Empire Today Issue 4


Gamer Life General Discussion

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48. Dolphin breaks ankles of young girl as he leaps into boat

Amelia laughed with delight as the pod of dolphins circled her boat. They clicked, squeaked and whistled in return. The young sea druid could hardly believe the time was upon her to choose an animal companion. Which would she choose? Which would choose her?

"Whoa!" Amelia let out a nearly inaudible yelp of surprise as a particularly eager dolphin nose-butted her little dinghy. Maybe she was supposed to get in the water with them? She hadn't mastered the ability to shift forms yet, so she began to strip down so as to be able to swim with the dolphins better.

Suddenly, she heard a loud THUD and felt the world go rump over elbow as a flare of sheer agony went through not one but both of her legs. Moaning in pain, she pushed her face through the hole a jutting nail had torn into her shift as she fell.

"Ack-ack-ack-aaaaaack!" An embarrassed-looking dolphin waved its fin at her as he flopped about in the boat. It seems a choice had been made. She swallowed the nausea that threatened to overtake her as she saw her feet jutting at odd angles from her broken ankles.

"Ankle-biter..." she said, focusing on the dolphin instead of the pain. "I name you Ankle-biter."

DM Briefing- A particularly enthusiastic dolphin seriously injures a young druid while she chooses an animal companion. This could be a sign of great favor or a mad beast, and the PCs are hired to determine the truth.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/02/Dolphin-breaks-womans-ankles-after-j umping-into-family-boat/4481435851525/?spt=sec&or=on


49. Old friends meet up on opposite sides of the law

"Next case." The Honorable Hadrah "The Hammer" Mardalius was only halfway through the day's cases. Her stomach growled for want of lunch.

The bailffs muscled in a thin, dark man who looked ready to give one of her burlier employees a fist in the teeth despite his shackles and cuffs. A cudgel along the back brought forth a familiar cry from his lips and in a moment "The Hammer" turned to mush.

"I haven't heard that sound in a very long time, Crybaby Cassius,"she said in a loud whisper. The man looked up at the judge in anger and then shock.

"NOONE calls me that except for- Hadrah? HAMMY Hadrah? Is that you?!" His jaw almost hit the floor.

The courtroom froze for a moment as the square jawed woman wearing the grey wig of a magister turned beet red- the childhood nickname she spent years training with the city guard to outgrow bounced off the stone walls.The man before her had barely changed, save that he had grown taller, darker and something approaching handsome. The healing cuts on his face earned in gaol fights gave him a roguish aire that the gawky youth she knew from street ball never had. It only increased as he laughed increduously. "Hammy! It IS you! What are you doing here?!"

Her eyes fell across the parchment denoting a laundry list of crimes, from assault to robbery to resisting arrest. She couldn't keep a note of sadness out of her voice as she replied, "I think the better question is, what are YOU doing here?"

DM Briefing- A pair of childhood friends meet up on opposite sides of the law, with one as a judge and one as a guilty criminal. The PCs could be anything from city guards to member's of a thieves guild planning a breakout to bailbondsmen hired to keep an old friend out of trouble.

Source:http://news.sky.com/story/1512689/friends-reunited-judge-meets-old-p al-in-dock


50. Eating contest champion defeated.

The burly human could hardly believe it. The judges were giving the eating contest championship trophy to the half-elf competitor out of nowhere, claming he was half a sausage ahead of him the whole while. A quick glance into the crowd showed he wasn't the only one upset- he had told his friends to cut down on the anti-elven sentiment at such contests before in the name of sportsmanship. But now that this was a human tradition, being given away to non humans, he wasn't so sure...

DM briefing- An eating contest championship has been surprisingly won by an elf for several years, who used an interesting, although non-magical, technique to win. After years of reigning undefeated, a human took the crown back much to the hoopla of human patriots. The human won for several years himself, but now a new challenger has won, and he is half elven. PCs could be anything from fellow competitors, to security guards to referrees, or they could be onlookers cheering on one of the competitors for patriotic reasons or simple curiosity.

Source: http://news.sky.com/story/1513473/wurst-result-hot-dog-eating-champion-defe ated


Glad to see this being revived. Good stuff here, Freehold. I often miss Dingo's antics on these boards. I was sad to see him go.


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Don't tell him this, but I miss his utter nuttiness too. Glad to keep this thread going.


51. Fisherman catches extremely rare, two-tone lobster

Numa couldn't believe his eyes. The rarest of all lobsters, the two toned kingsclaw, was floundering in the trap he had lain out not just a few hours earlier. And not only was it a large specimen but it was an EXACT two-tone- half brown and half orange, right down the center. He could almost feel the weight of gold in his purse as he reached down to free the creature and place it in his net.

Suddenly, the claws flashed forward, catching a bit of driftwood between them and neatly cutting it in half. Numa scrambled back himself, making sure he had all of his fingers. Within moments the creature was free of the trap, and was dancing back and forth, it's black-bead eyes staring directly at him. Was the thing challenging him?

DM Briefing- An extremely rare and rumored to be incredibly delicious two-toned kingsclaw is found by a fisherman. The PCs could be hired by a local lord who wants the thing for his dining hall or a group of radical druids and rangers eager to return it to the sea.

Source:http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/07/Maine-fisherman-catches-extre mely-rare-two-colored-lobster/8251436306832/?spt=sec&or=on


52. Wizard pranks town using skeleton to drive his carriage

"Once more around the park, Mr. Bonz, if you would be so good." Hedge Mage and renown prankster Androff couldn't help but chuckle at the people pointing and staring at his carriage, which seemed to be directed and driven by a human skeleton. As the carriage tumbled down the lane, a heavyset, well to do woman onlooking the spectacle muttered towards her hirsute and heavily armed companion.

"You see? He flounts the laws against necromancy that my grandfather put into action over 150 years ago! I am paying you a handsome sum to put and end to this and bring him to final justice!"

Ulod sighed. He had his own party wizard follow the man who owned the carriage for a week, and he verified the man couldn't even cast a fireball spell, much less raise the dead. He didn't mind doing the occasional bit of dirty work, but all signs pointed to this being little more than murder for hire out of fear...
Dm briefing- a hedge wizard of minor power is pranking his neighbors by making it seen a skeleton is driving his carriage when in truth it is nothing more than a minor spell allowing him to direct his horse- named Mr. Bonz as part of the prank- by voice. The PCs could be curious onlookers, hired by the mayor to determine the truth, or concerned paladins eager to wipe away the stain of necromancy.


53. Half-orc sisters carve gourds instead of skulls.

The half elf's nose wrinkled at the smell of the offal encrusting the open sewage channels carved into the streets of that ran through the awful half-orc ghetto. He kept a wary eye upon the trio of tuskers doing their best to look as if they were doing absolutely nothing lounging on the corner opposite his charge.

"I'll take it. All of it!" The doughy human woman cooed at the sight of what the half elf had to admit was beautifully carved gourds of all kinds- a pumpkin here, a squash there. One of the looked very much like a myriad of white stars against the orange background that was meant to represent the night sky- in reality possibly the only part of the gourd that hadn't felt the etching pen of the artist. It looked like the heavens done over in vegetable matter. "Domino, pay the young woman!" His boss urged him on as he carefully took a heavy-laden purse from out of a pocket. The half orc girls grinned at him as best they could over their protruding tusks. He paid the girls, and noted an approving grunt from across the street. He looked up and noticed the ruffians were departing. Were they acting as secruity for the young girls? If so, maybe he had judged them too harshly.

"Careful now," his employer reminded him as he loaded the first few works of art into the carriage. "They are very delicate..."

DM briefing- A pair of half orc girls are making an unusual amount of money as artists, carving gourdfruit into stunnning works of art. One has just sold for a little over 800 pieces of silver, and the girls now have enough money to turn their neighborhood around.

Source:http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/peruvian-sisters-carve-gourds-into-80 0-art-objects/


54. Goblin dogs eat strange things

Just like that, the fight was over. The goblin warchief shuddered as Stonebreath jerked his throwing axes out of its neck and shoulder. He calmly cleaned his weapons as he surveyed the party rogue, Raven, doing his job cleaning the bodies of the dead of any valuables. "What ya got this time, buzzard?" He always made sure to get the thief's name wrong to keep him on edge.

"A fistful of coppers, a few more silvers, a comb, a broken dagger, an idol, and a jar of pickles. Unopened." The gnomes hands were wet with gore as he smiled back at the annoying dwarf.

"Wha- what did you do?!" The dwarf was in awe at the freshly slaughtered and partially dissected goblin dog.

Raven's smile only grew larger and more disturbing. "That was what was in one of the runty one's bellies." He aimed and more small sharp knife at the goblin chief's mount, a considerably larger specimen. "Let's see what the boss fed this one, eh?"

Dm briefing - a group of gnome adventurers swears that goblin dog bellies contain all sorts of curious items. This news spreads to adventurers of all types and soon a bounty is placed on goblin dogs for the contents of their gullets alone.

Source :http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/10/62-hair-bands-eight-pairs-of-undies -removed-from-dogs-stomach/3461436556132/?spt=sec&or=on


55. Women to become elite rangers for first time in history

Guardsmen Doyle and Nadar stood at strict attention as the officers inspected their unit. Doyle was proud in particular ad the sunlight seemed to make his medal indicating he could impale an orc skull at 100 paces with a crossbow bolt shine especially bright. Nadar lacked any such ornamentation, but both were newly minted guardsmen, they had plenty of time to make names for themselves.

Just then, a pair of women walked into the room. Nadar chuckled under his breath, thinking them fellow guardsmen that were late for assembly, but stopped when his friend caught his breath at their approach and stood stiffer, if such a thing was even possible. "What is it, Eagle-eye?" He muttered, using the nickname the rest of the guardsmen had given him for his accuracy.

"Don't you recognize that Symbol on their helms? They're ARRies! Advanced Recon Rangers! Not like Mudeater and Benny," he said, referring to the two comparatively mundane yeomen rangers the two befriended in basic training. "The elite of the elite."

Nadar lacked Doyle's eyes, but he looked them over. Although he knew that they had to be damn good to survive the training much less graduate, they didn't look the part. The one on the left looked to be a summer younger than him, maybe two. The one on the right was slimmer than a blade of grass. Besides, women were not allowed to take the training -it was too tough for them. This smelled like a political appointment to him, but he stood at attention when they passed anyway...

Dm briefing- Not one but two women pass an elite training regiment that has been closed to women for the life of the program. They become the first elite officers of their type and sex. PCs can be soldiers under their command, fellow officers serving with them, or the women themselves.

Source:https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/how-did-these -two-women-become-the-first-to-complete-army-rangers-school/2015/08/19/a745 c962-46af-11e5-8ab4-c73967a143d3_story.html


56. Wizard stuck in labrythine library uses novel spell to free himself.

Devon the librarian just couldn't sleep. Every time she closed her eyes, an infernal scritch scritch scritch would play in her ears, a buzzing sound she just couldn't ignore. Frustrated she rolled out of bed and walked over to the small pitcher of water she kept opposite her nightstand in her small bedroom. She poured a mug of room temperature water and sipped it, waiting for her nerves to calm down. Suddenly, movement out of the corner of her eye caused her to drop her mug, where it bounced on the floor with a clank, a splash and then a final thud. A message was written for her on the mirror she kept hanging on the wall next to her headboard in what seemed to be claw-like scratches: !!!!!EM PLEH YRARBIL NI KCUTS
DM Briefing- A wizard of moderate power is stuck quite embarrassingly in a library that has closed down for the evening. He uses a unique spell to reach out to the librarian that works there, who is not necessarily happy that they have been contacted via this type of magic. PCs are called in to investigate.

Source:http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/13/Texas-man-locked-in-store-liv e-tweets-FedEx-prisoner-ordeal/4471436810878/?spt=sec&or=on


57. Unique race protested by druids

The crowd was both laughing and jeering at the display. A black and white spotted mutt was in the lead of the dog race, the small monkey wearing a fez on his back acting as a somewhat skilled jockey. As they crossed the finish line, happy victors ran off to collect their winnings while losers booed and threw offal at the dogs and monkeys on the track. A pair of men dressed as clowns rushed on to the track to distract the audience while the animal handlers collected their charges.

Dressed in dun robes and surrounded by a mostly drunken crowd, Varya could barely contain her rage. Animals racing for sport was one thing, but this crossed the line into abuse. She began to whisper words to a spell while gripping the athame sized sickle hidden on her lap. Out of nowhere, vines quietly grew underneath the bleachers to grab at the feet of those who had thrown trash at the poor creatures...

DM Briefing- A somewhat humiliating but traditional race is being held where monkeys in fanciful outfits ride dogs as if they were horses. A group of druids and concerned animal lovers are starting to protest this behavior and may become violent. PCs are either druids or other objectors, people who have come to bet on the event, event security, or simply gawking bystanders.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/16/Illinois-fair-Dog-riding-monkey-race s-will-go-on-despite-protests/1931437056132/?spt=sec&or=on


58. Insane wizard keeps alligator as sex slave after it tries to eat him

"N-Nooo..." Ruben's short sword slipped out of his fingers to clatter to the floor as the spell took hold and he was paralyzed. The evil wizard laughed as the last of the hit squad sent to deal with him was held immobile by his magic. Using another spell, he forced their eyes open and them to stand upright in a circle around him after kicking their weapons away.

"You fools! They sent you to slay me?! Let me show you what happens to those who try to kill me!" The wizard clapped his hands and a section of wall that apparently hid a door slid up. A land-lizard of prodigious size walked into the room, dressed in the feathers and accoutrements of a well-to-do whore. It even had on makeup.

The wizard disrobed, revealing a shiny leather getup underneath his cloak. He reached behind his back to pull out a facemask of equally shiny leather.

Ruben eyes grew wide as the wizard beckoned the land-lizard to come closer...

DM Briefing- A wizard has kept an alligator as a carnal pet of sorts after it tried to eat him. The PCs have been defeated by this wizard and are forced to watch the spectacle.

Source: http://www.inquisitr.com/2250439/did-rupert-darwin-really-keep-an-alligator -as-sex-slave-after-it-tried-to-eat-him/


59. Offensive name kept by sports team

Kipka sighed as the electoral votes were read off. There was an overwhelming majority that voted in favor of keeping the Serrenberg Slips as the Serrenberg Slips and not changing the name to the Serrenberg Sailors.

Grumbling, she hopped off of the human-sized chair and made her way through the smug, celebratory crowd. She wanted to vomit. How would she like it if she created an all halfling-team named the Breeders?

Just then, it came to her. Street ball was a game where agility was of great importance. She knew a few guys who owed her favors. Maybe it was time to give humans a taste of their own medicine...

DM briefing- A local sports team keeps a name offensive to halflings. Local halflings plan something similiar to get revenge against what they see as a longstanding tradition of bigotry. PCs could be halflings on the team, their non-halfing supporters, or players on another team, perhaps unsure of what the fuss is about.

Source:http://m.thesouthern.com/news/local/state-and-regional/freeburg-high -school-athletes-remain-midgets-despite-objections/article_1220428d-c36a-5e 9b-9b0b-2f437c68e938.html?mobile_touch=true


60. Familiar destroys local inn

Slipping from the railing, the squirrel landed with a splash in a partially open cask behind the bar. Tippy Toe found herself awash in the strange liquid that Beren, the human she was magically linked to, couldn't drink enough of, but refused to bathe in. She couldn't see why. It was colored oddly to her sight and tasted like something other than water, but it removed the grit and grime well enough...

The world spun wildly as she pulled herself out. A shake of her head to remove excess liquid proved to be a bad idea as everything shook as if it were a groundquake. She could smell nothing over the overpowering smell of the liquid blocked her olfactory senses. Fear blossommed in her chest as she called upon some of the magic her partner had invested in her to get her out of this predicament...

DM Briefing- A squirrel familiar, using small amounts of magic in a drunken haze after accidentally landing in a barrel of strong ale and gulping down a healthy portion accidentally demolishes a local bar, and then escapes. PCs could be the watch responding to the call, called in by the innkeeper as private investigators to hunt down the mage responsible, or one of them could be the mage himself(possibly the familiar).

Source:http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/17/Squirrel-gets-drunk-trashes-B ritish-bar/9771437159926/?spt=sec&or=on


61. Famous actor goes incognito

Ulod sighed as the light wavered. This torch boy was well and truly awful. "I'm sorry, sir!" The llghtbearer called out as the torch bobbed back and forth.

"it's alright, boy," he said warmly, even though it certainly wasn't. The kid was making enough noise to wake the dead...

A sigh that came from lips other than his own just outside of the light's radius sounded hellishly loud to Ulod's ear. The torch boy let out a squeak as the first of the zombies stepped into view. Ulod whipped his sword out and called for the boy to stand behind him- and to angle the light UP, for godssake...

Auris Morellio, star of a thousand situations just like this one- on stage at least- breathed a sigh of relief all his own. He used the ruckus as an opportunity to scratch the boyish cheek stubble the well-fitting wig on his head reached down to tickle and irritate even as it obscured his famous features. He was sure the adventurer had the situation well in hand. Still, he gripped the handle of the stage blade he kept hidden under his cloak as he angled the lantern just so. He would show the grips that he could do their job just as well as they did AND that he could handle his own in a fight that wasn't choreographed....

DM Briefing- A famous young actor has left the stage to become the assistant to a group of real-life adventurers in order to bring more believablity to his stage performances. He should not have any skills beyond those of an NPC class-based journeyman or master actor(maybe 1d4+1 levels of expert or 2d4+2 levels of aristocrat). He will certainly get underfoot, but he isn't completely helpless and will handsomely reward the party members for their time after he has learned everything he can.

Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/watch-what-happens-daniel-radcli ffe-6087734


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Freehold DM wrote:

48. Dolphin breaks ankles of young girl as he leaps into boat

Amelia laughed with delight as the pod of dolphins circled her boat. They clicked, squeaked and whistled in return. The young sea druid could hardly believe the time was upon her to choose an animal companion. Which would she choose? Which would choose her?

"Whoa!" Amelia let out a nearly inaudible yelp of surprise as a particularly eager dolphin nose-butted her little dinghy. Maybe she was supposed to get in the water with them? She hadn't mastered the ability to shift forms yet, so she began to strip down so as to be able to swim with the dolphins better.

Suddenly, she heard a loud THUD and felt the world go rump over elbow as a flare of sheer agony went through not one but both of her legs. Moaning in pain, she pushed her face through the hole a jutting nail had torn into her shift as she fell.

"Ack-ack-ack-aaaaaack!" An embarrassed-looking dolphin waved its fin at her as he flopped about in the boat. It seems a choice had been made. She swallowed the nausea that threatened to overtake her as she saw her feet jutting at odd angles from her broken ankles.

"Ankle-biter..." she said, focusing on the dolphin instead of the pain. "I name you Ankle-biter."

DM Briefing- A particularly enthusiastic dolphin seriously injures a young druid while she chooses an animal companion. This could be a sign of great favor or a mad beast, and the PCs are hired to determine the truth.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/02/Dolphin-breaks-womans-ankles-after-j umping-into-family-boat/4481435851525/?spt=sec&or=on

Yeah! Break those ankles!


62. Alpaca used to witness important ceremonies in far-off land

Beraga couldn't believe his luck. Being accepted to study magic abroad was one thing, but meeting a woman as beautiful as Mina here in Uondai- that was beyond belief. The whirlwind romance was a thing for the history books, and the marriage that was happening today was one of the few that occurred between their cultures. He stood stiffly next to the gently smiling priest, and his jaw dropped as his saw his bride walk down the aisle, with her...pet by her side?

"Squeeeeeak!" The pet emitted a cry like a mouse but far larger. It too had dressed for the occasion, wearing a strange-looking hat and a saddle that looked more decorative than practical. It escorted his veiled, blushing bride down the aisle, and stopped at the end as she stood next to him. It's guileless, brown eyes looked at her blankly, but settled on him with purpose. A bead of sweat trickled down his cheek as the priest began to mutter prayers in his native language...

DM Briefing- Alpacas are used to witness important ceremonies in a far-off land. PCs are either natives who are searching for one for an upcoming ceremony, such as a wedding or someone being sworn into office, and have a tight schedule to keep.

Source: http://www.japantoday.com/smartphone/view/lifestyle/wedding-hall-in-japan-w ill-provide-an-alpaca-to-witness-you-exchange-your-vows


63. Record breaking number of people engage in exercise

"Left foot forward, right foot...?" Manu cocked his ear in the direction of the crowd as if he had trouble hearing them.

"BACK!" Shouted the almost 13,000 voices in unison. Manu couldn't help but smile. It was good to see so many people engaging in the exercises...

"Your left foot is at an angle," whispered an impatient voice out of nowhere. "You are an embarrassment. Perhaps I should take over?"

A bead of cold sweat ran down Manu's cheek. That was impossible. Master Wen had died 3 years ago. He saw the body himself.

A familiar pressure gripped his wrist, and even though he moved to counter, his center of gravity went elsewhere and he found himself face down on the ground. A ripple of magic went through the air and the lavishly dressed monk appeared before them all as if on cue.

"Let us continue." The newcomer said, the spell of charm flowing through his smooth baritone...

Dm briefing - A dance craze that is really the elementary movements of a forbidden martial art has become incredibly popular in one metropolis, with almost 14,000 practitioners. A sifu of the style has returned from the grave and plans to train them into becoming a personal army via use of charm spells. PCS are monks of a rival style, part of this new unwitting order, or part of the old one investigating rumors that the sifu has returned.

Source-http://www.nbcnews.com/video/12-975-zumba-enthusiasts-set-new-guinne ss-record-487161411831


64- Illusionary dog playing advanced game proven not to be an illusion.

The Belsique was one of the most well to do luncheon spots for miles around, complete with an illusion show held every hour on the hour. The lunch crowd was loving the latest feat of magic, displaying a dog that was having no trouble defeating a human being at halfling tennis.
The crowd roared with laughter, but two people off to the corner were less enthusiastic. One- an obvious wizard- was watching the scene intently, the other- a woman in roughspun robes- was simply frowning at her 30 gold lunch, which had sat untouched for almost a half an hour.

"Damn," the frowning woman's companion whispered. Your contact was right. This isn't illusion. It's-"

"Divination. A take on scrying." The frowner said. She pushed the expensive meal away, disgusted by the animal's imprisonment.

"So he's a show off. Why get so upset?" The fellow popped a fried snail into his mouth and made a surprised and pleased sound as he chewed.

"He's toying with us. It's not an ordinary dog." She picked up a half of a sandwich and bit into it. The piquant flavor soothed her anger into excitement. "Are you sure you can trace the spell to its source?"

The man opposite him started to positively shovel the fried snails into his mouth. "If you're paying for lunch on top of my usual fee, then yes."

DM Briefing- A wizard of some power has kidnapped a druid's animal companion, a dog that can play table tennis on such a level that it can beat not just one but several skilled players. He has been using powerful divination magic to display the animal's skill at the game to awe and amaze, as well as make money. PCs have been hired to either safeguard the dog or rescue it from the wizard.


Freehold DM wrote:

52. Wizard pranks town using skeleton to drive his carriage

"Once more around the park, Mr. Bonz, if you would be so good." Hedge Mage and renown prankster Androff couldn't help but chuckle at the people pointing and staring at his carriage, which seemed to be directed and driven by a human skeleton. As the carriage tumbled down the lane, a heavyset, well to do woman onlooking the spectacle muttered towards her hirsute and heavily armed companion.

"You see? He flounts the laws against necromancy that my grandfather put into action over 150 years ago! I am paying you a handsome sum to put and end to this and bring him to final justice!"

Ulod sighed. He had his own party wizard follow the man who owned the carriage for a week, and he verified the man couldn't even cast a fireball spell, much less raise the dead. He didn't mind doing the occasional bit of dirty work, but all signs pointed to this being little more than murder for hire out of fear...
Dm briefing- a hedge wizard of minor power is pranking his neighbors by making it seen a skeleton is driving his carriage when in truth it is nothing more than a minor spell allowing him to direct his horse- named Mr. Bonz as part of the prank- by voice. The PCs could be curious onlookers, hired by the mayor to determine the truth, or concerned paladins eager to wipe away the stain of necromancy.

Source- http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/08/Skeleton-driving-Jeep-turns-heads-in -Kentucky/4711436381135/?spt=sec&or=on


65- Golem goes on road trip

"..and that's how I ended up short a hand." The large hitchhiker said nothing, although he seemed to nod as the one-armed drover ended his tale. The talkative samaritan beamed. "Most folks zone out halfway through that tale. You're a good listener." Satisfied, he returned his attention to the road. The hitchhiker cocked its head to the side and stretched out in the wagon, its huge body taking up all space not devoted to cargo.
"You hungry back there?" The large stranger shook his head even as he shifted his cloak to better hide his features. "Wow, you really don't say much do you?" The large stranger shook his head again.
"A lot like my daughter that way. You wouldn't happen to be attached would you?" Another shake of the head.
"Hey, maybe after my business is concluded, you two could meet. I'm something of a matchmaker back home..." the merchant began to ramble on again. The large stranger only continued to nod...

DM Briefing: A golem has somehow broken free of his creator's control and has begun to explore the world, posing as a hitchhiker. The PCs could be hired by the wizard to get his free-willed creation back, fellow wanderers, or find that they have saved an unusually large and quiet civilian during a caravan attack.

Source: http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/hitchbot-hitchhiking-robot-crosses-us/


66. Mystery scatalogical graffitist strikes wealthy resort

"Ugh." Barrison wrinkled his nose at the fecal scent. "And you say they're all like this? How did they get past guard?"

"Aye, that they are." The janitor threw his filth smeared gloves on the ground in anger. "Someone's left..presents...in the ten-ring of every folg." The game was an import from the mainland and was incredibly popular with the rich of the island metropolis. "And I have no idea how they got past the watch. I just want them gone. We have had to close three times this tenday alone because of this."

"I'll see about hiring some extra help. It should be easy to stop some troublemaking punks...."

DM Briefing: Someone has been relieving themselves in the holes of a large scale land-based game on the wealthy side of town in a major city. The PCs can be hired security, financially successful adventurers upset at the loss of a high-end diversion, or the druids responsible for the rather disgusting reclamation of a large amount of land.


67. Convict refuses to recognize sovereignty of court due to language barrier

"N' sue 'tis wi' 'eart most 'eavy tha' I due sentens yu to th' noose.." Headman Era'thagar stopped in the middle of his proclamation. He was sure he had pronounced the words right, he had learned his human from the sailors he spent years upon years with back in his youth 87 years ago. He hadn't spoken it since, but he had no need to since returning to elven lands to choose a bride and a life-path. However, the condemned seemed more confused and even offended than disappointed or scared.

"My gods," he said in cultured tones, "but I cannot respect a court that speaks in the sailor's tongue, elven or no." The wanderer's clothing was worn, but very much in fashion in the court of Devellion, a thousand miles away. "Besides, all I did was take some fruit from an unattended platform. How is that a crime?"

There was more back and forth before Era'thagar- the only elf for leagues who possessed even limited knowledge of the human tongue- got the gist that the despoiler of the shrine to Mayanna not only did not understand the gravity of his crime but did not acknowledge his fate. According to Mayanna's precepts, he could not be put to death before confessing his crime and begging her forgiveness. He gritted his teeth and looked to his son, who was serving as the bailiff. They would need to travel to find an interpreter...

DM Briefing: A minor human noble adventurer has been captured by a somewhat primitive elven tribe after committing a comparatively minor but nonetheless capital offense. The human cannot be put to death before confessing his crime, but he doesn't speak elven, and the elves don't speak human. The PCs can be elves sent out to find someone who speaks human, or a rescue party come to save the unfortunate human.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/28/English-man-refuses-to-be-sentenced- in-Wales-due-to-thick-accents/7351438113289


68. Ancient school discovered with lessons intact

"We're through," Brarcroft the miner announced without preamble. The human-sized passage he made for the archeologists was not as solid as one made for dwarven-sized bodies, but he was being paid enough not to care. The stuffy woman dressed in what she stated was the clothing of her office- completely inappropriate for mining, but they had paid in advance- wasted no time in making her way to the front of the party. She raised her lantern high and caught her breath.

They seemed to be in an ancient nursery of some sort, or at least that is what it looked like to Brarcroft's eyes. Miniature desks and writing easels were everywhere, along with no small amount of chalk. Here and there lay a toy or ball or whatever. The woman- he had promptly forgotten her name after she paid him- shrilly called for her staff, who came in and started setting up lamps all over the place. His part of the job over, Brarcroft was more than ready to leave to check the passage for any instabilities or snags that would trip up the awkward humans...and then he saw it.

Just there, on the chalkboard that one of the lankier humans was oohing over was something written in dwarven that he translated just a bit faster than the humans could. It seemed to be describing some type of magical theory- very advanced for childlings of this rough size. He took a glance around the gloomy room and saw similar writings on other scratch boards and a larger example of the writing on the large roomboard at the head of the classroom. He had nothing against magic per se, but it was gnomeish nonsense to the bulk of his people. As the humans began scribbling down awkward copies of everything they could find, Brarcroft began committing what he saw to memory...

DM Briefing: An ancient dwarven classroom dedicated to advanced magical theory is discovered by human archeologists. While this is a curiosity to them, it represents a potentially lost vein of knowledge to the dwarven people. PCs are either archeologists or their staff, or dwarven-backed spies sent to get as much information on this find as possible.

Source: http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/frozen-in-time-chalkboard-drawings-from-1917 -discovered-during-school-remodeling/


69. Wild turkey attacks students at prestigious school

"gubbbbbbblegubbbbbbblegubbbbbble!!" The gigantic bird was flightless but nonetheless vicious as it hurled itself- and it's razor-sharp spurs- into the knot of young people relaxing on the quad, who scattered as they were charged.

"Do not harm it!" The dean's voice carried the air of command, but also a note of worry. Magical study was done here, and this...creature...could be the familiar of a visiting professor, VIP, or student.

"Tell that to it!" spat a effete young man hastily arranging his doublet- one so expensive that could easily feed a family of four for weeks. "That thing is dangerous!"

"guubbbblegubbblegubbble!" The wild turkey oriented upon the dean and began to charge anew...

DM Briefing: A wild turkey- a creature much larger and more aggressive than it's domestic kin, if only a touch smarter- has taken up residence on a well-to-do boarding school campus. PCs are called in to discretely remove the creature without harming it, with an emphasis on the words "discrete" as the school does not want a scandal scaring off the well to do who attend it and "without harming it" just in case the creature is a strange familiar associated with one of the more eccentric faculty members.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/30/Very-aggressive-turkey-terrorizes-Un iversity-of-Michigan-campus/8811438285731/?spt=sec&or=on


70. Small rodent impervious to crossbow bolts

"Whut the hell...?" Alsfurt the trapper knew he was drunk, but not so drunk as to miss a shot at this range. The armadillo simply skittered away from him, as much disturbed by the noise as it was by the crossbow bolt that bounced off of it, leaving it completely unharmed.

Ah well. The creatures were fast, but not so fast that he couldn't reload and spit it good. Alsfurt groped around for another bolt, even as he wondered why his thigh ached. He gave it a hazy glance as he slapped the bolt into place and realized he didn't need to pull one from his quiver, he could have just pulled that there spare one out of his leg...

Just then the blood began to flow in earnest, and he realized just how much trouble he was in. He howled in agony, and at that sound the armadillo- known as "Tank" to his friends- flee in earnest...

DM Briefing: A small, harmless variety of rodent seems to be invincible to crossbow bolts, as a local drunk swears he tried to shoot one but the bolt skidded off its armor and back into him. While he is normally a figure of public ridicule, the wound does indeed seem to be a richochet, and there is nothing else in the area that shows signs of being scored by a crossbow bolt. PCs could be anything from passersby, business-folk seeking out more of this bizarre creature to scalp and turn into armor, or druids who have been sneakily casting protective spells on creatures to keep them from becoming objects of entertainment for passing drunks.

Source: http://www.nbcnews.com/news/weird-news/texas-man-injured-after-bullet-ricoc hets-armadillo-n402236


71. Incredibly addictive drug made at popular low-key restaurant

"I'll take a number 8." The nervous-looking woman whispered her order to the serving wench.

"What? I can't hear you!" Aelba was on her second shift and didn't have time for nonsense.

"I said, I'll take a number EIGHT!" The customer said, her fraying nerves eliminating her nervousness. She scratched her arm erratically, leaving a fine coating of dead skin all over the table. Aelba recoiled in disgust.

Just then, her shift manager, a rat-like man whose name she could never recall scurried up to her much like the animal he resembled. He discretely pressed a coin into Aelba's hand and directed her to check out one of her other tables.

"A number eight?" he repeated to the woman in an oily voice. "Coming right up." Aelba watched as he walked into his office next to the kitchen, and came back with something that did not resemble any of their products in a small cask. Overjoyed, the woman left a dozen silvers on the table and left, cradling the cask as if it were a newborn child.

Aelba frowned. She did everything she could to stick to honest work, and this guy was bringing something she did not recognize but knew was anything but into her establishment. Maybe it was time to pay her guardsman ex-fiancee a visit...

DM Briefing: A highly addictive drug is being quietly created and served at a local watering hole- one so innocuous and popular that even the authorities cannot believe it. PCs are either on one side of the law or the other, tasked with moving the made operation elsewhere or shutting it down.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/04/Meth-lab-remnants-found-inside-Iowa- Taco-Bell/7961438705484/?spt=sec&or=on


72. Extremely young man takes up trade

Vita groaned as she carried her two heavy cases through the streets of the metropolis after getting off the ship. Everyone in this city talked too fast, walked too fast, and displayed absolutely no interest in helping her with her things- when they displayed interest in her at all, that is. All of her attempts to flag down a passing public carriage met with failure or with a rude local who simply jumped into the carriage she flagged down and took off, brusquely thanking her for the "favor".

At her wit's end, she put one bag to the left, and another to her right, and sat in between them at the curb. She felt tears coming on...

"Miss? Hey Miss! You want a ride or not?!" A voice came from far, far above her, and she snapped, glaring upwards and ready to give this odious cabbie a piece of her mind...

A child's face- no, he was barely out of diapers- shown down at her beatifically from the drover's seat of a coach. He was adequately dressed for the job, in perfectly fitting attire for one of this job, although the hat was a bit too large.

"uh....yes?" It had to be a prank, but the boy's face was so earnest she could not help but to agree.

"Get in now, Miss lady!" The coach's door popped open, as if by magic..."

DM Briefing: In the most populous city on the continent, a young boy of about 3 years of age has become a carriage driver. Apparently using magic to aid him in the day's work, he is a private entrepreneur, and has paid his dues to the guild, who leaves him alone and doesn't ask any questions- and has gone as far to physically defend him from aggressors in the past, as they would anyone who worked for the guild. PCs could be anything from passengers, curious onlookers, hired to discover the truth by some investigative body, or have been hired by the child himself to track down someone who ran out on a fare.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/07/Taxi-company-pranks-customers-with-3 -year-old-driver/7821438976432/?spt=sec&or=on


Freehold DM wrote:

64- Illusionary dog playing advanced game proven not to be an illusion.

The Belsique was one of the most well to do luncheon spots for miles around, complete with an illusion show held every hour on the hour. The lunch crowd was loving the latest feat of magic, displaying a dog that was having no trouble defeating a human being at halfling tennis.
The crowd roared with laughter, but two people off to the corner were less enthusiastic. One- an obvious wizard- was watching the scene intently, the other- a woman in roughspun robes- was simply frowning at her 30 gold lunch, which had sat untouched for almost a half an hour.

"Damn," the frowning woman's companion whispered. Your contact was right. This isn't illusion. It's-"

"Divination. A take on scrying." The frowner said. She pushed the expensive meal away, disgusted by the animal's imprisonment.

"So he's a show off. Why get so upset?" The fellow popped a fried snail into his mouth and made a surprised and pleased sound as he chewed.

"He's toying with us. It's not an ordinary dog." She picked up a half of a sandwich and bit into it. The piquant flavor soothed her anger into excitement. "Are you sure you can trace the spell to its source?"

The man opposite him started to positively shovel the fried snails into his mouth. "If you're paying for lunch on top of my usual fee, then yes."

DM Briefing- A wizard of some power has kidnapped a druid's animal companion, a dog that can play table tennis on such a level that it can beat not just one but several skilled players. He has been using powerful divination magic to display the animal's skill at the game to awe and amaze, as well as make money. PCs have been hired to either safeguard the dog or rescue it from the wizard.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/21/Dog-shows-off-table-tennis-skills-in -viral-video/5641437487780/?spt=sec&or=on


Freehold DM wrote:

66. Mystery scatalogical graffitist strikes wealthy resort

"Ugh." Barrison wrinkled his nose at the fecal scent. "And you say they're all like this? How did they get past guard?"

"Aye, that they are." The janitor threw his filth smeared gloves on the ground in anger. "Someone's left..presents...in the ten-ring of every folg." The game was an import from the mainland and was incredibly popular with the rich of the island metropolis. "And I have no idea how they got past the watch. I just want them gone. We have had to close three times this tenday alone because of this."

"I'll see about hiring some extra help. It should be easy to stop some troublemaking punks...."

DM Briefing: Someone has been relieving themselves in the holes of a large scale land-based game on the wealthy side of town in a major city. The PCs can be hired security, financially successful adventurers upset at the loss of a high-end diversion, or the druids responsible for the rather disgusting reclamation of a large amount of land.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/07/24/Mystery-pooper-targeting-holes-of-No rwegian-golf-course/2881437763634/?spt=sec&or=on


73. Dog starts fire over treats

The flames were not very large but intensely hot. Hiel just barely escaped the flophouse, tears streaming down her face from smoke and grief. The fire crew had already started a bucket brigade, and it seemed as if much of the place could be saved, although more than a few would be homeless from the damage that had been done. Avoiding the anguished company of her neighbors, who had all made it out she was happy to see, Hiel made her way over to the black and white mutt who was sitting across the street, watching with big brown eyes. Once there, she fell to her knees, prostrate before the animal.

"F-forgive me...m'lord. I meant no disrespect..." She couldn't hold it in any longer and she began to weep.

::Do not refuse me again:: the voice boomed in her mind. ::Treat. Now.::

Hiel scrambled to proffer what gooey remains of pastry she could find in her pockets and offered them to the dog as if it were a living shrine.

The dog licked its chops after slurping them up.
::Bring me more!::

DM Briefing: A dog has been spurned treats by its owner for the last time and somehow started a fire that burned down the hovel they lived in, reducing many to homelessness. PCs could be part of the fire crew who discover animal hairs remaining unsinged in the aftermath of flames, related to the new homeless folks, who are disturbed by the way their old neighbor kowtows to an animal and speaks to it as if it were royalty, or discretely hired by the "owner" herself, to kill the animal that has made her its slave.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dogs-cupcakes-fire_us_55c9e264e4b0f1cbf 1e62a86?kvcommref=mostpopular&utm_hp_ref=weird-news


74:Giant Eagles spotted in major cities

Sir Guy pointed to the distant metropolis,"There! That's where I will find the perfect ally for a cavaliere of the order of the eagle."
Green Tom looked at him askew,"But no one can control a Giant Eagle, they are intelligent!"
Sir Guy snorted,"I trained with the master dragon rider for a year to fight with a Giant Eagle, not treat them like a pet!"

DM Briefing: You need a special feat to have a sentient animal companion of any kind. Predators are moving into cities because of vermin like pigeons and rats. Urban druids and rangers are intentionally importing them.

Source: http://home.peoplepc.com/psp/newsstory.asp?category=TopStories&id=20160 204/ac56ead3-0985-458d-b30b-ee4775bd812c


75. Familiars forced to fight for entertainment of non-wizards.

Saltha smiled as she dropped a sackful of silver- a weeks pay- down on the brown snake to win. Magic or no, she knew them to be dangerous beings, envenomed and voracious. The little spider had no chance. The bookie kept his face neutral as he collected the money and noted the bet. The horn sounded just then, it seemed Saltha had placed her bet in the nick of time. She scrambled to her seat.

Down in the ratting pit, the atmosphere was positively claustrophobic - dozens of people were crowded around the box, the most eager she had ever seen for a silver-ante vermin fight. She was mildly surprised by that but left agog in disbelief as the spider deftly used its silk to hang the much larger snake in a noose dragging it around the pit until it was insensate and then biting it on the eye and neck until it swole with venom and stopped moving in one of the most ironic displays she had ever seen.

It had to be a trick, a ploy, an illusion- something! What she just saw didn't just border on the impossible it was well past it.

A newly rich man crowing his victory consoled her sarcastically. "What, this your first familiar fight?"

DM briefing- A criminal syndicate has begun ratting fights between the usually larger, stronger animal specimens that serve as wizards Familiars. The animals are identified, kidnapped and forced to fight through unknown, but decidedly non magical means, and wizards everywhere are concerned, even as rogues and not a few rangers are being hired in record numbers to provide new blood for the arena. The PCS can be a morose wizard looking for their little friend, a rogue or ranger hired to procure them for crime bosses, the crime bosses themselves, or simple gamblers.

Source- http://mobile.abc.net.au/news/2016-02-11/daddy-long-legs-spider-wins-battle -brown-snake/7154766


Whatever the means, it is probably causing feedback into the wizards. The wizard probably winces every time their familiar is "motivated".


76. Local birds attack small golem

"Damn!" The well-dressed wizard kicked the bits of clay and ash that were all that remained of all of the considerably expensive construct he and his fellow were testing the divination spell through. "What could have done this?" His thoughts instantly turned to the ignorant farmers that populated the area, but he found no quarrels, bolts, or anything that would signify a dullard attempting to alleviate boredom through taking pot-shots at an unknown flying creature.

The young woman next to him, deep in her magic, let out a chortle. She made the requisite movements to control the spell, and then her chuckle turned into a full bellied laugh. "Onaigus, you aren't going to believe this..."

"You have something? You saw something? Who is it?" Onaigus didn't bother trying to hide his zeal at catching the culprit.

She wiped a tear of mirth away from her cheek. "Not a who. A what."

DM Briefing: A particularly powerful bird has started attacking the experimental flying constructs of a well-to-do wizard, who hires the party to get to the bottom of this. Is it a normal bird, magically enhanced, or something more?

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/angry-eagle-punches-drone_us_55cc289ce4 b0898c48868b09?kvcommref=mostpopular&utm_hp_ref=weird-news


Footage of an Eagle attacking a drone..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdgvlHH3JSA


77. Urban spelunkers arrested for trespassing

The rope slipped yet again and Marq cursed. "Careful up there, Damien," he shouted, "I'm almost at the bottom." He landed with a squish. The remnants of someone's supper, or the aftermath, more like, as he was in the sewer. It was uncomfortably warm down here, but Marq was used to it, as he had been down here a tenday ago. He set up a crude camp, and waited for his friends to descend in turn. A few minutes later, the trio had water wands, empty boxes, thick gloves, sunrods, daggers, everything they needed.

The next 3 hours were hard going through some of the worst excrement the metropolis had to offer. Sometimes the party stayed together, other times they split up. Things seemed bleak, but the wand insisted there was metal down there.

"I got somethin'!" David called. The two other members of the party looked up at each other and rounded the corner eagerly...only to run into their friend, who was standing with his hands up.

"Evening." The watchmen with their duty clubs drawn did not look happy to see the ersatz adventurers. The one in charge held up a pair of manacles. "You're under arrest."

DM Briefing: A group of unlicensed adventurers in the largest, grandest city in the campaign setting have taken it upon themselves to explore the sewers in search of the treasure that they feel is down there. They are all NPCs, but are well equipped for their journey. PCs are either town watch charged with seeking out the unlicensed fellows, friends who have to bail them out of prison and seek to emulate their escapade legally, or part of a thieves guild on guard duty who hear people blundering towards their cache.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/13/Three-men-arrested-after-treasure-hu nt-in-New-York-City-sewer/6781439518893/?spt=sec&or=on


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The Sewer
This long tunnel has walkways along the side. Along the middle of the floor is a deep(30 feet) stream of dirty water. Upstream is the well room. Downstream is the cesspit.
GM notes: If you search the floor of the foul stream for 1D6 rounds you will find...
1-A bone, 2-T**d(it's not a candy bar), 3-a copper piece, 4-a silver piece, 5-a Canadian quarter, 6-a dead rat, 7-A pistol(used in a murder and requiring a Make Whole spell to ever function again), 8-The mostly rotted corpse of a human fetus, 9-Alligator skull(from a full grown alligator), 10-The Nixon commemorative gold coin, 11-A Susan B. Anthony dollar coin, and 12-The 20 sided die that rolled me 1 for 2 consecutive true strikes at a convention!
Dimensions: 500 feet long, 40 feet wide, 25 foot high ceiling. The walkways are 10 feet wide so the stream is 20 feet wide.
PS: Leaky steam pipes, exposed electric cables, water mains, sewage mains, Ninja Turtles(preferably adapted from the role playing game), and other modern features are personal touches and will vary from game to game.

Go to Random Rooms.


78. Sign in desolate area offers false hope

Mano couldn't tell how long she had been walking. The desert seemed endless. One moment she had been exploring the ancient crypt with her friends, and then there was a flash of light after she stepped on the strangely-graffitied tile...and then she was here. But where was here? She kept putting one foot in front of the other. The sun was hot but not unbearably so, and she knew enough about this environment to know that it would not remain that way for long. Her sword and scabbard were becoming quite heavy too boot. She needed shelter and rest.
"What's that?" Mano noticed a signpost up ahead, jutting out of the white sand. She squinted, and recognized the familiar sigil of the Endless Tankard, a chain pub not just popular in her hometown, but all over the continent. She dashed ahead, eager to slurp down an ale, but paused once the writing underneath the sign became legible. The pub was "coming soon", apparently, but the sight of the bleached skeleton just behind the sign made her wonder just when the sign was placed there even as she began to feel a pit of despair opening in her stomach...

DM Briefing: A sign indicating the campaign setting's most popular pub is "coming soon!" appears in a place where there is literally nothing else. Is this a prank, a magical trap, or something else? PCs are hired to find the truth, or have encountered this sign organically during their wanderings.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/17/McDonalds-Opening-Soon-sign-removed- from-middle-of-Australian-desert/6991439838677/?spt=sec&or=on


79. Cheese smugglers foiled

The plan had been going well right up until the point it went sour. The wagon broke its wheel innocently enough, but Chi had been too aggressive in turning down the friendly guardman's help in replacing it. The protestations raised the officer's suspicions, just as the last of the wood around the axle rotted away and the entire shipment exploded all over the street. Ironically, wheels and wheels of wax-sealed cheese rolled everywhere, none of them bearing the seal of the Cheesemonger's Guild. Deki made a run for it. It was a shame about Chi, but what was the point of both of them losing a hand or swinging from a rope? He ran down the back alley, leaving his partner behind, oblivious to the shadowy figure trailing him...

DM Briefing: A cheese smuggling ring has recently been broken in a major city of a rather destitute country. The foodstuff is associated with wealth in this particular culture, and the ring has some 470 tons of the stuff in well-sealed containers in several warehouses around the city. PCs can be guardsmen trusted with seeing the cheese to be properly processed by the city and sold at market, passersby as a police bust goes awry, or part of the thieves guild that must attempt to recoup its losses.

Source: http://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/470-tons-smuggled-cheese-seized-moscow-ru ssian-police-say-n412226


80. Mysterious newcomer on political scene raises eyebrows

Abus clapped his hands over his ears as the crowd roared its approval yet again. He couldn't believe what he was witnessing.

The emcee waved his hands for calm. "Alright, going over the count again. That's 5191 for Maraigus. 2144 for Veranio. 299 for *ahem* Deez Nuts." Another cheer went up. Abus focused his attention on the bylaws for the vote. It seemed that with a few more votes, the mysterious newcomer with the vulgar name would have to go on the ballot...

DM Briefing: Deez Nuts, the vulgar psudonym(hopefully) for a heretofore unknown political candidate, is on everyone's lips in the PC's hometown. Although he is a true long shot to win, he is on the verge of getting enough votes to be represented as a true candidate for public office. PCs could be part of his campaign staff or security detail, working for another political candidate looking to get some dirt on this new rival, or even running for office themselves.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/19/Poll-Presidential-hopeful-Deez-Nuts- has-9-percent-support-in-North-Carolina/5521440013824/?spt=sec&or=on


81. Parodical amusement park opens

Osamu grunted as he pushed the sculpture into place. Once done he took a step back and inspected his work with a grimace. Who in the world would want a larger than life sculpture of Humpty Dumpty cracked and bleeding yolk all over the place with a look of horror on his face? It fit in with the rest of the dismal sculptures of the park- the bloody tails sliced off the mice who had their eyes gouged out, the dish and the spoon rutting while a fork watched with tears streaming down it's face...Osamu thought it all lurid and even disgusting, but he was being paid better than he had been in years. A long pull on his water bottle refreshed him, and he turned to see what else needed to be done, but it seemed that everything was in place. The foppish man in charge of the project strolled between the sculptures with unabashed pride, heading in the direction of the gates. It seemed a crowd had formed and today was opening day...

DM Briefing: An avant garde and somewhat anti-social artist has created a lurid theme park for adults that lampoons beloved childhood stories. He has quite a following and fans are flocking to his work even as others protest. PCs are affiliated with one of the two groups, or work in the park as security.

Source: http://www.nbcnews.com/business/travel/welcome-dismaland-street-artist-bank sys-strange-theme-park-n413266


82. Woman is determined to bring expensive wine aboard ship

The halfling was livid. "What do you MEAN 'no glass containers'? This is Pearl Noir we are talking about!" She gestured frantically at the bottle of wine even as her voice rose into shrillness.

Ernest could only sigh internally as the smile that was plastered onto his face remained took on a near-rictus quality. "I am sorry ma'am, but that is our policy, after the alchemist's war, we do not allow liquids of a certain size aboard the ship, and no liquids in glass bottles."

She seemed resigned to her fate, and so Ernest began to relax. Pearl Noir was one of the most expensive wines he had heard of, maybe it wasn't hoping too much that the little woman could have it shipped to her destination. Ernest began to look around for the ship's pursar when he heard a small *pop*.

His attention went back to the halfling, who was positively guzzling down the wine. Ernest felt his jaw drop. "Ma'am, what are you..."

The halfling put up a finger to indicate that she needed but a moment. Seconds went by and the last of the wine slid down her throat. She removed the bottle from her lips and let out a mighty belch. "There. All done." She wobbled on her feet as she tossed the bottle in the trash. "Now, can we pleashe get on our way?" A deep pink flush began to work its way up the woman's neck and into her face. Ernest couldn't let her aboard, not like this...

DM Briefing: A woman has been caught attempting to board a vessel with very strict regulations regarding liquid and glass transportation with a bottle of extremely expensive wine. In frustration, she drinks the wine herself and becomes incredibly drunk, which also keeps her from being able to board the vessel. She is starting to become combative. PCs are either fellow passengers, security personnel, onlookers or concerned that they will not be able to bring their fancy drinks aboard as well.

Source: http://time.com/4009310/china-woman-drunk-cognac-plane-remy-martin/


83. Door plays mysterious melody

"Do it again." Vernon literally could not believe his ears. Miranda smiled and pushed the door open to its maximum angle and let go. The sounds of the ancient tune filled the air as the door sighed shut. "I don't understand. How is this possible?" Vernon laughed through his confusion.

Miranda was no less pleased but not as interested in the specifics as he was. "Magic. Dumb luck. Who cares?" She shrugged her broad shoulders. "Let's get some money together to hire some guards to make sure noone messes with it." Miranda knew of at least three people who would pay to enjoy this kind of oddity, and she wanted to make sure that coin found its way into her pocket.

DM Briefing: Mysteriously, a door in a rarely visited part of town imitates the musical stylings of a long-dead bard who was hailed as a master of his craft when opened and allowed to slide shut. PCs are hired to protect the site while the discoverers find a way to turn it into a profitable venture, hired by skeptics to discover the truth of this phenomenon, or are somehow related to the dead bard and believe that this door could somehow be his legacy.

Source: http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2015/08/26/Chicago-parking-garage-door-does-Mil es-Davis-impression/5431440602502/?spt=sec&or=on


84. Magical message service used to display animal genitals in immature display

The bush baby was fully illuminated by the glamour. Quesi knew that meant the spell had taken effect and the divination was heading towards the shared spell's locus. He knelt down and let the confused creature go. Not long after his own spell ended another began, with a signature indicated it was coming from another continent. His eyebrows raised as he read the notice that the bushbaby was cute, but that this submission beat his hands down. There in front him and visible only to his eyes thanks to the spell was the surprising manhood of a Kethtopian lion, looking equally confused. Quesi couldn't help but laugh. It was not a proportionate endowment at all for such a fearsome creature.

Not wanting to be outdone, Quesi started another spell to charm a local animal. He would win this ersatz duel no matter what...

DM Briefing- Through the use of a long range divinations, a group of wizards has created a contest where they share images of the manhoods of different types of animals. This boorish competition has started to become dangerous, with the manhoods of dangerous-to-approach animals being especially prized. PCs are players of this game, druids in opposition waiting to make their move, or onlookers who groan in dismay, waiting for some fool to get himself killed doing something stupid.

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/junk-off-animal-genitalia_us_55de7b5ae4 b029b3f1b19c7a?kvcommref=mostpopular&utm_hp_ref=weird-news


85. Bride makes groom's dreams come true in a unique fashion

"You may now kiss the bride." The priest smiled beatifically as the two kissed, signifiying their new life together. Music began to play as they walked down the aisle together, and the priest reached for a handkerchief to mop his brow.

Just then a pair of guests in the back popped out of nowhere, as if by magic, wearing pure white full plate armor and bearing strange looking crossbows. "Hold it! Don't move!" They seemed to be accosting the couple. The priest couldn't believe that a couple this young had enemies. He reached for his holy symbol and began a prayer that would immobilize the two troublemakers...

"OH JOYOUS DAY HONEY IT'S THE LAST ORDER!" The groom jumped up and down uncontrollably as the bride smiled embarrassedly.

"I know, sweetheart, I hired them for this. I love you." She kissed her husband again as the two motley blackguards made meanacing body language to all who approached the couple, shouting more lines from the famed chapbook.

DM Briefing: A bride has hired a pair of actors to pretend to be characters from her new husband's favorite story. They are dressed in extremely realistic armor, but their weapons are clearly fake to all but the most unobservant. She has hired them to "attack" as the wedding ends. PCs could be the troupe of actors she has hired, or guests attending the wedding, who may not be in on the joke and attack the actors.

Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/star-wars-mad-groom-flanked-6266643


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86. Famous Bard/Wizard died without a will

"What, again?" the manager said as the supposed adamantene drill broke. A hysterical laugh rang out. The manager looked around desperately as a transparent something darted through a wall.

DM Briefing: The famous performer Scion had all his performances recorded on magic crystals. He kept them all in an indestructible vault that only he new the combination to. One of his ex-wives has hired the adventurers to find and talk to his spirit about the combination. The spirit formally known as Scion will give them one number of the combination as they obtain his revenge against each person who betrayed him in life.

Souce:http://www.people.com/article/prince-vault-drilled


87. Actress arrested for indecent exposure

Lien cradled the bottle as she ran down the street. She knew she was an addict, and it filled her with shame. Like most addicts, she wanted to indulge her vice in private. But home was so far away! The restaurant where she had picked up her cache was well down the street and when she looked noone was around. A nip, she told herself, wouldn't hurt. Just a little bit to get her home where she could truly relax.
She crept in to the mouth of an alley and cracked the seal. The rich, savory scent filled her nostrils and made her nauseous- a sign that this was the good stuff, very good stuff. But the nausea took hold of her and made her upchuck all over her dress. She knew she shouldn't have eaten before going out but she had been so hungry- besides she thought she would have been able to make it home. It was crazy, she knew, but she disrobed fully, tossing her soiled clothes in a dumpster, before taking a sip. And then another. And then another. Finally she felt in possession of herself, if a bit cold. A manic giggle built in her throat. She felt as if she was sneaking home after "meeting" with one of her directors after hours a dozen years ago, when she was young and pretty.
Lien crept on cat's feet. Slipping past one window, then another. Home was close. And then it all went wrong.
"Da, it's Maisey!" Lien cursed angrily and far louder than she meant to. "And she's naked!" The simple child that lived two houses down from her stood on his lawn pointing at her aggressively, his ball forgotten. Despite knowing her name, he only ever referred to her as the character from the Traveller series of chapbooks she acted in on stage an eternity ago. Lien cradled her modesty and the cask both, and ran for home, even as the whistles of the watch let everyone know there was a pervert on the loose...

DM Briefing: A somewhat famous actress of yesteryear is arrested for indecent exposure. PCs are hired either by the court or the actress herself to provide security before her trial, as she is out on bail and several "fans" are hoping to catch an indecent glimpse of the actress.

Source: http://www.torontosun.com/2015/09/15/star-trek-voyager-actress-jennifer-lie n-arrested-for-indecent-exposure


88. Town watch protects smallest citizens

Eamon was enraged. He had enough yara root sitting in the back of his cart to make him wealthy enough so that he didn't have to work for the rest of the month, and he was stuck in traffic. The sun was almost directly overhead and the temperature was not kind. His anger reached a crescendo, and he left his cart to see just what was going on. Down the road, a gruff man bearing the arms of the town watch called for him to get back into his cart. "A serious problem down the road, sir. You understand." His words were courteous, but his demeanor was serious, and he was gripping the duty club with purpose. Eamon was not intimidated.
"I have almost three barrels full of yara root here! I need to get to market NOW!" Eamon's hands squeezed into sizeable fists.
"Quack?" A good sized duck-hen, brown and yellow in plumage, made its way between the two arguing men, and looked up at the guard with a question in her intelligent, blackbead eyes. Turning to the duck, the guard cleared his throat and got down on one knee.
"It's nothing, ma'am. Traffic has been stopped as per your permit. Please be on your way with your entourage, but with some haste- your party is starting to affect the business day, apparently."
"Quack." The duck-hen returned the sizeable brood that Eamon just noticed was making its way across the road and into town, flanked by a pair of hardnosed guards who were announcing the waterfowl as they made their way down the street...

DM Briefing: Traffic into town is delayed as the town watch escorts a flock of ducks into town, treating them as if they were VIPs. PCs can be people who are forced to wait as the ducks are escorted into town, the town watch escorting the ducks through town, or local druids working with these awakened animals to help them gain full acceptance in the town as citizens.

Source: http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/adorable-video-captures-police-offi cers-6424444

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