Worst... Character... Ever!


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Psion-Psycho wrote:


I was young and not as wise enough back then to hear the words of others when it came to the race and that class. I thought back then "there is no way they would creat a race and class as horable as those." Then it happened both race and class on the same character played by a neckbeared with an obsession of children that bordered on the criminal. WARNING: If any of u come across a person that wants to play KENDER step away slowly to a safe distance of 10ft then run. U will thank me in the morning for saving u 2-6 hours of ur life.

I actually think kender can be played right. The trouble is, nobody who bothers to play them can manage to play them well. And nobody who can manage it bothers.

Grand Lodge

Psion-Psycho wrote:
blackbloodtroll wrote:
I will not play in any game with Kender.
I was young and not as wise enough back then to hear the words of others when it came to the race and that class. I thought back then "there is no way they would creat a race and class as horable as those." Then it happened both race and class on the same character played by a neckbeared with an obsession of children that bordered on the criminal. WARNING: If any of u come across a person that wants to play KENDER step away slowly to a safe distance of 10ft then run. U will thank me in the morning for saving u 2-6 hours of ur life.

You sound like you had a better experience with them.


A druid hippy that believes all life is sacred, to the point of bemoaning the characters for defending themselves when they are assaulted by monsters.


A dwarf who was raised by pixies and acts as such. He keeps his beard shaved, loves the forest (and elves), and encourages then other dwarf characters in the party to do the same. This really only works if you have dwarf party members.

Or an enchantress who is a drama queen. She loves drama so much that she wishes her life was like the lives of the characters in the books she reads. She uses her spells to try to set up love triangles between herself and other members of the group. She over reacts on any slight. She manipulates everyone around her. And she does whatever else a teenage drama queen girl from high school would do. And I'm not just talking about the cliche "drama queen." I mean literally the girls who were in drama/theater classes who intentionally set up drama to make their lives "more interesting" and more like the characters in plays. These are the girls who take the term "drama queen" up to 11.


Well, I made a NPC that was intended to be a jokester, sort of a cross between the 3 Stooges and a Goblin.

However, if you simply want to have an irritating character, then I would suggest my Kender build: Halfling with the Shiftless trait, Rogue class with Filcher archetype, then turn it into a kleptomaniac. If you really want to get evil, give it a Bag of Holding.

If you want a funny character, try a Sorcerer Protean bloodline with the following race:

Trollan race
Flight 40 (perfect)
Light Blindness
Outsider
+4 Cha, +2 Dex, -4 Str, -2 Wis
Greater SR 11+level, but when casting also has to roll against own SR not to botch a spell (roll Rod of Wonder if fail).
Deep magic (2 vs sr and dispel magic checks)


bookrat wrote:
A druid hippy that believes all life is sacred, to the point of bemoaning the characters for defending themselves when they are assaulted by monsters.

How very right wing of you. Actually, no hippie I've ever heard of would do that. They would, however, attempt to negotiate instead of fighting when and where possible, since that's what a pacifist does.


The most straightforward way to be frustratingly useless and ruin everyone's fun is to refuse to be a team player. Insist on doing everything yourself; come up with your own clever plans and strategies and immediately execute them, expecting the other PCs to follow along. Ignore everyone else's suggestions, and never explain your own actions. Never share information with the other PCs--not info about yourself, not info about the current story, nothing.

Oh, and in situations where another character's abilities are better suited to handling it? Pout and sulk and sit in the corner whining because "there's nothing I can do here, I'm screwed and useless."

Remember: If it's not all about you, 100% of the time, it's unfair.


Think Leeroy Jenkins


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Piccolo wrote:
bookrat wrote:
A druid hippy that believes all life is sacred, to the point of bemoaning the characters for defending themselves when they are assaulted by monsters.
How very right wing of you. Actually, no hippie I've ever heard of would do that. They would, however, attempt to negotiate instead of fighting when and where possible, since that's what a pacifist does.

Then it's a good thing we're trying to come up with tropes rather than accurately reflect reality in a fantasy game, isn't it? So go take the politics crap to the off-topic forums and away from the trope design thread.


How about an alternate bard?

Halfling dawnflower dervish bard, he's basically just a b-boy and can constantly be challenging others to break dance fight, threatening to "throw down" and such.

It actually can end up being a fairly effective build, despite the silliness.


The greatest wizard in the world (or so he claims) that is actually a wild mage, using the rules from the old 2nd edition wild magic tables or a variant thereof.

Link goes to a Google search, because there are several variants which you may enjoy.


Ok, let me reiterate a bit. I am not looking for a total sub-par gimp. Douche-baggery, sure... But I don't want to actually endanger the pc's, just get them pissed a little.


8 Charisma Bard that has been cursed to be totally GOTH.

Everytime he attempts to help the PCs he cannot help but turn his song into a Dirge of Doom on the next round, effecting everyone around him.

Edit: As the party feels more and more contempt for this well intentioned bard, he will get more and more depressed... eventually starting to cut himself... or just sulk. He might even turn to drug abuse.... as a real goth rock star should.

Round 1
"I once was in love with a beauty lass,
her heart was tender as a moonlit spring
Down to my knees upon the grass
and in her hand placed a wedding ring"

and round 2 could be all about hookers and how they aren't cheating @#$!s that refuse your hand in marriage and leave you for some muscle bound orc.


O_O

Did the players eat your share of the pizza or something? Or do you just want to make sure that they never, EVER want to have an NPC in the party ever again?


There is also the one up NPC, where he does everything better than the party.


I have always given super helpful NPCs that almost act like cohorts even when they are not being used directly. My players have taken this for granted, and subsequently got their last one killed. This is not revenge for that, and its not a way to punish the inconsistent bard. This is me breaking the mold and getting my players out of their comfort zones where big daddy DM takes great care of his PC children... The odds are in favor of them getting a not so helpful helper this time, and to show them that there are more types of NPCs than those who either adore them or try to kill them... Welcome to the gray!


I have a bad NPC, based off one I saw in Aubrey's Eberron Campaign: A bard who publishes a serial based off of the adventures of the party. A corny serial that takes major liberties. Embarrassing ones.

The cunning half-orc gunslinger is reduced to a an idiot who refers to his weapon as "the magic boom-boom stick".

The halfling alchemist becomes nothing but an endless supply of short jokes.

The taciturn elf monk becomes the romantic lead for the human ranger (regardless of genders--this is Golarion!), and possibly loses any other personality he/she might possess.

Aside from this little issue, the bard can be quite useful, and some of the PCs may even enjoy the attention--until the ranger starts having to deal with obsessed stalkers, and they find that their enemies always know exactly what they've been up to recently.


A couple of things I have seen or use as npcs...

- A big tough fighter with lots of HPs and a really high AC...who when in combat hides behind the caster and use a range weapon or reach weapon.

- A noble...does not matter which class who constantly treat the PC who are not nobles as servants.

- The wizard who always throws area effectsa spells into melee.


There's a Bard archetype that you might like. Advanced Race Guide, the Prankster, page 35.

Grand Lodge

Android Bard/Barbarian.


Byrdology wrote:
I have always given super helpful NPCs that almost act like cohorts even when they are not being used directly. My players have taken this for granted, and subsequently got their last one killed. This is not revenge for that, and its not a way to punish the inconsistent bard. This is me breaking the mold and getting my players out of their comfort zones where big daddy DM takes great care of his PC children... The odds are in favor of them getting a not so helpful helper this time, and to show them that there are more types of NPCs than those who either adore them or try to kill them... Welcome to the gray!

How about letting them interview a few candidates for the position. And their previous companions.

I'd put in at least one mercenary coward with neither excessive greed beyond the contract nor an odious personality because the last thing any game needs is a GMPC douche bag. Better to just say that nobody is willing to fill the position after what happened to the last guy.


Alchenist/Bard that selling perfume and like fashion clothes.


Pathfinder Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Build a character with a bunch of neat abilities that work best when he is within 30 feet of the party, but give him a dexterity of 7. Then, whenever combat starts, have him hide at a distance from the party and attempt to snipe at the enemies with a crossbow.

But why will the party not get rid of this guy as soon as they see how useless he is? If you want this guy to stick around for a while, he needs to be just useful enough for the party to barely tolerate him.


Oooh, another idea.

Gnome Illusionist that smokes Pesh (or does some sort of mind altering drug).

When he trips out, he makes illusions of what he sees.
Perhaps he is also a huge perv, in the japanese sort of way; he creates illusions of female PCs like a pornographer.

He incites panic in towns with his illusions, throws up illusory walls in combat which hinder both sides, and eats quadruple the rations because of his munchies.

That seems like a relatively even annoyance!

Grand Lodge

There actually a number of Pesh user feats.

Basically, they empower your spells by getting high on Pesh.


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Ex-ANTI-PALADIN FTW ... wants to be good, and is trying to absolve himself, but he struggles with swinging his alignment from the downright fun he used to have.

Ogre Bard ... think Vogon Poetry Afficianado (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy) ... uses the party in his poetry possibly announcing weaknesses while casting a demoralizing spell...

Pick whatever character you like and give them a cursed wondrous item, like haunted boots with a self target or Buffon's Sword ... maybe the new NPC comes bearing gifts in the form of belts that are supposed to be Belts of Giant Strength or something or the other, but are actually Girdle(s) of Opposite Gender ...


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David knott 242 wrote:

Build a character with a bunch of neat abilities that work best when he is within 30 feet of the party, but give him a dexterity of 7. Then, whenever combat starts, have him hide at a distance from the party and attempt to snipe at the enemies with a crossbow.

But why will the party not get rid of this guy as soon as they see how useless he is? If you want this guy to stick around for a while, he needs to be just useful enough for the party to barely tolerate him.

That's what the OP has repeatedly stated: he doesn't want a poorly designed NPC, he wants an annoying one.


Ar'ruum wrote:

Ex-ANTI-PALADIN FTW ... wants to be good, and is trying to absolve himself, but he struggles with swinging his alignment from the downright fun he used to have.

Ogre Bard ... think Vogon Poetry Afficianado (Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy) ... uses the party in his poetry possibly announcing weaknesses while casting a demoralizing spell...

+1 to either option.


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If you are willing to change the name a bit, I give you:

Fargi Nicehole, Goblin Prostitute. Actual class is pretty irrelevant, you can even make him/her something really useful, and just crank up the squick factor to whatever level is desired...


Seriously, Ex-Paladin. Will be great.


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An NPC who is seen as a great hero by all the PCs' NPC friends. Possibly including love interests. In reality, the guy's not so great, and he doesn't particularly outshine the PCs in combat. Even the PCs' enemies will see the NPC comrade as the most deadly foe on the battlefield, and might talk a lot about matching wits with him--even if the smartest guy on the team is the PC wizard and the leader of the team is the PC paladin.


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Isn't the Order of the Cockatrice for a Cavalier considered "The Order of the Insufferable Douchebag"?

The "Stealing Glory" ability comes to mind- one of your character's makes a crit, the cavalier makes an opportunity attack before the crit resolves. Already, you may have a kill-stealing punk.

Similarly, the Order of the Cockatrice's beliefs are basically "What can you do for me?" In game terms, this could mean an entire order of fighters whose union rules state "I ain't doin' nothing until you give me [stuff they want]".


Hey! I think my player is reading all these posts while he makes his next character!

How about you guys stop!

As it is he wants to play a half ogre midget barbarian who is a barbeque fanatic and who's life goal is to make the best Dragon Barbeque Ribs.

You guys need to remember some impressionable old geezers(he is 48) might be reading what you type and making life choices based on it!

Lets talk about "Creating Characters a True Group Effort"!


Man! Thanks for all the wonderful ideas! I think the COCKatrice cavalier crit and glory stealer is the way to go! I'm going to play him like Cpt Hammer from "Dr Horribles Sing-a-long Blog". I'll make Him a melee monster who stands in charge lanes and blast templates at the wrong time, and whenever he is reduced to 3/4 HP feigns death and flees combat until the cleric restores him to full. And he will pick fights when the party try's to sneak or diplo their way out of encounters.

Thanks again for all the great suggestions! You have all given me a wealth of ideas for a long time to come!


Pathfinder Maps, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber
Kobold Cleaver wrote:
David knott 242 wrote:

Build a character with a bunch of neat abilities that work best when he is within 30 feet of the party, but give him a dexterity of 7. Then, whenever combat starts, have him hide at a distance from the party and attempt to snipe at the enemies with a crossbow.

But why will the party not get rid of this guy as soon as they see how useless he is? If you want this guy to stick around for a while, he needs to be just useful enough for the party to barely tolerate him.

That's what the OP has repeatedly stated: he doesn't want a poorly designed NPC, he wants an annoying one.

This guy isn't poorly designed -- just poorly played. Note that I did not specify what his "neat abilities" were -- they could very well be something useful if he placed himself somewhere he could actually use them.


Byrdology wrote:

Man! Thanks for all the wonderful ideas! I think the COCKatrice cavalier crit and glory stealer is the way to go! I'm going to play him like Cpt Hammer from "Dr Horribles Sing-a-long Blog". I'll make Him a melee monster who stands in charge lanes and blast templates at the wrong time, and whenever he is reduced to 3/4 HP feigns death and flees combat until the cleric restores him to full. And he will pick fights when the party try's to sneak or diplo their way out of encounters.

Thanks again for all the great suggestions! You have all given me a wealth of ideas for a long time to come!

Find a way to give him DR and maximize that out, and that will simulate Captain Hammer's history of never feeling pain before.


Poorly played is just as bad as poorly designed, though.


jabberwoky wrote:

Isn't the Order of the Cockatrice for a Cavalier considered "The Order of the Insufferable Douchebag"?

The "Stealing Glory" ability comes to mind- one of your character's makes a crit, the cavalier makes an opportunity attack before the crit resolves. Already, you may have a kill-stealing punk.

Similarly, the Order of the Cockatrice's beliefs are basically "What can you do for me?" In game terms, this could mean an entire order of fighters whose union rules state "I ain't doin' nothing until you give me [stuff they want]".

Brb, writing this down. I could see some pompous knight basically saying "Well, thanks for the support, but I killed the dragon, not you guys."

Continueing the conversation for the fun of it.
Party leader: "But the wizard cast slay living on it and it died. You hit it once. With a shortbow. And barely hit it."
Knight: "No one from the village is here as a witness and it's your word against mine, plebeians."


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_Cobalt_ wrote:
jabberwoky wrote:

Isn't the Order of the Cockatrice for a Cavalier considered "The Order of the Insufferable Douchebag"?

The "Stealing Glory" ability comes to mind- one of your character's makes a crit, the cavalier makes an opportunity attack before the crit resolves. Already, you may have a kill-stealing punk.

Similarly, the Order of the Cockatrice's beliefs are basically "What can you do for me?" In game terms, this could mean an entire order of fighters whose union rules state "I ain't doin' nothing until you give me [stuff they want]".

Brb, writing this down. I could see some pompous knight basically saying "Well, thanks for the support, but I killed the dragon, not you guys."

Continueing the conversation for the fun of it.
Party leader: "But the wizard cast slay living on it and it died. You hit it once. With a shortbow. And barely hit it."
Knight: "No one from the village is here as a witness and it's your word against mine, plebeians."

That last line makes it look like the knight knows he is lying and knows he didn't do well in the battle. Perhaps something like, "The wizard! He would have still be cowering in the corner if it weren't for my excellent leadership and guidance telling him to cast Slay Living! And you were so caught up with ducking and running that you didn't even notice my mighty struggle amidst the dragon's fire, sword in hand! Or the perfection of my archery! Yes, this was one fine day for Sir Knight and his henchmen."


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This thread made my day, seriously. XD Love the Cockatrice cavalier idea.

I did an NPC for a game who wasn't intentionally meant to be annoying, but wound up that way because the party totally bit too hard on the drama that came along with her. They went to rescue a village under siege, and one of the generals of the enemy army was a dread necromancer (3.5 class updated to PF) who actually has her own reasons for being there, is secretly out to kill the BBEG, blah blah blah.

Since she has spies embedded in the village, she knows adventurers are coming and does what anyone who wants adventurers to stick around would do: Tells them to leave. She doesn't do anything they can't overcome or aren't capable of, themselves, but stuff like sending a polite (threatening) letter treated with contact poison, etc., to give them reasons to come after the enemy officers out of personal revenge as well as altruism/greed/whatever.

Later, when she's apparently on their side, they have to suspect her because she's already betrayed one previous employer and admitted she feels no remorse for it, and will totally betray them, too, if they turn out to be useless or to interfere with her own plans for stopping the BBEG. They're wary, but they don't dare let her out of their sight, for fear that she turns on them to maintain her cover (since the BBEG thinks the heroes killed her along with the rest and doesn't know she's turned traitor yet).

Because she's a dread necromancer, and they have that crappy 5-foot fear aura and a lot of other thematic but (sometimes) ultimately useless abilities, I played up her image as half-undead, cold, calculating, but ultimately true neutral with lots of "she is beautiful, but like a statue--inhuman" and "the light around you seems to dim and even the sky grows gray as her glowing green eyes lock onto yours," etc. Just fluff, but everyone got way too caught up in it, taking it for more than what it was and interpreting it as GM implication that this was one mean lady not to be messed with (I guess). Even though she was capable of following as well as leading and is actually a pretty solid team player, they stayed terrified of her and hated her because she was so pragmatic and amoral, but nearly always right and effective, and combined with the atmosphere, they developed this assumption of tremendous, dark strength.

Best part? She's 2 levels lower than everyone else. :D

Silver Crusade

Byrdology wrote:

Man! Thanks for all the wonderful ideas! I think the COCKatrice cavalier crit and glory stealer is the way to go! I'm going to play him like Cpt Hammer from "Dr Horribles Sing-a-long Blog". I'll make Him a melee monster who stands in charge lanes and blast templates at the wrong time, and whenever he is reduced to 3/4 HP feigns death and flees combat until the cleric restores him to full. And he will pick fights when the party try's to sneak or diplo their way out of encounters.

Thanks again for all the great suggestions! You have all given me a wealth of ideas for a long time to come!

Will he TWF with a Nodachi and Unarmed Strikes too? Cuz that seems kinda weak too...


I once played a grey elf enchanter. I played him as snooty and since the majority of the group was human or half-elven I refused to speak anything but elven. I was the most competent player there (really this is true) and was very upset that the party decided to keep me out of getting treasure because they did not like me. This was in a 3.0 game.

One fighter in particular could not stand this character. No one wanted to get him out of staying in the barn so I went. The guy got mad and threw horse dung at him. With a well laid suggestion the elf thought it was a good idea that the fighter eat the pile of crap. Guy got so mad that in real life he threw the table over on me and the group ganged up on the character to kill him.


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@ Brad: lol! No, that concept is being reserved for optimal optimized show-stealing bad-assery!

@ Morgan: that is awesome RP in its own right.

@ Shalafi: it's a shame when great RPing affects rl RPers :(


@ Byrd, I ended up making the best revenge character EVER! :)

Scarab Sages

For the record, I'm not certain simply giving them a typical Cockatrice Knight is guaranteed to get you what you want.
My understanding is that the Order of the Cockatrice is one of the more popular Cavalier Orders among players, even if they don't intend to be a$%@~$@s. It's a very effective Order choice, and even though the characters are usually supposed to be obnoxious, their Edicts are phrased so that they don't strictly have to be (i.e., the knight must insist on an at least equal share of booty, doesn't have to be more), and their abilities are actually team-friendly enough. Everyone benefits from the shaken enemies generated by use of the Braggart ability in combat, Moment of Glory is a very cool trick that doesn't take anything from anyone else, and Steal Glory is actually a welcome ability - I'm pretty sure the Cavalier's attack of opportunity does NOT resolve before the other character's critical hit - what it means is, if the target is STILL UP after a critical hit, getting in an extra attack after that is probably something you really want.

That said, it's not a bad idea for what to give them - make the NPC not just talk about how much better he is, let his snobbishness be based in fact. Give him better stats than the PCs, maybe access to certain traits/feats/items/archetypes you wouldn't normally allow PCs to have. Depending on your group, that might actually be the best way to make them not want a GMPC in the future.


@ Byrd: Thanks. :) Wish it had been genuinely planned that way.

@ Closet: Another very simple option, if that's the case, is an ally who provides useful support to the party, but who's totally incapable of taking care of himself. In the same game as the dread necromancer mentioned above, I offered the players their choice of 3 potential helpful NPCs: The necromancer, a suicidally depressed healer, and a weather-control blaster whose literal only concern in life was her share of the treasure.

Each was flawed or useful in a different way: The necromancer was smart, cunning, and had resources and insider information as a previous enemy officer, but her powers were super-focused and thus limited in situational applicability--not to mention the constant risk of betrayal if the PCs didn't meet her expectations as allies.

The blaster (sorceress) likewise had focused powers, although her access to sonic damage made up for that (since most creatures have no resistance to it), and she came with her own airship; but, she was greedy and self-centered, demanding first and lion's share of all spoils in exchange for transporting the PCs on her vessel, and she also was easily distracted and had quite a short temper.

Which brings me to the healer (multiclassed paladin/archivist): He was fantastic at support and came with plenty of buffs, channel energy, lay on hands, etc., but the recent death of his partner had made him that dangerous sort of fearless and self-neglectful where he no longer cared what happened to him. He wouldn't use the withdraw, fight defensively, or total defense options, and only included himself in defensive spells if it was multi-target, AoE, or specifically at a PC's instruction. He healed others till he dropped, but never used any of his powers to heal himself and even had that variant where your lay on hands ability heals other people for more and only half or so when used on yourself. I gave him Endurance and Diehard to make up for it, but he abused the feat by using Diehard to kill himself slowly at negative HP by continuing to heal everyone in the party but himself. He was invaluable for keeping the players alive, but at the expense of destroying himself, so they had to constantly watch him even outside of combat.

That's one of my favorite devices, because it makes the NPC a sympathetic victim sort of character, and thus, the annoyance is put on the players' heads rather than yours (as GM) because they're the ones actively choosing to keep the guy along and protect him from himself. After all, they could always leave him...if the cleric would rather give up his character concept and play a total healbot, etc.


@Closet: You are very correct. By RAW, "Steal Glory" does not resolve before the critical hit, and some characters would welcome it (as it would kill enemies faster). Furthermore, being a character that deals out massive damage and debuffs enemies by bragging about how good he is may be a welcome concept.

But on the other hand, this could turn into a character concept that would make roleplayers hate him until the emotion starts dripping out their ears.

Sure he could be a powerhouse character, but he won't solo against enemies; instead he would attack enemies other characters have already hit. If he goes first, he'll spend the first round grooming his moustache or some other useless activity.

Sure he could make his enemies quake in his boots, but how would the players enjoy it if he did so by sounding like "The Situation" from Jersey Shore (or if female, sound like Ke$ha)? Or did it as a bragging rap by [insert least favorite rap artist here].

There are many ways to make a Cockatrice Cavalier likeable, but Byrd didn't ask for a likeable character- I simply made him a concept for an insufferable Miles Gloriosus character.


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Byrdology wrote:

I have an infrequent player. When she doesn't show, I run an NPC hireling- esque character. The NPC died and I have the opportunity to bring in a new one. What I need is some ideas for a terrible character. Not sub-optimal, just thoroughly trained in the arts of douche- baggery. Please regale me with your worst experiences of players or classes that have caused inter party grief. The characters name shall be Fargin Isole'...

The party consists of a barbarian, cleric, wizard, and infrequent bard.
Let me have it!

I had a character fairly recently who was an effective character and was alot of fun to play. Human Alchemist--> Master Chemyst. I focused on the mutagen and bomb properties of the class (naturally).What made him stand out was a the different personality, goals etc. Jeckyl/Hyde/Banner/Hulk, etc, as his primary personality he ran an apothecary and has absolutely NO idea of how to adventure. He carried half of his shop in a masterwork backpack (small-portable bouey included so it wouldn't sink, and because he could't swim) and he was ALWAYS fascinated by just about everything outside of his shop. He spoke with the proper british accent, kinda timid, the whole bit. When the other side came out, he'd speak in the english ruffian accent, literally toss the backpack at the closest badguy, and run after the biggest one, whether he could take it out or not. The party spent more time healing the good docter than anything. The big guy would usually get knocked out and revert back to the little guy who'd be one massive bruise, with no clue why.


This is based (taking only the slightest of liberties with the history) on multiple experiences I've had with a player I know, most of whose characters are low Charisma fighters--even when, technically, their Charisma is average or higher .

Absolutely cannot or will not refrain from hitting on female PCs, no matter how clear it is made that nothing will EVER happen. Has nicknames for them used exclusively in place of PC names, "Sugar Tush" for the human mage, "Holy Hooters" for the elven cleric, "Sit and Spin" for the gnomish thief. Has no discernible racial preference. Asks the mage to Prestidigitate him clean on a long wilderness trip away from baths. If she ever does, never shuts up about how she washed ALL of him. Never stops asking her to do it again.

Has better than average hit points and AC for his class and level, but doesn't tank the enemy. Instead, fights with a reach weapon and will not move to protect allies if doing so might provoke even a single attack of opportunity, no matter how weak the opponent or how much peril the ally may be in.

Takes no ranks in Diplomacy because it's unnecessary when you've got all this "raw charisma". Insists on using "raw charisma" to interact with NPCs, almost invariably making their response to the entire party worse.

When he does get information from an NPC that the rest of the party is not there to hear, usually keeps it to himself (and often ends up forgetting it totally), even/especially when it is information crucial to the party's future planning.

Actually PROUD of the "skill" displayed in never getting as seriously damaged as other PCs in combat. Incidentally, usually fails will saves vs. fear effects.

Worships an evil god, claiming it is actually good and that no one but him really understands the god's true nature.

I wish I was kidding about how this is a mostly true-to-life description.


Zog, he sounds like a hoot to be around but a pain to DM.

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