I blame druids..

[zefig]

Entilzha wrote:

This reminds me of a joke my old gaming group used to do.

The Druid Tree Assassins.

Party is walking through the woods of a forest. Suddenly, they are hit by a lightning bolt from the sky.

Everyone rolls Perception checks. All they see is the trees.

They get hit by another lightning bolt.

The party continues to make Perception checks. All they notice are the trees.

Druids who use Tree Shape and cast Silent Stilled Call Lightning are jerks too.

Could be worse. They could have actual Assassin levels.

"Hey Chet, I feel like that tree's been staring at me really intently for about 18 seconds."
"You're crazy, man."

*THWAP*
"HURK"
"Chaz! Noooooooo!"

[Umbranus]

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

This has nothing to do with leadership but all those snake names reminded me of a game of PP&P (plush power and plunder) we once played. One of the PCs was a snake whose job was construction worker, who wore a yellow hard hat and called itself boa constructor.

PP&P:

I don't know if this RPG was ever sold in English. It's rather cool. You play plush toys come to life which have to survive adventures in our contemporary world.

[Kttank]

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

Or maybe a sidewinder sultan, or pit viper president, or maybe a anaconda ace. A coral snake captain, garter snake general.

[Kttank]

Hmmm. Give's me ideas, it does... I've always liked the leadership feat, and such. Now if I could only get my gm to allow it, I would love playing a gnome or Halfling druid with an awakened stuffed bear as a cohort. Maybe take a awakened shrubbery, and have it wear the bear shell. Dunno, but thought it would be cute, and funny.

[Mike Franke]

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

How about a Viper Vizier? Or a Boa Boss?

Diamondback Director, Copperhead Captain, or Anconda Archduke.

Hognose Jefe. Moccasin muckety-muck. Python patriarch.

Asp Autocrat, Viper Viscount, or Cottonmouth Conqueror.

Fer-de-lance Fuhrer

[Bruunwald]

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

That both sucked and ruled simultaneously.

You win the thread.

[Dr. Guns-For-Hands]

I'd say Woodland Stride is the scariest thing about Druids.

CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR AT CAMPSITE:

"Well from the looks of the state of the camp, the mutilated bodies, the claw marks, the bite marks on the wagons, and the shape of the burst marks on the tents and trees, it seems like these campers were ripped apart and crushed to death by the biggest Allosaurus I've ever seen."

"But there are no tracks...."

"Oh god, why is it so quiet?!"

"IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

[Threeshades]

Mike Franke wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

How about a Viper Vizier? Or a Boa Boss?

Diamondback Director, Copperhead Captain, or Anconda Archduke.

Hognose Jefe. Moccasin muckety-muck. Python patriarch.

Asp Autocrat, Viper Viscount, or Cottonmouth Conqueror.

Fer-de-lance Fuhrer

I created a monster...

[Vod Canockers]

Threeshades wrote:

Mike Franke wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

How about a Viper Vizier? Or a Boa Boss?

Diamondback Director, Copperhead Captain, or Anconda Archduke.

Hognose Jefe. Moccasin muckety-muck. Python patriarch.

Asp Autocrat, Viper Viscount, or Cottonmouth Conqueror.

Fer-de-lance Fuhrer

I created a monster...

Bushmaster Brigadier

Krait Kaiser

[Titania, the Summer Queen]

Vod Canockers wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

Mike Franke wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Scythia wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

pennywit wrote:

If a druid casts Awaken on a snake, and that snake takes the Leadership feat, will it be a Cobra Commander?

yes

Unless it's a Constrictor Chief, or an Adder Administrator, or a Boa Boss, or a Rattlesnake Ruler, or a Mamba Manager

How about a Viper Vizier? Or a Boa Boss?

Diamondback Director, Copperhead Captain, or Anconda Archduke.

Hognose Jefe. Moccasin muckety-muck. Python patriarch.

Asp Autocrat, Viper Viscount, or Cottonmouth Conqueror.

Fer-de-lance Fuhrer

I created a monster...

Bushmaster Brigadier

Krait Kaiser

Rat snake Renaldo

[Bwang]

I blame Druids, too! Just 'cause!

[Atarlost]

Someone should write an adventure in which the enemies are a cabal of chaotic neutral druids bent on destroying civilization and forcing everyone to live a nomadic or hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

[Steelfiredragon]

why blame druids man... that class is the embodiment of this song.

sorry I'm not linking or youtubing it.... its got one phrase in it that might be tos violation...... just one though, but itsa good song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLZ_Zy1VhMI

[Tacticslion]

Atarlost wrote:

Someone should write an adventure in which the enemies are a cabal of chaotic neutral druids bent on destroying civilization and forcing everyone to live a nomadic or hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

Heh. A cabal of lawful neutral snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes...

(Each of which are druids that take the leadership feat...)

EDIT: I forgot to mention the reason they're lawful neutral. Within their highly stratified society, each one of them gains a different title, you see... :)

[pennywit]

Cobra Commander CR 11
XP 12800
Snake, King Cobra Druid 7
N magical beast (augmented)
Init +6; Senses low-light vision, scent; Perception +21
--------------------
Defense
--------------------
AC 19, touch 11, flat-footed 17 (+2 Dex, -1 size, +8 natural)
hp 123 (9d8+66)
Fort +15, Ref +8, Will +10; +4 vs. spell-like and supernatural abilities of Fey and against effects that
target plants
--------------------
Offense
--------------------
Speed 20 ft., climbing (20 feet), swimming (20 feet)
Melee Bite (Snake, King Cobra) +10 (1d6+4/x2)
Space 10 ft.; Reach 10 ft.
Special Attacks poison (dc 18)
Druid Spells Prepared (CL 7):
4 (2/day) Summon Nature's Ally IV, Summon Nature's Ally IV
3 (3/day) Summon Nature's Ally III, Summon Nature's Ally III, Mad Monkeys
2 (4/day) Summon Nature's Ally II, Summon Nature's Ally II, Bull's Strength, Bull's Strength
1 (5/day) Summon Nature's Ally I, Summon Nature's Ally I, Hydraulic Push, Magic Stone, Magic Stone
0 (at will) Stabilize, Create Water, Guidance, Light
--------------------
Statistics
--------------------
Str 16, Dex 15, Con 22, Int 10, Wis 18, Cha 10
Base Atk +8; CMB +12; CMD 24 (can't be Tripped)
Feats Augment Summoning, Improved Initiative, Leadership (Base Score 11), Natural Spell, Spell Focus
(Conjuration), Still Spell, Weapon Finesse
Skills Acrobatics +10 (+6 jump), Climb +11, Fly +0, Handle Animal +13, Knowledge (nature) +16,
Perception +21, Stealth +6, Survival +20, Swim +11; Racial Modifiers +8 Acrobatics, +4 Perception, +4
Stealth
Languages Druidic
SQ animal companion link, nature bond abilities (destro, snake, constrictor), resist nature's lure, share
spells with companion, spontaneous casting, trackless step, wild empathy, wild shape (2/day), wild shape
(animal), wild shape (elemental), woodland stride
Other Gear You have no money!
--------------------
Special Abilities
--------------------
Animal Companion Link (Ex) You have a link with your Animal Companion.
Augment Summoning Summoned creatures have +4 to Strength and Constitution.
Climbing (20 feet) You have a Climb speed.
Leadership (Base Score 11) You attract loyal companions and devoted followers.
Low-Light Vision See twice as far as a human in low light, distinguishing color and detail.
Natural Spell You can cast spells while in Wild Shape.
Poison (DC 18) (Ex) Poison—Injury; save Fort DC 18; frequency 1/round for 6 rounds; effect 1d2 Con;
cure 1 save.
Resist Nature's Lure (Ex) +4 save vs. effects from Fey and effects using plants.
Scent (Ex) Detect opponents within 15+ feet by sense of smell.

Share Spells with Companion (Ex) Can cast spells with a target of "you" on animal companion, as
touch spells.
Spell Focus (Conjuration) Spells from one school of magic have +1 to their save DC.
Spontaneous Casting The Druid can convert stored spells into Summon Nature's Ally spells.
Still Spell You can cast a spell with no somatic components. +1 Level.
Swimming (20 feet) You have a Swim speed.
Trackless Step (Ex) You do not leave a trail as you move through natural surroundings.
Wild Empathy +7 (Ex) Improve the attitude of an animal, as if using Diplomacy.
Wild Shape (2/day) (Su) Shapeshift into a different creature one or more times per day.
Wild Shape (Beast Shape II: Tiny - Large animal) You may use your Wild Shape ability to become an
animal.
Wild Shape (Elemental Body I: Small elemental) You may use your Wild Shape ability to become an
elemental.
Woodland Stride (Ex) Move through undergrowth at normal speed.

[Thomas, A]

so many sovereign snakes

[Kazumetsa Raijin]

Tacticslion wrote:

Atarlost wrote:

Someone should write an adventure in which the enemies are a cabal of chaotic neutral druids bent on destroying civilization and forcing everyone to live a nomadic or hunter-gatherer lifestyle.

Heh. A cabal of lawful neutral snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes awakening snakes...

(Each of which are druids that take the leadership feat...)

SnakeCeption....

[Bruunwald]

Dr. Guns-For-Hands wrote:

I'd say Woodland Stride is the scariest thing about Druids.

CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR AT CAMPSITE:

"Well from the looks of the state of the camp, the mutilated bodies, the claw marks, the bite marks on the wagons, and the shape of the burst marks on the tents and trees, it seems like these campers were ripped apart and crushed to death by the biggest Allosaurus I've ever seen."

"But there are no tracks...."

"Oh god, why is it so quiet?!"

"IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Then again, if you were an experienced CSI in a fantasy forest and you noticed there were no tracks to speak of around the crime scene, your list of suspects would be reduced dramatically.

Round up the Usual Druids!!

[pennywit]

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

[Vod Canockers]

Bruunwald wrote:

Dr. Guns-For-Hands wrote:

I'd say Woodland Stride is the scariest thing about Druids.

CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR AT CAMPSITE:

"Well from the looks of the state of the camp, the mutilated bodies, the claw marks, the bite marks on the wagons, and the shape of the burst marks on the tents and trees, it seems like these campers were ripped apart and crushed to death by the biggest Allosaurus I've ever seen."

"But there are no tracks...."

"Oh god, why is it so quiet?!"

"IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Then again, if you were an experienced CSI in a fantasy forest and you noticed there were no tracks to speak of around the crime scene, your list of suspects would be reduced dramatically.

Round up the Usual Druids!!

These aren't the Druids you're looking for.

[Kobold Catgirl]

Noireve wrote:

I think a certain Dwarven Cleric of a particular norse diety would disagree...

Yeah, well, spoilerspoilerspoiler, so there.

[Cevah]

Tacticslion wrote:

Dragonamedrake wrote:

Make a stone chest.

Cast Stone to Flesh

Craft a flesh Golem

Walking loot chest that follows you. Now if only you could give it actual life and then awaken it...

Niiiiiiiiice.

I think a permanently animated chest would suffice similarly, though. Also, you'd have to make six of the chests, separate them, and then stitched each of them back together with parts from the other six (only one part each per golem).

What would you even call a collective grouping of chests? A gaggle? A murder? A herd?

"A cohort of chests comes at you angrily! Roll initiative!"

"Why are the pectorals of my Leadership feat's best feature attacking meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?!?!"

How about a Palette of Chests, and a Warehouse for a swarm?

/cevah

[Tacticslion]

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

[pennywit]

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

[Threeshades]

pennywit wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

This thread has ophicially derailed.

[Tacticslion]

Threeshades wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

This thread has ophicially derailed.

You're saying you don't blame Druids for this?!?

(Yes, Eye C Wat U Did Thar) :)

[Kobold Catgirl]

Simply druidful.

[Gark the Goblin]

Tacticslion wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

This thread has ophicially derailed.

You're saying you don't blame Druids for this?!?

(Yes, Eye C Wat U Did Thar) :)

perhaps they resent the newfangled steam locomotive technology . . .

[pennywit]

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Simply druidful.

Funny. It didn't look Druish.

[Titania, the Summer Queen]

pennywit wrote:

Kobold Cleaver wrote:

Simply druidful.

Funny. It didn't look Druish.

LOL 2 PTS for spaceballs reference.

[Mathius]

Found and read this thread while trying to not disturb a child doing homework. Not laughing is painful.

In my game my gnome druid refers to himself as the cargo plane.

[pennywit]

Mathius wrote:

Found and read this thread while trying to not disturb a child doing homework. Not laughing is painful.

In my game my gnome druid refers to himself as the cargo plane.

Does he have snakes on board?

[Mathius]

Well, if you mean the rest of the party, yes!

[Tiny Coffee Golem]

Bruunwald wrote:

Dr. Guns-For-Hands wrote:

I'd say Woodland Stride is the scariest thing about Druids.

CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR AT CAMPSITE:

"Well from the looks of the state of the camp, the mutilated bodies, the claw marks, the bite marks on the wagons, and the shape of the burst marks on the tents and trees, it seems like these campers were ripped apart and crushed to death by the biggest Allosaurus I've ever seen."

"But there are no tracks...."

"Oh god, why is it so quiet?!"

"IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Then again, if you were an experienced CSI in a fantasy forest and you noticed there were no tracks to speak of around the crime scene, your list of suspects would be reduced dramatically.

Round up the Usual Druids!!

Good luck finding them.

[Martiln]

Tiny Coffee Golem wrote:

Bruunwald wrote:

Dr. Guns-For-Hands wrote:

I'd say Woodland Stride is the scariest thing about Druids.

CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATOR AT CAMPSITE:

"Well from the looks of the state of the camp, the mutilated bodies, the claw marks, the bite marks on the wagons, and the shape of the burst marks on the tents and trees, it seems like these campers were ripped apart and crushed to death by the biggest Allosaurus I've ever seen."

"But there are no tracks...."

"Oh god, why is it so quiet?!"

"IT COULD BE ANYWHERE! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!"

Then again, if you were an experienced CSI in a fantasy forest and you noticed there were no tracks to speak of around the crime scene, your list of suspects would be reduced dramatically.

Round up the Usual Druids!!

Good luck finding them.

Start a forest fire, that should round them all up in a blaze.

[Vod Canockers]

Threeshades wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

This thread has ophicially derailed.

If a Ranger were to follow it twice, could it be retracked?

[pennywit]

Threeshades wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

This thread has ophicially derailed.

Did it derail because of snakes on a train?

[Cranky Dog]

This thread is silly.

I love it!

Now to make an awakened barbarian camel and get revenge on all those Cimmerian jerks who can't appreciate a friendly spit in the face.

[Cranky Dog]

Also... were-rat rattlers!

Why stop at being awakened when you can be cursed with lycanthropy too!

[Cevah]

Cranky Dog wrote:

Also... were-rat rattlers!

Why stop at being awakened when you can be cursed with lycanthropy too!

Were-Rat Rat Rattlers: The same as above, but with a speech impediment.

Where the Were-Rat Rap Rattlers Rattle: Snake Bard band.

/cevah

[pennywit]

Cevah wrote:

Cranky Dog wrote:

Also... were-rat rattlers!

Why stop at being awakened when you can be cursed with lycanthropy too!

Were-Rat Rat Rattlers: The same as above, but with a speech impediment.

Where the Were-Rat Rap Rattlers Rattle: Snake Bard band.

/cevah

The play for a bovine audience: The Were-Rat Rap Rattlers Rattle Cattle.

[Kobold Catgirl]

Just wait until they get into a fight with some derro cavaliers so they can have the Were-Rat Rap Rattlers Rattle Cattle Addled Saddle Battle.

[Atarlost]

There are also the Were-Rat Rap Ratters. Because let's face it, cats that turn into rats are at least 68% funnier than snakes that turn into rats.

[TOZ]

pennywit wrote:

Threeshades wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Tacticslion wrote:

pennywit wrote:

Ahem. Cobra Commander and his fellow ophidians should have access to the Well of Many Worlds. They all go in ... and they would be ....

I... I have to finish it. I'm so, so, sorry everyone.

...
...
...
"snakes on a plane".

Unless its Cobra Commander in a coach. Or a Viper Viscount in a Volvo.

This thread has ophicially derailed.

Did it derail because of snakes on a train?

No, on the train track.