Has anyone in your group ever made you question why you play the game?
One of the players in our group had been having character troubles for a few session. In our last session, after a trying moment of RP, they walked away from the table. We ask the player to come back and they responded that their character wasn't there anymore. We were all stunned and ask what they meant. All the player would say was that their character wasn't there in the morning when the other characters woke up.
Eventualy I got mad and yelled at the player until they came back and told us there was a note in the room they shared with another character. The player gave us 5 seconds of what the note said and walked off again.
The player had just completely abandoned the other players, the game, the narative, and hadn't wanted to even give the rest of the table something to work with. They weren't happy with the character they had made, so they abandoned us after months of weekly gaming sessions.
What really bothered me though, was the remaining players. They acted like we must have done something wrong. They were angry with me for forcing the player to give us closure. No one was mad but me for having been left in the lurch, but I realized they would have been if I had done it. I was the bad guy for being mad about being abandoned, and I still would have been the bad guy if I had done the abandoning.
It's a moment that has made me question why I even bother playing.
Was there something completely over the top in the "trying moment of RP"? Rape, torture, betrayal, humiliation? Had there been any word from the player about not being comfortable there or in the "character troubles for a few sessions"? If yes to either of these, then you have your answer and don't push further. Let things calm down, apologize for your part of it if there was one, and talk to the player in a while again (or don't).
If no to both of the above questions, accept that the player had reasons they did not share with you and play on with the rest of the group. If they come back to you, ask them why they left then.
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From the way the player reacted I would have assumed something major was up - likely something from their real life. I wouldn't have got mad - after all it is only a game - and asked if they were alright. I personally feel getting mad and yelling at them was not a good move I am afraid.
I would have called a halt to the game for the night and informed the player that if they want to chat to let me know and that if they did want to return to the game they could - just give me a bit of notice.
If it was obvious there was no emotional stuff going on and that maybe the player was simply bored with the game, or had been asked to play in a different game on the same night or something I would have asked if they could do us a favour of a playing an extra session where we could write out their character and do our best to wrap up any loose ends that are tied to their PC.
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Never make important decisions when bummed down or euphoric. Give the thing some time to settle and only then wonder about whether you should be playing or not.
Give the same option to the player. Contact him in a while and ask him what's wrong. I've always felt part of our job as DMs is to also be the guy in charge of making sure the group sticks together, and that means some level of support work with the people behind the PCs. Maybe he's going through something big (parents breaking up, problems with the girlfriend/wife, job-related issues, etc), and that too may cause someone to act rashly.
Due to the way they work, regular RPG groups are important social settings that are not the kind of stuff you should take lightly, because they create very strong bonds between the participants. As such, I'd venture to say that this particular situation is the result of something external that's bothering him enough to make such a display.
Wait a week, then meet for a burger or something in private and talk things out.
Some great advice coming in. Somewhere I may have made the wrong impression. I'm not the GM. Getting mad wasn't a great idea. It was born out of frustration. The player has been building a habit of throwing fit when they can't have their way, and I lost my temper.
Whats bothering me the most isn't the play who walked away. I can understand frustration and life issues creeping into the game. I had a pretty stressful time from a while back that saw me letting stress into game sessions. What bothers me is the double standard from the other players. They accepted the player's action and were rightly stunned by. The problem is that I know from that stressful time I went through, that the same would not have been accepted of myself. Its made me question my place in the group. Perhaps I don't fit right, perhaps I'm a huge jerk, either way I'm not sure I want to continue.
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You have basically two things to consider. You could try to talk to the player in question, which you should wait a bit to do. Second, you need to decide if you want to keep on playing in that group. If your reaction and their reaction to that were due to issues in your life, then maybe it's not so much a problem? Generally, waiting and seeing is always an option. Not every decision needs to be made immediately.
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99% chance that there is more to this story than "Wow, player just up and quit in the middle of a game session."
Here are the things that make me wonder every now and then why I play this game:
1. I have to restructure my entire shelving system to put my new books on the shelf.
2. I move to a new home and it takes me two months to get my gaming room set up properly, just due to the sheer volume of game paraphernalia I have to get organized.
3. The only time my main game group can get together just happens to coincide with a family member's birthday or some important family event like an anniversary or something.
4. I realize it's been four months going on two years since our last game session.
I think you need to wonder not "why" you play this game... but "if" you play it at all...
4. I realize it's been four months going on two years since our last game session.
Heh... sure feels that way.
I do have a weekend game this weekend, for the first time in four months.
But to answer the question. Yes, yes I do, and I'll tell you why.
Sometimes it breaks my heart to think that I play this game for how much fun it adds to my life only to realize that most people see it as a waste of my time.
Let's be honest, a lot of people in our lives just don't understand why this is so much fun for us, people we love, people who we want to love us, just don't understand. They don't see how this game is a release for us. How it frees us. How it lets a part of our minds run away and do and be all the things that it wants to be, in fantasy.
And I know it is just make believe, and that is okay with me, I came to terms with it over thirty years ago. But it is often so very hard to accept that there are always going to be people who just don't get it.
And I can turn my back on most of them. It isn't important that everyone understands why this is so much fun for me. But often there are people that we desperately want for them to understand why this is so much fun for us, and they never will, and that hurts.
Important people outside our lives not getting it is a classic trouble of gamers everywhere. Its sad that as "gamer" culture becomes more main stream the people with pen and paper are still dealing with the old sstereotypes.
RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32
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Eventualy I got mad and yelled at the player...
What really bothered me though, was the remaining players. They acted like we must have done something wrong. They were angry with me for forcing the player to give us closure.
Yes, you should definitely be asking yourself why you play this game, and probably some other questions too.
Terquem, I hear ya man...
When I first started playing RPGs the cultural environment was far more hostile to the endeavor that it is today. Today RPGs are satirized on shows like "The Big Bang Theory" as an activity that is mostly involving geeks or socially awkward males. Back in the mid to late seventies RPGs were quite literally being blamed for serial killings, schizophrenia and was mostly associated with devil worship and pagan rituals. Today a friend who learns I game might sneer a bit about my geek tendencies, but back then I literally had people "report" me to their church and ended up with interventions in my dorm room where a group of people I had never met were trying to save my soul. I lost life-long friends who convinced themselves they had to choose between following their religion or remaining friends with me. (A couple actually chose option B there..)
While everyone engages in their preferred hobbies for a lot of reasons, and it is rare that two people in the same hobby do it for the same reason or from the same external stimuli, I do want to expand upon the reasons that people game since most of my reasons don't appear on your list.
I really don't consider gaming to be "escapism" for me, not in the sense that most people talk about "escapism." Not any more than a night of playing poker or following a fantasy football team is "escapism." To me "escapism" implies that there is some need to escape from something. I suppose when I personally feel like I desperately need some form of release from all the worries and cares of day to day life, my mind turns more to grabbing my fishing pole than it does to grabbing my dice bag. And frankly, my wife and family are well aware that when daddy grabs the fishing pole and heads out, he's going to be GONE and OUT OF TOUCH for most of the day, not just over at a friend's house for a few hours.
Perhaps I am fortunate in that my family and friends today view my gaming to be a much more acceptable hobby than they did 35 years ago. My kids have gamed a bit with me over the years, but they are more into video games than RPGs. My wife just isn't into any sort of gaming except some of those bizarre Facebook games. But they indulge my gaming hobby as one of the least impacting hobbies on the family that I have. After all, I might be out for an evening playing a game, but when there's a comet in the sky, I might be outside with my telescopes all night.
Do I ever wonder why I bother playing? Hell no. Sometimes I wonder why I might bother investing time in a specific element of the game when it goes unappreciated by the person I'm doing it for, but not playing in general. It's a hobby I enjoy - a lot. And I will continue to enjoy it even if other people don't appreciate it or even understand it. They don't have to if it's not their hobby, they just have to give me the same space to practice my hobbies as I give them theirs.
I'm with Bill. Might get frustrated over a particular bit of the hobby, but never considered it a waste of time nor wondered why I took the time and effort.
I miss it too much when it's gone.
Its heartwarming to see all the varied and passionate responses coming in. I'd like to thank you all for being such a wonderful and diverse community. You've all given me a lot to think about.
Do I ever wonder why I game? Not really. Yes, I have thosem oments of "why am I playing [in this particular game] right now?" when a particular session is going south or I'm playtesting a friend's system and getting shafting by his overly complicated rules *grumble grumble*...
But I've never really wondered why in general I keep going back to gaming.
1. It inspires my work. As an illustration student and hobbyist writer, my years of DnD and Pathfinder have been a huge boon on both my storytelling ability and my concepts for painting. There are a lot of ways I recharge my creative batteries (going to the movies, picking up an art book, sitting with a cup of tea while I blast the Decemberists for an hour or two), but gaming is unequivocally the best.
2. It's the main ay I connect with my friends. Some of the most animated, involved conversation I've had in the past two-some years at college have been telling tabletop war stories over breakfast or debating over game design philosophy. Like the previous reason, it's not the only social thread I weave into, but it's one of the few things that tie us all together. I'm fortunate I think that I go to a art school, where there is a decidedly greater percent of people who are into this hobby than elsewhere.
Last but not least
3. More often than not, it's a great f#$king time.
While I've never really questioned why I bother playing, I have had times where I've wondered if all the effort I put into running games is appreciated. In fact, I'm in the midst of some pretty severe GM burn-out even as I type this.
For me, thoughts of "why do I bother" usually begin to surface when people can't be respectful enough to ignore Tumblr/YouTube or cut the small talk during live games, or they can't remember events that have happened to their own characters in a PbP. Getting the game ready and running it is already a tremendous investment of time and energy without having to demand basic levels of courtesy and engagement.
So yes, even if I've never asked "why do I bother" as a player, I definitely know that feeling from the other side of the screen.
What exactly happened in that "trying moment of RP" ?
I'm curious about that too. Whether the content of that moment of RP was offensive or not, chances are it meant enough for that person to consider the same question: why do I bother playing this game. Looks like his/her answer was "it's not worth it".
Once in a while, I ask myself the same question. Usually when things get "bothersome", it's time for me to take a break; sometimes from that particular game, sometimes from that particular group, sometimes from the hobby itself. In my case it rarely was directed to a game/player/content at the table, but about other things in life making table-top RPG difficult to enjoy, from blissful moments like marriage or childbirth to work over-load or depression.
I love RP, but I prefer when it remains a fun game. When it stops being fun, I'm out.
'findel
Sometimes I do wonder if my players are having fun. When a combat is dragging on without anything too out-of-the-ordinary happening, I start to wonder if everyone is getting bored and feel a little bad. After the session everyone's attitude seems to suggest otherwise, but I can't help those moments of self-doubt.
Likewise. And I've had some times of commiserating with players who didn't have fun at a particular session for one reason or another. I'm pretty quick to ask what I can do to help improve the experience. Actually implementing it is sometimes trickier, but at least I generally can find out pretty quick what went wrong and what I can do to help.