Good, bad, ugly critiques


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

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Dedicated Voter Season 6

First off, hats off to you, you crazy reviewing machine. ;) Seriously.

Second off, thanks for taking the time to review my paper messenger. I appreciate it. While I tried to do as much research as possible to make sure I wasn't copying an existing idea (as there was a book of oragami figures in...I want to say the first or second year of RPGSS that made it to the Top 32? But it was definitely different), I wasn't aware of the oragami familiar. Any similarities there can be chalked up to parallel design (and a failing in my personal research before the competition).

Again, thanks a lot! I hope to apply what I've learned this year to a stronger concept next year.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka nate lange

agirlnamedbob wrote:
First off, hats off to you, you crazy reviewing machine. ;) Seriously.

+1

Star Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

107) Brooch of the Dragon’s Hoard

Thanks so much! That's some pretty good food for thought. And yes, the intent was for the brooch to retain it's value even when removed - I had a clarification in the original version, but trimmed it out to save words :/

Liberty's Edge RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka JoelF847

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Reviewing machine is ready again to act!

74) Sepllcycle Medallion
The Good: as a creative spellcaster I can have a frakin field day with these and would LOVE a DM that would let me have'em.
The Bad: I'd likely not be that DM
The Ugly: weight = at least 1lb encumbrance rules matter to me, not a wow effect unless you're creative (I am so I love these)
Overall: Great item but potential GM headache, upper middling for me.

First, thanks, and I wanted to salute you with your cyborg like reviewing dedication.

Thanks for the love. I started with an item simply to address needing to spend a precious standard action to dismiss a spell, since I've seen too many cases where a caster needs to remove a spell they put up as it becomes more of a hinderance for their allies than their enemies. During design I realized the mean things you could do reactivating the spell.

As for the weight, I based it on the weight on the other medallions and amulets in the game, which is '-'. I do see that neckalaces seem to be 1 lb, but this is essentially a charm worn around the neck, not a heavy piece of jewelery.


GM_Solspiral wrote:


65) Flask of Raging Waters
The Good: Cool name, like its a flask, water bending image is clear to me.
The Bad: Its a fancy whip/slam attack item, the fact that its water is meaningless except as fluff.
The Ugly: can I use it to drown someone, nope. Can I target it with a cold spell and freeze it? Not clear This thing would need all sorts of errata.
Overall: 1 simple change from say water to mercury/quicksilver and I lose allot of issues because water is more real world application to me so I want to apply physics to it. Lower middling, make it mercury upper middling, I know I'm weird.

GM_Solspiral.

Thanks!

FWIW - tried to make it so that the flask could be used for any liquid - water, wine, holy water, acid, mercury (if thats your thing) and would add those properties if relevant. Sorry that wasn't clear.

I thought about drowing but drowing takes a really long time in combat terms - and given the word limit and practicality I decided to stay away from it.

I didn't think about the freezing - but that because the water is moving, moving water is tough to freeze - i.e. its 5 degrees at my house and the very sluggish creek outside doesn't freeze that plus the magical nature of the flask and freezing isn't likely. Though a GM could choose to rule differently.

Sorry it wasn't clear enough for you though - I'll remember that for next year.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

Shadow Lodge Marathon Voter Season 6

Thanks for taking up Neil's mantle this year. Super Cool!

GM_Solspiral wrote:

2)Gentleman’s Ensnaring Cane

Good: Name rocks, cool visual description, pricing is fair, and theme is on point and this has that flair I'd expect from a top 32 item.
Bad: 4 targets 100' might be a little much
Ugly: No mention of flying, also ensnared creatures should get escape artist check ect. Might be a little overpowered.
Overall: I actually dig this especially as a villain's item, never saw it would have voted it up had I. Top 32 material for me.

Thanks for taking the time to give this a good read; I think my item really split the voters though. The writing in particular was appreciated by some but too densely crafted for the quick casual read that the voting format can tend to promote [reading so many entries can get pretty monotonous]. Unfortunately the effect was seen as too powerful by some or not powerful enough for the price by others. When you have voters divided on your mechanics as well as (or because of) how you convey them, your item is always going to struggle even though I think the core idea of this item is pretty solid.

I think this was a classic case of being so familiar with the item that I lost sight of how it reads. It forced readers to read it several times to fully grasp what was going on and you can't expect voters to do that.

Best Regards
Herremann the Wise

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Starting page 9...

116) Shirt of the Sprightly Harlequin
Good: Playful name, mechanics are reasoned well and writing is on point.
Bad: I wanted something more Jester from the name, kinda ho hum abilities.
Ugly: While as a voter I appreciate brevity, if it got to the judges they might want more with your word limit. If this is over 150s I'd be surprised.
Overall: I like the item enough for top 100 not much higher than that.

117) Spectral Mirror
Good: Description here is extremely well done, notably well done in fact. Name is good function and mechanic is nice.
Bad: Clairvoyance + Mirror = Cliche
Ugly: With an item this traditionally fragile I'd like to see a Hardness and HP.
Overall: Well done spell in a can but in an obvious design space. Middling since concept is pedestrian despite amazing execution.

118) Hunter's Collar
Good: I love that this is clearly intended for Familiars or animal companions or for rich parties with wardogs. Animal items rock the cazba!
Bad: Interrupting your "description" with quotes "despite" your political correct "intentions" is distracting as "hell." I trust I proved my point be confident enough with your words to skip the quotes or better yet find another description that doesn't offend.
Ugly: 1 of the additional powers would be fine 3 cheapens your design and feels tacked on. Be confident and bold that's superstar.
Overall: Upper middling for me, I like the item allot but its not superstar as is.

119) Cauldron of Undead Spawning
Good: Finally something to do with all those body parts! Seriously, this fills a niche and does so nicely.
Bad: Over the top description- show don't tell cut like most of this: This large, black iron cauldron resembles a human skull with a gaping hole in the top, surrounded by mysterious, well-worn runic carvings in some form of ancient, long dead language. A handful of grave dirt thrown into the cauldron by an evil spellcaster activates it, and a foul, luminous liquid fills the cauldron, roiling, glowing and emanating wisps of vapors that take the forms of the twisted and hideous faces of tortured souls.
Ugly: Name is terrible makes me think of undead trout.
Overall: I want evil items, but they need a little more class then this to be Superstar. Take this same idea but lower the number of hit dice and give me flesh goloms- maybe with a chance or touch of sentience, lose the silly descriptors and you have an awesome item. Lower middling for me.

120) Irrisen Sacrificial Athame
Good: I love athame's I even own several, and the idea behind this is groovy sacrifice some temporary attributes for metamagic on the spot.
Bad: There's a template out there I think for witch where you can have Constitution based casting as an orc- he could handle this too effectively.
Ugly: Not feeling name, might be DQed as this is still technically a weapon.
Overall: Middling to upper middling if not outright DQed for me.

I'll be back...

Star Voter Season 6

GM, I put some comments on your item on page 9 of the critique thread. Thanks for doing all these reviews! :)

Star Voter Season 6

GM, as others have said THANK YOU so much for doing all these reviews! It is VERY much appreciated!

Sovereign Court Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:
zylphryx wrote:

So in the the Bad section, what exactly is the gross out factor to which you are referring?

In the Ugly section, yes, you are correct. If there are both living and undead in the area, the wearer both receives temporary HP (due to the living) and loses HP (due to the undead). I'm not sure what mechanical issues you are referring to? It seemed pretty clear cut to me (but as I wrote it, I am certainly biased). Could you expand on the mechanical issues?

Thanks again for the review. :)

Ok so you take a stone it turns into a leech and attaches to your forehead right? If it doesn't attach like a leech which I am personally skeeved out by (and prolly not alone) then the gross out factor I'm speaking of isn't there but the writing needs more clarity. It was under bad as it was relatively mild compared to others but worth mentioning.

As to mechanical issues. Lets take the example provided and say that I use the leech while both living an undead are around lets say 3 vamps and 3 living flunkies. I get both life and damage but what is resolved first? This could be a problem because if damage resolved first then I could get knocked out then revived. If its resolved at the same time I think that should have an effect outside hit points because being hit with neg and pos energy would in the very least be jarring.

Ah gotcha. Well, the stone is just that; it does not turn into a leech, but the stone does adhere firmly. While a transformation is not even implied in the description, I can see where the name could cross over to give that perception. Still, something to keep in mind for next year.

For the mechanical issue, it would be simultaneous. The effect would be akin to a positive and negative channeler attacking on the same initiative; there is no effect from such a situation other that damage dealt and healed.

Thanks again for the feedback. :)

Marathon Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

80) Clockwork Heart

The Good: Holy crap am I jealous of this concept... this is seriously cool and I LOVE the drawback. I'm drinking all the Kool-Aid here, this my friends is how you do a theme.
The Bad: Want errata, what kind of zombie- specify template please.
The Ugly: Price is way too low for what it does even with drawbacks.
Overall: I can write stories around this item which is superstar in my book top 32 for me.

First off you're an iron man and I love that you're doing this. Thank you so much. I was slightly disheartened honestly and this makes me want to double back and work on my rules savvy for next year!

I always knew that pricing was going to be hard. I spent weeks trying to get the math right.
Thanks again!

Lantern Lodge Dedicated Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I too am amazed by your speed and insights on these. If you get a chance, check the winter's clutch on page 8, just below the dustkicker boots.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2014 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

GM_Solspiral wrote:


88) Flute of Silver Winds
Good: Love magic instruments rare to see a CG aligned spell, interesting effect.
Bad: Kinda ho-hum effect if performer ceases playing or there's no one with CG descriptor spells.
Ugly: Name is poor, price is high for effect payoff.
Overall: Wanted to like more lower middling.

Thank you for the critique, and thank you for putting your mass of critiques under one easy to read forum heading! I'm very much enjoying your good/bad/ugly analysis of all the items!

Balancing the price on this one was tough on account of a character with the right bag of tricks could easily abuse the enhanced magic traits. I guess that's where the biggest design flaw probably is. The name was a nod to the older editions ideas on planar portals having a color specific to each plane. Ultimately, I wanted to utilize a part of the rules that hasn't seen much use yet: the planes and all the infinite wonder they hold.

Star Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

105) Doomstring

Good: My cat would love this item. Clearly written I guess, format on point, sorry but its hard to seriously review this.
The Bad: Its a brightly colored ball of twine that fascinates people into attacking it! Sorry but these are all wherever the cat folk are!
The Ugly: This isn't a joke item? I have no idea WTF you're talking about meme wise but the name is silly without that knowledge. Doom + String = hilarious image of death by silly string.
Overall: If this wasn't DQed it deserved to be culled, if the author is serious about design the author needs to perhaps play test their items first, if their gaming group is laughing at the item re-evaluate design.

Thank you for the frank critique.

I honestly didn't intend it as a joke item, but did want this to be a fun item.

Re: the meme, I saw a lot of "doom" items, and it seemed to be a popular word. This was inadvertent; I would have chosen another name if I had thought that there would be so many doom items.

Re: "The Ugly", you exactly nailed what I was actually going for, which was an otherwise innocent length of twine undoing a foe.

Re: Overall, I did test it and my group didn't laugh, but maybe that was because it was silly but not funny.

Thanks again, and I'll have to try to find mojo without reaching for humor next time.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Missed this on page 8 my bad

121) Winter’s Clutch
Good: Winter + Witch theme = pretty awesome this year this is no exception. I like that the effect has a meta magic 2ndary tied to it and that this is truly a witch item.
Bad: In the very least the user of this item is disrespecting remains making this toward the evil side which will hurt you with voters and in my opinion might hurt you with the judges as well. Know thy audience.
Ugly: I'm not in love with the name, I'd lose the Rhyme spell effect as well.

@bstern you're critique from me was a wee bit harsh, I was a little overtired when I read it and it came off as a total joke item to me. I should have realized this was not the case but I bet you encountered this with voters. I have more cats than I'd care to admit and it didn't help the kitten was doing what your item described right at the moment. Mechanically what you wrote was well considered and sound but the subject is difficult to take seriously... sorry.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

page 9 continued...

122) Weathered Quiver
Good: I like magic quivers that do something other than hold/reload ammo, the spiderkind was a favorite this was not far behind.
Bad: Name is a pun and not really doing much for you.
Ugly: Swap the damage effect which is predictable with a themed effect based on the season and you are in the top 32, do this and change the name and you win this round for me. Yes the public wants extra damage, the judges want something different that makes them go wow.
Overall: Not top 32 but not far off

123) Arc Light of Spectral Reclusion is on deck

Star Voter Season 6

Quote:

58) Gravedigger's Lantern

The Good: Its a Trap! Its in fact allot like the containment units from ghost busters which means I like the item huzzah! Now where did I put Bill Murray's stats.
The Bad: Sunday, Sunday, Sunday see Gravedigger take on Bigfoot in the War memorial. Yeah hate the name, and it makes me think of monster trucks.
The Ugly: Mention breaking the lantern without hardness or HP, also requirements, price and aura all seem really off to me.
Overall: Niche because not often do I run into ghost especially not worth 55k to deal with them. Lower middling for me.

Thanks for the review!

The Good - Yes! That is exactly what inspired this item.

The Bad - I had "Lantern of Souls" and another name that eludes me now. Gravedigger's Lantern isn't great, but I'm glad I changed it as there was another Lantern of Souls...

The Ugly - Yeah, I knew I had forgotten some things like hardness etc. Not to mention that it should have been more concise, it's not a smooth read. As my first effort, I'm happy to hear the few who have reviewed it liked the concept even if the execution was a little off.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

123) Arc Light of Spectral Reclusion
Good: I can see the utility of the item and as a DM I could also see sticking this in as a hazard solution while creating a creepy as hell effect.
Bad: Story item = not Superstar item
Ugly: Mention will save without DC, SIAC but not an irritating one, light spell in a lantern doesn't seem very out of box for me.
Overall: Likable but boring, not going to beat out the pig pendants and the swarm slurpers but definitely going to beat out good idea terrible execution type items. Middling for me.

124) Deathwalker's Maiden
Good: Ok I can see the utility of the item and its actually quite powerful without being over the top with effects.
Bad: I don't typically vote for items that visually disturb me, I read past the first paragraph in my review, I did not give you this consideration during voting.
Ugly: As disturbed as this is out of game lets think about the person that uses this regularly in game. They will themselves past the disturbing fear of use and to outsiders looking in are going to impale their face (even though there is no harm) then they become immune to pain and any number of other sensations as undead, and non corporeal which allows for all sorts of hijinks. Any character using this regularly is in the very least a social outcasts, more likely they are already or swiftly will become mentally unhinged.
Overall: I could write a book as to why object to this item, I wasn't alone in all likelihood. Do you have design potential, yes: are you designing for your intended audience, no. For me this is well written enough to survive the cull but I still want to downvote it, and did more than once.

((1st time I had to rewrite a review, for some reason this item doesn't bring out the best in me. Toned it down and shortened it- this is not my most objective work sorry. That being said the fact that I feel so strongly about your item even if they are negative feelings means that you're writing is good enough to effect me.))

125) Amulet of the Selfless
Good: carefully considered balance in your design, designed for a problem this solves that problem.
Bad: The niche this addresses doesn't come up much in my experience. usually when one hero falls whatever felled that hero has more targets and moves away to those targets or if its a d**k Dm the monster/villain coup-de-graces the fallen.
Ugly: There was a mess of healing items this year once voting fatigue sets in this is easy to downvvote.
Overall: Not a superstar item, has utility, design space was crowded this year just lower end of middling for me.

126) Monkey’s Paw
Good: Fun idea and design space, I usually hate tacked on powers at the end but the diplomacy bonus for primitive cultures was intriguing to me.
Bad: OK its a skill bonus SAK and skill bonuses aren't showing design skill.
Ugly: Google Monkey's Paw you'll find its already a cursed artifactthat is a severed monkey paw that grants twisted and accursed wishes. With each use a finger curls inward. NExt major issue is the semi cursed side effect was tacked on and completely unnecessary.
Overall: I would DQ you on the name alone which has a copywrite issue as a published version was in World of Darkness, barring that lower middling to cullable.

127) Bones of Ill Fortune
Good: First power is solid and third power add on is a really nice bonus, mechanically sound.
Bad: Straight up remove second power, its annoying for DMs and it makes this a SAK for sure.
Ugly: SIAC + body parts + Name sound like cursed item = losing lots of pairings in the contest.
Overall: No bad nothing to wow me, lower middling to cullable for me.

128) Constable’s Garish Vestments
Good: Ok I see the utility of drawing attacks to certain characters and there's a level of whimsy here without crossing over into joke item.
Bad: Name is absolutely terrible, lose the entire first sentence as well.
Ugly: While I get the utility this is a border line cursed item, the come attack me costs an immediate action which keeps it from that but if misread you lose votes in a public voting space you design painted yourself into a corner.
Overall: See above, lower middling for me

129)Necklace of Otherwordly Transmutation
Good: Balanced mechanics, neat concept of adding a bit to a shapeshift based on alignment.
Bad: Issue 1 name is clunky doesn't make me an outsider which it maybe would be better if it did celestial or fiendish template would be better here.
Ugly: The price is beyond ridiculous, I can buy permanent magical effects cast on me and have money left over at that price. I can equip myself with primo gear for the price f 1 item.
Overall: Price + niche item = not quite a cull item but just outside the zone for me.

130) Fogsmith's Teakettle
Good: Playful design space, I can come up with allot of creative uses I think for this some of which would be purely theatrical and I can see a bard really getting some fun uses in particular.
Bad: Complicated enough mechanics I can see why you didn't run 300 word isn't enough. This is an errata heavy item.
Ugly: 1 round = 6 seconds last I checked so this isn't going off until like round 5 or 6 by then most fights are over.
Overall: Have no regrets, this would not have made the top 32 its a good item, and my creative mind wants to play with it but I see my own flaws in it. Its overly complex, and while there are creative uses for the item, its not the item alone that makes this function and be interested you need a creative player. Would have been middling for me.

((greedy, you got 2 reviews out of me!))

131) Pixie-Power Vest
Good: I remember this item and really liked it allot, lets me be a pixie when I want which is a superstar concept.
Bad: Name is a stinker, its the power vest part...
Ugly: Its allot of powers (SAK) and I do not like the reduce on donning and stay reduced as long as worn. That's an invitation for abuse.
Overall: Idea = Awesome, Execution = pedestrian, overall upper middling to top 100 territory for me.

132) Mother Luna’s Forgiveness
Good: I support the idea of making lycanthropes playable and that was the intent I think here. The idea was execute with careful consideration which I respect and the name is on point for me.
Bad: too niche to win you many votes.
Ugly: What would make this superstar is playing a werewolf, not a werewolf with the amulet charm from the 90's movie Wolf.
Overall: Lower middling for me.

133) Lantern of Souls
Good: Lets that awesome PC/NPC live on for a little while longer and speak. As a story item this is fantastic and totally one I will steal!
Bad: Name while descriptive is a little cheesy,item gives discount on true res which makes it a cost effective steal when you have a murderous GM.
Ugly: This is one of those items players will play with looking for ways to abuse. It would need tons of errata on the srd page, not your fault just the nature of items like this. Example since everyone asks: I'm captin evil a 7th level character with tons of charisma and I took leadership, my cohort was an awesome sage has an accident so I put him in the lantern and get a new one that does something else useful but still have my sage in your lantern when I need him.
Overall: Top 50 for me and yes I will steal this despite the potential for abuse.

End Page 9

Page 10

134) Wheel Caps of the Geist March
Good: Love the design space as vehicles rarely get addressed and for me many characters have or use wagons and carts. Effects are well considered and balanced.
Bad: The name takes something away fro the entry for me.
Ugly: Fog cloud not exciting, but functional, fear effect is cool though.
Overall: Upper middling for me.

THAT'S EVERY ITEM POSTED SO FAR!

If I missed anyone point it out to me. This thread will likely continue for some time as more items get posted and in all likely hood we'll get almost rans and archetypes up (I know I want to post mine!)

Thank you for the folks that posted reviews of my item, I might try running a revised version on this thread for critique at some point.

Dedicated Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

134) Wheel Caps of the Geist March

Good: Love the design space as vehicles rarely get addressed and for me many characters have or use wagons and carts. Effects are well considered and balanced.
Bad: The name takes something away fro the entry for me.
Ugly: Fog cloud not exciting, but functional, fear effect is cool though.
Overall: Upper middling for me.

Thank you for the review and yeah I struggled for a good name.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Thanks for the critique. Glad you liked my Tesseract Dust.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

goldomark wrote:

Yeah, that first sentence was hard. I had to present the item and a bit of what it, while hooking the readers. It turned out not so great. I guess the name alone wasn't enough. So should it had been split up? If so, how? The advice would be welcome as English is not my native tongue (French is).

For the price, I new it was low, but for what it did (and it did it on a very special trigger), it seemed ok. Plus I followed the price guide to the letter. I'm not sure how I would have marked up the price.

Took me awhile to get to this but I wanted to get my reviews done before revisiting this and anyone looking for an editor's touch PM me with interest I may start another thread of item before and after edits to see if we can take these items to a better place.

Disclaimer, doing this because you sorta asked so lets see how it goes. No offense intended.

goldomark" wrote:


Elixir of Last Will
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3th
Slot none; Price 150 gp; Weight –
Description
The next time the character who drank this grey liquid falls below 0 hit points and is still alive, he automatically stabilizes and stops losing hit points, unless he takes further damage. Whether the drinker stabilized or died, he also exhales an insubstantial sliver of his consciousness that can exercise a small influence on the world around him. In the round that comes after the one the drinker fell below 0 hit points, as an immediate action, the sliver of consciousness can decide to guide the action of one ally who is within 30 feet of the drinker’s body. This guidance gives either a +2 luck bonus to the next attack roll the ally makes, a +2 luck bonus to AC on the next attack made against that ally or a +2 luck bonus to the next skill check the ally makes. The action affected must be performed before the end of the round; if not, the bonus is lost and no other can be bestowed. The drinker decides which bonus will be granted and to which ally. No bonus can be given if the drinker regains consciousness or comes back to life before the action is performed.
The magic of the elixir of last will is potent until the drinker falls below 0 hit points or 24 hours have passed since it was ingested, whichever comes first. If 24 hours pass without the character falling below 0 hit points, the magic dissipates harmlessly. When multiple elixirs of last will are drunk, only the last one ingested is effective.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, guidance, stabilize; Cost 75 gp

I came up with this item when I read from previous years that Clark liked items that broke the rules. I thought what better rule to break than letting a player act a bit when dead or unconscious. This just lets a player use the aid another action when he is down, for the first round he is down. Simple and fun for the person who went down. I would reduce the duration to 1 hour after the elixir is drank. 24 hours is too long now and too useful. Originally I wanted the drinker to exhale a ghost like version of himself, but felt it was too cheesy. Now I wonder if it wouldn’t have made it more cinematic.

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Elixir of Ferocious Will
Aura faint necromancy; CL 3th
Slot none; Price 800 gp; Weight
Description:
While containers vary the Elixir of Ferocious Will always has the color and flavor of grave dirt. Imbibing the liquid imbues the drinker with the following abilities:
-Imbiber has Orc Ferocity for 24hrs.
-If Imbiber falls unconscious she automatically stabilizes per stability spell.
-If Imbiber dies as a free action the Imbiber may name an ally within 30', once named a silver vapor escapes the mouth of the imbiber and travels rapidly to the named.
-For 5 rounds or the end of combat the ally named by the Imbiber that has died gains a +2 luck bonus to all savings throws and attack rolls. The silver vapor settles around the named like an aura during this time, which grants concealment against creature that slayed imbiber.
Additional doses of the Elixir beyond the first imbibed have no effect.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, guidance, stabilize, obscuring mist orc blood as a materiel component; Cost 400gp

Word Count is under 200. This version is slightly more powerful than original but also more concisely written. Kept integrity of core idea and mechanics, but added orc ferocity as way for character to save self, and concealment to justify defensive bonus. Likely still not a superstar item but closer I think.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

GM_Solspiral wrote:
I would DQ [the Monkey's Paw] on the name alone which has a copywrite issue as a published version was in World of Darkness...

The Monkey's Paw is in the public domain in the United States.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Eric Morton wrote:
GM_Solspiral wrote:
I would DQ [the Monkey's Paw] on the name alone which has a copywrite issue as a published version was in World of Darkness...
The Monkey's Paw is in the public domain in the United States.

Good point, still would advise against name, its like naming a magic hammer excaliber!

Liberty's Edge Marathon Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Starting page 9...

116) Shirt of the Sprightly Harlequin
Good: Playful name, mechanics are reasoned well and writing is on point.
Bad: I wanted something more Jester from the name, kinda ho hum abilities.
Ugly: While as a voter I appreciate brevity, if it got to the judges they might want more with your word limit. If this is over 150s I'd be surprised.
Overall: I like the item enough for top 100 not much higher than that.

Fair enough! Honestly, I started with the mechanics on this one (I play a Bard in Society games and I almost never use Bardic Performance because it's usually not worth the standard action to start) and the theme wasn't a great fit. I felt like the effect was in line with the kinds of things chest slot items typically do, and jester's motley was the first thing I thought of in terms of distinctive performer clothing.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

-snip-

131) Pixie-Power Vest
Good: I remember this item and really liked it allot, lets me be a pixie when I want which is a superstar concept.
Bad: Name is a stinker, its the power vest part...
Ugly: Its allot of powers (SAK) and I do not like the reduce on donning and stay reduced as long as worn. That's an invitation for abuse.
Overall: Idea = Awesome, Execution = pedestrian, overall upper middling to top 100 territory for me.

-snip-

I'm glad the item left an impression. After doing a lot of voting and seeing the winners of the contest, your ranking is pretty much aligned with my personal ranking of my item.

I was half worried I didn't survive the cull since I didn't see my own item once.

In hindsight I realize I took the safe approach with duplicating spell effects when I should have swung for the fences and done something spells didn't cover to execute my idea. I didn't realize how much of a problem the name was until I saw all the awesome names everyone else had.

Thank you very much for the review, it really did help.

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Gio

GM_Solspiral wrote:


103) Summoning Siphon
Good: The idea of storing some summons up for later is fun and useful.
Bad: how many vials to I get with the item as there are clearly more than 1 and only 1 creature per vial?
Ugly: If I only get one its a fairly expensive...
Overall: Not bad, not Superstar in concept middling for me.

Thanks a lot for the review!

I will take it into consideration, and attempt to improve my pricing and mojo skills for the years to come ^^.

Silver Crusade Star Voter Season 6

GM Solspiral wrote:

127) Bones of Ill Fortune

Good: First power is solid and third power add on is a really nice bonus, mechanically sound.
Bad: Straight up remove second power, its annoying for DMs and it makes this a SAK for sure.
Ugly: SIAC + body parts + Name sound like cursed item = losing lots of pairings in the contest.
Overall: No bad nothing to wow me, lower middling to cullable for me.

Thank you for the feedback! A lot of people seem to be finding that second power out of place. It makes me wonder how much better off I would have been had I simply eliminated that portion.

Marathon Voter Season 6

Eric Morton wrote:
GM_Solspiral wrote:
I would DQ [the Monkey's Paw] on the name alone which has a copywrite issue as a published version was in World of Darkness...
The Monkey's Paw is in the public domain in the United States.

That's actually the problem I had with that item is I was expecting something relating the short story and got something that was... well about monkeys.

It definitely buggered up my expectations.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:


32) Immediate Chant
The Good: Name, mechanics, and requirements all make sense- you get the structure and bones of design.
The Bad: Ok let me recast first spell I cast near it that day fourth level or under, that it?
The Ugly: This is a reskinned pearl of power unless I missed something cool?
Overall: I'm being harsh a little, execution very solid, idea not superstar lower middling for me.

Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it! I'm glad you liked the name and found the mechanics solid. It is similar to a pearl of power but it holds any spell for a set time, not just one the user can access.

It also can be used to scribe a scroll as a standard action, again holding it for a set time.

Not a harsh review at all, IMO. Very helpful, thanks again!

Star Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

124) Deathwalker's Maiden

...

((1st time I had to rewrite a review, for some reason this item doesn't bring out the best in me. Toned it down and shortened it- this is not my most objective work sorry. That being said the fact that I feel so strongly about your item even if they are negative feelings means that you're writing is good enough to effect me.))

Thank you! This totally made my day, no joke. In hindsight I did completely miss the RPGSS mark, but am oddly happy there was enough there to elicit such a passionate response. (Wish I could read the original!)

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 9

GM, your reviews are inspiring. Thanks for your feedback on my item. :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

IT issues at work with phonelines, review machine rebooting...

Page 10 continued...

135) Chiaroscuro Astrarium
Good: I see Dark Tapestry which makes me smile and cringe in terror at the same time for fear of seeing what cannot be unseen! The effects of this seem fairly cool and balanced.
Bad: There's some techno-babble here that makes me feel as though my geek cred is inferior as I have no idea what you're talking about. Your obviously really smart, remember your target audience might be at a reading comprehension level of say the 11-14yrd old range, I'm college educated and I'm asking you to dumb it down a bit.
Ugly: This item seems to damage allies as well as enemies this will also hurt you're voting numbers.
Overall: ME NO LIKE ITEM, MAKE FEEL DUMB! Sorry me inner barbarian (Mogg Green-tooth) came out for a sec there, ahem lower middling for me.

136) Firebrand of Grandeur
Good: Like the less than predictable effect of fire based item = emotional effect.
Bad: Starts to become a SAK as you add more powers
Ugly: 7,500gp for a multitargeted -8? Even with the save its a well underpriced item for me.
Overall: Lower middling for me wait Mog wants to comment "MOGG WANT TO USE TO HIT PEOPLE WHERE STATS FOR THAT"

137) Corpse Coffer
Good: As a story item I love the idea of protecting dead remains, its something people would want if necromancers were real. I appreciate this.
Bad: This is a niche that comes up at the end of the adventure, at least for 1 character.
Ugly: Your audience is judging your item as it pertains to their use, this isn't going to get allot of votes based on that. First paragraph cut 1st and 3rd sentences, you don't need them they distract.
Overall: Concept isn't superstar, lower middling to cullable for me.

138) Spirit Glass
Good: I like the ability to imbue a weapon ability with a wonderous item.
Bad: Ghost touch/ Ghost busting seems to be an overdesigned space this year so you'll lose votes because of what gamblers would call splitting the field.
Ugly: A mirror seems like the wrong item. I get it has a spiritualist connection but something in the mechanic of imbuing people with ghost touch via reflection sits poorly with me.
Overall: Just ok for me. Lower Middling.

139) Gnomish Humming Spanner
Good: Your in 2 design spaces I like magic tools and gnomes.
Bad: Feels more Dragonlance Gnome than Pathfinder Gnome
Ugly: Don't get a mental image form description which means description needs a little work on clarity.
Overall: I like this item, I'm a crafter, this is not superstar just a nice utiility item, Middling for me but I may steal an altered version.

140) Record of the Fallen
Good: Finally an item for a seriel killer! Sorry, good utility and effects are clearly written and properly designed. Author shows potential in my book record of the author's that show potential!
Bad: The dead and their parts suffered a bit from the voters this year, still you made top 89 so I'll shut up.
Ugly: You tacked on powers and in my opinion the knowledge of 100 people (and their parts if I'm a necromancer) portable for 7,500? This is ripe for allot of abuses and I can see the judges passing on that fairly easily.
Overall: Great design, Bad bad pricing. Upper middling to top 75 for me but I'd change the price tag by allot before considering using this in my game. Would introduce as a key item for a villian though, Vodraki in KM might have this with his gorget of living wispers.

141) Mantle of Terror
Good: I like the idea of powering up based on intimidating an opponent, core idea has superstar potential.
Bad: 2 conditions that are somewhat hard to meet kill this items utility.
Ugly: If I built a character around this item he can be OP, prolly a barbarian with the Rage power that gives a 30' intimidate check when you drop someone.
Overall: Idea isn't an issue execution is, lower middling for me. Practice and train yourself in design, creativity can't be taught execution/ mechanics can be.

142) Gloves of the Eldritch Duelist
Good: Name is awesome, if reader familiarizes themselves with the hazzard they can appreciate the design is sound, but...
Bad: Never make me look it up, if you must provide me a link.
Ugly: You already know this is niche, I don't want to counter the bad guy's spells I want to avoid their effects and hit them with my spells.
OVerall: Lower Middling for me.

143) Redeemer’s Sash
Good: Teamwork friendly item helps the meat shield do what the meat shield is there to do.
Bad: Description has me thinking of a beauty contestant sash.
Ugly: An item that lets me take damage, or an item that lets me do something else, who do I vote for hmmmm.
Overall: Lower middling for me.

144) Pacifier Manacles
Good: Great design, cool name, mechanics are well balanced and reasoned.
Bad: Captives? MOGG STAB IN FACE, LET GOD SORT OUT! Sorry, he's coming out allot today, these are not for the beer and pretzle crowd.
Ugly: insert 50 shades od grey joke here.
Overall: Upper middling for me but not a superstar item I'm afraid too niche.

145) Spectral Saddle
Good: Here's the saddle I liked! Yours in effect bipasses obsticles just like the saddle in the top 32, yours does it in a way I like better IMHO.
Bad: Color draining property is cute description but not needed.
Ugly: Difference between yours and top 32 is yours is SIAC his is not. I like the mechanics of going etherial to bipass things and his caught the utility of charging which yours doesn't and should.
Overall: Take his and yours and have a baby and you might win my favorite item, but as is this is top 100 for me, superstar idea missing that 1 mechanic that makes it transend.

146) Hand of Eternal Remorse
Good: Gloves delivering a contact poison has a sinister vibe I like. Written well, poison making center of fireball has a niffty factor.
Bad: Plays poorly with others, onset time is 10 rounds not a combat item.
Ugly: Mechanics at end while well considered make this seem more niche than it is, clear villain items don't get votes from people wanting to play heros.
Overall: Middling for me.

End PAge 10 items.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

ME SMASH ENT AND JACK THREAD

ME WANT MORE SUPER STAR ITEMS TO SMASH

POST ON CRITIQUE ITEM THREAD!!!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Anyone see a crazed Barbarian? My head hurts...

Page 11 items...

147) Battle Standard of Perilous Defiance
Good: My inner barbarian loves this item, its a battle standard that give me something other than a morale bonus! MOGG APPROVES.
Bad: Want to nerf that Globe of invulnerability to maye 1/week, feels tacked on.
Ugly: Pet Peeve kill first line, let the standard look like the GM and players want it to look. Individual tastes varry and this is hardly a critical detail to your items function.
OVerall: I started likeing this and stayed liking this upper middling. Not a superstar item but I think battle standards are troublesome to make superstar, as they are almost always buff items.

Anyone else?

Have I defeated the beast of 520 posts?

ME NO THINK SO ME THINK FISHMAN RIGHT

ITS A TRAP!


GM_Solspiral wrote:

Anyone see a crazed Barbarian? My head hurts...

Ugly: Pet Peeve kill first line, let the standard look like the GM and players want it to look. Individual tastes varry and this is hardly a critical detail to your items function.

You should get a tag of "Marathon Critic" to be added to your "Marathon Voter" tag.

I agree that it's a balance to keep an item descriptively interesting but not descriptively constraining. In retrospect, I wish I had leaned slightly less flashy in my verbiage as you suggest.

Thanks for the feedback!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

148) Mending Needle
Good: Name says what ti does, mechanics seem balanced and this fixes another magic item which is cool.
Bad: Utility items aren't Superstar items...
Ugly: Finally an item that'll fix that evil lesser artifact they destroyed. While you mention not allowing items to be repaired that specify wish or miricle to restore you set not GP value limit which means if the artifact doesn't specify it cannot be mended it can be. Most AP artifacts make no mention of this mechanic.
Overall: Great utility, well written, upper middling for me.

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32, RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Hodge Podge

GM_Solspiral wrote:

130) Fogsmith's Teakettle

Good: Playful design space, I can come up with allot of creative uses I think for this some of which would be purely theatrical and I can see a bard really getting some fun uses in particular.

I'm glad you think so!... Why the bard in particular? o.O

Unless you mean "theatrical" in its literal sense, which I totally get.

GM_Solspiral wrote:
Bad: Complicated enough mechanics I can see why you didn't run 300 word isn't enough. This is an errata heavy item.

Yeah, "any liquid" is a pretty huge range, but I know that people would rankle at the idea of "any liquid... except for mutagens and elixers". And then there are things that are "kind-of liquids", or things that you could make into a liquid somehow. It's a really open ended item, so it lends itself to overly creative players, and might be a nice source of GM headaches. (My main hope is that someone uses it to make a "holy water" fog. Take that, undead things!)

GM_Solspiral wrote:
Ugly: 1 round = 6 seconds last I checked so this isn't going off until like round 5 or 6 by then most fights are over.

Yeah, and then you have to wait at least 6 rounds to get any effect from being in the fog. It would be a much better ambush device, or non-combat device (which is kind of lame). I guess I could slash the waiting times a little though, just to increase its usefulness. How about two rounds instead of 30 seconds? Gives you enough time to get out of the way if the fog is a nasty one.

I would lean towards keeping the breathing effects in at 6 rounds though. If you put something really powerful in there like an extract with dragon's breath, things might go pretty quickly if your entire Five Man Band is in there. Then again, what if you can't see where your enemies are since you're in the fog? What if they sneaked inside the fog and were ready to use it on you too? Hoboy. :)

GM_Solspiral wrote:
Overall: Have no regrets, this would not have made the top 32 its a good item, and my creative mind wants to play with it but I see my own flaws in it. Its overly complex, and while there are creative uses for the item, its not the item alone that makes this function and be interested you need a creative player. Would have been middling for me.

Nope! No regrets. This one is fun, but the gloves actually fit a design space, "moving cloud effects around", which hadn't been worked in before.

GM_Solspiral wrote:
((greedy, you got 2 reviews out of me!))

Heh, thank you for your generosity! I wonder how many of mine you'd critique if I just kept posting them. :3

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

GM_Solspiral wrote:

IT issues at work with phonelines, review machine rebooting...

136) Firebrand of Grandeur
Good: Like the less than predictable effect of fire based item = emotional effect.
Bad: Starts to become a SAK as you add more powers
Ugly: 7,500gp for a multitargeted -8? Even with the save its a well underpriced item for me.
Overall: Lower middling for me wait Mog wants to comment "MOGG WANT TO USE TO HIT PEOPLE WHERE STATS FOR THAT"

Thank you GM_Solspiral for the review.

Re: "Good" -- I was hoping that would make my item interesting... didn't seem to appeal enough :-(

Re: "Bad" -- It was a serious concern for me as I went along -- I tried to crop it in but I wanted to make an item that went for that sort of mesmerizing effect and I was trying to consider things like "well what would happen if X" and then it got that long...

Re: "Ugly" -- I intended the DCs to be low so that this more crowd control for low CR creatures (not heavy hitters), but a high price would mean it wouldn't be available to players till it would be useless, so I was trying to price it at just about the maximum price for "minor wondrous items" rather than say "medium"

Re: "Overall" -- I said it was an everburing torch, to get around writing in rules about it being a torch, light, etc. As a torch, Mog should already know "If a torch is used in combat, treat it as a one-handed improvised weapon that deals bludgeoning damage equal to that of a gauntlet of its size, plus 1 point of fire damage."

Thank you again ;-)

Scarab Sages Marathon Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

GM_Solspiral wrote:

Starting page 9...

120) Irrisen Sacrificial Athame
Good: I love athame's I even own several, and the idea behind this is groovy sacrifice some temporary attributes for metamagic on the spot.
Bad: There's a template out there I think for witch where you can have Constitution based casting as an orc- he could handle this too effectively.
Ugly: Not feeling name, might be DQed as this is still technically a weapon.
Overall: Middling to upper middling if not outright DQed for me.

Thanks for the critique.

Didn't know about the Con Based Orc, but keep in mind, dropping that con, then drops the DC of spells.

There was precedent for an athame as a wondrous item already published, so not a DQ. I thought about naming it the Hoarfrost Athame, and having it made of solidified ice, the scarring leaving a frostbitten scar. Lessons learned.

Star Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral said wrote:


133) Lantern of Souls
Good: Lets that awesome PC/NPC live on for a little while longer and speak. As a story item this is fantastic and totally one I will steal!
Bad: Name while descriptive is a little cheesy,item gives discount on true res which makes it a cost effective steal when you have a murderous GM.
Ugly: This is one of those items players will play with looking for ways to abuse. It would need tons of errata on the srd page, not your fault just the nature of items like this. Example since everyone asks: I'm captain evil a 7th level character with tons of charisma and I took leadership, my cohort was an awesome sage has an accident so I put him in the lantern and get a new one that does something else useful but still have my sage in your lantern when I need him.
Overall: Top 50 for me and yes I will steal this despite the potential for abuse.

Thank you so much! Your critique falls in line a lot with my own, the name especially. /Blah/! It was supposed to be "Lantern of the Wayward Mentor" but after days of staring at it on the window I forgot to change it.

I also completely agree with the errata. I was concerned about that, but had to keep it under 300 word count. Just tried to make it as concise as I could. I love your example, but the villain in me sees murdering a cohort to shove them into a bag to be a hilariously in-theme act for an evil character. I love it.

Thank you again! In the future I will try to hone my design to be able to fit within the word-count better without having to lose out on possible errata as a result. And if I cannot do both, then I should come up with something else that can more concisely be contained within the set guidelines.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka Cyrad

Quote:

40) Mantle of a Thousand Hands

The Good: Dam cool visual which is why it is an alternate. Good writing and design overall, I like it better than some of the top 32.
The Bad: Price is a little low, you are right to be concerned, this can break action economy with the right character build.
The Ugly: Needs some clarifications or errata, can I have it hold a wand and activate said wand? can I say cast grease to disarm a foe then have the hands swipe up the weapon for me?
Overall: Upper middling to lower tops for me but hey congrats on being an alternate...

You're quite right. I should have spent more on describing what you can do with the hands. Instead, I gave it wordy Sleight of Hand bonuses, which just muddied the overall impact.

If given a chance to redesign this, I would devote more to backing up the visual with rules of how to use the hands, probably using other abilities that grant extra limbs as guide lines (like vestigial arm). And, of course, increase the price.

Your critique is nicely detailed and highly insightful. Thank you!

Dedicated Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:

117) Spectral Mirror

Good: Description here is extremely well done, notably well done in fact. Name is good function and mechanic is nice.
Bad: Clairvoyance + Mirror = Cliche
Ugly: With an item this traditionally fragile I'd like to see a Hardness and HP.
Overall: Well done spell in a can but in an obvious design space. Middling since concept is pedestrian despite amazing execution.

Thank you very much for taking the time to review my item. I actually find your words quite flattering, so thank you again :)

Edit; I was actually my intent to do something I found obvious, something simple but doing it to the best of my ability, I had grander designs linking the mirror to the shadow plane but that would have made it a confusing plot item and shoot me way over the word count.

The Hardness and HP got cut as I figured that it would be too much like I would be spoon feeding the existing rules to people instead of trying to find innovative ways of bending them.

Fun times! Glad to take part in this awesome contest on the off-chance that I was an undiscovered genius (still hoping though;P) off to the sidelines to watch and learn from the process!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

149) Reel of the River King
Good: There's some fun mechanics here, entry is very well written and flavor is ok.
Bad: Riverlands theme was round 2 not 1, flavor is beaten out by similar item as you know.
Ugly: Name makes me expect a fishing rod, Who is going to grapple all 4 hooks? I suppose you could wait on the grapple but there's something off in there.
Overall: Upper middling for me. No shame in getting beat by better version of concept.

End page 11, Begin page 12

150) Monastic Sheathe
Good: great name, cool visuals and concept, and best of all you're giving the monk more options and love which is a design space that needs help.
Bad: Anyone unfamiliar with rules described are not going to look them up without a link.
Ugly: while I appreciate a class specific item, its a tough one to get to be regarded as a superstar item.
Overall: Upper middling to top 100 for me, I like this item allot.

151)Erastil’s Footprints
Good: Love the flavor of these, name is fantastic, mechanics are on point especially the drawback.
Bad: surge of growth needs to be defined better, seems like this might have been another entangle footwear item but this could have been the coolest with a little more mechanical polish.
Ugly: I feel like these can use a Woodland stride mechanic based on what they already do.
Overall: upper middling, needs very little in way of change to become top 32 materiel.

152) Immaculate Raiment
Good: Lots of functional utility here, well written and mechanically on point.
Bad: You're not going to get top 32 off of self cleaning clothing, this isn't a superstar concept.
Ugly: The errata here is going to be quarrelsome. These potentially can be argues as a defense against Grease, Tar ball, and the recurring damage of acid arrow.
Overall: Middling to upper middling for me.

153) Chess Knight Pendant
Good: I actually had this one in my top 32, I gave this item a shout out in my toasting thread as well. I loved the theme and thought the teleportation in a L move similar to the chess knight was brilliant.
Bad: Last part with the 10% burnout mechanic is uneeded and kind of a letdown.
Ugly: This is going to be awkward on hex boards methinks. I could be wrong.
Overall: like I said this was a favorite of mine and made my top 32. I could see why it fell short, a teleport no mater how fancy isn't a wow effect.

Star Voter Season 6

@GM_Solspiral:

I appreciate the comments. (amazed to have made somebody's top 32 as well!)

The problem with hex boards genuinely never occurred to me. Regarding the 10% burnout- I was worried that allowing a tactical teleport as a free action might be overly powerful, and hoped to make it a choice with a tradeoff. Sounds like in your judgment that was unnecessary, though- and in retrospect, it would only be once a day.

Thanks for taking the time to comment.

The Exchange Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9

Pathfinder Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Thanks GM sol. Re: review of Spectral Saddle

I really wanted to avoid an easy charging mechanic, its seemed pointless with all the feats and class abilities to help with this. Also it sounds like a +x damage item to me.

The whole party can use it, to scout, safety to buff, you can dodge attacks as a readied action, you can flee to safety, get across terrain, sneak into hard to reach spaces, get your animal companion into difficult spots...charging "all the things" wasn't in my concept and would make it more expensive. (Maybe I should have realized it would get more votes though)

Ghostly disguise was added late replacing a combat ability to cause panic. I thought it was an awesome idea. Maybe I should have left the title reins of haunting, but reins are a head slot which isn't into transmutation. Ghost thieves able to steal anything seemed like a nice flavorful use for npcs villains.

As for the SIAC ness of it, it greatly ignores most of the spell, the spell is just the etheral status repeated. By changing the duration and targets the function changes to my mind at least. I did have the worry it might be a SIAC, but I thought it was different enough and plenty of cans made the top this year.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

atomicb wrote:
Thank you! This totally made my day, no joke. In hindsight I did completely miss the RPGSS mark, but am oddly happy there was enough there to elicit such a passionate response. (Wish I could read the original!)

It is a compliment, passion is passion, this item just bothered me worse than any WWE heel from childhood. I know that the item isn't a helm with inward facing spike that pierce the face everywhere (you specifically stated these do not harm the wearer. But that was what I pictured. Then a ghost of you rises from the body which remains horrifyingly animate.

Technically you are still alive yet you are also undead in 2 forms which would honestly create PTSD for most users of the item and possibly the user's allies and friends. I picture a pulp fiction-esc gimp moving not quite naturally like a fast zombie but jerky.

It some how strikes that S&M vibe that reminds me of the snuff film in 8mm. My disgust is that visceral and then the nerd rage kicks in. If I'm watching that kind of film this feeling is expected, if I'm playing a WOD or Ravenloft or even Call of Cuthulu, a creepy horror and discomfort vibe is a part of the social contract. I did not sign up for that in RPGSS. I like disturbing things when I'm in the proper frame of mind for them, which isn't when I'm evaluating for game design, that mode is more like work for me. After the rage comes shame, I let that item bother me, that somehow makes me less which makes me resent the whole thing.

There you have it, I've now written more about your item than any other. For some reason this item stays in my head. Now take that talent and turn it into something I just as passionately love and you win at game design.

As to the original review it wasn't just biased and nasty, it was in retrospect a little condescending and crude. I was mad when I wrote it and it reflected as such. Posting it would have reflected poorly on me and you. Though admittedly part of it was me yelling at you for wasting your god given talents on a gross out item.


GM_Solspiral wrote:

IT issues at work with phonelines, review machine rebooting...

Page 10 continued...

HithankyousomuchGMSolspiralforlookingatmyitemandgivingitareview....

er..

I mean, Hi! Thank you so much GM Solspiral for looking at my item and giving it a review.....sorry, those silly Dragonlance gnomes took over again!

I'm glad you liked the item, enough to possibly tweak it and use in your own game. There was definitely a Dragonlance Gnome inspiration to the item as well as a Doctor Who inspiration.

This was my first year participating in the competition, and I just kind of pulled from what I knew for the item content so I could concentrate more on the mechanics and crunchy bits of the design. If you have any suggestions in that arena they would be highly appreciated as well.

I definitely see what you mean about the description of the item was a bit vague so it's hard to picture it in your mind. I will work on that in the future.

Thank you for taking the time to share your insights with all of us in Critique My Item land!

Cheers!

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

154)Goblet of Grim Panacea
Good: I love panchetta! Oh wait no not that. Alright well written interesting concept of playing pass the disease buck thru blood.
Bad: The name sound like italian bacon.
Ugly: Gross factor, do allot of DMs do disease effects? Liek maybe once in awhile with a gobo dob but that's still rare.
Overall: Lower end could be culled for me.

155) Beguiling Bauble
Good: MOGG LIKE SHINY COLORS GIVE TO MOGG NOW. Sorry, apparently there's a clear target market.
Bad: In a world of real magic you're David Copperfields second cousin doing birthday parties for kids.
Ugly: Skill check to activate and none of the mothers at the birthday party are MILFs
Overall: Written better than a cullable item but not winning many pairings for me.

156) Shard of Necrocyte
Good: Difficult terrain and fear effects, this is a really useful pendent.
Bad: Too bad the effects are like haunted hayride cheesy, it might scare the kids from the above item's b-day party.
Ugly: Still no MILFs sorry, punchy today. This is a little bit SAK a little bit SPIC.
Overall: Lower to cullable for me.
End page 12

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

Begin page 13

157) Dragonstink
Good: Nice effort on a less hackneyed dragon item, some solid design chops show both mechanics and writing on point.
Bad: slight grossout factor and slight issue of have fun making these for me.
Ugly: immunity to breath weapon was kind of obvious effect.
Overall: middling for me.

158) Inger's Tactical Toadstools
Good: Great name, prces on point, some pretty good work with mechanics, core idea isn't bad.
Bad: Core idea isn't amazing either.
Ugly: Sloppy choices in formatting should be cheapest to most expensive. Lacks professional polish.
Overall: While stealable and fun. I'd expand these and they are just middling to me as written.

159) Eyes of the Precognitive
Good: Love the description of this item, it has a nice funky cool vibe. Power is balanced as the higher level the spell sacrificed the worse a deal this is.
Bad: I'd never actually use them, the spell is always better to have than a 1 shot init bonus.
Ugly: Time items will get downvoted by DMs, Time after time.
Overall: Good effort but the core idea is lacking lower middling for me.

END PAGE 13

I see page 14- will get to it soon...

Star Voter Season 6

GM_Solspiral wrote:


159) Eyes of the Precognitive
Good: Love the description of this item, it has a nice funky cool vibe. Power is balanced as the higher level the spell sacrificed the worse a deal this is.
Bad: I'd never actually use them, the spell is always better to have than a 1 shot init bonus.
Ugly: Time items will get downvoted by DMs, Time after time.
Overall: Good effort but the core idea is lacking lower middling for me.

Thank you for the feedback, you have clearly committed a lot to this.

I didn't really expect most people to drop off their highest spells for this, I thought of it more as a way to recycle some potentially outgrown lower level spells per day into a useful resource. One other comment I have seen on them has mentioned time items being a no no; definitely a good thing to know for the future.

Thank you again.

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