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I’m on a quest to make the most irritating Bard in the universe, and have decided to make him sprout a one-liner after every action in combat.
Unfortunately I can't think of many. Please help
His combat options
-Sword
-Bow
-Net
-Whip (for tripping & disarming)
-Grease spell
-Dazzling Display
The puns can also relate to specific enemies that he's fighting at the time like, "Time to deal with the root of the problem!" when attacking plants.
The more terrible, the better

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Looks like your stuck between a rock and a Bard place!
I'm here to kick-ass & screw Prostitutes, and I'm all out of prostitutes.
Fighting Bandits: Bandit!? More like band-aid!
Fighting wolves: Time for you to 'pack' your bags
more wolves: Huff & puff this!
Fighting bears: This sword was too hot!
On an enemy miss: That swing was so poor, it sells Big-Issue magazine

Adamantine Dragon |

"I hope you got the point!"
"You just can't cut it can you?" (when an attack mises the bard)
"Hope you have a nice trip!"
"The nearer your destination, the more you're slip-sliding away."
"Pay no attention to the bard behind the meat shield!"
"No Mr. goblin, I wand you to die!" (assuming your bard uses wands)
"Is that an arrow in your spleen, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Death is easy, bad punning is hard."
"Goose! Goose! er... sorry, I meant 'duck'."
"You should avoid unnecessary entanglements."
"Pew! Pew! Pew!" upon full attacking with a bow.
"Inspire courage means never having to say you're sorry."
etc. etc..

![]() |

I’m on a quest to make the most irritating Bard in the universe, and have decided to make him sprout a one-liner after every action in combat.
Unfortunately I can't think of many. Please help
His combat options
-Sword
-Bow
-Net
-Whip (for tripping & disarming)
-Grease spell
-Dazzling DisplayThe puns can also relate to specific enemies that he's fighting at the time like, "Time to deal with the root of the problem!" when attacking plants.
The more terrible, the better
You MUST go read Order of the Stick. Here's why, but you'll want to start at the beginning and read the whole series:
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0390.html
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0391.html
http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0761.html

ngc7293 |

Pull out your Whip: "Time for some Goblin hobblin'!"
Pull out your bow: "Time to give an arrow the Gnoll... ya know?"
(you wanted bad puns)
"Who want's to bet on bredth of the net?"
(bredth is a word right?)
Trident: "Stick a fork in the Orc see if he's done!"
(against were rats?) "Time for some slice and dice advice for the mice!"