Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Selene Spires |
Selene Spires wrote:Is there anymore questions out there?Reaching back into the time before …
* - What attracted you to Paizo?
* - What was your first Paizo product purchase?
They decided to continue and improve on a edition of the game I enjoyed.
The 1sr ed Pathfinder Corebook
Unless you count Dragon Magazine.
Ambrosia Slaad |
4 people marked this as a favorite. |
Perpdepog wrote:How come cars have boots and trunks, but no socks?There are car socks...they are used for snow instead of tire chains
My sister's first car, a 1977 MGB, not only had a boot and a top, it even had a bra (scandalous pic)!
Selene Spires |
4 people marked this as a favorite. |
Selene Spires wrote:My sister's first car, a 1977 MGB, not only had a boot and a top, it even had a bra (scandalous pic)!Perpdepog wrote:How come cars have boots and trunks, but no socks?There are car socks...they are used for snow instead of tire chains
OMG!
A NSFW warning next time!
;)
Selene Spires |
Why can't a pirate ever finish the alphabet?
I dont know...
And I am sorry but I learned yesterday a 'friend' of mine has been stabbing me in the back. And trying to sabotage my relationships with people.
He has been telling people I am not really Trans. And criticizing me as RPer. His claim is I just play one character.
The only similarity between my characters is a play is that they are non straight female. Even after I came out and explained that I it...he still harps on it.
So yeah that is my life.
Selene Spires |
Update on the above
Maybe it was paranoia...I dont know. Probably not as bad as it seems...but probably still a area concern.
Lately it seems alot of people are saying stuff behind my back.
I have been at the lowest point in my life...I dont expect a hand up from people anymore I just want them to stop kicking me when I am down.
Sigh.
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Master Pugwampi |
Feros |
Update on the above
Maybe it was paranoia...I dont know. Probably not as bad as it seems...but probably still a area concern.Lately it seems alot of people are saying stuff behind my back.
I have been at the lowest point in my life...I dont expect a hand up from people anymore I just want them to stop kicking me when I am down.Sigh.
So sorry, Selene. Hope things look up soon.
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
The only similarity between my characters is a play is that they are non straight female. Even after I came out and explained that I it...he still harps on it.
What does he play?
I ask because the vast majority of my RPG characters are Straight, CIS Male. And, yet no one would call my characters the same.
Is it possible that "non straight female" so bothers him that it becomes all he can see?
Selene Spires |
Selene Spires wrote:The only similarity between my characters is a play is that they are non straight female. Even after I came out and explained that I it...he still harps on it.What does he play?
I ask because the vast majority of my RPG characters are Straight, CIS Male. And, yet no one would call my characters the same.
Is it possible that "non straight female" so bothers him that it becomes all he can see?
He plays one of three archetypes
1) Big strong guy
2) Creepy mage or psychic type
3) a female character usually the same
His stated offense to me is that he feels they should be a limited number of slots per party for either female and/or LGBTQ+ characters in a game...his logic being that multiple of this type makes them less special? I think it makes no sense to me.
I also tend to sex positive characters...which couple with being LGBTQ+ character he found (being a Cis Male himself) to be a offensive stereotype. Though he had the good sense to drop this argument after I came out to that group. Though I know he still thought it.
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
His stated offense to me is that he feels they should be a limited number of slots per party for either female
Wait, what??
and/or LGBTQ+ characters in a game...his logic being that multiple of this type makes them less special? I think it makes no sense to me.
How about limiting the number of Male, Cisgender, or straight characters? Try suggesting that to him and see his response. If that sounds silly, it is because putting a "quota" on certain character types is silly.
This is not quite the same as trying to balance fighter/rogue/cleric/mage types in a party (which may still be wrong), but at least that has some logic behind it.[/ooc]
I also tend to sex positive characters...which couple with being LGBTQ+ character he found (being a Cis Male himself) to be a offensive stereotype.
I bet he "thinks" of himself as progressive.
Though he had the good sense to drop this argument after I came out to that group. Though I know he still thought it.
Likely so. :(
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Selene Spires wrote:His stated offense to me is that he feels they should be a limited number of slots per party for either female and/or LGBTQ+ characters in a game...his logic being that multiple of this type makes them less special?Ah, so he's a bigot.
Who thinks he is being progressive.
Ambrosia Slaad |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |
He may or may not want to paint himself as an ally. He might even have done some significant mental gymnastics to convince himself that he is.
But his actions define him, and his own actions define him as not an ally. His own actions define him as intolerant and insecure.
Women make up over 50% of the world's population. I don't think he'd be very happy if the GM and the rest of the players said he had to play a woman character 50% of the time to "balance the party." Chinese people make up nearly 19%-20% of the world's population; I don't think he'd be happy if 1 out of 5 of his characters had to be a Chinese analogue to "balance the party."
A lot of straight white dudes have a conniption because they think representation is zero sum; so if women, LGBTIQ+ people, and people of color have increased inclusion and representation, that means they somehow "lose." They don't understand that they've grown from childhood to adulthood in a world where straight white dude is still the default viewpoint for most of all movies, tv shows, stories, and games. On the other hand, women, LGBTIQ+ people, and people of color have all grown up having to find pieces of themselves in those same media by having to empathize with straight white male characters. He doesn't understand what it's like to not be represented because he's been swimming in representation like a fish in water since he was a kid.
At the very least, your problematic player is lazy, unimaginative, and trying to make choices for another player's character. Even if he isn't a bigot, he needs to rethink what he's really bringing to the game and how he's negatively affecting at least one other player.
Your desire to play characters who represent aspects of your personality or to explore different roles that may prove entertaining isn't asking for special consideration. You're not seeking to grandstand or hog the spotlight or to make other characters (and players) less special. He's the one with the problems as a player and a person, not you.
Selene Spires |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
What I need is to find a healthier discord gaming thing to join.
Mmmm....or make one.
I am tired of people telling me they hundred support me and are strong allies. But when I point hey this looks bad...or i am getting g bad feelings from x...oh I am just imaging it. Nah it looks perfectly good to me. These people have never said y to me about it.
In the L5R game I played.
I am the only LGBTQ+ player and character (also GM)
Every Lebian NPC my character had a relationship was either evil, was killed , or became irrelevant.(to be fair there was one but it wasn't a healthy relationship)
The one lesbian NPC that my character didn't have relationship with died.
The only happy Lesbian couple was NPCs I used as GM.
L5R 5th edition was made to be inclusive.
Yet when I point this out I am suddenly whining because of 'mistakes' I made and my character is 'scum'.
And all of these people are happy liberals who are 'LGBTQ+ Allies'
(Sorry just needed rant)
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
His stated offense to me is that he feels they should be a limited number of slots per party for either female and/or LGBTQ+ characters in a game...his logic being that multiple of this type makes them less special?
Should they be "special"? Isn't LGBTQ+ not being special kind of the point?
They don't understand that they've grown from childhood to adulthood in a world where straight white dude is still the default viewpoint for most of all movies, tv shows, stories, and games.
This has not actually changed as much as it may appear. (Remember, I am a white, hetero, CIS Male)
He doesn't understand what it's like to not be represented because he's been swimming in representation like a fish in water since he was a kid.
Ironically, he IS diminishing his "hetero, CIS Male" representation, by making an issue of this. ... though why he would want to limit female characters is beyond my understanding. Increasing the number of female characters almost always works to the benefit of hetero CIS Male characters.
Even if he isn't a bigot, he needs to rethink what he's really bringing to the game and how he's negatively affecting at least one other player.
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Selene Spires |
This is tough to type.
But never in my like have felt as alone, frustrated, depressed, any and every negative feeling there is.
I have lost all hope.
Every time I hit rock bottom...I found out no it is a bottomless pit.
I have reached out to people I have thought I could get support only to be left hanging. I am tired of people close to me behind whispering in concern voices 'mental health issues' taking my strength. I mean a weaker person would have broken with what I am facing.
I appreciate the support I get here and from other sources online...but I need more than just words of support right now. (I recognize due to distant and other factors words are only what you can offer). Though right now those words are all I have.
I need a miracle.
I need to be saved.
I need to be loved.
I need to feel safe.
I need someone to just surprise me.
And I just need someone to take a action.
Anyway I know that no one here can actually give me more than words. I don't expect anything more from anybody here. The distance involved, I am sure everyone has problems in their lives, time...the fact that I do get get support here helps...it just right now I need support from closer to home.
Selene Spires |
I should note despite thing I am not suicidal. I dont know why at times...maybe I am afraid of death...or maybe there is some small part of me that holding to hope...maybe just random kindness from strangers give me a little hope Everyone is not a word I can't repeat here. Or maybe so small part still is holding to the 'Dont let the basterd win' that has carried me through bad times.
So suicide is something I dont even think about.
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Ambrosia Slaad |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |
So...I hope I didn't drive everyone away.
You didn't. Like Lord Fyre said, I don't know how to help. And me spouting tired platitudes and cheerleading makes me feel like I'd just be making you feel worse because it sounds like I'm not taking your difficulties seriously.
Edit: Please don't ask me to diagram that last sentence.
Selene Spires |
Word used to help alot. It used to carry me for months. The problem is though here I feel safe here. Out in the world though I just dont. My cries of pain just dont go ignored but attracts more negative responses.
Even people I know that seem supportive dont want to get involved.
My mom who knows I am trans started to anti-trans conversation that lead to me hiding in my room.
Friends who know I am in pain just ignore it and just continue piling on in games because of 'plot'.
I approach friends and they tell me why I am wrong...or back away.
:(
(I will try to post at least once a day so people know I am still hanging in there...I can't promise the posts will be happy though)
Lord Fyre RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32 |
Selene Spires |
Selene Spires wrote:Friends who know I am in pain just ignore it and just continue piling on in games because of 'plot'.How are you gaming right now?
Can you "fire" your current group?
Nothing bad yet. But the campaign just started so...
But I am loosing my passion also for GMing.
No...can't fire them yet. I need the very few gaming sessions and the Gender Dysphoria is hitting me hard. :(
Selene Spires |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
(I am drunk posting this sooo....)
All I feel like I am doing now is dragging all you of you down with Me.
I am resisting the urge to take drastic actions that will probably lead to more pain.
I have always tried to be self reliant. I have always tried to be stoic. At the end all I have is myself.
But right now I find more than ever I need help. And now I am truly alone. :(
Selene Spires |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Mmm...news.
I am getting the first vaccine shot on Monday
Last night I broke down and cried last night.
Been kind down all day.
Suppose to run a game in about 20 min...and start a BNW campaign tomorrow night.
Lately I when I am running a game with the mood I have been in lately I am afraid I will botch it and get mad. I also feel like I am being judged (well over at V-Space when a admin 'sits' at my table). I usually am okay after 15 min though.
I still need to play in more games though. A lot of the feelings is just Gendered Dsyphoria...and the only way I can fight that right now is thru RPGs (specifically playing as a player I can totally submerse myself into my character...as a GM I am doing too many other things to do that). Even bad games help.