most important sentence are spot on, I guess).

So, I guess you already noticed it, calling my item cullable among the sea of mindless "+5 to a skill" creations because it now and then could be a bit strong, if all the dices align, seems a bit hard.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Cyrad

I really like this quote of yours:

Quote:
Like it or not you're selling your item to the voters to get it in front of the judges, you're not going to do that without sparking [someone's] imagination.

Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

GM_Solspiral wrote:

29) Thespian's Globe

The Good: You're playing into bards which are a favorite so point there. Description is fair, template use on point.
The Bad: You guessed it this is under priced as is.
The Ugly:First sentence loses me a little, 1st effect is ok but not exciting its basically a microphone or vid display, second power is where it gets interesting. You buried your lead. Mechanically this should have charges or limits and save is fairly high.
Overall: 3 stars- middling for me. I din't love or hate this, not bad at all for a first attempt.

The second power was my core idea but the way it manifests seems to have sunk me with voters. Something to consider next year.

Thanks for the feedback!

Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8

GM_Solspiral wrote:

PAGE 9

125) Dead Jester's Cap
The Good: Creepy in a good way and I kind of love the description even though it is superfluous.
The Bad: Super nich
The Ugly: When you make a bunch of zombies laugh uncontrollably I want something to happen to living observers because that's just creepy.
Overall: 3 stars- middling but it will likely make it into a game because I regularly use an NPC called Hal the Friendly Necromancer and his wife is a Jester type bard. She used to paint his undead minion like clowns to make them less scary, for some reason that failed?

Hey, thanks for your feedback. I think you are right that it is a little too niche. It's probably a better item for a villain or NPC. I hope that Mrs. Friendly Necromancer gets good use out of it. :)


GM_Solspiral wrote:

Page 3

41) Mapper
The Good: I admire your ability to make variants in the same item, and this item would be cool in a fantasy novel.
The Bad: You chose the worse off 2 names, I like cartographer's sphere better,
The Ugly: Never make an item that can spoil a GM's fun. If the GM wants the party to get a map the GM will provide one, this essentially lets players behind the screen too much and that is bad design.
Overall: 1 star- cullable for me. Tough love is that this is an excellent execution on a bad idea.

Funnily enough, I added how easy it is erase cause I thought that would make it fun.

I actually created this, because I didn't want to give my players a map with places they have never been to, but rather to use as a string in a dungeon, to find their way out. (While introducing them to the illusions as interfaces concept)

But I do get the distinct impression, that people attribute too much mapping ability to the item (which would indicate bad explanation on my part) so I am wondering if it was thought that the item would show near as much as normal map (cause it is not supposed to), or even if it was thought that the item would show anything that the players haven't seen themselves (other then the detect spells of course).

EDIT: Actually I find it really funny that I designed it as a GM to fill a certain need, and yet GM concerns seem to be a theme in my critiques.

Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:
67) Icicle of the Frozen Waste

Thanks for your review, great points to consider going forward.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
Interesting Character wrote:
GM_Solspiral wrote:

Page 3

41) Mapper
The Good: I admire your ability to make variants in the same item, and this item would be cool in a fantasy novel.
The Bad: You chose the worse off 2 names, I like cartographer's sphere better,
The Ugly: Never make an item that can spoil a GM's fun. If the GM wants the party to get a map the GM will provide one, this essentially lets players behind the screen too much and that is bad design.
Overall: 1 star- cullable for me. Tough love is that this is an excellent execution on a bad idea.

Funnily enough, I added how easy it is erase cause I thought that would make it fun.

I actually created this, because I didn't want to give my players a map with places they have never been to, but rather to use as a string in a dungeon, to find their way out. (While introducing them to the illusions as interfaces concept)

But I do get the distinct impression, that people attribute too much mapping ability to the item (which would indicate bad explanation on my part) so I am wondering if it was thought that the item would show near as much as normal map (cause it is not supposed to), or even if it was thought that the item would show anything that the players haven't seen themselves (other then the detect spells of course).

EDIT: Actually I find it really funny that I designed it as a GM to fill a certain need, and yet GM concerns seem to be a theme in my critiques.

It may not be a GM theme but a designer theme - many people taking the time to do these reviews have read the "dont do it/auto rejects" of previous years (this would also explain why archimedean lever didnt do so well in the vote - its a real world name based on a real world person.

For a mapping type item, you probably fell foul of one of more of these design considerations/pointers of Sean's...

Modern Tech presented as magic - sat nav/heads up display for example
Item makes bearer unable to be lost - it's a map!
Makes adventuring safe - they always know the way out for example
Majes the GMs job harder - the GM has to draw the map all the time for example

Now these are only guidelines, you can ignore them, but items ignoring these advice tips of Sean's would have to shine so brightly that we would need sunglasses to read them.

Everyone has created items for their table, often the same sorts of items, known as meme items - the lucky/unlucky coin, the something of many sides each having pockets, the wand gattling gun, the watch of time reversal, the auto mapper / guide out of the dungeon, etc.

I hope this illustrates why the "anti mapping" feel is not against your item - it isn't being singled out, the "anti mapping" is against that type of item in general due to the design advice we have been learning each year.

Scarab Sages Dedicated Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:
Spellsnaring Canvas

Thanks for the critique. Much appreciation!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

I resume critiquing the wondrous item thread tomorrow.


Anthony Adam wrote:


Snippity.

Sorry for so long with no response.

To my understanding then, is despite not breaking the first two rules you mentioned Magic as tech and never get lost the item was close enough to still be considered as breaking them.

The rule about safe adventuring is amusing that the forum concensus is backwards from mine but hey..

The last rule makes gms job harder just baffles me. Why would the characters having a map require me to make a real life map? And this goes for any item really, I just don't see how an item can make the gms job harder except by requiring a boatload of gm dice rolling. Anything else can just be narrated.

Sure the gm can do extra work if they want but it isnt required.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Page 13

146) Fleshwarper's Sack
The Good: Every ability this can confer is useful to a party from time to time.
The Bad: When you have the words flesh and sack in the same name my inner 3td grader is going to make inappropriate jokes every time I see your item.
The Ugly: The con damage and the pain is appropriate to what a fleshwarper is and fits into the theme, but then you've ensured that most good parties are not going to torture and deform themselves at the cost of 50k. I'm assuming the ability conferred is permanent since there' no duration noted and it cost con damage.
Overall: 2 Stars- It's not bad but for that money my party can skim the S&M session and buy a variety of wands that confer most if not all of these bonuses fro much cheaper.

147) Phantom Slayers' Gloves
The Good: I kind of dig the escalating effect mechanic these have, and the change in description was a nice touch.
The Bad: The 3rd glove bit using the I wear a hand around my neck item was likely where you lost votes.
The Ugly: Some of the mechanics are awkward an sloppily written. In particular the rolls twice and take the better result on concealment. Does not specify to hit a concealed target thus it could be interpreted defensively.
Overall: 2 Stars- Niche item with potential but too many flaws to ignore lower middling for me.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

148) Signature Spectacles
The Good: I actually dig on the signature mechanic of these a great deal, I sort of do this by making people pick what their magic missiles look like and a few other things.
The Bad: alliteration, drink!
The Ugly: Item description belongs in the first sentence before effect, the intro uses uncertain language, and despite the cool idea of seeing the tell tale markers of another caster's casting style you miss adding any mojo to what that idea can accomplish
Overall: 3 Stars- Middling for me, the missed potential here is pretty disappointing. Seeing a caster's signature could help trace the origins of various magic items, possibly tell you details on how cast a magical ward or trap. Making it a simple mechanic bonus to dispel and spellcraft checks was a boring choice.

149) Wizard hat
The Good: I dig that you went for multiple variations.
The Bad: "all spell caster" (should be spellcasters since there's all of them.)
The Ugly: It's not the stereotypical hat that bugs me, or the sloppy writing, or the sloppy mechanics that seem to ignore that sorcerer's don't prepare spells... it's that at the end of the day you're taking what a character does and saying here have one more. That will never be a superstar idea.
Overall: 1 Star- Its the kind of item you make when you're new the the game or system. It's not broken and you have a real handle on pricing and possibly some whimsy but the idea isn't innovative and that's where it fell down. To quote the ultimate bard, "sometimes you must be cruel to be kind."

150) Keffiyeh of Pure Breath
The Good: I like the utility, low level and cost on this item.
The Bad: It is effectively a mask and should occupy the same slot.
The Ugly: Super Niche item, also can I breathe underwater with it? To get more utility out of it I'd like it to do that as well.
Overall: 3 Stars - middling for me. I know it made top 32 but it needs to do something more superstar in my opinion. Let it store some airborn toxins you can later spew out as a breath weapon or something.

151) Pouch of Miraculous Seeds
The Good: Somewhat cool manufacturing process and fun plot item.
The Bad: Aside from paying 6k and getting up to 2k worth of duplicates, but likely less?
The Ugly: To put it bluntly the giving tree isn't going to win at superstar...
Overall: 3 Stars- Middling for me. The utility of this is slightly nerfed by over conservative mechanics. Let it create temporary magical items that have but a single use or something.

152) Torc of Ample Remedy
The Good: There's some utility here the item is useful.
The Bad: Torc- Drink, runes- Drink, healing item- Drink
The Ugly: Design tropes aside, this specifies targets fo said healing spell so my barbarian can shift what healing spell he is targeted by and empower it?
Overall: 2.5 stars- in my eyes the mechanics were not executed properly and its missing the thematic spark that makes a superstar item. Its a slightly mechanically flawed utility item thus lower middling.

153) Cyclone Flags
The Good: Awesome name, description works for em and avoided rune trap.
The Bad: By the time I can afford this I can summon air elementals.
The Ugly: As a player I've never been like, I want to be a whirlwind right now, as a GM I've never thought this for my NPCs.
Overall: 3.5 stars. I applaud that you though outside of the box but this is a little gonzo for me, also the second power mechanic is really awkwardly phrased, I get what it does but I had to reread it a couple times.

154) Gem of Starry Fangs
The Good: I like the Lovecraftian vibe of this item, and the mechanics are fairly solid.
The Bad: Price is low for something this deadly and reusable.
The Ugly: This is more of a hazard then an item.
Overall: 4 stars- I really like it despite its flaws but I'd charge my players around 80k and leave no protection for the user's allies.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

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Torc of the Master Woodcutter
The Good: I'm not against craft items, in fact my characters often do some sort of craft as I feel it adds flavor if a character has a practical trade or art.
The Bad: and I though you were so rugged! just sayin'
The Ugly: I have to mention how niche this is its like a requirement or something.
Overall: 3 stars- I'd put this in an item compendium but not in my top 32.

Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

151) Pouch of Miraculous Seeds

Thanks for taking the time to review my item. I have to agree with your points, I find them quite spot-on.

I was aware that this item was likely overpriced. Here's what went in my mind:
- I didn't want to set the construction cost below the nominal value of objects that could be created (2,000 gp), in order to avoid enabling a gp-generation loop by replicating trade goods. Now, I'm not particularly afraid of magical gp-generation schemes myself, I feel that 9th level casters usually have much better things to do in their downtime than scraping a few measly gp. Many players seem to really hate such loops though.
- The closest existing item in terms of function, the Robe of Useful Items, is in turn vastly overpriced IMO. I tried not to stray too far from that precedent.

In hindsight it would have been better to simply ignore the Robe precedent and set a much lower price point.

This item could be made more useful with a shorter activation time or possibly the ability to create temporary copies of more valuable stuff that wither away or crumble after a certain time. Not sure about replicating magical items though - balancing that in a 300-words description sounds like a daunting task.

Given that it was my first try and how rushed my entry was, I'm glad somebody found the item decent after all. Again, thanks for your time! :)


Thanks for the critique of cyclone flags. I don't think it's overpriced considering it gives a fly speed. (It gives a fly speed?!? Oh yeah, I hid half the mechanics inside a universal monster ability no one would look up.)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

@ A. Bompani - I had an NPC in a game become quite rich by unionizing apprentices and making liberal use of the crafter's fortune spell. I wouldn't submit him in a contest though. Fun idea experiment in a game doesn't translate well.

@ Prizrak - I never called your cyclone flags overpriced, I merely observed that it feels like a caster item but by the time the item is affordable you get the primary action - cyclone by casting summon monster.


A fair point.

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