Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread


RPG Superstar™ General Discussion

701 to 750 of 824 << first < prev | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | next > last >>
Scarab Sages Star Voter Season 6

Ariax wrote:

PAGE THREE ITEMS

Obi of the Ghoul Hunter: its, not it's, for the possessive form. Also wearer's and user's. (Pet peeve.) Italicize spell names in the requirements, and lowercase "Monk's Robe" and "Level". Why is heal a requirement? Aside from these nits, I really liked the concept of this belt. It's something I've wished I had a couple of times when a ghoul was *almost* dead before it paralyzed me. With stronger writing and some error correction, this would be a solid keeper, but as submitted it's a weak keep.

Thanks for the feedback! I wish I caught all those quibbles, next year will be error free.

To answer your question, Heal is a req. due to the disruption effect.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

Can I still get in on the Good bad and ugly review?

Manacles of Prisoner Transfer
Aura faint, Illusion, Abjuration; CL 5th
Slot wrists; Price 32450 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This set of manacles was designed for the sole purpose of transporting high risk prisoners. Three times per day the person with the key to these manacles can use nondetection and disguise other on the prisoner within the manacles. In all other regards the manacles function as masterwork manacles.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise other, nondetection, diamond dust worth 50 gp; Cost 16225 gp

Scarab Sages Star Voter Season 6

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Obi Feedback:

Grammar issue in the first graph, which always throws me: "and it's two tassels animate" ("it's" shouldn't have an apostrophe).
I think you also tried to do a little too much with this: You've got it doing independent attacks, adding disruption to attacks, boosting monk AC and unarmed damage (AND stacking with something else that does that), and giving a class ability. Just felt unfocused to me.
Also, you say the belt can fight by itself, but I don't know what its attack bonus is (or HP if I try to sunder it).

Thanks for the feedback, to address your concerns, and review your review, here is the following:

Grammar, no argument there, that's something I should of caught. Thanks.

It does not do independent attacks, you can use it to attack while paralyzed, held, or otherwise unable to attack normally due to some kind of paralysis effect. This is stated in the 2nd paragraph.

The stacking is minor at best, and intended to scale with levels and still be useful, even at mid to high levels. Even stacking with a monk robe, which was my intention, adding 1 more monk level of AC and damage is pretty reasonable. The robes also give that same ability to whoever wears it, albeit at a much higher competency level due to it adding 5 levels of monk, or setting your monk level to 5 if you're a non-monk class.

The belt fights at your monk level, dealing small sized damage no matter who the wearer is.

As for sundering, was that a requirement for an item for this contest to define how it sunders? I'm sure a capable GM can figure out the sunder rules based on materials. I don't recall seeing any other items specifically calling the sunder rules into their descriptions, seems unnecessary.

Thanks for the feedback!

Star Voter Season 6

As requested, and since I’ve got some downtime at work today.

Monastic Sheathe:
I don’t typically play monks, and those I game with don’t either, so its tough for me to get excited about this particular item. I imagine if I really had a thing for monks as a class then this would have jazzed me, but otherwise not so much.
I can certainly see the design space you’re using, and the item definitely seems like something that would be useful. I even think its something that a player would purchase, but doesn’t go into overboard territory.
Actually, since I’m GMing right now, I can see how this would be a very cool item to give an enemy NPC monk. I would totally expect a response from my players like, “wait, was that a flurrying falchion!” Which actually gets me thinking, how does this work with a two handed weapon? Specifically a two handed weapon where two weapon fighting isn’t indicated (unlike the quarterstaff for example). Could I flurry with a greatsword? If I was going to use a melee weapon would I need two of these sheathes for both weapons, or does it somehow wrap up both my scimitars?
I like the fact that the item scales as I improve my weapon, that was cool.
I’m finding after voting for so many items (and I only did a couple hundred!) that those which evoke something either visual or emotional tend to do well, and I think that might a problem for this item. While it’s interesting, and definitely useful enough to be a book of magic items, it simply doesn’t reach out and grab me.
All that being said, I’m running RotRL right now, and we’re heading into towards a handful of monks (among other things) that just might give this item so that I can make them flurry some funky weapons!

Also, in regards to your review LoreKeeper, I think you’re right about the difficulties with the Tears, specifically that it potentially makes a GMs life harder by having to track snowfall and then melt and all the rest of that. Something I’d considered, but brushed aside given my favorable view of the item (obviously!)

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

@PhineasGage: thanks for the review; I assume you know that the devs have clarified that flurrying can be done with a single weapon (so yes, flurry that falchion!) likewise, a double weapon that has the "monk" weapon quality (like for example a quarterstaff) automatically allows flurrying with either ends - so using the wrappings on an orc double axe will allow the wielder to flurry the weapon regardless of which sharp bit faces the enemy. If you want to flurry two scimitars (which would only work for the "look" of it, since flurrying one is just as effective) you would have to have two monastic sheathes.

I agree that it is very limited in that only monks can really benefit from it - I just feel that passionate about them that I don't mind "losing" a top32 spot.

My biggest judging criteria for an item is whether it enables new character concepts. Something that is "merely" useful... there are lots of those items - but there are only few items that make new characters or builds possible.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka Clouds Without Water

1 person marked this as a favorite.

Page 14 items!

Chronicler’s Boon - Basic problem is that it would drive a GM crazy, like most other see-the-history items. It's stuff they'll usually have to make up on the spur of the moment and will bog down the game. There's a few items like this every year, and while this is better done than most, it still has the same issue.

Swarmbane Gauntlets - There were a number of anti-swarm items, this probably got lumped in with them. Having said that, the basic approach of a vibrating weapon to attack a swarm is an interesting idea. The thing that likely hurt it the most was the damage to the weapon, it's too much of a drawback. I'm not completely sold on the idea that you needed a drawback at all, other than the -2 to hit. Nice description, economical and evocative.

Ego Shroud - Too niche an item. And it basically just removes drawbacks to certain weapons. Having it subject to damage if the weapon is used is good, but I dunno if it is enough to remove the feeling of getting around intentional limitations.

Codex Soma - Relies on specialized rules, which probably hurt with voters. Nice name, though, and the concept is interesting. The utility of the item is a little obscure, but it looks like it only really has value if it has spells I really want but don't know? Can I add spells to the book? Can I copy spells out of it? If so, why do I need it afterwards? I feel like I'm misunderstanding this item.

Mage’s Battlecloak - Name was a turnoff for me during voting. Created the wrong idea right off the bat. Once I got that it was a battlefield camouflage item I was more favorably inclined. It's a neat idea, though maybe a little too niche. I suspect the main issue for judges is that it isn't exciting enough in the end. It's a way to be unassuming, not a way to be really cool.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

The Wrath of Talos wrote:

Can I still get in on the Good bad and ugly review?

As long as items get posted I will review them... Shoulkd get to this tonight or early tomorrow.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

Very late with this, and had been hemming and hawing because I felt like I knew everything that was wrong with this item. But then, I figure, if I had the guts to submit it, I can have the guts to take additional criticism other than my own. So:

Dimensional Stable

Spoiler:

Aura moderate conjuration; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 10,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.

Description
This miniature barn appears to be a toy, but its magic allows you to provide shelter for your mount no matter where you are. You must attune the dimensional stable to your mount by touching it to the creature while saying your mount’s name. You can attune a dimensional stable to a single mount at a time, and only once per 24 hours. For this item’s purpose, "mounts" are limited to appropriately trained native-planar animals, vermin, or magical beasts.

You activate the item as a standard action by speaking a command word within 10 feet of the mount. You cannot be riding the mount when you do this. The mount is pulled into a pocket dimension containing a comfortable stall stocked with food and water, with adequate space for your mount to eat, sleep, move, and tend to its needs. An unseen servant serves as a groom and has any equipment it needs. If the mount has time to rest while there, it heals normally from doing so.
As a full-round action, you can re-summon your mount by placing the item on the ground and speaking its command word. The mount appears, gear equipped, in the nearest space to you in which it can fit. For example, in order for a horse to arrive, you need a 10x10 empty square of ground nearby. If there is not enough room for the mount to appear within 60 feet of you, it stays inside the pocket dimension.
Putting a dimensional stable inside extradimensional storage, such as a bag of holding, does not harm the item or mount.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, unseen servant, rope trick, Handle Animal 4 ranks; Cost 5,000 gp

Notes and Self Criticism

Spoiler:

1. This is not a Superstar item and I know that. It is practical and not very creative. It is practical in a way I hope others would go "ooh, I want that for my character." But I know that is not enough. (I have thought of a more creative way to reflect the same idea since, but it's not Superstar either.) I designed it from a perspective of what do I want as a player, not from the perspective of what can I offer to others as a designer. Honestly, I didn't originally design it for Superstar, but I've been feeling a lot of tug of war about entering, and it was the best item I wrote up on hand, and entered it to fight the fear and hesitation I'd been feeling. So on that the item was a complete success. ;)

2. "Appears to be..." BLAGH. I got so obsessed with wanting to be sure the mechanics were clear and balanced that I failed to pay attention to good prose writing, even writing phrases I hate seeing in other item descriptions. Also, "The magic of this miniature barn allows you.." would have saved several words at the beginning and probably been enough description.

3. Again, I got overly and weirdly obsessed with mechanics, and kind of all the wrong ones. The basic idea of the item was simple, but I was very worried about it being misinterpreted and abused so I got very caught up on certain aspects without thinking of it as a whole. This led to phrases like "you activate it as a standard action" when in fact all items are activated as a standard action. There was an earlier draft that was less specific and oddly, probably better.

4. Really hard to price. Doing a straight up calculation based on spells comes up with a number way higher than it should cost, I am sure (around 19,800 or so, IIRC), so ultimately I ballparked it.

5. Really, totally not Superstar at all.

The Exchange Marathon Voter Season 6

Evening Guys! I was hoping that I could get some feedback on my item I submitted this year. Thanks in advance, and I welcome all constructive criticism.

Cuff of the Feral Lord
Aura moderate transmutation (polymorph); CL 7th
Slot wrists; Price 11,000 gp; Weight -
Description
This traditional Ekujae cuff is crafted from bits of carved animal teeth and ivory strung from tanned hide strips. When worn, the cuff of the feral lord enhances the share spells ability of druids, wizards, and other classes with animal companions or familiars, allowing these characters to share a feat with their companion while absorbing one of their companion’s bestial abilities.

As a swift action the master may imbue their companion with one combat feat that the master possesses for up to 10 rounds per day. These rounds do not need to be consecutive and the master can change the feat chosen each time the cuff of the feral lord is activated. The companion must meet the prerequisites to use this feat and while the companion is imbued the master loses access to the imparted feat. While the companion is imbued with a feat the master gains his choice of one ability listed in the beast shape II spell. The ability selected must be one that the master’s companion already possesses and while the master is imbued the companion loses access to the imparted ability. The master must be within 30 feet of their companion to activate the cuff of the feral lord.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape II, paragon surge (Advanced Race Guide), creator must have an animal companion or familiar and at least one combat feat; Cost 5,500 gp

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

Page 11 AND 12 (the nice thing is there’s not a lot of new items getting posted at this point)

Battle Standard of Perilous Defiance:

I actually liked the idea you had going here, with the immovable standard generating a bubble of powers. I thought that was colorful.

I think the powers just left me a little disappointed, even if they were I suppose thematically tight. Immunity to fear and a bonus feat aren’t really messing with the mechanics, nor is lesser globe of invulnerability.

I think you’re halfway there – you got a neat base item and neat mechanics for how it works. Just have it do something a little more exciting, I think.

Mending Needle:

It’s a mending spell in a needle, which just didn’t excite me, though you tried to do more with it.

I also think you got caught up a bit in the mechanics. Sentences like “To operate place the needle in or on the damaged item in question with damaged parts next to the equipment – if applicable” didn’t really excite me or make me feel inspired about the item. If the mechanics are relatively simple, like in this case, you can probably just say “The user can repair a damaged item by touching it with the needle and saying the command word.” Then detailing that I need to say the command word three times to repair a magic item just feels like minutiae that’s not important to the overall item.

Sorry I can’t say I enjoyed it more.

Reel of the River King:

I think I was a little confused by this item. How does my arrow become a grappling weapon – if I hit something, what’s it doing in the next round if I make my CMB and choose to do damage? Just seems odd to me, though I could see something that would let me drag things toward me (though of course that’d be too similar to the batrachian helm). While I think all the mechanics work out fine, it needed more color. I feel like there could be a really cool item here, but I’m just not pulled into your description.

Monastic Sheathe:

Didn’t care for your second sentence, which kind of told me what sort of characters I should be making to want this item instead of making me simply want it.

I liked the ability to make something be a monk weapon, but I thought your mechanics were a little odd, giving the ability for just 10 minutes. I can recharge that, but I kind of felt like it was going to force me to save my best weapon for the BBEG fight every day. If I’m going to have something that makes my sword a flurry weapon, I don’t want to only be able to use it for 10 minutes a day (yeah, there’s a recharge item, but that just means I’m going to want to rest after every 10 minutes).

I did really like your requirements, though I could see why people didn’t. Since monks don’t have spells they can cast, I doubt many PC ones would waste a feat on Craft Wondrous Items, though there are certainly some monk items with similar formatting.

Erastil’s Footprints:

There were obviously several items of this sort, one of which made the top 32 (and I think another – the blackbriar boots -- made the top 89? I can’t remember now) and I think you got caught in the glut. I liked all three, including yours. In another year, I could certainly see you having been up there too, but I think the other two maybe just did a touch more. Still, I’d say this was a good job that got caught in a parallel design problem.

Immaculate Raiment:

I think you buried your lead here a little. The idea of how you benefit from your item staying spotless – making you immune to thinks like tanglefoot bags and web – is the neat part of this. It’s certainly more exciting than the full-round action to change your appearance, but unfortunately comes after that. The stabilize spell – well, I can sort of see how that fits into the theme, but it did feel like a bit of a stretch to me.

I think you just need to bring a little more wow next year.

Chess Knight Pendant:

This was just too metagamey for me, relying on the squares on a combat grid. My characters wouldn’t see it as a diagonal, but rather teleporting in a straight line.

I didn’t like the skill bonuses or the special bonuses just two classes get.

You’ve also got some style errors, with some bold tags missing and using apostrophes instead of spelling out feet.

Goblet of Grim Panacea:

Your lead sentence is kind of dull: This item is an obsidian goblet in the shape of an upturned, fanged skull. Even something as simple as making it more active would help: This obsidian goblet looks like a fanged skull. It’s still not super strong, but “looks” is a (slightly) stronger verb than “is.”

Then you go into blood, which unfortunately turned off a lot of people this round. The idea of making someone drink the blood in the goblet is just … icky. I don’t understand what I’m supposed to do with this – hold enemies down and force them to drink it?

I think next time try to go for a little less squick factor.

Beguiling Bauble:

Wow. That first power could be really strong, considering there’s no DC to the SoH check. I could roll a 1 and my target – which is everyone within 30 feet! – loses its Dex bonus to AC. My rogue is hiring some cheap help to wander around with a bunch of these.

I think your biggest problem though is basing it on the skill checks. A DC 10 is something I can probably pull off 85 percent of the time at 1st level (considering I’ve probably get +7, and that’s assuming I don’t have a feat/trait that boosts my Sleight of Hand check even beyond that).

Shard of Necrocyte:

Don’t think I saw this one in voting. The name catches my attention; I like it, though I don’t really have a clue as to what the item does. I’m not sure it sounds like a wondrous item, though it definitely sounds cool.

You’ve got some templating issues and, as you mention, a lack of filigree. : )

I like the effect you were going for, but it’s also very simple – a couple spells in a can. I think if you can work on your mechanics to make it do something different – maybe make it if they fail their fear save, they start seeing shadows, causing them to be blinded or treated as if they were in darkened areas, for instance.

Next year, tighten up your template use, try to bring a little more mojo and add some filigree to your prose, so I’m drawn into the item.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Page 10 items:

Firebrand

** spoiler omitted **...

Thank you for the critique.

The first part was too unclear. I meant for those affected to still choose how they'd help or hinder...

And once someone captured the torch when unattended, all affected would get new save vs. new wielder -- if friends than help, if enemy, hinder. Wielder would be free to act.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka nate lange

a big and earnest thank you to all the committed fans who have done so many critiques (i did all of the archetypes and couldn't help but think about how much time people are putting into this thread)!

that said- i do kind of feel like the total loss of feedback from the judges is a huge disadvantage to the new voting system compared to previous years. the feedback we get from each other helps (and may be especially useful for figuring out how to be part of the 'positive vote ratio' crowd next year) but doesn't tell us nearly as much about what skills we need to hone to develop as potential professionals.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

We have 6 years worth of data from the judges. Clark has also remarked he'd tackle some of this thread when he had the chance. There are 167 items in this thread thus far, add in 32 for the top 32 that's 199, add it in again for the archetypes 231 then add 8 for the alternates 239 that would be a little to much to expect methinks.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka nate lange

it is/would be a huge undertaking (as several of you full well know)! i certainly didn't mean that as an indictment against anyone, just a reflection on what seems, to me, to be a shortcoming of the new system (in the old system the judges had rough notes on every item which they could just post, and that's no longer the case).

Lantern Lodge RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka SirGeshko

I thought I had a shot this year, but didn't even see it when voting. Any feedback is appreciated! ^_^

Condensing Alembic
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 400 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This alchemical still evaporates two identical alchemical liquids and condenses a more potent substance into single flask. Using the condensing alembic requires a source of flame, 10 minutes, and a DC 25 Craft (alchemy) check. Failing the check means both liquids are destroyed. Failing by 5 or more, or trying to condense dissimilar items, causes the liquids to become volatile, creating an explosion that destroys the condensing alembic and does 2d6 fire damage to the user (no save). Success means the liquids have been successfully distilled. Damaging liquids, like acid or alchemist's fire, deal twice the normal damage. Beneficial liquids, like antiplague or antitoxin, bestow an additional +2 to the alchemical bonus to saves. The concentrated liquid becomes inert after 24 hours. The alembic does not work with extracts, potions, oils, or other materials. A condensed liquid cannot be distilled again, but it can be mixed (as with a hybridization funnel) with other substances as normal.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate or targeted bomb admixture extract; Cost 200 gp

Star Voter Season 6

SirGeshko wrote:

I thought I had a shot this year, but didn't even see it when voting. Any feedback is appreciated! ^_^

Condensing Alembic
Aura faint transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 400 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This alchemical still evaporates two identical alchemical liquids and condenses a more potent substance into single flask. Using the condensing alembic requires a source of flame, 10 minutes, and a DC 25 Craft (alchemy) check. Failing the check means both liquids are destroyed. Failing by 5 or more, or trying to condense dissimilar items, causes the liquids to become volatile, creating an explosion that destroys the condensing alembic and does 2d6 fire damage to the user (no save). Success means the liquids have been successfully distilled. Damaging liquids, like acid or alchemist's fire, deal twice the normal damage. Beneficial liquids, like antiplague or antitoxin, bestow an additional +2 to the alchemical bonus to saves. The concentrated liquid becomes inert after 24 hours. The alembic does not work with extracts, potions, oils, or other materials. A condensed liquid cannot be distilled again, but it can be mixed (as with a hybridization funnel) with other substances as normal.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, fabricate or targeted bomb admixture extract; Cost 200 gp

This feels like an alchemical item and not a wonderous item. Its not magical enough.

If I'm using a significant amount of resources on a consumable I really don't like possiblity of failure.
CL3 but requires fabricate - should be much higher or use a different spell.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

OK I'm finally going to start reviewing Items again. Sorry folks, I had to finish up the Archetypes and it took FOREVER (I went a little more in depth than I meant too :)

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

I bet you learnt loads though :)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

@Anthony Adam - I sure did, and I feel my archetype is strong enough to be in there!!

Chalice of Communal Dweomer

This was one of the few "of" names that I liked. Good word choice and together they make for an evocative name. Your template looks good.

Your first sentence struck me...in an odd way. It's ALWAYS cool to the touch? Like, if I put it in lava for a month? I think I know what you were going for but that sentence kind of gave me a questioning in my head right off the bat.

I don't think you need the "then quickly drunk" part of the action. You state that it is a full round action to pour a potion in and drink it and move on. I get you wanted flavor, but the way the sentence is structured with that makes it look like it is written incorrectly. I don't think it is...it just looks that way.

So basically the enhancement is that 3 others benefit from the potion? I think that's what I didn't like about this...you say "the bearer may choose to enhance the effects of a potion poured into" but never specify an enhancement until you mention that 3 other allies...but it reads like you can choose an enhancement?

You cut the duration in half, which is a cool addition to prevent abuse.

You then say instantaneous duration potions can't be enhanced in this way. Cure CLW can't be done like this...which is a design choice...but cuts the utility a bit for me.

Overall, I like the item a lot and I upvoted many times. When stacked next to the Top 32 though, it falls short. You have a good base idea, but it just falls short in it's utility. If I have a potion of Haste, yeah this is pretty cool. If I have a potion of CLW then no, it's not.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

Vest of Mongrelkind

It's a vest...which I like!! :)

Mongrel's are usually dogs, so this struck me as odd when I saw that it was a diverse racial heritage thing. Nitpicky, but that's what struck me as odd.

It's cool. It is. But how often do you pretend to be another race...maybe often for some but not that often for others.

The +5 to UMD seems out of place. Maybe I've never had to use magic device when emulating but that's why it seems out of place to me.

After 24 hours I get to choose 1 racial trait to gain (1RP cost max) while wearing and I can reset it by taking off the vest and wearing it for 24 hours. Cool!

Good job on avoiding using the dreaded "attune" word.

Polymorph is interesting as a construction req...but for some reason I feel like there should be something else. I can't put my finger on what it should be though. Are there any spells that modify racial traits?

Overall, this is a cool vest, but I actually ended up down voting it because it consistently came up against the Top 32 in my voting. The flavor isn't quite as good as those entries. I appreciate brevity, but this could benefit from a little more fluff.

RPG Superstar 2009 Top 16, 2012 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka Epic Meepo

A few more reviews of items in my Keep folder:

Cuff of the Feral Lord:
This was in my Keep folder, but didn't make my Top 64. I liked the concept of an animal and its master having a sort of symbiosis. And choosing to have the master gain an ability from beast form II was a nice, concise way of representing his end of the exchange. But in the end, I was worried that it might be doing too much, especially where granting a combat feat was concerned. I'm wary of magic items that start rearranging feats.

Dimensional Stable:
This was in the official Top 89, and was also one my personal Top 32. Frankly, I thought this was one of those "Duh, why doesn't this already exist in the game?" items. In a magical world, item crafters would definitely create something like this, and there would definitely be a market for it. I also thought the item was fairly well executed. I suspect the judges passed it over because it was a relatively straightforward utility item, though.

Erastil's Footprints:
This was in the official Top 89, and was in my personal Top 64, but not my Top 32. I thought this was a clever, flavorful item. I also think it would have been better if its effects were a little more potent. A line of undergrowth or a single square of heavy undergrowth are both relatively insignificant on a battlefield when compared to the effects of even low-level spells like entangle and fog cloud.

Hand of Eternal Remorse:
This item was in my Top 32, and before the official Top 32 were announced, I thought it might have been the Top 32 fire item Clark had mentioned. I thought the idea of a poison effect that produces a fireball would be a very interesting tool for an assassin, and I thought the modifier to the crime rating of a settlement was a very original idea. But I suspect the voters passed you over because both of those effects are more plot devices than features PCs would want in an item they possess.

Monastic Shealth:
This item was in my Top 32, mainly because I thought it was the simplest and most straightforward of the several "monk fix" items I saw this year. In retrospect, it might have been passed over because it was too easy a way to circumvent a restriction on a class ability. It was also a bit of a niche item, a utility item, and a class fix disguised as an item (which Paizo developers have previously stated they don't like).

Record of the Fallen:
This item was in the official Top 89, as well as my own Top 64. Although it's arguable "just another storage item," I thought its flavor more than made up for its fairly straightforward mechanics. But I had to bump it from my Top 32 for pricing reasons; an item which can essentially target corpses with blood biography at will is probably worth more than this item's market price even before adding in any storage and gentle repose effects.

Spectral Saddle:
This item was in my Top 64, but not my Top 32. I thought it was a fairly fun effect, but it was ultimately just a variant cloak of etherealness that affects both a rider and a mount at the same time. I think that's an okay, if not Top 32, effect. But I suspect the voters were looking for something without such a close resemblance to an item from the Core Rules.

Also, a review of an item that stood out in my mind because it wasn't even close to making my Keep folder (sorry):

Halfling Swingsaddle of the Gorilla:
I had to vote this down every time I saw it because it's just an exotic military saddle with a reduced weight. A gorilla is already a suitable mount for a halfling (since halflings are the same size as the baby gorillas that ride on their mothers' backs), so removing the penalty for an unsuitable mount is a non-ability. As a general property, saddles are designed to keep a rider upright, so that's a non-ability. And everything else is just cut-and-pasted from the military saddle. So it's just an exotic military saddle with a reduced weight. When designing wondrous items in the future, make sure you aren't creating items whose effects can be duplicated by gear from the Equipment chapter of the Core Rules.

Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
...
Clouds Without Water wrote:
...
Ariax wrote:
...
agirlnamedbob wrote:
...
Feros wrote:
...
Nazard wrote:
...
Covent wrote:
...

Jeez, got a busier week from work than expected and completely forgot to come back and read up...

Thank you all for taking the time to give me feedback; I really do appreciate it. I'll definitely keep it in mind for next year. =)

Spoiler:
And I will definitely be sure to remember that the chart on the magic item page is the retail cost rather than the crafting cost...which I realized about three days into voting.

RPG Superstar 2015 Top 8 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8 aka DeathQuaker

Wow, Epic Meepo, thanks. I am truly honored. :)

Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 8

1 person marked this as a favorite.
The Wrath of Talos wrote:

Can I still get in on the Good bad and ugly review?

Manacles of Prisoner Transfer
Aura faint, Illusion, Abjuration; CL 5th
Slot wrists; Price 32450 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This set of manacles was designed for the sole purpose of transporting high risk prisoners. Three times per day the person with the key to these manacles can use nondetection and disguise other on the prisoner within the manacles. In all other regards the manacles function as masterwork manacles.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, disguise other, nondetection, diamond dust worth 50 gp; Cost 16225 gp

Loved this item and I voted a lot for it. Sure it is a a spell in cane and very situational, but it's the kind of item that sparks a quest in my mind and that is more than what a lot of items did.

Template seems good, but probably too expensive. The schools in the aura section should be in alphabetical order (A before I).

Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7

Garments of the Creeper
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 15th
Slot Body; Price 60,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
Deceivingly, the item appears as a small ink black palm sized stone. After activation, the stone transforms into a runny substance which immediately spreads over the holder until they are completely covered by the substance; which takes a full-round action to complete. This will only affect humanoid creatures ranging from a size of 3 feet tall up to 7 foot tall. Once the transformation completes the Garments of the Creeper will grant the wearer the properties of a living Shadow. They will gain the Shadow traits of darkvision 60ft, will no longer be required to breathe, gain immunity to exhaustion and fatigue affects, and will gain fly at a speed of 40ft with good maneuverability. In addition, gaining the following racial modifiers of +4 Stealth in dim light (–4 in bright light) and finally gaining the incorporeal defensive abilities of a Shadow. They will not gain the Shadows strength drain or spawn creation abilities. They will however; be subject to positive energy damage. In addition to spells, abilities, or items which affect an undead type. They will also suffering from mind-affecting effects, abilities drains and non-lethal damage as they would normally. They can remain in the Garments for 1 complete turn per constitution bonus point/+1 turn, before the Garments return to their original form. In addition, by speaking the command word the wearer can also remove the garments with a Standard Action. Donning the Garments can only be possible a number of times equal to the characters Constitution bonus/+1 times per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Shadow Conjuration; Undead Anatomy IV; creator must have 8 ranks in Knowledge (Undead); Cost 30,000 gp

Well here is mine.. finally got time away from the job to post again. TY again for the judges and looking forward to next year.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka nate lange

theheadkase wrote:
Mongrel's are usually dogs, so this struck me as odd when I saw that it was a diverse racial heritage thing. Nitpicky, but that's what struck me as odd.

it was a reference to the mongrelman from bestiary 2.

theheadkase wrote:
The +5 to UMD seems out of place.

it's a +5 to emulate race with UMD- in honesty it doesn't come up that often (the dwarven thrower is one example) but it seemed, to me, like a perfect fit for an item based on playing with racial stuff.

theheadkase wrote:
Polymorph is interesting as a construction req...but for some reason I feel like there should be something else. I can't put my finger on what it should be though. Are there any spells that modify racial traits?

not directly, no. i thought about using monstrous physique instead, but the vest has a diverse power and polymorph just seemed like the most diverse spell option.

thanks for the feedback! it really can be helpful to hear why people voted against you.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

@ Ed Lange:

I know exactly how you feel writing back to the reviewer with clarifications. IF it helps I knew you were speaking of mongrelmen! I also though the racial flexibility, which is what mongrelmen are all about was a cool theme. Few got the point of mt listening stone was 1 part spy item, 1 party spell absorbing party buffer, 1 part sling the stone with a contingent sound effect trigger release.

Take away is if you have to go back in explain it all, its your own fault as a designer. I will redo my listening stone at some point just to make it what its supposed to be but lessons learned this year will make me much better next.


Clouds Without Water wrote:


Codex Soma - Relies on specialized rules, which probably hurt with voters. Nice name, though, and the concept is interesting. The utility of the item is a little obscure, but it looks like it only really has value if it has spells I really want but don't know? Can I add spells to the book? Can I copy spells out of it? If so, why do I need it afterwards? I feel like I'm misunderstanding this item.

Thanks for Replying CWW. Good point about the specialized rules. The idea was to use rules that hadn't seen a lot of official play, but that can also backfire I suppose. To answer your questions about adding to or copying from; aside from its ability to take tattoo form, and the ability of casters to draw spells from it in tattoo form, it is for all other intents and purposes a normal spellbook to which spells can be added and from which they may be copied. Maybe I should have been more explicit about that. Thanks for the feedback.


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Woodengolem wrote:

This is one that I voted down the first couple of times I saw it simply because I'd seen a bunch of spellbooks before the cull and it didn't grab me all that much.

However once I gave myself a little back from voter fatigue and came back I really liked it. The utilitarian aspect of it and the visual of the tattoo becoming a spellbook was pretty awesome. I kept it in my folder to use in some of my home brew games.

The rules seem solid as far as I can tell, but it just doesn't have that wow factor. It seems like it's been done before or at least the basic idea "something useful that turns into a tattoo" had been. I did however love the detail of it turning back into a book after your died.

Thanks for replying WG. I appreciate you giving it a second glance. Honestly, the idea took a bit of time to grow on me as well, but once I realized that it had some great possibilities as a plot-tool, I had to use it. You're right, the tattoo (or portable item) has been done quite a bit, but I've got a soft spot in my heart for wizards and spellbooks, and I hoped to open it up a bit more for other casters with the "cast from tattoo" option. It could probably use a bit more work to rev the excitement factor up a bit.

Thanks for the feedback.

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka theheadkase

@Ed Lange

That makes a lot more sense now. I think you definitely know more about the emulating race stuff than I do!!

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka nate lange

@GM Sol- yeah. i'm not sure if i wasn't paying enough attention or if i submitted my item before many of the details were out, but i didn't know that there was going to be public voting for the first round. i think my item would have fared better with the judges... though, they might have just pointed out that these rules were too uncommon. (i thought i was boldly picking some under-explored design space...)

@headcase- as GM Sol pointed out, that's my fault as a designer... i need to anticipate what people will miss and clarify it (i had plenty of wordcount to insert some reference to mongrelmen, and probably should have included parenthetical references to books, maybe even page numbers, for some of the rules- i know from some of the comments i got that some people weren't bothering to use the hyperlinks i included)

RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 32 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9 aka GM_Solspiral

2 people marked this as a favorite.

If you submitted a review before this post I have reviewed it in my good/bad/ugly critiques.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 9

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **...

Thanks for reviewing my Tesseract Dust. The cost was for 1d4+1 pinches. As for the size of the cube, I didn't think it was relevant due to how it works. but in hindsight i can see how others might have been throw off by that lack of information.

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka motteditor

James, the problem with that is the variableness, I think. If it's 3,000 for 2-5 pinches, that means one pinch COULD be 1,500 gp or 600 gp.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Clouds Without Water wrote:


Page 14 items!

Chronicler’s Boon - Basic problem is that it would drive a GM crazy, like most other see-the-history items. It's stuff they'll usually have to make up on the spur of the moment and will bog down the game. There's a few items like this every year, and while this is better done than most, it still has the same issue.

Thanks a ton! Good to know!

Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

@Eric Morton

Thank you, I'm happy to see the item find good resonance with some people.

Honestly, I hadn't considered it a monk-fix item (most monks I'd play would not use the monastic sheathe). Pathfinder already has feats and things in place to flurry with non-monk weapons - so if you wanted to flurry a scimitar, for example, that could already be done. Perhaps I misunderstand the meaning of a fix-item, but I was thinking of those more like a "better" amulet of mighty fists type things.

The Exchange

Eric Morton wrote:

Erastil's Footprints:

This was in the official Top 89, and was in my personal Top 64, but not my Top 32. I thought this was a clever, flavorful item. I also think it would have been better if its effects were a little more potent. A line of undergrowth or a single square of heavy undergrowth are both relatively insignificant on a battlefield when compared to the effects of even low-level spells like entangle and fog cloud.

Thanks for the feedback Eric.

It's funny most people found them underpowered, because when I made the item I thought they were the opposite. I thought they'd give you many of the benefits of those AOE battlefield control spells--setting up opportunities to hide, hampering movement, blocking charges--without the drawbacks of catching your own party, even in tight spaces.

But the feedback shows that's not right. I guess they're only a single round effect, in that next round the enemy will probably breach your cover. So spending a standard action to hamper your enemy for a single round isn't terribly powerful. Maybe making them a free action to activate instead of a standard would have made them more competitive.

Thanks to everyone who gave feedback by the way. I've found it 100% helpful and 0% nasty or ego-shredding.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Lady Firedove wrote:


Fan, Dragonscale
...both harness and deflect the elemental energy of the dragon from whose scales the fan was created.

Hi Firedove,

I like this item quite a bit. I think it's better than many of the top 32. I really like that the item is made of dragonscales, and the type of scales affect the protection/energy type. Great flavor! Some of the wording could be cleared up... enjoy the style of 'quick flick of the wrist" to trigger the cone. I'd suggest editing to "Twice per day, as a move action, a quick flick of the risk creates a 15 ft cone..."

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

1 person marked this as a favorite.
Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Lady Firedove wrote:
Tiercis wrote:

Hi guys,

This item made it in the top 89 but not to the coveted 32. If you have any thoughts or feedback, I would really appreciate it!
Thanks!

Weathered Quiver

The name sounds a bit boring, but it's actually a clever pun, and one that I thinks works for this game. The formatting is off in several ways, but this might just be you copying it into this thread, not the way you actually submitted it. At any rate, don't forget things like making the names of spells lowercase and italicized in your text. I like the general idea. I think it's creative and clever without being overpowered. I like the way you adapted the elemental aura spell, although some might actually see that as a lack of originality. I like the way you described it, although I would cut out the word "often." I voted for this item several times, and I've saved a copy for potential future use, so thanks for sharing a neat idea!

Thanks! I did have better formatting in the official submission but you're right about missing the italics on the spell name, I'll watch for that. I really appreciate the feedback!

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Saint Caleth wrote:

Sash of Singularity

Weathered Quiver
I adored this item. It has a great theme and tight mechanics which match that theme. That's mojo. I don't know what the rational for fall being acid damage was other than that it was the leftover energy type and season though. The only problem is that its use is based on the season. You should have just let the season be chosen on activation and it would have been perfect.

Verdict: Unless I am glossing over something glaring, you got robbed. This should have been top 32, and I was sure it was going to make it when I saw it during voting. I voted for this every time I saw it.

Thanks Saint! Since I fit the energy types into the elemental aura spell, it was sort of the last one picked and the least obvious match. I thought it was still fitting with the entropy of fall represented by acid.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Thunderbuckets wrote:
Siegebreaker Cymbals

It's pretty innovative to use cymbals and to affect damage reduction. Neat using the metal inlays of the cymbals to describe which damage reductions they affect. The bardic performance use is pretty cool though the wording is a little complicated there.

I saw someone mention that the name was a little misleading, which I kind of agree with. DC 19 to trigger seems kind of high to me, and the enhancement bonus bit seems unnecessary (though probably brings your cost down.) Tricky to have them priced as a single, but you need two of different types to have any effect. I'd suggest having them sold in pairs and have them negate the damage reduction instead... but the swap mechanic is a clever use of the cymbal crash.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Jacob W. Michaels wrote:
Time's Tide Pendant

I thought your pendant was a little book-keepy but thematically cool.!

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Black Powder Chocobo wrote:
I'm going a bit odd and showing my original item as well as a revision that I think would have been a stronger candidate. In my case, I want to know if the revision is indeed better so I know I'm thinking in the right direction.

Hi Chocobo, I think the write up on the revision is definitely more clear. I don't see this being used a ton but neat for the right character, and definitely could be a cool plot/NPC item.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Thomas LeBlanc wrote:
Tempest Regalia

Love the name and the effect on combat maneuvers. Ioun Stone aspect is neat, nice job making sure people can't swap, and changing the color of electricity is a nice touch.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
James Raine wrote:
First Light

Good name, description is a little wordy but neat. Spell caster level increase is nice, but the light increase is complicated. I liked the blinding effect, and that it needed to recharge. I might have left it at a dim light though instead of going completely dark. Especially for followers of Sarenrae an item like this would be pretty cool.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Ryan. Costello wrote:
Cloak of Duality

Saw a couple of splitting items, and this one was the one I liked better. Your use of the two colors in the cloak was a nice touch. Downside to any splitting item though is that they are hard to keep track of in game and almost impossible to write cleanly. For instance, how do you handle initiative, and which can activate re-joining? Good try though!

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Troy Malovich wrote:
Glove of Saturation

I never saw this one come through but it's pretty cool. Description could be better. I'd take the comma out after supple, and I am not getting a clear visual on the plates you mention. Might be a little under-costed. However, I love that this would get more use out of splash weapons. I'd definitely use an item like this in a game.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Saint Caleth wrote:
Spellvoid Mantle

I like the name, and the description is nice - says a lot but isn't too long. I think the magical interference in adjacent squares is a nice touch. The second ability is less clear, and I would probably just drop that bit especially since it only lasts one round once a day. Third ability is good - I think it could be detailed a little more cleanly but it's close.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Zahir ibn Mahmoud ibn Jothan wrote:
Dawnflower Ankh

The concept of the magically created dawnflower blessed oasis is pretty nifty. I agree that its a little underpriced, mostly because of the channel boosting ability. Your main issue though is some of the logistics need tightening. For instance, water flows at 1 gallon per minute for 24 hours... that's a lot of water. I'm guessing you meant that the oasis was present for 24 hours, but there needs to be some more description on the maximum amount of water, what size pool of water is created, does the endure elements radiate from the edges or the center of the pool etc. Very cool item though.

Grand Lodge Star Voter Season 6

Pathfinder Card Game, Companion, Pathfinder Accessories, Pawns Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber; Starfinder Charter Superscriber
Doug Bailey wrote:
Feybone of the Eternal Singularity

This is an interesting item, and I really like the choice of three rolls given the cosmology (first/material/shadow plane schism) but I think you've over-priced yourself and the description is a little confusing. You used Gate in your construction, and mention that it lets you access the first world, yet it seems instead of actually traveling there you just reach into the first world a bit to create this stability affect which is great just much less powerful. If you change up the spells required & lowered the price you'll be more balanced.

701 to 750 of 824 << first < prev | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | next > last >>
Community / Forums / Archive / Paizo / RPG Superstar™ / General Discussion / Official 2013 "Critique my item" thread All Messageboards

Want to post a reply? Sign in.