Blazing 9 Items (post-RPG Superstar 2013)

[Curaigh]

Saint Caleth wrote:

I know that this is the received wisdom when it comes to making items, but I just can't shake the fact that in just about every actual published item, the shorter or static power comes first and the longer or activated ability comes second. As an example look at any of the "stat item with other ability" belts or headbands that were published in UE. I just have a really visceral reaction to the flow of the item for some reason to trying it the other way around.

I just realized another point. This is more than current wisdom, this suggestion came from the judges themselves. I will find the link when I can, but it has a silver dragon or an undead demon lord attached to it. The judges have repeatedly told us they are not looking for a magic item. They are looking for a designer. There is a lot of really great items every year good enough for a book of magic items, but that is not PRGSS. Your post makes me think this item is for some other source, so it is probably appropriate and thanks for sharing.

EDIT: found a link (of many?)

[Anthony Adam]

Another mega post of superstar goodies for all you budding superstars.

Hey, I haven't posted a mega post for some time, so it was long overdue :P

It is in a new thread so as not to bloat this one with the links :)

Enjoy and set aside a few DAYS for listening to them all.

[Kiel Howell]

Grrrr...havne't been able to sit down properly and write out my latest. Will do by end of week.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I feel like I've been bad lately about reviewing items here (not to mention posting any). Sorry about that, all...

Saint Caleth wrote:

Cape of Patchwork Knowledge
Aura moderate divination; CL 7th
Slot shoulders; Price 9,500 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Description
Whatever appearance this cloak originally had has long been replaced by a riot of patchwork and mending in all the hues and colors never imagined by mankind. When worn by a bard, it allows the wearer to pull from the disparate collection of knowledge embodied in the cloak. Three times per day the wearer may retry a failed knowledge check as an immediate action. Additionally, the cloak acts as a 1st or 2nd level page of spell knowledge except that the wearer can also select a 1st level illusion or enchantment spell from the wizard/sorcerer spell list. While the cloak is granting this spell, it is treated as though it were on the wearer’s spell list as a 2nd level bard spell. The wearer may select the spell granted by the cloak, but may not change the spell more than once per week. The cloak has no power if the wearer is not a bard.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, timely inspiration, channel the gift; Cost 4,750 gp

You don't need to use the plural of pounds if it's only 1 lb. I think someone else noted spells should be in alphabetical order, but other than that, the template use looks good.

Love the description. It's fantastic.

Honestly, I like the whole thing. Probably not Superstar -- not quite enough pizzazz and a little SIAC/SAK, but I assume you knew that since you posted it here -- but I think it's definitely something I could see in a book of magic items.

[Chris Shaeffer]

Hey guys! Having fun? :D
I'm starting to get in that superstar kind of mood again, so I thought I'd actually, you know, be a part of the community this year.

I'm going to work on reviews one page at a time, backwards from this page to the first, then I'll go in order from the ones posted after this message. Sound logical? No?

.. Too bad.

These will be just sort of flow of consciousness-y, going down the entry and hopping around as necessary. I will not be reading other reviews before writing, so please forgive any redundancy.

::Page Seven::

Honorable Mention: Anthony's Song (I Wanna RPG Like You?)
That was inspiring. This board would lack so much if you weren't here. Buckets of tears! :'3

Honorable Mention: Jacob!!!
I hardly keep up with modules, but damn man!! Congratulations! Maybe I should actually start producing stuff. :p
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Curaigh: Man's Red Flower

Name: Intrigues me. Will it be a brooch? Blood related? Gender related?

Aura/CL: CL 3 matches faint aura on items. Good.

Line 3: No slot. What, do you just... hold it? Is it a consumable? Maybe a tad expensive (I'm bad with pricing, but I'm comparing it to other similarly priced items).

Description: Ah, I see now. :p
I like the imagery. I do find, however, that using the word "has" as a last resort forces me to write more evocatively. So instead, you might say, "A fringe of deep red encircles the flame-colored center of this crystal rose."

Similarly, it might jump out at the reader a bit more if you say, "It radiates warmth when held." instead of the other way around. This puts the active part of the sentence first and hooks the reader's attention.

How do you activate it?

You might need to be a little clearer. If they are "reborn as a human", why would they need bonuses to their disguise checks? Just say they're human. This will save you a huge amount of words which you can use to say which features of their old race they retain. You'll come out being clearer AND ahead of word count. :D

When the character is enveloped in flame, what happens to his equipment? Does it burn if flammable? Does it change size to fit him if necessary?

Hah! Blood? See? I'm so damn good. :D

I like the recharge method. I might specify exactly how the blood is to be applied to the rose. For example, I like the idea of pricking someone with one of its thorns as a touch attack against unwilling creatures. You should really ham up the THIS IS A ROSE thing, or else it might as well be any other flower (or any other object, really).

Also, wait, can he just use his own blood while "human" to recharge it, or does it require a "real" human? Might want to specify that.

What happens when he turns back into a (say) halfling? Just insta-shrinking back down with all his equipment? As a player, I'd be curious.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Looks good.

Final Thoughts: You've got a few things going on here. 1) It turns you human, or into a "better" human. 2) It's got a flamey phoenix-like vibe going, with burning away and then coming back. Reincarnation, in a way. Works well with becoming another species. 3) The blood thing. Seems to also work well with becoming a member of that species. Blood and fire shares themes somewhat often. Seems fine, maybe. 4) It's a rose. This might be where you've lost me. Rose + Blood works well for obvious cultural reference reasons. Rose + Fire works too. Rose + Human Reincarnation... not so much. I don't see the connection. All the individual parts work, but I feel like there is one too many themes in here.

Also, what if you used a different kind of blood? Maybe you could use it for all sorts of races, and not just humans. That might be really cool!

P.S. - I did miss the reference. Sorry. :p
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GM_Solspiral: Alluring Pocketwatch of Punctuality

Name: Hrrm. Pocketwatch, eh? I somehow feel reminded of many other items from past contests, but I'll reserve judgement. I assume this is going to somehow mess with turn order or haste somehow. Let's see if I'm right. (I am a fan of clever alliteration. This is borderline, so I'm not docking you for that.)

Aura/CL: At 5th level CL, this should be a FAINT aura. Check the Detect Magic spell description. (Remember it's an item and not a functioning spell.)

Line 3: Slotless items are all the rage, huh? :)
Hwowzas, that is a steep price. I hope the effects are worth it. I'm not so sure at the CL 5 level.

Description: The first sentence is not a sentence (it's a noun clause). Be careful about that. Using "glass hourglass" and "with" twice also makes this a little clumsy. Try "with a mercury-filled hourglass".

Take a look at the "Headband of Alluring Charisma (+4)". It is 16,000 gold, with a CL of 8. Yours is exactly that, except it is slotless, weightless, a lower CL (read: can craft sooner), and able to cast a few spells. So it should cost a bit more. I'd worry about SIAC criticisms. To make it more interesting, try looking to spells for inspiration and then recreate their effects in a unique way to match a theme.

As someone with this item, I would simply never make time commitments. You'd have to make such commitments hard-wired into the mechanics of the item, and not just flavor, or no one would ever use them. As in, you should need to make time commitments for it to work at all. That would be interesting! :D

Watch your spelling (everey).

Construction Requirements/Cost: Capitalize Craft Wondrous Item. Watch your spacing. Watch your spelling (splendore, expedious). Don't italicize your commas.

Final Thoughts: I saw the influence, but didn't realize it literally was from Alice in Wonderland until I reread your post. Haha. Cool man! I'd say, just because it's shiny doesn't mean it should add to charisma. The white rabbit may have been quite dapper, but he couldn't sound convincing or keep his cool to save his life.
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next up: Anthony! :D (to be continued in this post)

[Chris Shaeffer]

Damn, missed the edit window. To be continued... in THIS post! :p

Anthony Adam: Phoenix Soul Feather Also, bro fist. We're taking this year, man. Feel free to use me as a sounding board.

Name: Hmm, a little flowery for me. What about just "Phoenix Feather"? Probably taken... Feather of Ash, or Ashen Feather. THAT would be bad-ass. But I'm getting ahead of myself. What does it do, hmm~? :3

Aura/CL: Yep, 9th matches with moderate. But would the divination still be faint? I'll have to look into that. Not sure how mixing aura strengths goes. (Ah, I see you fixed that in your revision. Non-issue then.)

Line 3: Slotless. Weightless. I'm seeing a pattern here guys. >:]
Seems cheap for the CL. We'll see.

Description: "Plucked from the fiery passing of a Phoenix" makes me giggle, because I naturally think "flaming farts".

Why would a phoenix feather be charred? You'd think they'd be immune to it. Oh, or is this from a phoenix's remains? Ah, yup, yup. I see. "Ashen Feather" would work even better, then! :D

Is it a shaft or in the shape of a phoenix? Can't have both, methinks. I would just say "phoenix", for the most part.

Ah, I like the first power though! Very neat. I was personally fine with having the fire damage as in the first iteration. Something larger than 1d6. You'd have to compare it to similar powers available at that level.

I'm not familiar with mythic stuff yet (That's a thing now?? Since when? I've been under a rock.), but the second power seemed a little convoluted on the first version. I got it on my first read, but I had a feeling not everyone would. It's a lot better on the second version. Good job! Looks cool in my brain. (Thematically though, I wonder what about Phoenixes would lend to it splitting...)

Great idea using it as a component for magic missile. That is fantastic. I would say one mythic power (mythic power point?) to use as a normal component, and one additional point for each magic arrow affected. Using the second power for ALL of the magic arrows becomes somewhat confusing and possibly overpowered, in my humble opinion.

Aww, but you took it away in the rewrite! Nooooo~ I do agree that having the second power AND being used as a spell component is too much. Good on you for making a tough choice between options.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Formatting's perfect. I would remove magic missile from the requirements. Ah, and you did just that. Not sure about telekinesis. It seems to be used a bit too much for anything that "moves funny". The user does have limited control over how the shots move though, and it's a far better choice than true strike... good job. :)

Final Thoughts: Your second iteration was FAR SUPERIOR to the first one. I am very proud of you. As always, you stuck to the template perfectly. Still not sure what about phoenixes lends to the theme of splitting (something like a hydra might be a better theme), but it looks cool enough that I'd totally let it slide. In any case, I think it's a really neat item, and I would definitely use it.
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Saint Caleth: Cape of Patchwork Knowledge

Name: Love it. It tells you what it will probably do AND alludes to actual "patchy knowledge". It's really clever.

Aura/CL: Right. Good.

Line 3: Weight is fine. Price is... well, a lot of people don't value knowledge checks that much, and may prefer something that gave straight Intelligence. We'll see what the item actually does.

Description: You HAD me with the first half of the first sentence. I would have stopped at "riot of patchwork". Powerful, man. Maybe "riot of colorful patchwork to get the rest of the meaning in there.

"When worn by a bard..." My first thought is immediately, "Oh no, Bard only?" In this contest, class-specific items will automatically turn off a lot of people in the face of more useful items. Be careful.

This is well-written. :D
You do keep calling it a cloak though, even though it has "cape" in the name. Be consistent.

How is it used? Is it kind of like a lore crib-sheet embroidered on the cape? What about this patchwork gives its user knowledge? I like both abilities. They make a ton of sense together. I'm curious as to how its used though (I tend to dislike simple "it's magic and automatically puts knowledge in your head" explanations), and wish it wasn't just for bards!!

The last sentence does lack umph. Instead of saying it in negative terms, "has no power", try something positive, like "The cloak is powerless unless worn by a bard."

Construction Requirements/Cost: The first spell requirement is perfect. I worry that the second spell is from too obscure a source, since it's from Pathfinder Chronicles. Seems to work, otherwise.

Final Thoughts: I like the concept, I think it would benefit a lot from being expanded to all magic users somehow though. Overall, purdy good! :)
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Next up: theheadkase - Monk of The Reflecting Pool (hello again!)

[Chris Shaeffer]

theheadkase: Monk of the Reflecting Pool

Name: Outstanding. Tell me more. :)

Intro: Pretty standard as far as fluff goes. We know monks meditate. You wait until the end to actually say what this archetype is all about. I am a fickle and distracted gamer. Try putting it closer to the front in order to hook me. Writing-wise, I think splitting that second sentence into two would both give the reader's brain a needed pause, and also net you an extra word to use.

Class Skills: Spellcraft, ey? I'd better see some spell action in here. (I did!) Good call trading two "lesser" skills for a generally more useful one. It makes sense thematically too.

Unbroken Surface: Great name. My immediate first question is "what if he doesn't have a required feat for the one he chooses to copy?" You definitely need to address that.

The use of a standard action confuzzles me slightly. Do you pick a target to study on your turn and just wait? Like a readied action? It would be a total waste of a turn if they didn't use a feat. Do you use it on your turn after you saw the attack? Might work. I personally believe it would work best as an immediate action to be used right after you see an attack. That would fit pretty well into the action economy of the monk, in my opinion.

"Until he studies another attack" makes me worry, especially in conjunction with not needing prerequisite feats. Whirlwind attack forever at first level? Totally possible! Maybe it should be for one day instead?

Stunning fist is a good slot for this to fill. Good job.

"... any feat used as part of the attack studied until he studies..." is a little wordy. We know what "the attack" refers to, so I think "He gains any one feat used in the attack until he studies a different attack." would work better.

Stone-Broken Surface: Not as crazy about this name. Seems a little forced. I LOVE the ability itself though, and it fits SO WELL with the first ability. This kind of synergy makes me salivate.

"Everything's a monk weapon" worries me a little though. What's to stop an ally from using the weapon in a "spar", therefore giving the monk any weapon he wants at any time? Also, how long does this last?

Hmm. Is still mind the best slot for this? I always feel like anything that is replaced should be in the same vein somehow.

Pattern in the Ripples: Name is neat-o. :D

Agh, I love the idea, and it fits well in theme with the first ability, but the power level is worrisome. At 4th level. I would have to insist that his effective caster level be half of his monk level, or else you have monks casting miracle for a measly 10 ki. What about spell components?

Same issue with the reflecting (but a BIG tip of the hat to the archetype's theme. awesome!). Its constraints are well-written, but I fear the automatic spell-countering at high levels for relatively little ki is just a bit too overpowered.

Again, how long does he know the spell? Like Unbroken Surface, I think this should use an immediate action and last for only 24 hours. He can always copy a party member's spells. :)

Also, I think something like 1 ki point for 0th level and 2 points per level thereafter sounds more balanced.

Hmm... might work with replacing those ki pool abilities... but I feel like this is kind of front-loaded, ending all the changes at 4th level. Maybe this could be pushed a few levels up somewhere?

Final Thoughts: I love the concept and the flavor. This has a lot of potential and I applaud you. Just needs some rebalancing!
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Honorable Mention: Anthony Adam - Reality Caltrop
What is it? I must know! xD
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((Note: creature creation/stat blocks are not my forte. I need to study up a bit. I'll do my best. :p))

GM_Solspiral: Scorpion-tailed Tamarin

Name: Wait, isn't a Tamarin a kind of monkey? Eeee! Cool/creepy image. :D

Top section: Seems good. Initiative matches Dex plus the feat. Why darkvision? Magical beasts have low-light. So do monkeys. I'll let it slide though. I see it has slightly less Wisdom, but more Perception than the standard monkey in the Bestiary. You have a rogue comma in there.

Defense: AC is good. Fast healing scares me. Combined with their hard-to-hitness, this might make them a lot more dangerous than their CR suggests.

I don't think I see the justification for "Thralled". Monkeys like shinies? Ah, it's because they were meant to be familiars! Cool.

Offense: Speed's good. I'd think there'd be a bite (like normal monkies), but this works fine. Looks good.

Statistics: Fast, stealthy little buggers. With those skills, I'll never see them coming... And they are geniuses. :(

Ecology: Makes sense.

Special Abilities: Whee, that's nasty. Do they need to charge if dropping from above? I like the poison. With their attack bonus, it seems VERY LIKELY that you will get hit with the poison.

Description: Rogue comma again. :p

I like the first half, but I kind of lost interest after "local legends". Experiment gone wrong is a common trope. Watch your spelling (overwealmed).

I believe this would benefit from mentioning that they can be used as familiars, as many Bestiary creatures do.

Final Thoughts: It works! I like the bit about them blending into normal tamarin packs. If this were in competition, I feel like it would need a little something extra to make it through. "Monkeys with scorpion tails" is a fine concept, but I'd struggle with finding story uses for them. They're also a bit too scary for CR 3. I suggest either you power them down or bump up that CR.
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Next up: Curaigh - Prismatic Lash

[Chris Shaeffer]

Curaigh: Prismatic Lash

Name: That is a sweet name. It sounds like a Magic: The Gathering card. Haha...

Aura/CL: CL 5 should be a faint aura for items.

Line 3: Slotless again. Come on now, guys. ;p
At 7,000 gp, I'm expecting this to be as USEFUL as a Robe of USEFUL Items. Tall order. :p

Description: Let me start by saying this is incredibly written. Everything I say here is nitpicking, but I do believe it will improve the description marginally.

GREAT opening sentence, and so simple!

"...capture light so the..." might sound better as "...capture light such that the...". I feel that having both this and the first sentence are belaboring its shininess a bit though. The description is a bit too much, in my opinion, but keep that last bit about the embers landing on ice. That is fantastic.

I would leave out mention of the lash in the descriptive portion, and instead note it in the first sentence of the second: "... creates a lash of arcane energy coiling from its end." (Note: not "like" a lash. It IS a lash.)

Man, good mechanical description. I think this would be MUCH more desirable if the lash wasn't wasted if it missed (just like the charge of a touch attack!). I love LOVE LOVE the multiple ray = multiple charges bit. Also fantastic.

Comma after "In addition", please. I like the loss of charges on dropping it! Say "charges" instead of charge.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Yes! Perfect!

Final Thoughts: This is amazing! Looking at Jacob's (hi Jacob!) comment, I agree on the whip proficiency. Seems like a fair price to pay. My Magus wants this.

I am somehow disappointed that you posted this here, because this would be in my top 32. Probably even my top ten. Maybe even... my top five. Bravo! I am in love with you.
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Next up: Jacob - Riverhound

[Chris Shaeffer]

Argh! Forgot to note above what page I'm on. I'm now on ~Page Six~!

((Again, I am no expert at creatures. Bear with me. Maybe it's good for you guys that I represent a less knowledgeable gamer in this respect, because most people voting will see your creatures from my perspective.))

Jacob Michaels: Riverhound

Name: Hmm. River. Hound. Sounds like what I should have named my archetype last year. Damn. I wonder if this will literally be an aquatic doggy. (It was! :D)

Top Section: Is it me, or does every creature ever have improved initiative? :p
Is "aquatic tremorsense" actually a game term? A google search of "'aquatic tremorsense' pathfinder" finds four hits, two of which are by you, so I'm guessing it's not. You'll have to give the creature the aquatic subtype.

Defense: AC seems right. HP, yes. Saves seem off though. I would expect something like Fort: 5, Ref: 3, Will 6. Am I missing something?

Offense: Seems good.

Statistics: Does (B) stand for Bestiary? Is that standard notation? If you make it aquatic, it won't need hold breath.

Ecology: I would go swamps or rivers. Having both "pack" and "flock" makes me laugh and is totally perfect for the concept.

Special Abilities: Ah! There's Aquatic Tremorsense. Good on you. This dispels my earlier worry. I would either give a range for it or explicitly describe it as being like tremorsense. Remember, giving it regular tremorsense along with an aquatic subtype will remove the need for this ability, saving you precious, precious word count.

Drowning Shake is a tad frightful, but its CMB isn't overly strong, so it seems balanced enough to me.

Maybe it's because I'm really tired, but I'm not really wrapping my brain around Shore Surge very well. How is this different from a charge? You could move, and then move again and attack (almost identical to a charge). Or might you be able to double move, then move AGAIN as part of your attack (giving you 3x move speed)?

All the abilities are well-named.

Description: Loving it. For some reason I like this "experimental creature gone wrong" more than the Scorpion-Tailed Tamarin. I think it must be the depiction of the nature-loving wizard. Poor dude. Why aberration and not magical beast though?

You had me at "quacking howl". You provided good hooks for the beastie to be used in-game, and I find myself enamored with the idea of them.

Final Thoughts: I'd probably vote for this. And use it! I'd like to echo theheadkase in that regard. Why do I imagine that it looks like a mix between an otter and a platypus (otterpus?)? :p

P.S. - I read your later comments on Aquatic Tremorsense. It seems well-justified, and the same points occurred to me as well while reviewing. Really, Aquatic Tremorsense SHOULD be a separate game term, in my opinion. Might as well toss an aerial tremorsense in there too, for flying creatures (it would also work for land creatures, now that I think of it. Just not burrowing or swimming ones).
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Next up: Anthony Adam - Portal Sponge

[Chris Shaeffer]

Anthony Adam: Portal Sponge

Name: Sounds squishy. I have no idea what this does based on the name alone.

Aura/CL: Hmm, again I'm at a loss about mixing aura strengths. The spell description for Detect Magic says, under Aura Strength, "If an aura falls into more than one category [[of aura strength]], detect magic indicates the stronger of the two." I am assuming that means this should strictly be moderate only.

Line 3: Slotless. :p
Man, I don't know how I feel about the standard pricing rules. There's so much they can't account for. Best method will always be "how does it stack up against similarly priced vanilla items?"

Description: Hah, great opening line. I wouldn't change a thing there. You're getting good at this. Now then, the effec-

What... Is this? Haha! It literally absorbs doors! Oddly specific. Got my attention.

Should have a dash in "chameleon-like". I assume the sponge remains the same size. You should note that. Other than that, this is perfectly worded, in my opinion. All of your hard work is really beginning to show.

This is fabulous. You've really got something here. I feel like there have been similar items in the past, but this is definitely among the best of them. I wonder about how game-breaking it might be, but it's cool enough that I don't care.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Hah! "Hold Portal"! Get it?? I am dying here! :D
Seriously, perfect spells for this. Also, the cost now seems justified with what it can do. Color me impressed.

Final Thoughts: I have minor power concerns, and yes, perhaps a usage limit would help bring it back into balance a bit... but I know, and you know, that the CONCEPT is most important. This is hilarious yet believable, and useful in a lot of ways. You could even snag trapped doors with this to use later. I would vote for this, use it as a player, and drop it in my campaign just to see the crazy s!%#e my players would do with it. Congratulations.
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Anthony Adam (again): Smoking Barrel

Name: Good name. I have high (noon) expectations.

Description: First sentence isn't doing it for me. The smoke might be a problem when trying to be stealthy.

Nice effect. Simple.

Final Thoughts: The name is quite literal. The item itself is good. Useful for one class and a few archetypes (I think. Does Holy Gun use grit?). Obviously needs some polish, but I would probably use it if I were a Gunslinger. Not really "superstar", but good and useful.
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::Page Five::

B.A. Ironskull

Name: Must capitalize. The name is interesting enough, but I think it might feel cooler as two separate words. No idea what it might be.

Aura/CL: Good.

Line 3: Oh my. That is quite costly. It had better be REALLY good. Items with multiple versions scare me because it hints that the creator might not be confident that a single version is interesting enough. We will see!

Description: The entry suffers from long sentences. Break it down a bit so its easier to digest. Good content though.

Somehow, "once every 24 hours" makes it feel like it's an obligatory action. You could try saying "Once a day, the wielder *may* drive the spike into a floor, wall, ceiling, door, or other surface."

Restricting the method of driving the spike in seems unnecessary. I can see a wooden mallet or any other blunt object doing the job just fine. Probably best to leave that alone.

Hmm, it's a decent idea, but it unfortunately falls under the category of "makes adventuring safe" items. There have been a fair number of similar items in the past, and I'm afraid that the voters are very sensitive to that kind of thing. I suggest you read Sean K Reynold's advice thread from last year as a way to learn what to avoid.

After reading the description, I think the name fails to really give the item justice. Just being a cool name isn't enough, it has to click with the item itself.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Capitalize Craft Wondrous Item. People notice. ;p

Final Thoughts: It's really not a bad first attempt at all! The formatting's almost all there, and you do describe things pretty clearly. Your next real challenge is to dive into what's been done before and to learn from all the great advice that's been posted over the years. I really do think you have potential. Good luck, and post again!!
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::Page Four::
Next up: theheadkase - Tnenopmoc Lleps

[Chris Shaeffer]

::Back to Page Five!::

Correction from previous post: I apologize, GM_Solspiral, magical beasts do indeed have darkvision.

I almost missed this little beastie. Let's have a look at her. It's a cryptid from Pennsylvania? I'm surprised I haven't heard of it. My homeland~

Jacob Michaels: Squonk

Name: This is right up there with "Flumph". I will be disappointed if this monster is serious in any way.

Top Section: "Squonk" sounds like what a small magical beast would be called. I approve.
Low-light vision AND darkvision? ... AND scent? That seems to be too much. I'd ditch the low-light, at least. [[Edit: Oh. Magical beasts do have both. All right then. You could ditch it anyway as part of the rationale for adding scent.]]
Miserable pity, eh? I like this already, and I don't even know what it is yet. Whatever it is, it sounds pathetic. In a good (and sad) way.

Defense: AC is good. HP is good. Again, I think your saves might be off. Should it not be Fort: 5, Ref: 7, Will: 0?

Offense: Attack should be one higher due to size.

Statistics: Weak, ugly, quick, clever. Classic combo.

CMB... BAB - STR penalty - SIZE penalty... should be 0, I think. Meanwhile, CMD should be 12. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Don't feel like going over skills aaaand... Shouldn't it just be "understands common"?

Ecology: Forever alone. :'(

Special Abilities: Careful on word choice (effecting vs. affecting). Careful on passive voice (speed is reduced vs. speed falls). You may be able to replace a lot of this by simply saying the creature's type changes to ooze, or something similar. I love the ability though. This thing is so pitiable.

Mutagenic Boost is effectively permanent for the purposes of combat. As you know, most combat only takes a few rounds. Unless this (probably cowardly) thing is getting into combat 20+ times a day, it will never run out of uses. Definitely needs to be reduced.

Description: Cowardly indeed. :)

I like the tie-in with their alchemy-like ability and why people want to hunt them mercilessly. Nice combo of mechanics and flavor.

You don't really describe what they look like beyond bad skin and leaky eyes. Are they reptilian? Mammalian? We are curious!

Final Thoughts: This is decent material. Their role may be pretty limited in the long run (and their hooks as well), but I can see them being pretty useful for one adventure. They should definitely be candidates for familiars. All in all, I like it, but it might not be "superstar".
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::Back to Page Four!::
Next up (tomorrow/weekend): theheadkase - Tnenopmoc Lleps

[Anthony Adam]

Wow. Someone's getting themselves into the review mood - lol. Great job.

The reality caltrop was basically 4 grenades that you threw into combat with one landing at your feet.

They then rose up creating a column of light completely encasing creatures of medium size or smaller who step into it. At that point, any creature standing in that column of night sky was treated as if they occupied ANY of the columns created during their action at the end of which they must then elect the column they are in until their next action.

Yes, you could flank a creature solo if you were standing in a column both sides of it. Yes you could treat movement as column to column are adjacent. I was even toying with the idea that by spending a mythic point, you could effectively draw a line of effect using the columns to draw the line in such a way as to navigate around obstacles to lines of effect.

It was meant as a high mobility for melee types of device.

I found something very similar on one of the past threads, and the feedback indicated meme-ness, OP and other issues.

So that's why it got dropped very quickly, but hopefully there is enough detail in there to stop you wondering :D

[Anthony Adam]

I just noticed you mentioned a usage limit on the door sponge item - I had thought that the limit that you can only absorb one door and only when the sponge was empty was a good limiter.

I realize in the rewrite that got buried in the absorbing paragraph, I suspect I should have left that important point in its own paragraph.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Welcome back, Chris. How's life out west?

Thanks for the feedback. Glad you liked the little critters, though you did catch some of the problems with them.

Re: the River Hound, I went back and forth on magical beast vs. aberration. I think I went with the latter just to do something different than my first practice critter.

The shore surge turns out to be somewhat unnecessary -- I didn't realize you can in fact charge in surprise rounds (per the core rules), so I was trying to allow for that. I suppose I would tweak it to say it could charge in difficult terrain if such terrain were water, or something along those lines. Maybe add in that it can do a drag as part of the attack? Basically, I was trying to set up a surprise attack where it surges out of the water and hits something along the shore before its prey is even aware of it.

Also good points on the squonk -- I should get back to my rewrite of that little beastie.

[Kiel Howell]

Hi again Chris!

Wow, you're in the mood to review eh?

I love reading what you put down. Helps me become a better writer and critiquer as well.

Thanks for the look on the Monk of the Reflecting Pool. You brought out some good points. A further rewrite may be necessary because I really like the archetype...do any 3PP's do archetypes? I would so love to get him published.

For the spell/caster level issue, I'm still torn. I really hate to arbitrarily say that he can't cast X level spell...because. 10 ki generally isn't that measly when you have to have 8 hours to regain the ki. 10 ki is basically a level 20 monk's ki from his class levels, which leaves him with only his ability modifier plus whatever item he has to increase it. Although I DO think now that 1 ki for level 0 spells and 2 additional for every spell level beyond is more appropriate.

I really struggled with how to make the Unbroken Surface work inside the word count! I had envisioned it working like this: Monk spends a standard action to "study" the battlefield around him. He can still move. If he sees an attack that qualifies that he would like to mimic, then he can make that attack, regardless of feat needed. Now, he doesn't get the thing he mimics' BAB or other bonuses to attack, he gains the ability. And it can only be 1 ability at a time. So with the Whirlwind example at level 1...he can't Flurry while Whirlwinding and he still has to use his own modifiers...so he can have a Whirlwind of Miss instead of Flurry of Miss :)

Good points and it really makes me want to revisit him for another rewrite! Thanks!!

[Chris Shaeffer]

Haha, hi folks! Yeah, I might have gone a little overboard yesterday. :p

Anthony: Ah, that confused me yesterday because I was exhausted, but now that I'm fed and rested, I totally get it. It's pretty neat! I'd probably make it a linked bag of them, allowing you to use as little as two and as many as... well, however many are in the bag. You'd have to throw or place each one individually. And they'd need a maximum range. Oh, or maybe one bag of "entry" caltrops, and one bag of "exit" caltrops. Like some fantasy version of Portal. :p

On the sponge... well, the only issue I can see is the players erasing ALL OF THE DOORS in the dungeon in the space of 10 minutes by "storing" them somewhere nearby. I think once-a-day absorption is completely reasonable. :p

Jacob: It's beautiful! Doing translation work for peanuts and looking to work with a college or university to no avail, but I'm alive. Totally missed PaizoCon even though I was here. (... are you hiring, Paizo?)

Ah, okay. I thought I must have been missing something on Shore Surge because I couldn't comprehend something obvious. Do rewrite them, and make more! I learned a lot about making creatures just from reviewing the three on here so far. Maybe I can avoid another Bristlecraw travesty (... I wanna rewrite it!).

theheadkase: Heh, yeah. I was bored. I'm glad you got something out of it!

I think there are a few 3PP's that do so, yeah. Look at the archetypes and classes on the SRD! (The OGC website, not the Paizo one.)

I feel ya on the arbitrary restrictions. I still think that addressing spell components would be a good idea (if he can copy weapon use, why not let him copy component and focus use for the spells too? :D). There are other ways of getting more ki, namely vows and the "extra ki" feat. It's conceivable that a ki pool could get upwards of 40 ki or more. Whether that would result in a good character or not, I can't say.

I think the 1-day limit, along with the adjusted ki cost, would balance it out pretty well. You might say that once he clears his mind to regain ki after resting, his memory of the technique fades. (Oh, also, you might want to cross-reference with the ninja, I think he has a trick that allows for limited low-level spellcasting by expending ki. Might give you a good cost guideline.)

On Unbroken Surface: Hmm, that still feels like a gamble if the monk doesn't see any feats used. What if he used an action on his turn following seeing the move because he has to posture his body and throw a few "air punches" to figure the technique out? :p

---

I probably won't get any reviews in today, but I'll be talking to you all over the next few months. :D

[Curaigh]

Welcome back Chris.
When you get far enough back, you will see the Prismatic Lash was Jacob's idea from Anthony's idea (or was it AA's from JM's?). I cannae take the credit for it, but I am glad you think it worthy. Just wait until you see what I DID hold back MWUHAHAHA
(I cannae wait to see it either....:)

Hmmmm... my personal deadline is tomorrow. I wonder what other good items can awaken within me? I think I shall visit a random Top 32 and see what it inspires.
2007+1d6 ⇒ 2, 1d32 ⇒ 7
I was talking about these with my group just this week! Haunted Shoes

[Chris Shaeffer]

Curaigh: That so? I look forward to seeing how it came about.

Hmm 2007+1d6 ⇒ 2009, 1d32 ⇒ 20
Bracelet of Shields, eh? I don't think I've actually ever read this one.

I wondered for a sec if the resilient sphere would have been extended as well. I assume it is, but it might be good to say so. It's actually pretty cool. You go Matthew Morris! :D

---

It's the weekend for me, so let's get down to the reviews!

::Page Four::

theheadcase: Tnenopmoc Lleps

Name: Really? Spell component backwards? How would you even pronounce this...? I find myself bracing for a joke item. :p

Aura/CL: Good.

Line 3: You might as well make it weightless. Normal components are weightless, and I don't think any wondrous items have a .5 lb weight either.

Description: The first sentence is a smidge long. Might want to break it up. Otherwise, I'm liking the flavor very much. Last sentence of the descriptive section is a little blah.

The intended effect is interesting, in theory, but I'm not positive all spell descriptors HAVE an opposite. What's the opposite of sonic? Of mind-affecting? Acid? Even the classical elements have trouble with this. Is the opposite of fire water or cold? Also, elemental types are already descriptors, so it is sort of redundant to refer to both.

Spell components normally don't require any action to use with a spell. There's no reason to specify this, and adding it in makes me wonder why you'd want to make it harder to use. The 10% chance of messing up confuses me. Why does this item have a higher chance of making the caster mess up his spells than other reagents? I think that would be more of a problem with a amateurish caster than the reagents themselves.

Very few items specify a hardness or hp value, either. I wonder why that's there. I do like the last bit about being dispelled. Kind of funny.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Alter self? Make whole? I must be missing something. I don't see how either of those have anything to do with what this thing does.

Final Thoughts: There's a good core idea here, for sure, and your writing is pretty good! The details need to be remade from the ground up though.
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Curaigh: Cravat of Grandeur

Name: Ooh, Cravat. I don't think I've ever seen one as an item.

Aura/CL: Good.

Line 3: Seems fine. There is precedent for lightweight cloth items having no weight.

Description: First impression is that the description is a solid block of text and could use some breaking up.

Not sure about the first sentence here, either. For some reason I feel it would be better as "The blue, green, and gold threads of this cravat grant...". What if the wearer does not have a crest or sigil of any kind?

The cravat activates every day? This is mandatory? I'd say, "The wearer may activate the cravat once per day..."

Hmm, this just seems like a bucket of random benefits. None of this shouts "cravat" to me.

When donning the cravat? That seems like it should be higher up in the description. Maybe you meant when activating it? I do like the use of a knowledge check.

More plus-to-stat bonuses. Hrrm. So everytime They see him 1) fly, 2) use his big muscles, or 3)... get... hit... they gain these benefits. For more than twice the amount of time that the item is even likely to work.

And +4 charisma.

Construction Requirements/Cost: The spells make sense... age 9? As in, the creator has to be 9 years old?? :p

Final Thoughts: I'm... really not feeling it, man. All this does is dump a load of unrelated bonuses onto a character and his friends. I've suggested this to others, but you really have to marry the effects of the item to the item itself. What IS a cravat? Why a cravat and not some other random item? You have the crest, and some lacey ruffles. I bet there's some kind of effect you could tie to those.

P.S. - Oh! Okay, I read your next comment. You had me going man. I felt like I was in the twilight zone, because I know I've seen better from you!! Phew!
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Next up: Anthony Adam - Dimensional Albumin

[Kiel Howell]

Heh, thanks Chris! I drew inspiration from Reverse Wood from the Piers Anthony Xanth series of books. And that name is the one I would want but can't use. WAAHH!!!

I wrestled with that very same problem about opposites. I thought that not wasting words on it would be a better choice than trying to account for all the possibilities. Maybe if I narrowed down the descriptors and provided for that it would work.

My thought behind having an action associated with this was that it was a special component that would be kept in a separate pouch, represented by the action to account for keeping it in a non-normal place as other spell components, or would be kept in the same pouch, in which case there is a chance for accidentally grabbing that. The spell doesn't get messed up (at least in my head!) but rather the caster risks casting the opposite descriptor (waterball instead of fireball, darkness instead of light, etc.) if he keeps it loose with his other components.

I specified hardness and such because I believe it is priced low enough that you could carry a bunch of these around...and smart enough creatures might start sundering if they recognize a spell that comes out opposite when a character pulls these out.

[Chris Shaeffer]

theheadcase: Ah, neat. I think I've heard of Reverse Wood, actually.

What I'm saying is... why would this item have a chance of being used accidentally when that is never an issue with normal components? Normal components include all kinds of herbs, twigs, dusts, stones, and whatnot, and a caster is never in danger of confusing those with each other, even in combat. Is there something inherent about this item that would make it more likely to be grabbed by mistake?

I can't think of any 100% effective solutions to your opposites conundrum. Let me know if you come up with something. :p

Hmm, even so, other useful items that could be the target of sunder attempts don't specify it either. It wouldn't seem as strange to me if I could find any kind of precedent, I think.

---

Anthony Adam: Dimensional Albumin

Name: ...what's an albumin?

Description: "Semi-translucent" requires a dash. I think there might be more visually pleasing ways of describing that though.

... So it's a yolkless egg? I still don't know what albumin is. Egg white? I think few people know the word, and that will cost you.

Ah, then you do call it an egg. Why not name the item "Dimensional Egg" then? Eww, squicky...

Okay, you mean dimension as in physical dimension. You've gotta be careful with that word in fanatasy settings, because I was thinking this was going to have something to do with shifting on planes of existence, or something.

So this basically turns you into an ooze. Might be easier to just say that.

I recommend never using "etc." in your entries, especially not in the middle of a sentence.

It's such a short duration. :(

I recommend taking that last bit out of the parenthesis and making it a standalone sentence or working it into the previous one.

Final Thoughts: This is really icky. Alter self and grease seem like good prerequisite spells. Cool.
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GM_Solspiral: Manual of Advanced Animal Husbandry

Name: Exactly what it says on the tin, eh? Sounds distinctly un-magical.

Aura/CL: Again, I'm pretty positive you can't mix aura strengths like that. You'd have to say "strong" only. There's no such school as "alteration", do you mean transmutation?

Line 3: Pricey, but I expected that with the caster level.

Description: There have been outcries by the judges about giving your item a backstory. This isn't SO bad, but it might be good just to stick to a cool visual description.

"There are two ways to use this manual" is a completely unnecessary statement. You can just write the two ways to use it without pointing out that there are two ways.

How does the book grant the advanced template to an animal? I'm curious. Does the wielder read a section of the book to the animal? Does he smack it on the head with the book? :p

You seem to have a run-on sentence in the second section. How is following nutritional guidelines magical?

Argh, 55,000 gold for ONE use? That's no bueno, man. Also, if its a good source on the handle animal skill (game term), then it ought to specify a numerical bonus or other benefit for that.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Holy moly! That's a lot of spells. I'm generally wary of items that have any more than two, or three at most. This has seven. Wish/miracle is way over the top as a requirement. There must be something more suitable. Oddly specific requirement, with the consulting three authors thing. That tends to turn people off as well.

Final Thoughts: I like the fluff, but it seems to lack the "wondrous" part of "wondrous item". Maybe you could make it usable in combat by allowing the advanced template to be applied to an animal for a number of rounds x times per day? More flexible.
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GM_Solspiral: Bursting Spurs

Name: I like this name. The use of a verb does a lot to grab your attention.

Aura/CL: Don't capitalize the school name. Also, it's "abjuration".

Line 3: Ah, that kind of spur! Okay. This seems quite a bit pricey for the CL. We will see.

Description: You just jumped right into the mechanics here. It's a bit jarring. This is a draft though, so it's okay.

What do you mean by "localized"? Is healing burst a game term (I actually don't know. Please enlighten me.)? "ft." needs a period after it.

The second sentence is a run-on. Charts in the description are likely to be a turn-off and a waste of words. It's also restrictive and a bit strange that you have to select the number of uses per day.

I would adjust the usage and write it as, "The spurs have five charges per day which heal 1d6 each. The rider may expend as many charges as he wishes per use."

If I'm reading this correctly, you're saying that you can use the spurs to heal the mount, rider, and any other creatures within 5 feet, as well as removing fear and fatigue from the mount.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Surmount affliction should be sufficient. I don't think you need both spells here. A healing spell would make sense though.

Final Thoughts: This is actually pretty useful. Not sure if it would cut it in competition (which is a non-issue, since it's for something completely different), but I might actually use it!
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Next up: theheadkase - Cleansing Spirits

[frank gori]

Thanks for doing this Chris. I really got to get around to doing 2nd or 3rd drafts in this thread...

[Curaigh]

Chris Shaeffer wrote:

Curaigh: That so? I look forward to seeing how it came about.

Hmm 2007+1d6 ⇒ 2009, 1d32 ⇒ 20
Bracelet of Shields, eh? I don't think I've actually ever read this one.

I wondered for a sec if the resilient sphere would have been extended as well. I assume it is, but it might be good to say so. It's actually pretty cool. You go Matthew Morris! :D

---

Uh oh, Chris is about to see where some of the visuals on the Phantasmal Lash come from (MM --> JB :)

[Chris Shaeffer]

GM_Solspiral: Not a problem! We're here to help each other out. If any of my critiques seem blunt, I apologize. I hope people remember that I am writing down my very first reactions to everything I see. I don't read the whole item before I start writing. The way I figure it, it will closer reflect the mindsets that people have when voting. :p

I'd like to see revisions. It's amazing how much an item can improve within the space of one draft.

Curaigh wrote:

Uh oh, Chris is about to see where some of the visuals on the Phantasmal Lash come from (MM --> JB :)

I wasn't about to, but I guess I am now!

---

Continuing on with ::Page Four::

theheadkase: Cleansing Spirits

Name: I was half-expecting a pun, but I was happy to see it has nothing to do with ghosts. :p

Aura/CL: Again, I really don't believe you can mix aura strengths. I would appreciate if someone could tell me one way or the other.

Line 3: All righty.

Description: I personally think "This" sounds better than "A", but that is a nitpick. You have some passive with "is removed". Maybe something like "Removal of the stopper releases a smell like freshly cleaned and pressed clothing from the container."

Using "provokes" as shorthand for "provokes an attack of opportunity" is probably a no-go. You also use "is" here. Something like a standard "The bearer may pour ... as a full-round action ..." would work better. Can someone use it on clothes that aren't worn? On armor? Does the effect remain if you remove the clothing?

I'm not sure what you mean by being "encompassed" in spell turning. You may have some subject-predicate confusion here: is it the spell or the caster of the spell making the check against spell resistance?

I like the second ability, and actually think it's worth its own item! It's a stretch to see how the two abilities are related though. Again, watch the "provokes" in isolation. Instead of "liquid", you might just want to say "cleansing spirits" (or "spirits" if your word count is tight).

Construction Requirements/Cost: Good choices!

Final Thoughts: In retrospect, I'm not sure that the Cleansing part of the name is very accurate. Overall, it's a neat little item, but I do think it's way overpriced for a single use.
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Anthony Adam: Splitter Pendant

Name: Neat. Does it split you into multiple copies, er sumthin?

Description: You tend to be just a tad too precise in your desciptions. Is it really necessary to say its three inches long? :p

"A spellcaster may use" might be better. The second and third sentences should probably be combined into something like "A spellcaster may use this pendant to change the area of effect of his spells." Note afterwards that it cannot be used with spells that have a range of personal or touch. Also, be careful about ending your sentences with prepositions (at).

Again, your intructions for the way the thing should be facing seem overly specific. How about "While casting, the spellcaster may aim the longer point of the triangle towards his target to change a non-ray spell into a ray spell. No need for "and length" in the second sentence here. I would also probably just say "... THAN the length, width, or height of the original spell's area of effect". No need to specify "the larger", people will take the biggest dimension they can get away with. :p

Try, "By holding the triangle with its base towards his target, the spellcaster may instead change a ray spell into a cone spell." The word "standard" seems unneccessary in the last sentence.

Final Thoughts: If the damage does not change, then this makes some ray spells ridiculously powerful, and there's no limit on use. On the other hand, reducing an area effect to a ray seems to have limited utility. This is a serious (probably overpowered) boon for ray spell casters (magi that can cast ray spells as part of their melee attack will like this). I do like the visual connection between the ends of the triangle and the effect produced.

It's a really cool idea. Why not just have it turn cones into lines and vice-versa? You can double the range of a cone by making it into a line or halve the range of a line while making it into a cone (with the same width as its length). Ooh, perhaps you could make it a burst/column/spread by holding the triangle vertically as well?? Something that manipulated between three specific forms of AREA EFFECTS ONLY would be useful, balanced, and really cool.

You could describe this more easily by making it a cone-shaped stone instead of a triangle. Splitter pendant seems to be a misnomer, because it's not quite splitting anything...
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Next up: Oh, you revised it! :p

[Kiel Howell]

True to my word...I'm posting a word before Monday...whether or not you consider Sunday as the end of the week...well that's a different story :)

I know...another slotless item. Although I do have a question on items taking multiple slots.
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Decoy Aura
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs
Description
Resembling a small doll, the decoy aura is a riot of rainbow hues. The loud, distracting coloration and exaggerated features make ignoring it a difficult feat.

Once per day as a full-round action to activate, the decoy aura can be set down on the ground and a word whispered to it designating an alignment for the doll to radiate. An active doll will run in any direction it is facing when released.

Anything attempting any method to discern alignment is forced to detect the decoy aura unless they make a successful Will save DC 14.

The doll will remain active for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, the decoy aura loses its ability to radiate an alignment unless it is remade as per its construction.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, imbue with aura; Cost 750 gp

[Anthony Adam]

I'll catch up in a day or two everyone. My daughter left for University this weekend and the house is now completely empty. I wasn't expecting it to hit me this hard, but I just can't concentrate right now. I'll be okay in a day or two, but thought it polite to let you all know.

[Chris Shaeffer]

Oh yeah, I can totally understand that, Anthony. Still, she's off to a bright new future, and you've done well by her. You should be proud! We'll see you in a few days. :)

---

Anthony Adam: Refraction Pendant

Name: Ah, I like that better than splitter. What about using the word "prism"?

Description: So it's a diamond in a crystal, ey? I would write the sentence this way:

"A perfect diamond floats inside this hollow crystal, reflecting light in a myriad of rainbow hues as it rotates. It dangles from a chain of simple silver."

I think you should cut the description there. Even with what I have above, I feel like it might be a bit much.

I can tell right away that this is WRITTEN MUCH BETTER. This is night and day with the last version.

I don't think you need to say "basic" attack roll. I've never heard the phrase.

In the last paragraph, you'll want a period (or "and") before "The target is simply hit or missed."

Final Thoughts: Again, you are allowing a ray to become a cone, which I feel is a huge positive.

After that, you are turning an area of effect into a ray (huge negative) and then doing nothing to give it a benefit. Like the last version of this item, I worry that it could make ray spells overpowering. I guess I'm just failing to see why someone would ever WANT to change a cone spell into a ray, except in very unusual circumstances.

I actually liked the triangular (or conical, if you take my advice) version of the item better than this. The visual relationship between the item and the effect was neat for me. :)
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Jacob Michaels: Spellsword Hilt

Name: (Aha! This is the inspiration for Curaigh's version. :D) The name is straightforward enough. Maybe too much so?

Aura/CL: I'm not so sure you can have items without a school. Even without any spells as requirements, might it be "universal"? And where did you get the CL?? :p

Line 3: Make it 1 lb. Good otherwise.

Description: Great opening line. I can picture it perfectly, and it piques my interest Good job.

Ah, no save, but only one round. That seems... fair. Does the touch attack provoke attacks of opportunity? You have the word count, so you might as well mention it.

Can he do a dagger? A knife?... Throwing knife, actually? What happens if he lets go? As written, I assume yes, yes, yes, and that the blade remains whether he's holding it or not.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Borderline weapon, yeah. I think this would barely make it through in terms of that rule. I'm sure you can find at least ONE spell to use here.

Final Thoughts: I do like it! I'm sure this would fare well against other items in voting. I do like Curaigh's just a bit better though. ;p
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::Page Three::
Next up: Curaigh - Spinestick

[Anthony Adam]

Hi all

Just noticed the question about items without schools.

I believe that this is perfectly ok, and here is why

...from the PRD, Core Rules, Magic Section...

"A small number of spells (arcane mark, limited wish, permanency, prestidigitation, and wish) are universal, belonging to no school.".

So universal is not a school, so you wouldn't use it in the item as the school.

[Chris Shaeffer]

Anthony Adam wrote:

Hi all

Just noticed the question about items without schools.

I believe that this is perfectly ok, and here is why

...from the PRD, Core Rules, Magic Section...

"A small number of spells (arcane mark, limited wish, permanency, prestidigitation, and wish) are universal, belonging to no school.".

So universal is not a school, so you wouldn't use it in the item as the school.

Yeah, but I've never seen an item with "no school" either. Hmm... Ah, found some. Looks like precedents include all of the rods, a few rings and, interestingly enough, Spellstrike Gloves, another Magus-made item. The rods and rings technically aren't wondrous items, but the gloves seal the deal for me.

Seems legit! Thanks for teaching us something.

[Curaigh]

Anthony Adam wrote:

I'll catch up in a day or two everyone. My daughter left for University this weekend and the house is now completely empty. I wasn't expecting it to hit me this hard, but I just can't concentrate right now. I'll be okay in a day or two, but thought it polite to let you all know.

Congratulations Papa in Blue. I assume it is blue, but one can only guess Oxford or Cambridge? Oxford or Cambridge?

[Chris Shaeffer]

::Page Three::

Curaigh: Spinestick (Revision)

Name: Love the name. I'm hoping for something creepy and necromancy-y.

Aura/CL: Yay necromancy! CL 5 should be a faint aura for items.

Line 3:

Description: Cool. I like this very much. And the way it functions is clear enough. Some minor quibbles:

- I don't believe you have to italicize spinestick, Advanced Player's Guide, or coup de grace (and you spelled the latter incorrectly).
- You ought to move the last two sentences (from "The target creature..." to "... one day per hit die.") up to after "charges the spinestick with the creature's life energy". Move everything after that sentence down into a new paragraph. The reason for this is because you're jumping around, describing how to charge it, then what to use the charges for, then going back to explaining how to charge it. You want similar sections together.
- I would rephrase slightly to "The charge functions as hero points, but does not count towards the user's maximum and can only be used to prevent the user's death."
- Do you want to say "a character's death" or specifically "the user's death"? If you want it usable on other characters, you'll have to explain how.
- Just use parenthetical citation: "...as per the reroll rules (Advanced Player's guide, p. 271)."
- You may save some confusion if you refer to the hero points contained in the spinestick as multiple "charges" instead of a singular "charge". Actually, why say "charge" at all when you can just say "(temporary) hero points"?
- Don't use etc., especially not in the middle of the sentence, see if you can find a statement to the same effect instead ("and the like").

Construction Requirements/Cost: Uh oh, looking at the spell decription, I wonder if this is sort of SIAC-ish. It's very similar to the spell, except restricted only to lifesaving uses for the hero points and with a longer duration for those points.

Final Thoughts: I do like the item, the writing, and the feel. I think it would do passably well in voting rounds, but that is in spite of its SIAC nature, and not because of it.

P.S. - I haven't read the original yet. I'll take a look at it and note if I find anything comment-worthy.
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Anthony Adam: Imperial Winds Cloak (Revision)

Name: Great name. Makes sense.

Aura/CL: Yep...

Line 3: ...yep, yep. :)

Description: Much tighter description than the first version. Good job. Quibbles:
- I would probably phrase the beginning as "This deep crimson cloak of velvet...". Sounds better in my brain.
- Take out "from the cloak". We know where the leaves are.
- Comma after "around the wearer".
- What Jacob said is true, you can specify deflection bonus and not say against what kinds of attacks. Methinks that attacks that don't require attack rolls aren't attacks, by game terms.
- Might want to specify that there needs to be a line of sight or effect. Can't get through walls, after all.
- Ah, so can the person who gains control of the effect pass it on to someone else, ad infinitum? That's neat. :D
- Instead of "at the end of which", try "after which". You do not need a comma after "which".
- You don't need "originating". "The cloak" is the cloak that they originated from. There is no reason to assume otherwise.
- 4 rounds makes a lot more sense, but 1 hour is still rather short and might still be usable almost every battle. Better though.
- I think you can combine the "dispelled" section with the line describing the normal end of the effect. This works fine too though.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Works for me!

Final Thoughts: The second version is much better. On the first version, I was thinking, "okay, so +2 deflection AC... and you can pass it on. That's it?" There have been plenty of items almost exactly like that in all but the visuals. The difference in the second version is that you relinquish control of the effect to the target, which allows for interesting play. I wonder though, what is the maximum range from the cloak to the effect? Couldn't players keep passing it along a chain to get the effect somewhat far away?

Overall, I like the item. Good job. :)
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Curaigh: Bite-back Beetles, Vest

Name: You probably meant "Vest of". Not sure if I'm digging the extreme alliteration (ahem, don't look at my 2012 item) or the hyphenation.

Aura/CL: Check.

Line 3: No weight? They're made of metal.

Description: Cool visuals. Quibbles:
- What's a flash scarab?
- I'd move the activation sentence up to the top of the mechanics. The first thing I thought was, "Well, when are they active?"
- You should write "precision damage" instead of "precise damage".
- So you're saying, 10% of the time, crits and precision damage are prevented, but the other 90% of the time, cone of buggy death? I think you could write this clearer.
- Neat effect!
- Is the vest also dormant until morning if the 12 hours is up?
- You reduce by 2, not by -2. You could say instead they have a -2 penalty.

Construction Requirements/Cost: Yeah, these work. Price seems good, in retrospect.

Final Thoughts: The "garment made of bugs" thing has been done, but this is pretty cool. You'd need a more captivating name, but I can otherwise see this faring well in competition.
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::Page Two::
Next up: Orcus of Undeath - Scabbard of Dissonance

[Chris Shaeffer]

::Page Two::

I'm going to try a different layout for my reviews. Should make more sense. Also, correction, item names ARE italicized within text.

Orcus of Undeath: Scabbard of Dissonance

Name: I assume this is going to be sound-related? Bursting eardrums by smacking the sword back in the scabbard? :p

Description: You had me until "fresh leather". This isn't a new car - it's a scabbard made out of monstrous faces! Try to avoid passive sentence construction.

I don't like the feat in a can, UNLESS it dovetails into the actual ability of the item. Doesn't seem to, at first glance.

I'm fine with 3/day, just be aware that it's probably THE most common usage limit, and people might start to get tired of seeing it on every other item. Not necessarily a negative though.

By saying "with a magical effect", my brain thinks you mean "any magical effect", or "a magical effect from the following", but it seems there's only one. It may be better to just say that it becomes a bane weapon.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: I don't know if Limited Wish is really what you're going for. I generally think it's a good idea to avoid using wish/miracle spells as requirements, unless the effect is actually wish/miracle-related. There is a "Bane" spell. It has a different effect, but it might be a good place to start.

Using limited wish will not give you a transmutation aura. It will be (no school) instead (as I recently discovered). Also, a CL of 13 will give this item a 'strong' aura.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: It is rather costly, but seems useful enough to almost warrant it.

Final Thoughts: What worries me here is that while it is useful, it's also 1) A feat in a can, and 2) A weapon feature in a can. It doesn't really do anything innovative. The name also doesn't fit what it does. Most people will be thinking it's sound-related, but it ends up being all about bane. Still, you have decent writing ability and what looks to be a good understanding of the game rules. I think you could come up with something great if you let your creativity fly!
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Honorable mention: Curaigh - Spinestick (original)
Somehow, some of the writing seems clearer in this version than in the rewrite. Maybe it's just me.
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Honorable mention: Anthony Adam - Superstar the Card Game
This looks pretty fun! It makes me want to do a deckbuilding game like Dominion. I want to enhance my items with "filigree" and vie for the most votes! :p
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GM_Solspiral: Soldier's Fortune

Name: I'm wondering what physical object this must be. It sounds more like a feat or trait than an item.

Description: First thing to jump out at me: Coin! While not necessarily a dealbreaker, there has been a long tradition of hating on coin-based items, ESPECIALLY if they are luck-related (and based on the name, I assume it must be). I don't think this is covered in Sean's advice thread, but it's kind of one of the hidden no-no's of the competition.

I heard that now it's a thing to avoid specific references to Golarion and its pantheon in these items. That they should be setting-neutral. You could leave it at butterfly and wasp without calling out the deities specifically. (Note, I was guily of this in my first entry, and was lucky that it got through.)

The second sentence needs some work. At the moment, it uses "is" twice, and just sounds blah as a result.

You make it sound like it is placed after scoring the critical hit. You'll want to rewrite that, and be sure to specify that the target hit is the target of the spell. It's not just any opponent. Italicize bungle and true strike.

The problem with casting true strike on a roll of 1 is that the attack will still miss, because 1's always miss, regardless of bonuses. It might be better to say the roll is treated as a 20. Be sure to say "roll of 1" instead of "critical miss".

Whoah now. You lost me with the reincarnation/revenant thing. That's just so wildly different from the first set of abilities, it ought to be a different item entirely.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: It's spelled Wondrous. ;)
Another ill effect of tacking on too many abilities is having too many spells. I am wary of items that have more than two or three at most. You can't mix aura strengths. The aura will match the CL of the item, so this is a "moderate divination, enchantment, and transmutation". Note that I alphabetized the aura types. Also be sure to alphabetize (and don't capitalize!) the required spells.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: That IS a heavy coin. ;p

Price seems right - IF you stick to the first two abilities only. Otherwise, it's way under-priced, I think.

Final Thoughts: I see what you're doing here, flavor-wise, but it's just too much. I like what you're doing with critical hits and misses though, if you could tweak it a bit. I wonder if you could put two coins on a weapon, effectively expanding your crit range and making it a lot more likely that you'll bungle your enemy. :p
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Jacob Michaels: Blood god wine

Name: Be sure to capitalize. I like the name. :)

Description: Too many commas. I feel like you are using them in place of invisible "is"-es. Try something like this: "A deep crimson wine pours thickly from this ornate bottle, almost the consistency of blood."

Otherwise, good!

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: As we recently discussed, "universal" isn't a school, but rather a lack of one, and this spot should say "faint (no school)" instead. Arcane mark is a good prerequisite.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Seems well-priced. I'd make it a full pound.

Final Thoughts: Hey, this is actually pretty cool. A bit limited though, since it's only really usable with a single archetype of a single class, available to a single race. If not for that, I'd think this was quite awesome. We like seeing low-level consumables. :)
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Anthony Adam: Doves Kiss

Name: You need an apostrophe in there. I find myself wondering what the item will actually be and do.

Description: Whoa, whoa, flavor text is a narrative. As far as I can recall, that sort of thing is frowned upon heavily by the judges especially. This ain't a Magic: The Gathering card, baby! And I don't even know what the item IS yet.

HOWEVER, the first sentence after that is perfect. In one sentence, you 1) told me what it is, 2) told me how you activate it, and 3) gave a cool visual! That's all you need, right there.

The next sentence has too many commas. Try: "The dove will unerringly fly towards the individual named for up to 24 hours. Upon arrival, it will flutter before him, waiting to land upon his hand."

I would say "If the dove is attacked or restrained in any way, it immediately...". It seems unnecessary to say "by beast or humanoid".

Ah, shame you had to make it reusable.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Good!

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: I'd like it better if you made the item cheaper and just make it a one-shot deal. :D

Final Thoughts: Yeah, this is less-efficient version of a spell, in a can. But... "what a can!" :)

I actually really like this. There are a ton of messaging items out there, and I'm sad that this would get lost among them.
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::Page One::
Next up: theheadkase - Intellectual's Clay Pipe (I like it already)

[Chris Shaeffer]

::Page One::

theheadkase: Intellectual's Clay Pipe (revision)

Name: I like it. It sounds like it would be a classic item that's always existed.

Description: Simple imagery/smellery. Maybe too much so. I like simple though.

It's sort of a mix of a Native American peace pipe and Sherlock's pipe when he's doing heavy thinking. I appreciate that.

You could probably combine the two paragraphs without saying "smoking the pipe for five minutes" twice.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Seems fine.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Cool.

Final Thoughts: Not much to critique here, since it's so simple. I like it, and it would be a fun for a detective sort of fellow, but I'm not sure how it would fare against strong competition. It gives some bonuses, but doesn't really *do* anything.
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Jacob Michaels: Craftsman's Gilding

Name: As in, just a gold covering for other objects? (Yep.)

Description: FILIGREEEEeeeeeee. XD

I'm not sure if there are "common cursed items" so much as "items with common curses".

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Good choice. :p

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Seems all right. Maybe a tad expensive.

Final Thoughts: Filigree jokes aside, this is a really useful item, and I'm surprised it doesn't exist. I'm not sold on the name, and it might not have enough WOW factor for some people, but it SHOULD exist, and that's enough for me. Remember folks, items that should exist but don't are a great thing to make!
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Anthony Adam: Old Salt Chew

Name: Liking it!

Description: Chewing gum in Pathfinder is a bit anachronistic. Maybe you could stylize it as a candy or something instead.

While I like the initial description, it makes said tar hard to find. I would avoid backstory like this.

"Month old sailor socks" made me laugh. I think it's just jokey enough to be popular. Some people don't like that though. :p

Four rounds is way too long. Make it until the next round.

... Spit or swallow? That... no. Absolutely not. This is probably where I'd vote for the other item. ;p

The first ability is pretty good as is!

... The second ability... how can the patient chew it if he's unconscious? Does the surgeon chew it then spit it into his unconscious patient's mouth? If that's the case, then the intitial user isn't "spitting or swallowing", just spitting. :p

"...or the bile thickens..."

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: The effect is sort of the opposite of grease, but I can get behind it. Tar ball might have been better. Maybe.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Nice and cheap. Good.

Final Thoughts: The idea's good enough, especially if you like icky stuff. On the other hand, the ickiness might be a turn-off for some. The second ability doesn't make much sense to me in any respect, and doesn't really fit the rest of the item (sticky tar = water-filled lungs cure?). I'd sooner see it dropped.
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Anthony Adam: Reaching Tendril / Insidious Seed

Name: I liked Insidious Seed better!

Description: I'm not keen on "striped diagonally". Sounds too geometric for a seed or veins. The rest of the flavor line is awesome and creepy.

I'd say:
"... causes a vine to sprout..."
"... growing as far as 30 feet in one round." (Next sentence here is awesome.)

I think the DC should exist for all unaware creatures, not just sleeping ones. I think a DC of 10~12 would be appropriate, as the +10 DC from sleeping is already hefty.
You're using "they" a lot as a neutral pronoun. You might want to stick to a singular victim and give him or her a gender.

What if there's no soil? It can't be planted on a stone floor, right?

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Why is it necromancy? I almost think entangle might be a better spell for this.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Looks good.

Final Thoughts: I like this a lot, actually. I would use this, as long as it wasn't restricted to sleeping creatures. It almost seems like a monster in a can (er, shell?), but I think people would let it slide.

Edit: Had a thought! What if you were able to control the vine as if it were like mage hand or telepathy? Might be fun.
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theheadkase: Blackened Sheer / Blackened Silk Sheer

Name: Hmm, it's not quite doing it for me. Just "Blackened Silk" might, though.

Description: This is a passive description ("has been"). Also, "bolt" makes me think it's a full bolt of cloth wound around a spool. Maybe something like... "Fire instilled within this red silken cloth has caused it to blacken and char."

I feel that the rewrite has too many abilities. It's gone from being a just a fire trap to a fire trap, gas mask, and pocket warmer. I liked the first one's spitefulness, but I think most people don't like items that require them to die to trigger its abilities.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Yep.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Both versions seem reasonably priced.

Final Thoughts: I think you're on to something in the first version, but the second one overstretches its bounds a bit.
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::Page Eight::
Next up: theheadkase - Decoy Aura

[Curaigh]

6 down, 3 to go. :)

These are nowhere near as cool as Elizabeth Leib's, I dinnae think I even captured her haunting-ness!

Echoing Clogs
Aura faint illusion; CL 7th
Slot feet; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
Thick wooden soles support these black and silver shoes. A distinct clomping sound echoes whenever these are worn. When activated this echo emanates from a point up to 30 ft. from the wearer. The wearer chooses where the echo comes from and may direct it as a free action when moving. The echo lasts for 10 minutes. The echoes activate traps that use location, proximity, and sound triggers. The trap affects the wearer channeled through his echo, but he gains a +4 competence bonus to the required saves or a +4 dodge bonus to armor class.
The clog’s echoes may be interpreted by the wearer to ‘hear’ his immediate area. This grants the wearer blindsense to a range of 30 feet useable for 10 rounds a day. Activating this is a move action, but may be maintained as a free action.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Dodge, echolocation, ghost sound, unseen servant, ventriloquism; Cost 5,000 gp

I have two other writing deadlines this week, so I know I could have spent more time on this. As a rough draft, I think it has some potential (I assume y'all will disagree of course. :)

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Interesting, though the last power feels a little SAK to me.

I was getting ready to say that even though it was a neat mechanic, it was a makes-adventuring-easier item, but you deal with that well (though it's a bit odd that the wearer could be hit by an arrow that doesn't actually have a direct path to him, which is what this sort of says).

---

Chris, glad you liked both items. Yeah, the blood god wine was neat, but obviously incredibly limited (I was making it for a character of that class, of course). The gilding was a fun idea too, even if it was based on mocking the complaints about filigree. Perhaps one I should have saved. I didn't realize I've done so few entries for this year's 9 Blazing Months. I'm working on a few Wayfinder items, but then maybe I'll see if I can't come up with something else to post here soon.

[Anthony Adam]

Curaigh wrote:

Anthony Adam wrote:

I'll catch up in a day or two everyone. My daughter left for University this weekend and the house is now completely empty. I wasn't expecting it to hit me this hard, but I just can't concentrate right now. I'll be okay in a day or two, but thought it polite to let you all know.

Congratulations Papa in Blue. I assume it is blue, but one can only guess Oxford or Cambridge? Oxford or Cambridge?

Neither, she's at London, at the RVC (Royal Veterinary College) working on her Vet degree.

And the price of Vet books - owchie indeedy.

[Kiel Howell]

Echoing Clogs

I like the name.

I think CL 7th qualifies for moderate aura.

Comma between thick and wooden. I don't know if this is a hard and fast rule, but I've seen it used by the judges.

Slight nitpick here but the clomping sound echoes whenever they are worn...not when they are walked in? :)

Hmmm...making traps safe. That's a risky venture as I seem to recall that being a no-no...but this doesn't do all traps I guess and it can still affect the wearer...just with an easier save.

The bonus kind of bugs me. So the clogs set the trap off but it does so after warning the wearer? Is that why the bonus? I honestly think this would be stronger as leaving the bonus out and letting the trap affect the wearer if it has enough range. Also, the way it is written, it implies that it would not affect another character standing next to the trap as the trap gets channeled through the echo to the wearer.

The 1st power could be interesting enough that I don't think the sonar sense is needed. It feels...not tacked on...but added because you didn't feel like the trap part was cool enough on it's own.

Cost and construction seem fine.

Well, I like the idea to be honest. But I think this falls into Book of Magic Items trap (pun intended). Can we coin that here? Like SAK or SiaC? BoMI. The description isn't jazzy enough to really catch the eye...but the idea does since its not exactly one of those auto trap-disabling items. Revise it! I'd love to see a second or third go.

[Curaigh]

Thanks guys, it does need work and I felt pizazz fell to finishing :) I will clean it up in the future.

Speaking of finishing, Tim says they have no magic items for Wayfinder #10. Perhaps if we combined we could get a complete article set up? (750 words) Of if you have two or three you should submit them. :) The theme is Katapesh and Qadira if you have not been following along. :)

[Kiel Howell]

I'm a little embarrassed to say this but I didn't quite get what the format needed to be for it! Help?

[Jacob W. Michaels]

I've got three pieces of ammunition I'm working on for it, hopefully enough to get a nice, neat 750-word article.

[Anthony Adam]

I asked the same question two issues back - you can use the same format as Round 1 Superstar and the same word limit.

*cracks whip* - now get some items submitted!

Also with items, they will pick those they deem the best (one of the three I had managed to get picked in Wayfinder 7), so even if you only have one item, submit it anyway - the more items they have to choose from, the better for everyone and the issue too!

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Remember NOT to use BBC code, which I've actually had to remind myself when I've submitted for non-Paizo sources. Put the actual headers, etc. in bold/italics as they appear. : )

Granted, I realized before I submitted, but I had to go through my module and strip out all the BBC coding I'd put in out of habit.

[Kiel Howell]

AHA! I've got three entries to send in.

Thanks for the reminder to not use BB code...it was harder than I thought it would be to NOT use them!

[Anthony Adam]

Good luck with your entries and well done for submitting!

Here's a tip for you on bb code

- Send a PM to yourself or a reviewer.
- When the send form opens, using your text including the BB code, copy and paste it into the message box.
- HIT PREVIEW
- Selected the formatted result and CTRL_C, Copy button to get the formatted result into your copy buffer.
- Open Word
- Paste

BB code to formatted output with minimum fuss and allows you to keep your formatting practice going.

[frank gori]

Curaigh wrote:

Thanks guys, it does need work and I felt pizazz fell to finishing :) I will clean it up in the future.

Speaking of finishing, Tim says they have no magic items for Wayfinder #10. Perhaps if we combined we could get a complete article set up? (750 words) Of if you have two or three you should submit them. :) The theme is Katapesh and Qadira if you have not been following along. :)

I threw them a couple hero's hoard articles but 1 is a little short on word count... if you want to combine powers I did a street rat theme of mostly escape based items and kept it at 3k or less...

[Chris Shaeffer]

theheadkase: Decoy Aura

Name: I know exactly what this will do! Maybe!

Description: Does it resemble a small doll, or IS it one? Only use "resemble" if it isn't (It may look like a doll, but it's actually a cannon!). This first sentence is passive. It may be that some items I just reviewed used both "riot" and "rainbow hues", but I find the sentence wanting, somehow. The second sentence is great though.

You don't have to say "to activate".

I would say "may be" instead of "can be". Speaking of which, that is a passive construction.

"... is forced..." is passive.

"... is remade as per its construction." is a tad confusing (and also passive). Doesn't this just mean that you're making a new one entirely? Why mention it? Just say it becomes a regular doll, or that it is destroyed.

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: Good choice. All correct.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: Worth the price! Good job.

Final Thoughts: I personally don't use alignment in my campaigns. So it really depends on playstyle, but I could see this being useful for gaming groups that are more into stealth and intrigue.

"No toys" is one of Sean's guidelines, but I think the doll thing works for this. Not sure if it should be a one-shot item though.

Overall, purdy good! Just watch that passive!
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Curaigh: Echoing Clogs

Name: Clogs are just plain silly, and not exactly combat-worthy, but I like it just the same.

Description: I agree with theheadkase about "whenever worn".

It might be because I'm a bit foggy right now, but I just stumbled over this twice and have finally grasped what it's about. Some notes:

- Does the wearer have to be walking for the echoing to work? Or can he stay still?
- Does the wearer need to see, or at least know the layout of the area he's issuing the echo from? Can he direct it through walls?
- You variably refer to the sound as "echo" and "echoes". It might be better to be consistent there.
- "The trap affects the wearer channeled through his echo..." makes sense, but is still a bit confusing on the first read-through. It may be better to say "The echoes act as conduits to the wearer, and the traps affect him as if he were present." Higher word-count, but much clearer. Play around with it.
- Why would traps affect the wearer, but not other attacks and spells aimed at the perceived source of the echo?
- The first sentence of the second power is confusing (and passive). Try, "The wearer may use the echoes to gain a mental image of his immediate area." May the rounds for this power be divided up and used however he wants?
- "Activating this is a move action" is passive, as is "may be maintained as a free action".

Construction Requirements/Aura/CL: CL 7th is no longer faint. It should be moderate. Too many spells!! At the very least, I would go for ghost sound OR ventriloquism, but not both. Maybe even drop unseen servant. I do see why you included each of these though.

Price/Cost/Slot/Weight: For once, I think an item might actually be a little too cheap! (I'm bad with pricing though.)

Final Thoughts: This barely avoids being a "makes adventuring safe" item by having the traps indirectly affect the wearer, but I feel like that was shoehorned in specifically as a way to avoid that issue. It has no limits on use for the first power, which in itself might actually be somewhat game-breaking.

I forget who said it, but having the second power does seem to be just a tad too much. Also, clogs just kind of conjure up ridiculous imagery in my head. Something about cows and windmills and dikes with holes in them. :p

Overall, I think it shows decent writing and obvious attention to contest history, but there's just something missing for me. It might eke into my personal top 32 near the bottom.
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All done! Now for me!
Next up: Chris Shaeffer - Hanging Moss Cloak

[Curaigh]

LOL I just did TWO searches to try and find Hanging Moss Cloak 'cause I was sure I dinnae review that one. Then I searched for shaeffer. THEN it finally clicked! :P

[Chris Shaeffer]

It's a-comin'! Almost done my first draft. :p

[Chris Shaeffer]

Alrighty! Here's my first draft. I wasn't thinking it would be particularly good, but I ended up liking it better than I thought. The price, as always, is completely arbitrary. Please help me with that. :p

Also, the word-count, as always, is really close to the limit, at 299. I just can't stand not using words if there's something I can clarify!!

EDIT: Just realized this might be similar to the quicksand cloak from last year. Reading up on it.

EDIT 2: Eh, different enough.

---

Hanging Moss Cloak
Aura moderate illusion and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot shoulders; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This mantle of supple green moss hangs heavily upon its wearer's shoulders, coiling down to dry, irregular tatters at ankle height.

Once per day as a standard action, the wearer may envelop himself in the cloak indefinitely. Doing so disguises him as a plant-laden tree trunk, boulder, or similar object that blends into natural or ruin-like surroundings. All physical senses indicate that the illusion is real. Appropriate natural sounds, such as softly rustling foliage or creaking branches, take the place of all noise that the wearer makes. This includes speech, but does not affect spells with verbal components. Speak with plants may be used to understand any vocalizations as normal. As long as no creature is touching or specifically observing him, the wearer may take 5-foot steps in plain sight without being noticed. Besides these illusory effects, the disguise functions as invisibility.

The wearer may use the cloak to perform a melee touch attack against a medium or smaller target within reach. On a hit, most of the cloak rips from the wearer’s shoulders and envelops the target, disguising it in the same manner as wearing it would. The moss roots to any nearby surfaces and objects, giving the target the entangled condition and preventing movement for up to one day. An entangled creature can attempt to break free from the moss with a DC 17 Escape Artist or Strength check.

It takes a full day for the cloak’s moss to grow back to full length from the shoulders. It must be worn during this time to regrow, and none of its abilities may be used in the meanwhile.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, entangle, mirage arcana; Cost 10,000 gp

[Chris Shaeffer]

Oh right, there was also this item I made earlier last year. I'd appreciate feedback on that too. You'll, ahem, notice a pattern with my pricing. Seems I used some passive sentences too.

Hmm, in restrospect, the usage limits are convoluted. For some reason, I wanted the usages to be compatible with British tea times. :p

As you read, let your mind be open to the possibilities of different liquids: Soup. Coffee. Booze... Urine. :/

---

Fogsmith's Teakettle
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 20,000; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
A large lid fits snugly on top of this small but solidly cast bronze kettle, and a simple wooden handle protrudes from its side.

Up to five times per day and no more than once every three hours, the user may use fire—or magic with the fire descriptor—to heat a liquid in the kettle as a standard action. After 30 seconds, the kettle will whistle loudly and expel a cloud of warm fog which acts identically to a fog cloud, except that it overwhelmingly exudes the same color, smell, and taste as the boiled substance. The kettle may boil one dose of a substance at a time, which is expended upon creation of the fog. Attempting to combine multiple alchemical, magical, or poisonous substances will result in a cloud producing a horrible stench which otherwise has no effects. The whistle follows the same rules as the audible version of the alarm spell for the purposes of being heard. The fog and whistle last one minute. Neither effect functions underwater.

Creatures who breathe the fog for six rounds are treated as consuming a full dose of the liquid. These rounds may be non-consecutive, but must all occur within one minute. If the liquid is a poison, its method of delivery changes to inhaled. A creature that holds its breath or does not breathe remains unaffected.

If the liquid is a splash weapon, the fog deals that weapon's splash damage every round to susceptible creatures and objects. An alchemist's bombs are incompatible with the kettle.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alchemical allocation, fog cloud; Cost 10,000

[frank gori]

Fogsmith's Teakettle
The Good Name works for me and my inner evil cheese monkey is delighted with the possibilites this opens up.
The Bad This item needs way more errata then you have word count, lets say I drop a bulls strength on this b&%+! its now a mass bulls strength for the duration of the original potion? What happens if someone hits this with a gust of wind or fog cloud?
The Ugly That hard truth is that this wouldn't come out often in combat, which limits it in game use which makes this not a superstar item.
Overall As a blogger and soon to be 3PP I'd publish the crap out of this thing. I'd give you more word count and ask for a little more but the concept is sound execution needs a little more work.

my 2 pennies