Blazing 9 Items (post-RPG Superstar 2013)


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

1 to 50 of 714 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Congratulations Steven! You had me from the Quicksand cloak. Actually as the only person to comment on my item in the very first 'critique my item' thread you have been on my watch list for a lot longer. :) Way to go! This was a great run.

It looks like the logo is going to stick around longer than in previous years and people keep asking me when the Blazing 9 will start sooo....

Actually it should be eight months, but tradition is tradition so I am keeping the name. :)(year four of the thread counts as a tradition right? :)

some suggestions:

1) Pick a day and post a new item every month by that day. Do that from now until December & you will have 7 or 8 items (double down once to make it nine. :)
2) Do a rewrite a week or two after that. This requires comments so please critique others.
3) Focus on formatting. It is the one part I feel even marginally qualified to comment on, and then only because of the practice. Practice formatting so you can focus on mojo with your submission.
4) Do not put an actual submission up. That will DQ it from the contest. :) But because it is not an actual item feel free to craft non-wondrous items.

I've said it before: this practice will not help you get into the Top 32. But if we focus on formatting, deadlines, accepting critique, and rewriting it will help us get a solid entry. It will help us be better prepared for quick turnarounds. At least that is the idea, unless you are just here for fun. 'Cause 'tis that as well :)

You can start with a rewrite of your entry after you got some feedback. :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Curaigh I was looking forward to this!

Original:

INTELLECTUAL'S CLAY PIPE – 78 WORDS

Intellectual's Clay Pipe
Aura faint transmutation; CL 2nd 
Slot none; Price 2,500 gp; Weight
Description
This small, reddish brown clay pipe produces a pleasant smelling smoke from tobacco smoked in it. The smoke relaxes and focuses the thoughts of the smoker after 5 minutes of smoking this pipe. This gives a +5 bonus to the smoker's next Knowledge check and allows that check to be made untrained.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Fox's Cunning; Cost 1,250 gp

Rewrite:

INTELLECTUAL'S CLAY PIPE – 119 WORDS

Intellectual's Clay Pipe
Aura faint transmutation; CL 2nd 
Slot none; Price 2,500 gp; Weight
Description
This small, reddish brown clay pipe produces a pleasant smelling smoke from any tobacco.

The smoke relaxes and focuses thoughts after 5 minutes of smoking this pipe, giving a bonus to the next Diplomacy check to gather information as if the target's attitude were shifted one step closer to helpful. If the target is already helpful then the pipe adds no bonus to the Diplomacy check.

Smoking the pipe for 5 minutes also gives a +5 bonus to the smoker's next Knowledge check and allows that check to be made untrained.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fox's cunning; Cost 1,250 gp

***EDIT***
I like your idea Jacob, we could run the mock contest as many times as we want in the time leading up to the next real one. If that's the case...then my rewrite is NOT my entry :)

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

I don't know if anyone would be interested in this suggestion, but I thought it might be fun to do our own RPGSS-style competition, just so we can practice more than Round 1 (I know there's the homebrew thread, which could also be a place to post these types of things, but I think it's a slightly different audience here).

My thought was entry only requires submitting an item (which I don't think needs to be anonymous, but if people think it would be more fun to do it that way, they can send it to me and I'll post them all at a given time).

Then you get one vote for every critique you write. The winner gets to advance -- and so do all the losers. The winner, though, gets to pick the "twist" for Round 2 (based on previous years, I'd say this could be the most wide open round, though Sean's recent comments make me think we should probably try to do something a bit more rules oriented than organizations).

Repeat for Round 2, with the winner picking the twist for Round 3 (is it monsters or npcs, plus whatever else you want).

Ditto for Round 3, with winner getting to do a "twist" for the standard encounter round, and Round 4, with the winner getting to do the twist for the module submission (which would probably just be level range, though could maybe be something else as well, I suppose).

Thoughts?

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Thanks for the kind words, Curaigh! I will offer any help during the Blazing Ei..erm...Nine that you'd like. So if you want critiques or ideas for future rounds, or anything else, lemme know what you're looking for.

Also...the Blazing Nine has become a tradition between Superstar contests, so maybe you ought to try a couple of the ideas the judges proposed in the "do better next year" thread. Give them a look at how their ideas might help Superstar or might need modification. The more melded with other parts of Superstar the Nine is, I think the more valuable the exercises and the better the designers that take you up on it.

I was looking at some of those first year threads and noted that I ended a couple of posts with "Just my $.02". Now I want a quarter every time Neil says it.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

2 people marked this as a favorite.

headkase, I like the rewrite. I'm still not crazy about the item -- I think it's going to need a lot to overcome its humble origins -- but I think that helps. It gives me the feel of someone remembering sitting at their grandpappy's knee as he smoked, so I like that. It no longer just like a numerical bonus to a skill, even though it still sort of is at the heart of it.

--

Here's my first Blazing Nine entry, which I've been sitting on for a week or two. Obviously it's somewhat tongue in cheek, playing off one of this past year's memes, but I think it's also got the kernel of a neat idea behind it.

Craftsman’s Gilding
Aura faint abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This golden cloth is covered with intricate embroidered lacework, typically of scrolls and arabesques. When touched to a cursed magic item, the cloth transform into pure gold filigree and attaches itself to the item.

The gilding removes the negative effects of a common cursed item, which is treated as if the creator had not failed the skill check to finish the magic item.

The craftsman’s gilding can not be removed from an item without being destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove curse; Cost 2,500 gp

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Jacob, I agree completely. My infatuation with the item isn't nearly so great now that I have all those reviews under my belt. I don't think there IS much I can do without scrapping it completely.

Your item!

I love this...because of the pain I (we all) felt during R1 voting. But once I got past that, I actually really liked the function of this. As I've mentioned before, I am a huge fan of crafting and cursed item crafting in particular. You've got a super neat idea that can have all sorts of fun for players and GMs. Your template use is fine. I like the last touch about not removing without destroying.

Now my gripes. What if the item had multiple cursed effects? I don't think I like at that price being able to completely negate all effects of a super high level cursed item. I assume yes since you say as if they had not failed their check. Also, as neat of an idea as I find this, I don't know that your average person would. As I heard many times, how often do cursed items really come up.

And as you know, its a little too jokey but you already acknowledged that.

RPG Superstar 2009, Contributor

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Steven Helt wrote:
I was looking at some of those first year threads and noted that I ended a couple of posts with "Just my $.02". Now I want a quarter every time Neil says it.

Dream on, Superstar.

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7

And so it begins...I've been waiting.

If this thread is just for items, are there going to be separate Blazing 9 threads for monsters and so on and so forth, because I have a whole set of monsters, two archetypes and two adventures that I'd like some critiquing on if there are going to be appropriate threads.

I'll be in with an item shortly in any case.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

I'd argue for one thread, though I know GM_Solspiral and maybe a couple others thought there should be multiple.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Checking in, life being complicated at the moment. But my eyes are on the thread and I will be contributing shortly.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Ok, going through my "rejected" tray, here is one for you all to chew on :P - my focus is visuals etc this year, so expect me to get very wacky/creepy as the year progresses.

This one is my go at a consumable... literally :D 257 Words.

Old Salt Chew
Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 400 gp (per pack); Weight
Description

A black, slimy gum produced from the scrapings of the side of a ships tar kettle that has been used for 100 years.

When first chewed, the gum has the consistency and taste of month old sailor socks. Four rounds of chewing and the gum liquefies into a pungent mouthful of tacky bile. At this point, the consumer has two choices, to spit or swallow.

Spitting the bile onto hands or feet, coats them with a tacky black pungent slime that provides better grip in wet and stormy conditions. This is a +2 alchemical bonus to Climb, Balance and Grapple checks and any Profession (sailor) checks that require a good grip, examples include traversing ships rigging, trimming sails, standing on the deck in a storm tossed sea, and climbing ropes. Such coatings last for 4 consecutive checks or 10 minutes, whichever comes first.

The effect produced when swallowed is used by Ship’s surgeons to treat unconscious, drowning sailors. The surgeon forces the patient to swallow this bile. The patient immediately starts to convulse violently, expelling excess water from their lungs. This provides a +2 alchemical bonus to the surgeons Heal check to stabilize the patient.

Each piece of gum produces one mouthful of bile, which must be used immediately or the bile thickening into a rubbery tasteless gum.

There are six pieces of gum per pack, 5 packs weigh 1 pound.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, grease; Cost 200 gp

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Also don't forget, anyone posting work in here may get a pre-submission template fu'ing of their entry next year.

If you post here, and you want me to check your entry before you submit it, here are the rules for this offer...

I will review items once only per person (to save me getting swamped).

You may only get as many items reviewed as items you submit during Blazing 9 - e.g. submit 3 items to Blazing 9 means you could get up o 3 items reviewed for your submission use (time permitting of course)

You must have posted in this thread at least one item for review and discussion.

You must PM me your item via the Paizo board private message link using ALL formatting code as if you were posting it for real.

It must be posted at least 7 days (one week) prior to the end of round 1 submission deadlines (so I have time to catch up).

I cant guarantee I will get to everyone who uses this offer, but I will do my best.

If people send multiple items, I will review your first item in preference to any other 2nd, 3rd etc submissions so every gets a chance at a review of at least one item. Only when I have no first items left to review will I move on to secondary requests.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 4 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Hi Anthony, I hope you don't mind if I chime in and try a review of your item. Here we go.

Anthony Adam wrote:

Old Salt Chew

Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 400 gp (per pack); Weight

Name is alright by me, I think it has the sailor flavor you are going for and it tells me what the actual object is. On the other hand, it doesn't tell me much about the item's function. I expect the "salt" part to be developed somewhere down the road. Not really looking at the price right now, but everything else seems about right. Since you inform the pack's weight in the description, I wouldn't mind seeing "Weight see description", though I can't find precedent for that in the books (they do reference the description in spells, though). I'm not saying you should do that, just that it is something I would check in the books to see if it would be fitting.

Quote:

Description

A black, slimy gum produced from the scrapings of the side of a ships tar kettle that has been used for 100 years.

Anthony, looking back at the other "9 Blazing Months" thread, I've noticed you sometimes use this kind of construction in your opening description line, i.e., raw description with no verb (all subject and no predicate). Adding a verb to the sentence would make it flow better and match the phrasal constructions used in rest of the text. I would drop the 100 years requirement altogether and maybe make it more vague, to add flavor without creating a hard requirement. Maybe something like "This black slimy gum contains scrapings of old, used-up tar kettles."

Quote:

When first chewed, the gum has the consistency and taste of month old sailor socks. Four rounds of chewing and the gum liquefies into a pungent mouthful of tacky bile. At this point, the consumer has two choices, to spit or swallow.

I'm a little put off by the socks reference. It's too tongue-in-cheek for my taste, but I can look past that if the rest of the text holds up. Overall, I like that you are describing how it tastes and feels, specially the "tacky bile" part. I'm not sure about the four rounds limitation. I think opening the pack and chewing the gum could probably be simply a standard action. It would make the item more useful in emergency situations.

Quote:

Spitting the bile onto hands or feet, coats them with a tacky black pungent slime that provides better grip in wet and stormy conditions. This is a +2 alchemical bonus to Climb, Balance and Grapple checks and any Profession (sailor) checks that require a good grip, examples include traversing ships rigging, trimming sails, standing on the deck in a storm tossed sea, and climbing ropes. Such coatings last for 4 consecutive checks or 10 minutes, whichever comes first.

Oops, Balance is not a skill in Pathfinder, that would be Acrobatics. I believe the comma between "feet" and "coats" is unnecessary. Also, you need to specify what kind of action it takes to spit the bile and apply the coating.

I like the idea here, but in terms of mechanics this is just a +2 bonus to skill checks, which is kind of boring. The "firm grip" theme is good, though. I like that it applies to grapple. Maybe it could apply to other maneuvers like Steal, or to resist disarm (when applied to hands) or bull-rush (feet) attempts. Just be careful not to add too many different abilities if you go that route.

Quote:

The effect produced when swallowed is used by Ship’s surgeons to treat unconscious, drowning sailors. The surgeon forces the patient to swallow this bile. The patient immediately starts to convulse violently, expelling excess water from their lungs. This provides a +2 alchemical bonus to the surgeons Heal check to stabilize the patient.

I would drop the surgeon line. Once you tell the player what the item does, he will know what to do with that, no need to say "this item is used by X to do Y", since that is a specific situation. I like this idea and the visuals, but again, it is just a skill bonus. I understand that the drowning rules are a bit limited, but you could try to interact with them somehow. Maybe it could restore hit points to a character reduced to -1 HP from drowning, or something like that, sort of like a cure light wounds potion used only in drowning situations. This said, it would have to cost less than a CLW potion. :P Well, I'm just bouncing ideas here.

Quote:

Each piece of gum produces one mouthful of bile, which must be used immediately or the bile thickening into a rubbery tasteless gum.

There are six pieces of gum per pack, 5 packs weigh 1 pound.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, grease; Cost 200 gp

Seems alright. I particularly like the use of grease to make the water "slip out" of the lungs.

Overall
Name: Ok, but the salt part relates more to the sailor theme than to the item's abilities.
Idea: I like the idea and the theme.
Execution: There is room for improvement. The opening line needs editing. Also, I would like to see something more exciting than skill bonuses.

Keep them coming, Anthony! Practice makes perfection. ;)

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Thanks Pedro - the skill bonus was the reason I rejected it for this year.

It was pasted pretty raw from an old document - I probably would have caught the Balance issue on an edit - I must stop playing 4e >.<

I like the disarm, can't believe why that didn't occur to me - so good spot there!

Ohh, an OK for name - I hate names as many will attest to, so getting an OK for one of my names is happy dance time... :)

There may be a few more rough items as I recover my files from my dead pc's hard drive, we will see what I can recover and share.

p.s. I'm working on a novel way of presenting Superstar knowledge through a playable card game, so if any Blazing 9'ers would like to have access for reviewing and test playing once I get that far, PM me your gmail account (it simplifies access if you have a google mail account and they are free) and I will add you to the reviewing circle.

So that you can decide if you are interested or not, here is the text of where I am at for the basic rules... ( the pdf on the google gmail share contains the players board, and the basic card design, but the rules should be enough to give you a flavor... )

RPG Superstar! the Card Game

Introduction:

Welcome to the wonderful world of RPG Superstar, Paizos annual search for new game design talent, as represented via the medium of a multi-player card game. This game works best with 4 or more players, but is also useful as a flash card system for learning and refreshing your knowledge of game design skills.

You can play the game and use the game cards in many ways, the most notable being...

a) Use the card collections as game design flash cards. When you do a piece of games design work, you can run through the general card deck and the task card deck(s) most suitable for your work to help you catch pit falls and common miss-steps leading up to and including submission of design work.

b) You can play a single round of RPG Superstar ( for example: as a quick fire pre gaming session warm up, or even, as a refresher course on aspects of game design for a particular task or round that has been seen in the RPG Superstar competition ).

c) You can play a number of rounds of your choice to simulate an actual season of RPG Superstar, eliminating players at each round until the winning Superstar is decided on the final round.

d) You can play a single massive game with all decks combined into one mega deck to represent working on an entire project rather than a small game design task - shuffling hundreds of cards is not easy, but you may be wired that way for this sort of game.

The game can support any number of players by simply adding multiple copies of the game together. A single copy should be sufficient to support up to 10 players in one game.

Where you see words in capitals in these rules, they are terms found on the game card and effectively refer to a set of card types, e.g. LOSE cards refer to cards with the term “Votes: LOSE number”, or AUTO REJECT for the card category of Auto Reject.

Basic Gameplay:

Set up and Deal:

Each player should have a play mat representing their Superstar entry. It contains the play zones onto which cards are played. It also contains a space to hold vote tokens. At the start of a game (or every round in a season simulation), each player should place on their votes panel a total of 100 votes. Unused vote chips are kept in a cup or saucer for everyone to access when paying their votes out or collecting them in as game play progresses. For simplicity, call this the bank. It pays vote GAINs to a player, a player pays the bank any LOSE votes.

A game (or season round) is played by combing two decks, shuffling and then dealing a number of cards to each player. The decks to be combined are always the general deck (which represents general game design tricks, tips and pitfalls common to all pieces of work) and a task specific deck (e.g. to simulate round 1 of RPG Superstar, you combine the General and Wondrous decks).

Shuffle the cards well and deal the number of cards to each player taking part in this game or seasons round -

2-3 players - 8 cards each
4-5 players - 7 cards each
6-7 players - 6 cards each
8+ players - 5 cards each

Always deal the cards face down. Each player should only know what is in their own hand.

I recommend using multiple sets of this game combined for very large play groups. You will need one additional set for playing games with 11-20 players, two for 21-30, and so one. One set per 10 players seems to be fine. However, if you play a game using all decks combined from a single set (as described above), there are sufficient cards in one set to support a huge number of players.

The dealer is chosen however you like (rock paper scissors, oldest, youngest, ladies first, etc), but for multiple round games, the deal should move anti clockwise (I like to be different :P) at the start of each round. After the deal, all remaining cards should be placed in a stack, face down, centrally to all players and is known as the draw deck for cards that allow drawing of additional cards.

Playing the game

The dealer, after dealing, plays first.

Discarded cards and cards removed from play mats during play are placed in a stack face up beside the draw deck. The order of card placement of the cards being discarded to the discard pile is under the control of the player who is playing their turn at the time the cards are discarded.

Each player may play 1 card with the turn moving clockwise from the dealer (some cards allow additional cards to be played) - in most cases, the cards all have the play rules on them. General play follows, but when a card contradicts these rules, the card takes precedence for these:

1) You can play only 1 card per turn and must play a card if you are able to.

2) you can play a card on any player mat, any empty zone provided that zone is listed on the card as a valid target.

3) you can play nasty RED capitalised effect cards to yourself or against other players - you may want to give your name a 2 point bad card to protect the space from a higher loss, or to take a minor double cost loss before someone hits your for 20 points.

4) you can play beneficial BLUE capitalised effect cards to yourself or other players. Isn't that a nice thing to do?

5) when a card allows you to use it to cancel another card, both cards are sent to the discard pile.

These rules also apply BUT CANNOT be changed by on card statements.

6) You cannot play a card causing vote loss on any player who has 10 or less votes.

7) For multi card hits on a single player, the total loss of votes for all cards hitting that player cannot exceed his current vote total. Example, an action card lets another player perform a judging blitz on you ( three random draws from the draw deck are played immediately on your board). Two cards hit empty zones totalling 15 votes loss, the other card cannot be played on an already filled zone, so is discarded. You only have 14 votes, so the blitz fails. The blitz card and all 3 drawn cards are immediately discarded and the attacking players turn is over.

8) If a player would lose his last vote as a result of a single card attack, he always retains 1 vote - no one scores zero in my game. Example: you have 18 votes left, but have a judges DO NOT RECOMMEND played on you that doubles subsequent losses. You are then hit with an AUTO REJECT that would normally cost 10 votes, doubled it becomes 20. So you lose 17 votes leaving you just 1, but you are now immune to further vote loss until you get back above 10 votes. Note: Multi card attacks (as exampled in 7) cannot reduce you to 1 vote, only a single played card can do this (the other card in the example is already in play and is not being played upon you that turn).

9) If a play mat has both types of judgement card, there are no affects on subsequent cards played to that play mat if there is an equal count of both judgement card types, otherwise the effect of the judgement card of the highest count is in effect. Judgements do not stack, 2x or 3x RECOMMEND cards are still only a single double effect.

... that should be a good enough sample for you to decide...

... to help clarify some questions from this early bit, here are the draft appendices to the rules...

Appendix 1 - Player Mat - Play Zones.

The zones on a players mat are :

Submission
Setting
Visuals
Rules
Style

Round Adherence
Name
Template
Content (Description, meat on the bones, etc)
Public Opinion

Open x2
Judges Rulings x3

Appendix 2 - Card Types

Auto Reject – Your best weapon, your worst enemy.

Event – Cards that play immediately, have immediate impact and then go straight to the discard pile.

Judgement – Judges rulings and assessments that affect how other cards impact your voting pool.

Vote Loss – Cards that reduce your votes because of design issues.

Vote Gain – Things you did exceedingly well win the public over increasing your vote.

Appendix 3 – Card Decks.

Card decks and what design elements they represent are:

General - This deck comprises cards reflecting general game design.

Wondrous - This deck comprises cards that reflect the game design task of designing a wondrous item.

NB: This game is a Work In Progress - there are potentially a lot more decks to follow - this system is pretty expandable to feats, spells, adventures, traps, the whole kit and kaboodle - but I am concentrating on the initial round of Superstar, to begin with, to facilitate playability reviews and feedback. I am currently working on the general deck.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

I think Pedro's glad to dish back some critique :)

And he mentioned everything that I had in my head.

In addendum to the first line of the description:
The cost and price should reflect the 100 years if it is not dropped. I am sure there is no CRB item that does this, but the cost could be 200 gp and 100 years. OR take Pedro's suggestion. OR up the cost and price, in which case you'd need to add more abilities/higher bonuses.

You also need to watch the reuse of descriptive words like slime/slimy or tacky. Nobody wants an obvious thesaurus user, but it did stick out to me in this when those words were reused.

Quote:


to spit or swallow

The 12 year old in me giggled at this. And so would everyone else I think. Food for thought.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
theheadkase wrote:


Quote:


to spit or swallow
The 12 year old in me giggled at this. And so would everyone else I think. Food for thought.

Oh dear me, the things you type in innocence / blindness / blinkeredness...

You are all naughty people!

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

And another for your enjoyment/perusal...

This one is way over word count at 377 words and will require some major trimming, but I thought it might be useful for new Blazing 9'ers to follow the editing and revising processes - I will work on this one to get it down in words following initial feedback.

I'm also not happy with the pricing, it is a consumable, but I think I need to revisit that too.

Insidious Seed
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 400 gp; Weight —
Description
A small black seed striped diagonally with blood red veins sits in your outstretched palm, twitching and pulsating with the need to grow.

Planting the seed causes a tendril to sprout immediately, that grows to a maximum 30 foot length in the next round. It coils and reaches along the floors or nearby walls, seeking and grasping all the time. Totally silent, and able to pass by alarm without detection, it is a tool of thievery and assassination.

After initial planting, the tendril may be given a small vial to grasp. It knows the will of it's planter and will grow towards a sleeping or unconscious victim within 30 feet. It entwines and constricts around the victim gently but firmly. A sleeping victim is allowed a perception check, DC 15 to notice this, but all sleeping penalties apply. Victims that fail their save gain the entangled condition. Making the save allows the victim to wake and avoid being entangled by the vine, but they must move immediately before any other action is taken on their turn. Entangled victims can attempt to break free as a move action, making a Strength or Escape Artist check, DC 15. The vine lasts for 1d4+2 rounds and then withers away, releasing any entangled victim.

The vine can be ordered to grow towards an object within 30 feet, grasp it and return the object to it's originating planting spot. Using in this manner allows a single object to be retrieved of up to 10 pounds in weight. The vine is dexterous enough to untie bindings that might hold the object in place. To fetch an object takes a full round, the vine may be instructed to repeatedly fetch objects for up to 1d4+2 rounds, after which it withers away.

Spells that detect plants, do detect the vine. Spells that control or command plants will cause the vine to immediately die and crumble to dust. The vine has AC 14, Hardness 2, and 14 health.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, command plants; Cost 200 gp

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

theheadkase wrote:

Thanks Curaigh I was looking forward to this!

INTELLECTUAL'S CLAY PIPE

*title should not be all caps, this is a confusion of the font used for the books.

**...small, reddish brown clay pipe..." is four adjectives for a single noun which seems excessive IMHO. Personally I would drop (at least) small :)
***The second paragraph has a single run on sentence. I would break that up. The strength of the item is here though. I like that you are messing with the DCs of a given skill by replacing them with already existing DCs. This keeps it simple for The GM.
**** CL should be 3, as that is the soonest a wizard can cast a second level spell.

Welcome and thanks theheadkase

FWIW: If the item is not in a spoiler it is a little easier to comment on. :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Curaigh! Blast, I thought I updated the CL!!! :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Anthony Adam wrote:


A small black seed striped diagonally with blood red veins sits in your outstretched palm, twitching and pulsating with the need to grow.

Would this be a good time to use the em-dash?

Anthony Adam - revised wrote:


A small black seed—striped diagonally with blood red veins—sits in your outstretched palm, twitching and pulsating with the need to grow.

Not sure but for some reason I like the em-dash.

I like your opening description, and your fluff overall. As you noted, it is way over word count, and I think some of this fluff should be saved for R2 efforts.

What is the purpose of giving a small vial? I mean, I can see uses for it, but it seems extraneous here.

Interesting use of the sleeping penalties.

You've got a lot of things going on here...but they are nearly all related. So that's good! Just may be a bit much

Is planting a standard action? Full-round? Does it have to be in dirt?

Overall I like the idea and it IS cinematic...just needs a further few revisions.

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Craftsman’s Gilding

An item that removes curses from cursed item? Nice play. Filigree does not bother me so I think this is a serious enough item. But with public voting next year, obviously something to avoid.

*CL should be 5, since that is the earliest at third level spell should be reached.
**CL should be higher because cursed items should be dangerous and if anyone over 5th level could be made immune to their dangers they lose their threat (obviously this depends on the frequency of cursed items in a given campaign). How high? not sure, but this could also be mitigated by allowing the item a save, or maybe granting the user/crafter a new save (with a bonus?) Or maybe only works on an item with a CL =< the gilding.
***looks pretty solid, though not quite the great wyrm

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

9 People posting.
4 are Top 16.
3 are Top 4.
2 are Superstar.

We're in good company :)

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Anthony Adam wrote:


Old Salt Chew

*an apostrophe S might let the 'salt' stay. IE "a sailor's chew instead of chew made of salt.

** over-complicated. I think a lot of us veterans are guilty of this as clever often gets translated into complicated. I remember Clark granting a 'here here' to a post explaining the difference. I know I favorited it, I will have to go find it.
***over-wordy, but you knew that was coming :) Frex: 'A black, slimy gum produced from the scrapings of the side of a ships tar kettle that has been used for 100 years." could be: "Scraping an old ship's tar kettle produces this black, slimy gum." That still has two verbs but all that is left out is the 100 years.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Old Salt Chew
I agree with most of the other comments, but I think you may also have gone too far with the description in this case. While it's not got the gore that turned off a lot of people in this last year's voting, I kind of feel like it's just as disgusting. *I* wouldn't want to touch this stuff, which means I wouldn't want my character touching it. It's good that you've given me that visceral a reaction, but it's not a reaction you want me to have in this case.

*snicker* Spit or swallow. Yup, absolutely agree that that's going to make almost everyone laugh.

I think I'd also be careful of the anachronism of something like a pack of gum. I'd just make this for a single chew.

---

Insidious Seed

Quote:
Totally silent, and able to pass by alarm without detection, it is a tool of thievery and assassination.

Be careful of sentences like this. It's the equivalent of a "prized by" declaration (well, the last part is, at least). Let me as a player decide what I can use it for.

Quote:
It knows the will of it's planter.

You don't need an apostrophe in the "its."

Quote:
sleeping victim is allowed a perception check, DC 15 to notice this,

Skills should be capitalized.

Quote:
The vine can be ordered to grow towards an object within 30 feet, grasp it and return the object to it's originating planting spot.

Again, you don't need an apostrophe in the "its."

Quote:
Spells that detect plants, do detect the vine.

Odd phrasing here. I'd just say the vine can be detected by spells such as detect plants, or something along those lines.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

1 person marked this as a favorite.

OK, here's my first "entry".
.
.
.
.
Blackened Sheer
Aura moderate abjuration [fire]; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight
Description
A fine and semi-transparent bolt of fabric that has been charred while instilling fire into its thread.

Using a standard action, the blackened sheer can be thrown into any adjacent square. Once thrown, it functions as a trap armed with fire trap with a DC 20 to disable and pick it up. The trap is activated when anything occupies the same square after it has been thrown down.

This piece of cloth can be sewn into clothing or worn as a mask. Wearing the blackened sheer in this manner changes the method of activation to be upon the wearer's death.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fire trap; Cost 750 gp

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Curaigh wrote:
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Craftsman’s Gilding

An item that removes curses from cursed item? Nice play. Filigree does not bother me so I think this is a serious enough item. But with public voting next year, obviously something to avoid.

Yeah, I think like a lot of my items, they're decent enough concepts, just have some flaw that makes them not quite Superstar (or at least, I like to think that most of them -- like last year's fetching stick -- are things that could actually be used despite sometimes silly origins). Of course, I imagine most of us want to think that. : )

Quote:
*CL should be 5, since that is the earliest at third level spell should be reached.

Wow. That was a bad error. How in the heck did I do that?

Quote:
**CL should be higher because cursed items should be dangerous and if anyone over 5th level could be made immune to their dangers they lose their threat (obviously this depends on the frequency of cursed items in a given campaign). How high? not sure, but this could also be mitigated by allowing the item a save, or maybe granting the user/crafter a new save (with a bonus?) Or maybe only works on an item with a CL =< the gilding.

Hmm. I'm trying to think if I've ever had a cursed item actually come up in a game I've played in or run and I'm drawing a blank. At least in my games, people are so cautious about items being cursed that they're basically pointless. Which I think is a shame. (That said, I am aware of one coming up in an adventure I'm planning to run, so I guess not totally unheard of.)

I kind of like the idea of giving the curse itself a save, though I also feel like that's a save or fail scenario, which I hate.

I also like the idea of it only working on items that have a CL lower than the save. However, I'm not sure how it would work with a sort of variable CL. I was tempted to play with that a bit with my haunting glass a couple years ago, but again no real example to follow (and in that case covering all the factors taht would've been involved was a bit much).

I also thought of it giving a new Spellcraft check (as if it were being crafted for the first time) -- with some sort of bonus -- though that limits it to someone who can craft an item instead of having it just be something anyone can lay on a cursed item.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

theheadkase wrote:

Blackened Sheer

Aura moderate abjuration [fire]; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight

Interesting name, though I'm not sure it really tells me much about the item. I was assuming we'd get an item that deals with light levels, but blackened as in fire makes sense. I don't think it's my favorite, but it's OK.

Looking ahead, I'm not sure where you got your caster level. It's a second-level druid spell (which should be CL 3rd) or a fourth-level sorcerer/wizard spell (which should be CL 7th). It looks like you split the difference between them?

Price doesn't seem to be calculated according to the chart, though I think it seems reasonable enough. Not sure if it might not be a little too expensive. If you're doing it, per the chart, as a second level druid spell, it would be 600 gp...

Quote:


Description
A fine and semi-transparent bolt of fabric that has been charred while instilling fire into its thread.

You've got a sentence fragment here. You could fix it by making it "This fine and semi-transparent bolt of fabric has been charred while instilling fire into its thread" but I might try to go a little more exciting. Give me color (red, with ash-gray threads running through it?), a specific type of fabric (silk? brocade?) or something along those lines.

Quote:


Using a standard action, the blackened sheer can be thrown into any adjacent square. Once thrown, it functions as a trap armed with fire trap with a DC 20 to disable and pick it up. The trap is activated when anything occupies the same square after it has been thrown down.

You seem to have made it a bit easier to disable than the spell itself does, which seems a bit odd to me. I might try to go a little less technical on the activation language too -- "If anything steps on the sheer, it activates."

Quote:
This piece of cloth can be sewn into clothing or worn as a mask. Wearing the blackened sheer in this manner changes the method of activation to be upon the wearer's death.

I found this kind of a let down. I liked the idea of being able to wear it in some other way, but then the activation seems a bit of a disappointment. I might try to find some other way for it to be activated in this case (perhaps a command word, but it leaves the wearer protected from the flame) or just eliminate it entirely.

Quote:

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fire trap; Cost 750 gp

This all looks fine to me.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

I wasn't sure what to do when it is split between druid and sorcerer/wizard like that. I tried to roughly split the difference and then tries to follow the chart.

D'oh I wish I would've thought of fiery red silk with ash gray thread!

I toyed around with a command word...but I just don't like them. I do agree that it got too technical sounding.

I also toyed with having it allow for either cold resistance, due to the fore instilled, or have it allow for 1d4 rounds of breathing in a poison cloud, because of its fire burning away the poison. Which in retrospect does sound a lot cooler. I ended up envisioning trapping my dead body.

Thanks for the critique!

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
theheadkase wrote:


What is the purpose of giving a small vial? I mean, I can see uses for it, but it seems extraneous here.

I was hinting at a vial/small container which might contain poison or healing potion or something like that. I am re-looking at that one. :)

theheadkase wrote:


Is planting a standard action? Full-round? Does it have to be in dirt?

Any activation is a standard action unless otherwise stated, so this was my first saving of words - I think its possibly the "dont quote/restate the rules" feedback or prior years that one.

My revision caught the dirt, but the term I am thinking of using is fertile soil, dirt was a bit too generic for me - for example, you could plant it in the damp sand / mud near to an oasis in a desert.

Hope that helps.


theheadkase wrote:

...

Blackened Sheer
Aura moderate abjuration [fire]; CL 5th

...

Heya

I agree with everything already said, but I didn't spot this snippet being mentioned (then again, I was scan reading during my lunchbreak, so spologies if it was)...

Aura qualifiers like [fire] tend not to be used in wondrous items, with the exception of [good] and [evil]. So you can save a word there :P

Sorry, Template Fu is on a word reducing frenzy at the moment :D

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Ok, revision 2, word count has dropped around 35(ish) words, so it is getting there - still need to drop 40 more at least.

I had a stab at a name change to better describe the item from the name.

I have removed some redundancy - saying a plant bypasses alarm is pointless when alarm says it only detects creatures for example.

I have also re-ordered the powers as the entanglement power is probably the most interesting one.

Still need to check the price, but I am starting to feel happier now.

I am toying with removing the object carrying and retrieval altogether, this then brings me well within word count and stream lines the item quite considerably - I am hesitant though as I like the idea of the remote fetch me that aspect - in fact - I think I will drop it - it looks much more elegant without and feels right.

So the item has changed from the original utility item to a more general infiltration / combat item for all classes.

So we are now down to 229 words! OMG, almost suitable for the original round 1 word limit! Go me!

It now looks like this....

Reaching Tendril
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 400 gp; Weight
Description
A small black seed striped diagonally with blood red veins sits in your outstretched palm, twitching and pulsating with the need to grow.

Planting the seed in fertile soil causes vine tendril to sprout immediately, growing to a maximum 30 foot length in one round. It flexes and coils as it grows, able to traverse both horizontal and vertical surfaces with ease and silence.

The vine is capable of entangling a single creature of up to medium size. A sleeping victim is allowed a Perception check, DC 15 to notice this, but all sleeping penalties apply. Creatures aware of this entangling attack must make a Strength or Escape Artist check to avoid becoming entangled as the condition. If they succeed, they must move immediately before any other action is taken on their turn. Entangled victims can attempt to break free as a move action, making the same check at the same DC.

The vine is treated as a plant for all purposes, with the exception that spells that control or command plants cause the vine to immediately die and crumble to dust. The vine has AC 14, Hardness 2, and 14 health. It lasts for 1d4+2 rounds and then withers away, releasing any entangled victims.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, command plants; Cost 200 gp

Weirdly, removing that carrying aspect now makes me feel like the price is much better - its a one shot hampering device with a distinct vulnerability.

I might need to add a small snippet to say that if the entangled creature dies, or it fails to entangle it's target, and the vine still has remaining duration, it can be instructed to entangle another victim - not sure though. I kind of think the GM should be able to work that out too.

Hmmm, will think on this, it's one of those should I shouldn't I things that I usually get wrong :P

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

I actually really liked the insidious seed name -- far more than reaching tendril. It might not have been quite as descriptive, but it caught the imagination. Insidious is a great gaming word.

In your first graf, I like the description, but be careful of using the second person. It's not done in wondrous item descriptions. Also, I tend to think of it as the italicized description of monsters -- something you can read to players, in which case they may well not have it in their character's outstretched palm when they first see it.

I think with the rewrite, the sleeping part feels strange. Without calling out it's purpose (which I advocated getting rid of), as a reader, I wonder why you're specifying this specific instance.

I think I actually like the carrying/fetching aspect. I might try some rewrite to say it can do various combat tricks -- making it a controllable vine. It wouldn't be Superstar, but I could see someone using this vine to entangle/trip an opponent, steal something, etc. etc.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

I think you need a comma after "small" and before "black".

Anthony Adam wrote:


Entangled victims can attempt to break free as a move action, making the same check at the same DC.

The only DC listed before this is a Perception check DC...are you inferring that the CMD of the vine is 15? In fact, you could save some words by just giving it a separate Strength check DC and cutting that quoted sentence.

I like this version altogether much more than the original. It is much tighter and makes more sense. This would be a solid entry for me.

***EDIT***
I also liked the insidious seed name better!

***FURTHER EDIT***
The carry/fetch aspect was what I thought would have been the Superstar ability. It's kind of a trope that a plant would entangle someone. But a plant that delivers poison in someone's sleep then crumbles after a short time? Pure cool.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

1 person marked this as a favorite.

And my rewrite. I struggled with the price/cost a bit, as I felt it would be too much for a potentially one use item. But the extra, continuous abilities make it much better than just a one-shot. 2*3*2000 = 12,000 was seriously too much cost for the continuous stuff, so I cut it by a fourth and added the cost of the single use aspect to represent if you took off your mask, or piece of clothing, and used the trap aspect.

152 Words.

Blackened Silk Sheer
Aura faint abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 6,600 gp; Weight
Description
This fine and semi-transparent bolt of fabric—made from red silk with tendrils of ash gray thread—has been charred while instilling it with fire.

The blackened silk sheer can be thrown into any adjacent square. Once thrown, it functions as fire trap that activates when any creature occupies the same square. The fabric is consumed when activated in this manner.

This charred piece of silk can be sewn into clothing or worn as a mask. As a mask the blackened silk sheer purifies air through its instilled fire allowing its user to breathe normally in effects that require breathing (such as inhaled poison) for 1d4 rounds. When sewn into clothing the blackened silk sheer warms the clothing it is attached to and gives cold resistance 5.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fire trap; Cost 3,300 gp

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber
theheadkase wrote:

I think you need a comma after "small" and before "black".

Anthony Adam wrote:


Entangled victims can attempt to break free as a move action, making the same check at the same DC.

The only DC listed before this is a Perception check DC...are you inferring that the CMD of the vine is 15? In fact, you could save some words by just giving it a separate Strength check DC and cutting that quoted sentence.

Ooops, cut the DC out in error - lol, hangs head in shame.

The Strength / Escape Artist check is exactly as I found in the core rules for a similar effect, the entangled condition was given Strength or Escape Artist check choice, so I kept myself in line with prior canon on that.

Just found another example - rope of entanglement - also uses both Strength and Escape Artists - unfortunately this item is kind of a living rope of entanglement now - back to the drawing board - looks like I will be revisiting my "get this for me" idea after all.

I love the visual idea behind this item, which is why I am persevering with this one.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

This is a good example of running up the blind alley for all the lurkers out there :)

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Blackened Silk Sheer

I'll have a look at your pricing too - have you compared to similar priced items in the various books - items of comparative power do seem to be closer to your new price.

Also ask yourself, at this price, would I buy this, or something else of equivalent or slightly lesser in value? If it competes well in the price band, then your price is good.

LURKERS: Pricing is hard and an art - this is a good example of what to do - use the rules to get the base price - do not use the calculated value, it is only a starter value, you have more to do!

Then, go to the books and find items of comparable utility and price - how does your price compare? Ask yourself as a player where your item should sit within the existing items when listed by price. That is the trick to, as Neil, Sean, Clark and others say, "not getting it wrong".

I do have one reservation on this item though, so I am going to be honest and brutal now. It's a bit Swiss Army Knife. I can put it across my face, stitch it in my clothes or throw it. I don't think its fully SAK, but it's getting dangerously close for me. Sorry, but that's my gut feel.

I'm not sure how that can be fixed, I think if it couldn't be thrown and simply has to be worn in your clothes or across your face, that then makes it cohesive and avoids SAK-ness. I leave it up to you to decide whether you agree or not.

As another thought, ripping the item from face or clothes could be your one shot firetrap disposal of the item, in which case, list that last.

For me, the air purification is way cooler. I can walk through stinking cloud with it - something my enemy caster wouldn't be expecting. Yeah, for me, that is the cool in this one, and the cool should always come first.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Anthony!

Now that you bring it to light, I can agree completely that it is dangerously close to, if not being, a SAK.

And I once again got blinded by my own vision of it, a trapping type item, as opposed to the cooler ability like you pointed out. Perhaps if I rewrote to have the mask and clothing bit first, and move the trap portion to the end and not have it thrown...that could do the trick.

Thanks again!

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Glad it helped.

I'm thinking about taking my vine idea and going back to the other path of holding / entangling/ grabbing - I like the idea of playing with some of the conditions in the game.

Maybe turning it from seed to a belt that provides a prehensile use for grabbing, holding, throwing so it attaches itself without need of grappling hooks, maybe some sort of combat tricks/acting as a hidden whip.

My concern here, of course, is the 1960s TV series of Batman - the ubiquitous Utility Belt - maybe not original enough - still, the thinking cap is still on for that one.

I wanted to try something with seeds.

My other idea at the moment, is unfortunately very spell in a can...

1) Plant the seed

2) A strange plant with a thistle head and two large ear shaped leaves grows.

3) You speak into the "ears" and can talk to the plants within a radius of the planted seed for a short time, and the thistle whispers the plants answers back to you.

4) Plant dies some round or two later.

So speak with plants is my problem there. It is too much speak with plants SIAC (Spell In A Can - for the new readers and lurkers).

I'll just let things boil and percolate in my subconscious a bit more.

p.s. do shout when I talk your ears off - or you think its granny, this is how you suck eggs.

At the moment, I am conscious of new readers, so am suffering from wordy Spicer-itis :P (hopefully for their benefit and not leading them astray)

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Alright, this work week has sucked (buy life insurance!), but the hole in my appointment schedule allows me to respond to a couple of Blazing Nine items. Get ready for tough feedback, but high praise.

Headkase's intellectual's clay pipe

I'm not fond of the name. Too long and not enough oomph. I think the addition of a non-skill bonus is smart, and use of the NPC disposition rules is fairly uncovered ground. However, it isn't the "charismatic guy's clay pipe", so I think the second ability ought to have something to do with cleaning up mental ability score damage or erasing penalties. If you're weary or been attacked by an allip and you just have to have that Intelligence check or Wisdom bonus to a skill, you erase some damage or penaltiy AND get a bonus on a specific skill bonus. Cleaning up the penalty is a combat (if actually post-combat) mechanic. If it doesn't have a direct combat effect, voters might relegate it to "that item that fits my character's personality but isn't that relevant". You want an item balanced so not every has to have it. But you want your Superstar entry to also be the most interesting item on a character sheet.

I like this item because it gives PCs an excuse to rest, which gives me an opportunity to ambush them. Adding that travel element to adventuring instead of taking it away, which so many items try to do.

My final criticism of the item is one you've considered before: it's derivative. I cannot separate this item from Gandalf trying to remember his way into or out of Moria. Last year there were complaints of a number of items that seemed to clearly emulate references from scifi or fantasy films. Some were more subtle, some were doubtless similar but not intentional lifts from their dopplegangers. Still something to be careful of, especially in public voting.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thank you Steven! I hadn't even considered ability score damage repair...super good idea! That's of course why you are the Superstar :)

And great note about the name, with the rewritten focus I should have called it something like friendly clay pipe or some such.

Thanks again for taking the time!

Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

theheadkase wrote:

Thanks Curaigh I was looking forward to this!

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

***EDIT***
I like your idea Jacob, we could run the mock contest as many times as we want in the time leading up to the next real one. If that's the case...then my rewrite is NOT my entry :)

I like the concept overall, but it does seem to have limited use, and I have seen similar items.

The rewrite though, has more use, and I can see people actually using this in the campaign.

I'd like to add some advice about the first sentence. You write "This reddish brown clay pipe" and it just seems jumbled to me. Instead I'd say something like this "This copper colored pipe". Copper evokes a specific color that I assume you were trying to get across to the reader. Its semantics, but its something I like to take note of.

The other thing is, this item doesn't carry much "bang" to it. I mean its perfectly fine in its design, but there's nothing to it that necessarily singles it out from the sea of other items.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Thanks Orcus!

You know, I rather do like your nitpick on the "reddish brown clay pipe". You're right though, it is a matter of preference and I honestly don't know which would be better for readers. Personally...I think I do like "copper colored" better.

I completely agree about bang and zazz. It's a book of magic items item, but not a Superstar item. Following along this contest and doing critiques have opened my eyes to a lot of what there needs to be. Cinematic is a great word that got thrown around this year...everything in this contest that is a potential winner is easily imaginable in a cool sequence in a movie.

Thanks again for the critique!

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

1 person marked this as a favorite.

I have been saying "cinematic" for years, too. So you owe me a quarter. So, Neil: that's fiddy cent every time you do both in one post. :b

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

My input on craftman's guilding.

I think the theme and application of this item is a great idea. Very interesting. I wonder if voters might think "cursed items are part of the game" and be a little offput. I know GMs will think of this item as a huge favor to their PCs. Else they hate it and never let anyone have it.

But a good item creates conversation. I great idea makes you want to work it out, kind of like my favorite MtG combos: if only the cards supported the mechanic and it didn't take so long to put in token copies of Avalanche Riders..........

{sigh}

.....so kudos on mojo to you. I still want cursed items to be part of the game, but I also think redeeming (or subjugating) cursed items is a part of the game, too.

No, a little food for thought. I think the theme DEMANDS a badass name. A subtler reference to filigree will still be enjoyed by voters and SS faithful, but less likely to be viewed as a joke it with a groan. So describe the simple roll of gold filigree and don't mention it after that. Instead, just describe "if competently applied to a cursed magical item (a DC 20 Craft check)," yada yada. Then don't put the word filigree in the name, and make sure the new name is sexy and has to do with breaking curses or crafting items. Something like (but better than) redeeming trim. I believe active items names (containing a verb) are better than passive item names (being characterized by someone or something else - like "crafters'".

And I haven't taken time to check pricing, but I would make it a tad more expensive (is a typical uncursed magic item worth an additional 5k?), and also describe it as being available in lengths.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

My tuppence ha'penny on the craftsman's guilding...

I was looking at doing something similar, based on peace bonding for weapons. Yours has more wider use and application whereas what I was looking at was a finer target of curse. The effect similar, but worth mentioning, I think for you to consider.

I was limiting the amount of curse removal rather than doing a blanket removal and targeted only the numerical penalty type of curse.

For example, if I had a -2 sword of berserking rage, that applied a penalty to attack of -2 and placed the wielder into an uncontrollable rage, by use of my item, the numerical -2 got reversed to a +2 but the non numerical curses remained in effect.

So rather than go whole hog, look at the different types of curses and maybe limit the effect to a specific set of cases, targeting ones that a re more commonly encountered to ensure a wide appeal.

For me, a blanket "removes all" is too much, but that's just me, others don't think its a problem. Another way you could have made the item more balanced and retain the all curses aspect is to maybe add a chance that the curse is too strong to counter (along the lines of dispelling).

I do like that you made it a one use item though. They are so hard to do, as I am finding :)

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2013 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Steven T. Helt

There's a lot of word count left in the filigree, so maybe consider offering it at 2-3 caster levels. Have it work automatically, but can't break a curse with a caster level higher than the filigree.

Also, something I learned this year is that you sometimes have to include statements to avoid question and corner cases. Remember, it's perfectly dezcribed in your mind, but that doesn't mean it won't raise questions that you think have obvious answers. An example of this might be that an intelligent item that pits its Ego against a user is not necessarily cursed.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:


Craftsman’s Gilding
Aura faint abjuration; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This golden cloth is covered with intricate embroidered lacework, typically of scrolls and arabesques. When touched to a cursed magic item, the cloth transform into pure gold filigree and attaches itself to the item.

The gilding removes the negative effects of a common cursed item, which is treated as if the creator had not failed the skill check to finish the magic item.

The craftsman’s gilding can not be removed from an item without being destroyed.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, remove curse; Cost 2,500 gp

I love the concept of this item. When I first took a look at it, I thought it was going to be overpowered, but then you limited it to common cursed items. As Stephen said, the word count is a tad low, but otherwise, it seems pretty damn solid. The only nitpick I have with it is that you don't precisely describe the item. The word count could be risen with a more detailed description (not too much of course).

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Wow, guys, thanks. Maybe I should have saved this one for next year. : )

I'll see if I can't do a rewrite next week (assuming I've recovered from my folks visiting me over the weekend) and try to take it a bit more seriously instead of just having some practice fun with filigree.

I do like that Orcus picked up that it's only common cursed items. I think that's one of those small rules terms that sometimes get missed but that are important to the concept. It's not meant to fix specific cursed items, which is part of why I felt I could get away with the price as is.

I'll look around at offering it at different levels, though I'll have to do some research to see how that's been treated on existing items. I can't think of anything else off the top of my head that's kind of given at a minimum level with the idea that it could have to be crafted at higher levels to affect more powerful things.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

As an aside, if you want to avoid the filigree connection, describe it as gold leaf rather than cloth.

1 to 50 of 714 << first < prev | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Archive / Paizo / RPG Superstar™ / General Discussion / Blazing 9 Items (post-RPG Superstar 2013) All Messageboards