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You know, I saw a relatively good argument yesterday that Jesus was, in fact, a lich. Don't have access now, but there's a heartwarming thought, no?
Jesus said, "Lazarus, step forth!" And Lazarus came forth from the tomb. And Jesus clapped him on the shoulder in fellowship, whereupon Lazarus was paralyzed for all time. And Jesus said to the onlookers, "Well, at least he's not dead, anyway..."
Kirth Gersen wrote:Happy Zombie Jesus Day!You know, I saw a relatively good argument yesterday that Jesus was, in fact, a lich. Don't have access now, but there's a heartwarming thought, no?
I saw it too. Sometimes Imgur is good for funny. Went something like this:
"Jesus was not a zombie. He was neither mindless nor consumed people.
He was not a ghoul or a ghast. He did not consume corpses.
He most certainly was not a vampire. While he did once assist in transmuting water to blood, he never drank it, nor did he consume it from a person.
He was also neither a ghost nor a spectre, for he was corporeal and could consume food.
The truth is: Jesus was a lich. Liches are created when a powerful spellcaster or king binds their soul to their physical body to achieve immortality. Liches retain the appearance they had in life, including all prior physical wounds and deformities. They are also in possession of immense supernatual powers, as well as the ability to bring others back from the dead."
Wasn't it Sam Kinison who said something to the effect of, "Jesus is the only guy who's ever come back from the dead and people weren't like, 'My God, kill it, KILL IT!' Instead everyone's like, 'Yay, it's Jesus! Wow, you're a little dusty, aren't ya, Jesus? ... '"
Leave it to a former Evangelical Fundamentalist preacher. Because ... let's face it ... even if you're a believer, that is funny.