Gamer Dating


Gamer Life General Discussion

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Do gamers, do you, find romantic endeavors more difficult, being that your gaming passion is something practiced only by a niche few?

On the other hand, is it easier for gamers to "click" with each other romantically, when we find one another, since we share such a fervent enthusiasm for our beloved hobby?

Is sharing in this hobby a necessity for a successful pairing, or can you establish a firm enough connection to someone else in entirely different areas? If you can, how does your partner view your Gamer Life?

Long, personal story short, I'm single again, and find myself wondering these question as I go through the day-to-day. And that leaves me curious.

I know for a fact that there are plenty of regular posters who are older than I am, many married, and many of those married to fellow gamers. Many also I'm sure are neither, and some may be in relatively the same boat as me.

How's that working out for ya?


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In my life, I have been fortunate enough to have met three girlfriends for long term relationships through gaming. It was definitely a catalyst that helped to develop the relationships.

I'm married now, and my wife knew nothing of gaming when we met, and now she enthusiastically plays in my weekly campaign. Its definitely contributed to the success of our marriage (15 years and counting).

Scarab Sages

I met my current boyfriend while looking for players. While it's nice to date someone who understands tabletop RPGs, we rarely see eye-to-eye when it comes to what makes an enjoyable game.

Thus, we usually just avoid playing at the same games making RPGs both something we have in common and something to agree to disagree on.


My wife played over 10 years, but after an epic, decade long campaign ended in 2000 and the two other primary players divorced and moved away she hung up her dice. Before her I dated a couple of girls who gamed because I did. I'm not sure I could date another gamer girl; I need space from the game and living with someone who was just as into as I am would probably make me hate it... lol

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

I've gone on dates that went absolutely swimmingly until I mentioned that I was a gamer. Then her eyes turned into saucers as she slowly realized that she had allowed herself to go out with one of "them".

I've also had dates where there were lots of interested questions about what table-top gaming was. My current girlfriend of nearly a year was like that. My lovely lady is very gamer friendly and enjoys lots of board games but so far hasn't shown any interest in Pathfinder.

I've only ever dated one table-top gamer. We played in the same game and it was ok but it made DMing a bit difficult. It doesn't help that one of my good gaming buddies is a bit of a jerk (I describe him as "A jerk, but MY jerk").

I also had a long term relationship a few years ago where she really disliked my gaming.

In my experience I've found that I've been perfectly happy dating someone who was supportive but generally uninterested in my hobby. But I'm also the type of person who doesn't need or want to share every waking moment with my partner.

I'm not sure how much this post helps but I think that looking for a person who cares for and respects you should take precedent over a hobby. I know that anytime I've tried forming a relationship over anything other than my emotions towards the person that it tends to end at best with a new friend and at worst with very hurt feelings on somebody's part.

Good luck :-)


Valid points, kievel. Naturally more goes into a relationship than a shared hobby or two, but I think most of the emotional connection and feeling (at least for me) come AFTER the getting-to-know-you stage, which depends upon having some common ground.

I hardly consider gaming a REQUIREMENT, but I think it's important. When I'm not focused on my work (illustration) gaming is what I spend most of my time thinking about or enjoying each week. Heck, if things go right for me, after I graduate the two will be one in the same. So I imagine I would have a hard time establishing that sort of connection with someone who was completely disinterested in it.

The Exchange

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If she listens to your entire character story without running away, putting on headphones, or 'accidentally' spilling hot coffee in her own lap as an excuse to depart, it's true love.

Or possibly masochism.

Sovereign Court

I have met a few gamer couples seems to work out fine. Its nice to share a hobby with your significant other. Of course its also nice to have a hobby you don't share to get some time apart. All depends on the couple some folks need their separate time others cant be separated.

One thing I would like to know is how to go about dating a gamer girl. I mean I don't go out much to Cons or FLGS. When I do and see a cute gamer girl I just think to myself "getting bugged by some dude is the last thing she probably wants" so I leave them alone.

I work in a professional setting and the women I tend to date currently wouldn't go for gaming. In fact, it would be the fast track to getting ditched ASAP. I mean I might as well put on a diaper and suck my thumb that's how interesting I would be once they know I'm a gamer. Strangely enough video games seem to be ok now but TTRPG is kids stuff. So for now I'll keep playing crouching corporate chick, hidden gamer.


Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

My GF hails from Free-Form PbP Land™ whereas mine is the Wonderful World of d20™. While she has really come to enjoy the camaraderie of our weekly local game [since I introduced her to Pathfinder], our polar differences on the PbP front has actually led to writer's block for each of us. ^_^;

Whachu talkin bout, Willis?:
She's used to discussing actions and repercussions with her fellow PbP players and then agreeing upon how they will write-out the outcome. I'm used to the GM presenting a situation, the players reacting to it, and then the GM responding to that, etc. Mix the two together, and she ends up feeling slighted when I tell her the results of Perception and Sense Motive checks while I'm confused as to why she thinks she should have a say in what her character deduces. :P

That said, the weekly game I GM has really solidified her place amongst my, no our friends, and it's something she greatly looks forward to. True, there's still the part of her that is indecisive because she wants to discuss what her character should be doing with everyone else first (as she would in her PbPs), but she really does get into it and was lamenting that her work schedule would prevent her from being able to commit to another game I'm seeking to join.

So for us, gaming is actually something that brings us together, something that we enjoy doing together... just as long as we keep our PbP styles separate. ;)

As for how to meet and greet a gamer...?

Well, we met thru OK Cupid, but I've also met a LOT of geek and gamer women at DragonCon. In such venues where your geekitude is a given, the fact that you are a gamer will not only be a non-issue but an asset and a topic of conversation. Sooo, as long as you are in the right environment, it's just a matter of breaking the ice, hanging out as photos of your [no doubt] bombastic costumes are taken, and then making the natural suggestion that you get a drink or coffee so that your retinas can regenerate from all of the camera flashes.


What's this "dating" thing you talk about?
Between being a gamer geek (RPGs and miniature painting), politically interested and outspoken, recipient of disability pension (not for physical reasons), still on the pudgy side (even after a large weight loss) and rapidly approaching 40 (where everyone else is fairly settled down with kids and a career)... I'm pretty much undateable.
If I were to narrow my "criteria" down even further by only wanting someone who was also a gamer of some sort... I'm not sure such a person would even exist.


Been married for 23 years and my wife doesn't have any interest in playing much beyond conventional board games. She has her own hobbies, of course, in which I don't have all that much interest. We share just a little bit of info about our respective hobbies and are supportive of them. I sometimes wish she liked to game but I'm okay that she doesn't. She does, by now, have a nice collection of dice and her spinning/knitting hobby has resulted in me sporting some sweet dice bags!

Good luck with your future relationships, gamer or not.
M


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My wife started playing D&D before I did. I wooed her with mechanics references, corny lines like 'failing my Will save to your Charm Person'.


Gaming and dating have never been any sort of conflict or help in my life. I met my wife at college where I was a physics major and she was a math major. She is not interested in gaming, we have other interests that we share (boating, hiking, camping, reading, bicycling, crafting, etc.) She doesn't mind my gaming and I don't begrudge her favorite activities.

I dated a lot of girls before dating my wife and none of them were met through gaming. Most of them were either school, work or some activity, such as local theater or the arts.

Of course gaming has always just been one of my interests, not my MAIN interest. I love to game but I also love to do about a dozen other things, and it just happened that those other activities tended to have more females available than gaming did.

In all honesty I think it's probably best that my wife and I have some shared interests and quite a few unshared interests. If we were both into gaming, or both into gardening (her passion, not mine) or whatever, we'd probably eventually decide we were together too much. A little distance is good for most relationships I think.


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Lincoln Hills wrote:
If she listens to your entire character story without running away, putting on headphones, or 'accidentally' spilling hot coffee in her own lap as an excuse to depart, it's true love, and masochism.

Fixed that for you ;)

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32

Interesting topic. The time I put into gaming has risen and fallen over the years, and in a lot of previous relationships it barely registered because I wasn't really playing regularly.

I started a PbEm with one ex-girlfriend which was enjoyable and survived longer than our relationship (which was nice) only to fizzle when the demands of PhDs became too onerous.

At present I'm spending a lot more time on gaming, probably about an hour a day on average mainly on a PbP I'm running, so my wife of four years certainly takes noticed. She's bemused by my gaming, principally because she speaks English as a second language and my PbP has 'too many complicated words'. RPGs don't really exist in her culture, so she still struggles to get her head around what's my PbP actually involves - she follows the group storytelling aspect, but why are their so many numbers . . ?

Still, we both support each other in our many interests so it's never really been a problem, although she occasionally suggests that if I'm going to spend so much time writing I should be trying to put together a novel and win fame and fortune.

Our relationship was already firmly established when I had a resurgence of interest in RPGs, so the subject never really came up when we were intially dating.


Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I think it is similar to any significant hobby, be it gaming, working on cars, watching sports (avidly not casually), or anything else that takes signficiant investments in time and money.

If your romantic interest shares your interest, that is point of common ground that can obviously help a romatic relationship. If your interest does not share your interest, but is at least accepting of it, or maybe someone interested, then if you can find a reasonable balance in your shared life (because thats what relationships are in the end, sharing a portion of your life with someone) between your primary interest and theirs. If you can do that, then it can provide a lot for your relationship as you bond by sharing and experiencing eachothers interests while not feeling forced to give up your own (hence balance being important).

If your interest not only doesnt share but doesnt respect your interest, and considers it either problematic, or a negative characteristic, your relationship is likely to fail, and be filled with resentment of one form or another.


MYTHIC TOZ wrote:
My wife started playing D&D before I did. I wooed her with mechanics references, corny lines like 'failing my Will save to your Charm Person'.

And she failed her Sense Motive check against that?

Spoiler:
:P

Sovereign Court

Mixed results. I've dated some women who were gamers who were great, others not so much. I've dated women who were not gamers who had no issue with gaming, others who rolled their eyes at it, and one who hated it with a passion.

I've found the key to a good relationship is (1) having multiple interests that coincide and (2) both parties acknowledging that each does need time to pursue those interests which are not shared.

Scarab Sages

My husband introduced me to gaming before we married. I'd never really been exposed to tabletop RPGs before. We actually met through being Doctor Who fans.

When we finally got married last year (after over 20 years together), he rolled a d20 and declared a critical success as part of his vows. He didn't tell me he was going to do that. I thought it was fabulous. :)

My husband plays in a couple of campaigns that I'm not involved in, which gives him time to do stuff on his own and lets me pursue some of my other interests. But I still enjoy sharing gaming time with him. I look forward to gaming together every week. Occasionally we've even played characters who have a relationship. Next time we make new characters, I've suggested that we play a bickering married couple. ;)


My wife is a fairly long time PCGamer, starting out in UO, and hadn't really tried out tabletop before we met. However, between trying it out locally, and accompanying me to GenCon, she has learned to love the dice :) Having shared interests really is a great thing; not a hard and fast requirement by any means, but for us it just adds to the general joy of life together.

BTW Dire Elf, I WISH I'd thought of something that cool for our wedding. We did a Dr. Who themed wedding, but tossing a d20 for critical success would have been fantastic!

Shadow Lodge

Drejk wrote:
MYTHIC TOZ wrote:
My wife started playing D&D before I did. I wooed her with mechanics references, corny lines like 'failing my Will save to your Charm Person'.

And she failed her Sense Motive check against that?

** spoiler omitted **

I'm a paladin, I don't lie.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I've dated a few gamers who I've met in tabletopping and assuming that the relationship would be well outside of that it has always worked pretty well for me. While you don't need to share everything in a relationship, its another hobby that you both can enjoy together which is a bonus in anything, especially since gaming tends to spill over in other things outside of the time at the table itself, browsing the books, reading and talking over abilities or NPCs, ect.

One thing I really loved in a relationship I had was with someone who we made characters in a freeform chat RP together to play as we had the chance and at some point we picked up a habit of leaving a little notebook around in the house and whenever one of us was passing by it or when the other wasn't home we would do the equivalent of making a post in it for them to find next time they picked it up. Basically just doing dialogues and adventures for the characters when they weren't at the location where the chat was set, became sort of a cooperative story writing using the game setting.

There are a lot of opportunities for bonding through such things.


Some people mentioned OkCupid... ugh.

OK Cupid Rant:

After my last relationship ended (on good terms, but it still ended), I joined OKCupid because, now that I'm starting my 3rd year in the Illustration department at my school, I've met most of the people I'm going to see a lot of in classes and was beginning to doubt I'd meet "her" through school.

It was tremendously disappointing. I felt a lot of what it based matches on didn't matter to me, and the things that did matter always seemed to end up deal breakers with each person I was matched with.

tl;dr OkCupid has not been working out for me. As it turns out, doing things the old fashioned way may not be currently so hopeless after all, as some doors I previously thought closed may still be open, maybe even open a little wider.

Pan wrote:


One thing I would like to know is how to go about dating a gamer girl. I mean I don't go out much to Cons or FLGS. When I do and see a cute gamer girl I just think to myself "getting bugged by some dude is the last thing she probably wants" so I leave them alone.

Are they total strangers? In that case, yeah, hitting on them out of the blue would be kind of creepy, but if it is someone you see fairly often, lighthearted chat is how it usually starts.


I have basically given up trying. With either a gamer or non-gamer. Of course, my life situation isn't very conducive to any sort of relationship, as the thought of dating someone in my situation wouldn't even cross a woman's mind. What condition? Being unemployable in this little town (don't know what the cause was at first, but I know the cause for my recent failures at finding employment being my last job was 4 years ago), which means I have no vehicle and my parents have moved into my house (this happened 5 years ago when I still had a job and my parents were going to lose their house). Yeah, this just screams "He's a catch!" doesn't it?

So yeah, I have given up. Oh, and I forgot to mention. Being 32 years old. I also look like I am approaching my 50s with the amount of gray showing in the entirety of my hair (not just the top of my head), especially my facial hair.

Of course, if ever it did happen, I wouldn't know what to do, as I have never been on a date in my life. I did have a FWB back in college, that lasted 2 weeks before she met someone.


Hey Adjule, at least you have hair.... Count your blessings man. You can always find a job, I'm not going to start growing hair again.

As far as your situation, in this economy your situation is not that unusual, at least as far as employment is concerned.

Shadow Lodge

Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber
Ellis Mirari wrote:

Valid points, kievel. Naturally more goes into a relationship than a shared hobby or two, but I think most of the emotional connection and feeling (at least for me) come AFTER the getting-to-know-you stage, which depends upon having some common ground.

I hardly consider gaming a REQUIREMENT, but I think it's important. When I'm not focused on my work (illustration) gaming is what I spend most of my time thinking about or enjoying each week. Heck, if things go right for me, after I graduate the two will be one in the same. So I imagine I would have a hard time establishing that sort of connection with someone who was completely disinterested in it.

Have you tried maybe cultivating some interests outside of gaming? I completely understand how busy art school can be (my 1st degree was art ed) but having a couple other interests that you could meet somebody through could be an avenue to explore. Do you enjoy reading or some type of exercise? You say your in school for illustration, what about art history and/ or museums.

And in response to OkCupid, it can definitely be a mixed bag. My current girlfriend was a great OKC find but I also had plenty of duds, a few "mehs" and a few that wound up as good friends. In my experience OKC reflects the larger area you are hunting in. I've had much better luck in the Minneapolis/ St Paul area than I ever did in Las Vegas. on the positive side it is free and I've found lots of amusement at seeing the strangely personal things folks put on their profiles.

"You do WHAT with your WHAT?!? And you just toss that out there like that?!? I'm just going to back away slowly now..."

And I agree with your comments about lighthearted chatting. Some people do enjoy comments fired out of the blue but I've found much more luck in showing that I am friendly, not a creepy walking nacho stain and interested in getting to know her as person.

And it's good to hear some doors are opening :-)


Kieviel wrote:
Ellis Mirari wrote:

Valid points, kievel. Naturally more goes into a relationship than a shared hobby or two, but I think most of the emotional connection and feeling (at least for me) come AFTER the getting-to-know-you stage, which depends upon having some common ground.

I hardly consider gaming a REQUIREMENT, but I think it's important. When I'm not focused on my work (illustration) gaming is what I spend most of my time thinking about or enjoying each week. Heck, if things go right for me, after I graduate the two will be one in the same. So I imagine I would have a hard time establishing that sort of connection with someone who was completely disinterested in it.

Have you tried maybe cultivating some interests outside of gaming? I completely understand how busy art school can be (my 1st degree was art ed) but having a couple other interests that you could meet somebody through could be an avenue to explore. Do you enjoy reading or some type of exercise? You say your in school for illustration, what about art history and/ or museums.

...

And it's good to hear some doors are opening :-)

I mean, of course I have other interests: I'm a film buff (was unsure for awhile about video or illustration for a major) and I enjoy reading novels and history books and other things... but isn't everybody? At least to a certain extent. I don't know anyone who doesn't like reading ANYTHING or watching ANY movies (though I'm sure there are people like that out there). Gaming is just my main bag. Like I said, while I wouldn't consider it a requirement, if my partner was totally disinterested and got annoyed when I tell gaming stories or talk about my games, I can't imagine such a relationship lasting very long, because it's one of several things I get really into and excited about. I feel I'm more likely to find success with people that are at least open to or casually interested in it than not.


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Not sure how relevant this is, but when I was a younger man, especially in my first years in college, I was somewhat focused on dating. That was all I wanted to do, and the more I tried, the harder it got to have a successful dating life.

Finally I got tired of it and decided to focus on things I enjoyed, including astronomy, photography, fishing, hunting, and, of course school. After a while I found myself no longer so needful of having a girlfriend or having a date on Fridays. I had other things I enjoyed.

And that's when my dating life took off and I found myself actually being a bit jealous of my time so I could go fishing or spend an evening with my telescope.

And then I was engaged. And now I've been married for almost 30 years. My wife doesn't game, but it doesn't matter.


Adamantine Dragon wrote:

Hey Adjule, at least you have hair.... Count your blessings man. You can always find a job, I'm not going to start growing hair again.

As far as your situation, in this economy your situation is not that unusual, at least as far as employment is concerned.

My roommate is 20 and he's starting to go gray already, and I'm pretty sure Steve Martin was 100% gray hair by the time he was 30.

Anyway, I'm sorry if the subject of the thread is getting you down, Adjule. Dating and relationships should never be something by which one measure's his success. It's not even a requirement.

If it makes you feel any better:

I'm asexual, and that makes it kind of difficult for me, too. Realizing that was one of several factors that led to my last relationship ending. So being in a relationship with someone who wants that on a regular basis can lead to one or both of us making too many compromises, or doing things we don't want to do. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't afraid for how that might chase some people away, like finding out about unemployment or other things might chase other people away, but I lose nothing for trying. You wouldn't, either, but only you know what you want.

I have also known plenty of women who felt the same way about themselves as you seem to about yourself.


Ellis Mirari wrote:
Adamantine Dragon wrote:

Hey Adjule, at least you have hair.... Count your blessings man. You can always find a job, I'm not going to start growing hair again.

As far as your situation, in this economy your situation is not that unusual, at least as far as employment is concerned.

My roommate is 20 and he's starting to go gray already, and I'm pretty sure Steve Martin was 100% gray hair by the time he was 30.

Anyway, I'm sorry if the subject of the thread is getting you down, Adjule. Dating and relationships should never be something by which one measure's his success. It's not even a requirement.

** spoiler omitted **

Been going gray since I was about 16, though it wasn't very noticeable back then. Now the corners of my beard are completely white, got white starting to outnumber the black on my chin and my "neckbeard" area is more white than black. I personally, have no problem with my white hair. I honestly can't wait for it to all turn, and had thought many a time of trying to dye my hair white when I was still in high school.

And I don't really care about having a relationship anymore. Gave up looking, and focusing on doing the stuff I like. In the process of converting some monsters to pathfinder rules for my campaign world. That's gonna take some time.

And, Adamantine Dragon: My bro-in-law is 7 months older than me (turning 33 near the end of October), and he's gone mostly bald. I do have a good chance of doing that as well. Both my mother's brothers and her father were completely bald, but my father (and his father) still have full heads of hair, though my dad's brothers are bald. So, I can keep my hair or it could abandon me. Bald is not a flattering look for me (I tried it once).


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Two gamers in one bed makes for ridiculously nerdy pillow talk. Just saying.

Worst case scenario: He calls out "1d4 plus strength! 1d4 plus strength!" while getting busy. She replies that he gets a minus two to hit and no bonus to damage for using an untrained weapon. ;)

Scarab Sages

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TanithT wrote:

Two gamers in one bed makes for ridiculously nerdy pillow talk. Just saying.

Worst case scenario: He calls out "1d4 plus strength! 1d4 plus strength!" while getting busy. She replies that he gets a minus two to hit and no bonus to damage for using an untrained weapon. ;)

My husband and I get a lot of entertainment out of talking to each other in gamerspeak. We often refer to ourselves as having failed saves or rolled well on a skill check.

Regarding finding someone to date, I believe it's much easier to find a dating partner when you're not looking so hard. I met my husband when I'd pretty much quit looking for a boyfriend and was just seeking the company of some people who shared my interests. Find friends first, and maybe one of them will turn out to be more than a friend.

Sovereign Court

TanithT wrote:

Two gamers in one bed makes for ridiculously nerdy pillow talk. Just saying.

Worst case scenario: He calls out "1d4 plus strength! 1d4 plus strength!" while getting busy. She replies that he gets a minus two to hit and no bonus to damage for using an untrained weapon. ;)

Way better than having to hear about how great Fifty Shades of Grey is. /shiver They give me a hard time about gaming but spout on about that tripe. :(


Heh. "Tripe".

My wife reads romance novels. I find that entire genre to be completely derivative and predictable. I've read a few because I just read a lot and felt like checking the genre out. There are some decent romance novels out there, like "The Thorn Birds". But most are just the same story told over and over again with different names and settings.

But before I comment to my wife about my opinion of her favorite genre, I take a hard look at the westerns that I read and whether I like to admit it or not, most westerns are the same story told over and over again with different names, and many of them are actually the SAME setting.

So I figure it's all just about taste....

Liberty's Edge

I've been married 11 years now and though my wife wasn't a "gamer" when we first met, she was into roleplaying which was the most important aspect for me. We met in the yahoo chat back in the day and she loved roleplaying as did I (I actually enjoy the roleplaying aspect of D&D usually above the rest of it). She was always interested in actual table top gaming but just never had a chance to play with anyone and now we play together or we did but we've had a sad dry spell with a severe lack of people to play with.

Even with that we still roleplay our characters with one another and tell stories. I knew before I ever met her that yes, I honestly believed this Gaming/Roleplaying interest pretty much HAD to be there. It's just too much a part of who I am not to share that with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I did just have the realization that I answered this question in a completely serious and straight forward way and I feel like I have a reputation to maintain.

So another benefit of dating a gamer is that neither side has to be offended when the other wants to pretend they are someone else in bed.


There's a quote I read online once, don't remember who said it:

"I don't believe that if you've seen one Western you've seen them all, but when you've seen them all, you get the feeling that you've only seen one."


Randarak wrote:

In my life, I have been fortunate enough to have met three girlfriends for long term relationships through gaming. It was definitely a catalyst that helped to develop the relationships.

I'm married now, and my wife knew nothing of gaming when we met, and now she enthusiastically plays in my weekly campaign. Its definitely contributed to the success of our marriage (15 years and counting).

I am in a similar situation to you. 2 years and counting!


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Pan wrote:
Way better than having to hear about how great Fifty Shades of Grey is. /shiver They give me a hard time about gaming but spout on about that tripe. :(

That's all right. You just have to explain you're not THAT kind of Dungeon Master, and your players get saving throws rather than safewords. ;)

Sovereign Court

TanithT wrote:
Pan wrote:
Way better than having to hear about how great Fifty Shades of Grey is. /shiver They give me a hard time about gaming but spout on about that tripe. :(
That's all right. You just have to explain you're not THAT kind of Dungeon Master, and your players get saving throws rather than safewords. ;)

/fistbump


My wife and I met online. Our mutual interest in RPG's is what led to us meeting, actually. Gaming is how we broke the ice and started talking. A year later we got together, and have been that way since.

Although, she was much more the "Freeform Pbp/LARP" type, whereas I like to sit at a table, with stacks of books, piles of minis and roll dice. She's joined in on a few D&D/PF games here and there, but she's not into all the mechanics and dice rolling.

Before her, I dated a lot of non-gamers, and most of them were generally indifferent about RPG's. They weren't turned away by it, they just saw it as a hobby of mine and didn't seem bothered by it.


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Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

I've never actually dated another gamer.

When I was in college back in the late '80s, I was pretty active in the campus RPG club. There were a few female gamers in the group (outnumbered by men about eight-to-one), and there were three that I was actually interested in romatically. Of course, none of them were into me, which was a bit disappointing, but that's life.

I was also in the outdoors club, and that's where I tended to meet women that I dated. I had a couple of flings and two longer-term relationships with women I met at the outdoors club. The second of those stuck. We've been together for 25 years (and married for 19).

My wife isn't a gamer, but she does understand it, and she encourages my hobby. When I go out gaming (or have people over for a game) she affectionally calls it "Nerd Night."

She has her own hobbies that I'm not terribly interested in, so it all balances out. It actually worked out very well when our kid was little. When I went gaming, my wife was the parent on duty; when she went out, I was.

Liberty's Edge

I posted my own personal story without I suppose actually answering any questions but I guess it all comes down to personal preference, Ellis. In your previous relationship, were they a gamer as well? Whichever, did you ever wish it the opposite?

Do you like the idea of "personal time" over "couples time" when it comes to your gaming sessions?

I know if anything happening in my current relationship (like she wised up and realized she's too awesome for me :P) I don't think I could with a non-roleplayer/gamer. I suppose the RP side is WAY more important to me then the tabletop side so thats probably the weird dealbreaker for me. But again, that's ME. Other people have said in thread they'd never want to be with a gamer as its their "me" time.

So what do you think works for you?


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When I was 17 I met a girl who pretended to like D&D for my sake.

We got married when I was 18 (five days before my 19th birthday)

We are going to Ketchum, Idaho in a couple of weeks to celebrate our 31st anniversary.

For the past 33 years she has been the only girl I’ve dated.

I don’t have much more than that to say.

She is my Samwise.


Misery wrote:

I posted my own personal story without I suppose actually answering any questions but I guess it all comes down to personal preference, Ellis. In your previous relationship, were they a gamer as well? Whichever, did you ever wish it the opposite?

Do you like the idea of "personal time" over "couples time" when it comes to your gaming sessions?

I know if anything happening in my current relationship (like she wised up and realized she's too awesome for me :P) I don't think I could with a non-roleplayer/gamer. I suppose the RP side is WAY more important to me then the tabletop side so thats probably the weird dealbreaker for me. But again, that's ME. Other people have said in thread they'd never want to be with a gamer as its their "me" time.

So what do you think works for you?

The previous two (the only ones I count) were both video gamers, but not table-toppers. The former got into it after we broke up senior year, and we've gamed a few times since, while the latter was doing it when we met but realized they couldn't focus on it and hung it up, though they were still interested in it and liked hearing stories/sitting in on games.

EDIT: Generally the type of person I find myself romantically attracted to (aside from finding them aesthetically attractive) is creative thinker and lover of stories, which is generally the type of person that will enjoy tabletop.

Liberty's Edge

Ellis Mirari wrote:
Misery wrote:

I posted my own personal story without I suppose actually answering any questions but I guess it all comes down to personal preference, Ellis. In your previous relationship, were they a gamer as well? Whichever, did you ever wish it the opposite?

Do you like the idea of "personal time" over "couples time" when it comes to your gaming sessions?

I know if anything happening in my current relationship (like she wised up and realized she's too awesome for me :P) I don't think I could with a non-roleplayer/gamer. I suppose the RP side is WAY more important to me then the tabletop side so thats probably the weird dealbreaker for me. But again, that's ME. Other people have said in thread they'd never want to be with a gamer as its their "me" time.

So what do you think works for you?

The previous two (the only ones I count) were both video gamers, but not table-toppers. The former got into it after we broke up senior year, and we've gamed a few times since, while the latter was doing it when we met but realized they couldn't focus on it and hung it up, though they were still interested in it and liked hearing stories/sitting in on games.

EDIT: Generally the type of person I find myself romantically attracted to (aside from finding them aesthetically attractive) is creative thinker and lover of stories, which is generally the type of person that will enjoy tabletop.

I understand this entirely. It's the same for me and if that's what you really want I PERSONALLY see no issue allowing yourself to have that standard/set that bar. At least when it comes to the whole "this is the forever" relationship.

I do know some tabletop games can be less interesting then others for creative thinkers and lover of stories as you said it. My wife and I met RPing in free form chat like I said and still RP back and forth in e-mails. Some tabletop games can be far more "kill kill loot" but then again we both generally find these more boring (though I have enjoyed a few at times like this).


Misery wrote:
Ellis Mirari wrote:
Misery wrote:

I posted my own personal story without I suppose actually answering any questions but I guess it all comes down to personal preference, Ellis. In your previous relationship, were they a gamer as well? Whichever, did you ever wish it the opposite?

Do you like the idea of "personal time" over "couples time" when it comes to your gaming sessions?

I know if anything happening in my current relationship (like she wised up and realized she's too awesome for me :P) I don't think I could with a non-roleplayer/gamer. I suppose the RP side is WAY more important to me then the tabletop side so thats probably the weird dealbreaker for me. But again, that's ME. Other people have said in thread they'd never want to be with a gamer as its their "me" time.

So what do you think works for you?

The previous two (the only ones I count) were both video gamers, but not table-toppers. The former got into it after we broke up senior year, and we've gamed a few times since, while the latter was doing it when we met but realized they couldn't focus on it and hung it up, though they were still interested in it and liked hearing stories/sitting in on games.

EDIT: Generally the type of person I find myself romantically attracted to (aside from finding them aesthetically attractive) is creative thinker and lover of stories, which is generally the type of person that will enjoy tabletop.

I understand this entirely. It's the same for me and if that's what you really want I PERSONALLY see no issue allowing yourself to have that standard/set that bar. At least when it comes to the whole "this is the forever" relationship.

I do know some tabletop games can be less interesting then others for creative thinkers and lover of stories as you said it. My wife and I met RPing in free form chat like I said and still RP back and forth in e-mails. Some tabletop games can be far more "kill kill loot" but then again we both generally find these more boring (though...

That's one reason I keep sticking with Pathfinder ultimately: there's a lot of room for roleplaying and any sort of story you could come up with, but the game still has all the crunch I can sink my teeth into. It's a great middle ground.

Liberty's Edge

Ellis Mirari wrote:
That's one reason I keep sticking with Pathfinder ultimately: there's a lot of room for roleplaying and any sort of story you could come up with, but the game still has all the crunch I can sink my teeth into. It's a great middle ground.

It's a good system.

Whatever way you decide is important, best of luck out there dude/dudette/person.


Sharing my hobby is as close to necessity as it can without actually being a deal breaker, if that makes sense.


@Miser Thanks.

@KarlbadmannerV2 I think I know what you mean.

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