I would appreciate some criticism


Homebrew and House Rules

51 to 62 of 62 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>

@ G squared: Hot air balloon = terrible storm. The PCs think they're getting away then WHAM! When they come to they're on a different side of the same island. Only here they don't find friendly townsfolk. This is where the Unrepentant live.

You see, everyone here has died at sea. Many resign themselves to their fate and remain in limbo. These are the Townsfolk. They are content with life on the island and are synonymous with the faceless masses of folk in the Mortal world who go about their lives unquestioningly accepting what fate has in store for them.

Then there are the Ascendant. This is what the characters should hope to be. They've been delivered to the island but they still strive to right some wrong, progress in their afterlife and achieve something for the betterment of someone or something greater than themselves. Myths on the island speak of these fortunates disappearing from the island and "Moving On" as the Townsfolk describe it.

Finally there are the Unrepentant. These selfish and sinful souls are neither content with their lives or willing to work toward the betterment of anything but themselves. They never stop attempting to flee of their own accord, forever convinced that they are owed some reward, some recompense or compensation for the cruel hand fate has dealt them. Over time these haggard souls become hunched, horrid and hateful. Their bodies twist, their eyes bulge, their teeth wither. They are truly accursed; never allowed Final Deliverance yet also ever seeking the pleasure life denied them.

GM note: For the Unrepentant you might use creatures who by fluff or mechanics need something to survive beyond normal food, water and shelter. Some examples include ghouls (carrion), gluttonous creatures such as trolls or goblins (with their gluttony of course obscenely exaggerated), dragons or other greedy beings who hoard treasure, vampires (blood), or twisted hags/witches who crave and drain Charisma (vanity). You might also include harpies, lamias or other ability drain creatures as well.

You see, I like this idea of a limbo state. Search around for Laurefindel's homebrew she came up with, about a shadowy world made up of one giant forest sort of along the same lines. Anyway, I don't know if J. Alpaca's vision matches mine, but what I thought the more the OP expanded on his excellent creation is that it's like a holding cell. If you die and Pharasma just plain doesn't know what to do with you for some reason (if using the Golarion deities) then you wind up on The Island. Here you are tested. If you simply don't rise to the challenge, you become one of the Townsfolk and are left there, presumably for eternity. However the test is always some personal one, relevant to your last incarnation. If you succeed in striving toward something greater than yourself, you become one of the Ascendant and rotate out of limbo for the next life, whatever that might be. In other words, you've put yourself back on Pharasma's radar.

If however you refuse to accept that there's ANYTHING more important than your own needs and gratifications, then you not only remain, but become Unrepentant. This changes and mutates you, based on the sin or desire that is so overwhelming you can't get past it and move on. The greatest among the Unrepentant might, in turn, attract the notice of other immortals, themselves aligned with the motivations of the vile creature in limbo.

Perhaps as a subplot you might have a member of the Unrepentant trying to not only break out of the dark prison-like side of the island but actually take over the whole bloody thing. If they succeed the Townsfolk become overwhelmed with apathy, becoming robotic slaves to the Unrepentant leader. The characters' test then becomes not only to discover the nature of this place and its people, but then to stop the tyrannical darkness that threatens to consume it.


So it's like my pre=petitioners in the land of the dead, sort of.
Any spirit who reaches the living world becomes an undead, in my version.
I now have some idea what kind of game world it is, so I will make more informed suggestions.


Really dedicated world-building GMs are a lot like authors. And one of the biggest dangers authors face, especially new ones, is falling in love with their work and equating time spent on it = quality. They often get defensive and over-protective of their ideas and honestly can't see why anyone wouldn't love every bit of their world.

That's problem enough in a 100% controlled environment like a book or movie, where you can dictate what the main characters do and how they react to situations. In a game, where the main characters are owned and operated by other people, it's disastrous.

What I'm getting at, in a hopefully reasonable and considerate way, is that over-plotting is a common problem in a GM's early world-building efforts, and you have to watch out for it. You can't fully determine the outcome of every scene before it plays out, because the PCs can and will surprise you. Some flexibility must be built in, some storylines left open to explore or abandon as the players choose. You can have a story arc building up to a preset climax--but you have to let the players choose their own way to get there.


JPacacha, let me see if I can address some of your comments.

First, you say you have Aspergers. I can relate. My son is high-functioning autistic and has been diagnosed by some doctors as having Aspergers. The "difference" between Aspergers and High Functioning Autism is becoming more and more blurred every day.

Regardless, the two conditions are similar enough that I can understand some of your reaction. And I do sympathize with anyone who deals with any Spectrum Disorder diagnosis.

I will tell you what I tell my son when he finds things difficult.

By and large the world is not going to care about your Aspergers anymore than the world cares about my son's autism. People are going to act the way people act, and he, and you, will have to learn to deal with it.

I have reread my comments to you many times, and I don't believe they were remotely as negative as you feel they were. In fact from my own perspective your violent and insulting responses to my critique is far more bothersome than my initial criticism was.

And JPacacha, that's what you ASKED for. So that's what you got.

If you want validation, ask for validation. If you ask for criticism, expect criticism.

If you actually want more specific feedback, PM me the link to your document and I'll read through it. I used to be a magazine editor, and I can certainly edit a manuscript.

If you REALLY want to see true criticism JPacacha, send your manuscript to an editor. I can tell you from personal experience that my comments were downright gentle compared to what editors do on a daily basis.


I just realized . . . the idea sounds a lot like TSR's Ravenloft "Realms of Terror" world.

PCs are trapped on an island/domain by DM fiat and can't leave except by DM fiat.

The NPC townsfolk are mostly figments created by the Domain to further torture the BBEG. Interacting with them is therefore an exercise in futility, because they have no real motivation (or since the Domain takes care of all the necessities of life).

The PCs get to interact with phantoms while trying to 'find their way back home.' And when they finally accomplish something? It's all DM Fiat as to where they go.

Yeah, that is an example of really bad world design.

Don't do that.

Create a world with meaningful choices.

I think the Kobold's Guide to World Building from Open Design is probably a good choice of reading material.


JPacha, I had actually had to wait several days to calm down before responding to your tirade. AS SOMEONE DIAGNOSED WITH ASPERGERS, I feel Like your attempt to guilt people with your condition was a tremendous step back for our community as a whole. I understand your feelings were hurt, but when you pull something like that you stop representing yourself and start representing the autistic community. There are those of us who have fought against being treated like we were made of glass all our lives. I know of one quite personally. I do believe you were trying to stand up for yourself (though I also believe you were reading AD's post in a more negative context than I was). But the moment you used your autism as some sort of a security against rough criticism, was the moment you stepped over a very personal line with me and undoubtedly several others. I don't think you're a bad person, but these things need to be thought out before the posted for the world to see. If you simply don't care, then I clearly misjudged you.


I have paranoid schizophrenia so these flame wars hit me personally from both sides. I'm gonna have to hide this topic.


Goth Guru wrote:
I have paranoid schizophrenia so these flame wars hit me personally from both sides. I'm gonna have to hide this topic.

No, no Goth, it's not paranoia...

We really ARE out to get you.


I'm having flashbacks to my first week of art school. I was one of the best artists in my high school. Yeah yeah...big fish in a little pond. Went off to school and I thought my s&*t did not stink. Little did I realise that I was not longer the big fish. Posted what I thought was awesome art on the wall for critique and the teacher in front of everyone said. "This looks like bad lawn art".

That's all he said, he did not elaborate. He just moved on to the next artist. Felt like I got puched in the gut.

But he was right...it was crap.

In all creative endeavors develop thick skin to protect from the slings and arrows of criticism. Sometime it's just bad lawn art and there is no other way to say it.

-MD


@ Harold and Maud': that stinks dude. Did you stick w/the art thing? I ask b/cause my wife got some criticism like that in college; she stuck it out long enough to get an art degree but then quit being creative for like 10 years, keeping her creations as a private hobby. It wasn't until she had another "pond" to market to.

Anyway, @ J-bird: I'm sorry if the comments here weren't what you wanted to hear. Sometimes though its the stuff we don't want to hear that we need to hear. You haven't posted here for a while - I hope you're not still cheesed off. I hope the game goes/is going well.

Sovereign Court

The one thing that hinders you the most in life, after lack of skill and talent, is believing that you are already better than everyone else.

Meaning that you let yourself believe that something you created is perfect, when in reality it is flawed. There's a limited number of skilled writers in the world - and the window is narrow. If you write something and can't handle the crtique, you're only limiting yourself instead of evolving and further developing yourself. At least, that's what I believe.


A lot of you gave really good advice. I'm considering posting some of my campaign stuff for review, when, if ever, I finish.

@ Doug's Workshop: I love Ravenloft. That said, it's not for everyone.

@ Jpacacha: I'm going to have to agree with many of the posters here--it's hard to play a character when you're not sure who they are. Starting the characters off with no memories means that their players are going to have to "wing" every action. I'd suggest you allow them to retain memories of who they are and where they've been. Could give 'em a big hole in their memories, though, in regards to recent events. They could remember up until whatever event brought them to the island. You maintain the mystery this way whilst also allowing for personally motivated characters.

PS - The player characters' backstories are a treasure trove of information. Use what you find there to your benefit by creating story arcs that personally motivate them, as Mark was saying. It's the best (and easiest) way to engage your players. Oh, and good luck!

51 to 62 of 62 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Pathfinder / Pathfinder First Edition / Homebrew and House Rules / I would appreciate some criticism All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.
Recent threads in Homebrew and House Rules